


Promise Me That We Won't Fall In Love

by youretheone



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-14 03:29:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 70
Words: 225,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2176383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youretheone/pseuds/youretheone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Mike hadn't been able to forgive Rachel at the end of 4x08 and ended up staying with Harvey?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_“You don’t understand what I have been though, You don’t understand what I have lost. Because it’s everything, everyone that I love–Trevor, my grandmother, Harvey, now probably this job. I am not ready to lose you. Not today.”_

Mike remembered it like it had been yesterday. How lost and desperate he had been that night he’d told Rachel his big, bad secret. When they kissed, he remembered feeling like she was the lifeline bringing him back to existence. Now everything was different.

Rachel. The woman he had asked to move in with him, the one he had been sure he would spend the rest of his life with had cheated on him with Logan Sanders. It wasn’t the first time Mike’s life had changed in the matter of a moment, but it didn’t mean that he was any more prepared the devastation he had felt when she had told him.

He’d lost a lot. Trevor, his best friend was still gone and he would probably never see him again. His grandmother, the woman who had raised him and who had nurtured everything good in him had passed away. He’d lost his job too. It was only because of some small miracle created by no other than Louis Litt, that he was able to get that back. Who knew how long that would last though, it wasn’t like Jessica Pearson wanted him there.

Just as he hadn’t been ready that night, he still wasn’t ready to lose Rachel. He still loved her so much that it hurt in his chest and deep down into his bones to think about it. She told him that he needed to figure out if he loved her more than he hated what she had done. Mike knew that he did. Of course he loved her more than that, but he also knew that it wasn’t about that anymore. Love couldn’t fix everything, it was about trust. Deep inside he knew that they both had too many issues to fix before they could even stand a chance of being together.

Looking back at his rant about how he had lost everything he cared about, there was only once face that popped into his head. Harvey’s. Harvey had never left him, even after he had quit and everything had gone to shit between them, Harvey was still right there whenever he needed him. He’d been by his side when Rachel had been in the hospital, he’d been right there when Mike had showed up at his door after he’d gotten the news from Rachel.

So after he’d gone to Rachel’s office to tell her it was over for good and he wasn’t coming back home, and he felt like falling apart, Harvey had been the one to find him outside of the building. He’d clasped a hand on his shoulder, knowing at once what had happened.

“Let’s go home.” He’d said.

“Yeah, I should get back to the hotel.” Mike said, even though he had no idea how he would get through the night. They still had the whole Louis issue to worry about too, there was no way he’d be able to go to sleep.

“We’re getting your things, you’re staying with me.” Harvey said “At least until you get things figured out.”

Mike really couldn't argue with that, he was a grown man and he should be able to take care of himself after a break up. But for the same reason that he’d gone to Harvey’s office that morning because he had no idea where else he should go, he just nodded.

“Thanks, Harvey.”

Maybe he hadn’t lost everything after all.

They only made a quick stop at the hotel where Mike got his things and checked out, Harvey asked if he needed anything from the apartment, but Mike wasn’t ready to go back there yet, even though he was pretty sure Rachel was staying with Donna. Harvey told him he was sorry, before he started rambling on about what Louis might have done that could compromise them. Mike was grateful for the distraction, but he could hardly hear what the other man was staying, too caught up in his own thoughts.

He wasn’t sure if it had been fair to Rachel to end it like that, the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he was also to blame in this. But that might just be the reason why they should be apart too, at least for a while. It was times like these he wished he could talk to his mother, or grandmother. They had also had way better insight than him.

“You want something to eat?” Harvey asked once they entered his apartment. Mike was always amazed at how tidy and clean every time he was there. He shook his head, he felt nauseous.

He sat down at the counter as he watched Harvey fetch them some drinks. “What are we going to do?”

Harvey sighed, and turned his head to look at Mike. “I have no idea, but we’ll figure something out.”

“We always do, right?” Mike asked and Harvey offered him a comforting smile as he handed him a glass of scotch.

“Right.” Harvey replied. Mike wasn’t sure how he had gotten where he was. He tried telling himself that he only became a fraud to support his grandmother, but he also knew that when she had passed away, he could have just quit. He could have moved away to start all over again, but he hadn’t.

“I never really felt like I belonged anywhere, you know.” Mike said, and Harvey walked around the other side of the counter and leaned against the refrigerator so he could focus on Mike. “Until I got this job… Until you gave me this job.”

“You’re a damn good lawyer, Mike.” Harvey said, and Mike really appreciated these moments, where Harvey was acting genuinely nice and supportive. He knew that Harvey was his friend, and that he showed him that almost every single day, it just wasn’t always that easy to see it and appreciate it.

Mike cocked his head to the side in a manner showing he didn’t really believe him. “I was supposed to be different and actually help real people, look at me now.”

“You’re just tired, Mike.” Harvey said “You’ve been through a lot these last couple of days, you just need some time.”

Mike knew that Harvey was right and that he was overthinking things, but he also wanted Harvey to reassure him that he was still a good man even though he wasn’t sure he believed it himself anymore. “What if Louis-“

“Let’s not talk about that right now.” Harvey said “Try to get some sleep, I know I need some.” He said before he put his glass down and went around the counter again, squeezing Mike’s shoulder as he walked past him.

He couldn’t not think about it though. He lied awake staring at the ceiling wondering if Rachel was also awake. He remembered Rachel’s face when she’d come to his apartment and seen Tess there. He thought about what would happen if Louis got caught for whatever it was he had done, how would he feel then? When the man who had practically saved his life went away to prison, knowing that he should be in the cell next to him. He thought about his parents, his grandmother and Trevor.

He didn’t know when, but eventually he fell asleep with barely a coherent thought in his head.

When his alarm went off the next morning, he groaned and rolled over to turn it off. It felt like he’d only slept for a few minutes and he already had a headache. As everything that had happened the night before came rushing back, he felt himself not wanting to leave bed.

Mike rolled over on his stomach again and sighed into his pillow. He had almost fallen back asleep when he heard a knock on the door. He grumbled and sat up before calling out “Come in!”

Harvey slowly opened the door and took in the state of Mike, a small smile on his lips. Mike was fully aware of how he looked in the morning, his hair sticking out in every direction and his eyes barely able to stay open before his second cup of his coffee.

“Are you going to work today?” Harvey asked, and Mike was actually surprised by the question. He’d only been back one day and by the looks of it, things were as per usual, going to shit. He really didn’t think he’d have a choice in the matter.

“Of course.” He answered, raising an eyebrow.

“Just saying, if all you’re going to do is mope in your office, you might as well stay home.” Harvey said, and Mike had to snicker. That was the Harvey he knew and admired. His expression turned serious then “I don’t think we can afford any mistakes today, Mike.”

“I know.” Mike answered “Don’t worry.”

“Come on, I made breakfast.”

Harvey always carried himself with a certain graze, he looked like viper ready to attack at any moment. This was the case no matter what might be going on in his personal life. Mike wish he could carry himself the same way. He had a way of letting everything show on the outside of his skin. He remembered how he’d acted after he lost his grandmother, how he’d yelled at Harvey in the middle of the bullpen. He wasn’t going to do that now, he had to remind himself that Rachel was still alive and well, and that someday they might get through this, together or not.

Rachel was talking to Donna at her desk when the two of them arrived for work, at first it looked like she was about to run away, but then she steadied herself and met them halfway.

“The file you wanted proofread.” Rachel said, handing Harvey a blue folder. “I also added in a few suggestions.”

“On paper?”

“Post-its.” She answered “Let me know if you want me to add them into the final draft or not.”

“Thank you.” Harvey said, he was so damn professional, and Mike had no idea how to act or where to look. “You have a class later, right?”

“Yes.” She answered “So if there’s anything else I need to do today, could you let me know before noon?”

Harvey nodded once “Good job.” He said and held up the file, before he breezed past her. He gave one nod and glance to Donna before he went into his office, Mike hot on his tail.

“You looked like a teenage boy in a strip club.” Donna said as she followed them, Mike just groaned and turned around. “You couldn’t even look at her, I’ve never seen anyone so awkward before.”

“I’m trying, okay?” Mike asked “Right now I just want to focus on my job.”

“As we all should.” Harvey said from where he was sitting behind his desk. “Have you heard from Louis?”

Donna shook her head, and looked from Harvey to Mike “How bad do you think it is?”

Mike shrugged his shoulders and let out a breath “I have no idea, but I don’t think it’s looking very good.”

As usual, Mike was right. It was not very good, in fact, it was terrible. Louis had really screwed up, with Forstman, with everything. Harvey was pissed when he came back from his meeting with Jessica and Louis.

He’d told Mike and Donna everything, first thing. Mike was upset as well, they were finally off the hook, but now everything was going to shit again. He couldn’t shake the feeling he’d had for the last couple of days though, and it was only more clear that it wasn’t just a feeling he’d been having, when Donna pointed out the same thing.

“You jeopardized us all too.” Donna said “The day you hired Mike.”

She looked straight at Harvey, not even glancing at Mike. There was no way he was going to protest though, he knew he had nothing to say because it was all true.

“I wouldn’t even be back here if it wasn’t for him.” Mike said, and it kind of felt like he was taking Louis’ side over Harvey’s, but he was just trying to be fair for once as he tried to remember what he had said to Harvey when he’d first started working there, about wanting to help the people that couldn’t help themselves.

Harvey gritted his teeth and shook his head, and Mike knew he was feeling torn between his loyalty to Jessica and to the firm as name partner, and what would be the right thing to do.

“I have to go.” Was all he said, and when Donna asked him where he was going he just said ‘to try to fix this.’

Mike wasn’t sure what he had meant, but he knew they all needed a plan in case Harvey couldn’t fix it so that was what he was going to focus on. He’d always worked well under pressure anyway. He gave Donna a comforting nod before hurrying off to the library, when he noticed Rachel by the elevator he pretended he actually did need to ask Katrina for something and that it wasn’t just too avoid her.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a long fic, just so you guys are aware.. Thank you for your kudos and your comments, they mean a lot:)

Mike’s eyes were hurting after sitting behind the computer for so many hours, he usually preferred to read books. He was just finishing a document when Harvey waltzed into his office. Mike looked up, anxious to see how his meeting with Cahill had gone.

It had been Mike’s idea to start deposing the other man, if nothing else, it would serve as a distraction for the time being.

“How did it go?” Mike asked as Harvey sat down in front of him.

“He took it very well.” Harvey answered as he got comfortable in the chair, Mike got the feeling that he was sitting on the wrong side of the desk, but didn’t say anything. “I gotta hand it to him.”

“When did you two get all best-buddies?” Mike asked and raised his eyebrows “What’s with all the respect?”

“Easy, tiger.” Harvey said, but the smirk that was supposed to go along with the comment wasn’t there, and Mike wondered if it was because Harvey was starting to get genuinely worried about the whole situation.

“Just saying, I got two words for you.” Mike replied “Bro-mance.” He spelled out.

“Are you jealous?” Harvey asked, and there was the smirk Mike had been waiting for.

“Oh please.” Mike said “Get back to me when he’s the one moving in with you.”

“You’re not moving in, it’s temporary.” Harvey said, furrowing his brows and Mike only grinned at him.

“You’ll be begging me to stay, just wait and see.” Mike replied, and before Harvey could come up with a snarky comeback, Mike quickly asked what Cahill had been up to.

“He had Judge Hopkins sign off on his depositions, so he’ll be coming at us the same time we’re going after him.”

That wasn’t the worst news they could have gotten so Mike just shrugged it off “We can handle it.”

Harvey took a deep breath then, which worried Mike because he was getting pretty good at reading the other man by now and that meant he was about to say something Mike might not like.

“What?”

“Do you think Rachel can handle it?” Harvey asked, and Mike closed his laptop and sat up straight to focus on Harvey.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“She’s the first name on the list.” Harvey said and handed Mike the deposition list, Mike read through it in the matter of seconds and sighed

“What do you want me to do?” Mike asked, and Harvey looked a little taken back for a moment, like he didn’t think Mike would be so willing to help out, so he sighed and tried again “What do you _need_ me to do?”

“Do you think you could prep her?” Harvey asked, and Mike’s eyes went wide for a second. He could barely look at her in passing glances in the hallway for the time being.

“Harvey, I am the worst person for that job right now.”

“Because it would make you feel uncomfortable?” Harvey asked and stood up “How do you think Cahill’s gonna make Rachel feel when he gets her under oath?”

Mike just bit his bottom lip and shook his head, Harvey who had seemed determined to leave Mike so he couldn’t say no, stopped in his tracks and sighed.

“Mike, we need this right now.” Harvey said, when Mike didn’t answer, he just closed his eyes for a moment before saying “Fine, I’ll do it.”

Mike shook his head again “No, I can do it.” He said.

“Good boy.” Harvey said “I’ll let you decide take-out for dinner for when you get back home.”

Mike raised an eyebrow “Home?” He asked teasingly.

“Shut up.” Harvey said before leaving the office, leaving Mike to smile in triumph. The feeling quickly faded as he took his phone out of his pocket and took a deep breath. Since Rachel was at school, Mike couldn’t really talk to her face to face and to be honest, he was kind of grateful that he only had to send her a text.

She replied five minutes later, and said that if Harvey had told Mike to prep her then it was fine by her. Mike was a little proud of how professional she was acting.

_Harvey’s office at six? He has a meeting and said we could use it._

_I’ll be there._

Mike knew Harvey had a meeting, but lied about him saying that they could use his office, the last thing he wanted was for Rachel to suggest they could do it at home. Their home. Except it wasn’t anymore.

He hurried over to Harvey’s office, the other man wasn’t there so he asked Donna if she thought it would be okay. She smiled at him.

“I’m sure he won’t mind.” She said “You’re already doing the whole _mi casa es su casa_ thing so.”

“Thanks, Donna.” Mike said, and hoped she knew that he didn’t mean just about the office. He was very grateful that she didn’t take any sides, because he had a feeling it might not have been his, since she had probably stayed up the night before with a crying Rachel.

Harvey popped his head through the door of Mike’s office before heading to his meeting to tell him good luck.

“I want Thai for dinner.” Mike had said and Harvey had grinned.

“I know a place, see you later.” Harvey had replied before leaving Mike to his own misery. This was about work, it was important and Mike tried very hard not to let his emotions get in the way of that, but judging from previous experiences, that wasn’t his strongest feature.

Rachel was already in Harvey’s office when Mike arrived with his notes, he only stopped briefly in the doorway before entering.

“Hey.” She said, she didn’t seem mad which Mike was genuinely happy about.

“Hey.” He said calmly, offering her a small smile. She sat down on the couch “You ready?” he asked and Rachel nodded.

There was no point in any small-talk or catching up, so he decided to get straight to business. That was what this was all about, after all. Mike cleared his throat and stood in front of her “Miss Zane, is it true that you were living with Mike Ross, the lawyer on the other side of the takeover?”

Rachel’s breath hitched for a second because there it was, out in the open, they _were_ living together. Past tense. Not anymore.

“Yes.” She said, as strong as ever.

“And at any point during the takeover, did you discuss business with him?” Mike asked, and she shook her head.

“No.”

Mike asked her if she really thought he’d believe that, and she answered that she didn’t care because it was the truth.

The words stung. The truth. He muttered the words to himself before continuing.

“Did you discuss Logan Sanders with Mr. Ross?” Mike asked, and Rachel paused for a moment before nodding her head.

“Yes.” She said.

Mike continued with his interrogation, no point in sugarcoating it because that was exactly what it was going to be like. It didn’t take long before Mike got carried away, and when the topic of Rachel’s affair came up, he just couldn’t contain himself and even though he was aware that his voice was close to shouting, he just couldn’t stop as he continued accusing her of sleeping with Logan.

She was close to tears when she yelled out “I didn’t sleep with him!” She cried “Why do you even care anymore, you ended it!”

“Of course I care!” Mike yelled back and threw the notes on the floor. He knew what he had just done was cruel and unfair, but he hadn’t been able to stop himself and he felt awful. Mostly he felt awful because this was just further proof that they weren’t okay, and that things would never go back to how it used to be.

“I am sorry.” Rachel said, her voice weak. “I love you and I hate myself for what I did.”

Mike nodded “I think that’s enough questions for tonight.”

It had been awful and he just wanted to disappear, he dreaded telling Harvey how it had went because the other man had told him that they needed this and Mike had sworn that he would be able to do it. He’d let Harvey down again.

When Harvey opened the door to the apartment and saw the look on Mike’s face he just sighed heavily.

“I’m sorry.” Was all Mike said and Harvey just nodded and let him in.

“Food should be here any minute.” Was all Harvey said, and Mike gave him a grateful nod. “What movie do you want to watch?”

For some reason, they ended up watching _A Fish Called Wanda_ while chowing down on Pad Thai and noodles and for a while, Mike forgot about everything that was weighing on his shoulders and actually enjoyed himself.

“Thank you again, Harvey.” Mike said, while they were cleaning up “For everything.”

“Don’t mention it.” Harvey said, shrugging it off as he turned on the dishwasher. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do?”

Mike shook his head. He had bought the apartment for his grandmother, and then he had kept it for him and Rachel. He wasn’t sure if he could live there by himself.

“I’ll try to sell the apartment I guess, unless Rachel wants it.” He said and dragged a palm over his face. The thought made him nauseous “I need to talk to her.”

“Yes, you do.” Harvey said “You two were friends first.”

“Yeah, except we weren’t.” Mike answered as he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms “We were never just friends, maybe that was the problem.”

“What do you mean?” Harvey asked.

“I mean, now there’s nothing left, you know?” Mike asked “It was always this thing between us, she got jealous when I was with Jenny, even though we weren’t together and I…. I just don’t know where that leaves us, we can’t go back to being friends, because we never were… At least, not like….”

He stopped himself before he said ‘like we are’, or something like that.

“I get it.” Harvey said “Trust me.”

“Scottie?”

“We’re talking about your failed relationships, not mine.” Harvey said and offered Mike a drink, he was quick to accept.

“Let’s not talk about either.” Mike said “You prepared for court tomorrow?”

Harvey nodded “Jessica seems to think so, but-“

“You’re worried.” Mike said and Harvey nodded. They were always like this, that’s why they worked together so well. The other always knew what the other was thinking, or what he needed. They were like a well-oiled machine. Sometimes Mike couldn’t understand why he had ever left him in the first place.

_So you don’t care about him?_

_Of course I do, but I also care about my future with Rachel!”_

He remembered the conversation with Donna too well, how she had told him how much Harvey needed him. How much it had took the other man to let someone in, to trust someone. And here he was, letting Mike stay at his place. Mike kept screwing up and Harvey kept picking up the pieces.

“We’re going to fix this, Harvey.” Mike said “I promise.”

Harvey smiled “Thanks, Mike.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing he did the next morning was to go to Rachel’s office and knock on the glass door before letting himself in.

“Hey.” He said as he leaned against the side of the door and put his hands in his pocket.

“Hey.” She answered. She looked beautiful as always, but Mike knew her well enough to see how troubled she was.

“About last night.” Mike said and Rachel held a hand up.

“Mike, don’t.”

“I need to apologize.” Mike said “I didn’t mean for that to happen, and you didn’t deserve it.”

“Yes I did.” She said without missing a beat, and Mike had wanted her to feel sorry, had wanted her to hurt the way that she had hurt him. But that was just his first reaction, but he cared about Rachel a lot and he never wanted her to hate herself, because he knew the feeling and he would never wish it upon someone as close to him as she was.

“No, you didn’t.” Mike said as he walked into the room and leaned against the bookcase next to her desk. “I don’t want us to be like this.”

“Me neither.” Rachel answered, before swallowing “And I don’t know how to go on with my life without you.”

Mike took a deep breath and nodded “Me neither, but I think we have to.” He said and looked way when he could see tears forming in Rachel’s eyes. “I can learn to forgive you, Rachel, but I don’t think I can trust you again, not like before.”

“Mike-“

“Please just listen.” Mike said, and took several breaths before he was able to continue “And I think there’s a reason you kissed Logan, and I think a part of that had to do with me, with us.”

“I was happy with you.” Rachel objected.

“Maybe.” Mike said “But a part of you wanted to kiss him, and I don’t know why.”

Rachel shook her head “I don’t either.”

“Maybe you should try to figure that out.” Mike said “Until then I will do my best do act professional, but I can’t do this anymore.”

She nodded, looking like she couldn’t speak without crying.

“I don’t want us to fight.” Mike said again “I’m not coming back home, I don’t know what to do with the apartment, but if you want-“

“I can’t take it.” Rachel said, once she realized what Mike was asking “You bought that for you grandmother.”

“She’s gone.” Mike said, still hating to say the words out loud. Rachel just stared at him, understanding what he was saying: And now you’re gone too.

“I can’t take it.” She repeated.

“Okay.” Mike said “You can get your things when you’re ready.”

With that he left her office, knowing they should probably talk more about it, but now was not the time or place. All Mike wanted to do now was figure out what to do with the whole Louis issue. Actually that wasn’t true, all he wanted to do was to go back to the apartment and watch _Mad Men w_ ith Harvey and compare him to Don Draper.

He quickly shoved that thought out of the way since he had a deposition to get ready for.

“Your conversation with Rachel didn’t throw you off, did it?” Harvey asked as they made their way towards the conference room where Cahill was waiting.

Mike shook his head “It went relatively okay.”

“Good.” Harvey said “Let’s go get this guy.”

Cahill asked Mike if he was on good terms with Harvey when he left the firm. He thought about that night when he had left the firm, how intense everything had been, but in the end they had ended up joking about who would technically be working for who.

“Yes.” He answered. The question that followed about representation on the Gillis Industries takeover was obvious, and Harvey answered it in a heartbeat.

Then Cahill came with the accusation that they were pretending to fight. Ah, yes. The big collusion question. The reason they were there. Of all the things Mike thought he’d be on the stand for, this had not been on his list.

“You were supposedly fighting when this thing started, yet you claim that you weren’t fighting when it ended.”

“Who says we weren’t fighting when it ended?” Harvey asked back, always answer a question with a question. It worked on both in therapy and in depositions.

“You did.” Cahill said and pointed at Harvey “The day you hired him back.”

Okay, so all of that might seem a little sketchy when you looked at it from the outside, but Cahill didn’t know the whole story. The only problem was that they couldn’t tell him the whole story. Then Harvey threw out an example about the cowboys signing Deion Sanders even though they were rivals, because he was awesome. Mike took that as a compliment. Harvey thought he was awesome and it was all on tape. Then suddenly Harvey and Cahill were arguing over if Mike had screwed up or not, Cahill was basically saying that Mike had been absolutely terrible as an investment banker and Mike couldn’t help but replay the incident in his head. He had really screwed up.

“Why would you even want a guy like this on your team?” Cahill asked “What am I missing?”

“You’re missing the fact that he kicked ass his first time out and anybody would be lucky to have him!”

Mike knew Harvey would defend him, but the honest passion in his words even made him believe it. He had done nothing but doubt himself lately, but there was something about the way Harvey spoke about him that made him feel like maybe he wasn’t that awful after all.

Lost in his own thoughts, his eyes fell straight to Cahill when he asked why nobody else would take him.

“What?” He asked, and then Cahill looked down at his notes, stating that no major law firm in the city had received a resume from him.

Oh, shit.

“It’s clear that you were going back, because the two of you were in this together the whole time.” Cahill said.

“That’s bullshit.” Harvey replied, not the most legal answer, but it served for something.

“Oh, so it’s not true that the two of you are currently living together?” Cahill asked, but before Harvey or Mike could even open their mouths to speak, he held up a hand “It doesn’t matter, I’ve already had it confirmed.”

“Neither one of us got a nickel from this alleged collusion and you’ve got no proof we did.” Harvey said, just brushing the whole living-together thing under the table.

That was when Cahill thanked them and said that if they didn’t received any money, someone else did and that he knew where to spend his resources. Mike wanted to punch him in the face.

He briefly looked to Harvey, before Cahill turned off the camera and got up from his seat “I really hope everything works out with this living situation of yours, I’ll see what I can do about getting you joined cells in prison.”

As he walked out the door, Mike knew it was the wrong time, but he couldn’t help himself as he said “Does that make you Sucre?”

Harvey rolled his eyes at him, before leaning back and sighing. Yes, they had just led them straight to Louis. They needed a plan Z or something.

**

“I’m just saying, I am the one with the awesome memory, plus my name _is_ Michael so you’d be Sucre.” Mike said as he walked around Harvey’s office, playing with one of his signed baseballs.

“Okay, then you’ll die and I’ll steal your hot girlfriend.” Harvey answered and Mike nearly drops the ball.

“What?”

“You have seen _The Final break_ , right?” Harvey asked and Mike shook his head.

“I hate you.”

Harvey just smiled before his expression changed and turned serious, Mike bit his lips and put the baseball down. “You know what I think?”

“What?” Harvey asked, probably hoping Mike would come up with an idea.

“I think we both could have used a better lawyer in that deposition.”

“Do you think this is funny?” Harvey asked, and now he was getting both irritated and frustrated, which was always a bad combination when it came to Harvey Specter. Add a little bit of desperation, and you’d be wanting to stay far away from him.

Mike was well aware of the serious of the situation and Harvey didn’t need to remind him that Cahill would find out about what Louis had done and that the collusion between him and Harvey would seem likely to have happened. Mike also knew they had to stop Cahill from going through the files, but he had no idea how and Harvey pointed out that they already tried that. It was all about how Woodall hated Harvey, and that’s what they needed to prove.

“We don’t have a link between them.” Harvey said.

“And they have a link between Jessica and Malone.”

Yeah, so that had come up in court. Mike secretly wished he had been in court to see it for himself, and again he felt really bad when Harvey had told him what had happened between Jessica and Louis. He couldn’t help but feel like everyone was acting like hypocrites or something. As Harvey was talking about how they would never be able to prove that Jessica and Malone’s relationship didn’t have anything to do with the whole thing, Mike suddenly thought of something.

“How did they even know about them?” he asked and Harvey just shrugged.

“Someone at the SEC must have seen them when Malone was still working there.”

“This is Jessica we’re talking about.” Mike said, and Harvey caught on pretty fast and was about to say something when the woman herself appeared in the office.

“Talking about me what?” She asked.

“Holy shit, you’re right, she was married and I didn’t even know it.” Harvey said, looking at Jessica.

“I have a tendency to be right.” Mike said “Cahill had us followed without authorization, he knew about me staying with you, and I know Rachel’s smart enough not to have answered any questions that didn’t involve her directly.”

“There’s no way he had authorization to follow government official.” Harvey said, and it was like they were finally having the biggest breakthrough yet as they all connected the dots.

“You need to pay that man a visit.” Mike said.

“ _I_ need to pay that man a visit.” Jessica said and turned to leave, but stopped in the doorway “You’re living together now? Tell me when you decide to get married, at least then you can’t testify against him if his cover goes to shit too.” She said to Harvey, and with that she left gracefully.

Harvey turned his head back to Mike “She has a point you know.”

“I just moved in a couple of days ago and now you’re proposing, moving a bit fast don’t you think?” Mike asked, trying not to break into laughter.

“You haven’t moved in.” Harvey objected “If we get through this thing, I’ll take you out for dinner, how about that?”

“This is all getting very _Pretty Woman_ you know.” Mike said, and Harvey cocked his head to the side and looked at him.

“Richard’s Geer got nothing on me.” Harvey said “Besides, don’t except me to pay you to stay, as the matter of fact, I can’t wait for you to get going, I’m just a clean set of sheets to you.”

Mike smirked “I’m gonna treat you so nice, you’re never gonna let me go.”

Harvey smiled “Wow, Roberts got nothing on you either.” He smirked “And we’ll see about that.”

For some reason they ended up discussing old cases from Mike had first started working there, Harvey brought up how he had lost in housing court and Mike scowled at him. He could barely remember how emotionally attached he used to get to every case that struck a nerve with him, now they all seemed to blend together. Now it was just a job.

But it wasn’t just a job. It was where he belonged. As Harvey had often pointed out to him.

“It’s good to be back.” Mike said, and Harvey nodded.

“Mike.” He said, and sat up straight in his chair. Mike who had just slumped down on Harvey’s couch looked up to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out with Rachel. I know that was a huge big of why you left.”

Mike nodded once, he had started wondering lately if he never should have told Rachel his secret. It had been for them, partly. But now there was no more them, but Rachel was still in jeopardy and always would be.

“I’m sorry I left.” He answered “I’m sorry I was such a dick after I left.”

“You were a dick.” Harvey replied and Mike offered him a small smile, and his mind couldn’t help but go back to that night when they had both messed up so bad, he had worried there wouldn’t be a way back. But with Harvey there always was, they always seemed to forgive each other even when they put each other through hell.

“You were right, you know.” Mike said and sat up, resting his arms on his knees “I would be nothing if it weren’t for you…”

It took Harvey a moment to grasp what Mike was saying, before he let out a sigh as he too remembered that night. “I was way out of line, I was just being a dickhead.”

“Doesn’t mean it wasn’t true.” Mike said “I told you the night we thought I’d get busted, and I meant it, I wouldn’t have any of this without you.”

Harvey waited a moment before answering “I wouldn’t have any of this without you either.”

Mike cocked his head up and raised an eyebrow, not understanding what Harvey was saying, before he could ask though, Harvey decided to change the subject.

“We should have heard from Jessica by now.”

They ended up playing a very dull game of paperball basketball, and muttered about not hearing anything while throwing the paperballs into the trashcan.

Then suddenly Louis was in the office, none of them even realizing he had come in. “Harvey, you have a minute?” he asked, Harvey, who was still clearly upset just looked at him sternly.

“What do you want, Louis?”

“I’d prefer to tell you alone.”

Mike was about to get up and leave when Harvey objected. “Mike knows everything so spit it out.”

Mike was still sitting on the couch with a paperball in his hand, when Louis said something about coming to them like a man, when Jessica showed up and told them that Louis had turned himself in.

Mike couldn’t believe it at first, had Louis really been so concerned about bringing down the company and had so much guilt that he was willing to go to prison? Mike on the other hand, had fought tooth and nail over the last year to keep that from happening to himself. Even though he knew he would bring down Jessica and Harvey if he was ever caught.

Jessica kept yelling at him, telling him how he was going to get fired and how Mike and Harvey now looked definitely guilty. It was true, it had been a stupid move, but at least he had good intentions. Mike was a smart guy, maybe he’d figure out a way to break him and Harvey out of jail and they could flee to Rio or something.

Wait, what was Louis even doing here if he confessed to a major crime? Why wasn’t he already in jail?

“Wait a second.” He said, causing both Jessica and Harvey to stop their shouting for a minute “If you confessed, then why are you here?”

“They send me home.”

And after a lot of theories being thrown around, they finally figured out what they had been missing all along. Eric Woodall was in bed with Forstman.

“You two find the link between those two, and find it tonight.” Jessica said and breezed past Louis, barely acknowledging him as she went to do whatever it was she did.

Mike got up from his seat and threw the ball in the trashcan. As Louis left, Harvey went over to the couch.

“I’ll go get everything we have on them.” Mike announced.

“Guess we can rule out pizza and _Indiana Jones_ tonight.” Harvey said on a sigh.

“Major breakthrough, Harvey.” Mike teased “It’s a little more important, especially since you don’t even put out.”

“Just go get the damn files, junior.”

“Don’t call me junior.” Mike said on a wink before disappearing to the file room.

Pulling an all-nighter, with or without Harvey, was nothing new. The only thing different this time was the fact that even if they hadn’t needed to work, they still would have spent the night in the same place. The thought was oddly comforting, and Mike really appreciated the fact that he didn’t have to spend his nights in an empty and cold apartment. He wondered how long it would take before he’d stop waking up and missing the scent of Rachel’s shampoo.

It did take all night, but after the sun crept up and shone through the windows in Harvey’s office, and Mike was slouching on the couch while Harvey was sitting on the chair next to him, they finally found something.

“This could be something.” Mike said as he sat up and showed the document he was reading to Harvey. It turned out it wasn’t a good enough link though, and Mike was starting to feel frustrated and tired, and even though they had both discarded their jackets, it was still too hot and the air was too stuffy.

That was when Louis appeared, and it was obvious that he too had been working all night long.

Louis’ theory seemed pretty solid. Woodall and Cahill weren’t working together and they needed Cahill to look through his bank accounts to find the leads that lead to Forstman. It was a big ‘maybe’ as Harvey had stated, but it did seem possible.

Louis knew he was getting fired, and all he wanted to do was help and try to fix his mess. Mike could relate to that. He remembered sitting in that interrogation room and Harvey telling him to sell him out. It had been horrifying and unsettling to see the lengths Harvey was really willing to go for him. A friend had never looked after him like that before.

He looked to Harvey, and he told Louis to get his coat. Mike was proud of him.

So they went to Cahill’s office and long story short, they all kicked ass and somehow they managed to clear Harvey and Mike from any collusion theories, and Louis’ name was cleared. At least for now. Mike really didn’t want to think about it too much. This was a win in his book. Especially since Woodall would be going away for a long time.

They went back to the office and Louis and Harvey seemed to have made up, which was a good thing since Jessica was giving them all the death stare once they got off the elevator. Louis walked away, and Mike sighed and took a hold of Harvey’s arm.

It was an unfamiliar gesture, but it seemed right at the moment. He felt like he needed to remind Harvey that he wouldn’t be back if it wasn’t for Louis.

“Which means that I owe him a lot.” Harvey said “I’ll take care of it.” He said before turning to go after Jessica.

For the second time in two days, Mike was left wondering what Harvey was really telling him with all these half-compliments or confessions or whatever they were. He never seemed interesting in sticking around to tell him.

It hadn’t worked and Louis had left before anyone had the chance to fire him, which was quite intentional. He knew Harvey felt like shit, and he sure as hell felt like shit himself so Mike made Harvey dinner. The only thing he could make was a killer pasta sauce, so he made spaghetti, even though it reminded him of Rachel, he did it to try to cheer Harvey up.

“This is the best pasta I have ever had.” Harvey said before taking another mouthful. Mike smiled before taking a drink of his wine.

“My grandmother taught me.” Mike answered, laughing as he noticed the sauce practically dripping from Harvey’s chin. Harvey was always a very classy dude, and seeing him so caught up in something so simple as Mike’s pasta was quite entertaining. “You’ve got sauce all over your face, man.”

And much to Mike’s surprise, instead of getting a napkin, Harvey opened his mouth to show Mike the half-chewed food he was eating. Mike coughed and laughed, sputtering wine everywhere. Harvey swallowed and smirked at him with a clear satisfaction in his face.

“You’re disgusting.” Mike said, as he fought the urge to flick some parmesan cheese on Harvey’s face.

“Really, Mike, this was great.” Harvey said, pointing to his plate with his fork. “Thanks.”

Mike offered him another smile “It’s the least I could do.” He replied. His mind went back to Louis, but he tried not to think about it, it wasn’t anything they could do tonight anyway. They’d have plenty of time to worry about it tomorrow.

“I can’t believe we dodged the bullet once again.” Mike said, shaking his head in disbelief. They were bound to run out of luck sometime, and Mike was afraid to think about what would happen then.

“Me neither.” Harvey said “To think, we were that close to getting caught for something we actually _didn’t_ do.” He said teasingly, Mike tried to smile back but he was too worried. He was too worried about everything lately.

“You once told me that I should leave and start over someplace new where no one have heard of me, or you or Pearson Specter.” Mike said, his voice turning serious and Harvey put his fork down and stopped eating, so he could listen to him. “I’ve taught about that a lot the last few days.”

“Why?” Harvey asked.

“Because there has been too many close calls and I don’t care what you say, because I can’t bring you down with me.” Mike confessed, and before Harvey was able to speak, he added “Or Donna, or Jessica, or Rachel… This isn’t fair to any of you, this should be my burden, not yours.”

“And I told you that I knew what I was doing, everyone knew what they were getting themselves into by learning your secret and keeping it.” Harvey said, sounding almost upset.

“So you should be punished for being loyal?” Mike said.

“If it comes to that, then it will be because we broke the law.” Harvey said “Either way you spin it, that’s how it is.”

“Do you think I should leave?” Mike asked, looking Harvey straight in the eye. Harvey blinked twice before sitting up straight and meeting Mike’s eyes with the same amount of intensity.

“I want you to stay.” Harvey said “Stay.”

It took a second, and then another one, but then Mike nodded “Okay, I will.”

“Good, I have a feeling we’re going to need you.” Harvey said, as he went back to his food “You have to give me this recipe.”

“Then you wouldn’t have any reason to keep me around.”

“Even better.”

Mike returned his grin.


	4. Chapter 4

Mike woke up in the middle of the night, as an old habit he reached out to Rachel, but all he felt were cold sheets beneath his fingertips. He sighed heavily and buried his sweaty face into the pillow before pushing himself off the bed. Turning on the lights, he dried his face with his palm and looked in the mirror that hung over the dresser. He was pale, and the sweat had made his hair stick to his face. He couldn’t even remember what the dream had been about, he just remembered waking up terrified. There was two things he knew for sure right then, he missed waking up to Rachel, and he was eternally grateful for the fact that he was staying with Harvey and didn’t have to wake up to pictures of him and Rachel on his nightstand.

Taking a deep breath, wondering if he should take a shower or not, he swore he could hear someone in the living room. With a puzzled look, he opened the door and made his way towards the sounds. Sure enough, there was Harvey, sitting in on the couch and watching TV. Mike didn’t recognize the characters, but it looked like a crime show.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked, and a startled Harvey turned his head and let out a breath when he saw it was just Mike sneaking up on him.

“Something like that.” Harvey answered.

Mike went over to him and slouched down in the couch next to him, throwing his feet on the table. He could feel Harvey’s eyes on him and turned to see a puzzled look on Harvey’s face. “What?”

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks.” Mike replied dryly.

“You need to get some sleep.” Harvey commented, before turning down the volume on the TV. It didn’t seem like he had been paying much attention anyway so.

“I haven’t been able to get a good night sleep… Since Rachel told me.” Mike said, not being able to meet Harvey’s eyes “I know it’s stupid given everything that’s happening right now.”

“It’s not stupid.” Harvey said “I’m not as much of an asshole as you might think you know, I get it.”

Mike’s lips curved up in a smile “You’re the one who thinks you’re an asshole, not me.” He said, and it was like he had just said something so shocking and profound that it changed the entire world Harvey Specter lived in, because he looked completely at a loss of words. “And you’re right, I should get some sleep, but so should you.”

“I know.” Harvey said “Tomorrow’s gonna be rough.”

“I think it might be rough for a while.” Mike answered “So yeah, sleep would be good.”

Neither of them moved.

Instead, they ended up making some popcorn and watching Indiana Jones like they talked about. Mike’s eyes drifted closed somewhere during The Last Crusade and when he woke up again, the sun was peeking through the curtains from the balcony, and Harvey had one foot snuggled up against his thigh, and his head was comfortably on a pillow against the armrest of the couch. Mike didn’t know if he should wake the other man or not, but in the end he decided against it. The sun had just risen and he knew Harvey needed as much sleep as he could get. Smiling, he carefully got up from the couch and went to take a shower. It would be much better to wake Harvey with a fresh cup of coffee later, anyway.

The next couple of days was a complete blur, and time went by so slowly and so fast at the same time. It was unreal what was happening. Louis was gone, his name scraped off the door and Mike was desperate to keep his on his own door.

Harvey had calmed him down and given him the case he wanted, reassuring him that he wouldn’t let Jessica fire him. Mike believed him, and so far it had worked out okay that Harvey always fought his battles with him, but now everything had changed.

Harvey had set up a meeting for Louis in Boston so he could be with Sheila, but it hadn’t worked out and Mike was feeling even shittier than before and decided to go and comfort the other man in any way that he could. It hadn’t worked though, as Louis just seemed to be at his lowest ever. He felt terrible that there was nothing he could do after everything Louis had done for him.

He’d try to bury himself in work, and do what Harvey had told him, but his mind was elsewhere. He thought about going to Robert Zane for a favor, but he couldn’t do that now that he and Rachel was no longer an item. It would be rude and to be honest, he was scared to face the man. Maybe Rachel could do it on Louis behalf…

As Katrina breezed past his office, Mike felt even worse. Louis had been the only one to stand by Katrina at a hard time in her life, and even though Mike had disliked her a lot back then, he understood what she must be feeling now that Louis was gone.

“Tell me you have something.” Harvey said as he entered Mike’s office, Mike coughed and looked down at his completely blank computer screen and bit his lip.

“I’m all over it.”

Harvey threw his head back in frustration and sat down opposite of Mike “Didn’t we already have this conversation?”

“I was thinking…”

“About Louis?” Harvey finished “Well, don’t, I’ve already tried everything I could think of to help him, but he won’t take it.”

“Harvey…”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Harvey said sternly, making sure Mike knew he was being serious “I need you to fix this, we need this client and you wanted, no, begged me for this case so god damn act like it.”

Mike nodded once. “You’re right.” He said, and as Harvey went up to leave, he couldn’t stop himself from adding “But not about Louis.”

“Just get this done.” Harvey said before exiting Mike’s office in favor for his own.

The next few days was rough, Mike felt obligated to help Louis and tried to help him with whatever he needed, he dropped of his boxes from the office and tried to take his mind of things, but Louis just wanted to be alone. He worked on the case all day, and often stayed behind in the office even after Harvey had gone home. If Harvey had gone to bed before he came home, there was always take-away or dinner he could reheat with a note on it, telling Mike to eat and go to sleep.

It was nice. That was all Mike could say about it.

He’d tried repeatedly to get Louis to open up and talk to him, but he also failed miserably. Donna wasn’t having much better luck, it seemed and Mike was running out of options. The poor man couldn’t get a job anywhere in the city, because, like everyone kept pointing out to him, it was a bloodbath out there.

Mike was able to figure out how they could solve the problem the firm was having, even if it meant going to Jonathan Sidwell and practically begging him to take them up on their business offer. The man didn’t want to, understandably. Then Harvey had praised Mike up to the sky in how loyal and wonderful he was, and that he shouldn’t hold what Mike had done against him, or as a chance to miss a great opportunity. Mike felt like he was given new air in his lungs. It was astonishing to see how much faith the man had in him.

That night, Harvey had taken him out on that dinner he’d promised. Mike had ordered some fancy sliders with sweet potato fries, and was enjoying every second of it. Harvey ordered them another drink, and Mike grinned at him. Even though money was rarely a problem anymore, it was nice to be appreciated through Harvey buying him dinner.

“Great work today.” Harvey said, as he took another piece of his steak.

“Thank you.” Mike said “Also, thank you for what you said earlier.”

Harvey brushed him off with a movement of his fork. Harvey had a way of trying to pretend that things like that never happened. He had trouble being vulnerable and opening up, it didn’t matter though, because Mike would remember.

“I’m going to start looking for apartments tomorrow, by the way.” Mike said “I’ll be out of your hair soon.”

“Have you even cleared out your old one?” Harvey asked.

Mike shook his head.

“Do you have the money for a new place?” Harvey asked, and again Mike shook his head. Harvey sighed. “Then don’t worry about it, okay?”

“I’ll start clearing out my stuff this weekend.” Mike said “I think Rachel’s already started packing, I should call a realtor or something.”

Harvey took a sip of his drink “I know a guy, he’s really good.”

“If he’s your guy, then I wouldn’t expect anything else.” Mike said “Speaking from experience.”

Harvey smirked at him then.

“Oh, and thank you, again.”

“Stop apologizing.” Harvey said “You’re starting to seem pathetic.”

“Nice.”

“Pussy.”

“You’re the pussy.” Mike stated, and Harvey cocked his head to the side in a very Specter-way.

Before Harvey could say anything else though, his phone was ringing in his pocket. Mike sighed heavily, knowing that if someone was calling at this hour, something was wrong.

“It’s Donna.” Harvey said before answering, Mike only took another drink, watching Harvey with intensity as he could see the other man’s expression changing by the second. Something was definitely not right.

When he hung up, he quickly fished for his wallet “Donna’s at the apartment, we have to go.”

“What’s wrong?” Mike asked.

Everything was wrong. Absolutely everything. When they got to the apartment, Donna was already inside. Unsurprisingly she had a key. As she told the story of how Louis had figured out that Mike didn’t go to Harvard because of that stupid key he had kept asking about, Mike felt a complete idiot and completely horrified at the same time.

“He knows.” Mike said, and his voice didn't even sound like his own. This wasn't happening. 

“Yes.” Donna said, it looked like she’d been crying. “He’s devastated, and angry, and there was no talking him whatsoever.”

Harvey looked like he was about to throw the coffee-maker through the window, while Mike started pacing around the room like he always did when he panicked. He wanted to ask Harvey what to do, but he was pretty sure that at this point, Harvey would just yell at him.

Louis knew, and he was clearly upset and embarrassed and Mike couldn’t imagine any scenario that he would ever be okay with this.

“What did he say?” Mike asked.

Donna shrugged her shoulders “It was really bad.” She said “He was so mad at me.”

If he was mad at Donna, then there was no way he would ever forgive Mike… Or Harvey, for that matter. What would he do? Had he already called the authorities that was on their way to pick Mike up? Mike felt sick thinking about it.

“I have to try to talk to him.” Harvey said, he sounded desperate. When that tone of voice escaped Harvey’s lips, then it was really bad.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Donna said “He was absolutely furious with me….”

“What am I supposed to do then, Donna?” Harvey asked “I can’t let him turn us all in….”

“You have to throw me under the bus if he does.” Mike said “You can’t go down with me, I’ll be okay.”

“Louis already knows that we knew.” Harvey said, dragging a hand through his hair.

“I don’t care.” Mike said “I’ll lie, he doesn’t have any evidence, we’ll just-“

“Enough, Mike!” Harvey yelled “We’ve already talked about this.”

“He went to Jessica.” Donna said.

“What?” Harvey asked “Why?”

Mike knew the answer before Harvey was able to figure it out, or Donna had a chance to answer. “He’s blackmailing her.” Mike said “What’s the one thing Louis wants more than anything?”

Harvey let out a loud groan and looked between Donna and Mike. “I need to talk to Jessica.”

“I’ll come with you.” Mike said, but Harvey put his hand on his chest to keep him from moving.

“No, you stay here.” Harvey replied, and Mike let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Was Harvey mad at him? No, he couldn’t be. He was probably just scared, but he wouldn’t admit it.

“I could help.” Mike offered.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Harvey said. “I’ll call you later.”

So Harvey left for the office, probably calling Jessica to let her know he knew what had happened. Donna and Mike decided to bring out Harvey’s good stuff and get drunk. None of them had any idea how to fix this. It rarely happened, but Mike also knew that this was also something that Harvey couldn’t fix either.

“It’s been good knowing you.” Mike said, clinking his glass with Donna’s and downing it in one go. He had lost count of how many times he’d refilled his glass, and frankly, he didn’t care. Donna didn’t seem up for lecturing him either, as she wasn’t far behind.

“You said it yourself; Louis wants the name on his door more than anything.” Donna said, her words were barely slurred, but leave it to Donna Paulsen to be graceful even when she was drunk. “He won’t sell you out if Jessica gives it to him.”

“What’s to say she will?”

“Or else she’s just as screwed as the rest of us.” Donna replied, Mike sighed heavily and put his glass on the table, not bothering with a coaster.

“So when will it end?” Mike asked, feeling his voice cracking, but trying his best to hold it together. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a good night’s sleep, and he was exhausted, and everything was going to hell. He probably shouldn’t have gotten drunk as well. It was an awful combination. “I ruined _everything._ ” He breathed out.

“Mike.” Donna said, putting down her own glass as well before scooting closer to him. “It wasn’t your fault, we all wanted you to stay.”

“I should have left anyway.” Mike said “I should have left the firm when Jessica found out, I could have left the city after my grandmother died.” He said, feeling slightly nauseous and wondering if it was the alcohol or just in general “I was selfish.”

“You were human.” Donna said “And if this is it, then we had a good run.”

Mike let out a dry laugh then and leaned back against the coach, he was about to thank Donna for being so amazing, but instead he ended up covering his mouth as he ran for the bathroom.

 


	5. Chapter 5

When Mike woke up, he had a pounding headache and he smelled like old vomit. Oh no, he remembered getting drunk with Donna, and missing the toilet bowl in the guest bathroom. He could also faintly remember Harvey giving him a ‘god damn-it’ when he got home and found him on the bathroom floor, before helping him up and almost throwing him on the bed.

He really didn’t want to get up and get a lecture from the other man, but he knew it was well deserved. He reached over and turned off the alarm that was blaring away, and trying to kill him. After sneaking into the bathroom and showering, and making himself presentable, he made his way to the kitchen where Harvey was making coffee.

“Aspirin?” Was the first thing he asked, and Harvey nodded towards the cupboard above one of the kitchen counters. Mike gave him a grateful nod before getting the aspirin and some orange juice.

“So? Should I get ready for men in handcuffs to come bursting through the door and take me away?” Mike asked.

“Not just yet.” Harvey said. “You puked all over my bathroom yesterday.”

“I’m sorry.” Mike said “Thanks for cleaning it up.”

“It was disgusting.” Harvey said “Grown man who can’t hold his liquor, that was a waste of good scotch.”

“Sorry.” Mike said again, his eyes were still glistening and his throat was sore. He looked around the room, it was tidied up and he felt bad that Harvey had to come home to such a chaos the night before, and then had to clean up after him. Like always.

“Donna helped clean up.” Harvey said, like he knew exactly what Mike was thinking. “She went back to her place to change.”

“Oh.” Mike answered, he was curious to what had happened last night, but a part of him really didn’t want to know. Bracing himself, he popped up on the kitchen counter, ignoring the pain soaring through his temple and met Harvey’s eyes. “Tell me.”

Harvey offered him a cup of coffee, which he accepted at once and took a sip as he listened to Harvey talk. Jessica had been furious, which Mike had expected. He was starting to feel grateful that he hadn’t been there. She actually had no idea what to do, but was leaning towards giving Louis what he wanted.

“If he sells us out then it’s all over.” Harvey said “Even if Jessica manages to stay out of prison, she will lose her license and the company.”

“Is there something I can do?” Mike asked, “Is there anything I can do or say to him?”

Harvey shook his head then, crossing his arms over his chest as he kept eye contact with Mike, something he only did when things were getting very serious. “After what Donna and Jessica told me, I think we’re past the point of reasoning with him, Mike.”

“But this is all my fault, maybe if I told him my part of the story….” Mike said, he hated how desperate his voice sounded, but this wasn’t like the times in the past when his secret had been revealed.

Donna knew pretty much from the start, and she would back up Harvey no matter what. Jessica was already too far in it when she found out, and Harvey had backed him up each time it had become an issue. He’d been scared to death when Rachel had found out, but he was reassured that the secret was safe with her, and he still believed that. Trevor was never really a threat, he wasn’t smart enough. This though, this was just plain horrible. He and Louis were friends, or at least he thought they were, which only made everything worse. He had lied to him, deceived him and embarrassed him with this and Mike couldn’t picture him letting it go.

“Shit.” Mike breathed out, he was at a loss of words. Harvey just looked at him before he took one step closer, and when Mike thought he would put a comforting hand on his shoulder, the other man smacked him across the head. “Ow!” Mike exclaimed “What the hell, Harvey?”

“How many times are we going to keep having this conversation?” Harvey asked “It’s _not_ all your fault, if you’re going down, then I’m going down with you.”

“That does not make me feel any better.” Mike said, the last thing he ever wanted was to bring Harvey down with him.

“Donna told me how you poured your heart out to her last night.” Harvey said, and Mike scoffed at the small smirk that was visible on Harvey’s face.

“Shut up.” Mike said “I was drunk.”

“Yes, I noticed.” Harvey said as he went into the fridge and got some eggs and bacon. “Last time I take you out to dinner if you’re just going to discard it all over my bathroom floor later.”

Mike groaned, he knew Harvey didn’t want an apology. He was just hassling Mike, both to make him think about something else and because that was Harvey did when he tried to avoid something.

“Now you’re just being a dick.” Mike said.

“Seriously, Mike.” Harvey said as he cracked a few eggs in the pan. “You weren’t selfish for not leaving when you had the chance, you deserve to have a life.”

“Donna told you the whole story, huh?” Mike asked “She once ripped me a new one for breaking the confidentiality of our private conversations.”

“She was worried about you.” Harvey said. The smell of bacon that filling the room was like heaven, bacon was the best hangover cure ever and no one could ever argue Mike on that point. “Does she need to be?”

“No.” Mike said “I’m just being a pussy.”

“Human.”

“You’re being nice.” Mike said “That means that things are really going to go to shit for me, right?”

Harvey didn’t answer as he got two plates out from the cupboard, Mike jumped down from the counter and put two slices of bread in the toaster. It didn’t matter if it was in the office or at home, they worked perfectly in sync with each other.

“I’m fired, aren’t I?” Mike asked.

“Not to my knowledge.” Harvey said, when Mike looked at him with disbelief, Harvey just stared back at him with annoyance as he put their breakfast on the plates and handed one to Mike. “Eat.”

“Thanks.” Mike replied “But seriously, tell me.”

“I don’t know.” Harvey repeated, “Louis hadn’t mentioned it, but it was clear that he only had one thing on his mind at the time.”

“But Jessica wants me gone, right?” Mike asked, as popped a piece of bacon in his mouth.

“When does Jessica not want you gone?” Harvey answered, and Mike really hated it when he answered a question with another question, not that it wasn’t true.

“Rachel texted me yesterday.” Mike said “She’s taken out all her stuff, I was supposed to start clearing out today.”

“I’ll go with you.” Harvey said “You did good yesterday, you can have Saturday off.”

“You want to get your mind off of things, huh?” Mike asked, and he got it of course. Not many people in the office worked on Saturday, and those that did, were exactly the kind of people you wanted to avoid on days like these. “Okay, I don’t suppose you know a moving-truck guy too?”

“How big of a truck do you need?” Harvey asked, before taking a bite of his toast.

Unbelievable. Maybe Louis had been right. Maybe Harvey really was batman.

So after a solid breakfast and lots of water and coffee, and making sure Mike wasn’t going to throw it all up again, they went to Mike’s old apartment, only making a brief stop to buy some moving boxes.

“There should be some more boxes in the coat closet.” Mike said “If Rachel didn’t use them, that is.”

Harvey didn’t comment, only went over to the closet and checked inside. “They’re still here.” He said, which was a good thing, because Mike had almost forgotten how much stuff he had. He was sure he hadn’t brought that much stuff from his old apartment, but there was a lot he and Rachel had bought together and he figured everything that was left was his to take if he wanted it.

“I should have a yard sale.” Mike said.

“You don’t have a yard.” Harvey replied, as he picked up a couple of boxes and made his way to the kitchen. “You want to go through this stuff first, to find out what you want to keep?”

Mike sighed heavily as he took a look around the half-empty apartment. It seemed very real all of the sudden. Rachel and he had broken up and they weren’t getting back together. Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder, and he turned around to fake a smile at Harvey.

“We’ll start with the kitchen, yeah?” Mike said, and was grateful that Harvey didn’t comment on how his voice was close to trembling.

“Sounds like a plan.” Harvey replied.

Mike wasn’t very good at organizing, his first apartment without Trevor had been a mess. When he’d gotten the job at Pearson Hardman, he had gotten a little better and his bullpen area was somewhat tidy, the stuff in his current office had a system to it, kind of. When he had moved in with Rachel, she had most say in where everything should go. It turned out though, that Harvey wasn’t much better than him with these kinds of situations.

“Didn’t we put the bowls in that box over there?” he asked and pointed to the box in the corner “I found some more, they are red though, should they go in the same box?”

Mike shrugged his shoulders and couldn’t help but snicker at him “Donna really does organize your entire life, doesn’t she?”

“You’re not doing so much better yourself, hotshot.” Harvey said, gesturing to where Mike had three half-packed boxes and scattered utensils, pans and kitchen towels, covering almost the entire kitchen floor.

“We’ll never get this done today.” Mike said “We’ve been here for two hours and we’re not even finished with the kitchen.”

Harvey brushed him off with a wave of his hand and mumbled a “Don’t stress it.”

“I just don’t want to prolong this anymore than necessary.” Mike replied, throwing another kitchen towel into a box. Harvey sighed and took it out of the box that was supposed to have casseroles in it, and folded it neatly before putting it into the right box.

“Then maybe you could put more of an effort into it.” Harvey said, before Mike just offered him another fake smile before looking down at the floor.

Harvey nodded in understanding before he leaned down and sat down on the floor opposite of Mike.

“You’re on the floor.” Mike said.

“How observant of you.” Harvey replied, before he started helping Mike organizing the mess he’d created.

“You’ll wrinkle you pants.”

“They’re jeans.” Harvey answered casually, not really looking at Mike as he was too busy trying to make a system out of Mike’s utensils. “I’ll live.”

“Thanks.” Mike said as he let out another breath. “Have you talked to your realtor yet?”

Harvey shook his head, and looked at Mike “Are you sure about selling?”

Mike really wasn’t sure to be honest. Everything was happening so fast and he really loved this apartment. He looked sideways to where the kitchen table used to be, and thought back to when he’d told Rachel that it didn’t matter what he did with his life as long as he had her, and then she’d dropped the bomb about Logan.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Mike said “I can’t stay here.”

“Okay, I’ll give him a call on Monday.” Harvey said, when Mike didn’t answer, just kept staring at the floor, Harvey put a finger under his chin and made him look at him. “Hey, chin up, kid.”

Mike gave him a genuine smile then, before throwing a kitchen towel in Harvey’s face.

“Jesus, how many kitchen towels does two people need?” Harvey asked, before throwing it back to Mike, who laughed.

“Where the hell am I going to store this?” Mike asked, and before Harvey could answer, Mike spoke again “Let me guess, you know a guy?”

Harvey chuckled “Yes, me.” He said “I have a storage unit, came with the apartment, it’s almost empty.”

“You’re too good to me, Harvey Specter.” Mike joked and Harvey smirked at him.

“Trust me, I am well aware.” He said, and Mike mustered up the courage to ask something he’d been thinking about for a while, but never really got the chance to.

“Hey, Harvey.” He said as he dusted off a pan that had been laying unused in the cupboard for too long. “When you told me that you wouldn’t have any of this without me, what did you mean?”

“What?” Harvey asked, at firs the looked taken back by the question, like he didn’t understand what Mike was talking about, and then he seemed to recall the conversation as well. Mike didn’t say anything as he was waiting for him to come up with an answer.

“The same thing you meant.” Harvey answered then “I thought it was pretty obvious.”

Mike scoffed, and took a deep breath, feeling like he was doing that a lot lately, like he could never get enough air.

“I wasn’t the one who took a chance on a kid with a lifetime of regret and nothing to show for it.” Mike said “All I did was let you build me up, knowing that if I went down I would drag you with me.”

Harvey looked mad for a moment then, as he just stared at Mike, gritting his teeth. “Yeah, that’s all you did.” He mumbled, before he got up from the floor. “I’m going to go start in the living room.”

“Wait, what?” Mike said, his voice so low that he wasn’t sure Harvey had even heard him. What was Harvey upset about, had he said something wrong? He thought what he’d said had been somewhat of a compliment to how Harvey had believed in him.

“Harvey!” He said as he scrambled off the floor and followed after him, watching him throwing decorative pillows in a box. “What’s wrong?”

Harvey huffed and puffed like he’d been running a marathon. “After everything, you still haven’t gotten it through your thick head?”

“Gotten what?” Mike asked, he was seriously confused now.

Harvey threw the box on the floor, and the pillows fell out. Mike barely noticed.

“You think that I kept you around for some ego-trip to make me feel good about myself?” Harvey asked “That the only reason I stick up for you is because then I can remind myself before going to bed that, ‘okay I did a lot of shit today, but at least I am still giving that hopeless kid a chance even though I’ll probably get locked up today if anyone finds out’?”

His voice was growing louder by the word, and Mike really hated it when Harvey was mad at him, it was probably because of that that he couldn’t quite understand what Harvey was saying to him either.

“Harvey, I didn’t mean-“

“What else is new?” Harvey asked “I keep you around because you are a damn good lawyer, degree or not, and as I told Walter Gillis, when it comes to caring you are twice the man that I am!”

Harvey was breathing heavily by the time he was finished, and while his eyes were big and full of both confusion and wonder, Mike couldn’t help but smile.

“Because we’re a team” Harvey said, and Mike nodded.

They balanced each other out perfectly, sometimes Mike cared too much and Harvey had to bring him down to earth and face him with reality. Sometimes one of them didn’t care enough, and the other one had to remind them that this should never be just job. Because Mike was the best at finding loopholes and clues and proofreading while Harvey was spectacular at closing cases and doing everything he had to do to win.

It was them. It was supposed to be the two of them, and it had been proven time and time again that if one of them was missing then what was the point?

“Yes.” Was all Mike answered, not really sure how to put it into words any other way. “We are.”

Harvey puffed one more time, still clearly annoyed with the subject as he bent down and picked up the pillows and put them back in the box. “Go finish up in the kitchen.”

“As you wish.”

“Have you’ve been watching _The Princess Bride?_ ” Harvey asked with amusement, Mike just grinned and disappeared into the kitchen.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Since they weren’t finished packing by dinnertime, Mike ordered a pizza and they watched _The Princess Bride._ Even though the only thing that wasn’t in boxes was the couch and the TV, the apartment seemed a lot less empty with Harvey’s movie commentaries and laughter.

Mike wondered why Rachel hadn’t brought he couch with her, she had been the one to buy it after all. Maybe she knew that Mike needed one, since most of the furniture technically belonged to her. He pushed the thought away as Harvey laughed and took another bite of his pizza.

“I love this movie.” Mike said, and Harvey glanced over at him. “It was my dad’s favorite.”

“Really?” Harvey asked with a smile around his face, as he leaned over and got the remote to turn down the volume slightly. “How come?”

“I’m not sure.” Mike replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “I was just a little kid when it first came out, can’t even remember the first time I saw it, but I remember him telling me the story before going to bed, he used to call my mom Buttercup when he wanted something.”

It was a fond memory, and he remembered how his father never left out any details so he often fell asleep before his father could get to the very end.

Harvey chuckled at that.

“It’s good story.” Harvey said. “Your dad had good taste.”

Mike raised his head from where it had been staring at his entwined fingers, and looked at Harvey with a smile. “He would have liked you.”

“That’s quite the compliment.” Harvey said “I think my dad would have liked you too, he’d find you a bit cocky though.”

“I’m sorry.” Mike laughed “Did he not know _you?”_

“He found me too cocky as well.” Harvey said “That’s how I know.”

“Harvey Specter, are you comparing the two of us?” Mike asked, with a sly grin on his face “I think that’s the greatest compliment I could ever get from you, seeing as how you admire yourself more than anyone.”

“Being compared to me is the greatest compliment you’ll ever receive, thank you very much.” Harvey said, and shoved Mike’s side playfully.

“What was your mother’s?” Harvey asked then, and Mike raised his eyebrows in confusion “Her favorite film?”

“Oh.” Mike said and then another grin spread across his face “Wizard of Oz.”

“Good.” Harvey said “Then I know what we’ll be watching tomorrow.”

Mike smiled at him before getting himself another slice of pizza.

They were able to finish packing everything in the kitchen, living room and guest room that day, and decided to save the main bedroom and bathrooms for tomorrow. When he locked the door to the apartment for the night, he felt completely drained, both emotionally and physically.

Harvey looked tired as well, and Mike had a suspicion that he’d spent a lot of the day thinking about the Louis situation. Ray picked them up outside, and both Mike and Harvey was grateful that neither of them had to drive.

“Do you even know how to drive?” Harvey suddenly asked when they were halfway home, and Mike rolled his eyes at him.

“Of course I do.” He said “My grandmother taught me.”

“Really?” Harvey asked, and Mike nodded.

“Wasn’t until later I found out that she hadn’t had a license in years.” He said, and couldn’t help but chuckle when he saw the expression on Harvey’s face.

“Crime runs in the family then?” Harvey asked and Mike shrugged his shoulders with an innocent smile.

“I wouldn’t call it that, we’re more like-“

“What?” Harvey asked “Survivalists?” He’d said it before he could think about it, and when Harvey realized what he had said, his entire face dropped like he had just cursed in front of a nun. Mike just stared at him.

“Mike, I-“

But before he could get the chance to apologize, Mike started laughing hysterically and it was Harvey’s turn to stare at him with a dumbfounded expression on his face. Mike didn’t know if it was because he was tired, or because his entire life had been turned upside down, but somehow he found the situation too funny, and he pointed at Harvey.

“Your face, dude.”

“Something is seriously wrong with you, kid.”

Mike just laughed even more. He should really feel guilty for laughing at Harvey, who was feeling terrible for cracking a joke about the fact that Mike’s entire family had passed away, but he just couldn’t help himself.

“I’m sorry.” Mike said as he got himself together, and put a hand on Harvey’s shoulder and squeezed it. “Sorry.” He repeated, as his laughter died out.

Then Harvey was the one to let out a laugh “You really need a good night’s sleep, you know that right?”

Mike nodded “Yeah, I’ll try again tonight.” He said “I know you’ve been dodging the subject all day, but I have to ask, have you talked to Jessica today?”

“You’ve been with me the whole day.” Harvey replied.

“Harvey….”

“She sent me an e-mail.” Harvey said “And Donna texted me, said she tried to talk to Louis again, but I’ll talk to both of them on Monday.”

“Okay…” Was all Mike replied.

“Mike.” Harvey said “If there’s one thing I’ve learned about life, is that unless you drop dead, it goes on.”

“That was very poetic, almost brought a tear to my eye.” Mike said, and Harvey just looked at him, clearly annoyed. “And seriously, stop reminding me that all my relatives are dead, jeez.”

Harvey just looked at him for another moment before propping up in his seat and taking a breath like he was about to say something important, instead he coughed and looked Mike straight in the eye and said “You’re a little shit, you know that right?”

Mike started laughing again.

It was a relief to wake up the next day to the alarm clock and not feel a blaring headache or the need to get more sleep. Mike had slept better than he had in a long while, and there was almost a smile on his face as he made his way to the kitchen, even though he hadn’t had his coffee yet.

Harvey wasn’t in the kitchen, which meant he was probably in the shower. Mike felt a funny feeling in knowing Harvey’s morning routine, hoping he’d soon discover something that he could tease the other man about. He pushed the thought away, what he really should be doing was looking at apartments.

Sighing at the thought, he put on some coffee and found his lap top in his bag by the door. He wasn’t sure how much he could get for the apartment, he was just happy that his lease wasn’t a problem, that would have been awful.

Fifteen minutes later, Harvey made his way into the kitchen too. He was dressed in sweatpants and a T-shirt, and his hair was still slightly wet and he hadn’t groomed it yet. “Morning.” He said, and Mike nodded his head to the side.

“There’s coffee.” He said, before he continued scrolling the pages.

“What are you doing?” Harvey asked as he poured himself a cup, and walked over to where Mike was leaning against the counter with his eyes glued to the screen.

“Looking for an apartment.” Mike said.

Harvey didn’t answer at first, just looking at the screen as well “You’re scrolling awfully fast.”

“None of them seem right.” Mike replied, even though he hadn’t even clicked on half of the ones that seemed reasonable to his price range and location.

Harvey didn’t answer, he just walked over to the fridge and got some milk. That was when Mike looked up from the screen and turned his attention towards the other man. “Wow.” He said and it took Harvey a few seconds to register that he was talking to him.

“What?” he asked.

“You’re wearing sweatpants.” Mike said “I didn’t think you even owned any sweatpants.”

Harvey looked down at his clothes and then back at Mike “I used to wear them for boxing.” He said “If you must know.”

“Oh, I must.” Mike said “Much more casual, not so intimidating, I like it.”

“Well, now that my own personal fashion police have approved my wardrobe, maybe you could go and get dressed too?” Harvey asked “Who are you to comment on my clothes anyway, do you have any idea what kind of a train wreck you were when I first hired you?”

“Harvey.” Mike said, before he started making his way back to the guest bedroom to get dressed “It was a compliment, just take it.”

Rachel had taken most of the stuff from the bathrooms, like the towels, soaps and all of her own things. The bathroom next to their bedroom seemed empty, and it was like it smelled completely wrong. Mike hurried to pack the remaining things, before he made his way into the bedroom where Harvey was putting away linens and sheets.

“She did you a favor with you letting you keep these.” Harvey said “Your bedding in your old apartment was disgusting.”

“Shut up.” Mike replied, before he went over to the nightstand. There was still a picture of the two of them on his side of the bed, but everything on her side was gone. Mike wondered if she had kept some of the pictures of them or if she’d thrown them away.

“You can keep it you know.” Harvey said “No one excepts the two of you to just magically get over each other and move on with your lives.”

“Thanks.” Mike said, honestly he had no idea what to do. He still had pictures of them on his phone, and he dreaded the thought that they might never be together again. He wondered how she was feeling, if it was getting easier, if she had talked to Logan after Harvey had dropped him as a client and if she was still staying with Donna. He thought about her.

“It’s not fair though, is it?” Mike asked “It would be like I’m holding onto her, even though I was the one who told her it was over for good.”

“Maybe.” Harvey answered. “It’s your call, I’ll go clean out the guest bathroom.”

“Okay, I’ve already marked the boxes.”

“Great.” Harvey said “The movers should be here in an hour, if we finish early, I’m buying you a late lunch.”

“Can we get drinks too?”

“It’s five o’clock somewhere.” Harvey replied with a grin “Seriously, Mike, take your time.”

Mike gave him a nod, and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as soon as Harvey closed the door behind him to give him some privacy. He remembered sitting on the floor and eating dinner their first night in the apartment, he remembered how he tried to convince Rachel to bring his chair, he remembered making love to her in their bed and holding her while she slept, he remembered how the entire room smelled like cinnamon and vanilla after she’d taken a shower. Mike also remembered the bad parts, he remembered their fights and their insecurities with each other, how they knew exactly what buttons to push to make the other one go crazy, and exactly what to say to make life just a little bit better.

Knowing that the good parts outweighed the bad parts were oddly comforting. Mike sat down on the bed with the picture frame in his hand, and realized that he should just grateful that he had the privilege of loving someone who loved him back. Someday he’d move on, someday she’d move on and maybe someday down the road, they could both be happy again even if it wasn’t with each other.

He took the picture out of the frame and left it by the window.

After everything had been taken out of the apartment and it was just as empty as it had been the day Mike had bought it, it seemed like he had just gone back in time. Like nothing he had done in the last year had mattered, then he looked to Harvey and realized that of course it had.

“It’s just a chapter, Mike.” Harvey said “Not the whole story.”

“You are oddly insightful today.” Mike said and put his hands in his pocket before taking it all in one last time “Come on, I believe I was promised lunch.”

“And drinks.” Harvey said “Never underestimate the value of a good scotch.”

“I rarely do.”


	7. Chapter 7

Monday came way too soon and Mike wanted nothing more than to go back to eating take-out and watching Wizard of Oz with Harvey again, maybe without the comments about the costumes this time. When he thought about it, Mike should really find some more friends. Harvey had pretty much babysat him for the last couple of weeks, and Mike hadn’t really thought about the fact that maybe Harvey wanted to go out and do whatever it was that Harvey Specter did during his free time.

“Hey, if I’m not fired or arrested today, I might go out with some of the other associates tonight.” Mike lied, and Harvey just frowned at him as they made their way to the elevator.

“Do you even know any of the other associates?” Harvey asked as he pushed the button. Mike scowled at him, but couldn’t exactly say he knew them all that well anymore.

When he’d first gotten there they had all been jealous and childish towards him, and he hadn’t made that many, if any, friends. The only one he ever actually talked to was Harold. Since he had gotten his job back at the firm, after everything that had happened, and a new office and the junior associate title as well, Mike had a feeling they weren’t going to feel any warmer towards him.

“Katrina.” Mike said “I thought I should ask- Oh, shit, do you think Louis told her?”

Harvey groaned and it seemed like he hadn’t thought about it either. They entered the elevator, and luckily, they were alone so they could continue their conversation.

“Harvey, he tells her everything.” Mike said “You’d told me if the tables were turned, wouldn’t you?”

Harvey hated that he knew the answer to that question, because of course he would have told Mike, he always told Mike everything when shit was about to go down or the firm was in danger. Every mistake, and every bump in the road, they tried to work out together.

“Crap.” Was all Harvey answered as the elevator doors opened. Mike noticed Harvey’s sideways glances at him as they made their way down the corridors. “Relax, would you?”

“I feel like I’m about to be jumped by cops any second.”

“Not gonna happen.” Harvey said “I have a meeting with Jessica, you should probably go find Rachel.”

“What, why?” Mike asked, not understanding how relationship status had anything to do with the big picture here.

Harvey stopped at Donna’s desk, and she glanced up at them, eagerly wanting to know what they were talking about.

“Because she is a part of this as well and deserves to know if shit is going down.” Harvey said “Besides, you should discuss the apartment situation, I’ll call my realtor after my meeting.”

“You’re right.” Mike said and looked down at Donna, who looked quite worried herself. It seemed like everyone had dreaded Monday. “Is he here?”

“I haven’t seen him.” Donna said, knowing who Mike was talking about. “Norma said something about him coming back today though.”

“Damn.” Harvey said “I have to go see Jessica, everyone keep their game-faces on, okay?”

Mike and Donna both nodded, before Harvey disappeared to go find, what was probably a very displeased managing partner.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” Mike said “I was shaking so hard this morning, I could barely tie my shoelaces.”

“Tell me about it.” Donna said “I mean, I know he’s hurt, but I never thought he would react like this.” She said sadly, and Mike felt a sting of guilt.

“I’m sorry, I know you guys were really close.” Mike said “I never wanted you guys to-“

“We’ve already had this conversation, Mike.” Donna said, and her voice changed from sad to stern in the matter of seconds. “And I had no problem showing a little sympathy when this all went down, but now you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and face the reality of the situation.”

Mike wanted to defend himself, but whenever Donna told him something with that voice, he knew the best thing to do was listen, because she was right more often than not. “Okay.”

“Good, now go do what Harvey told you and talk to Rachel.” Donna said “I’ll keep an eye out, so we’ll know when we’re about to get Litt up.”

Mike groaned, before he turned to go and find Rachel “Thanks, Donna!” He said over his shoulder, and she just glared at him. Mike pretended he hadn’t noticed.

Rachel was in her office as usual, busily working on something. Mike knocked twice before entering and closing the door behind him.

“This can’t be good.” Rachel said, and Mike shook his head.

“Sorry to tell you like this.”

“What?” Rachel asked “You’re seeing someone new?” she said jokingly, but when Mike’s expression didn’t change, she just gaped at him. “Oh my god, are you?”

“No, of course not.” Mike said as he took one step closer “You haven’t been staying with Donna?”

The only reason he figured that was the case was because Rachel didn’t know about what was happening, and there was no way she could have stayed with Donna for these couple of days without Donna spilling the beans.

She shook her head “I’m staying with my parents until I can find a new apartment.” She said “I’ve got one lined up, I think.”

“That’s good.” Mike said “Harvey was going to help me with this really good realtor so we should get a good price.”

“We?” Rachel asked “Mike, you bought that apartment.”

“Yes, and you invested the money from your old apartment into everything we needed for it.” Mike said “Plus, you have school as well as work, we should split the profit.”

Rachel looked like she was way too tired to argue and just held up her hands in defeat “Anything else?”

Mike wetted his lips and swallowed, and because Rachel knew him as well as she did, she immediately understood something serious was going on. “Mike.”

“Louis knows.” Mike said “He found out.”

It looked like Rachel was about to ask ‘about what’, but then she stopped herself as she realized exactly what he was talking about. “How?” She asked with a bewildered look still on her face, like she was unable to grasp that the situation was really happening.

“It was my fault.” Mike said “I slipped up… I don’t know if he’s aware that you know as well, but I just thought you should know, he’s really upset.”

“Has Donna-“

“She’s tried, he’s furious with her as well.”

“Then it’s really bad.” Rachel said, looking down at the papers in front of her for a moment, like she was trying to figure out what to say or do. “Let me know what happens okay?”

Mike just stood there like a question mark.

“Mike, your secret is safe with me.” She said “Just let me know what happens so I can prepare, okay.”

“If you have to prepare for anything, prepare what you need to protect yourself.” Mike said “I’m not sure if I could live with myself if I knew that I’d ruined your life as well.”

“Please don’t.” She said “Please don’t say things like that.”

Mike wanted to apologize, but instead he just nodded and walked out of the office without another word.

Harvey dropped by his office after his meeting with Jessica to give him a brief update and another case to work on to keep himself occupied. Mike wasn’t too happy about the update, since Jessica still wasn’t sure what to do and Louis still hadn’t showed up for work. He was more than happy to take the case though, so he had something else to do besides worrying.

“Pro-bono.” Harvey said as he tossed the file onto Mike’s desk, and Mike had brief flashback of the first case Harvey had given him. “Just up your ally.”

“Is Jessica counting on you to work this case?” Mike asked, as he flipped through the pages.

“I am pretty sure she gave it to me, knowing I would give it to you.” Harvey replied as he sat down in the chair on the other side of Mike’s desk and glanced around “This office brings back a lot of memories.”

“Please keep your graphic details to yourself.” Mike said “I really don’t need to know what you did in this chair.”

“Oh please.” Harvey said, smirking at Mike and folding his hands in his lap before adding: “I had to replace the chair.”

“Don’t you have any work to do?”

“You have a meeting with the client at noon, stop by my office before you go, okay?” Harvey said, it was more of a statement than a question and Mike just gave him a confirming nod before Harvey disappeared out the door. He was probably on his way to call his realtor. Mike was really grateful that Harvey was helping him out with that as well, there was just too much stuff going on at once and most of the time he felt like he was about to pass out. He coughed and straightened up in his chair, he had to concentrate on the case now. He couldn’t screw that up as well.

Mike was slowly able to build up a solid case, only hoping that the meeting with the client wouldn’t reveal something unexpected that he hadn’t taken into consideration. He was on his way to the printer when he stopped dead in his tracks as he saw Louis and Katrina emerging together from the elevator.

He was torn between running in the other direction, pretending nothing had happened and hurrying over to Louis to apologize, or beg him or _say something._ Instead he just stood there with his mouth hanging open, and before he knew it, Louis had caught sight of him.

Mike expected Louis to be angry that he was still at the firm, to look at him with disappointment or betrayal in his eyes, just something. Louis did neither, he just glanced briefly in his direction before continuing with whatever it was he was doing.

Mike didn’t even realize he was holding his breath until Louis was out of sight, then he forget all about the stupid printer and almost sprinted to Harvey’s office, hoping he was there.

“What are you in such a hurry for?” Donna asked, there wasn’t confusion in her voice, but something that sounded a lot like fear and she quickly got up from her seat and followed Mike into Harvey’s office.

“Louis is here.” Mike said before Harvey could ask him what he wanted. Harvey immediately got up from his chair and looked Mike straight in the eye. He looked a lot like he had when Mike had told him that he’d slept with a married woman.

“Did he say something to you?” Harvey asked, his protective instincts clear as day.

Mike shook his head “He barely acknowledged me.” He said and then turned his head to look at Donna “He was with Katrina.”

“I thought she had been fired.” Donna said “Well, I guess Louis is running things now.”

“Like hell he is.” Harvey said. “Jessica won’t let him weasel himself into taking over everything.”

“Harvey, relax.” Mike said, trying to calm Harvey down who looked like he was ready to throw something across the room. “I think I should talk to him.”

“No.”

“It can’t make things any worse!” Mike argued.

“The hell it can’t!” Harvey shouted back “You go work on your case, I will go talk to Louis.”

“Harvey, do you think that’s such a good idea?” Donna asked.

“I don’t really have a choice; he was probably on his way to Jessica.” Harvey said “Go, get ready for your client meeting.”

“Harvey…”

“Go, Mike!” Harvey nearly shouted at him before he exited his office and made his way towards Jessica’s. Mike was left standing there with his mouth hanging open.

“Just do as he says.” Donna said “You’re probably right, how much worse can things get at this point?”

Mike felt like Donna had just jinxed them all.

The meeting with the client went surprisingly well and Mike was able to get through it without worrying too much about what might be waiting for him at the office once he got back. He was pretty sure they would be able to close the case and give the client the compensation she wanted.

Mike couldn’t help but hold his breath as he entered the building, and again on the elevator ride up to the office. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was second away from everyone finding out and getting his ass thrown in jail. It felt selfish though, thinking about it, when everyone was working their asses off trying to stop that from happening. He should do what he could to help them, instead of worrying what would happen to him. It wasn’t just careers at stake any more, everyone’s life would be at risk if Louis told the police what was going on. Mike was just praying that he still loved the firm as much as he used to and wouldn’t comprise it with this.

Like he had.

He shook the thoughts away and made his way to Harvey’s office, no one was staring and no one seemed to be aware of how everything was going to hell.

“Can I?” Mike asked as he went passed Donna, pointing to the office. The door was open so he didn’t wait for an answer as he made his way inside.

“Hey.” He said, standing nervously in front of Harvey’s desk, fidgeting with the papers he had in his hands. He couldn’t even remember what they were.

“How did it go?” Harvey asked, way too nonchalant for Mike’s liking at the moment, but Harvey was an expert with his poker face.

“Very well.” Mike answered “I highly doubt it will go to court, we’re meeting opposing council on Wednesday.”

“Great.” Harvey said, still not looking up from where he was typing on his computer. Mike looked over his shoulder at Donna as a reflex, for when he wasn’t sure what was going on, but she also seemed to be working on something and for once, not very interested in what was happening inside the office. “I called my realtor.” Harvey said, snapping Mike out of his trance.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, he wants to meet with you at the apartment tomorrow.” Harvey said “I’ll give you an extended lunch break.”

“Thanks.” Mike said “Hey, I was thinking about heading downstairs for a pretzel and some coffee, you want some?” He realized his voice was shaking and he really tried not to push because Harvey didn’t seem to be in the mood, which meant that his talk with Louis didn’t go to plan. The worst part was that Harvey didn’t seem mad, or frustrated, just tired.

“Mike.” Harvey said, before he finally looked up at his associate. “Just ask, okay?”

“How did it go?” Mike asked at once, before hurrying over to the door and closing it. “What did he say? What’s Jessica going to do?”

Harvey sighed heavily and got up from his chair, putting his hands in his pockets and taking a few steps around the room. “It didn’t go well, exactly.” He said “I’ve never seen him like this before, I mean, he’s always been driven, but now…”

“Does he hate me?” Mike asked, and he knew it sounded pathetic, but he had to know.

Harvey shrugged his shoulders “I think he hates the world right now, he feels betrayed.”

“I can’t really blame him.” Mike said.

“Well, tough.” Harvey said, his voice growing a little harsher. “What the hell did he expect us to do? Tell him? He would have handed you over in a second.”

“I’m guessing he never would have expected us to do this in the first place.” Mike replied, his own voice louder, he was mad. He didn’t know who he was mad at any longer, but he was just…. Mad. “He looked up to you, and-“

“Don’t do that.” Harvey said “Don’t pin this on me, it’s not fair of him or of you to put me on this pedestal and expect me to be perfect!”

Mike just stood there for a moment before nodding “I know.” He said, taking a step towards Harvey. “I know it’s not.”

Harvey took a deep breath and just looked at Mike, like Mike was a puzzle just waiting to be solved. “I don’t know what to do to fix this, kid.”

Mike smiled “You said that once before, remember?” Mike asked “When Louis invited Professor Gerard for the lecture?”

Harvey sighed “That was different, he’d thought you’d flunked out of a class.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Mike said “It still meant that I didn’t have a valid diploma from Harvard, it still meant that there was more than enough legal grounds to have me fired, pinned as a fraud, but he didn’t do it.”

“This time it’s different.” Harvey said.

“He didn’t give me up, because he valued us as his friends.” Mike said “He did what he thought was right.”

Harvey just shook his head in disbelief. “He didn’t think Jessica knew, he didn’t know how he could turn that to his advantage.” Harvey said “Mike, he saw his love for the law in you, and now he has broken that law himself,  and he wants his name on the door more than anything.”

Mike shrugged “I have to believe that there is still some compassion left in him.” He said “He gave up Sheila to save me from Forstman.”

Harvey didn’t answer.

“Harvey, even if he doesn’t.” Mike said, before wetting his lips and taking a deep breath “It’s okay, it’s not always your job to fix everything.”

Harvey bit the inside of his cheek, before swallowing and nodding once. “You really believe in him that much?”

“I don’t really have a choice.” Mike replied. “Do you believe in him at all?”

“I believe in you.” Harvey answered without any doubt or hesitation. “That’ll have to do for now.”

“Okay.”

Harvey nodded “Okay." Then he waited a second before asking "What do you want to eat tonight?"

"You don't have plans?" Mike asked, trying to sound discreet, but Harvey looked right through him.

"I was thinking Thai."

Mike couldn't help but smile at him "Sounds good." 


	8. Chapter 8

The entire day passed and Mike wasn’t called into Jessica’s office once, he didn’t see Louis or Katrina and neither of them seemed to have any interest in talking to him, Donna came by with a cup of coffee and a bagel sometime during the afternoon, but the coffee went cold and the bagel ended up in the trashcan. He worked on the case and made sure that everything would go as smoothly as possible on Wednesday, he got all the information about the apartment that the realtor might want to look at the next day and he browsed at apartments. Most of all he thought about where he might be when the weekend came, where the firm would be, what position he had put his friends in, and tried to find a way to get them all out of this mess if it came down to it.

Harvey popped into his office around nine that evening, ready to leave. Mike said he had more work to be done and that Harvey should just head back without him. At first Harvey had just stood there in his doorway, with a look of disbelief on his face before he went inside and stood next to Mike’s desk.

“You’ve done everything you can do for today.” Harvey said, his voice calm and almost soothing to Mike’s ears, which had been ringing all day.

“No, I haven’t.” Mike said, not even bothering to lie and tell Harvey that he needed to work on the case, knowing that Harvey knew that that wasn’t what he was doing.

“Mike, there’s aren’t any loopholes this time.” Harvey said. “Now, I said I believed in you, and if there’s any way out of this, then you would have found it.”

“There has to be something I can do.”

“There is.” Harvey reminded him, and put a hand on his shoulder “You can come back home with me, get a good night’s sleep cause God knows you can use it, and then you can wake up tomorrow feeling a little bit better.”

Mike wanted to say that he didn’t deserve to feel better, but Donna had been right earlier, he shouldn’t wallow in self-pity when there was work to be done.

“Johnson keeps asking me to go over the notes from the deposition from his divorce case.” Mike said “Thought maybe I should get around to that before heading home.”

“Okay then.” Harvey said, and instead of leaving like Mike thought he would, Harvey took off his jacket and hung it on a chair, before sitting down. “I’ll help, we’ll be done in no time.”

Mike looked up from his computer then “It’s not exactly a job for a managing partner.”

“It’s not a job for you either; some half-ass associate could do it.” Harvey said “Not easy being popular, is it?”

“How would you know?” Mike asked “You’re not exactly on first-name basis with any of the partners.”

“They are just jealous of my awesomeness.” Harvey said “Now, do you want my help or not?”

Mike smiled at him, before getting the file with the notes out from his desk drawer and handing it to Harvey “Always.”

When they got home, Mike was too tired for dinner or a movie, so he decided to politely decline Harvey’s offer on pizza and Netflix and went straight to bed. Somehow, he slept better than he had in a long while and didn’t even realize that he woke up without stretching out for Rachel’s warm body.

It had become somewhat of a routine already, waking up and heading for the shower, eating breakfast with Harvey and talking about what they had to do that day, Ray picking them up and dropping them off at the office. Sharing an elevator ride, and Harvey reassuring Mike that he still had a job. They would walk together down the corridors, chatting and joking. Mike would go to his office to work on his case, while Harvey would work on something of his own, making sure to pop into Mike’s office every now and then to oversee that everything was okay.

Mike had texted Rachel, asking her if she wanted to come with him to meet the realtor at lunch, but she had classes. Instead he’d taken Donna with him.

While the realtor, Daniel, was walking around the apartment and checking over the papers that Mike had brought him, Donna was casually leaning against the kitchen counter and talking to a very distracted Mike.

“You should get a good price.” Donna said, and Mike nodded absent-mindedly. Donna cocked her head to the side, and kicked him in the shin.

“What the hell?” Mike asked.

“I don’t like it when I am trying to make an effort and people don’t acknowledge my presence:” She said, in a very Donna-way.

“Apologies, your excellency.” Mike said, no real heat behind the words. “Got a lot on my mind.”

“We all do.” Donna answered, “Stop sulking, you’re still here, aren’t you?”

Mike nodded. He knew he should just try not to think about it so much, but it wasn’t easy. Jessica still hadn’t wanted to talk to him, which he found very unsettling. Louis wasn’t acknowledging him, and the firm was still called Pearson Specter, and he was pretty sure that Harvey wasn’t telling him the whole story.

“It’s a great apartment.” Daniel said “Wonderful location, beautiful floors, a pretty great view.”

“Great.” Mike said, not really caring so much about the apartment that he thought he would have. He just wanted this to be over with so he could move on.

“How much were you thinking?” Daniel asked, and before Mike could answer, Donna started negotiation prices with him. Mike had to thank her later, because in the mood he was in, he probably would have asked for way too little and ended up having to rent another dump later on.

He thought about it, Rachel said she already had an apartment lined up. Mike on the other hand, hadn’t even found one he was interested in looking at in person. Even though it had barely been two weeks since he and Rachel had broken up, it seemed like an eternity. It was like every day just dragged on, but time also seemed to fly by. Living with Harvey hadn’t been the experience he’d thought it would be. Mike had been afraid he’d be in the way, that seeing Harvey both at work and at home would make them argue and cause stress and tension, but instead it had had the opposite effect. The security of being able to lean on Harvey, and knowing that he could be there for the other man as well, even after they had gone home from the office, was very comforting.

Mike knew he had to move out, it wasn’t his apartment, and he knew he had already stayed for too long, but a part of him didn’t want to. He didn’t know if it was the feeling of not being ready to start all over again, or that he didn’t want to be alone when he got home from work, but right now, the last thing he wanted was to pack his toothbrush and leave. Mike was most afraid that it was because he’d miss Harvey too damn much if he moved out.

After shaking Daniel’s hand and going outside to fetch a cab back to the office, Mike took a deep breath and asked Donna if she wanted to go with him to look at apartments that weekend.

“I thought Harvey would be coming with you?” She asked, and Mike raised his eyebrows.

“Why would you think that?” He asked, and Donna just smirked and shrugged her shoulders.

“Just seems like the two of you are even more inseparable than usual, lately.” She said, in a know-it-all tone of voice. Mike was able to hail a cab, and opened the door for her.

“We’re just looking out for each other.” Mike replied.

“I don’t know.” She said “It’s just like, something’s changed.”

Donna didn’t care to elaborate what that was as she got into the cab, and Mike was left wondering what she was talking about before following after her.

Mike followed Donna into Harvey’s office to update him on the apartment situation and thanking him again for introducing him to Daniel.

“Glad it’s working out.” Harvey said “You ready for your meeting with opposing council tomorrow?”

“Yes.” Mike said with confidence “Her name’s Shelby Townsend, I haven’t heard of her before.”

“Never been up against her, but heard about her.” Harvey said “You should be okay.”

Mike smiled at him and walked over to Harvey’s records, and started playing with them. Harvey knew him too well, because after only a few seconds he straightened in his chair and said “I haven’t talked to Jessica today, I think she’s still deciding.”

“I didn’t ask.”

“You didn’t have to.” Harvey said “Look, I’m working on a sexual harassment case, if you feel like you’re all set to go tomorrow then you can get in.”

“Yes!” Mike exclaimed at once, more than happy to bury himself in work. “I mean, I could do that.”

Harvey grinned at him “Good.” He said before going into the case’s details and parties. Mike nodded and took it all in, internally screaming for the chance to get busy again. He appreciated that Jessica had given him a somewhat easy pro-bono case, but the distraction hadn’t been enough. Mike was an all-or-nothing kind of guy.

When he was finished, he gave Mike a file to proofread and a copy of the work Harvey had already done so he could catch up.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were working this case?” Mike asked.

“You were working on the pro-bono case.” Harvey said “I wanted to make sure you stayed focus on that.”

“I am actually able to work on more than one thing at a time, you know.” Mike said, while skimming through the pages of the file Harvey had given him.

“You’ve had a lot to deal with lately.” Harvey said, and because Mike was very mature and could handle that with a dignified response, he stuck his tongue out at Harvey.

“How grown-up of you.” Harvey said, and Mike just snickered at him.

“I’ll have these done by two.” He said and held up the file.

The rest of the day passed like every other day. He was starting to wonder if a car had hit him or something the day Rachel and he had broken up, and that he was now in coma, because everything felt so surreal. He proofread files for Harvey, he found loopholes for the other partners who were still arguing over who would get his help first, sometimes he’d bump into Rachel on his way to get coffee or a snack from the break room and they would have an actual polite and nice conversation. The day would end and he would meet up with Harvey by the elevator and they would drive back to the apartment where they would make dinner or order take-out and then watch _Mad Men_ on Netflix.

He’d won the pro-bono case and Jessica had actually dropped by his office to tell him he’d done a good job, but left it at that, like nothing else was going on. Like their lives couldn’t be ripped apart any second. Louis still ignored him, but Katrina smiled briefly at him whenever they caught sight of each other. There was still only two names on the door when the weekend came and Harvey and Mike stayed behind at work to figure out their next step in the harassment case that had been taken to court.

It was like nothing and everything was happening all at once, and a part of Mike wanted to storm into Jessica’s office and scream at her and tell her to fire him and send him away. He wanted to run to Louis’ house, knock, and yell through the door, tell him how sorry he was and to tell him to hate him, or fight him or just do something.

Instead, he just sat next to Harvey and looked over the company policies and witness statements in complete silence.

“Are you okay?” Harvey had asked, and Mike didn’t want him to ask. He was tired of Harvey feeling sorry for him, and worrying about him, when that was all the man ever did. Mike wanted Harvey to be mad at him for slipping up, he wanted Harvey to be able to have a healthy relationship without Mike and his secret getting in the way, the way it had with Scottie. Most of all he just wanted everything to be okay.

But Mike was an adult now, he had responsibilities and he could no longer live one day at a time like had with Trevor and Jenny. Things wouldn’t always be okay, and he couldn’t try to fix things by wanting them to happen, he couldn’t keep wanting other people to change the way they were or acted.

“No, I’m not okay.” Mike said “I want you to talk to me.”

“I told you, I haven’t spoken to Jessica today.”

“I know.” Mike said “Are you okay?”

“What?” Harvey asked.

Mike sighed “I’ve been selfish lately.” He said “I’ve worried too much about what’s going to happen to me.”

“You haven’t been selfish at all.” Harvey said “All I ever hear you yapping about is how you’re going to drag me down with you, and how this will affect Donna, and Rachel and the firm-“

“Exactly.” Mike said “All _I’ve_ been yapping about, but that’s all about how I feel, what I’m concerned about, when you are the one who has to talk to Louis and have the meetings with Jessica, the one who’s firm is in danger.”

Harvey scoffed “I don’t need to have a therapy session, Mike, I just want to get this work done so we’re ready for court on Tuesday.”

“Okay.” Mike said “Just know that it goes two ways you know, even if you won’t admit it, we’re friends, and we’re in this together, always have been.”

“I know that.” Harvey said “Truth be told, I’m scared shitless, we all are.”

Mike smiled at him then, and he didn’t know why. “I don’t want you to be scared.”

“I don’t think you should consider posing as a therapist just yet.” Harvey said sarcastically, as usual, he came up with a quick remark whenever the situation became too emotional.

Mike didn’t care though, if he’d realized anything lately it was that life was short and you couldn’t always get a second chance. Somehow it was important for Mike, no, it was the most important thing for Harvey to know that he wouldn’t have changed a thing. Not when it came down to the two of them.

“You know, when Jessica found out my secret….” Mike started, and Harvey looked up from where he was reading again. Mike didn’t know what to say, how to express himself, so he tried again. “I have a lifetime of regret, I have this tendency of screwing up and making the wrong choices, often because I believed they were the right at the time.”

“Okay.”

Trevor. Harvard. Jenny. Rachel. Harvey. His job. Sidwell. God, he’d screwed up so many times that it was like a second nature to him at this point, but the people he really cared about always forgave him which made him think that maybe sometimes he was still able to make the right decisions.

“You were different.” Mike said “You were successful, you had gone to Harvard, you had fought your way from the bottom and you had earned everything to get you to where you were, and I came into that interview with a suitcase full of weed and a smart mouth and you took a chance on me.”

“Mike-“

“Shut up.” Mike said “No one’s ever done that for me before, not like you did, and for me, it’s okay that I have a lot of regrets, but I never wanted _you_ to regret giving me that chance.”

“Listen to me.” Harvey said, leaning forward and resting his arms on his legs, looking Mike straight in the eye. “Whatever happens, I never regretted you, not once.”

Not it. You. He never regretted Mike. Not giving him the chance. Not all the fights. Not the arguments about Harvey’s lack of caring, or Mike’s way of letting his emotions get the best of him. Not their fight with Daniel Hardman or standing up for him with Jessica. He didn’t regret getting high with Mike after his grandmother had died, or how they always forgave each other for the stupidest shit. None of it.

“Okay?”

“Okay.”


	9. Chapter 9

Harvey didn’t comment on it when Mike hurried out of the guest bedroom and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl in the kitchen and said that he was late for meeting Donna to go apartment hunting.

Harvey only answered with an ‘okay’ when Mike texted him saying that he would grab lunch with Donna, and then they would look at one more apartment before he was heading home. Mike didn’t know why he felt the need to let Harvey know where he was and what he was doing, but he felt like it was common politeness to let Harvey know about his whereabouts when they were practically living together.

Mike came back sometime during the afternoon, feeling tired and unsatisfied with the choices that had been presented to him. Maybe it was just the fact that he was getting so used to living in a penthouse apartment in Manhattan that his standards were set too high, but Mike knew why he hadn’t really liked any of the places he’d looked at. They had all just seemed to empty.

He considered just getting a small, shitty apartment like the one he had first lived in when Trevor had moved together with Jenny. The one he’d had when he first started working at the firm. Maybe then it wouldn’t seem too big and too empty, if it was literally only room for one person to be living there.

“Hey.” He said as he hung up his jacket in the hallway and kicking off his shoes before making his way into the apartment. Harvey was sitting by the living room table, looking over some case notes and eating a bowl of cereal.

“Hey.” Harvey answered, “How did it go?”

Mike went to go and get his own bowl of cereal when he stopped dead in his tracks when he opened the cupboard “You bought cocoa puffs?”

“That’s your preferred brand isn’t it?” Harvey asked, a little sass clear in his tome. He didn't exactly agree with Mike's eating habits. “Can’t see why you like it, but getting kind of sick of hearing you complaining about my Raisin Brain’s every other morning.”

Mike took the cereal out of the cupboard, not being able to keep back the grin that was plastered across his face. “You bought me cocoa puffs.”

“Shut up.” Harvey answered, and that was the end of that moment, Mike was still grinning as he made his way over to Harvey and sat down though. “Milk?” Harvey asked and Mike looked down on his dry bowl of cocoa puffs and shook his head.

“I just ate lunch; this is more of a snack, a dessert if you will.” He said as he tried to sound sophisticated, but Harvey just scoffed.

“Right.” He said “So, you didn’t answer my question?”

“It went okay.” Mike said “Found a place that was pretty ideal, a bit out of my price range though so it might be gone before I have the money to snatch it up.”

Harvey nodded “You could always get a roommate.”

“I could, but would he buy me cocoa puffs?” Mike asked, grinning once again. “Besides, I think I’m past that stage in my life.”

“It’s a cereal, not a proposal.” Harvey pointed out, before he pushed his empty bowl away and rested his arms on the table in front of him. “So you haven’t found anything yet?”

“I think my standards are too high.” Mike said “But seriously, Harvey, if you want me out of your hair, just let me know.”

“The market is a fucking disgrace at the moment.” Harvey said “You’ll find something, did Daniel call yet?”

Mike nodded “He’s got a few buyers lined up, I think they are looking at the apartment on Wednesday.”

“That’s good.” Harvey said “Much easier to be looking at new places when you actually have the money.”

Technically Mike did have the money, he’d saved up and been very financial after he got a steady income and he couldn’t exactly complain about his salary. So if he wanted to, Mike could have gotten the apartment that Donna thought was perfect for him. Mike just didn’t see the point in buying an apartment that didn’t feel like home, just for the sake of having somewhere to live.

“You’re probably right.” Mike said “But I could just check in at a hotel, it wouldn’t be any trouble.”

“Don’t be an idiot.” Was all Harvey said about that, so Mike didn’t push the subject any further, but instead he helped Harvey go over the case notes.

“Next time you go out looking for place to move, let me know okay?” Harvey had said in the middle of their work session, Mike didn’t know why, but he figured it was because of convenience in case Mike was suddenly moving out.

“Okay.” Mike had answered, before Harvey nodded and continued going over the workplace regulations.

Harvey had bought enough groceries to last for a week, and Mike had complained about Harvey not keeping the receipt so he could pay for half of it. Harvey had just brushed him off and said that Mike would pay for it the next time they needed groceries. Which meant that in his own nonchalant way, Harvey was expecting Mike to stay for at least another week. Mike didn’t comment on it.

For dinner, Harvey fired up the grill on the balcony while Mike made the salad. They ate outside for once, since it was a surprisingly warm day and the sun was still up when they were getting ready to eat. They talked about the case, and how the super was going to stop by the next day to look at the leak under the kitchen sink, it all seemed very normal.

“I can take a look if you want.”

“You?” Harvey asked, as they cleared the table.

“The super in my old apartment building was kind of a dick, plus he hated me, so I pretty much fixed all minor repairs myself.” Mike said, and left out the part about the super being awful to him because he never seemed to be able to pay his rent on time. It seemed like a lifetime ago. In many ways it was.

“If you flood the apartment, then you’re paying for the repairs.” Harvey said, and Mike agreed to that and made a mental note to take a look at the plumbing before going to bed.

They put everything in the dishwasher, cleaned up in the kitchen and Harvey put on a movie while Mike went into the guest room to change into sweatpants and a T-shirt, he felt somewhat stuffy in the suit he’d been wearing earlier. Harvey, who had stayed at home the entire day, was already in comfortable clothes.

“Jessica stopped by earlier.” Harvey suddenly said, in the middle of _Jerry Maguire_.

Mike’s eyes shot from the screen to Harvey. “What?” he asked “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m telling you now.” Harvey answered, as he got the remote and turned down the volume so it would be easier to continue the conversation. Mike on the other hand, saw it as a sign that he was about to be told something serious, and started internally freaking out.

“What did she say?” Mike asked.

“She asked about you, thought you’d be home.” Harvey said, and his voice was calm which should be reassuring, but it really was not.

“So she wanted to talk to me about something that couldn’t wait till Monday?” Mike asked, and realized that this was it. He wouldn’t be going to work on Monday, he was fired. Everything was over and if he was lucky enough to stay out of jail, he would have to live the rest of life deprived of doing the one thing he loved and was better at than anything.

“Mike, relax.” Harvey said, and Mike realized that he must have looked like he was either about to have a panic attack or lie down on the floor and give up. “She’s going to do it.”

“Fire me?” Mike asked and was actually surprised when his voice wasn’t shaking.

Harvey shook his head then and Mike let out a breath he wasn’t aware that he was holding. One day he was going to have a heart attack, or maybe a nervous breakdown.

“No, sometime in the next week or two, another name will be added to the company business card.” Harvey said, no heat in his words, and he sounded like he just gave Mike the news that he was dying.

“No?” Mike asked in complete disbelief.

“Yes.” Harvey said “Jessica doesn’t know what else to do, she’s tried everything she could think of.”

Mike just sat there and looked at him, and waited for a ‘but’ that never came. Jessica, who never bowed down to anybody had done everything she could think of and it hadn’t been enough. Jessica Pearson did whatever it took to keep the firm floating, and she was grasping for a lifeline.

Mike understood the feeling.

“Okay.” He said, still not being able to grasp the situation “Then what?”

“Then Louis will have to keep your secret because he will be in it as well.” Harvey said “He can’t use this against you later on, then it will become very clear, very fast, that he used the information he had on you to blackmail Jessica and me.”

Mike sighed heavily and buried his face in hands, wanting to hide from the world. He wanted everything and nothing at the same time, and it was really killing him. No matter what everyone told him, the guilt kept growing, he knew that everyone involved was adults and aware of what they were doing when they decided to keep his secret, but it didn’t really help. Louis wasn’t going to keep his secret because of him, or because of Harvey, or the firm. Right now, he probably didn’t feel like he owed any of them, anything. He would keep it for his own sake. What’s to say that if anything happened in the future that would drag Louis down, he wouldn’t drag Mike and everyone else down with him?

“Mike.” Harvey said, it was clear in his voice that he wanted Mike to look at him, and Mike could barely bring himself to do it.

“Yeah?” Mike asked, when he met Harvey’s eyes. He was tired, and confused and somehow he really wished he could talk to Rachel about all of this.

“Louis considers the firm his home.” Harvey said “Everything could turn out okay.”

“Even after what we put him through?”

“ _You_ didn’t put him through anything, you hear me?” Harvey said, his voice was stern now, almost angry. “You thought he decided to stay, because he was your friend, because you felt you owed him, okay.”

“But-“

“I don’t want to hear it.” Harvey said, like it was Mike he was really mad at. Mike wanted him to yell at him more than anything, even though he actually hated it when Harvey was upset with him. “Louis is an adult, he has turned his back on his friends before, and he now he did it again.”

“We lied to him!”

“We couldn’t not, Mike!” Harvey yelled back “What happened, happened. We can’t change that!”

Mike threw his hands up in the air in defeat, wanting to shout some more, to get the frustration out, but he knew that Harvey was right.

“What if he wants you out?” Mike asked.

“You think I haven’t thought about that?” Harvey asked “I am terrified of what he could do, how he could easily take you away, or destroy our careers in the matter of seconds so I am just god damn hoping that he won’t, that’s all I can do at this point!”

“I don’t want you to worry about _me!”_ Mike argued. “I’m not important!”

“You are to me!” Harvey shouted back, as he flew up from the couch, making Mike feel very small. Harvey was breathing heavily at this point, and Mike couldn’t do anything but stare at him as he remembered what Donna had said. Something really had changed between them, all though he couldn’t put his finger on it. It was like their friendship, and showing that they had each other’s back was suddenly more important than pride, and jokes and pretending they didn’t care about each other in a way that went beyond Harvey: the lawyer, and Mike: his associate. Mike wasn’t just Harvey’s responsibility anymore, and Harvey wasn’t just his boss and the man he admired more than anyone. Whatever they did, they did because they felt the actual _need_ to help each other, and be there. Come what may.

Mike wished he had a way of putting everything into words, but he failed miserably. Instead, he just smiled at the other man.

“What if I wasn’t your associate anymore?” Mike asked “Would I still be important?” The words sounded stupid or mean, or full of self-pity, but the way Mike had said it made it sound like a genuine question.

“Don’t be an idiot.” Harvey said, before a smirk appeared on his lips “Of course not.”

Mike laughed then and got up from the couch as well, so he was the same height as Harvey. “You came to my apartment wanting to know if I was okay when I was fired, I wasn’t your associate then.”

“Fine.” Harvey said “I feel responsible for you, okay?”

Mike hummed in agreement, as a grin threatened to spread across his face. He knew that there was more than that, and Donna’s voice was on repeat in his head.

_Do you know what that man has done for you?_

_Do you know what it took for him to start trusting someone?_

_I’m gonna say what he won’t, he needs you._

Donna had asked him if he even cared about Harvey at all, and Mike had answered that of course he did. Because that was the truth.

_But I also care about my life with Rachel._

It had been complicated and difficult to explain, but when it all came down to it, Mike had chosen Rachel. When that had fallen apart, Harvey had still been there.

“Okay.” Mike replied. “But you need to be listening to me as well, because you are not getting it either.”

Harvey sighed heavily and rolled his eyes at him “What?”

“You worry about me because you say I’m important, you feel responsible for me.” Mike said “I left the firm because I valued my future with Rachel more than anything, more than everything you had done for me and I was _wrong.”_

“That was-“

“Don’t.” Mike said, holding up a hand to stop Harvey from continuing that sentence. “Even if Rachel and I had worked out, that had still been the wrong choice, she wanted me to take the job, she begged me and I couldn’t put her through having to worry about me every single day.”

“I get it.”

“I’m not finished.” Mike said “You were always there, Harvey, always.” He continued, “If it wasn’t for you, I could be in a ditch somewhere right now, for all I know.”

“Mike!”

“No, listen.” Mike said, getting slightly annoyed at Harvey’s interruption when he was trying to make a clear point. “Everything I am is because of you, so you say that I am important to you? Harvey, you are the _most important_ to me.”

“What did I say about putting me on a pedestal?” Harvey asked and of course he would be upset at Mike trying to tell him what he meant to him.

“I’m not.” Mike replied, and left it at that.

“What if I come in to work tomorrow and my name has been replaced with Louis’?” That was impossible of course, but Mike understood what he meant.

“Then we’ll figure something out.”

“What if I lose the job, the apartment, and I’m just this?” Harvey asked, gesturing to himself in his jeans that looked like they were about to rip at the knees, and a faded _Harvard_ sweatshirt. “

Mike looked him up and down before offering Harvey a warm smile. “I like you like this.” He said.

It was true. Harvey wasn’t important to him because he was his boss, and all that implied. Or because he was successful and everything Mike wanted to be. It was because he gave him a chance when nobody else did, and he kept on giving him chances even when Mike didn’t feel like he deserve it. It was because he was kind, and loyal, and he never gave up. Because he was Harvey Reginald Specter, and Mike didn’t put him on a pedestal. It was just how he felt.

Harvey looked baffled for a second before he started chuckling and, slapped Mike’s arm jokingly. “I should have bought you cheap cereal ages ago.”


	10. Chapter 10

The next day, Harvey and Mike acted like nothing had been confessed the day before, and truth be told, Mike didn’t care. What he and Harvey had, was between the two of them and he didn’t want their dynamic to change. There was no way that Harvey could try to tell him that he didn’t consider them friends anymore though, the cat was definitely out of the bag.

So Mike and Harvey had both slept in on Sunday and had a late breakfast while Mike convinced Harvey to marathon _Downton Abbey_ with him, insisting that there was no need to work on the case that day. Actually, all Mike wanted to do was work on the case and make sure that everything would go as smoothly as possible. If anything happened that they hadn't considered, then it would be Mike's head on the chopping block. But Mike wasn't blind though, and he could see that Harvey really needed a rest as well. Smiling as he noticed in the corner of his eye of Harvey was enjoying the show, he realized what he had to do.

Monday morning, he walked into the office with Harvey by his side, Harvey gave him his assignment for the day, but instead of going to his own office, Mike went to Louis’. Louis was already there, sitting behind his desk and burying himself in work. For someone who was about to get everything he wanted though, he looked uneasy and stressed. Mike knocked on the door before letting himself in. Louis looked up for two seconds before going back to his work.

“Get out.” He said, and Mike closed his eyes and sighed.

“I need to talk to you.”

“I don’t care what you need.” Louis said “Get the hell out of my office.”

“You once told me that you couldn’t let me make the mistake of going to work for Forstman.” Mike said “Well, I can’t let you make this mistake.”

Louis let out a scoff, and he looked like he was debating whether he should look at Mike, but he decided against it and continued scribbling something. “Amuse me.”

“When I first got here, I remember the way Harvey was like and I remember the way you were like.” Mike said, trying to keep his voice calm and stern so that Louis would actually listen to what he was saying. “Now, Harvey wanted his name on the door as well, but there was a reason Jessica wasn’t willing to give it to him yet, he had prove himself, and Louis-”

“ _Harvey_ broke the law, _Harvey_ hired a _fraud_ , and Jessica knew about and he _still_ got his name on the door.” Louis said “I screwed up _once_ and Jessica fired me on the spot.”

“That’s not true and you know it.” Mike said “It was much more complicated than that, and Harvey and I both fought for you to stay-“ He stopped himself as he felt his own voice growing louder. “You know what, it doesn’t matter, all I’m saying is that if you do this, then you will regret it for the rest of your life, trust me.”

“Why is that?” Louis asked, and it looked like he was biting the inside of his cheek.

“Louis, you love the law, I know you do.” Mike said “If you do this, then your work, your home… You’ll be living a lie.”

“Your lie.” Louis stated, but somehow it seemed to Mike like he was getting through to him.

“I know you hate me.” Mike said “And I get that you’re not interested in an explanation, but you still have a chance to do the right thing.”

“What about you?” Louis spat out “Why are you preaching to me about doing the right thing when you’re the one who ruined everything in the first place!”

“If you could guarantee me that none of my friends would go down with me, then I would already be at the police station.” Mike said “You’re right, I ruined everything and now everyone I care about is in danger.”

Mike took a few steps back from the desk, but looked Louis straight in the eye when he said “Trust me, you don’t want that on your conscience, be better than me.”

“Very heroic, Mike.” Louis said “It’s just that, I don’t have any friends.”

“That was your choice.” Mike replied.

“They all-“

“I don’t care what _they_ did!” Mike shouted back as he hurried over to the door and slammed it shut, so no prying ears would hear them. “So what if they lied to you? They did it to protect me, to protect each other!”

“You-“

“No!” Mike said, and he wasn’t able to control himself even if he could feel himself screwing up even more. “Donna ran to your bedside and stayed with you when you had your heart attack, she was always willing to give you a second chance _no matter what_ \- Harvey would have been your best man, he _fought_ for you and tried his best to get you a job in Boston so you could be with Sheila!”

“That’s supposed to make everything okay, is it?”

Mike let out a breath and slumped his shoulders in his defeat. “It doesn’t seem like anything can make it okay…. But don’t you dare say that we weren’t your friends.”

“We?” Louis asked “I didn’t hear you defending yourself.”

“I can’t.” Mike said as he wet his lips with his tongue. “There’s nothing to say.”

Louis looked like he was on the edge of cracking, just like Mike, and Mike just wished that he Louis would tell him what he had to do to make this okay.

“Get out of my office.” Louis said as he shook his head and tried to get himself together, Mike didn’t know what else to do but do as he was told.

Mike should have known that it would have taken less than ten minutes for Donna to find out that Mike had went to see Louis, and Harvey was barging into Mike’s office not two minutes later.

“There was _one_ thing I asked you to do during this whole thing and you just couldn’t help yourself, could you?” It was supposed to be a question, but the tone in Harvey’s voice indicated that he was definitely not in the asking mood.

“I had to do something.” Mike answered sadly, barely acknowledging Harvey as he continued his work.

“And?” Harvey asked “Did it solve everything?” The sarcasm in his voice almost stung, but Mike knew he was just tired and was just as fed up with the insecurity of the situation, as Mike was.

“No, it didn’t.” Mike said “But I don’t think it made it any worse either.” He answered, and he figured there was something about the way that he said it that made Harvey feel bad, because he let out a sigh and sat down in the chair in front of Mike.

“So is this promise-breaking becoming a thing now?” Harvey asked, and Mike looked up from his computer and raised his eyebrows at him in confusion.

“What are you talking about?”

“You promised to fix my sink as well.”

Mike laughed as he let out a ‘shit’. Well, he’d totally forgot about that, but it wasn’t his fault, he’d had more important things to do.

“I was not the one who said ‘just one more episode’ for like seven hours.”

“Shut up.” Harvey said, but couldn’t help but smirk at Mike, as he leaned back in the chair, which indicated that he wasn’t going anywhere for a while. “You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Mike replied “You?”

“Could be worse.” Harvey said with a shrug.

“Jessica looks stressed.” Mike remarked, as he noticed her practically running past his office. The woman looked as graceful and in-control as ever of course, but since Mike was aware of what was going on, it was easier for him to spot the little differences in her behavior.

Harvey looked over his shoulder briefly to see her flying by before turning his attention back to Mike, and nodding. “It’s a lot to handle.”

“Still glad you’re managing partner?”

“If I wasn’t, you’d probably already be out of here.” Harvey said.

“I asked if _you_ were still glad.” Mike teased and Harvey just shrugged.

“And I answered your question.”

Mike was a little taken back by that, even though he probably shouldn’t be at this point. Donna had definitely been right; something had shifted between them. There was a lot of simple honesty and their pride was pushed aside.

“Thanks.” Mike answered then, without any witty remark about how Harvey was getting touchy-feely. “How is Malone doing by the way? I’ve hardly seen him.”

“I think this has taken a toll on their relationship.” Harvey said “But you know Jessica, she’s not exactly open about these kinds of things.”

“Oh, and you are?” Mike asked.

Harvey leaned forward and smirked “Never said I was.” He answered, before pushing himself off from the chair. “I have to go, has Daniel called by the way?”

Mike had almost forgotten that he was supposed to be looking for apartments. He knew that the reason was that Harvey’s apartment was starting to feel like home, but he’d never admit that.

Mike shook his head, before remembering that in fact, he had heard from him. “Oh, wait, he texted me this morning.”

“And?”

“He’s got a few buyers lined up, and wanted to discuss it with us.” Mike said “I’ll stop by Rachel’s office after I finish this.”

“Okay.” Harvey said, and with that he was off. Mike didn’t know what it meant that he had absolutely nothing to say about whether or not Mike would probably soon have the money to get a new place to live. If he didn’t know any better, he would say that Harvey was also getting a bit too used to living with Mike, but Mike had been wrong enough times in his life, not to assume anything, so he let it slide.

Before going to Harvey’s office to continue working on their case, he stopped by Rachel’s office and knocked on the door. He hadn’t even asked her what she was doing lately, but he knew that she wasn’t working on the same case as him, which made him feel slightly uneasy.

“Hey.” He said, and she looked up with a smile on her face. It wasn’t the same smile she used to offer him when they were dating, but it was still genuine.

“Hey.” She said “How’s your harassment case going?”

“Good.” He answered “What are you working on?”

“Oh, Malone got me in on the Walker and Lewis merger.” She said with a proud grin on her face, which made Mike happy for her. He never wanted her to feel miserable forever.

“That’s great.” He replied “You’ll kick ass.”

“Thanks, Mike.” She said, and before it got too awkward, he took another step into the office and put his hands in his pocket before getting to the point. “Daniel texted me, eh, our realtor.”

“Oh?” she asked with a certain curiosity, but there was something in her voice that indicated that this wasn’t easy for her. It hadn’t been easy for Mike either, it was really coming to an end.

“Yeah, he’s gotten a couple of really great offers and wants to discuss them with us before any papers are signed.” Mike said, trying to keep the conversation as short and simple as possible so it wouldn’t cause any unnecessary drama.

“I trust you.” Rachel said “You can do it, it’s your name on the lease anyway.”

“Rachel.”

“Please, Mike.” She said, as she looked down at her desk for a second before folding her hands in her lap and looking him straight in the eye. “I’m just not ready for all that, can you please just do it?”

Mike nodded once then “Okay.” He said, before turning to leave.

“Mike!”

“Yeah?” He asked as he turned around in the doorway.

“It’s really over, isn’t it?”

Mike nodded again “Yeah.” He said again, with a lot more certainty this time. There wasn’t any going back now. “I’ll see you later.”

With that he made his way to Harvey’s office with a major lump in his throat. It wasn’t that he was that sad, necessary, every day had made the whole thing a little easier to handle, but a part of him still wished that he had been enough for her and that they could have gone through this whole thing together.

Donna was in Harvey’s office, and it looked like she was trying to convince him to take a lunch break. Harvey wasn’t listening though as he moved his lap top from his desk and over to the table in the corner so he and Mike could work together.

“You want me to go grab you a pretzel or something?” Donna asked “I could order you guys something?”

“Sushi!” Mike exclaimed suddenly, and made his presence known. Harvey and Donna both turned around to look at him. Donna gave him a satisfied look and then glanced over at Harvey, who sighed and nodded.

“Fine, sushi it is.” Harvey said as he rolled his eyes, clearly so done with the two of them that he just gave up.

“Great! Mike said happily as he threw the files he had brought onto the couch and then clasped his hands together “I’ll have-“

“I know your order.” Donna said “Have fun, boys!”

As soon as she’d exited, Mike turned to Harvey “That woman is scary!”

“She probably heard you say that.” Harvey replied.

“I did!” Donna said as she popped her head back in and nearly made Mike jump out of his own skin “And I appreciate that you think so.”

Harvey couldn’t control his laughter when he saw the look on Mike’s face.


	11. Chapter 11

The harassment case went to court, unsurprisingly. Harvey and Mike kicked ass, even more unsurprisingly. Their client almost had tears in his eyes when it was over; being eternally thankful, that someone had finally believed him. Harvey had wanted to celebrate with a steak dinner, and Mike had happily taken him up on the offer. The last week had been the roughest yet and Mike rarely had time to eat something other than a pretzel or a jelly doughnut while trying to get all of his assignments done. 

Jessica and Malone had all but broken up because of all the drama with Louis. Mike could only imagine the kind of lies and explanations Jessica had to tell the man to try to convince him that Louis becoming name-partner was a good idea. Mike was almost tempted to tell Malone what was going on so he could fix things, but he knew he couldn't. Jessica would have killed him. Come Monday morning, the firm would be called Pearson Specter Litt, and no one was looking forward to it. Mike hadn’t tried to talk to Louis again, but there had been a rather awful confrontation in the men’s room in the office that Mike would never forget.

Harvey had immediately understood what had happened, and it didn’t take long before Donna had sneaked off to Mike’s office and telling him that Harvey had gone almost mental at Louis, telling him that he’d got what he wanted and to stop being a hypocrite and leave Mike the hell alone. Mike felt awful at that, because the last thing Harvey needed to be doing was to get on even worse terms with Louis, so that he’d be caught in the crossfire. He didn't want to confront Harvey about it though, knowing exactly how that conversation would go. Instead, Mike volunteered to show the new summer associates around the office. Donna had laughed and called him an 'ass kisser' for all the extra work he took upon himself. 

During their steak dinner, Mike’s phone had gone off and it had been Daniel letting him known that the couple they had been negotiating prices with had accepted and the apartment was officially off the market. Mike had never thought it would be sold that fast, but really, he shouldn’t have been surprised. It was an amazing apartment, with a great location and more than a fair price. Still, it hadn’t even been on the market a month.

“That’s good news, isn’t it?” Harvey asked as his wine was re-filled. Mike nodded his head before taking another bite of his steak.

“Yeah, sure.” Mike said “I should text Rachel.”

He told Rachel that their agreed upon price had been met by the buyers and that the apartment was officially sold. Mike didn’t mention anything to Harvey about getting a new place, and Harvey didn’t ask. It was all very confusing.

Mike knew that Harvey needed his space though, Scottie and him had been pretty serious, but he had still never asked her to live with him. As far as Mike knew, Harvey had never been living with anyone else, unless college roommates counted. So, Mike was well aware that he needed to get his priorities in order and move out.

He’d only been able to see two more apartments, one of them had been okay and the other one had been terrible. Everything was just so stressful lately and Mike felt like he couldn’t take the time to go and look for apartments with everything that was going on. During the weekdays, he barely slept and he only ate when Harvey was with him, because he felt like it would be rude not to. All he knew was that he needed to spend as much time possible at work, so he could impress Jessica and Harvey and give them absolutely no reason (besides from the obvious) for him to be fired. More than ever, he needed to prove himself. So it was safe to say that apartment hunting hadn’t been a priority.

Maybe he should have made it one?

For the life of him, Mike didn’t understand why he hadn’t been fired yet. Jessica didn’t want him there, clearly. Louis didn’t want him there. Harvey did want him there, but there was only so much heat the man could take before it would be out of his hands. Mike felt awful, to say the least. He had headaches all the time, he got dizzy during the days if he forgot to eat, and he was pretty sure his blood pressure was through the roof. It didn’t matter though, the most important thing right now was to keep his job, so Harvey wouldn’t think that all he’d done for him had been for nothing. It wasn’t just about Harvey though, Mike needed to do this for himself.

So whenever an assistant of a partner, or a partner themselves came through his door to ask him to do something, he did it. Didn’t matter if he was already juggling three different proofreads while going over case notes, and assisting Harvey. It all needed to be done, and he was going to do it.

The day Louis Litt was confirmed as a third partner to the firm, and his name was hung up on the wall by the elevator, was a very confusing day for everyone. Some employees didn’t understand why Jessica had done it, especially so shortly after he had come back to the firm, and surprisingly, others thought it was about time.

When Mike was on his way to the conference room to set up for a deposition for a case Harvey and Malone was working on, he noticed that Louis and Katrina was already in there. Mike didn’t really care anymore about avoiding either of them, or apologizing. He just needed to get his work done and move on as best as he could. It was hard though. It seemed like Louis was warming up gradually towards Donna, which was nice, but it was more common politeness than anything regarding an actual friendship.

“Sorry.” Mike mumbled as he entered the room, as Louis and Katrina were gathering some papers.

“We were done here.” Katrina said with a polite tone, but she was short in her answer. As far as Mike was concerned, she knew about what he was and Mike couldn’t blame Louis for telling her after everything she had gone through to protect him.

“Katrina, will you give us a second?” Louis asked, and she nodded. Mike felt a certain chill run down his spine at the thought of another cold discussion with Louis, but he let it slide as he straightened up and looked the other man in the eye.

“What?” he asked, not really in the mood for having this conversation, nor did he have the time.

“Aren’t you going to congratulate me?”

“Congratulations.” Mike said dryly. “Anything I can do for our new name partner?”

“You heard about the case Katrina and I are working on?” Louis asked, and Mike nodded at once. He always knew about the big cases that was going around on the floor, especially lately.

“The Verone group.” Mike replied.

“Good.” Louis said. “I have twelve hundred pages of the group’s by-laws that you need to go over by tomorrow.”

“What?” Mike asked “Sorry, you need _my_ help?”

Louis smiled wickedly then, and Mike really wished that it didn’t get to him the way it did. He just thought they would have been over all this. “I don’t need anything from you.” He said “But you’re gonna do it, aren’t you?”

Mike sighed heavily “What am I looking for?”

Louis smirked at him “I’ll e-mail you.” He said, before turning on his heel and walking out the door, leaving Mike to fight the urge to throw a chair through the window.

Instead, he looked at the clock, got the room all set up, hurried over to Donna’s desk with everything he had found out that could help Harvey and Malone before going back to his office.

Priorities. Priorities. He had a loophole he needed to find for Jessica’s case about the wrongful termination suit, so he decided to do that first, since she was after all, on top of the food chain. Luckily, for him, he was damn good at doing research. He was almost done when he looked at the clock again and realized he needed to finish the proofreading for the two partners that were filing a subpoena in under an hour.

As he read, underlined and scribbled on the pieces of papers in front of him, he started to feel nauseous and had to take a deep breath to gather his thoughts. When he was about to wrap everything up, Donna came rushing into his office.

“What the hell, Mike?” She asked “Harvey and Malone is already in the conference room!”

“What?” Mike asked “I thought Rachel was covering that?”

“She was, but her lecture was moved-“

“Because of the guest professor’s flight was cancelled-shit!” Mike said as he remembered having this conversation with Rachel yesterday.

“You said you had it under control!”

“I do!” Mike replied as he threw everything he had together and handed it to Donna. “Can you please get this to the assistant guy in Real Estate?” Mike asked.

“Jeffrey?”

“Yes, thank you!” Mike shouted after him as he ran down the halls and was barely able to pull himself together before entering the conference room. He mouthed a ‘sorry’ to Malone and Harvey before settling. This was going to be a long day.

Afterwards, Harvey followed Mike into his office and Mike already knew Harvey was going to yell at him, so he sat down so he could do it while Mike was working.

“Go on.” Mike said “I’m listening.”

“What are you doing?” Harvey asked, and it took Mike a moment to realize what he was asking. So he raised his eyebrows and looked up from what he was reading.

“I am helping Jessica with the wrongful termination suit.” Mike said “Don’t worry, I’ve already finished drafting out the contract that-“

“I thought you were working on the subpoena for real estate?” Harvey asked and Mike nodded.

“Yeah, I just finished that.” Mike said and held up a finger as he picked up his phone “Just a second, just gotta ask Donna if she-“

Before Mike had a chance to finish his sentence though, Harvey grabbed the phone and hung up. “Hey!”

“Mike, how many cases are you working on right now?”

“Like…, five?” Mike asked innocently “Actually Louis just sprung these stupid by-laws on me…”

“Wait, Louis are asking you to do stuff now?” Harvey asked “Are you forgetting who’s associate you are?”

“It seems like I’m fair game at this point.” Mike said as he threw his arms out, gesturing all the notes, scribbles, post-it’s and files that were scattered all over his office. “Besides, it keeps me busy.”

“Yeah, too busy.” Harvey said “You almost blew the deposition!”

“That’s not fair!” Mike almost shouted back “We kicked ass in there and I came completely prepared, I just forgot that I had taken over for Rachel.”

“You can’t work all these cases at once, it’s got your head spinning.” Harvey said “I’ll talk to Jessica.”

“No.” Mike said “I got this, I need to do this.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want them to find out I’m disposable!” Mike yelled, pointing aggressively towards Louis and Jessica’s offices.

Harvey sighed heavily, like he was about to give up on life itself, before he clasped his hands together. “Do you trust me?” He asked sternly, looking Mike in the eye.

Mike groaned “Yes, I trust you.”

“Good.” Harvey said “Then leave that to me.”

“I just need to finish these.” Mike said “You have to admit that it can’t hurt for me to put an extra effort in at this point.”

By the look Harvey was giving him, Mike saw that he’d gotten through to the other man. “Fine, finish the case for Jessica, but please, drop real estate, you’re too good for those assholes.”

“They don’t like you very much either.” Mike said with a smile, not daring to mention that he’d already finished all the prep work for the subpoena.

“Oh, shit.” Harvey said as he clenched his fists, like it was something that had just popped into his mind. “Malone and I are going to Staten Island for the negotiations.” He said “We’ll probably stay at the hotel if it drags on, I’ll be back before work tomorrow.”

“Okay, but remember, if he asks you to put out, that’ll be sexual harassment.” Mike said, but before he had a chance to say anything else, Harvey went over to him and handed him a key. “You’re not going back to the apartment to pack a bag or something?”

“It’s yours.” Harvey said “Had it made for you, so Donna can have her spare back.”

Mike just looked at the key like it was made of gold or something, and Harvey groaned with annoyance “If you’re going to make as big of a deal of this as the cocoa puffs then I am taking it back.”

Mike grinned “Can I keep it after I move out and house sit when you’re out of town?”

“Shut up.”

When Harvey left with Malone to Staten Island, Mike had just dropped the file off at Jessica’s office. After archiving a couple of drafts in the file room, he had briefly went out for some air and a Caramel Latte for Donna.

“Keep this up and I’ll let you at Harvey’s drinking cart.” Donna said with a smirk “I’m heading out in about an hour, anything you need?”

“I feel like I shouldn’t past down this rare offer, but I think I’m good.” Mike answered “I have some by-laws to look at, excuse me.”

“For Louis?” Donna asked, and Mike wasn’t even surprised that she knew.

“Yeah.”

“You look like shit, Mike.” Donna said, rather harshly, “You need to relax a bit.”

“Not so easy with a dragon breathing down your neck.” Mike hissed, as he looked around to make sure that Jessica wasn’t to be seen. “Seriously, I’m fine.”

“If you say so.” Donna said “Rachel and I are going to dinner, she’s found a new place by the way.”

“Already?” Mike asked, but he wasn’t that surprised. She was probably desperate to get out from under her parents, seeing as she wanted to everything by herself. Mike had always admired that, while he was still letting Harvey bail him out of every little problem. He sighed heavily; he really needed to find a place. Like, right now.

“Yeah, it’s nice.” Donna said “A couple of blocks from my place.”

“That’s great.” Mike replied, and told Donna to say ‘hi’ to Rachel from him before he hurried off to his office. When he saw that Louis was sitting there waiting for him, he wasn’t exactly thrilled.

“You said I had until tomorrow.” Mike said, sounding a little impatient as he walked around his desk and sat down.

“Have you even read my e-mail?” Louis asked “Because if you haven’t even started yet, then you’re going to be in deep shit.”

“I’ll have it done.” Mike said, trying not to sound too harsh, given the situation he was in. As a part of their agreement, Louis had signed a contract similar to the one Jessica had forced on Rachel when she had found about Mike, which meant that everything _should_ be under control for now. Mike was just waiting for the other ball to drop.

“You better be.” Louis said “A lot is relying on this.”

With that he was out the door, and Mike had to bite back a comment that was forming on his tongue. He already knew that he wouldn’t be going home tonight, and he looked longingly at the key on his desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have gotten quite a few comments, a lot of them praising the slow-build while some of you are a little more impatient. Sorry guys, I am just trying to be realistic. Mike really did love Rachel, and I don't think he would have just jumped into a new relationship after being hurt so badly by her. Just hang in there! :)


	12. Chapter 12

Mike awoke with a gasp as sunlight was peeking through the blinds in his office and reflecting on the glass door. His eyes shot open and his gaze fell on the clock on his computer screen, he’d only been asleep twenty minutes, but it felt like he had just missed a ton of work. Without missing a beat, Mike scrambled everything he’d noted so far, organized and categorized it, before continuing his work.

When Louis came to work three hours later, Mike was sure to wait for him in his office and go through everything he had done to blow Louis’ mind away. Even though it didn’t show the slightest, Louis seemed happy with the work he had put into it, if not even a little impressed.

“You should probably change your shirt, you stink.” Had been his only comment after he had finished reading Mike’s draft.

Mike knew he was right though since he hadn’t been able to go home and change, luckily for him, he had learned a thing or two from Harvey and kept a spare suit in his office. Grabbing it, and the razor he kept in his desk drawer, he tried to discreetly make his way to the bathroom.

Of course, he bumped into Harvey, Malone and Donna who looked like they were coming from the elevator. He was spotted before he had a chance to take the long way around the office to the men’s room.

“Wow.” Malone said, looking him up and down “You’ve been here all night?”

“Yeah.” Mike said “I’m going to change, don’t worry.” He said, holding up the suit and offering his bosses and Donna a weak smile. Now that he had been able to prove himself to Louis, all his energy was gone and he felt pretty terrible.

“You look terrible, by the way.” Malone said before excusing himself and heading towards Jessica’s office, probably to update her about how the meeting had gone.

“How was Staten Island?” Mike asked, wondering if it actually was possible to fall asleep while standing up straight.

“Jesus, you look awful.” Donna said, before Harvey even had a chance to reply.

“Okay!” Mike exclaimed, clearly annoyed. “I’m gonna go change.”

“Stop by my office afterwards.” Harvey said, also very annoyed. Mike didn’t know why though, but he was too tired to think about it right then so he decided to just nod and go get dressed.

“Seriously, Mike?” Donna asked with her head cocked to the side, as she stopped Mike from going into Harvey's office. Mike felt a lot better now that he felt a bit cleaner, but he knew that he as in need for a proper shower. 

“What?” Mike asked, feeling stressed again as he wondered what he had done to annoy Harvey.

“Your tie.” Donna replied as she got up from her seat and over to Mike. She made a grimace as she tried fixing his tie, which apparently looked like a five year-old had tried tying it.

Mike just groaned and tapped his foot impatiently, as he tried to look over Donna’s shoulder to catch a glimpse at Harvey, who looked like he was in a phone call. The second Donna patted his chest and told him he was good to go, he thanked her and hurried into Harvey’s office just as the other man hung up the phone.

“Hey.” Mike said.

“Where’s your phone?” Harvey asked, and Mike just looked at him like he was a puzzle waiting for to be solved. He wasn’t sure if it was the lack of sleep or the amount of stress he was under that made it impossible for him to grasp that question.

“Your cellphone.” Harvey said “I called you this morning, and it went straight to voicemail.”

“Oh, shit.” Mike said, realizing what they were actually talking about. “I forgot my charger at home.”

“I called your office.”

“It must have been when I was in the copy room.” Mike said “I’m sorry, did you need something?”

Harvey just shrugged, before brushing it off with a wave of his hand. “If you stayed here all night, I assume you found a way to get the charges against Jameson dropped? Or else, merging these hotels will make George _lose money.”_

Mike was sure his heart just skipped a beat and his mouth went instantly dried. “I’m all over it?”

“Jesus, Mike!”

“I had to finish this thing for Louis.” Mike said “I am so sorry, but I’ll have it done by the deadline, it’s at one right?”

“You look exhausted.” Harvey said.

“Thank you.” Mike said dryly.

“Do you not remember how I told you that you’re a reflection of me?” Harvey asked “I can’t have you going around looking like you’ve been run over by a truck.”

“I do not look that bad.” Mike said, and he was pretty sure he was right. He’d combed his hair, shaved, and had a clean suit on. He’d noticed in the mirror that he was pretty pale, and his eyes looked a little bloodshot, but he didn’t look any worse than he had after an usual all-nighter.

“Get those charges dropped and then go home, okay?” Harvey asked.

“Harvey, the last thing I need right now is to go home in the middle of the day.” Mike said “I mean, Louis is actually talking to me, Jessica _thanked_ me yesterday.”

“Fine, then at least take an extended lunch and go home for a nap or something.” Harvey said “I don’t need a repeat of the Rachel incident.”

“I thought you said I never worked hard enough end up in the hospital.” Mike said, a little teasingly as he bit the inside of his cheek.

“You never used to.” Harvey said “And now you’re borderline obsessive and it’s annoying.”

“You’re annoying.” Mike said back, and Harvey rolled his eyes at how childish Mike could be sometimes. Mike didn’t let it get to him though, knowing that when it came to certain things, Harvey was just as immature.

“Just saying.” Harvey said “If you plan on living in the office, you might as well give me my key back.”

“ _My_ key.” Mike corrected him with a sly grin “Now, I’m gonna go get some charges dropped.”

“Yes, please.” Harvey said “Don’t come back until you’re done.”

“Yes, sir!”

As Mike walked into his office, he was a little shocked of how bad it looked. He must have been so caught up in his work that he hadn’t noticed the state he was leaving it in. There was a lot of papers and files spread all over his desk, but the most troubling part was that there was redbull containers and empty coffee cups _everywhere._ Mike seriously needed to cut down, but that would mean that he’d need sleep instead, which wasn’t possible at this time.

Shrugging, he tried his best to tidy the place up and make it presentable before sitting down and starting his work. His eyes were starting to itch just at the thought of blinking. His computer screen was too bright, and the smell of coffee and redbull was starting to make him a little nauseous. Yeah, he should really learn to cut down on the caffeine, maybe even learn to have some proper meals every now and then. 

Two knocks on his door pulled him out of his working trance, as he looked up from his screen and saw Katrina standing in his doorway.

“Hey, Katrina.” Mike said, not sure how to act around that woman anymore.

“Hey.” She said, seeming a little cold, but professional. She walked into his office and dropped two files on his desk. “Copy of this morning’s deposition, I sent the mp3 file to your e-mail.”

“Oh, thanks, but why are you giving this to me?”

“You screwed up on the by-laws.” Katrina said “Luckily I was there to save Louis’ ass.”

“What?” Mike asked, as he grabbed the files and started reading through them “That’s impossible, and Louis went over them himself.”

“Yeah, but he didn’t have time to double check everything before the deposition.” Katrina said “Haven’t you screwed him over enough lately?”

Mike bit back a snotty remark then, but couldn’t help but look her in the eye as he said “Actually if it wasn’t for me, he’d never have his name on the door.”

“Just fix what you broke, before this goes to trial.” Katrina said, before leaving the office. Mike had thought Katrina wasn’t as mad at him as Louis was, but she had always been very protective of him and Mike couldn’t blame her. If it had been the other way around and Katrina had made a mistake that had made Harvey look like an ass, then Mike would have probably been pissed as well, especially considering everything that was going on.

No matter what though, Mike’s loyalty was with Harvey, which meant that he really needed to get a move on with the case he was already working on before concentrating on fixing his mistakes with the stupid by-laws. He was triple checking all the work he’d done, just to be one-hundred percent sure that everything was taken care of this time when he felt his eyelids closing shut. Right now, he really missed having an assistant and there was no way he was actually going to dare asking Donna to go for a coffee-run.

So since he was feeling restless, he decided to run down to the cart outside the building for a cup of coffee and a pretzel. He was only gone for ten minutes, but in that time Harvey had probably come looking for him, because he was sitting in his office and waiting impatiently for him when he came back.

“I am almost done.” Mike said as he breezed past Harvey and put down his already half-empty cup of coffee on his desk, he hadn’t even let it cool down before drinking.

“Good.” Harvey said “What’s your approach?”

“Impeachment.” Mike answered proudly as he turned his computer screen around and showed Harvey what he had been working on. “According to this, discrediting Todd Francis should be absolutely no issue.”

“Is this true?” Harvey asked, pointing at the screen and Mike nodded. “How did you find this?”

“Hey, I’m good at research.” Mike said as he leaned back in his chair with a smug grin on his face. “We should be able to get the charges dropped in no time.”

“This could be a turning point." Harvey said as he got up from his seat. “Good job.”

“Thanks!” Mike answered happily; he was a bit shallow sometimes and absolutely loved getting praise for his job. Especially after the screw up with Louis, so it was nice getting some confirmation that he actually knew how to do this job, and he was damn good at it as well.

Rachel stopped by not half an hour later and told him what he already knew, that she had gotten a new apartment. Mike congratulated her and asked how it was.

“It’s really nice, close to Donna.” Rachel said “But you already knew that, right?”

Mike smiled at her “Guilty as charged.”

“How is everything?” Rachel asked, and Mike took a deep breath and shook his head.

“It’s okay, I think.” Mike said “To be honest, I’m not sure.”

“He probably knows that leaving you to wonder what’s going to happen is the worst thing he could do.” Rachel said, trying to sound comforting, but it just made him feel worse.

“Probably.” Mike answered.

“You look a little shaky, I’m going on a coffee-run, do you want something?” Rachel asked “You seemed to have been stuck to that office chair for weeks.”

“Black, two sugars?” Mike replied “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Rachel replied “Oh, and Mike?”

“Yeah?” Mike asked.

“It’s going to be okay, isn’t it?” She asked, and Mike had a feeling she wasn’t asking about Louis finding out his secret.

He smiled at her. “Yeah, I think it is.”

Mike was somehow able to finish his work for Harvey and had dropped it off at Donna’s desk so she could make a copy for Malone. When he was pacing around his office, and reading over his work for Louis for the third time, Harvey came into the room.

“We’ve got him.” He said with a triumphant grin. “The meeting went awesome, you should have seen him.”

“Wish I could have been there.” Mike asked, not looking up from his paper.

“Yeah, what’s that all about?” Harvey asked “You used to beg to see me in all my brilliance.”

Mike looked up then and held up a finger “I never begged.”

“Yeah, you did.” Harvey said “Seriously, what are you even doing?”

“I’m not gonna tell you.” Mike said, as he put the file down and downing the rest of his red bull before trying to get past Harvey, that of course, was not as easy as he had hoped.

Harvey grabbed his arm and looked him straight in the eye.

“You’re gonna tear me a new one.” Mike said.

“As long as you’re not doing work for Louis again.” He said, and Mike just sighed innocently, and that gave everything away.

“God damn it, Mike!” he said “He’s trying to manipulate you, don’t let him.”

“He's my boss now.” Mike said “I mean, he was always kind of my boss, but now he’s my boss-boss.” Mike knew he was rambling, but he couldn’t control himself. “Jessica is looking for an excuse to get rid of me.”

“Yeah, well.” Harvey said “She’s not gonna find any excuse as long as you’re good at your job, which you are.”

“Let me just get this to…. To Louis, okay?” Mike asked “Then I’ll finish up the paperwork for you and Malone.”

“What’s with you anyway, you’re practically vibrating?” Harvey asked as he let go of Mike’s arm, and looked him up and down. “For fuck’s sake, kid, are you high?”

“What?” Mike asked, and now he was getting clearly offended “Of course not!”

“Hey, you’re eyes are all over the place and you’re acting really weird.” Harvey said.

"I can't get fired!" Mike shouted back, and suddenly he was panicking. "I can't-"

Suddenly it felt hard to catch his breath, and Mike couldn't get a word out even if he tried.

"Mike, relax."

Before Mike had a chance to do anything though, his vision blurred, and then everything went black.


	13. Chapter 13

Mike felt like he was suffering from the worst hangover ever, he felt even worse than he had the morning after he had been told that he wasn’t going to Harvard. He had trouble even opening up his eyes, and when he did, everything was still a little blurry and he felt groggy all over.

It took him a moment to realize that he was in a hospital room with tubes attached all over him. He vaguely remembered waking up in an ambulance with Harvey and an EMT talking to him, but it was all very unclear.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” A familiar voice said and he turned his head to see Donna sitting by his bedside, smiling at him.

Mike was still groggy, but was able to understand what Donna was asking him, and he coughed once before answering. “Hey.” He said, but didn’t answer her question. As his mind was starting to settle and everything around him stopped spinning, he could see Harvey through the window of his room, talking to someone on the phone. Actually, it looked more like yelling. Oh no. This couldn’t be good.

Harvey looked up to see Mike staring at him, and after a few more words into the phone, he hung up and entered the room.

“What did I tell you about _not_ wanting another Rachel incident?” Harvey asked, and he seemed genuinely angry. Mike felt really bad for pulling him out of work even though he wasn’t even sure what had happened.

“Harvey, go easy on him.” Donna said in a soothing tone “It’s not his fault that he’s clearly an idiot.”

Mike snorted then, he just couldn’t help it. He was about to ask what was going on when Donna excused herself to go and get the doctor. She squeezed Harvey’s shoulder on her way out, which seemed to relax Harvey a little bit. Harvey sighed before sitting down next to Mike’s bed.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Like shit.” Mike replied “What happened?”

“They are still running tests.” Harvey said “But the doctor said you had heart palpitations and an increased beat, which was probably why you passed out.”

Mike didn't comment on the fact that it seemed like Harvey had memorized exactly what the doctor had told him.

“So that’s what that annoying beeping sound is.” Mike replied as he indicated to the monitor and the wires on his chest. Harvey nodded.

“Oh, shit.” Mike said then “What about Louis’ meeting, did he-“

Harvey looked like he had just been told that his apartment building had burnt down, and Mike swallowed nervously as he stopped mid-sentence. “What?”

“I tell you that something could be seriously wrong with you and you are still obsessing over work?” Harvey asked “If you need to know, everything at the office is fine, even though you gave them all a scare.”

“Who were you talking to on the phone?” Mike asked.

“I was yelling at Jessica and Louis, if you must know.” Harvey said “But you shouldn’t worry about that, you need to relax.”

“He’s right, you know.” Said the doctor that had just entered Mike’s room, he was an older-looking fella, with black hair and a nicely trimmed beard. “You had us a little bit worried there, Michael.”

“Mike.” Mike corrected him.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Wright, how are you feeling?”

“Awful, actually.” Mike said

“The drugs are probably making you groggy.” He said “We’ll see what we can do about that, can you tell me how you were feeling before passing out today?”

Mike wasn’t really sure how to answer that question as he tried thinking back on his day “I was a little shaky and nauseous, but I felt fine.”

The doctor looked like he didn’t really believe him, but scribbled down what he was saying anyway. “Restlessness, sweating, or vomiting?”

“A little restless, I guess.” Mike replied.

“He hasn’t been sleeping very well lately, either.” Harvey cut in, and Mike glared at him. He needed to get out of this hospital as quickly as possible, and Harvey wasn’t making it any better.

The doctor only smiled at the two of them, before double-checking Mike’s vitals and scribbling down some more notes, and then leaving to check up on his lab results.

“You totally just threw me under the bus.” Mike said “I feel fine, can’t I just go home?”

“Yes, of course you can.” Harvey answered.

Mike’s eyebrows rose then, and he sat up straighter in bed in anticipation. “Really?”

“No.”

Mike groaned.

“You two are completely hopeless, I swear.” Donna said as she slumped down in the other chair in the room. All though she was Donna Paulsen after all, and even though she was technically ‘slumping’, she looked elegant as hell while doing it. “Rachel was worried about you.”

“I don’t want her stopping by.” Mike answered before he even had a chance to think about it, he didn’t know exactly why he didn’t want her around, but it just didn’t feel right. “Tell her I’m fine, okay?”

“Sure.” Donna said “She was in class, so I just texted her, told her they were doing tests.”

“Good.” Mike said “Thanks.”

Mike then turned his attention back to Harvey who was also busy texting someone. “If you need to get back to the office, you can, you know.”

“It’s nothing.” Harvey said as he put his phone away, and turned his focus to Mike. “You should get some sleep.”

“How long was I out?” Mike asked.

“The doctors gave you some medications to keep you sedated, but you were only out for a couple of hours.” Harvey answered “I’m gonna go get a cup of coffee, Donna?”

“I’m good, thanks.” Donna answered, and with that Harvey just gave Mike one last look before heading out the door.

“Okay, so I’m gonna ask this while he’s out.” Mike said the second the door closed behind Harvey “Is Jessica pissed? Does everyone know? And is Louis secretly praying that I’m not coming back to work?”

“You’re a complete asshole sometimes, you know that right?” Donna asked, and Mike was left looking at her with his mouth gaping open.

“What?” He asked in confusion, barely able to mutter the word. What had he done wrong now?

“We were scared shitless for you.” Donna said “Harvey was a complete mess, you should have heard the things he was yelling at Louis.”

“Oh, no.” Mike groaned, he hadn’t wanted that at all. “I thought I could handle the extra workload, it was my own fault.”

“Everyone was pressuring you.” Donna said “Look, we get that you felt like you needed to prove something and Louis knew that.”

“But still-“

“Yeah, still.” Donna said “Harvey told you to slow down, but you wouldn’t listen, and he was left sitting by your bedside and worrying about you.”

Once again, Mike had screwed up, and Harvey had been the one who had to deal with the aftermath. Mike had no idea how to fix that pattern. Either he didn’t try enough, or he was trying too hard. Either way, the outcome was always the same and he had no idea what to do.

“I’m sorry.” Mike said “You’re right, I should have listened to him.”

“Yes, you should have.” Donna replied “It’s hard being mad at you when you’re like this though.”

“I am kind of adorable.”

“More like fragile and icky-looking.” Donna said, and Mike just scoffed as a nurse came in and adjusted his drugs. It didn’t take long until he was feeling a lot more clear-headed. “Jessica is Jessica, she isn’t exactly mad, but she hates when there’s a scene, Louis was worried actually, and I am pretty sure everyone knows by now.”

Mike smiled at her “Thanks, Donna.”

Then Harvey was back with a hot cup of hospital coffee that probably tasted stale and terrible. An hour later, the doctor came back and told them that they were suspecting a caffeine overdose combined with too little sleep and not enough nutrition. Basically, Mike didn’t sleep or eat enough and had to cut out the energy drinks and coffee.

“If you’re starting to feel shaky, that’s probably a good sign to stop drinking coffee.” The doctor told him.

“I’ve told you those energy drinks are terrible for you.” Harvey said, and Donna snickered. “What?”

“No wonder the nurses thought you guys were married.”

“What?” Mike asked, clearly amused by these news.

“Oh, please.” Harvey said “When I said no, they thought you and Donna were married.”

“Were you both mother-henning me?” Mike said on a laugh.

“That’s not a word.” Harvey answered, clearly annoyed.

“It is now.” Mike said “And I’ve been meaning to cut down on the caffeine anyway.”

“Good.” The doctor said. "Also, it seems like you might have had a slight panic attack."

“So can I go home now?” Mike asked, pretending he hadn't heard that last part, and the doctor shook his head, which was quite the disappointment. He was told he needed to stay overnight so they could keep a closer look at his blood pressure and heart rhythm. Donna left when visiting hours were over, but Harvey stayed behind. Mike insisted that he’d go home, but Harvey said that the last thing he needed was to lose his one excuse to not have his phone on and could stay for a little while longer.

Mike was given medication so he would sleep, but woke up when it was closer to four in the morning. He peeked through his eyelids, and noticed a sleeping Harvey Specter curled up in the chair by the window. The man looked exhausted, even while asleep, and he looked kind of adorable and peaceful with a blanket spread across his body.

As Harvey let out a content sigh in his sleep, Mike couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. Not because what he was seeing was so funny, but because it was so amazing, and a warm feeling of safety spread his way through his body as he fell back asleep.

When morning came around, Mike didn’t comment on the fact that Harvey had stayed the night, even though the nurses had told him to go home. Mike did tease Harvey about the obvious strain in his neck though.

“Want a massage?”

“Easy there, Roberts.” Harvey said grumpily as he rubbed his neck, and Mike had almost forgotten how they had been comparing their situation to _Pretty Woman_.

“I appreciate this whole seduction thing you've got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure thing.” Mike said.

Harvey smirked at him, before nodding towards Mike’s phone on the nightstand. “You got a text yesterday; I took the liberty of checking it out.”

Mike scowled at him before saying “Fine, what was it about?”

“This realtor had been trying to call you, apparently the apartment you filled out an application form for is still vacant." Harvey said “I checked with Donna, she said it was the one you’d gone and seen with her.”

“Oh.” Mike said, not really sure what to say. It was an amazing apartment, and if it was still vacant, that meant that he could probably get in touch with Daniel and have him help negotiate a good price for him. “That’s good, I guess.”

“Yeah.” Harvey said.

Before any of them could say anything else, or actually get the chance to talk about the awkwardness that had just filled the room, the doctor entered the room.

“Hey, Mike.” He said “How are you feeling today?”

“Great!” Mike lied. He was still tired and had a mild headache, but he was feeling much better than he had the night before.

“Sure you are.” The doctor said with a knowing smile. “I’m having some concerns about sending you home on your own.”

“He’s not going alone.” Harvey said “He’ll be staying with me.”

“That’s good.” He answered and scribbled down something on a chart. “Well, your latest lab work seems good enough to discharge you so I’ll just have Avery draw up the paperwork.”

“Thank you.” Mike said and looked over at Harvey with a hopeful grin on his face.

Harvey’s comment about never being rid of Mike fell to deaf ears, as Mike was well aware of the fact that Harvey had spent the night with him even though he could have been alone in his apartment for the first time in a long time.

Because of the hospital’s policy, Harvey had to wheel Mike out of the hospital. Mike would have complained, if it wasn’t for the fact that _Harvey Specter_ had to physically push Mike’s body around, which gave Mike a lot more joy than it should have.

“Good to see you, Mike.” Ray said once they reached the car and Ray opened the door for him.

“Thanks, Ray.” Mike said as he all but stumbled inside the car, feeling slightly dizzy the moment he stood up.

“Easy there, rookie.” Harvey said, and Mike hadn’t even realized that he had missed that nickname.

The nurses had warned him of the possible side effects from having heart palpitations, uneven blood pressure, and the medicine they had given him, but Mike had hoped he wouldn’t have to deal with them. By the time Mike and Harvey reached the floor of the apartment though, Mike was already sweating slightly and feeling like he was about to drop to the ground.

“You okay?” Harvey asked as he was unlocking the door.

“I’m fine.” Mike said “Just tired.”

“It’s probably your blood pressure.” Harvey said “You are way too young to already have this problem, kid.”

Mike had to agree, but that didn’t mean that the exhaustion he was feeling didn’t make him miss coffee. The doctor had been very clear on that point though. No coffee or energy drinks for at least two weeks. And here Mike had thought that quitting weed would be difficult, this was going to be a nightmare.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that it took a moment or two of Harvey rambling about if Mike wanted to eat or take a nap before Mike realized something was different about the apartment. When he saw the painting hanging on the wall though, his eyes stayed glued to it.

“So, food or no?” Harvey asked, before he realized that Mike wasn’t even paying attention “Oh, yeah, I hung it up before going to Staten Island.”

Mike stared at the panda painting that his grandmother had given him for a few more moments before turning his attention back to Harvey. “What?” he asked “Why?”

“I know it means a lot to you, with your grandmother and all, so I thought I’d bring it upstairs, so it wouldn’t get ruined while laying around in storage.” Harvey said.

“But you hung it up.” Mike said, and the big smile on his face just wouldn’t go away.

“I knew you would be in a shitty mood being without my awesomeness for the first night since your break-up, so.” Harvey said “Why do you have to make a big deal out of everything?” He said, clearly annoyed that Mike was so amazed about the gesture.

“Thank you!” Mike said “Now I feel bad for staying in the office.”

“You should feel bad, you asshole.” Harvey said “I am never doing anything nice for you again.”

Mike knew that wasn’t true. Harvey, who had been in a hurry just to _pack a bag_ , had taken the time to go downstairs to the storage units and dig through all of the crap there to get a stupid panda painting, and _then_ hanging it up on the wall, just so Mike would have a feeling of home even though he would come home to an empty apartment.

“What?” Harvey asked, and Mike realized that he was still staring at Harvey. That was also the moment he realized something else that he really didn’t want to own up to. He might be falling for Harvey Specter.


	14. Chapter 14

Falling for Harvey Specter had not been part of Mike’s ‘get your shit together and start over as an independent human being' plan, and it certainly was not an ideal situation. When it had first hit him like a ton of bricks, he had initially shrugged it off, thinking it was just because Harvey had been the one to be there when everything else had fallen apart. Long story short; Mike had pushed it to the back of his head and categorized it as a ‘false alarm’. Everything else would just be too insane. There was still times when he missed Rachel, and they had been in a serious relationship, he was still stressed about work, and everything in his life was just too complicated. Except Harvey.

Harvey was a lot of things, but he was not complicated. At least not to Mike. Not anymore. He was the one good and steady thing in Mike’s life right now, and he figured that was why he was having these unexplainable feelings. That had to be it. Because Mike didn’t want to be in love with Harvey.

He didn’t want to lose Harvey.

“Mike?” Harvey asked, as Mike was caught up in his own thoughts and hadn’t been able to register what Harvey was telling him.

“Huh?” Mike responded, and Harvey cocked his head to the side and rolled his eyes before leaning against the armrest on the couch where Mike was laying.

“I asked if you needed anything before I go to work.” Harvey said.

“No, thanks.” Mike said, “I am perfectly content here with my blanket and Netflix.” He said, as he gestured to his somewhat relaxed form.

Mike’s sleep schedule had never been much to brag about, but after his stay at the hospital, it was completely ridiculous. He was pretty much glued to the couch and had a tendency to doze off regularly, which meant that he wasn’t tired enough to go to bed and get some real sleep at a decent hour. The fact that he had been told to stay away from caffeine didn’t exactly make the transition any easier.

Harvey had told him to just relax the best he could, but it wasn’t easy. It had been three days, and Mike was itching to get back to work, but Harvey had insisted that he’d take a whole week off. Mike knew that he didn’t need that much time, and was starting to feel very much like a couch potato. Being home alone all day was boring, even though Donna sometimes stopped by for lunch.

“Good.” Harvey said as he grabbed his keys from the coffee table. “I’ll see you later then.”

“I’m coming back to work tomorrow!” Mike said in a loud enough tone for Harvey to catch what he was saying, even from the hallway.

“No, you’re not!” Harvey said casually before slamming the door shut behind him.

Mike let out a breath before throwing the blanket off himself and stomping over to the kitchen, almost stopping to get himself a cup of coffee before remembering that it was a horrible idea, so instead he settled for a glass of juice.

Mike didn’t exactly mind relaxing, watching movies, listening to music and just all over, not having to worry or stress about every little assignment or responsibility. Truth be told though, he didn’t get any less stressed by sitting at home, doing nothing productive all day. At least his body felt more at ease, even if his mind wasn’t.

He had a check-up with the doctor later, so at least he would have something to do besides moping around the house or going on the occasional walk. Mike was just hoping the doctor would give him the all clear, that way Harvey could be as stubborn as he’d like, Mike was going back to work as soon as possible.

Suddenly his phone rang in his pocket and he almost jumped out of his skin, knowing that it was probably neither Donna or Harvey, and those were the only two people who every contacted him recently.

“Hello, Daniel.” He said after picking up. “You got any good news for me?”

“Mr. Ross.” He answered with his usual charm that was easy to recognize, even over the phone. Mike figured it came with the trade. “I believe I do.”

Mike wasn’t sure if the good news was really good news for him. One thing he was sure of though, was that whatever his very confused mind was telling him right now, about his possible feelings for Harvey, or his work situation, _whatever_ it might be; moving out and being on his own for a while was possibly the best for everyone.

“The apartment’s yours if you still want it.” Daniel said “Just need to dot the I’s and cross the t’s.”

Mike was going to get an apartment then, a very nice apartment at that. It would be a huge improvement to the last time he lived alone, that was for damn sure. He was a grown man dealing after a break-up, he couldn’t stay at Harvey’s forever and it was time to cut the cord.

“That’s great.” Mike said, even though his tone didn’t exactly confirm what he was saying. “When and where?”

He’d promised Harvey to let him know when he was looking at apartments, so he should probably also show him the courtesy of telling him that he was moving out. Just the thought of packing, and renting a movie truck and unpacking, settling in and filling the refrigerator…. Mike cringed at the thought.

So, he grabbed a bag of kale chips before heading towards his bedroom to make himself somewhat more presentable. Because after a visit to the doctor, Mike Ross was going back to Pearson Specter…. Litt.

It wasn’t until he noticed that his suit was actually a little too big for him, that he actually realized how bad he’d been at taking care of himself the last few weeks. It made him feel selfish. But everything was going to change now, passing out and ending up in the hospital was his rock bottom. Now he had a plan; he was going to move into his new apartment, improve his organization and priority skills and be a little better at standing up to himself. Everything life had thought him the last few years was going to come together and help him get his shit together.

So, as he walked in to the office, the same confidence that he used to have, was slowly coming back to him. He got a few looks as he walked towards Donna’s desk, including curious looks from a janitor, a couple of associates and a few partners. Donna had been right, _everyone_ knew how he had crashed and burned. On the bright side, maybe a few of the annoying partners that was throwing him boring assignments would find some new associates to do it.

“What the hell, Mike?”

“Hello to you too, Donna.” Mike answered casually, brushing off the rather rude welcome.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, glancing towards Harvey’s office to see if he’d noticed that Mike was there, but he seemed to be in deep conversation with Louis.

“I brought lunch.” He said with a grin, as he placed the plastic bag on Donna’s desk “You hungry?”

“Yes.” Donna said with a smirk as she took the bag and peeked inside “Organic?”

“Only the best for my girl.”

“Okay, cut the crap.” Donna said then and put the bag down and started Mike right in the eye “What do you want?”

Mike groaned “I got the apartment.”

“What apartment?”

“The one we looked at?” Mike answered, he was so used to Donna knowing everything that sometimes he forgot that she didn’t. “The one you told me to put my name down for?”

“Oh.” Donna said “That’s great, isn’t it?”

Mike really didn’t like the hinting tone of her voice and just nodded and pretended not to notice. “So it thought maybe we could celebrate?”

“With lunch at the office?” Donna asked, before realizing what exactly he was doing there “You haven’t told Harvey yet?”

“I just found out.” Mike said “I’m going to go sign the contract tomorrow.”

“You’re nervous about telling him.” Donna said with a grin that was nothing short of mischievous. “Why?”

Mike looked over at Harvey then, just as the other man noticed he was there. As Harvey gave him a puzzling look, Louis also turned around to see him standing there. Mike swallowed as he could see Louis making his way towards him, and then he almost choked as he saw Harvey stomping after him and grabbing him rather forcefully by the arm to make him stop.

“Shit.” Mike and Donna said at once as they could see the two of them starting to argue, and rather loudly at that.

The second Mike opened the glass door to the office with Donna right behind him, he could see Harvey tightening his grip on Louis’ arm.

“Harvey!” Mike said, trying to get him to calm down, wondering what the hell they were arguing about to make Harvey this upset. “Stop it, what the hell?”

“You’re insane.” Louis said, looking at Harvey like he was in fact, crazy.

“What’s going on?” Donna asked, and Mike really felt for her then. Louis had just started talking to her again, and now she was possibly forced to be taking sides again.

“I was just going to ask if you were okay.” Louis said, looking from Harvey to Mike.

“What do you care?” Mike asked, it came out a little harsh, but of all people, he really didn’t think Louis would care left of right if he ever came back to work.

“He doesn’t.” Harvey said, even more harshly, and Mike couldn’t remember ever seeing Harvey this mad, well, except for a couple of incidents when Mike had really screwed up.

“Harvey, let him go.” Donna said calmly, of course she had to be the one supervising the situation, since everyone else was acting like they were in junior high.

Louis pulled his arm back and took a step back so Harvey wasn’t all up in his face. “Seriously.” Louis said while looking between Mike and Harvey “I was just going to ask if there was something I could do to help you back on your feet.”

Mike opened his mouth to answer, but before he got the chance, Harvey was raising his voice again. “Help him?” Harvey said “You _broke_ him!”

“Harvey!” Mike exclaimed, not really knowing what to say to make Harvey stop whatever insane rampage he was on. Harvey had always been protective of him, but this was taking it to a whole new level.

“What?” Harvey asked, throwing his arms out. He looked angry, and frustrated, and almost a little sad, and Mike didn’t understand why exactly, he just knew that it was an awful thing to see.

“Harvey.” Donna said,, her voice so low and soothing that Mike was almost jealous of the way she was able to calm the entire room down with just a word. “He’s alright.”

It took a moment for Mike to register what she was saying, but it seemed like it took a moment for Harvey too. First, he just stood there, tense and almost breathless, before the words sunk in and he relaxed slightly while his eyes shifted from Donna’s to Mike’s.

“Sorry.” Louis said, looking straight at Mike, before leaving the room. It sounded like he was just excusing himself, but Mike couldn’t help but wonder if he was actually genuinely apologizing. He knew he had to talk to Louis, but at the moment, there was a more pressing issue.

“What was that?” Mike asked, his voice a little more squeaky than he’d like. Harvey didn’t seem to notice though as he brushed him off with a wave of his hand. Suddenly the view outside the office window was a lot more interesting than listening to Mike.

Mike glanced over at Donna who just sighed heavily and patted his shoulder before going back to her desk; Mike wasn’t sure what to make of that yet.

“Maybe you should have been the one to take some time off.” Mike said, as he put his hands in his pockets and took a couple of steps closer to Harvey. “He was making an effort you know.”

“He was being a dick.” Harvey answered at once, and Mike didn’t really have the energy to argue with him right now, at least when he was in that mood.

“Did something happen with the merger?” Mike asked, knowing that Malone and Harvey were still struggling with putting everything together for their next meeting.

“No.” Harvey said, before turning his attention back to Mike “What are you even doing here?”

“I brought Donna lunch.” Mike said “I texted to see if you wanted anything, but you didn’t reply so I thought I’d take you out.”

Harvey scoffed at that “ _You’re_ paying?” Harvey asked “Okay, now I know something’s up.”

Mike really didn’t know what to do then. He knew this wasn’t the right time to tell Harvey he was moving out, but he also knew that the longer he kept it from him, the more upset Harvey would be when he told him. Mike was pretty sure that Harvey was in fact, looking forward to not having Mike’s socks discarded all over the apartment, but it was still a very delicate subject and Mike was afraid of sounding ungrateful.

“Just thought it would do you good to get away from the office for a while.” Mike said “And it seems like I would be right.”

“It’s fine.”

“Harvey, I am not that fragile.” Mike said “You can talk to me, you know, what’s been going on?”

Harvey looked like he was considering whether to tell Mike something, before he nodded once and taking a breath. “Things have been tense, after what happened.”

Mike chuckled “Yeah, I’ve noticed, but he’s name partner now and-“

“Not that, for god’s sake.” Harvey said, clearly annoyed that Mike wasn’t a mind reader. To be fair though, Harvey seemed pretty annoyed at everything at the moment. “You winding up in the hospital.”

“Oh.” Mike said, feeling kind of stupid for not even figuring that out. “Tense how?”

“They shouldn’t have pushed you.” Harvey said, almost through gritted teeth, and Mike could tell he was tensing up again. Clearly, the subject was a sensitive one. Mike could only imagine how distraught he’d be if the roles had been reserved, and Mike had been the one beside Harvey’s hospital bed. He also knew that Harvey had felt a bit guilty after the same thing had happened with Rachel after he'd refused to give her some time off. 

“It wasn’t anyone’s fault.” Mike said, before cocking his head to the side “Well, I guess it was my fault.” He mumbled innocently.

“They pressured you.” Harvey said “I was there, remember? You thought you were going to be _fired.”_

“Yeah, but it was _my_ worries.” Mike said “I was the one who pushed myself over the limit.”

“Cut the bullshit, Mike.” Harvey said “We both know that if they had a reason, they both would have fired you without a second thought.”

Mike held up a finger and pointed a Harvey with a grin that was really inappropriate in the current situation. “So you admit it!”

“God, you’re annoying today:” Harvey said “My point is that they knew damn well what they were doing and I’m not gonna pretend that they didn’t.”

“Wait, have you been yelling at Jessica as well?” Mike asked, raising his eyebrows both in surprise and confusion, when Harvey didn’t answer, but just brushed him off again before going back to his desk, Mike almost panicked.

“Harvey, you can’t do that!” Mike said, before carding his fingertips through his hair. He should really get a haircut before going back to work for good. “She didn’t even do anything.”

“She knew you were already in over your head when she gave you that extra assignment, just like Louis did.” Harvey said “Stop changing the subject, and tell me why you’re here, I have work to do.”

Mike sighed heavily, wishing Harvey would just talk to him without being all pissy about it. “I got the apartment.”

Harvey just stared at him for a moment before saying “Okay.”

“I’m signing the contract tomorrow.” Mike said “I can move in immediately if I want.”

“Then you should probably start packing soon.” Harvey said before picking up a folder from his desk and walking towards Mike “As I said, I have work to do.” He said, before breezing right past Mike.

Mike on the other hand,was left completely dumbfounded and even more confused than he had been earlier.


	15. Chapter 15

Mike had been pacing around the apartment like a mad man all day, just waiting for Harvey to come home. If there was one thing Mike was terrified of doing, it was leaving while the two of them weren't getting along. So he had been going over and over the conversation he’d had with Harvey the whole day, wondering if he had been part of the reason Harvey had been so mad earlier.

He knew Harvey had been in an awful mood, and that he was as overwhelmed as Mike about the whole situation they were currently in. Mike also knew that Harvey was a very protective person, and for some reason he wouldn’t tell Mike what was really going on. Mike groaned out loud at the thought. Even though he appreciated someone looking after him like that, it wasn't helping either one of them at the moment.

Harvey was the one thing in his life that he just couldn’t lose and now everything was falling apart. Mike bit his bottom lip at the thought. There was no way that was happening. He was going to fix whatever he might have broken with Harvey before it was too late. He couldn’t leave with the two of them on bad terms.

Not again.

He knew deep down that this was fixable, and that they had been through way worse and survived. It was just really hard to be positive with everything that had happened lately.

Harvey came back late, with a frown and tired eyes. When he caught sight of Mike sitting on the kitchen counter, he cocked his head to the side and offered him a smile.

“What have I said about you planting your ass on that countertop?” Harvey asked “I cook there, you know.”

Mike smiled back, but he didn’t bother jumping down. So Harvey hadn’t really been that mad at him after all. That was a good thing.

“Listen, about what happened today.” Mike said, but before he could say anything else, Harvey held up a hand to stop him.

“I’m sorry.” Harvey said as he took off his jacket and hung it on a chair before walking over to the fridge to get a bottle of water. “It’s been a long week.”

“Did you talk to Louis?” Mike asked, he hadn’t been able to do it himself before leaving the office, feeling that everything was just too screwed up at the moment, and that he should give everyone a chance to calm down before playing peacemaker. He had texted a bit with Donna earlier though, so he knew that she had talked to him briefly. 

Harvey gave him a look then, telling Mike that he probably wouldn’t get a real answer. Surprisingly though, Harvey’s features softened and shook his head.

“He’s doing the finance background work for the merger.” Harvey said “Jessica told me that Malone would help him until things have calmed down.”

“I get that you’re upset, Harvey.” Mike said, before looking down to where he was nervously playing with his thumbs. “But the way you behaved today-“

“It was totally unprofessional, I know.” Harvey replied. What was with Harvey not letting him finishing his own sentences today? “He just pisses me of so much sometimes.”

“Because he wanted to help?”

“He-“

“Broke me?” Mike said before Harvey had the chance, and realized they were acting like an old married couple. “Thought I’d forget about that, did you?”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Harvey said on a tired groan. Mike nodded and leaned his head back slightly, feeling like it was suddenly a little harder to breathe.

“Good.” He said “Because I’m not that fragile.”

“I know that too.” Harvey said, before sticking his tongue out slightly to wet his dry lips. Mike hated that he couldn’t help but stare. “It was a complete nightmare.”

“What was?”

“You on the floor in the office, not being able to wake you up, you in that _ambulance_ , you in that _stupid_ hospital bed.” Harvey said, breathing out each word between gritted teeth as he was looking down as his shoes.

“Hey.” Mike said, jumping off the counter and touching Harvey’s arm slightly to make him look at him. “I’m sorry, okay?” He said, not knowing what else to do. He didn’t know it had affected Harvey that much.

“You should be.” Harvey answered “Dumbass.”

Mike grinned at him “I’m okay, you know.”

“Yeah.” Harvey said, taking a deep breath to pull himself together. Mike didn’t comment on it. “Speaking of, how did you doctor’s appointment go?”

“Everything was fine.” Mike said “Well, not a hundred percent, but he gave me the all clear to get back to work.”

Harvey nodded, and then there was a silence, as it seemed like Harvey was waiting to ask Mike something, but didn’t know how.

“So-“

“When are you meeting the realtor tomorrow?” Harvey asked then.

“Um.” Mike said, as he tried to remember. He’d totally forgotten about that. “One o’clock.”

“It’ll come out of your lunch break.” Harvey said “It’ll be good to have you back at work.”

Mike beamed then, and nodded. “I can’t wait.” He said “It’ll be especially fun now that you’ve made everyone at the office hate me even more!”

Harvey chuckled then “You figured out my plan.” Harvey said, smirking, before his expression fell again and he patted Mike’s shoulder. “It’s been a really long day.” He said “I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed.”

“Yeah, sure.” Mike said “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“It’s pretty unavoidable for the time being.” Harvey answered, and Mike didn’t know what to say as he caught on to Harvey’s tone of voice.

“You don’t want me to go, do you?” He asked, and he really knew that he shouldn’t because even if that was the case, Mike needed to leave. He needed to get away from Harvey so he wasn’t constantly reminded how amazing his boss really was, how he was always there and how he was the best friend Mike had ever had.

“Don’t flatter yourself, rookie.” Harvey replied as he turned and walked towards his bedroom.

“Fine.” Mike said, almost grumpily “Whatever.” And with that he stomped off and was in his bedroom long before Harvey reached his and slammed the door shut.

He knew it was kind of childish, but after everything that had happened, he didn’t see any reason for Harvey to lie or act like he didn’t give a shit.

Mike knew that Harvey didn’t feel the same way as he did, but that didn’t mean that the other man could keep saying these wonderful things and showing how he really cared about him in one moment and putting up a facade the next.

Actually, if Harvey actually did feel the same way, Mike probably would have broken into little pieces. He didn’t want to be in love, and the one thing that would be worse than that, would be if the two of them fell in love with each other.

Mike was done with that. Every relationship he had ever been in had ended close to disaster. He thought that Rachel would be the end of his awful track record, but that had just turned out to be the most painful of them all. He couldn’t imagine himself loving like that again, because if it didn’t work out, he was afraid that there wouldn’t be anything left of him.

Harvey was the one constant thing in his life and that wasn’t something he was going to give up any time soon. Because Mike hadn’t just fucked up every relationship he’d ever had, he’d also fucked up every friendship he’d ever had. Whether it was them turning out to be an asshole, like Trevor, or him falling for them, like Jenny, or Mike screwing up everything like with Louis, the one constant factor for disaster, was Mike.

But, Mike hadn’t screwed up majorly lately, he hadn’t told Harvey how felt, and he sure as hell would never compare Harvey to Trevor. So Mike was pissed, because Harvey was an asshole who seemed to turn on and off his emotions whenever it was convenient for him, and it fucked with Mike’s head.

When he thought about it, it was all Harvey’s fault that he was so confused about how he felt. So since Mike was so upset, and tired and just sick of absolutely everything, he went online and ordered a moving truck for the upcoming Saturday.

 

The next morning, he dreaded getting out of bed, even though he had been looking forward to going back to work. He hadn’t slept very well, and he had a slight headache. He knew that there was no point in delaying it though and threw the covers off himself and groaned as he got up and made his way into the guest bathroom.

Harvey was already in the kitchen when Mike was finally ready for breakfast.

“Morning.” Harvey said and offered Mike a cup of coffee, which he accepted. “You ready to get back to work?”

Mike nodded “Yeah.”

“What’s up with you?” Harvey asked then, frowning slightly.

Mike just shook his head, not even wanting to answer, because he knew he would sound like a complete brat and Harvey would take it personally. “Nothing.”

“Is it gonna affect your work?”

Mike scoffed then, and let out a breath that must have sounded bitter. “Really, Harvey?”

“What?” Harvey asked, probably not understanding why Mike was acting so strange. Mike still wasn’t sure himself.

“You once told me that you keep your business life and your personal life separately.” Mike said “So why is it that it’s perfectly fine for you to risk your reputation and job, trying to protect me, but act like you don’t give a shit?”

Harvey all but slammed his cup onto the counter, and Mike was worried that it might break. “Who says I don’t give a shit?”

“You do, apparently.” Mike said “Because one minute you’re breaking the rules by staying the night in my hospital room to make sure I was okay and the next you act like you’re not even going to care that I am moving out.”

“It’s because I don’t.” Harvey answered. “I was trying to do you a favor by letting you stay here and now you’re calling me a dick because I’m not gonna beg you to stay?”

“That’s not what I’m saying!”

“Then what are you saying?” Harvey asked “Because all I can hear is you calling me a asshole, how did you think this was going to play out?”

Mike bit his lip and shook his head. “I don’t know.” Mike said “I just think it really sucks when you say one thing but act differently.”

“Well, I can say the same for you.” Harvey said, and before Mike could ask what that meant, he continued “So maybe it’s been a little harder separating the two after you moved in.”

“Good thing I’m leaving then.” Mike said, as he grabbed his stuff “The moving truck will be here on Saturday.” He said before practically storming out the door.

Taking a cab to work made Mike feel bad, knowing that he should have sat next to Harvey in his car, and they should be discussing Mike’s first day back, and there would have been bad jokes involved. However, Mike had screwed up and done exactly what he had promised himself that he wouldn’t. Now, Mike’s confidence had taken a few hits lately, but he still knew that he wouldn’t lose Harvey all together over one little fight, but he wished he could take it back anyway.

Another part of him was glad that he said it though, knowing that Harvey needed to be more honest with him, even if he was already having a hard enough time being honest with himself. Donna had told him once that Harvey needed him, but he wasn’t able to tell Mike himself. Maybe he should have. Mike needed to hear that someone needed him for once as well.

He had never felt like he was enough. There was a time with Rachel that he had thought that he was finally everything that someone wanted, but then clearly he wasn't. Otherwise she wouldn't have kissed someone else. He just wished someone could tell him that he was enough. That was all he wanted. Mike knew that it wasn’t going to happen though. Maybe he wasn’t enough for anyone.

Mike groaned and wanted to kick himself for the self-pity party he was having with himself.

Before he even went to put his things in his office, Mike went to see Louis the minute he got to work to ask him if he was okay. 

“What do you care?” Louis asked.

“Are we really going to do this again?” Mike asked “Are you okay?” He repeated

“I’m fine.” Louis said “How are you feeling?”

“Never better.” Mike said, before looking down at his feet for a moment and then back at Louis “Thanks for asking.”

With that he left the office, before any more words could be exchanged, knowing that it probably wouldn’t get any better than that. He didn’t go to Harvey’s office, instead he went straight to his own, hoping that there would be some kind of assignment waiting for him.

At lunch, he went to sign the contract for the apartment, and smiled when Daniel congratulated him on finding a place. Mike was actually happy, it was a wonderful apartment, and it was a new beginning for him. He learned to adapt, even if it sometimes took a while, which was probably why as soon as he actually signed the papers, he was looking forward to moving in.

When he came back to work, he brought a coffee for Donna and she gave him a look.

“What did he tell you?”

“He didn’t tell me anything.” Donna said, and Mike knew that was a lie. Donna could read Harvey better than anyone and if he hadn’t said anything voluntarily, then she would have made him say something anyway.

“Double caramel, no cream.” Mike said “Since your insane logic says that you can’t have both.”

“You didn’t get one for yourself, did you?”

“No, mom.” Mike replied “I need to ask Harvey something.”

“So go ask.”

“Is he mad?”

“I don’t know.” Donna said “Why don’t you go see for yourself.”

“Donna…”

“So you’re moving out then.” Donna said. There it was. Mike rolled his eyes at her.

“He hasn’t told you anything, then?” Mike asked, and Donna just sighed and glared at him.

“You know how he is.” Donna said “No need to be an ass about it.”

“I thought it would be different now.” Mike said, knowing he sounded a little needy, but he just couldn’t be bothered.

“Sometimes he need a little push.” Donna said, and Mike knew that she was right. Harvey wasn’t good at conveying his feelings, Mike guessed it had something to do with his relationship with his family and his failed relationships in the past. During the time Mike had been living with him though, he had seen the subtle change in how Harvey would let his guard down more and more. Now Mike felt like an ass for pointing it out and probably ruining everything.

“I am an asshole.”

“Well, so is he.” Donna said “You are perfect for each other.”

Mike rolled his eyes at her one last time before disappearing into Harvey’s office.

“How are we on the merger?” Mike asked, knowing that there was still so much to do and that this case would probably go on for quite a while.

“Malone is going back to Staten Island tomorrow.” Harvey said “Hey, what associate do you think could manage taking on this case load in one day and go with him tomorrow?”

Mike just gave him an offended look before pointing at himself “Hello?”

“You just got back today, you’re supposed to take it easy.” Harvey said “Besides, don’t you have to pack?”

The question sounded casual enough, but Mike was still able to hear the slight bitterness in Harvey’s voice.

“Fine, is Rachel busy then?” Mike asked, knowing that she was practically Malone’s own associate at this point.

“She has finals next week.” Harvey said, and Mike couldn’t believe how fast time was flying by lately. “Katrina is glued to Louis side, so that’s not an option.”

“I think Donna knows this stuff better than me.” Mike said, and it was true after all, he was never even down in the cubicles anymore and he had no idea what any of the other associates was even working on, let alone how they were doing. He was in the big leagues now, and the last thing he needed was to make friends that would get suspicious and ruin everything. Not that he had had any luck in making friends with the other associates before.

“Fine.” Harvey said “Did you need anything?”

“I’ve finished highlighting the copy of the regulations that the client wanted.” Mike said.

Harvey nodded “Good.” He answered “Give it to Malone, he’ll take it with him tomorrow.”

Mike sighed then and was about to turn around, but decided against it and sat down instead. Harvey looked up from his computer screen and raised his eyebrows at him. “Anything else?”

“Sorry I was a dick this morning.” Mike said.

“Mike, I really can’t be bothered with this right now.” Harvey said “I have a shitload of work to do.”

Mike knew that Harvey was acting like this because of what Mike had told him about separating work and personal life, but he also knew that maybe he was right. Maybe it wasn’t a good thing that he line had gotten blurred after he had moved in.

“Okay.” Mike said with a nod “I’ll get the copy to Malone.”

“Yeah.”

It wasn’t exactly awkward, but things were colder than usual between them throughout the day. Mike did whatever work he was assigned, which wasn’t a lot, since he was told to take it easy and keep his blood pressure down.

Rachel even stopped by the office before she was leaving for the day to make sure he was doing okay.

“Have you eaten today?” Rachel asked and Mike smiled at her and nodded.

“Yes, I’ve eaten.” He said. Mike knew he had told her that they shouldn’t be anything more than colleagues, but it felt nice knowing that there was a genuine possibility that the two of them could be friends someday. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” Rachel said “Gotten a lot better at balancing work and classes.”

“Think you could give me a few pointers?” Mike joked, and Rachel laughed at him.

“It’s so like you to steal the show.” Rachel said “Always have to outdo everyone else, don’t you?”

Mike closed his laptop and chuckled at her “You know me.” He said “I signed the lease for an apartment today.”

Rachel looked both happy and sad at the same time when he said it, and Mike knew the feeling all too well.

“Congratulations Mike.” She said “I should get going.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later.” Mike said and Rachel nodded with a small smile before leaving the office. It was still a little weird between them, but it got better each day, which Mike appreciated.

An hour later, Harvey was the one knocking on his door. “Hey.” He said, and Mike looked up from his work, a little surprised to see the other man there.

“Hey.” He answered “You finished for the day?”

Harvey nodded “You look tired.”

Mike hadn’t really thought about it, but he had noticed that he had a lot less energy to burn at work than usual. It was probably a good thing that he was taking it easy for the time being.

“I’m okay.” Mike answered before he remembered something. “Did you find an associate worthy enough to go tomorrow?”

Harvey groaned and flopped down in the chair in front of Mike. “Not sure, Malone picked him out, Chris or Cal or something.”

“Really, Harvey?” Mike asked, a smirk on his lips “Poor guy is probably sitting in his cubical having a heart attack while trying to catch up.”

“You could have done it.” Harvey said, and Mike smiled while he thought about when he first started and actually impressed Harvey when he went through all those boxes in just one night. Things had been so different.

“Not everyone is as awesome as me, Harvey.” Mike said “I’m one of a kind.”

“Yeah, thank god for that.” Harvey replied while making a face at him.

“Why aren’t you going?” Mike asked “Wouldn’t that be easier.”

“Because my idiot associate landed himself in the hospital the last time I went out of town and clearly can’t be left alone for a longer period of time.” Harvey said, and Mike was a little surprised to hear him say that because it basically translated into Harvey saying that he was worried that something was going to happen to him if he left.

“I don’t need a babysitter.” Mike said, and before Harvey could open his mouth to reply, he added: “But, thanks.”

Harvey smiled back at him. “Come on, let’s go home.”

Mike was already dreading next week when he’d have to go home alone.


	16. Chapter 16

Mike was grateful that he didn’t have lot to pack, most of his stuff was still in boxes down in storage, which made the moving experience a lot easier this time around. He was still taking it easy at work, which he actually didn’t mind, not that he’d tell anyone that. Jessica had briefly stopped by his office on Friday morning to make sure he was doing okay, Mike figured she just didn’t want another scene at her hand. He couldn't blame her though, with everything she'd gone through the last couple of years.Louis was back to ignoring him, even though he sometimes caught him looking his direction. It freaked Mike out a bit, wondering if the man was planning something. Harvey and him had made up with a big bowl of caramel popcorn and _Sleepless in Seattle._ Both of them complained about how unrealistic it was, and neither of them admitted that they secretly loved it.

Friday night, Donna came over for some weird ‘last hurrah’ party while packing up the three boxes of stuff that Mike had actually brought into the apartment.

“You’re acting like I’m moving to Europe or something.” Mike said, and Harvey snickered as Donna poured all three of them another drink.

“She just wants an excuse to drink.” Harvey replied as they clinked their glasses together.

“Like I need an excuse.” Donna said and leaned back into the cushions on her lounge chair and looked up at the night sky.

Mike was really going to miss the view from Harvey’s balcony, so he decided to make the best of it and follow Donna’s example as he leaned back. The three of them must look like some high-class douchebags where they were lying out on a Manhattan balcony and getting drunk on expensive scotch.

“I’m hungry.” Mike said, and Harvey scoffed at him as he got up from his seat and went inside to get something to eat.

When he came back out with a bowl of cereal in his hands and slumped back down in his chair, Harvey raised his eyebrows at him.

“Cocoa puffs and scotch?” He asked, as if Mike had just committed a serious crime. Mike scoffed at the thought. Been there, done that.

“Oh, is that cocoa puffs?” Donna asked, clearly very excited at the thought “Give me some!”

Mike handed her the bowl and she took a handful, Harvey made a comment about eating dry cereal, but Mike just rolled his eyes at him. He’d heard it all before.

“You two are such lightweights.” Harvey said then. Mike just scoffed at him. He wasn’t even drunk.

“I can’t believe Harvey lets you have cocoa puffs in his kitchen.” Donna said, like Harvey wasn’t even there.

“He bought it for me!” Mike said, a little too excited, and okay, maybe he was a little drunk after all.

“No way!”

“I’m still here.” Harvey said, clearly annoyed by the two of them. When Mike reached for the scotch, he just took it from his hand and re-filled his own glass. Wait, hadn’t Donna _just_ done that? “And what’s the expiration date on those things anyway?”

“You’re just jealous.” Mike said, even though he knew the argument was completely invalid seeing as Harvey could just make himself a bowl if he wanted one. Okay, so maybe he was more than just a _little_ drunk.

“Yeah, that’s it.” Harvey replied as he took another sip of his drink. When Mike tried to reach for the bottle _again_ , Donna was the one to snatch it away.

“Hey!” Mike said.

“No more drinking for you.” Donna sing-sang, and Mike almost pouted at her. He didn’t though, he wasn’t that drunk after all.

“The doctor said to watch your drinking, it increases your blood pressure.” Harvey said, and Mike just looked at him like he didn’t think Harvey was serious.

“Come on.” Mike said “It’s not like I have a heart disease or something, it was just a one-time thing.”

“You’re still recovering.” Harvey said “This is non-negotiable, besides, I’d hate to have to clean vomit off my bathroom floor again.”

“When are you going to let that go?”

“Never.” Harvey answered. Mike just scowled at him, which made Harvey smirk slightly.

Mike decided to turn his attention towards Donna then, since Harvey was being such a party-pooper. “Are you coming with me tomorrow?”

“Manual labor? No thanks.” She answered, “Here’s the thing, I helped Rachel and Harvey helps you, that’s how this thing works.”

“I never agreed to those terms.” Harvey said, but they all knew he was going to help anyway so what was the point of arguing?

“You haven’t even seen the place.” Mike said, “It’ll be fun, we can have a housewarming party, sort of.”

“Unpacking all your shit while drinking cheap wine out of plastic cups is not a housewarming party.”

“Hello, that’s the actual definition of the word!” Mike said “You’re so high-maintenance.”

Donna snorted that and actually had to cover her mouth, and then Mike started laughing because she was laughing, and Harvey was calling them both idiots. Harvey may have been smart to cut him off on his drinking.

After a cup of black, strong coffee for Harvey and Donna, and some jokes on Mike’s behalf, Donna gave them both a kiss on the cheek and said goodnight before heading home.

Mike was standing by the sink and doing the dishes, when Harvey came out of the bathroom. Mike was almost seeing double and realized that he was still drunk, and wondered how many drinks he’d had. Harvey had been right; he was a lightweight.

“I have a dishwasher you know.” He said, and Mike nodded.

“I am well aware.” He said “But it was full, and I thought you’d like this out of your way.”

“It’s just a couple of glasses.” Harvey replied and suddenly the apartment was too quiet. Mike should probably get used to the quiet. It wasn’t like he was going to be all alone once he moved out. He spent most of his day at the office anyway.

“You’re swaying.” Harvey said with an amused smile.

“I’m floating.” Mike answered, at least he was sober enough to realize that that didn’t make any sense.

Harvey casually made his way over to Mike, and grabbed a towel to dry off the glasses and cups that Mike was finished washing.

“So, are you all ready for your big day tomorrow?” Harvey asked, almost teasingly and Mike smiled at him.

“Yeah, it’ll be kind of weird though.” He said, and then turned his head to look at Harvey. “Right?”

Harvey nodded, without looking back at Mike. “Yeah, maybe a little.”

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Mike asked.

“You’re probably going to do it anyway, so shoot.” Harvey said as he finished drying everything off and hung the towel back in it’s place before turning his attention to Mike.

“Have you ever thought about what would have happened if you had hired someone else that day?” He asked, and Harvey furrowed his brows in confusion.

“You mean if I had sent your pot-head out the door and hired one of the Harvard douchebags?”

Mike gave him a small smile and nodded “Yeah.”

“No, I haven’t.”

Mike found that hard to believe, he’d thought about it a lot of times how his life would have turned out if Harvey hadn’t given him a chance. “Never?” He asked, and the disbelief was clear in his voice.

“No.” Harvey said, “Why dwell on what could have been?”

Mike remembered Harvey telling him that he’d never regretted him, and wondered if this was the reason why, but he didn’t ask.

“Why?” Harvey asked, obviously wanting to know what was going on in Mike’s head.

“Oh, you know me…”

“Yeah, I do.” Harvey replied, “Which is why it worries me when you ask stupid questions.”

“How is that stupid?”

“Because it came from you.” Harvey said, rather playfully and Mike only glared at him. “Do you think about it a lot?”

Before Mike could answer though, Harvey cut him off. “What am I saying, of course you do.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mike asked, rather offended, even though he didn’t even know why yet.

“Nothing, you just have a tendency of living in the past sometimes.” Harvey replied.

"Yeah, yeah." Mike said, brushing him off. “I’m trying to change.” He said, a little annoyed.

“Well, don’t change too much.” Harvey said “There’s a reason I hired you over a Harvard douche, you know.”

Mike grinned at him then and Harvey didn’t seem to be unable to not return it. “You are such a dork, you know that right?”

“I hate you.” Mike pouted.

“That’s not true, you love me.” Harvey replied with too much confident and Mike just gave him a loop-sided grin.

“Maybe I’ve fallen in love with you.” Mike said drunkenly, and wondered how he felt even more intoxicated now even though he hadn’t had anything to drink for at least half an hour.

“Really?” Harvey asked a little amused.

“Yeah, but it’s a secret.” Mike said “I’m not gonna tell you until I’m absolutely sure.”

“Sounds like a good plan, rookie.” Harvey said, playing along with Mike’s drunken foolishness. If he only knew.

“Everything changes though.” Mike said, as he had not just basically admitted his feelings for Harvey. He looked around the apartment. The panda painting was still on the wall, and Mike didn’t even know why he hadn’t packed it yet.

“Not everything.” Harvey answered, almost at once and Mike wanted nothing more than to ask and pry as he wondered what he meant. But then Mike realized something that he should have done weeks ago. Harvey didn’t have to explain what he meant when he said stuff like that, because Mike should already have known.

Mike smiled then. They weren’t going to change. They had been through too much together and it wasn’t like with Trevor, or Rachel or any other person in Mike’s life that he had loved and lost. Because Harvey had proven that he wasn’t going anywhere and that he wasn’t letting Mike go, and even though they were past that point now where they should have to prove their loyalty to each other, they still did.

Basically Mike’s life, the life he always had wanted for himself, the life his grandmother and his parents had wanted for him, had started the day he met Harvey Specter. He was the constant thing in Mike’s story, and those kind of people didn’t just go away. Not without a fight.

“Thank you.” Mike found himself saying as he was hit with that sudden realization, almost overwhelmed by it.

Harvey looked confused for a moment, but Mike just continued smiling at him, because Harvey shouldn’t need an explanation either. It turned out he didn’t need it.

“You too.”

Mike drew a deep breath then and laughed a little before getting himself together “I should get to bed, big day tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” Harvey said “Good night, Mike.”

Mike nodded “Good night, Harvey.”


	17. Chapter 17

“You are such an asshole.” Mike laughed as Harvey continued unpacking glasses from bubble wrap, and finding place for them in the cupboards. “Did you seriously do that to your brother?”

“It was a prank.” Harvey said, always the lawyer, trying to defend himself. “And he started it.”

“Okay, now I’m curious.” Mike said as he turned around from where he was stocking the refrigerator and met Harvey’s eyes. “What exactly did Marcus do to justify you putting coloring in his shampoo?”

“We were at summer camp once, I was fifteen.” Harvey said, and Mike already knew this story was going to be good. “While I was in the shower, Marcus and a couple of his buddies thought it would be fun to come in and steal my towel.”

“Oh, god.” Mike said “You had to do the naked-run, didn’t you?”

“Nothing but a toiletry bag to cover me up with.” Harvey replied, and Mike couldn’t help but laugh at the image. “So, yes, having green hair for a couple of days wasn’t even close to what he deserved.”

“Why didn’t you do something worse then? “Mike asked, even though he already knew the answer “I mean, you didn’t seem to have any trouble with pissing in Louis’ office… Twice.”

Harvey shrugged “He was still my little brother.”

“I always wanted a sibling.” Mike said “I mean, when I was a kid I was more than happy to have all the attention to myself, but especially after my parents died…” He said, not really sure how to finish the thought “It would have been nice, you know.”

“Yeah.” Harvey said “I know.”

Mike smiled at him then before continuing emptying out the groceries.

“It’s a really great apartment, Mike.” Harvey said.

“I think so.” Mike said “Let’s hope this one sticks.”

Harvey nodded in understanding, before he leaned back against the counter and folded his arms “Why wouldn’t it, though?”

“Hm?” Mike asked as he closed the refrigerator door and put the empty bags away.

“There’s no reason why it shouldn’t.” Harvey said, and Mike smiled at that.

“Yeah, you’re right.” He said, maybe this was what he meant by not living in the past. Just because things had turned for the worse before, didn’t mean it had to again. “The real question is, how are you gonna cope without me?”

Harvey chuckled then, and raised his eyebrows with a genuine amused look on his face. “Oh, please, I was gone for one night and you managed to wind up in the hospital!”

“Please, you loved living with me.” Mike said with a wink, before gently pushing himself past Harvey and into the living room so he could unpack the rest of the boxes in there.

“Whatever.” Harvey replied “Besides, I remember being promised cheap wine?”

“Oh, right!” Mike said “Wouldn’t be a housewarming party without one.”

He managed to find some wine stashed away, and it was warm and tasted like wet cardboard, but Harvey drank it with minimal whining and Mike was actually starting to feel genuinely happy about the move.

“Hey, Harvey.” Mike said as he re-filled their plastic cups. “Thank you again for everything.”

“You’re welcome.” Harvey said, and Mike just looked at him happily before Harvey sighed and put his cup down. “Okay, I’m only going to say this once and if you repeat it to anyone I will most definitely deny it, but….”

That caught Mike’s interest.

“It’s been nice having you around.” Harvey said.

Mike grinned “I already knew that.” He said “Otherwise you probably would have kicked me out ages ago.”

“Shut up, I was trying to be nice here.”

“Well, it was a pretty sucky confession.” Mike said, and snickered to himself as he remembered Harvey telling him the night before that he was never going to do anything nice for Mike ever again.

“You are such an ungrateful little shit.” Harvey responded, and Mike couldn’t help but smirking at him. He was lying to himself if he wasn’t saying that that he was going to miss having Harvey around as well.

“I’m gonna miss you too, Harvey.” Mike said then, actually sincere and no sarcasm behind it. What was the point of covering it up anyway?

Harvey didn’t answer at once, but then he returned Mike’s smile and clinked their plastic cups together. “To the best of times.”

Mike laughed then “Something like that.” He said “I’m gonna miss getting a ride to work.”

“I’ll pick you up.” Harvey said, and at first Mike thought he was joking, but when Harvey didn’t say anything else, he realized he was serious.

“Really?”

“Why not?” Harvey said “It’s… almost on the way.”

Mike knew that a simple ‘thank you’ would be enough and then they could continue with their conversation, but instead Mike just sat there and looked at him like an idiot. Because the night before, even though Mike had been drunk, he remembered perfectly how Harvey had told him not to change too much. And here Harvey was, changing completely from the guy that Mike had first met.

That Harvey was against having emotions, but not using them. He preferred closing cases, because it was expensive to go to court. He kept cool, kept his composure, and wanted Mike to do the same because Mike was a representation of him and Harvey Specter always needed to look good. 

Now Harvey had proved more times than one that he had emotions, and that he cared. He took cases to court if it meant not only fighting for his reputation and the client, but for what was right. Harvey Specter made a huge scene in the office to defend Mike, to make sure he was okay. When Mike had managed to seem like an idiot by screwing up at work and landing himself in the hospital the same day, Harvey hadn’t given two shits about what people thought, only about if Mike was okay.

Mike was starting to realize though, that Harvey wasn’t changing. He was just letting Mike see the person he really was beneath the role he had been playing for so long. Yes, Harvey was a bad-ass attorney and the best closer in Manhattan, but he was also so much more than that.

Mike couldn’t help but think about the onion metaphor from Shrek.

“Mike, are you having a stroke or something?”

“What?” Mike asked “Sorry.” He said and coughed as he tried to remember what they were even talking about before his mind went elsewhere “Yeah, thanks.” He said “I’d be really grateful if you could pick me up every now and then.”

“Sure.” Harvey said, he still seemed a bit skeptic though and Mike couldn’t blame him. He probably looked like a headless chicken. “Where do you want the plastic bowls?”

Mike stuck to that one cup of warm wine, so Harvey wouldn’t say something about his blood pressure or whatever, even though Mike was more than certain that it wasn’t a problem anymore. Harvey had been right though, he was too young for this to be an issue at all.

It took four hours to get everything together and for Mike to stop being such a perfectionist and re-arranging everything because it didn’t feel ‘home-y’ enough.

“You lived in a box that was held together by mold when I met you.” Harvey said “Does it really matter what corner you put that hideous lamp?”

“This lamp is amazing.” Mike said and pointed to the lamp that he couldn’t even remember when he had bought and had no idea how Rachel had let him keep. “You could say it’s the-“

“If you say ‘light of my life’, I’m seriously gonna punch you in the face.” Harvey said and furrowed his brows at Mike, who just shrugged and grinned at him. “Seriously Mike, the place looks great.”

Mike smiled and looked around, it really did. He should get some pictures and personal items out soon, so it wouldn’t’ seem so moderate and empty.

“I should get going.” Harvey said “It’s getting late.”

“Unless you want to stay over.” Mike joked “I have a spare guestroom you know.”

“That’s how it always start.” Harvey said with a wink. “I might as well move in for a couple of months right away.”

“You said you didn’t regret anything.” Mike said, like a little mister-know-it-all. 

“Well, you said you were in love with me, so.” Harvey answered, and Mike almost choked on his own tongue. Was Harvey implying or joking about the fact that people sometimes say stuff they don’t mean, because Harvey had no idea.

“So I can add awkward love confessions to the list of things I do while drunk that you can later use against me?”

“Definitely.” Harvey said “And it was more of a half-way confession.”

“God.” Mike groaned before laughing “Thank you for your help, now you can go, I am getting seriously tired of your face.”

“Right back at you.” Harvey winked as he grabbed his coat, and smiled when Mike opened the door for him. "Now, Mike…”

“What?” Mike asked, wondering what Harvey was suddenly so serious about.

“You just call me when you’re sure that you’re really in love with me okay?” He said, and snickered, and Mike was not amused.

“Well, don’t hold your breath.” Mike said almost pushing Harvey out the door.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Mike.” Harvey said with a pat on his shoulder before turning and heading for the elevator.

“Hey, Harvey!” Mike said and grabbed his arm, making him turn around “Really, thank you for your help.”

Harvey smiled back at him “Anytime.”

Mike only nodded once before closing the door and leaning heavily against it and letting out a breathless sigh. “I’m sure.” He whispered, barely able to say the words aloud without feeling completely devastated by the truth of it.

Mike didn’t know how long he’d been sitting on the floor in front of the couch wondering what he was supposed to do now. He was without a doubt in love with Harvey Reginald Specter, and his horrible impressions, and his stupid haircut and the huge heart that he rarely let anyone see.

Suddenly he looked up from where he was sitting, and had the feeling that something was wrong. Something was missing. Without even thinking about it, Mike jumped up and grabbed his keys and wallet before running out the door.

His mind was racing as he took in the city from the view of the window of his cab and he wondered when it had all grown so quiet.

Mike couldn’t even remember paying the driver as he stood outside of Harvey’s apartment and practically pounding the door down. When Harvey finally opened up he looked both angry and half-asleep at the same time. Mike wondered what time it was.

“Mike, what the hell?” Harvey asked, but Mike just brushed past him and rushed into the apartment with Harvey hot on his tail.

“I forgot the painting.” Mike said as he pointed up to where the stupid panda painting was still hanging on Harvey’s wall.

“What?” Harvey asked, he looked to be barely able to grasp what Mike was telling him, but to Mike it was obvious and also very reasonable to go back and get that particular painting right away. “Mike it’s three in the morning.”

“What?” Mike asked back before glancing on the clock on the microwave and let out a ‘oh’ when he saw the _03.08_ on there.

“And you have a key.” Harvey continued with his reasoning, and yes, Mike got his point, but he hadn’t really thought any of it through. “You’re not wearing a jacket.”

Mike looked down at himself then and realized that once again, Harvey was right. Mike was still in his sweats and T-shirt, and then he figured out why he felt so cold. At least he had remembered to put on shoes.

“Mike.” Harvey said before stepping closer “Are you okay?”

Mike let out a breath and almost felt ready to cry, even though he had no idea why. Suddenly he just felt so exhausted, even more so than he had been before passing out at the office. “I forgot the painting.” Was all he was able to say before he turned around and grabbed the painting from the wall and carried it under his arm, making his way past Harvey.

Harvey grabbed his arm though and made him stop dead in his track. “You’re freaking me out, kid.” He said “What’s wrong?”

Mike didn’t know what to say, or do, or even how to breathe. He barely knew how he had gotten there, and he certainly had no idea what had compelled him to go to his friend’s apartment in the middle of the night to get a painting. He didn’t know exactly how he felt or what he was supposed to say. Mike was tired of living a lie, he was tired of people getting caught in the crossfire and he was tired of re-thinking and second guessing every choice he had ever made.

If he was so unhappy, he needed to change something. He needed to change until he wasn’t unhappy anymore. But the thing was, that Mike wasn’t unhappy at all. Somewhere along the way, Mike’s unhappiness had faded and he was getting back to who he had wanted to be all along.

So Mike was just left staring at Harvey in awe and wondering how the man had been able to do that to him, and without him even noticing it. Sometimes the only way was the hard way, as Mike had learned. This was one of those times.

“Why did you let me stay here with you for two months?” Mike asked suddenly, still looking at Harvey like he was waiting for him to explain the universe to him. “

“What?” Harvey asked, still looking worried and confused.

“Why did you let me stay with you for so long?” Mike asked again.

“Because you needed it.”

“So you would have let anyone who needed it stay?”

“Of course not, Mike-“

“Why?” Mike demanded an answer, even if it wasn’t fair, because he needed to know for sure so he could put it behind him.

“You’re my friend and you needed help.”

Mike smiled then. Because he was his friend. That was good enough for him. Harvey only saw him as a friend which meant that there was no reason for Mike to fight for something he had no right to. Harvey deserved better than a friend that would put him on the spot like that. So Mike nodded. He'd always wanted to be Harvey's friend. This was a good thing. Mike smiled at him. 

“Okay.” He said, and was about to walk away when Harvey tightened the grip on his arm. Mike hadn’t even noticed how Harvey had never let him go.

“Because it was _you_.” Harvey said then, and he looked terrified, which freaked out Mike more than anything because this wasn’t how this was supposed to go. “Stay.”

Mike let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Harvey-“

“Don’t you tell me you came her because of a stupid painting and fucking leave me here when-“

Mike didn’t even realize he was about to kiss Harvey before his lips were already on Harvey's.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Thank you so much for commenting and giving Kudos, I never thought the story would be such a hit! Here's the thing, I get a lot of comments about the progression of the story, some love the slow build and other hates it. Some just wants fluff and others are loving the angst.  
> I am sorry if things aren't exactly how you want them, but I won't change the way I have planned to write this thing. I am trying to be realistic, and if Harvey and Mike had gotten together right after Mike had broken up with Rachel and then they would have just been happy forever - I think we all know that with these characters, that would seem very unrealistic.   
> So I hope you keep reading, and for those who were afraid that since it took "so long" for them to get together, that there would only be a few chapters of them actually being together, you won't have to worry. This is going to be a long story.   
> Thank you!

Mike Ross had never had much of an impulse control, which was weird because he was actually good at planning his actions ahead of time, it was just sometimes, when an opportunity presented itself, he had a bad habit of acting before thinking.

It was safe to say that telling Donna that he was hiding from the cops the day he was hired, had been a perfect example of poor impulse control, but it had ended up being the greatest thing he had ever done.

Sometimes it was a good thing, other times it ended with Mike regretting it three seconds after it had happened.

If Mike had thought things through, he might have come to the conclusion that showing up at Harvey’s apartment in the middle of the night, freezing cold and babbling like a lunatic before kissing him, would be a thing to regret.

Luckily, for Mike though, he hadn’t thought things through, which was why he was currently in a heated make-out session on his boss’ couch.

Mike didn’t know how long they had been standing in the middle of the kitchen, kissing, when they had broken apart breathlessly and Mike had said that they needed to talk. Harvey had nodded almost desperately and they had made their way to the couch.

They had just sat there looking at each other, waiting for the other one to say something when it turned out that sometimes, Harvey’s impulse control was just as bad as Mike’s, because suddenly they were making out again, no words exchanged.

Harvey wasn’t exactly the first man Mike had been in this situation with, but that didn’t mean that kissing Harvey wasn’t unlike anything Mike had ever felt. His clean-shaven jaw felt amazing against the palm of his hand as he cupped Harvey’s cheek, when Harvey bit his bottom lip carefully every now and then, Mike thought he might have died and gone to heaven, and he had to keep reminding himself that he was actually _making out with Harvey Specter._

Mike had had many life-changing moments, but this was by far one of the best and scariest yet.

As the kissing became even more passionate, he couldn’t help but think about how he had worried that he would lose Harvey if he had told him how he felt. He had never even considered that Harvey might like him back. What was happening though? Was this sexual tension unraveling or was there something more behind Harvey’s actions?

Mike was afraid of the answer, mostly because he was hoping for the first one because the second option was just that much scarier.

Suddenly Harvey’s lips was no longer on his and if Harvey ever told him that he had whimpered in that moment, then Mike would deny it.

“I can hear your wheels turning.” Harvey said with a confident smirk, and Mike could not for the life of him understand how he could be so calm about this, he couldn’t help but grin at the other man though.

“Maybe we should talk about this.” Mike said, fully aware that they had already tried that earlier. 

Harvey smiled and nodded before distancing himself a bit from Mike. Mike sat up straight, put his legs up in the couch, and rested his arms on his knees. “Okay.” Mike said “You first.”

“What are we, in high school?” Harvey asked, but he still seemed more amused than annoyed with Mike’s constant change in behavior.

“Is this weird?” Mike asked “It’s a little weird.”

“Why?” Harvey asked, and Mike just furrowed his brows, because he really didn’t know. Then it hit him, and he smiled a little shyly.

“Because it’s not weird.” Mike said “I feel like this should be weird.”

Harvey grinned, but didn’t say anything, which sucked, because Mike really wanted him to say something so the situation would make sense.

“So what do we do now?” Mike asked

“Well, I had a pretty good idea, but then you wanted to _talk.”_ Harvey said with a smirk, and Mike wanted to be annoyed, but couldn’t. He couldn’t be annoyed because not two minutes ago he had been kissing Harvey Specter. “So talk.”

“What is this?” Mike asked “Us, now.” He gestured between them and wondered if he looked as awkward as he felt. If he did, Harvey was nice enough not to say anything.

“You are such a teenager.” Harvey scoffed.

“Because I want to establish our relationship?” Mike asked “I for one, think I am very mature.”

Mike found it a little interesting to watch Harvey, wondering if he was having a déjà vu to when Scottie had wanted to know the same thing. Donna had shared a thing or two about their relationship after it had ended, and Mike had been feeling guilty because he had thought it had been because of his secret. Harvey just wasn’t that good at relationships. To be honest, Mike didn’t care. He wasn’t really looking for a relationship, but Harvey was just too undeniable.

Whatever Harvey wanted, Mike would be on board. As long as it didn’t involve giving his heart away again.

“I like you.” Harvey said, and Mike was just sitting there waiting for him to say something else, but Harvey just gave him a confused look. Clearly, that had been it.

“Stop it, you’re gonna make me cry.” Mike said sarcastically, and Harvey rolled his eyes. And so it begins.

“Listen.” Harvey said, as he was finally turning serious. “Relationships isn’t my strong suit and I’m not even sure I want to be in one, I’m a bit of a dick, and honestly, I have no idea what we are, but I’m willing to give it a shot, so are you in or out?”

“That’s the most romantic thing I have ever heard.” Mike said, if possibly, even more sarcastic than earlier. “Okay, now here’s my pitch” He said “I just got out of a relationship so I’m not sure what I want on that front either and I’ve been told I have severe self-pity complex lately, but I am willing to try this if you still want to.”

“Seems fair enough.” Harvey said and reached out his hand.

Mike grinned and shook it “Deal.”

“Deal.”

Before Harvey could say anything else, Mike’s lips was back on his. Harvey laughed against his lips, but quickly composed himself as Mike all but plastered himself over Harvey, and the older man let out a moan. That was a sound that Mike wouldn’t forget any time soon, hopefully Harvey would be more than happy to remind him if he did.

As Harvey wrapped his arms around Mike, bringing them impossibly closer, Mike tried his best to live in the moment and not worry about what would happen if this didn’t work out. They weren’t in a relationship, and they weren’t dating, so what was the worst that would happen?

He still had a ton of questions though, that he needed answered before they took things any further and beyond something they might regret.

“Hey.” Mike said, breathlessly as he pulled away slightly from Harvey, he was still laying on top of him though, so their faces was barely inches apart.

“Seriously. “ Harvey said, his voice low and reassuring. “If you want to keep talking, then you should probably stop molesting me every two minutes.”

“Shut up.” Mike said with a grin. “I was just-“

Before he was able to say anything else though, Harvey’s phone rang and Mike’s brows furrowed.

“Who the hell is calling you in the middle of the night?”

“It’s Jessica.” Harvey said with a worried look on her face. Mike was curious then as he basically climbed off of Harvey and sat down next to him. Harvey gave him one last look before he answered.

Mike was watching him with such intensity as he tried to hear what Jessica was saying, but he was only able to catch Harvey’s part of the conversation.

From what Mike could hear, it was something serious, which was pretty given since it was four in the morning and Jessica was calling. Suddenly Harvey got up from his place on the couch and started pacing as he continued discussing something with Jessica that Mike couldn’t quite catch.

Mike suddenly felt cold again and realized it was partly because he missed the warmth of Harvey’s body and he was only wearing a T-shirt, and was missing socks on his feet, and partly because he was so tired. Realizing that the conversation wasn’t going to end anytime soon, he carefully got up from the couch and gestured to Harvey that he was leaving.

Harvey held up a finger, asking Mike to wait a minute before asking Jessica to hold on. He pressed the ‘mute’ button on his phone so Jessica couldn’t hear them and then walked over to Mike.

“I’m sorry, everything went to shit with Malone’s meeting and Jessica has been on the phone with him all night to strategize.” Harvey said, actually sounding genuinely sorry.

“It’s okay.” Mike said “I should probably go home anyway.”

“Mike-“ Harvey said, but Mike just held up a hand and smiled at him.

“Seriously, we’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” He said before cocking his head to the side “Or later- whatever.”

Harvey sighed “You sure?”

Of course Mike was sure, even though the last thing he wanted right now was to put any distance between them, he really needed to go home and get some sleep and clear his head before things went any further.

Mike nodded “Absolutely.” He answered “By the way, the meeting didn’t go to shit because of some of my work, right?”

Harvey smiled and shook his head “No.”

“I knew I should have gone instead of Kevin.” Mike said “Whatever the mess is, my awesome self would probably have been able to fix it.”

“Who’s Kevin?” Harvey asked with raised eyebrows.

“The associate you sent.” Mike said “I believe you called him ‘Chris or Cal or something’.”

Harvey shrugged again, showing how he really didn’t care what the poor kid’s name was. “Well, I for one is glad that you didn’t go.”

Mike grinned “Me too.” He said before pointing over his shoulder and towards the door “I’m just gonna go then, call me later?”

Harvey nodded, and leaned forward and gave Mike a quick kiss on the lips, one that Mike almost laughed into. “Yeah.” He said.

“Bye.” Mike said “And let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

“I always do.” Harvey said, and with that Mike was heading towards the door before Harvey grabbed his arm and smirked at him. “Your panda.”

“Oh.” Mike said and looked to where the painting was resting against the side of Harvey’s counter. “Right.” He said before he picked it up.

“It’s a really ugly painting.” Harvey said on a chuckle, and Mike wasn’t even offended because that was just Harvey and he knew what the painting meant to Mike so he wasn’t trying to mean. Just honest.

“Hey, I love this painting.” Mike replied protectively as he tightened the grip on the frame.

Harvey smiled at him for a moment before winking at Mike. “Me too.”

 

Coming home to an empty apartment hadn’t been as awful as Mike had thought it would be, after all the chaos that had happened lately it was sort of nice to have some peace and quiet. Right now, he really needed it.

He kicked his shoes off and went straight for the shower so he could warm himself up before going to bed. Mike didn’t even know what to think about the fact that Harvey and him was now a thing. He was almost tempted to pinch himself to make sure that it was real.

He was a little upset that he didn’t have time to discuss what they were going to with… Whatever it was they were, there probably wasn’t a definition for it. He wouldn’t call it friends with benefits because it was so much more than that, but they clearly wasn’t in a relationship. Like almost everything with the two of them, it was indescribable.

Mike had so many questions though, could they see other people, had Harvey even done something like this with a guy before, what would happen with work.

Mike knew that neither of their work could be affected because of this and he doubted that it would. Well, more than it already had, that was.

All Mike knew was that the happiness he had felt earlier, knowing that Harvey wanted him, was undeniable…: And that scared him more than anything.

He was too tired to think about this now, so once he was feeling warm enough, he slid out of the shower and dried off before heading to bed. Exhaustion hit him like a ton of bricks and he almost wanted to cry when he entered the bedroom and remembered that he hadn’t put sheets on the bed yet.

It was going to be a long week.


	19. Chapter 19

When Mike woke up, it was way past noon and he couldn’t be better. He felt relaxed and well rested. That was until he remembered everything that had happened last night and earlier that morning.

“You didn’t even have socks on, you idiot!” Mike said through gritted teeth as he suddenly had the overwhelming urge to bang his head into the wall. He was such a dork. He turned his head towards the nightstand and looked for his phone.

Mike groaned and threw the covers off himself when he realized that he must have forgotten it in the bathroom the night before. 

He stretched and yawned as he made his way towards the bathroom, thankful that it was a day-off and he didn’t have to shave and drag himself to work. When he located his phone, he couldn’t help but be nervous as he wondered if Harvey had tried to contact him.

He had a new voicemail. Shit.

Mike pressed the phone to his ear and made his way towards the kitchen to get something to eat.

_Mike, it’s me._

Oh no, that tone wasn’t good. Mike braced himself as he put the phone on speaker and prepared himself for some bad news as he poured himself a bowl of cereal.

_The merger is in serious trouble and we might lose George as a client, so I am on my way to Staten Island to try to smooth things over._

Mike almost choke on his cereal.

_I’m assuming you’ll get this when you wake up, so just try not to be you and overthink this and freak out._

“Hey!” Mike said as he dropped his spoon back into his bowl. He knew Harvey couldn’t hear him, but he could still be offended.

_Shit- Malone is on the other line, I gotta go, I’ll talk to you later._

Mike hated that click sound that indicated that the conversation was over. Harvey had left for Staten Island, no big deal right? Work came first, and besides, Mike had sworn to himself that he wouldn’t get into another relationship just yet. What worried him was that Harvey hadn’t asked him to come along.

So he dialed Harvey’s number and waited for him to answer.

_Hey_

Shit, he sounded absolutely exhausted. Mike _almost_ felt bad for depriving him of sleep the night before.

“Well, if it isn’t the runaway bride?” Mike teased “I didn’t think we were going on a break already.” He swore he could hear Harvey roll his eyes. “Have you gotten any sleep?”

_I just got to my room now, I’ve been in meetings all morning._

Mike dragged his hand over his face and groaned “Okay, how bad is it?”

_Bad, but not unfixable._

“Great.” Mike said “Anything I can do?”

_Yes, you can do the preparations for the meeting with Cassie Sanders about the corporate espionage case for Tuesday and then you can take the meeting if I don’t get back in time._

“Of course.” Mike answered, before he realized just exactly what it was Harvey was saying. So that was probably why Harvey hadn’t asked him to come with him. Mike was becoming so paranoid; he almost wanted to slap himself across the face. “We kissed.” He suddenly blurted out.

He could hear Harvey chuckle on the other line.

_Yes, we did._

“Without acting like an overacting freak…” Mike started “We were both really tired, and I was acting like a lunatic with abandonment issues, and if you want to forget the whole thing ever happened.”

_You are acting like an overreacting freak and yes, I am way too tired to discuss this, and no, I don’t want to forget it ever happened._

“Oh.” Mike said, as he suddenly realized that he had been pacing around the apartment and was now absentmindedly straightening the curtains in the living room. “Well, good, cause it was a great kiss.”

_Sure was, and if you weren’t such a psycho with abandonment issues it probably wouldn’t have happened so stop being so annoying and pat yourself on the back, because you’re lucky enough to have another chance at that._

Mike tried not to grin too wide at that, and swallowed before saying “Oh, really?”

_Yes, that is, if you stop acting so god damn pessimistic and thinking I regretted the whole thing and that was why I didn’t ask you to tag along._

“How did you-“

_I know you well enough by now._

“Well, I was having seriously flashbacks to when my prom date ditched me when I got your message.” Mike said as he went back to the kitchen and frowned when he realized that his cereal had become soggy. 

_Well, I am not ditching you and- Wait, your prom date stood you up?_

Mike groaned and threw his head back in irritation “Not exactly my point.”

_I’ll get this story out of you sooner or later-._

“I can’t wait.” Mike said with a seductive smile that he knew Harvey couldn’t even see.

_I have to catch a couple of hours of sleep, okay?_

“Of course.” Mike said, as he coughed a couple of times. “I should start prepping anyway.”

_Good luck, I’ll talk to you later._

“Yeah, you too.” Mike said and hung up the phone before things became awkward. He threw away his cereal and made himself a fresh bowl, which he devoured before getting dressed.

Now that he’d lost his chance at spending the day talking to Harvey, he decided to go outside and get to know the neighborhood before going into work and spend the day preparing for the case.

It really was a nice neighborhood, and he quickly found what would be his new favorite coffee shop, where they even made the decaf cappuccino taste delicious. There was a park nearby, and a grocery store close enough that he didn’t have to take the subway or the bus, which he was grateful for now that it was getting colder outside, and he would soon have to store away his bike for the winter.

After mapping out the essentials, he hailed a cab and went to the office. Whenever it didn’t get in the way for having potential plans he had, he loved going there on Sundays. It was quiet in the library, he could listen to music in his office without using earbuds, and there was no line by the copier.

The last person he expected to bump into on his way to the file room was Rachel.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” She asked with a smile as she caught sight of Mike.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He said “Harvey had to go to Staten Island, so he asked me to prep for a meeting on Tuesday.”

That’s when it hit him. He hadn’t even thought about what he would tell Rachel. The thought of Rachel finding out hadn’t even crossed his mind, and now he felt bad. Shouldn’t her feelings have been of a bigger concern for him? Mike knew that he didn’t owe her anything after what had happened, but he did consider himself a good enough person that he should have at least considered this.

“I thought I’d do some last minute studying here.” Rachel said “I prefer this library to the one at school.”

Mike nodded, suddenly feeling a bit flushed. “Sounds like a good plan.” He said “How is it going?”

“Good, I hope.” She replied, clearly too stressed to even notice that Mike was acting weird. “What was that about Staten Island?”

“The case took a bad turn, I think.”

“What?” Rachel asked “I was on that case, why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“They know you’re busy with finals.” Mike said “No one told me either-“ _I was just there when Jessica told Harvey in the middle of the night._ “- I mean, Harvey told me, course…” He said “Just you know, because I had to cover this meeting.”

“Right.” Rachel said, raising her eyebrows.

“He was already there when he called me.” Mike said “So I didn’t know either, until, like, this morning.” Was he even forming correct sentences at this point?

“Okay?” Rachel asked, and Mike wanted to kick himself for not being able to play anything cool. “Are you alright, Mike?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He said “I just needed to go and get the files on the client.” Mike said and pointed towards the file room. “I’ll see you later, good luck!” With that he swept past her and prayed that she wouldn’t call after him.

He didn’t go to the library, but instead spent the day in his office so he could avoid any more awkward conversations with Rachel. Mike hadn’t even had a chance to talk to Harvey about what they would tell people, so he couldn’t exactly tell her anything, but he didn’t want to lie if she suddenly asked either.

Mike knew where he stood on the subject though, and he didn’t want anyone to know. You announced relationships, and what Harvey and he had was definitely not a relationship. Mike had always been kind of a relationship-addict. With Tess in High school, with Jenny, with Rachel. Mike loved being in relationships, but after all the disasters, and broken hearts that he had caused and felt himself, he didn’t want that anymore.

Harvey had told him he liked him, and that had been more than enough for him. That was enough to keep their friendship, but still let things evolve and even though Mike had fussed up to the fact that he might have fallen for Harvey, he didn’t want them to be in love with each other. Then there was no turning back.

For once in his life, he was hoping for unrequited love.

Mike sighed as he went over his notes and prepped himself as best he could for the meeting. Cassie Sanders had been a client for six years, but she had never been in any trouble. She had come on as a client after her company had started making some real money and she wanted to secure herself financially, but she had never been in any legal trouble. Mike never even met the woman before, which was why he needed to make a good impression, seeing as she was used to meeting with Harvey or Louis.

He scribbled down some notes and put together a decent file, before getting ready for the interview and making sure that he would ask all the right questions so there would be no surprises later on. When he was finishing up for the day, he heard a knock on his door and he looked up to see Rachel standing there.

“What are you even listening to?” She asked with raised eyebrows and a smile. Mike turned off the music on his computer and leaned back in his chair.

“The _Casablanca_ soundtrack.” He answered “Helps me concentrate.”

She nodded once, like she didn’t really understand how that was the case, but pretended to know anyway.

“What’s up?” he asked her, trying not to sound like a complete mess this time.

“I was on my way home.” She said “I wondered if maybe you’d want to grab a bite to eat.”

Mike wasn’t expecting that, and he didn’t really know how to respond at first. “I still have some work to do here.” He lied.

“I get it.” Rachel said as she looked down at her feet for a moment before her focus went back on him. “This has been really hard.” She said, and he knew what she meant then.

“I know.” Mike said “For me too.”

“Then why are we doing it?” Rachel asked, and Mike had really hoped that this conversation never would be brought up, because he had been afraid at how weak he would be.

“I can’t go back, Rachel.” Mike said “I have to keep moving forward.”

She nodded, and Mike was glad that she didn’t cry, because he hated it when she cried.

“I still love you, you know.” Rachel said with a broken laugh and a shrug. Mike swallowed and nodded.

“I know.” He said, and Mike wanted to say that he loved her too, because of course he did, but he was afraid that if he said it, then it would only make things worse, and even though that was probably what Rachel wanted to hear, it wasn’t what she needed it she was ever supposed to move on. “I never doubted that.”

She smiled “Good.” She said.

“Hey.” Mike said, as Rachel was about to leave “It gets easier though, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” She said, genuinely “It does.”

“Bye.”

“Bye, Mike.”

Then she walked away, and Mike just sat there with an empty feeling in his chest and a reminder of how much it had hurt to lose her. Without even thinking about it, he grabbed his phone and dialed Harvey’s number.

Harvey groaned heavily as he threw his shit on the bed and dragged a hand over his face. They had somehow managed to save the merger, at least for now. George’s old partner was a piece of shit, and Harvey couldn’t wait to smoke both him and his lawyer.

For now, he really wanted to take a quick shower and look over Malone’s work before they were meeting George and Jameson for dinner to strategize. As soon as he found a warm towel and was ready to head into the bathroom though, his phone rang.

He groaned again, hoping that it wasn’t Jessica or Malone. When he picked it up and saw that the call was coming from Mike’s office though, he couldn’t help but be surprised.

“Hey.” He said as he answered and put the phone on speaker as he took the opportunity to put away his clothes. “What’s up?”

Harvey would be lying if he said that he wasn’t a bit worried about what had happened between him and Mike. Scotty and him had tried the whole friends with benefits thing, and then they had tried being in a relationship and neither had worked out, and he had barely spoken to her since. When Mike had shown up at his apartment in the middle of the night, babbling like he was dying, he had scared Harvey half to death.

Then Mike had kissed him, and Harvey wasn’t less terrified by that thought, but in the moment he had just been so overwhelmed and had kissed Mike back and it had been so amazing, that his worries had disappeared for a moment.

Then he had gotten the phone call, and had to leave for Staten Island. Harvey had felt guilty about calling Ray at four in the morning on a Sunday, so he had driven himself. He hadn’t even gotten out of Manhattan before he was cursing under his breath and wondering what the hell he had just done.

He’d had an entire hour of slow traffic to think about everything though, and had eventually calmed down and realized that this had to be a good thing and there could be no harm in trying. That kiss had had too much passion, and the moment had been too emotional for it to be a one-time thing. Besides, if it didn't work out, Harvey was confident that he and Mike could get through it, he had been able to move past it with Donna, after all, and now they were amazing together. 

“Hi, do you have a minute to talk?”

Harvey didn’t really like the sound of that.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update guys, I know i'm behind a week! I forgot my charger at my dorm room, and I'm visiting my family for Christmas, so I didn't get a new charger until yesterday. Sorry!   
> And there might be a few mistakes in this, because it's super late and i've been writing like crazy to give you guys an update. Love you!

«Thank you so much, Mike.» Cassie said as she gave Mike a brief hug, Mike patted her back a little awkwardly, but was more than happy for the gratitude.

“No problem, Cassie.” Mike replied “It’s my job after all.”

“The next time I’m in trouble, which hopefully will be never, I am definitely requesting you as my legal counsel.” She said.

Mike chuckled “Please say that to Harvey and Louis personally,” He said “I would love to see their faces.”

She shrugged “One of them can be second-chair.” Cassie said before shaking Mike’s hand “Really, thank you.”

“Again, no problem.” He replied “Good luck with your company.”

“Thank you.” Cassie said with an honest smile before she made her way out of Harvey’s office, smiling at Donna on her way out.

“Well, well, well.” Donna said as she entered the office and smiled at Mike “Looks like someone is getting good at playing with the big boys.”

Mike grinned, knowing he was looking pretty cocky at the moment. “Someone has to pick up the slack around here.”

“Speaking of, Harvey just called.” Donna said “I told him you were in with Cassie.”

“Okay.” Mike said “I’ll call him from my office.”

Donna looked like she really wanted to say something, but decided against it as she just nodded and walked back to her desk. Mike cocked his eyebrows at her when he walked past her, but she just smirked at him.

He bumped into Louis and Jessica on his way back to the office, cursing himself for not talking the long way around. He knew he had to get over it soon though, he couldn’t keep acting this childish at work. They were his bosses after all.

“Nice work with the case, Mike.” Jessica said “It was great how you managed to keep this out of the courtroom.”

Wow, two whole sentences with nothing but praise. Mike was almost worried.

“Thanks.” He said, before looking briefly at Louis before pointing towards his office “Harvey’s waiting for my call.”

“You can tell him that he better hurry the hell up and get his ass back here.” She said.

“Yes ma’am.” Mike said as he managed to walk past them without having to exchange a single word with Louis.

He closed the door to his office behind him and slumped down in his chair, took one spin around, before picking up the phone and dialing Harvey’s number.

“Hey.” Harvey said.

“Is your pants on fire yet?” Mike asked, as he started tyding up his desk.

“Is this your take on phone sex?” Harvey asked “Because I gotta tell you, it’s not doing much for me.”

“I meant since you are a big, fat liar.” Mike replied, rolling his eyes as he found a bunch of post-it’s with notes on them that didn’t make any sense. He threw them away.

“What?”

“You said you would be back no later than Tuesday night, and then you were supposed to be back yesterday.” Mike said “It’s Friday, Mr. Specter, shame on you.”

“I’ll be back tonight.” Harvey said “We’re just wrapping things up here.”

“I’ll see it when I believe it.”

Harvey groaned into the phone, and Mike couldn’t help but smile. “It’ll be late when I get back, so I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“You’ve fled the country, haven’t you?” Mike asked “You’re on the run with Malone, wait, have you guys eloped? Someone should tell Jessica.”

“I’ll be back _tonight.”_

“I’m going to take over your office, just so you know.”

“I’ll see you _tomorrow.”_

“I bet you looked beautiful in white.”

“Bye, Mike.”

“Bye, Harvey.” Mike said before hanging up and throwing his head back and spinning the chair around.

The rest of the day had gone surprisingly smooth. Mike had finished the paperwork for the case, talked to Jessica about what they would do if the case should catch some publicity (those talks were never fun, but Mike had learned to accept it), and Donna had been in a very good mood which often led to a better day in general. He stayed a little later than usual, and even Louis who was working on the finance side of the merger from hell had gone home.

“Walk with me, weirdo.” Donna had said, when Mike was packing up and was getting ready to leave for the night.

Mike grinned at her, as he grabbed his stuff and met up with her right outside of his office. “What is it, miss Paulsen?” He asked, as they made their way to the elevator.

“Harvey’s coming back tomorrow.” She said.

“So I’ve been told.” Mike replied and shrugged his shoulders, wondering where Donna was going with this.

Donna hummed a little as she pressed the elevator button and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “I talked to him last night.” She said, and then she just stared at him, and Mike took way too long before he realized what Donna was trying to coax out of him.

“Talked to him about-“

“I believe the right phrase is- bow chica bow ow.” She sing-sang, and laughed as she could tell that Mike was reddening, as he desperately looked around to make sure no one was listening. The elevator arrived, and Mike was not happy about it being empty, because that meant that Donna could continue the conversation inside.

Mike walked inside, and pressed the button and waited for the doors to close.

“Shut up.” Mike said when he could hear Donna snicker beside him.

“Frankly, I’m annoyed that he didn’t tell me right away.”

Mike looked at her then and tried to meet her eye, but she was perfectly happy with looking at the closed elevator doors.

“Why did he tell you last night?” Mike asked, more out of curiosity than anything else. “Because honestly, I thought he’d tell you right away, too.”

“He needed advice.” Donna said as she held up a finger “But that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t have told me, either way”

“Of course he would have.” Mike said, he never doubted that for a second. “Wait, advice about what?”

The elevator stopped and Donna walked out, looking over her shoulder and grinning at Mike. Mike on the other hand, did not find it even slightly amusing and all but ran after her. “Donna!” He hissed through his teeth, trying not to draw to much attention to them. “Advice about what?”

“Relax, rookie.”

“I’m not a rookie anymore.” Mike said “It’s annoying enough when Harvey calls me that.”

“Kinky.”

“You’re such a weirdo.” Mike said, shaking his head in disbelief. “But seriously though, what?”

Donna smirked at him, as if she knew something that Mike would kill to know as well, but then she just laughed and brushed it off with a light shove to Mike’s shoulder.

“It was a work thing.” She said “I just had to see the look on your face.”

“You’re cruel.” Mike said, his brows furrowed, “You are an ice queen.”

Donna laughed again as Mike opened the doors for her, and they walked out into the cold, evening air. New York at this time of year was a little rough, especially when Mike had been so busy that morning so he’d forgotten his coat.

“It’s late.” Mike said, as he turned his head and faced Donna who was standing next to him while putting on a pair of gloves. “You’ll take a cab home?”

She nodded, and walked to the edge of the sidewalk and easily hailed a cab. Mike almost frowned. Almost.

“You did great today, Mike.” Donna said after she turned around to face him, he smiled at her and walked over and opened the door for her.

“Thanks.” He said “And thanks for staying behind and double-checking everything for me.”

“How did you-“

“I know you pretty well too, you know.” He said with a wink, and she smiled at him before getting into the cab.

“Oh, and Mike.” She said, stopping him from closing the door behind her. “You and Harvey, I think it’s a good thing.”

Mike cocked his head to the side then, a little surprised that she would think that. Mostly because he knew how protective she was of Harvey, and they both knew the hundreds of way this thing between them could turn ugly.

“Just be careful.” She said “He might not show it, but he’s heart’s a lot more fragile than you would think.”

He nodded once, not really knowing what to say.

“He’s not a rebound.” Donna stated, and Mike nodded again, this time with a smile.

“No, he’s not.” He answered, and Donna smiled at him once before scooting more into the cab, and Mike grinned at her.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said before closing the door, Donna waved at him through the window before the cab drove off.

Mike just stood there for a while as he watched the cars passing by, and the streets around him were unusually quiet. He should probably try to get a cab as well, but it was like he was standing frozen from the words Donna had told him. He’d never considered Harvey a rebound, he was his best friend, and he had real feelings for him, even though it still scared the crap out of him just thinking about him. There was no turning back now, and if Mike was really honest with himself, he didn’t want to.

He was wondering what Donna and Harvey had discussed when it came to his and Harvey’s development in their relationship.

“You need a ride?”

Mike must have been staring into nothing, because when he focused and heard a familiar voice, he was suddenly looking directly at Harvey who was standing in front of his car.

“Harvey.” He said, and instantly grinned. The fact that he couldn’t help but smile so hugely just because he was _there_ was scary, but also fantastic at the same time.

“What are you doing, standing out here in the cold?” He asked.

“Donna just left.” Mike said and pointed down the street, as if that was a good enough explanation. “I thought I wouldn’t see you until tomorrow.”

“We finished early.” Harvey said “Thought I’d drop of some stuff here on my way home, when I saw you here looking like you’re on some really good drugs.”

Mike frowned, and Harvey laughed. Mike then walked towards him, standing a little closer than what they usually did. “I’d love a ride.” Mike said, trying to sound really smooth, but then realizing he was a complete dork and wanted to kick himself when he realized what he had said.

Harvey started laughing, and actually had to cover his mouth so he wouldn’t look like an idiot. Mike first became bright red and embarrassed, but then he just started laughing again.

“Yeah, okay.” Harvey said, still chuckling as he opened the door and gestured for Mike to get in. It was okay, maybe they were both dorks.

“So everything is finally starting to settle down now?” Mike asked as they were driving through the city, making their way through the busy streets.

“With the merger, yes.” Harvey said “It was a close call though, glad we were able to sort it out.”

Mike nodded, as he couldn’t agree more. Even though he loved complicated cases that really challenged him, some days it was the last thing they needed. The ‘make them or break them’ moments were happening more and more frequently and it was a little unsettling.

“Jessica told me how you handled the espionage case with Cassie.” Harvey said, and leaned back in his seat and tightened his grip on the steering wheel a bit as they turned a corner. “Nice job of keeping everything out of the media and avoiding court.”

“The compliments just won’t stop lately.” Mike said, as he barely even registered the fact that Jessica apparently had praised him to Harvey. “I should have started fooling around with you ages ago.”

“Would have made all-nighters at work a lot more enjoyable.” Harvey answered smoothly, as he turned his head to smirk at Mike. “Although we agreed-“

“No mixing business with pleasure?” Mike asked, already knowing where Harvey was heading with this, since he had been thinking about it a lot himself, and he had also gotten a few hints from Donna’s behavior, that Harvey might have been worrying about it as well.

“Has rarely ended well in my experience.” Harvey said.

“Ditto.” Mike replied, as he suddenly had to fight the urge to move closer to Harvey as his lips looked very tempting as he smirked. As it would most likely cause a major traffic accident though, Mike was able to stay put in his seat. “You told Donna about us?”

“You surprised?” Harvey asked, almost at once, like he had been expecting the question.

“Not really, just thought I’d have a say in who we would tell.” Mike said teasingly, he was awful at pretending to be offended, he didn’t even know why he tried. “I’m actually surprised she didn’t know before we did.”

“She had her suspicions.” Harvey said then, and Mike let out a laugh.

“I knew it!” Mike said “That woman can be scary sometimes.”

“Tell me about it.” Harvey answered “But brilliant.”

Mike hummed in agreement, as he looked out the window for a moment as he took in all the lights and sounds from outside. Sometimes it all seemed like a different world out there.

“Do you need a ride to work tomorrow?” Harvey asked, and Mike smiled at him, even though Harvey’s attention was on the traffic in front of them.

“It’s getting colder out.” Mike said “I wouldn’t mind.”

“Great.” Harvey said, and there wasn’t much heat behind his words. Mike wished he could bring himself to just tell Harvey to get them both back to either his own or Harvey’s place, and then they could spend the night together. Both so they could talk, but hopefully also for more enjoyable activities. He knew Harvey was tired though, and it would just be stressful the next day before work to get to the other one’s place to change clothes, and so on.

“Are you free this weekend?” Mike asked then, as he realized Harvey in his own way was trying to go the extra mile with compliments on his work and offering him both a ride home _and_ for work the next day.

Harvey smiled then, but kept his eyes on the road. “I don’t have any plans.” He said.

Mike wasn’t really sure where to go from there, since he wasn’t even sure what they were aiming for in this change in their relationship. Dating, but not exclusively? Could that be the most accurate term? He didn’t want to see anyone else though, and he wasn’t sure how he would feel if Harvey did either. But he had also promised himself that a serious relationship would be too much for him right now, and that he wasn’t going to take the risk of ruining everything between them. Mike cursed himself for letting the situation become even more complicated than it had been when he had first crashed his lips into Harvey’s.

“You want to do something?” Mike asked.

“Sure.” Harvey said. “Sounds fun.”

Harvey was still a little quiet, and Mike was just dying to pick his brain and ask him what he was thinking about, but didn’t want to seem too curious either. Before everything that had happened lately, Mike wouldn’t have hesitated to ask and pry until Harvey either caved or yelled at him, but things were different now.

Even though the important things hadn’t changed, a lot of the little things had. Mike just had to learn to get used to how he would approach situations now that there were more variables to consider.

“Spit it out, Harvey.” Mike said, with a smile. “A penny for your thoughts.”

“I was just thinking about this week.” Harvey said “Sorry, lot on my plate lately.”

“I get that.” Mike said with a nod, even though he felt like there was something Harvey wasn’t sharing with the rest of the class.

“Why did you call me about Rachel wanting to get back together with you?” Harvey asked. There it was. Mike almost wanted to smile even wider, if it wasn’t for the fact that it would be very inappropriate right now.

“I told you on Sunday.” Mike said “I have a bad habit of calling you when shit hits the fan.”

“I wouldn’t call it that.” Harvey answered.

“It wasn’t fair of me, I know.” Mike said, crossing his legs and looking down at his knees for a second “It’s just…”

“What?” Harvey asked.

“I don’t have anyone else.” Mike said. “I needed to talk to someone and it was stupid of me to even-“ He didn’t even know where this was going and he needed to stop himself before he said something stupid. “Sorry” he mumbled.

To his surprise though, Harvey smiled at him when he dared to look him in the eye.

“I don’t mind you calling me when you’re at a loss.” Harvey said.

“Thanks.” Mike replied “But if we are going to try…. This.” He said with a nervous chuckle as he gestured between them. “Then some things are going to have to change between us, starting with me not calling you about problems with my ex-girlfriend.”

“I thought you said it wasn’t a problem.” Harvey said, and Mike smiled again. It really hadn’t been, the second he had heard Harvey’s voice there had been no doubt that he didn’t want Rachel back anymore.

“It’s not.” Mike said as he placed a palm on Harvey’s thigh, almost chuckling when Harvey seemed to shudder. “I don’t want to be with her anymore.”

Harvey smiled as he stopped the car, and Mike first thought they were at a red light or a stop sign before realizing they were right outside of his apartment.

“Oh.” He said, as he looked out the window. “Still not used to living here.” He said as an excuse, even though he had let his mind wander and hadn’t been sure how long they had even been in the car.

“You will.” Harvey said, as he turned a little bit in his seat to face Mike.

“I’m glad you’re home.” Mike said with a smile then, and again, he wondered why this didn’t even feel weird. The two of them. Just Mike and Harvey.

“Me too.” Harvey said, and then to make sure it wouldn’t get awkward, Mike leaned forward. He was careful and leaned in slowly, so that Harvey would catch the drift, and hopefully would meet him halfway.

They were as in-sync with this as with everything else, unsurprisingly, and Harvey had moved almost the second that Mike had, and their lips met halfway. It was different from the first time, and Mike realized that he really liked that. It was more careful, no rush or clash of teeth or tongue, and Harvey’s tasted slightly like peppermint, instead of morning breath like he had the first time.

“I can get used to that.” Mike said as he leaned back and rested his forehead on Harvey’s. Harvey chuckled and nodded.

“Yeah.” He said as he leaned back in his seat and smiled at him. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“Good night, Harvey.” Mike said as he opened the door.

“Night, Mike.” Harvey said.

As he watched Harvey drive away, Mike felt like there was an unanswered question in the air, but things were good, and that was enough for now.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. I know I was behind on this chapter as well, but hopefully it will be worth it. I am back at my dorm now so my routines will soon get better and i will make sure to give you guys an update each week.. Thanks for sticking with me!

Harvey had picked up Mike at his apartment before work the next morning, and had made some snarky remark about Mike actually being on time for once, which was absolute bullshit because Mike was usually on time. Usually. Mike had replied with telling Harvey that if he hadn’t took so long in Staten Island with the merger, they wouldn’t have to go into work on a Saturday. Harvey called him an asshole. Things were good.

Their day at work went great, Harvey had a partner’s meeting in the morning, and Mike got the chance to clean up his office and stop by Rachel’s office with some coffee to make sure everything was okay between them before the actual work started.

Mike was catching up with the latest office gossip with Donna when Harvey came back from his meeting and beckoned them to come inside his office with him.

“What’s up?” Mike asked before Donna had a chance to, and Mike was guessing that both of them were praying for some good news.

“There’s going to be a party next weekend.” He said.

“Yes, the charity event.” Donna said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Mike was wondering if she also had a photographic memory when it came to calendars and appointments.

“Exactly.” Harvey said as he sat down by his desk.

“What event?” Mike asked, he on the other hand, was never good at keeping up with these sort of things.

Harvey turned his attention to him then. “Jessica thought it would be a good idea to show the world, meaning our competitors and our clients that the firm is still strong even though we change our name and managing partners every other week.” He said as he rolled his eyes.

“So what’s the problem?”

“There’s no problem, really.” Harvey said “Even though it seems to be looking more and more like a celebration in Louis’ honor than a charity event.”

“Are you mad because no one threw you a party when you got promoted?” Mike teased, and Harvey just glared at him.

“I am mad because that weasel might think he deserves any of it.” Harvey said, and Mike looked to Donna who just shrugged at him, like she thought Mike should be the one to say something.

“He’s a good lawyer.”

“He’s an ass.” Harvey said, but then decided the conversation as over “Anyway, we got a case.”

“A good one?” Mike asked in anticipation, it had been a while since he and Harvey had worked a good case together, just the two of them.

“I thought you were still working on the merger?” Donna asked, and Harvey nodded.

“We are, or Louis and Malone is.” He said “There’s only some financial bumps left, then everything should be all ready to go, they can handle it just fine.”

“So what have we got?” Mike asked as he clasped his hands together “An athlete allegedly on drugs, tampering with evidence, a hostile company takeover? Oh!” He said and pointed to Harvey “A murder?”

“There’s something seriously wrong with you.” Donna said “You need to get out more.”

“You’ve become way too spoiled.” Harvey said as he threw the file to Mike who grabbed it with one hand and then grinned victoriously like he had just made the winning shot in basketball. “How about a good, old fashioned wrongful termination lawsuit?”

“I do love the classics.” Mike said.

“Great.” Harvey said “Donna, reschedule my lunch appointment.”

“You don’t have a lunch appointment.”

“Couldn’t you just have pretended?” Harvey asked, and Mike almost had to laugh at the two of them, sometimes they were worse than siblings.

“What are your lunch plans?” Donna asked.

“I’m going out with Jessica.”

“Business or pleasure?”

“The way things are going, I bet you can guess.” Harvey said and Donna smiled at him before she went back to her desk.

“If it was me you were taking out I could have provided both, just so you know.” Mike said as he was still going through the case file.

“Are you flirting with me?” Harvey asked, clearly more amused than curious, but Mike was in too good of a mood to do anything but continuing with his ridiculous attempt at being somewhat sexy.

“I love those pants.” He said “They’re working for you.”

“Really?” Harvey asked with a grin as he leaned back in his chair.

“They’re working for me too.”

Harvey laughed, but it was genuine and heartwarming kind, not the ‘you are embarrassing yourself, I feel bad for you’ kind.

“We’re meeting with the client at ten.” Harvey said “Be prepared.”

“Always am.” Mike said as he held up the file before walking away, and suddenly remembered how things used to be when he had first gotten to the firm. Harvey and him usually went over the basics of every case together, before Harvey would have to instruct him specifically what to do and then Mike would sit at his cubicle for hours preparing like a maniac.

Things were so different now, Harvey rarely had to tell him what to do or how to prepare when it came to meeting a client, Mike now knew what he needed to look into and what questions to prepare without Harvey having to hold his hand the entire time to make sure he did everything right.

Mike really was proud of himself, and even though things were still tense at the firm, he felt like his life wasn’t falling apart anymore, far from it actually. The thing with Louis had sort of run it’s course, and even though Mike was still nervous Louis might do something, he felt like there wasn’t anything more he could do about the situation. It did bother him though that Louis had started letting his guard down and was showing himself as an actual human being, when he had found out about Mike and now he was afraid they would never get along ever again.

Things with Rachel seemed okay too, she had been nice to him that morning and had apologized for her behavior the other night, even though Mike felt like there was nothing to apologize for. Then they had talked about her finals, and Mike had given her a few pointers and she had laughed and joked that he wasn’t exactly the person she would take law school tips from.

Harvey. The situation with Harvey was still… To be defined. Mike didn’t mind though. He was having fun, he liked whatever it was that was going on between them, he _really_ enjoyed kissing the other man, and from what he could sense, Harvey was enjoying things between them too. Besides, even if things didn’t work out, they weren’t the first platonic friends or colleagues that had gone down that road.

It would be okay.

Harvey and Mike would always be okay.

The meeting went smoothly, and Mike was confident in their case. It was nice after the mess with the merger, that Mike was able to close the case with Cassie, and that they now had a case that seemed like a win-situation. In Mike’s experience though, those were usually the ones you had to look out for.

“You think we should talk to this Kelly Roberts guy?” Mike asked as he looked over his notes, the second Harvey came through the door.

“Why are you in my office?” Harvey replied, and Mike looked up at him like he had been so consumed in his work that he hadn’t even realized where he was.

“Oh.” Mike said, as he noticed the lunch he had ordered was going cold on the table in front of him. “My office is cold.”

“Turn the heater on.”

“It’s broken.” Mike said, “I called maintenance.”

“Better that than you trying to fix it yourself like you did with my sink.” Harvey replied as he took off his jacket and sat down next to Mike on the couch. “Who’s Kelly Roberts again?”

“The alleged witness.” Mike replied “I say he’s full of shit.”

“Me too.” Harvey said, and Mike almost shivered as Harvey leaned in closer as he grabbed the file from Mike. His body was cold and his hair was a little wet. It had probably been raining, but not enough that he bothered to grab an umbrella.

“So what do you wanna do tonight?” Harvey asked, while still reading through the work Harvey had done while he had been at lunch with Jessica.

“What?” Mike asked, before realizing that they weren’t still talking about the case. “Oh, I don’t know, you just got back, what do you want to do?”

Harvey grabbed a pen and started writing little notes and commentaries on the copies of Mike’s work. “I’ve eaten out for the last week, you mind staying in tonight? I could cook.”

“I’ll pick the movies.”

“Just like old times.”

Mike grinned “Just like old times.”

Being nervous about going to Harvey’s apartment was nothing new to Mike, he could remember several times when he came there as the bearer of bad news or jus upset about something. Only this time things were different, he had _lived_ in that apartment for months, it was like a second home to him and it just seemed ridiculous to be nervous about going there now.

Harvey didn’t seem nervous though, and was talking about everything that happened in Staten Island on their way home, and about his lunch meeting with Jessica on their elevator ride up to Harvey’s apartment. Things seemed normal.

 _They are normal,_ Mike had to keep reminding himself, because they were.

“Is it weird that I miss this place?” Mike asked as he hung his jacket on the same hook he had used when he had lived there, and kicked off his shoes.

“I’d be offended if you didn’t.” Harvey said as he started rummaging through the fridge.

“Do you even have any food?” Mike asked, knowing that he probably didn’t go the store after he got home the night before.

“Donna re-stocked it for me.” Harvey replied.

“You should really give that woman a raise.”

“She writes her own bonus checks.” Harvey said as he peaked out from the door of the fridge “I think she manages just fine.”

Mike wished he could write his own bonus checks, not that Harvey hadn’t been generous enough about that in the past. He just had to keep earning it.

“Need any help?” Mike asked as Harvey started getting stuff out of the fridge and cabinets.

Making dinner together was something they used to do when Mike had been living there, granted they mostly ordered take-out after a long day at work, but they both still appreciated a good home-cooked meal every now and then.

They were in-sync with pretty much everything in their life, but when it came to cooking, that was never the case. They bumped into each other and grabbed for the same items, spilled stuff and was unable to organize their own tasks without sticking their noses in what the other one was doing.

“You just cut the damn onion and lay off my carrots.” Harvey said grumpily as Mike once again looked over his shoulder to see what he was doing.

“They have to be about the same size.”

“Which is why I told you that I should do it.” Harvey replied, and Mike couldn’t help but smile without even knowing why. He then put his head on Harvey’s shoulder and tenderly kissed the side of his neck.

“Forgive me?” He asked, innocently, before kissing the side of his jaw.

Harvey hummed, before slowly turning his head to look at Mike. “Maybe.” He said before leaning in to kiss Mike on the lips. Mike wasn’t sure if he would ever get used to it, but maybe that was a good thing. Both because it kept things exciting, and because it would feel too heavy in his heart if he actually got used to the feeling and taste of Harvey’s lips.

They weren’t supposed to fall in love. That was the deal.

Mike leaned back a little and smirked at Harvey. “Your butter is burning.”

Harvey cursed and all but pushed Mike away, but not before blaming him for distracting him. Mike was looking forward to distracting Harvey in all kinds of ways in all kinds of places.

They watched _School of Rock_ , which was out of the ordinary since it wasn’t the kind of movie they would usually watch together.

“It’s one of my favorites.” Mike said “Guilty pleasure I suppose.”

“I wonder why.” Harvey said as he sat his empty plate on the coffee table and leaned back. “A guy posing to be something he’s not so he can get a job to get some cash and-“

“I’m gonna stop you right there.” Mike said as he held up a hand, and took a sip of his wine. “I know what you’re getting at, and I am _offended_ that you think I am in this for the cash.”

He knew that his words had no meaning though, since he was unable to mask the fact that he really wasn’t mad at all, just teasing.

“You needed the money.”

“For my grandmother.” Mike said “Doesn’t count, I was trying to be a good grandson.”

“You were.” Harvey answered with a smile. “Besides, I wouldn’t compare you to Jack Black.”

“Because I’m way hotter, right?” Mike asked, almost tempted to wiggle his eyebrows.

“Way.” Harvey replied with a confident grin, and Mike was so amazed that even when Harvey was the one handing out the compliments, he still looked like he was the one being praised.

Mike smiled and leaned in to kiss Harvey again, completely forgetting about the movie on the screen and the parents freaking out when they realized their kids were missing. Kissing Harvey quickly turned into something more, like Harvey was trying to swallow Mike’s last breath. It wasn’t just lust, it was want, and desire and heat. Mike literally felt like he was on fire as Harvey wrapped himself around Mike and pushed him down on the couch, kissing his lips and carefully biting on his bottom lip like the end of the world was just around the corner.

It was unlike anything Mike had ever felt before, and he was so scared because he knew it wouldn’t last forever. Why had he been so stupid that he had fallen in love with Harvey?

The thoughts were pushed away though as their tongues entwined and nothing else mattered than the two of them, right there in that moment. All Mike could really think of was _more._

It hadn’t been part of the plan, but screw the stupid plan. Mike broke free from Harvey’s mouth only long enough to take a breath before he was kissing him again, his palms on Harvey’s ass, drawing him impossibly closer.

Harvey moaned, and Mike let one hand go up his back, his neck before settling in his hair. Harvey gasped free then.

“Bedroom?” he said on a gasp, as he too seemed to have trouble breathing. Mike didn’t even think about replying, just nodded desperately and Harvey grabbed Mike’s hands and got both of them up from the floor. They didn’t even make it half-way to the bedroom before Harvey’s hands were on his body again, and his lips crashing into Mike.

They were maneuvering blindly through the apartment they both knew so well, crashing into walls while shirts and belts were discarded somewhere along the way. Had they undressed each other, or themselves? Mike couldn’t even tell.

They reached the bedroom and Mike pushed Harvey on the bed before straddling him, and Harvey started kissing his way down Mike’s way, cursing the t-shirt Mike was still wearing. That small bump in the road broke Mike away from his trance though, and he remembered all the questions that he wanted to ask Harvey before they went any further, but as Harvey found that spot behind his ear that drove him crazy, there was just one that couldn’t wait until later.

“Wait.” Mike gasped, and swallowed heavily as he tried to re-learn how to speak. “Have you done this before?” he asked.

“Are you asking me if I’m a virgin?” Harvey asked back, almost wanting to laugh but seemed unable to in the current situation.

“I mean with a guy.” Mike asked, and swallowed again as he felt his whole body all but shudder, if it was with need or want or anticipation, he couldn’t tell. Harvey could feel it too though, and drew Mike closer as if he was warming him, or keeping him steady, making sure he never left.

Mike had never known it was possible for another person to make someone feel so wanted.

“Kind of.” Harvey said “College, there was a guy, but we never actually had sex, well-“ he said, stopping himself as he cocked his head to the side. “Not that kind that you’re asking about anyway.”

“Oh.” Mike answered.

“Disappointed?” Harvey asked, and even though it sounded like a general question, Mike could all but feel the fear in his entire body. Like Mike would ever want to leave, like Harvey had ever disappointed him to the point where they couldn’t fix it.

“Never.” Mike said and kissed him again, this time slow and tenderly. He only pulled back a little and rested his forehead against Harvey’s. “We don’t have to do _that_ now either, but when we do, because we will-“

Harvey grinned at that.

“It’ll be fun for me to teach you something for a change.” He said and Harvey grinned hugely at him before wrapping his arms around Mike once more. Mike just wanted to kiss him like that, to feel every emotion through the taste of Harvey’s lips, to know that this brilliant, fantastic man wanted _him._ Harvey who had chosen him more times than Mike was probably aware of, had picked him again, and it was such an amazing feeling that Mike’s entire body almost started to shake.

He got his t-shirt over his head and threw it to the floor, before he helped Harvey do the same. Never stopping to think about how unreal it was that they were both there, never wondering if they should wait, never once thinking it was wrong.

They were both hard and aching, and Mike hadn’t even realized he was on his knees on the floor in front of Harvey until he all but needed help to get rid of the constricting buttons on Harvey’s pants.

“I’m a bit out of practice.” Mike said, even though Harvey looked like he would die and go to heaven no matter how this would play out.

“It’s okay.” Harvey said “We’ve got all weekend to get back on our feet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have some more Harvey's pov since a lot of you requested that.


	22. Chapter 22

Harvey was staring up at the ceiling, his vision still a little blurry and well aware of how his sweaty body was sticking to the sheets, he was even more aware of the equally sweaty and breathless Mike lying next to him.

“So, that was just completely awful.” Mike joked next to him, and Harvey laughed.

“Yeah, we’re never doing that again.” Harvey replied, as he turned his head and grinned at Mike. It was almost an unreal feeling to have a naked and fucked-out Mike next to him. He’d had relationships in the workplace before, especially Zoe and Scottie came to mind, but everything was different with Mike. Everything had always been different with Mike.

“It’s morning.” Mike said, as it wasn’t completely obvious by the way the sun was shining through the curtains.

“Good job, detective.” Harvey said “What was your first clue?”

“Wow, even post-sex you are still a douche.” Mike said, but there was no heat behind the words as he ran a hand through his sweaty hair, Harvey couldn’t help but stare at the way it was sticking up in every possible direction and wondered about the state of his own hair.

“Is this your version of pillow talk?” Harvey asked “Very sweet.”

Mike did the mature thing and stuck his tongue out, and even though he tried not to, Harvey couldn’t help but laugh. He was more than tired, and it felt like he had only had a couple of hours of sleep before Mike had woken him up again, in the most pleasant way possible, complaining about not being able to fall asleep.

“I don’t suppose you’re going to offer me some coffee?” Mike asked.

Harvey stretched out on his side and rested his head in the crook of his own elbow. “You know where’ the coffee maker is.” He said. “Or are you too sore to move?”

“Actually I could need some ice for all the bruises.” Mike said while rolling his eyes.

“Shut up.”

“You elbowed me in the stomach.” Mike said “The man did not live up to his reputation.” He said and Harvey frowned at him, before he in one swift move, was straddling Mike, and pinning his hands to the mattress.

“Say that again, with a little more conviction this time.” Harvey said, while smirking proudly as Mike gulped and took a deep breath.

Harvey knew that Mike had been joking. Sure, they had hit a couple of bumps in the road while learning to explore each other’s bodies, and Mike introducing him to things he had never tried before, but there was no way he was letting Mike get away with saying it was anything less of fantastic, because he remembered every moan and praise that had escaped Mike’s mouth.

“Fine, _Reginald_.” Mike said as he kissed Harvey’s nose. “You were amazing.”

“Damn right.” Harvey replied as he leaned down and kissed Mike on the lips, drawing it out a moment longer than he had to.

“What am I then?” Mike asked “Packed meat?”

Harvey shrugged “You were okay.”

Mike punched him in the arm. “Fine, you won’t have to endure with me any longer then.” He said as he tried to push Harvey off him, but Harvey wouldn’t budge as he leaned down and kissed him again.

“I was kidding, rookie.” Harvey said, making a point of it, even though he was sure Mike already knew.

“Who was the rookie last night, huh?” Mike asked with a cocky grin.

“I need a shower.” He said, not bothering to answer Mike’s question as he rolled off Mike and got out of bed.

Mike was stretching happily, taking in the sight of a naked Harvey when he turned around and looked at Mike. “You coming?”

Mike immediately jumped out from bed “Yes, sir!”

When they had first decided to give this not-dating-but-more-than-friends thing a go, Mike had always imagined that after their first time of spending the night together, that he would just gather his clothes and sneak off, or maybe get a cup of coffee and a quick kiss and then leave quietly.

Mike certainly didn’t expect to wake up with Harvey and never wanting to leave, he had only been afraid that he might feel that way.

They took their time in the shower, not doing anything more than kissing and washing the remains of the night before off their bodies. Mike had barely slept, as they had been too preoccupied with other activities and talking about nothing and everything.

Almost like a real relationship, except it wasn’t. They were the exception the rule, just like always.

Mike was more than happy that he was allowed to drink caffeine again, because he had really missed that bitter taste first thing in the morning. He just needed be careful and not overdo it and land himself on the floor of the office again.

“I love coffee.” Mike said with a sloppy grin on his face, as if he was high on something.

“You’ve said that already.” Harvey replied as he dug into his eggs.

“It’s true.” Mike said “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.”

Harvey laughed “I am not sure the guy was talking about coffee.”

“What, did you know him?” Mike asked “You don’t what he was thinking.”

“Are you high?”

“Yes.” Mike replied, in his know-it-all voice “I am on a sex-high, feel free to join me at any time.”

Harvey grinned “I’ll keep you to that.”

Mike winked at him before finishing his plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. “We should have eaten in bed.”

“I don’t like crumbs.”

“You need to wash those sheets anyway.” Mike said, and finished his cup of coffee. Harvey didn’t answer, just cocked his head to the side and smirked seductively at Mike. “Do you still have cocoa puffs?”

“You just ate.”

“It’s dessert.” Mike said, like it was something he felt like pointing out more than once. Cocoa puffs was amazing, it could be eaten any time of the day and he was damned if he would let Harvey degrade the wonder that was his favorite cereal.

“You are very protective of a bowl of sugar.” Harvey said. “If you didn’t eat it all while staying here then I guess it’s still in the cabinet.”

Mike shrugged and got up to look, as he was searching through the cabinets he grinned when he found exactly what he was looking for.

“Jackpot!” Mike said as he held up an unopened box of Cocoa puffs and grinned in triumph. “You got me another box, didn’t you?”

“I haven’t had a chance to shop since you left, remember?” Harvey asked as he got their plates and put them in the kitchen sink. “Donna must have gotten it for you.”

“I love that woman.” Mike said “It has it’s perks that she knows about our, let me quote _‘bow chicka bow ow’_.”

“Speaking of.” Harvey said as he continued cleaning up after their breakfast, and smiling when Mike decided to help him. “What are you going to tell Rachel?”

Mike stopped in his tracks as he wasn’t expecting the question, before mumbling a “Uhh…” and Harvey cocked his eyebrows at him. “I didn’t think I would have to tell her anything?” Mike asked, as he really thought that was the case. Sure, it had been awkward when he had suddenly been standing face to face with Rachel after he had first kissed Harvey, but that was because he hadn’t had a chance to think it through. Harvey and him weren’t dating, they were just trying something out, and the more people he would have to tell and explain that to, the more complicated the situation would become.

Besides, Rachel wasn’t just his ex-girlfriend, she was also their co-worker and things would get messy, on the other hand, it would be awful if she found out from someone else. Mike didn’t owe her anything after how they had ended things, but he also knew that if he she _did_ find out that he and Harvey were sleeping together from someone else, then they would probably never have a chance to be friends.

Mike groaned out loud, why did everything in his life have to be so complicated? No, scratch that. Why did he had to make everything in his life so complicated?

“Donna wanted to know.” Harvey said, but there was something unsaid left in the air. “She doesn’t want to lie to Rachel, and it puts her in an awkward position.”

“Right.” Mike answered. “I don’t know.”

“Well, if it’s not _worth telling.”_ Harvey said, and Mike smiled at how offended Harvey sounded. Like there was anything unworthy about Harvey.

“I didn’t mean it like that, grumpy.” Mike said as he put the orange juice back in the fridge before sneaking his arms around Harvey’s waist and kissing the side of his neck, like had done the night before. Clearly, it was just as effective this time and Mike grinned against Harvey’s jawbone. “I’ll tell her.”

He didn’t know why he had said that, it was probably because Harvey had been upset and he always wanted to fix that whatever way he could. Mike was terrified of whatever it was that meant. How could they do this thing when it was now so clear to Mike that he was undeniably in love with Harvey Specter. He shivered at the thought and Harvey turned around in his arms and palmed his cheek.

“Hey, you don’t have to.” He said and Mike laughed a little, wishing he could pull away, but all he could do was close the distance between them and kiss Harvey like his life depended on it, and in many ways it felt like it did. It grew desperate too fast, and Harvey grabbed his shoulders and stopped him in suspicion.

“You okay?” He asked, and Mike nodded and kissed him again.

“Don’t stop.” He whispered against Harvey’s lips a he started pulling on Harvey’s T-shirt, dragging him back towards the bedroom, but not wanting to stop kissing Harvey for a second. “Don’t stop.” He kept begging as he fell down on the bed, not knowing what else to say or do and he realized that he was probably freaking Harvey out, just like the night when Mike had come to his apartment and kissed him.

“Mike.” Harvey moaned as Mike got Harvey’s T-shirt over his head before getting rid of his own. He stopped begging, didn’t say anything as he pushed Harvey back on the bed and reclaimed his lips. Harvey moaned again, and then Mike started kissing his way down Harvey’s chest, smelling the soap from the shower they had taken earlier.

He stopped briefly to tug off the sweatpants and boxers Harvey had thrown on after the shower, before getting up from the bed only long enough to discard his own clothes. He felt cold the instant he left Harvey’s arms.

“Come here.” Harvey said seductively, like Mike wasn’t already his in every way possible.

 _Don’t do this to yourself, Mike. You’re breaking your own heart._ A voice kept saying as he was back on top of Harvey, straddling his hips and kissing his neck, Harvey’s warm hands roaming all over his back. He tried ignoring the voice of self-doubt that only seem to grow louder the more Harvey touched him, but it was impossible.

“What do you want?” Mike asked, his voice husky with want, like he was touching Harvey for the first time. “Tell me.” He said, but didn’t give Harvey an opportunity to answer as he palmed his face and kissed him again.

“This.” Harvey answered in-between kisses “I just want this.”

Mike rose, but still straddling Harvey’s hips and Harvey’s mouth followed his until they were both sitting upright. It only lasted for a moment though, as Harvey put his arms around Mike and guided him to his back on the bed, same positions they had been the night before. He climbed on top of Mike and then stopped a minute to breathe him in, probably trying to figure out why Mike was acting so weird.

Mike didn’t want him to think about it, didn’t want to think about anything else than the fact that if this was as good as it would ever get then that would be enough.

Mike gasped as Harvey kissed his cheekbones, and then made his way down his jaw and to his neck, out of the corner of his eye, Mike could see Harvey dig into the nightstand drawer with the hand that wasn’t currently on Mike’s hip.

_It was just a shot_

_You’re not supposed to fall in love with each other_

_Not a relationship_

The voice was ringing in his head, and they just wouldn’t stop, even as Harvey was preparing him. They only grew louder and louder, and the more Mike tried not to think about it and only focus on Harvey, the words just blurred together. With every touch he could feel himself falling harder in love, and the voice in his head turned to screams. Was he going insane?

“Mike.” Harvey said softly, and Mike almost whined when he felt the absence of Harvey’s fingers inside of him. “Shh.”

He was still shaking.

“Come on.” He said on a breath, entwining his fingers in Harvey’s hair. Harvey rested his forehead on Mike’s and positioned himself.

Mike had been with men before, but never like this. Harvey was amazing, and tender, and beautiful. He was Harvey. His Harvey.

_They were the exception. As always._

Wonderful Harvey who had never once let him down, even when Mike was stubborn enough to think that he did. Harvey who protected him and made him feel like he was worth something, Harvey who didn’t see him as a fraud, but as an amazing lawyer, Harvey who had been upset about Mike not wanting to tell Rachel about them, because he was worried? Jealous? Mike didn’t know, didn’t’ want to know.

“Promise me something.” Mike said before swallowing, not even knowing how he was able to speak at all with his heart threatening to beat it’s way out of his chest.

“Anything.” Harvey replied, almost with a groan, and Mike couldn’t blame him.

“ _Promise me you won’t fall in love with me_.” Mike whispered, so low that he was unsure if Harvey could even hear him.

He had though, because Harvey stopped his movements for a moment and just looked at Mike who probably looked terrified, and happy and broken all at the same time.

Harvey didn’t answer though, instead he just leaned in and kissed him.

Mike wasn’t sure if he wanted that to be the promise or not.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Mike might be a little more fucked up and emotionally damaged than he let's on. Thank you for sticking with me you guys, I am back on track and I think I will be able to keep updating every Sunday.   
> Also, my smut writing sucks, but I am working on it so it'll probably be more... details in future chapters!


	23. Chapter 23

«I think this is a good thing.» Harvey had said afterwards “Us.”

Mike had nodded in agreement, and kissed Harvey chastely on the lips. They had slept for hours, still exhausted from the lack of sleep the previous night. Harvey had been the first to wake up, he’d kissed Mike’s naked shoulder before getting out of bed and cleaning up before getting dressed.

He sat down at the kitchen table with his laptop and answered some e-mails while he waited for Mike to wake up. If Harvey was to be perfectly honest with himself, Mike’s behavior earlier that day had been a little terrifying. He knew that Mike was strong, and could get through anything, but Harvey just hated seeing him upset.

Harvey couldn’t say he didn’t get it though, he remembered how long it had taken for him to trust anyone after his own mother had betrayed his trust. It wasn’t something you could just shove to the back of your head and pretend never happened when someone you loved made you feel that way. Mike had gone through so much, lost so many people, but he’d always gotten back on the horse so to speak, and continued letting people in, letting them see the fantastic person that he was, giving himself another chance to be happy.

Harvey sighed. Somewhere enough was enough he guessed. His parents, his grandmother, Trevor, Jenny, Rachel, Louis. It was a long list of people he used to be close to, people he valued as family, friends, loved ones…, and now they were all pretty much nothing but memories, strangers that he couldn’t relate to anymore.

Harvey knew the feeling all too well, the last couple of years had been tough on him as well. He remembered the feud he’d had with Jessica, one of the people he was the closest to, the strain on his relationship with Donna when she had gotten fired. The difference was that Harvey had always known deep down that no matter what happened with the people he really considered family, that when it mattered, really mattered, they had each other’s backs.

Mike had called him when he had been unsure about Rachel, because he hadn’t had anyone else. Harvey hated even thinking about it, because to him, Mike deserved the whole world. He shook his head and took a deep breath. He wasn’t as blind to other’s emotions as some people might think, at least not when it came to those he cared about.

_Promise me you won’t fall in love with me_

Harvey had thought about it with Mike sleeping peacefully beside him, which was probably why he was overthinking the whole situation with Mike at the moment. He wanted to analyze ever aspect of Mike's behavior to find the reason behind those words. 

He was snapped back to reality when a yawning Mike exited from the bedroom, stretching his arms over his head.

“I hope you don’t mind.” Mike said as he gestured to the T-shirt he was wearing. Harvey’s T-shirt.

“Help yourself.” Harvey said, if he had to be honest, Mike looked damn good in his shirt, even though it was a bit too big for him. That was part of what made it sexy though, because then Harvey just knew that Mike was wearing _his_ clothes.

Mike pulled out a chair next to Harvey and peaked at his screen, Harvey scoffed at his curiosity. “What are you doing?” Mike asked.

“Reading some e-mails.” Harvey answered before closing the laptop. “How did you sleep?”

“Like a baby.” Mike said “That bed is even better than the one you have in your guest room.”

Harvey smiled at him, already missing the feeling of Mike underneath him, spread out on his sheets. He shook the thoughts away.

“I’m hungry.” Mike said. Harvey hadn’t really thought about food until Mike mentioned it, and then it was suddenly all he could think about.

“Me too.” Harvey said “Wanna go grab some lunch? Dinner, whatever.” He said, as they had probably screwed up both their sleep and eating schedule by staying in bed for almost two days.

“Actually, I should probably go home and get cleaned up, you know, get dressed, shave, brush my teeth.” Mike said “Without any distractions.” He said while wiggling his eyebrows. It looked more ridiculous than seductive.

Harvey wasn’t even disappointed as all he could think about was how Mike apparently wasn’t even able to take a shower at his apartment without wanting Harvey to join him.

“Okay.” Harvey agreed with a nod and a smile. Mike looked a lot better than he had earlier, and Harvey hoped that it was just something overwhelming that had come over him. “You’re okay, right?”

“What do you mean?” Mike asked, raising his eyebrows in confusion.

“You seemed a little….” Harvey said, trying to thread carefully. Before, he probably would have told Mike to either get his shit together, or if he was worried about him, just tell him to spit it out so he could find a way to help him. Now that their relationship had developed though, Harvey knew that their communication had to develop with it. “Distraught earlier.”

Mike looked a little taken back by that, as if he hadn’t thought Harvey would bring it up. He shook his head and pursed his lips. “Yeah, sorry.” He said “I’m alright.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” Harvey said as he recalled exactly what Mike’s behavior had led to and almost smirked. “Just tell me if something’s wrong, preferably _before_ everything goes to shit.” He said, remembering all the times he had tried to be there for Mike in the past. What first came to mind was when his grandmother had died, Harvey had not known about it until after Mike had made a shitload of bad decisions that had gone back to haunt him more than once.

Mike actually did smile at that, before sighing. “Remember when we agreed to give this a shot?”

“Vaguely.” Harvey joked, as if he could ever forget how Mike had scared the shit out of him that night, but it had still turned out to be one hell of a night. He smiled at the memory. Mike hadn’t even wore socks.

Mike smiled back. “I don’t really know how to do this.” He said and gestured between them. Harvey didn’t really know what the hell he was talking about, but tried to listen the best he could. Mike was a complicated man, to say the least. Harvey thought- no, he knew- that he was one of the few people in Mike’s life that knew the real him, but that didn’t mean that the kid didn’t still surprise him.

“Help me understand here, kid.” Harvey said “Cause you’re not making much sense now.”

“Don’t call me, kid.” Mike said “It’s a little creepy.”

Harvey cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrows, knowing that Mike was trying to doge the subject.

“I told you I didn’t know what I wanted.” Mike said “I still don’t know what I want.”

Harvey didn’t say anything, just kept his eyes locked with Mike so he would know it was okay to continue, because honestly, Harvey was both confused and worried about where this was going.

“When I was growing up, getting older, I had this idea of what I wanted in my head.” Mike said “I wanted to go to college, I wanted to become a lawyer, I wanted to take care of my grandmother.” He said, looking down at his knees for a moment before continuing, “Then when I covered for Trevor and got kicked out of college, I screwed up everything else I wanted too...”

Harvey hated whenever Mike got that self-doubt in his eyes, the one he knew that Mike had struggled to overcome. Mike seemed confident and sure of himself, but deep down he was still that kid that felt like everyone left him. Harvey related to that more than anything.

“Then I met you.” Mike said with a soft smile. “And I was a lawyer- well, kind of-“he said and grinned, even though his eyes were still sad, and Harvey had to fight the urge to grab his hand or stroke his neck. “And I could take care of grammy, and then there were all these new things I wanted… I wanted to be good at my job, I wanted to make you proud, I wanted to make Jessica believe it wasn’t a mistake to hire me.”

Harvey nodded, but Mike didn’t continue so Harvey figured there was something he didn’t want to say, or something he was afraid Harvey didn’t want to hear. “Go on, Mike.” He said.

“Then… Then I wanted things to work with Jenny.” Mike said “And then I wanted to be happy with Rachel.” He looked down at where he was nervously scratching his kneecap with his nails, a habit he’d picked up lately. “I lost Trevor, I lost Jenny, I lost my grandmother, and Rachel and- I never thought I’d be sad about it, but I lost Louis.” He said.

His eyes looked up and met Harvey’s again “And now I have no idea what I want.” He said, and Harvey could see that he almost wanted to throw his arms out in frustration. “I now I only know what I _don’t_ want.”

“And what’s that?” Harvey asked, afraid of where this might be going.

“I don’t want to get fired, I don’t want to be scared every time I come into work-“ he must have seen something in Harvey’s eyes, because he sighed before continuing “I don’t want to be with Rachel…., but I don’t want things to be this tense between us either – I just don’t want to lose anyone else.”

“Mike, I understand that.” Harvey said, almost irritated by how Mike was reacting because it was so unlike the Mike he knew. It was like all of the confidence he had slowly re-built after everything that had happened was disappearing again and Harvey hated it. He hated that Mike felt so unsure about everything, and it was usually his or Rachel’s job to make him remember what he was worth, but now that all fell on Harvey’s shoulders and he honestly didn’t know what to do.

“I don’t want to lose _you_.” Mike said, as if he had been holding that inside for a very long time and Harvey knew the feeling because he couldn’t say he hadn’t thought about it himself, that what they had begun could potentially lead to them losing what they once had.

“We won’t let that happen.” Harvey said, making sure that his voice was stern so that Mike realized that he meant it.

“No.” Mike said with a smile “We won’t.”

“You’re really messed up, aren’t you?” Harvey asked, and Mike laughed, but looked like he wanted to cry.

“Listen.” Harvey said as he reached out and palmed Mike’s cheek. “You’ve been through so much shit that you don’t deserve, and I get why you are worried, I do.”

Mike smiled, like he had needed Harvey to say that he understood. “So listen.” Harvey continued “Whatever is going on between us, we can go slow, okay?”

“Okay.” Mike answered with a nod, Harvey’s hand still on his cheek.

“I can see how you’re drifting away, and I don’t want you to think that you deserve any of the bad shit that’s happened to you-“

“I never said that.” Mike said, and he seemed more shocked that Harvey would say something like that, than disappointed or sad that Harvey would ever bring it up.

“I know you, kid.” Harvey said, offering him a smile. “I can see what you’re thinking, and I know the thought have struck your mind.”

“Harvey…”

“It’s not the case.” Harvey replied “When have I ever steered you wrong?”

Mike put his hand on top of Harvey’s, and brought it to his lips and kissed Harvey’s knuckles gently. “Never.”

“Damn right.” Harvey answered. “So we’ll take it slow, and the most important thing right now is for you to hang on and remember that you are _amazing.”_

“You must have been a little more sex-hazed than I thought.” Mike said “You are usually more discreet with your compliments.”

“You need to hear it.” Harvey said “And I need to say it.”

“You really think I’m amazing?” Mike asked “This isn’t just a pity pep-talk?”

Harvey smirked and leaned in closer and kissed Mike on the lips, and then on the side of his mouth. “Defiantly not just a pep-talk.”

“I’m keeping the shirt.”

**

Mike didn’t want to leave Harvey, but he knew that he needed to go home and get a proper shower and get dressed in his own clothes. He also needed to gather his thoughts without being constantly distracted by Harvey’s naked chest, or those gorgeous lips, or those eyes that could melt- No, no.   
Mike shook the thoughts out of his head and brought his attention back to finding a t-shirt he could wear.

He smiled as he remembered the conversation with Harvey. He had been terrified of actually telling Harvey how he had felt, and why he had all but freaked out earlier, but when he had first started talking, he just couldn’t stop.

Mike had been worried that Harvey might roll his eyes at him and tell him he was being distracted, or laugh, or even worse, just stare at Mike and not knowing what to say so Mike would have no clue how Harvey had felt about the situation.

Harvey had surprised him though, just like with everything, and said things that Mike didn’t even know that he needed to hear. Harvey cared about Mike’s well-being more than anything, and he wanted Mike to like himself, more than he wanted Mike to like him. Mike had never known that feeling before. It seemed there was an endless list of things Harvey made him feel that he didn’t know he wanted or needed.

He picked up his phone from where it was lying on his bed and quickly texted Harvey.

_You’re pretty amazing too, you know._


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know I'm a couple of days late with my update again, but I was visiting my mom this weekend. (Might be late next week as well). ENJOY!

«Am I interrupting something?» Mike asked as he entered Harvey’s office, ready to update him on the case, but stopping in the doorway when he noticed Harvey was in deep discussion with Malone and Louis.

“No, come on in.” Malone replied, and Mike made his way into the office. “We were just going over the final draft for the merger.”

“Oh.” Mike said with a grin. “Everyone is finally ready to sign then?”

“Yes, finally.” Malone said, like he was more than happy to put the whole thing behind them. It had been a tough one, but Mike also knew that it might be just what the firm needed. It was a major case that would give them a lot of praise and publicity ones the merger was complete.

“What have you got there?” Harvey asked, gesturing towards the draft in Mike’s hand.

“The statement you asked for.” Mike said “I went over it and found something fishy.”

“Great.” Harvey said before turning his attention back to Malone and Louis “Are we about done here?”

“Yeah, we’ll let you get back to your case.” Malone said “They are coming to sign the papers at one o’clock, if you want to be there.”

“I’ll be there.” Harvey said with a nod.

Malone gave Mike a nod as he left the office, while Louis more or less only glared at him. Mike sighed the second they were gone and pursed his lips at Harvey.

“He’s such a drama queen.” Harvey said, while rolling his eyes. “Give me.” He said while gesturing for Mike to hand him the file.

“Easy for you to say, he’s talking to you now.” Mike replied as he walked over to Harvey’s desk and handed him the file. “I kinda wish he would just set out on a path to revenge or something, at least that way I would know if he still gave a damn.”

“He’s just pissy.” Harvey said “He’s only talking to me because we’re partners now.” He said and shrugged like a ghost had just went through him. Mike had to smile at that. “So what did you find?”

“Look at page seventeen.” Mike said as he got closer and pointed to where he had highlighted a few lines. “It doesn’t add up with the boss’ testimony.”

“You’re right.” Harvey said “But we need more leverage.”

“I thought I’d go and talk to Kelly Rogers.” Mike said “We already know he’s full of shit and now that we have this-“ he said and tapped the document in front of Harvey “It might be enough to get him to talk.”

“You do know we’re not in the FBI, right?” Harvey asked “I mean, we don’t even have an interrogation room.”

“You just suck the fun out of everything, don’t you?” Mike asked, and Harvey just looked at him for a moment before raising his eyebrows with an amused smile. “Really? What are you? Sixteen?”

“Blowjob jokes in the office, aren’t you just flying under the radar?” Came Donna’s voice through the intercom.

“Donna!” Harvey said strictly, and looked past Mike to his secretary who was sitting outside and grinning at them. “Don’t you have work to do?”

“I was just going to tell you that Jessica needs you and I happened to overhear part of your conversation.” She said innocently, and Harvey scoffed at her.

“I’ll be right there.” Harvey said as he gathered up the papers in front of him. “Listen, go and talk to this Rogers guy, but thread carefully, okay?”

“Can I go undercover?”

“No.” Harvey said as he glared at him. “Take it easy, Robocop.”

Mike struggled to hold back the ‘Rachel would have let me’ that almost escaped his lips, because maybe Harvey wouldn’t think it would be as funny.

“What do you think Jessica wants?” Mike asked, and Harvey shrugged.

“Something about the merger, maybe?” He asked, and Mike noticed at once that something was left unspoken. “Update on the case?”

“It’s about Louis, isn’t it?” Mike asked “And me?”

“I don’t know, Mike.” He said, and then he must have noticed the look on Mike’s face, because he sighed “I promise I’ll tell you if it is, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” Mike said, because he couldn’t ask for anything else. “Good luck, either way.”

Harvey smiled “Yeah, thanks.” He answered “And Mike-“

“Yeah?”

“Thread _carefully.”_ Harvey said “Follow the book on this one.”

“Aye aye, captain!”

As soon as Harvey left, Mike went over to Donna’s desk and grinned at her “Hey.” He said “You want to go undercover with me?”

She just glared at him.

“I was just kidding.” Mike said “I’m going to be good.”

Donna only hummed at that, and grinned sheepishly at him. Mike cocked his head to the side and looked at Donna as if he was a disapproving parent trying to figure out what she was thinking.

“So, how was your weekend?” Donna asked as she raised her eyebrows.

“It was good.” Mike answered, knowing exactly what Donna was fishing after. “And how was yours, Miss Paulsen?”

“Not as good as yours, I can imagine.” She said.

“Maybe.” Mike answered, “If you will excuse me, I have work to do.”

“Have you talked to Rachel?” Donna asked, and Mike had completely forgotten about the whole thing. He had promised Harvey that he would, and he knew it was only fair for Rachel to hear it from him, but he felt like it wasn’t something that he could tell her in the middle of their work-day.

“I will.” Mike said “Today, maybe.”

“Mike.”

“I will tell her.” Mike said, a little surer of him this time, so he was able to convince Donna as well.

Before Donna had a chance to say anything else though, Mike left without another word. He didn’t want Donna to keep pushing, and he really needed to get to work. He sighed on his way to his office though, and decided to take a small detour and pop by Rachel’s office.

The door was open so he let himself in, and smiled at her when she looked up and met Mike’s eyes. “Hi.” She said.

“Hey.” He answered “No classes today?”

She shook her head “Anything you need?”

“Actually I was wondering what you were doing after work?” Mike asked, and she just looked at him, clearly confused about the question.

“I have dinner plans, actually.” She said “Why?”

Mike bit his bottom lip and put his hands in his pocket “There’s just something I would like to talk to you about.”

“What?” Rachel asked “Is it serious? Does it have something to do with… Louis?”

Mike shook his head. “No, it’s- it’s just…” He didn’t really know what to say, or how to say it. He couldn’t just blurt it out.

“Mike, just tell me.” She said.

“I’m seeing someone.” Mike said and looked her straight in the eye, her face went from confusion, to disbelief, and then to sadness in a matter of moments. “I just thought you should hear it from me.”

“You’re seeing someone?” Rachel asked and Mike nodded. She seemed to gather her thoughts, wondering what questions to ask, or if she wanted to know anything at all. “Is it serious?”

“We’re taking it slow.” Mike said “I don’t want to rush into anything.”

“Okay.” Rachel said, and then she just stared down at her desk, and Mike wasn’t sure what to do then. He didn’t owe her anything after the way they had ended it, but that didn’t mean that he liked seeing her upset.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, even though he didn’t know what he was apologizing for.

“No, don’t apologize.” Rachel said “I just didn’t think you’d find someone this soon.”

“It just sort of happened-“ Mike said and then groaned as he wanted to kick himself “That was such a cliché thing to say, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, kinda.” Rachel said, and Mike remembered Rachel saying the exact same words to him when she had told him about her affair. Nothing ever just happened in Mike’s experience, there was always a reason behind it.

"I didn't want to tell you this at work..."

“No.” Rachel said and held a hand up “I kept pushing.” She said and drew a deep breath “Thank you for telling me.”

Mike nodded then, and looked at her, like he was waiting for her to say something else. Instead she just coughed and told him she had a lot of work to do.

“Yeah, sure.” He said “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Okay.” She said, and Mike didn’t want to just walk away, but he knew that it was for the best.

The rest of the day went by without any major bumps, and Mike was more than grateful for that. He loved his job, and he was so thankful that he still had one, and even though he loved a good challenge, it was a nice change of pace to have days were things went almost flawlessly.

After the clients had signed everything and the merger was finally actually happening, the whole mood in the office seemed to change. Everyone was more relaxed and they seemed more than ready to go and celebrate the win, even those who hadn’t been directly involved.

“It’s quite the celebration out there.” Mike said as he entered Harvey’s office and fell down in the chair in front of his desk. “Congratulations on completing the merger.”

“Thanks.” Harvey all but mumbled as he continued typing away at his computer, clearly, he was not in a celebratory mood.

“What’s going on?” Mike asked as he cocked his eyebrows at Harvey, trying to figure out what would put him in such a mood.

“The charity event has been postponed.” Harvey said “Something about funding or whatever, I didn’t really pay attention.”

“So what?” Mike asked “You didn’t want to go anyway.”

“Since everyone is so happy about this damn merger, Jessica thought it would be a good idea to continue on with the party anyway.” Harvey said “Only we’re having it here at the office.”

“So now it really is a celebration in Louis’ honor.” Mike said on a sigh, realizing where Harvey was going. “You know what?” Mike said then as he sat up straight in the chair and threw his arms out “It’s a party, we’ll get drunk, celebrate the fact that you kicked ass on that merger and ignore him the whole evening.”

Harvey looked up from his computer then and smiled at Mike. “Who said you were invited?”

“Hey.” Mike said “He would never have gotten that promotion if I hadn’t been such a lying asshole, so technically _I_ should be the guest of honor.”

Harvey chuckled, and Mike felt satisfied with the fact that he had gotten Harvey out of his funk. “You are so right.” He said “Maybe we should just come clean and tell everyone, have one last hurrah before being sent off to prison?”

“That’s more like it!” Mike said enthusiastically, grinning hugely when Harvey just shook his head with amusement.

“Okay, fine.” Harvey said “I’ll show up and look happy.”

“My hero.” Mike replied.

“I’m starting to feel like you just want to get me drunk and take advantage of me.” Harvey said with his usual level of confidence.

“Oh, please.” Mike said “As if I need booze to get you in bed with me.”

“Is that a promise of a happy ending to what is bound to be a miserable evening?”

Mike only winked at him, before filling him in on how his meetings had gone with the client, the witnesses and the opposing counsel. It had been quite the eventful day for him, and he was a little proud for being able to do so many things without fucking up once. At least, he hoped he hadn't. It had been while since everything had run so smoothly for him, work-wise. He was only hoping that he wasn't jinxing himself by thinking about it. 

“Hey.” Rachel said as she popped up in the doorway of Mike's office as he was packing up his things for the day.

“Hi.” Mike answered, happy to see Rachel just as satisfied as the rest of the floor even if they had had quite the uncomfortable talk earlier that day. 

“Guess what?” Rachel asked as she bit her lip in a way that used to cause butterflies in Mike’s stomach, but now it just made him curious. It was weird how feelings like that could change so easily, but so drastically all at once.

“What?” Mike asked as he crossed his arms over his chest and raised his eyebrows in amusement.

“Malone was so happy with my work on the merger that he requested me as his personal associate.” She said and clapped her hands together as she let out a small laugh.

“Really?” Mike asked “That’s great, Rachel.” He said.

“You don’t sound too enthusiastic.” Rachel said as she looked him suspiciously up and down.

Mike didn’t really know what to say, or more accurately- what was appropriate to say.

“No, sorry.” He said and tried to force himself to smile brighter even though he remembered his grandmother saying he looked like a crazy person when he did. “It really is great.”

“You’re lying.” Rachel said, because she knew him too well. “Why are you lying?”

“I-“ Mike said as he let out a breath and tried to choose his words carefully so he wouldn’t sound like a dickhead. “It’s not really my place to say anymore.”

“Say it anyway.” Rachel said as she started to sound very annoyed. Mike couldn’t blame her, he was kind of raining on her parade.

“I am just worried you’re taking on too much.” Mike said “I’d hate to see you overwork yourself again.”

Rachel just glared at him.

“I’m only saying this because I know you want to do well in school and excel here at work, and that you’ve had difficulties managing your time…” He stopped himself as he read the expression in her face “And as I’m saying this I realize that I sound like a hypocritical ass.”

“Yes, you are.” Rachel said, and then sighed “But I get it.”

“You do?” Mike asked, more insecure than anything. Things were somewhat good between them now and he wouldn’t want to screw it all up again because he couldn’t keep his opinions to himself.

“Yes.” She said “I felt the same way when you were in the hospital.”

Mike wasn’t sure he was following and Rachel sighed, because clearly, Mike was clueless.

“When we were together, it was pretty easy to know what we could say and do around each other.” She said “But now it’s like treading on eggshells to make sure we don’t overstep.”

Mike nodded in understanding. As usual, Rachel was able to see things that he wasn’t. Mike sort of missed it, relying on her, having her there when he needed her, being able to give her a massage after she’d had a hard day of work or classes. Those were the good things though, and even though Mike missed them, he knew that that feeling would also eventually fade.

“When you told me you were seeing someone I was so tempted to yell at you for moving on so quickly, but I knew that I had to right to do that after the way we ended things.” She said as she looked down at her feet for a moment before turning her attention back to Mike. “We’ll just have to do this one day at a time, right?”

Mike nodded. “Exactly.” He said “And if it makes you feel any better, it hasn’t been easy for me either….” He said “Trying to get over you.”

“That’s because I’m not an easy person to get over.” She said jokingly, before walking over to him and putting her hand on Mike's arm. “I’m glad we can still talk, Mike.”

“Me too.” Mike answered as he gave Rachel’s hand a squeeze. “I want you to still be a part of my life.”

She nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I feel the same way.” She said before excusing herself and leaving his office.

Mike was surprised at how well his conversations with Rachel usually went. He didn’t like the fact that she was upset about him seeing someone, but if he was perfectly honest, Rachel was right; she didn’t have a say in it, just like Mike couldn’t play the role of the protective boyfriend anymore. They just needed to find out what they were now, so they could both move on and hopefully one day be actual friends.

"Was that Rachel I just saw leaving your office?"

Mike smiled as he turned off his computer and looked up to see Harvey standing where Rachel had just been moments ago.

"Yes, it was." Mike answered "Malone personally asked for her to be his associate, did you know?"

Harvey shook his head before putting his hands in his pocket and taking a few step closer to Mike. "No, but she's good at her job, I'm not surprised."

"Sounds like you almost miss having her as your associate." Mike said, jokingly. "Tell me, Mr. Specter, whatever can I do to make you more pleased with my performance?"

Harvey looked like he wanted to laugh at Mike's ridiculous attempt at being seductive, but instead he just blew him a kiss and smirked at him.

"I'm sure we can think of something."


	25. Chapter 25

«I can just imagine you standing there with a corsage in your hand looking all pathetic.” Harvey said on a laugh as Mike buried his face in the pillow.

“I told you it was embarrassing.” Mike answered “Not everyone could be the quarterback, you know.”

“I played baseball, not football.” Harvey corrected him, laughing at how Mike’s cheeks were still pink from embarrassment. Harvey knew he would be able to coax that prom story out of him. “Huge difference.”

“You were a jock.” Mike said “And if I ever hear Donna even mention the word 'prom' to me, I’m going to kill you.”

“My lips are sealed.” Harvey answered with a confident grin. “I love having leverage.”          

“Fine, it’s a stupid story anyway.” He said “I’ve never had much luck with women… Or maybe women have never had much luck with me, who knows.”

“Good thing I’m not a woman, then.” Harvey said as he leaned in and gave Mike a quick, but tender kiss.

Mike hummed happily in response. Harvey smiled before pulling back slightly and lying down on his back, Mike rested his chin on Harvey's shoulder and poked him in the side.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I was just…” Harvey said, thinking about whether or not he should say something. “Speaking of women…”

“Yes?” Mike asked, as he started to playfully run his fingers up and down Harvey’s chest, making him shiver.

“Rachel.” Harvey said “The other day, when she was in your office…”

“Yes?” Mike asked, and Harvey almost wanted to curse the kid for the amusement that was in his voice.

“You’re being kind of a dick right now.” Harvey said, and turned his head to face a grinning Mike.

“I’m sorry.” He said “But you’re jealous.”

“I am not jealous.” Harvey said “I just want to get all the facts straight.”

“Hmm.” Mike replied “Jealous.”

“Shut up.” Harvey said as he turned his head away, annoyed at Mike’s behavior even though he knew that he really shouldn’t be.

“It’s cute.” Mike said, and Harvey huffed out a breath of air. Mike only smiled brighter before he started planting kisses across Harvey’s chest, making his way up his collarbone and towards his neck.

“It’s sexy.” He said before planting a wet kiss against Harvey’s jaw. “ _Very_ hot.” He whispered.

They had barely spent a night apart all week and neither of them mentioned it, it just felt rather natural. Maybe it was because they had lived together for so long, or maybe it was because the thought of being away from Mike made Harvey crazy, but he really didn’t mind that at the end of the day, they had a tendency of ending up in bed together.

Mike hadn’t protested or reminded him that they were supposed to take it slow, so Harvey didn’t bring it up. Mike seemed happy, and Harvey was also more than satisfied with how things were going. He just hoped that it would last.

Harvey smiled when Mike’s lips met his, loving the familiar taste of Mike’s mouth. When he pulled back, Mike rested his forehead against Harvey’s for a moment before he pulled back slightly.

“I told her I was seeing someone.” Mike said, his voice was so low that Harvey could barely hear what he was saying, but at the same time, it was still clear as day.

“How did she take it?” Harvey asked, if he was perfectly honest though, he didn’t care what she had to say about it. Rachel had cheated on Mike. He had been lost, confused and heartbroken to the point where Harvey had barely recognized him at times, and now he seemed happy and confident again. Harvey was well aware that he didn’t know the whole story and that he didn’t have any right to judge, but to him, she had no right to have a say in Mike’s personal life anymore.

“I’m not really sure.” Mike said as he took a breath “I don’t think she’s sure, either…”

“But?” Harvey asked.

Mike smiled at him again. “No but’s.” he said, and Harvey just had to lean closer and kiss him again.

“I didn’t tell her it was you.” Mike said then, and Harvey hadn’t really expected him to either. It just made him proud to know that Mike was able to actually tell Rachel that he was moving on, and close that door for good. “It’s not like I was trying to hide it from her, but she didn’t ask and I-“

“It’s okay, Mike.” Harvey said, the calmness in his own voice almost surprised him as well. He reached out and stroked Mike’s back lazily. “We’ll cross that bridge if we get to it.”

Mike looked up from where he had been drawing circles on Harvey’s ribs with his finger. “If?”

Harvey smiled. It was those little things that Mike did or said that reminded him that Mike really did want things to progress between them as well, he was just scared and Harvey understood that. Hell, Harvey could relate to that.

Harvey’s previous relationships had been difficult, because Harvey had been scared to let down his guard and let someone in. He had been worried that he might get hurt, or hurt those he cared about. Scottie knew Harvey, almost too well, and she wanted to be with him, flaws and all. The problem was that Harvey hadn’t been able to commit, he hadn’t been able to be what she wanted from him, no matter how hard he had tried. In the end, he knew that their break-up was on him.

With Mike, it was different. Mike knew about his flaws, his insecurities, how Harvey never trusted someone unless they proved they were worthy of it. He knew this because Mike had seen and experienced what it felt like to earn and to lose Harvey’s trust. Mike didn’t expect him to change, he wouldn’t give him an ultimatum or put him on the spot. The only thing Mike wanted now was someone to want him back, and that, Harvey could do. For now that was more than enough for the both of them. 

Mike had let Harvey know how scared he felt about the two of them actually being good together. So it was moments like these, when Mike let down his guard unknowingly and questioned the small stuff that Harvey could see that Mike was actually even more scared that things _wouldn’t_ work out. In a messed up way, it made Harvey feel more secure about the two of them.

“When.” Harvey said as he placed his hand on the back of Mike’s head and pulled him into another kiss. “When we get to it.”

“Yeah, okay.” Mike said, trying to hide his grin, but Harvey saw right through him. “Speaking of things to look forward to-“ he said on a cough and Harvey wanted to groan because he knew where this conversation was going. “There’s a party tomorrow.”

“So I’ve heard.” Harvey said “We are still sticking to the plan about getting very drunk and having mind-blowing sex afterwards right?”

“Not sure if ‘very drunk’ and ‘mind-blowing sex’ should be in the same sentence.” Mike pointed out. “But yes, it is definitely a date.”

“A date, huh?” Harvey asked with a grin “I should quit while I’m ahead.”

“Shut up.” Mike said before slapping Harvey’s arm and rolling out of bed, as he searched his drawers for something to wear, Harvey found himself staring. “You want some coffee?”

“Sure.” Harvey answered as Mike pulled on a pair of jeans. “I don’t suppose you actually have something to eat, do you?”

“Hey.” Mike said and pointed his finger accusingly at Harvey. “I am a mature adult, of course I have food.”

“Food that is not instant noodles or leftovers from yesterday?”

“I have eggs.” Mike answered before putting on a t-shirt; Harvey resisted the urge to pout.

“Sounds perfect.”

 

They ate and talked about the case that they still hadn’t been able to wrap up, but they were on a good roll. They discussed the witnesses, and Harvey laughed when Mike was able to drop half of his scrambled eggs in his lap, everything seemed too good to be true. It reminded him of how things were when Mike was staying with him, just that now, Harvey got awesome sex out of it as well. 

Mike didn’t even seem to care that Harvey was making fun of his clumsiness, instead he got a paper towel and threw away the eggs, before walking over to Harvey and kissing him chastely on the lips.

“What was that for?” Harvey asked, feeling like it was more than just a kiss in the passing.

“I like it when you laugh.” Mike said and then tipped his head to the side like he was reconsidering it “Even if it is at me.”

Harvey had never heard anyone say that to him before, but when he thought about it, Harvey had to admit that he had laughed a lot more since that night when Mike had showed up at his door in the middle of the night.

Mike made him laugh. Mike made him happy. He had to stop himself from being as worried as Mike that this might actually work out.

He had learned his lesson with Scottie. The risks that he didn’t take often ended up creating a bigger mess than those he dared to take. He had already jumped into this with Mike, he was going to see it through, no matter what the outfall might be.

“Are you saying I’m usually grumpy?” Harvey asked, but there was no heat behind his words, only amusement.

“I’m saying you’re rocking that ‘hot and broody’ look most of the time.” Mike said as leaned against the table, resting his leg against Harvey’s.

“Hmm.” Harvey hummed as a response as his hand found it’s way to Mike’s thigh, and smiled when he could feel Mike shudder. “I think we should give that mind-blowing sex thing a practice run, just to be sure we nail it tomorrow night.”

Mike leaned in closer then, looking Harvey straight in the eye “Are _you_ saying that I’m not usually mind-blowing in bed?”

“I’m saying that I think there’s still a lot more that you could teach me.” Harvey answered, and knew that he had reached his target when Mike’s breath hitched.

“You’re always so smart.” Mike answered before he leaned in and kissed the side of Harvey’s mouth before dragging him to his feet.

Harvey wasted no time in crashing their lips together while guiding them back to Mike’s bedroom. Kissing Mike, having sex with Mike, breathing in the scent that was Mike Ross, it was all more addicting than Harvey had ever thought it would be, or that he would ever admit.

“Get these off.” He murmured against Mike’s lips as he pulled down the zipper of those stupid jeans that Mike never should have put on in the first place.

Mike answered something that Harvey couldn’t catch, but he didn’t care as long as it meant getting their clothes of faster. It was a weird feeling if he had to be honest with himself, Harvey had always been passionate in his relationships, but nothing compared to the pure want he felt whenever he was around Mike.

“Shit, Harvey.” Mike said as Harvey pushed him down on the bed and straddled him, smiling when he noticed that Mike was already breathless. “We’re going to be late to work.”

“I’m the boss.” Harvey said while wiggling his eyebrows “I’ll give you the morning off.”

Mike didn’t protest anymore then, he just leaned up and started kissing Harvey’s neck. Harvey moaned at the sensation, before he was taking by surprise when Mike suddenly rolled them around and pinned Harvey’s body to the bed.

Before Harvey could say anything, Mike was already kissing his again. Mike pulled them impossibly closer, and sneaked a hand around Harvey’s body and squeezed his upper thigh. Harvey moaned again, it felt so impossibly good, but Harvey knew where this was going.

“Hey.” Harvey said breathlessly, as he moved his head slightly so Mike would stop kissing him for a second. It was basically torture.

Mike pulled back then, and looked down at Harvey as if he’d done something wrong. Harvey smiled reassuringly at him.

“Did I-“

Harvey tried his best not to say anything stupid, but he suddenly felt very self-aware. “You didn’t do anything wrong, no.” He said “Just not sure if we should- If _I-“_ He was stuttering, Harvey Specter was a stammering mess, _in bed_. That hadn’t happened since he was a teenager.

Mike looked like he wanted to laugh, but tried his best not to for the sake of Harvey’s feelings. “Shut up.” Harvey said, and Mike just reached down and kissed him twice on the mouth.

“It’s okay.” Mike as he mindlessly started stroking Harvey’s thigh with his finger. “Sorry, my fault.” He continued. “I just thought when you were talking about me _teaching you_.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, ever.” Harvey said as he slid his hand up and down Mike’s arm, noticing a few small scars that hadn’t caught his eye before. He wondered when he had gotten them, he imagined that Mike was probably a clumsy kid.

“I’m an ass.” Mike said as he rested his forehead against Harvey’s for a moment. “It’s not something we should rush while we’re really supposed to be in the office.”

“Look at you.” Harvey said with a smile. “Looking out for little, innocent, me.”

“Hmmm.” Mike said as he kissed Harvey again, a little longer than necessary “You are not exactly what I would call innocent.”

Harvey pulled him closer, grinding their hips together and let out a small, happy laugh when Mike groaned.

“Oh, and just so you know.” Mike said between moans and kisses “You’d love it.” He whispered against Harvey’s neck “Trust me.”


	26. Chapter 26

«You look hot.»

Mike turned around with a smile on his lips when he heard Harvey’s voice.

“You’re not too bad yourself.” Mike replied, as he looked Harvey up and down. Harvey in a tuxedo was something everyone should get to see before they died.

“You’re late.” Harvey said then, as he looked around the office. “I need another drink.”

“I’m not late.” Mike replied. “I’ve been here for twenty minutes.”

“No, you haven’t.” Harvey answered and let out a happy sigh when he saw someone with a tray of champagne walk past them, he handed one glass to Mike before getting one for himself.

“Keeping track of me?” Mike asked as he took a sip. “That’s both cute and stalker-ish.”

“Donna went to talk to Rachel and never came back.” Harvey said “She abandoned me and left me with Paul Porter, who believe it or not, is even more tedious when he’s tipsy.”

“Really?” Mike said, as he grinned at Harvey “I thought for sure that guy would know how to party.”

“You are such a funny guy.” Harvey said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes before bringing the champagne back to his lips, and Mike was almost embarrassed when he caught himself staring.

“You’ve talked to Jessica or Louis?” Mike asked.

“Yes.” Harvey said “Jessica is cool as a cucumber, as always, Louis is- well, Louis.”

“Great.” Mike said as he put his hands in his pocket before looking around the room to see if he could spot the man. “This is so awkward.”

“Only if you let it be.” Harvey said before downing his drink. Mike sighed before doing the same. “Another?”

“Yes, please.” Mike said with a nod, knowing he probably sounded desperate.

By the time Jessica came and pulled Harvey away so they could gather everyone around and officially congratulate Louis on making name-partner, Mike was already tipsy.

Harvey seemed completely miserable where he stood in front of everyone, shaking Louis hand, while everyone was clapping. He looked professional though, and Mike hoped that those who didn’t know Harvey wouldn’t notice how much he hated being up there.

“This is gonna be quite a party, isn’t it?” Donna asked as she sneaked up next to him. Mike turned his head slightly before turning his attention back to Jessica’s speech.

“I really hope not.” Mike said as he shrugged. He wanted to keep drinking, maybe flirt a little with Harvey, stay back and relax, and for absolutely nothing exciting to happen all night.

Donna sighed. “Now it’s official.” She said “His name is on the wall, the papers are signed and the celebrations are happening.”

“I know.” Mike said. It wasn’t ideal, and the situation was more than messed up, but Donna was right, there was no turning back now. Mike just hoped that Louis would see what kind of responsibility he now had, and that he would take this job seriously. It was everything Louis had ever wanted, so Mike was pretty sure he would do whatever he could not to screw it up.

Mike sighed.

“You okay?” Donna asked.

“I’m gonna sound like a douche right now, so just bear with me.” Mike answered “Louis has all but forgiven you, he’s talking to Harvey, Katrina seems to be warming up to me, even Jessica is on team Mike, but Louis still won’t even look at me.”

“First of all, I don’t think you should call it ‘team Mike’, especially in front of Jessica.” She said.

Mike had to agree with that.

“Louis thinks all of us betrayed his trust.” Donna said with a shrug. “He’s a lot like Harvey sometimes, you know, he doesn’t trust a lot of people.”

“I know that.” Mike said, and applauded once he realized everyone else was clapping as Jessica had finished her speech.

“He feels betrayed.” Donna said.

“I never _betrayed_ him.” Mike said at once, feeling like he needed to stick up for himself. “If I’d told him, he probably would have had me fired or sent off to jail, who knows what would happen to you and Harvey and Rachel-“ Mike stopped himself, making sure no one was listening in on their conversation. “And even if he had kept my secret, he would have to carry that around with him every day, and I know how much that sucks… So do you.”

“I never said I agreed with him, Mike.” Donna said “I’m just trying to explain how he might feel-

“Well, that was fun.” Harvey said as he was suddenly standing beside Donna. “Where’s my drink?” he asked with furrowed brows, as he noticed Mike was no longer holding his glass.

“I drank it.” Mike answered honestly “And I’d do it again.”

“I see not much has changed here, even if the two of you are walking around making googly eyes at each other.” Donna teased with a knowing grin on her face.

Mike wanted to comment something, while Harvey seemed far too busy trying to locate someone with a drink-tray.

“Screw it.” Harvey said “I’m gonna go get a scotch from my office.”

“Oh, me too.” Donna said happily, even though she probably would have gone and made herself one even if Harvey hadn’t suggested it.

“I think I’m gonna stick with champagne.” Mike said, because yes, he really wanted to get drunk, but he was also trying to avoid passing out or throwing up everywhere.

“Suit yourself.” Harvey said with a smile as he bumped Mike’s arm casually with his own as he walked past him and made his way towards his office.

Mike hated being by himself at these kinds of parties, he was either bombarded by a partner wanting to talk to him about some case that he had no interest in, or he was left standing by himself because he didn’t really get along with any of the other associates.

“Shiiit.” A familiar voice said behind him then. “I can’t believe they let your ass in here.”

Mike almost wanted to laugh when he recognized the voice and turned around to a grinning Katrina.

“Shiiit.” Mike replied “I can’t believe you’re even talking to me right now.”

She smiled at him and shrugged “I don’t have a lot of friends here.”

Mike smiled back at her “Me neither.” He replied before taking a deep breath “So how is our new managing partner doing? I would ask him myself, if I wasn’t completely dead to him.”

“Don’t put me in that position.” Katrina said “Because I will choose him.”

“I know.” Mike said, and wondered if he actually was swaying or if the alcohol was just messing with his head. “How is he doing though?”

“He’s good, I think.” Katrina said “This is all he ever wanted, you know.”

“I know.” Mike said again, and sighed heavily.

Katrina must have read something on his face, because she sighed with him before adding “I don’t think this is how he wanted to get it though.”

Mike’s brows furrowed and he cocked his head to the side “So what you’re saying is that-“

“Look, he didn’t tell me right away, you know, after he found out and everything went down.” She said “He hired me back, and I didn’t even know why he had gotten the position in the first place.”

“Okay?”

“And it’s not because he doesn’t trust me.” She said then and looked down at her feet for a second before looking back up and meeting Mike’s eyes. “I think it’s because he wanted to keep the secret _for you.”_

Mike thought about that for a moment “So you think that Louis still gives a damn?”

“That’s all you’re getting out of me.” Katrina said as she held her hands up.

Mike couldn’t blame her for not wanting to talk to him about Louis. He wouldn’t have said anything about Harvey if the situations were reversed. He almost laughed at the thought.

“Look, Mike.” Katrina said as she lowered her voice a little bit, and if Mike wasn’t tipsy he might have figured out where the conversation was going. “We both know that I’ve also done my fair share of stupid shit, and that I’ve crossed a lot of lines out of ambition and loyalty.”

Mike sighed, but didn’t say anything.

“But what you’re doing, it’s really out of line.” Katrina said “Now I won’t say anything, because I love my job, I’m loyal to Louis, and even though it might not be clear all the time, I believe in this firm.”

“I know.” Mike said, feeling like all he did was repeating himself.

“But you should seriously consider what you are doing.” She said “You know as well as I do that this firm has had too many close encounters…”

She stopped then, even though Mike wanted her to continue. He wanted someone to say out loud what he had been thinking for a long time, but everyone seemed to care too much about him to tell him the truth.

Katrina was honest and Mike respected that.

“I get what you’re saying.” Mike replied with a nod.

Katrina nodded back before taking a deep breath and laughing “I could use a drink.”

“You read my mind.” Mike answered with a relieved laugh.

The rest of the evening seemed to go on okay, he and Katrina had a couple of glasses of champagne and had a very nice conversation. Louis came up to them at one point because he needed to borrow Katrina. Mike congratulated him and tried his best to sound sincere while doing it, even though he was getting drunk and it would be hard to do under any circumstance. Louis actually thanked him, and offered him what seemed like a sad smile.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jessica in deep conversation with Harvey. They didn’t seem too serious though, and Mike could actually see Jessica smiling and clinking her glass with Harvey’s at one point. Maybe the party could actually be a good one after all, kind of like a stepping stone into a new era. Mike chuckled. He was so cheesy… And drunk.

That’s when he spotted Rachel, talking with Malone. The moment she saw Mike though, she excused herself and went over to talk to him.

“Hi.” She said with a smile that was worth a million bucks. She looked absolutely beautiful, and Mike had to repress the urge to tell her. Not quite there yet.

“Hey, there.” He said with a goofy grin “Quite the party, huh?”

“It’s going surprisingly well, isn’t it?” Rachel asked as she went to stand beside Mike and take in everything that was going on around them. “I was expecting someone to get into a fight or for the cops to show up and arrest someone who had bribed a jury member or something.”

“Yeah, this party is kind of boring.” Mike replied and Rachel laughed.

“Even you seem to be having fun.” Rachel said “How much champagne have you had?”

Mike thought about it for a second before holding up his glass and replaying with “So many.”

“Ah.” Rachel answered on another laugh. “So…”

Mike turned his head to look at her, but she seemed reluctant to finish her sentence. “What?” he asked with his eyebrows raised.

“You’re not here with anyone then?” She asked, before meeting his eyes. “A date, I mean.”

Mike snorted then, as he tried to suppress a laugh, but failed miserable.

“Very mature, Mike.” She said and crossed her arms over her chest in annoyance, Mike knew her well enough to know that Rachel was probably embarrassed as well.

“I’m sorry, Rachel.” Mike said, and realized that he really needed to stop drinking because whenever he drank too much and got into some awkward situation, he had too little brain capacity to actually come up with a clever answer.

This was just the latest example. He could say that he came along, because it was true, but the fact that Harvey was in the room, made it seem like he was deceiving Rachel in a way.

“Too much champagne.” He said and held up his glass, trying to apologize without having to actually answer the question. “Hey, have you talked to Louis?”

Answering a question with another question, there it was again.

“Why, is he your date?” Rachel mocked, and Mike scowled at her.

“Yeah, that’s actually the reason why he’s so pissed at me, I forgot to bring flowers.”

Rachel smiled at him. “No, I haven’t really talked to him.” She said “He was so mad at me when he first found out, but now he pretty much ignores me.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” Mike said as he looked down at his shoes for a moment. “I actually wish he would go into my office and trash everything, or something, just so I knew that I wasn’t really-“

“Dead to him?” Rachel finished his sentence for him, Mike guessed she had heard the same thing herself. “Yeah, I know.”

“He’s forgiving Donna.” Mike said, and he knew that he sounded bitter, because he couldn’t compare the relationship that Donna had with Louis, to the one that the two of them used to have, but he was just drunk and miserable at the moment. Why did alcohol always do that? He was happy and content just a few moments ago.

“Donna yelled at him.” Rachel said “She yelled, and she cried, and she has spent these last few months trying to help him while still letting him know that he’s not so innocent in all of this either, even though Louis might not trust her just yet, she is earning his respect back."

“We can’t all be Donna.” Mike said “Unfortunately.”

“All I’m saying is that maybe you should try a little harder as well.” Rachel said “If you really want him to forgive you, then you can’t take the long way around the office just so you can avoid him, or make sure that you’re always working on a separate case with Harvey that won’t include Louis-“

“How did you-“

“I know you.” She said with a smile “And I’ve seen how you’ve been acting… Look, remember how mad at you I was when I found out? I wanted space, but you refused to give that to me.”

“That was different.” Mike replied, refusing to tell her why.

“It doesn’t have to be.” Rachel answered as she put a comforting hand on her arm “He cares about you, or at least he used to, just remind him of that.”

“You want me to fight for Louis Litt?” Mike asked with an amused voice, because it just sounded ridiculous when he said it out loud.

Rachel nodded with a smile “Yes.”

Mike put his hand on top of Rachel’s and gave it a squeeze. “Thank you.” He said.

“You’re welcome.” Rachel said, the smile still on her face.

God, sometimes Mike really missed her. He looked up from her face, back to where Harvey had been talking to Jessica. Mike almost jumped out of his skin when he realized that both Harvey and Donna was looking straight at him. Harvey looked pissed. Pissed and drunk. Amazing combination, really.

“Will you excuse me?” Mike asked hurryingly, and went past Rachel without even waiting for an answer.

He all but ran through the crowd, realizing that he was more uncoordinated than he thought he would be. Standing in one spot and drinking all night hadn’t been such a good idea after all.

“Hey, hey.” He said as he reached the two of them. “What’s up?”

He sounded ridiculous.

Harvey didn’t answer. Donna looked uncomfortable. Mike didn’t know what to say.

“Eh, Donna, do you mind-“

“Really, not at all.” She said, more than happy to get away from a grumpy-looking Harvey.

“What’s going on?” Mike asked as he wetted his lips and tried to read Harvey’s expression the best he could, which was a lot harder when they were both beyond tipsy.

“Nothing.” Harvey said, then he just turned around and was ready to walk away, and there was no way Mike was going to take that.

“Hey!” Mike said, grabbing Harvey by the arm and then looking around to make sure he didn’t caught anyone’s attention. “What the hell is going on?”

“You tell me.” Harvey said as he turned around and looked Mike dead in the eye.

Mike just looked at him for a moment “Is this about Rachel, again?”

“You looked pretty cozy.”

“And you look pretty drunk.” Mike answered “Seriously, we were just talking about Louis.”

“Okay.” Harvey said, but he didn’t seem very convinced, and Mike honestly didn’t know what to say.

“Harvey-“

“I said okay.” Harvey said “This was such a stupid idea, this god damn party for Louis, and everything that-“

“Maybe I should just quit.” Mike said, which seemed to catch Harvey’s attention, but Mike was just as drunk as Harvey, and he wasn’t in the mood for this bullshit right now. If Harvey had a problem, then he could just say it like they had agreed on. “That would solve all the problems, wouldn’t it?”

“What the hell are you even talking about?” Harvey asked.

“What the hell are _you_ talking about?” Mike hissed back. “I can just quit, no more Louis holding shit over your head, no more looking over our shoulders, no more me having to talk to Rachel ever again? I can just pack up my shit and leave right now, solve every problem for you.”

“Shut up.”

“No, really.” Mike said and even in his drunken state, he was realizing that he might be going over the line. “I owe you at least that.”

“I fought tooth and nail to have you here.” Harvey said between gritted teeth.

“Then fucking talk to me.” Mike said back, knowing that a few people were probably getting that they were fighting. “We agreed that that’s what we would do, don’t pretend everything is alright when something is clearly bothering you, and then act like a dick when I try to figure out what it is.”

“Fine.” Harvey said and all but dragged Mike away from the crowd and towards his office, a few prying eyes seemed to wonder where they were going, but no one followed them. Harvey all but threw him inside and closed the door behind them, luckily, no one was around to see them.

“Okay, it bothers me to see you with Rachel, because you say that you don’t want to go back, but you don’t want to move forwards either so what the hell am I supposed to make of that?”

“We were going to take it slow!” Mike said “You agreed.”

“I can take it slow, Mike, but to where?” Harvey asked, raising his voice, but then lowering it again to avoid the attention. This was a really awful place to have this kind of argument. “You don’t want a relationship, but you don’t want to just friends, but with Rachel-“

“With Rachel, what?” Mike asked, because he was really interested in hearing what Harvey was going to say.

“You love her.” Harvey said “Or loved, whatever, you would have done anything for her, and you fought for her every single day-“

“But it’s over with her, I told you-“

“Why won’t you do that with me?” Harvey asked then, it was more of a yell than a question really, and Mike was left dumbfounded as he just watched Harvey all but fall apart in front of him. “Why won’t you even give me a chance? What’s wrong with me?”

“Harvey…” Mike said, not knowing where the hell this was all coming from. If it was the booze or if this was something Harvey had been thinking for a long time and the alcohol was just giving him an opportunity to let it out all. “Nothing’s wrong with you.”

Mike felt awful. He never wanted Harvey to feel like he didn’t want to fight for him, but he realized that maybe he hadn’t. Mike was willing to fight for Louis, but not Harvey? How screwed up was that?

“I thought we were on the same page.” Mike said, and realizing the moment he said it that it sounded wrong. That it sounded like he thought that neither of them wanted to be together. “I mean-“

“I get it.” Harvey said “When someone makes you promise them that you’re not going to fall in love with them, it’s all pretty clear.”

Harvey’s voice was calmer now, more broken, and Mike hated seeing him like that because he never let down his guard for anyone, and here he stood in front of Mike, giving him all he had, and Mike didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry.”

It was the crappiest thing he could have said.

“I don’t want to do this again.” Harvey said, biting his bottom lip and it looked like he was trying to stop himself from crying, because his eyes were already glistening and Mike wanted to wrap him up in his arms, but he felt like it didn’t matter because he had already ruined everything. “I did this with Zoe, and Scottie and everything went to shit.”

“Do what?” Mike asked, it was more of a whisper than a question, because his throat was tightening and he felt completely broken.

Harvey shook his head “It doesn’t matter, does it?”

“Of course it matters.” Mike replied, even though he didn’t know why it would. “I told you that I don’t want to lose you and now-“

“You’re not going to lose me, Mike.” Harvey said, he sounded both upset and mad, but not at Mike, which made everything just even worse. “I’ve never been able to give you up, have I?” He said it with a sad smile, as if he wasn’t expecting Mike to answer.

Instead, he just walked away and Mike was left staring after him.

That was it. It was over. The one thing Mike had told himself that he wasn’t going to screw up, he had. He had no idea how it had come to this, they had gone from flirting and laughing to yelling and breaking down in the matter of hours.

Mike knew he needed it though. He needed Harvey to say it out loud, even though he had asked him not to. All along, Mike had thought that if he didn’t express how he felt or gave Harvey the opportunity to, then it wouldn’t get serious and they couldn’t get hurt.

Harvey had just said that Mike would never lose him, he could let Harvey walk away and they would still be friends, colleagues. They would stand strong, and Mike wouldn’t have to risk any more heartbreak.

That though, was not an option.

Harvey had just poured his heart out, in a way Mike had never seen before. He wasn’t sure anyone had ever seen that. It was because of Mike’s stupid insecurities and mistakes that had made Harvey feel like he wasn’t good enough, that there was something wrong with _him._

Mike wasn’t going to let him believe that, no way in hell. He would rather risk heartbreak and misery if it meant just one more night with Harvey, one more kiss, one more morning waking up in his arms, or one more chance of hearing that amazing laugh that seemed reserved for him.

He should have gotten his shit together earlier, he should have known.

Mike was running after Harvey before he even realized his feet were moving. If this was his last chance, then he had to take it no matter what the outcome might be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys hate me? I kind of hate me.   
> Next chapter will be Harvey's POV.


	27. Chapter 27

It was cold outside. Harvey had always hated the cold.

He had just left the party without so much as a goodbye to anyone, he hadn’t told Jessica, or Donna. He just wanted to be alone.

Harvey almost chuckled bitterly at the thought. That wasn’t true at all. He didn’t want to be alone. He had wanted to be with Mike. Every fiber in his body had been drawn to Mike like a magnet, Harvey had felt it ever since Mike had first kissed him, no, ever since he had first _met him._

That kid who had dropped a suitcase of weed on the floor in front of an attorney, and still been able to act too cocky for his own good and proof his worth to the best closer in town.

What Mike had lacked in education, he had made up for in heart. Even though Harvey hadn’t been able to see it, or admit it, Mike had been exactly what Harvey had needed. They had been so alike, but also completely opposite. They had pushed each other and become better men because of it.

Harvey swallowed heavily as he put his hands in his pockets.

He had screwed up bad. Getting drunk and yelling at Mike for not wanting the same thing he did was a douche move, but when he had first started rambling about Rachel, he hadn’t been able to stop himself. Harvey didn’t regret it though, for once he was honest with himself and with the person he tried to be with before things went out of hand.

He scoffed. Things were already out of hand.

Harvey snapped out of his thoughts when he felt his phone vibrate in the pocket of his coat, he sighed and checked the screen, cursing himself as the cold air hit his fingers.

_Mike_

Mike was calling.

Harvey didn’t want to talk to him, but he really didn’t want to go home and go to bed and wondering what Mike would have said either.

If a picture of Mike’s stupid face hadn’t popped up on his screen when he called, Harvey might not have answered it.

“Mike, whatever it is, it can wait-“

_‘It was that stupid panda’._

Harvey stopped dead in his tracks and his brows furrowed in confusion as he moved to lean up against the nearest building so he wouldn’t stand in the way of the busy New-Yorkers pacing back and forth on the sidewalk.

“What?” He asked into the phone.

_‘You were leaving for Staten Island, and you were in a hurry and you still took the time to get my grandmother’s painting from storage and put it up on the wall’_

Mike sounded breathless. Harvey had still no idea what he was talking about.

“Yes?” He asked, not understanding why they were on this road down memory lane when all Harvey wanted to do was go home and sleep for a week.

_‘You told me to give you a call when I knew for sure if I was in love with you’_

Harvey’s breath hitched.

_‘The thing is, that’s when I knew,’_

Mike sounded like each word came out on a laugh, if it was happy or sad, Harvey couldn’t tell. Harvey didn’t know what to say, he just wanted to listen. That was a first.

_‘You stayed with me in the hospital and you yelled at the nice nurses that tried sending you home, and you hung up that painting even though I know you think it’s really ugly’_

Harvey had to let out a laugh as well.

_‘I remember what I said when I was drunk, I told you I didn’t want to tell you how I felt until I was sure, but I was sure, I was already sure, I already knew’_

Harvey swallowed heavily “So what took you so long?” he asked.

_‘I’ve been busy’_

Harvey couldn’t help but and laugh, and he didn’t know if he loved or hated how the feeling in his chest could go from feeling like a cold stone weighing on him, to a warmth spreading through his body, and it was just because of Mike.

_‘If you can just forgive me one last time… Just turn around, please’._

Harvey frowned for a moment before realizing exactly what Mike was telling him, his hands weren’t cold any longer as if he was clutching the phone so tightly. It would be so easy to just walk away.

Nothing was easier than turning around.

There he was.

Mike was standing a few feet away, his phone in his hand and an expression on his face that Harvey had never seen before. When Harvey smiled and nodded at him though, Mike’s mouth split into a wide grin and he all but ran towards Harvey.

“I’m such an idiot.” Was the first thing Mike said when he reached Harvey.

Harvey had to agree, but decided to kiss him anyway.

Mike was almost shocked at that, and it took a moment before he relaxed in Harvey’s arms and clutched the collar in front of Harvey’s coat in his hands. He pulled away slowly and rested his forehead against Harvey’s, as if it kept him from drifting away.

“Say something.” Mike said on a whisper, his eyes were closed as if he didn’t dare to look Harvey in the eye.

“How long were you following me for?” Harvey asked, and laughed when he felt Mike chuckle against him.

“Really?” Mike asked as his tongue darted out to wet his lips. “I just caught up, actually.”

“I’m glad you did.” Harvey said as his palm found it’s way to Mike’s cheek, he was flushed and looked like he had been running for a while so Harvey believed him. “

“Me too.” Mike said with a wide grin. “Now what?”

“Now we go home, it’s freezing outside.” Harvey said, before giving Mike a kiss on his temple.

“Hmm.” Mike said “My place is the closest.”

Harvey smiled as Mike reached out and entwined his fingers with Mike before putting both of their hands in Harvey’s pocket.

They walked home in what seemed like an awkward silence, but it was actually the exact opposite, it was a comforting silence that let them both know that they didn’t need to say anything. At least not right away. Harvey had been so high on adrenaline after he had stormed out of the office that the buzz from the alcohol had barely affected him, now that they were strolling down the street and everything seemed to be calming down though, he could really tell how much he had had to drink that night.

Mike didn’t seem to care though, they were both swaying lightly and Mike would only laugh whenever Harvey missed a step or slurred a bit when he tried telling Mike something.

In a way, Harvey had expected them to be all over each other the second they were in the elevator, but that didn’t happen though. Mike had only smiled at him before humming a bit and dragging Harvey towards him by his tie and kissing him tenderly a few times.

It was perfect.

There weren’t any tearing of clothes, or drunken and sloppy kissing against the kitchen counters. Instead, they got rid of their ties, shoes and jackets, Mike got them both a couple of bottles of water and a big bowl of cocoa puffs and they flopped down on the bed and argued about what to watch on Netflix.

“How are you feeling?” Mike asked as he turned off the TV after a rather disappointing episode of _Mad Men._ “You think you’re going to hurl?”

Harvey turned his head and glared at him “I’m leaving the drunken vomiting to you, since you are so good at it.”

“You are never going to let that go, are you?” Mike asked, and Harvey rested his head against the headboard and smiled softly at Mike.

“Never.” He said, surprised at how soothing his own voice sounded.

Mike smiled back at him before putting the empty bowl on the nightstand and getting rid of the water bottles. When he settled back on the bed, he laid down on his side, facing Harvey.

Harvey looked at him for a moment before he laid down as well, propping his head up on the pillow and smiling at Mike.

“Hi.” Mike said.

Harvey grinned at him. “Hello.”

“You and me.” Mike said, his voice low and almost insecure. “It makes sense.”

Harvey nodded against the pillow, he was so tired and now that he was laying down, he was getting slightly dizzy from the alcohol again. “It does.”

“So a relationship then?” Mike asked “Da-ting.”

He said the word in such a way as if he was thinking about every aspect of it for the first time, and Harvey couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Only if that’s what you want.” Harvey said, his voice so low it was barely a whisper. With the light from the TV gone, the room was darker and everything seemed quieter. Mike’s face was partly lit up from the lights escaping through the window from the city outside, and Harvey had to resist the urge to trace the lines on his face with his fingertips.

Mike leaned in and kissed him. Harvey had already known the answer anyway.

Harvey pulled back slowly, but their face was still only inches apart. He closed his eyes and let himself drift away from a moment.

“Say it.” He said, not even realizing it was his own voice until he heard it out loud.

“What?” Mike asked back, Harvey opened his eyes and noticed how Mike’s eyes were glistening, probably because he was tired as well. They weren’t cold anymore, but Harvey still didn’t want to put any distance between them.

“You told me that you’ve known how you felt since the night you came back from the hospital.” Harvey said “Tell me.”

Mike looked at him with a mesmerized gaze, and Harvey wondered what exactly it was he was thinking.

“I know it’s selfish.” Mike replied. “But I don’t want to say it unless you’re going to say it back.” Mike whispered.

Harvey leaned in impossibly closer, and his pinky brushed against Mike’s hand. “Say it.”

Mike’s breath hitched and he swallowed. “I love you.”

If he wasn’t so tired, Harvey might have let out a laugh. Mike’s voice was so low that he could barely hear him, but it was still clear as day. Harvey just smiled before reaching out, putting a finger softly against the side of Mike’s mouth.

“I love you too.”

Mike didn’t say anything for a while, and when he did answer, all he said was “Okay.”

“Okay.” Harvey replied.

“It’s snowing outside.”

Harvey didn’t bother turning around to look out the window, he was way too tired and all he wanted to do was fall asleep.

“Cocoa puffs aren’t so bad after all.” Harvey said as his arm went around Mike’s body, and he wasn’t even bothered by how Mike’s breath tickled his face.

“Told you.” Mike said “You’ll be here tomorrow.”

It wasn’t a question.

“Yes.”

Harvey answered anyway.

Within moments, Mike’s breathing evened out and he was asleep. Harvey carefully reached out and ran his fingers through Mike’s hair, knowing it was going to stick up in every direction the next morning anyway. Mike barely stirred, and Harvey smiled at him.

Mike had asked him once if he had ever thought about how his life would have been like if he had hired someone from Harvard that day. The thought might have struck his mind every once and again, but he had never really considered it, just like he had told Mike. For the first time though, he was really thinking about it.

What if he had hired some guy with a flawless application and a boring interview. Someone who would do exactly what Harvey told him regardless about how he felt about the client or the situation. Someone who wouldn’t fight Harvey every step of the way whenever he felt like Harvey made a horrible decision. Wouldn’t Harvey’s life had been so much easier?

Harvey hated the thought. Whatever his life might have been like if he hadn’t hired Mike, he couldn’t possibly be any happier than he was right now.

He should probably tell Mike that.

Maybe tomorrow.

When Harvey woke up the next morning, it was from his phone buzzing away on the nightstand. He frowned and reached out to see who it was, but stopped when he heard Mike wake up.

“Don’t answer it.” He said.

“I have to see who it is.” Harvey answered as he got his phone and looked at the screen. “It’s Donna.”

“Don’t answer it.” Mike repeated, and Harvey smiled at him.

“One minute, okay?” Harvey said as he answered and pressed the phone to his ear. Mike groaned, but threw an arm around Harvey’s waist and rested his head on his chest.

“Hey, Donna.” He said as he put his free arm around Mike, holding him tightly. His neck was a little sore from laying in an awkward position all night, and he was sweaty since he was still in his suit, but that was nothing compared to the major hangover he was having.

Harvey smiled as he listened to Donna talk and looked down at Mike “Yes, Mike is here.”

Mike grinned at him.

“Me too.” Harvey said, and Mike looked up at him with his eyebrows raised, curious about what Donna was saying. “Okay, bye.”

He hung up and sighed heavily. “Mike.” He said, his voice turning serious.

“Oh no.” Mike said on another groan. “I told you not to answer it.”

Harvey chuckled. “No, nothing like that.” he said as he kissed the top of his head. “She was just checking up on me- but you seriously need to move.”

“What?” Mike asked “Oh, god are you going to puke?” He asked as he got off Harvey’s chest and sat up on the bed.

It was Harvey’s turn to groan as he sat up as well. “I feel like shit.”

Mike ran a hand over his face “Yeah, me too.” He said before letting out a breath. “Our plan backfired on us.”

“Yeah.” Harvey agreed, there had been no drunken and fun flirting, and no mind-blowing sex, which was probably a good thing. Harvey still smiled and put a hand on Mike’s thigh. Harvey was sure that they were still both happy about how the evening had turned out.

“I need a shower.” Harvey said.

“I’ll see if I can find you some spare clothes.” Mike said as he leaned in and kissed the side of Harvey’s mouth. “Your breath stinks by the way.”

“Hmm.” Harvey said “It’s going to be like this from now on, then?”

Mike nodded “Yeah, but if you tell me you love me again I’ll make you some coffee and breakfast.”

Harvey grinned at him. “I’d tell Paul Porter I love him to get a cup of coffee right about now.”

“Fine.” Mike said cockily as he got up from the bed and into the bathroom, within a few moments Harvey could hear the shower running. That kid was going to be an even bigger pain in his ass now than he was before. Harvey didn’t mind.

Instead he got up from the bed, trying to ignore the nausea that followed and went into the bathroom after Mike. “Aspirin?” he asked.

Mike stuck his head out from behind the shower curtain and smiled at him before pointing towards one of the shelves by the door. Harvey turned around and let out a relieved sigh as he took a couple of aspirin and rinsed them down with water from the sink, not bothering to go into the kitchen.

He leaned against the side of the sink for a moment, thinking about how he hadn’t been had such a hangover since Harvard.

“Mike.” Harvey called out.

“Yeah?” Mike asked back.

Harvey smiled. “I love you.” He said as he took a step forward, not caring if he got wet. “I really do.”

Mike popped his head out again and smiled at Harvey “I’ll be out in a second.” He answered.

Harvey cocked his head to the side before he started unbuttoning his shirt. “How about I join you?”

Mike grinned. “Well, we should probably preserve the hot water.”

“Probably a good idea.” Harvey said as he got out of his clothes, leaving them on Mike’s bathroom floor.

Mike wrapped his arms around Harvey the moment he entered the shower, and as the hot water rushed over them, Harvey immediately felt a lot better. There was barely room for the two of them in the shower cabinet, but Harvey didn’t mind as Mike all but plastered himself around Harvey while kissing his neck.

They still felt like shit so nothing really happened except for a couple of kisses and Mike tenderly massaging Harvey’s sore neck as they washed up. There was no way Harvey was complaining. 

After their shower, Mike found some fresh clothes for Harvey to borrow and then he made good on his promise to make Harvey a perfect hangover-breakfast. As Harvey dove into his eggs and bacon, he couldn't help but notice that each time he looked up, Mike was smiling at him.

"Do I have something on my face?" Harvey asked as he reached out to grab a napkin, but stopped when Mike shook his head. 

"Do you have any idea how amazing you are?" Mike asked, and Harvey was a little taken back by the question. In any other situation, he might have grinned and said something cocky that would make Mike roll his eyes at him, but the way Mike was looking at him made Harvey unable to answer. "Thank you."

"For what?" Harvey asked then.

"Giving me a second chance." Mike replied, and then shrugged "Or like, a million second chances."

Harvey just looked at Mike's face for a moment, studying his expression, before his own face broke into a smile. "It wasn't that hard."

"Which just makes you even more amazing." Mike replied. "I'm not going to make you regret it this time, I promise."

Harvey let out a breath before scooting his chair closer to Mike's. "Mike." he said as he reached out and stroked Mike's cheek tenderly, smiling when Mike closed his eyes for a second and leaned into the touch. "I have never once regretted forgiving you."

Mike let out a small, but sincerely happy laugh then before he placed his own hand on top of Harvey's before bringing it to his lips and kissing it carefully. 

"I'm happy." Harvey said then, remembering what he had thought about in his drunken state the previous night. "Just thought you should know."

Mike grinned sheepishly at him, and Harvey almost wanted to roll his eyes at him, but decided not to.

"What are you doing today?" Harvey asked, as he wanted nothing more than to finish his breakfast and get back into bed with Mike, and spend the rest of the day there. Just one day of being together without having to worry if the world might fall apart.

"Actually, there's something I have to do."


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! So here's the thing, I NEVER watch the newest episode before writing my chapter because I don't want to get too influenced by the canon. So I wrote this before I watched the episode where Louis and Mike become friends again, and I'm really happy that I did, because otherwise I probably would have been so conflicted. Loved the new episode by the way, it had EVERYTHING.

Mike had no fucking idea how he had ended up in this situation. It seemed like a lifetime ago that he had spent most of his days at Trevor and Jenny’s apartment, smoking weed and talking shit about how happy he was that he never went to Harvard and ended up a snotty asshole.

In a way, he had always been living a lie. The day he had covered for Trevor and ruined his own life had been one of the worst moments of Mike’s life and he had regretted it for as long as he could remember.

For the first time in what seemed like forever though, Mike didn’t regret all the bad choices he’d made because it had led to the life he had now. Mike was amazingly and fiercely in love with Harvey Specter and even though it had seemed impossible, Harvey was in love with him too.

Mike wished that things could have been different, that he had actually showed up to that interview with a degree and a resume instead of a suitcase full of weed, but no one could say how that would have went. Maybe he had become a snotty asshole and Harvey had hated him immediately and never would have hired him in a million years.

All these thoughts were running through his head as Mike sighed heavily and took a deep breath before he knocked on the wooden door in front of him.

It took a moment, then another one, but then Mike could hear footsteps before the door opened in front of him.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“We are going to talk.” Mike said, as he put his hands in his pockets. “I know you probably have a million questions that you haven’t wanted to ask because you’re too proud, so this is your chance… Or I’m just going to talk and you can listen, but either way, we are talking about this.”

“You have ten minutes.” Louis said before he turned on his heel and walked back inside. Mike would take what he could get, and all but hurried after Louis, as he was sure that the man was counting the minutes.

Louis was already sitting on the couch in the living room when Mike entered. His legs were crossed and his expression stern, as if Mike was going to an audition or an interview that would be impossible to pass. 

“Go on then.” Louis said, his voice sounded bitter and Mike was getting so tired of that attitude that he really just wanted to punch him in the face. Instead, he sighed heavily and almost smiled at Louis.

“Why are you so mad at me?” Mike asked.

Louis didn’t answer at once, as if he thought Mike was kidding. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I am.” Mike replied.

“Fine, I’ll play along.” Louis said before crossing his arms as well. “You’ve been lying to me every day for as long as we’ve known each other, you are a _fraud_ and you and everyone else who was in on your dirty little secret made me look like _a fool_.”

Mike nodded before putting his hands back in his pockets. “I get that.” Mike said “So what would you have wanted me to do?”

Louis furrowed his brows at Mike, looking confused for a moment. “What the hell are you asking?”

“I think I was pretty clear.” Mike said before sitting down in a chair opposite of Louis. “Would you have wanted me to tell you the truth? Because we both know that if you had known the truth, you would have wasted no time in throwing Harvey and me under the bus.”

“True.” Louis answered, almost sounding proud about it.

“So, why on earth would I do that?” Mike asked “What would you have done in my shoes?”

Louis scoffed “I would never be in your shoes.”

“You are now.” Mike said, still calm and keeping his composure. “You are in the same boat as the rest of us now.”

“I am not a fraud.”

It was Mike’s turn to scoff. “No?” he asked “You’re name partner because of my secret, you used that secret to get exactly what you wanted… Right now, you’re no better than the rest of us.”

“That’s-“

“So what exactly would you have wanted me to do?” Mike asked again, raising his voice a little, but still trying to sound serious and not let his emotions get in the way of his arguments. This was his one chance to get this all out in the open, and he knew he needed to make the best of it. “As we have both agreed it would have been idiotic of me to tell you back then and if I had told you after we became friends then that would have put you in the same shitty situation that everyone else is in…”

“Friends? Friends don’t lie to each other.” Louis said, and there was that awful bitterness again.

“They do when they are trying to protect each other.” Mike said, resisting the urge to bite his lips. “Do you honestly think that I am relieved that Rachel knows? Or Donna? Or even Jessica and Harvey?” Mike asked, and this time he couldn’t keep himself from almost yelling at the man in front of him. “It’s fucking awful to know that they are in such a compromising situation because of me!”

“So you’re saying that you didn’t want to put me through that?” Louis asked, his voice was so angry and it sounded like he didn’t believe what Mike was saying at all, but at least he was showing some emotions that meant that Mike was getting through to him.

“That’s part of it, yes.” Mike replied “Another part of it was that I was god damn terrified… I still am, every day I am scared that everything will go to shit and the people that has sacrificed so much to protect me will be dragged down with me.”

“Maybe that’s your punishment.” Louis answered.

Mike just looked at him for a moment, something was happening with Louis, he was insecure and Mike knew it.

“It’s better than yours.” Mike said “At least my friends will still go through hell and back for me, and I for them, all you have is your name on the wall.”

Mike knew that was he was saying wasn’t completely true, Louis had made up with Louis and he also had Katrina. He was on his way to being friends with everyone else, except for Mike. But Mike also knew that if it really came down to it, Mike would be chosen over Louis. Maybe not when it came to their careers, but with everything else. It wasn’t exactly fair, but that was the way it was.

“Is that why you’re here?” Louis asked.

“No.” Mike said “I am here because I wanted a chance to make things right, you can still be on the team, Louis.”

“Who says I want to?”

Mike couldn’t help but smile at him then, not even knowing why. “Because I know you.” Mike said “Whether you like it or not.”

“Everything has changed.” Louis said then, and finally Mike knew that Louis actually did miss his friends, and that maybe his actions had been wrong.

“Yeah, it has.” Mike answered, “So here is what we’re going to do, you talk about honesty, so…. You can ask me whatever you want about me, about how I got to where I am, and I will answer it honestly and if you still hate me afterwards then at least we both know that you are right to.”

Louis seemed to consider the offer for a little while “Anything?”

“Anything.” Mike said, wondering if he was going to regret that decision later. The last thing Mike wanted if this didn’t work out, was for Louis to get even more dirt on him, but he knew that this was something he needed to do.

“How will I know that you’ll be telling the truth?” Louis asked.

Mike bit the inside of his cheek before taking a deep breath, because he was afraid that he’d lash out at Louis if he wasn’t careful. He wasn’t there to fight, there’d been enough fighting and he was sick of it.

“Because every single thing that I’ve told you except for the fact that I never want to law school has been true.” Mike said “I swear.”

“How did you get the job?”

Mike almost smiled at the memory, but was able to repress the urge. “I stumbled upon Harvey’s interview by accident and Donna let me in.” He said, deciding not to give too many details unless Louis asked. “I proved myself to Harvey and that was that.”

“That easy?”

Mike couldn’t help but smile then “It wasn’t that easy.”

“So Harvey knew you were a fraud and all it took was five minutes with him and you got him to hire you?”

Mike wanted to defend Harvey, because Louis made it seem like he had no honor or loyalty to his job, but he decided against it. Mike had said that Louis could ask whatever he wanted, and Mike had to keep his end of the promise to answer.

“I can be very convincing.” Mike said, and then thought back on that day. Mike had believed that Harvey only hired him because the Harvard douches was boring him to hell, but now he knew that Harvey had seen something in him that Mike hadn’t even known existed back then. “And for your information, he tried to fire me after a day.”

“And?”

“I sort of blackmailed him.” Mike said “Did the whole ‘if I go down, then you go down with me’ thing, sound familiar?”

Louis looked like he was biting the inside of his cheek, as if he was holding back a remark. Mike wasn’t going to compare the situations though, because Mike would never do that now, not to his friends and certainly not to Harvey.

It took a while before Louis asked another question, but he wondered about how Jessica found out, and Mike hated going down that road. Just thinking about how Trevor had betrayed him still made his skin crawl, but he told Louis the story anyway, leaving out any personal details.

“Why didn’t you just go to law school?” Louis asked, “Too busy being the quarterback to focus on schoolwork?”

“What?” Mike asked on a laugh “Quarterback?”

“Please, you have prom king written all over you.” Louis said, sounding almost annoyed at the sheer thought.

Mike couldn’t help but let out another laugh. “Louis, do you honestly think that the stoner kid with the freak brain, who could remember everything he read and who spent his weekends at home with his grandmother, was popular?”

Louis looked almost baffled at that. “Well, when you put it like that.”

“Please.” Mike said “The closest thing I came to being on the football team was doing my homework while sitting on the bleachers, or smoking weed behind the locker rooms.” He offered Louis a smile. “I actually think that if we’ve known each other back then we would have been good friends and talking shit about the quarterback.”

Louis actually smiled at that, but he quickly pretended he hadn’t as he cleared his throat.

“Question still stands.”

Mike took a deep breath. “I went to college, and I was accepted to Harvard actually….” He said and then he remembered how he had covered up for Trevor, how disappointed his grandmother had been, and how shitty he had felt afterwards. “Then I screwed everything up, and never got back up.”

“Screwed up how?”

“Does it matter?” Mike asked, and now he was the one sounding bitter.

“You said I could ask anything.” Louis had that tone in his voice that sometimes made Mike’s skin crawl.

“Trevor convinced me to memorize a math test which he unknowingly sold to the dean’s daughter.” Mike said “I didn’t give up Trevor, and the dean was forced to resign, but before he did, he contacted Harvard to make sure I would never get in there.”

“That was incredibly stupid.” Louis said as if he almost couldn’t believe Mike would be that dumb. Most days, Mike couldn’t believe it either.

“I know.” Mike replied, and looked down at his knees for a moment, almost immediately regretting that he didn’t keep eye-contact with Louis the whole time. He didn’t want to show Louis how much his past still bothered him, when he tried so hard to think about the present and the future.

“Why the job?” Louis asked “I mean, was it really worth looking over your shoulder every day for the sake of a few moments in the spotlight?”

“I needed the money.” Mike said, and when Louis just looked at him, Mike sighed, knowing he would have to tell the whole story. They both knew that a guy with Mike’s talents would be able to get a decent job even without a degree, one that would give him enough money to get by, without having to live a lie. “My grandmother needed more care, and I didn’t have the money to pay for it, Harvey gave me the money in my signing bonus – then after she passed, work was the one thing I had going for me, the only friends I really had- _have_ is at the office and I wasn’t ready to give all that up as well.”

Louis took a deep breath then, and Mike could tell that he was thinking hard and thorough about everything Mike was telling him. Mike knew that maybe all of these questions just made Louis think he was even more selfish than he had originally thought, but Mike just needed to be completely honest with him for once.

“I remember Rachel telling me that you and I had something in common.” Louis said “Our love for the law.”

“I know.” Mike said, before he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his things and entwining his fingers. “When did everything get so screwed up, huh?”

Mike was almost surprised when Louis didn’t say answer.

“Why are you doing this now?” Louis asked “Coming here and telling me all this?”

Mike had hoped that Louis wouldn’t want to know why he had showed up and wanting to talk, because honestly, Mike didn’t even know himself why he had decided that this would be the day where everything would either get better or go straight to hell.

“We may not have agreed on everything lately – or ever.” Mike replied, almost wanting to laugh, because it all seemed so hopeless and Mike struggled to find the words to make it right. “But you were right about something, we used to be friends and you deserve the truth, even if you can’t forgive me.”

“It seems like we are beyond the point of no return, doesn’t it?” Was Louis’ reply. Mike bit his bottom lip and was about to nod in agreement before he realized that maybe Louis wasn’t talking about Louis being able to forgive Mike, but about everything that had happened between all of them.

“It doesn’t have to be.” Mike said before taking another deep breath. “You and Donna are getting along, aren’t you?”

“Things will never go back to the way they were.” Louis said, and he sounded more sad than bitter. Mike had never once thought that Louis might have kept going with his behavior because he had no idea how to stop and try to go back and fix things, that maybe Louis was regretting how everything had gone down as well.

“Because you won’t let this go.” Mike said “It was my mistake, they were trying to protect me, just like they have all tried to protect you at one point or another, that’s what friends do, Louis.”

“I was never on your team.”

“You’re wrong.” Mike answered sternly. “And I think you know that.”

“Why now?” Louis asked, “What changed?”

Mike smiled at him.

“Everything.” He said and Mike had to repress the sudden urge to just grin and throw his arms out, because even though he was there to make amends with Louis, he was also there for the man he loved. “I am happy for the first time in a very long time.” He said “And I remember a time when you had the chance to be happy and you chose to save my ass instead.”

Louis swallowed “Sheila.”

Mike nodded “Yes.” He said before sighing heavily, and tried for once to think about exactly what he was saying before he actually let the words escape his mouth. “So I am here _right now…._ ” Mike said before clearing his throat. “Because I am going to choose you.”

“What?” Louis asked as his eyebrows furrowed and his entire facial expression changed in one swift moment.

“You have everything you ever wanted, but the one thing that’s still hanging over your head, is me.” Mike answered, “I know that you _hate_ seeing me in that office every day, that it goes against everything you believe in, and how you and everyone else there worked so hard to get to where you are while I got it for nothing.» He felt his throat tightening as the words spilled out of his mouth, because even though he had thought about it a million times, it was so difficult hearing it in his own voice.

For a second it seemed like Louis was about to protest, but he didn’t. In a very weird way, it kind of broke Mike’s heart knowing that Louis agreed to what he was saying.

“I respect you, Louis.” Mike said, trying his best to keep his composure “You are one hell of a lawyer, and I know that if you could have, you would have fired me the moment you got your name on that wall.”

Louis just stared at him, as if he was still trying to figure out just exactly Mike was saying.

“So I am not going to disrespect you or the firm that you love for myself anymore.” Mike said “I’m choosing you.”

It took a moment for Louis to comprehend exactly what Mike was saying, but when he did, his jaw all but dropped open. “You’re quitting?”

Mike took a deep breath and tried his best not to let Louis see that tears were pressing behind his eyes. “Yes.” Mike said.

“Harvey would never let that happen.” Louis said.

Mike smiled sadly at him then “I’ll talk to him.”

“Why would you do that?” Louis asked.

“I just told you.”

“No, you didn’t.” Louis shook his head, probably still believing that there was some kind of catch that Mike hadn’t relieved yet.

“I am leaving, because I don’t think you will ever be able to forgive everyone else as long as I’m around to remind you of all that went down.”

Louis scoffed then which made Mike want to break something “So you’re doing this for them?”

“No, I am doing this for you.” Mike said “Because you need them more than you know… And also, because you love that firm and you think I'm ruining it.”

Louis looked Mike right in the eye for what seemed like the longest time, and Mike was sure that he had given away how awful this was for him to give up, because Louis took a deep breath as if he was considering the office.

“What would you do?”

Mike smiled “I don’t know.” He said “But I know that even though I _love_ my job… I don’t need it to be happy.” He said before shrugging his shoulders “I just thought I did.”

He wasn’t lying. Mike really did love his job. It gave him a sense of meaning, of belonging somewhere, a sense of accomplishment and being able to help people. For a long time, it had been something to keep him grounded and Mike knew that when things became too hard he had hid behind his work so he would be able to keep himself busy and not think about all the shit that was going on in his life.

Now that was different. Now he had Harvey, and when Harvey had told him that he loved him it had made Mike happier than his job would ever be able to. Harvey had promised to be there for him when he needed it, and even though he would probably be pissed that Mike was leaving, Mike also knew that he kept his promises. It wasn't all on Harvey though, and he knew that. Mike would be able to find something that gave him purpose again. They would get through this, and that was the most important thing.

It didn’t mean that quitting wouldn’t break Mike’s heart. All his friends were there, and he knew that no matter where he ended up, he would never feel that sense of belonging anywhere else. In a way, that job had been his first love.

“But Louis…” Mike said, his voice low and raspy. “When I hand in my resignation, you have to promise me that you’ll let this go… For your own sake.” Mike had to clear his throat, before continuing; just thinking about leaving that resignation on Jessica’s desk was dizzying. “Because it’s killing everything good in you and as your _friend…_ It really sucks to witness.”

That was it. There was nothing more to say. Nothing more to do.

So Mike offered Louis one last sad smile before he got up from his chair, put his hands in the pocket of his jacket that he hadn’t even bothered to take off, and walked away.

Mike’s heart still felt as if it would beat it’s way out his chest as he walked into the cold, winter air. It had started snowing again, and Mike was happy for the freshness in the air.

He wiped away the few tears that had managed to escape and was making their way down his cheeks, before putting his hands back in his pockets. This was it. Make or break.

He got his phone out of his pocket and realized Harvey had texted him. Mike smiled.

_Hey. What do I have to do to convince you to make that amazing pasta for dinner tonight?_

Mike let out a small laugh. Harvey and him hadn't even discussed plans for the night, but Harvey had probably just presumed that they would spent it together. Mike really didn't mind, he didn't want to be alone anyway. Besides, he had to sit down and have a real talk with Harvey to make him understand what he had just done.

No matter what, it would be okay. It wouldn’t be perfect, but it would be okay. Mike had taken a chance on Harvey, he had risked the most important thing in his life and the outcome had been more than he ever could have hoped for, so Mike knew that as long as he had that, it would be okay. As long as there was _something_ in his life that would make it all worth it, then Mike would get through.

His grandmother, college, his friends, Rachel, his work, Harvey, ambition, love… Mike should have realized this years ago, but it was just now dawning on him. He would love with intense passion, and sometimes things wouldn’t work out and it would be devastating, but there was always something or someone there to pick him up. Even if it took a long time, the world would make sense again. 

Right now, that thing was Harvey. 

His first love was in Louis’ hands now, but his life with Harvey was in his own. He was just beginning to learn that he couldn't put the responsibility of his own life on anyone else but himself. Mike just really loved the idea of knowing that someone was beside him when he needed it. 

_You don’t have to do anything. I’ll be over in an hour._

_Love you._


	29. Chapter 29

«I need to get up an hour earlier for an extra work-out tomorrow.» Harvey said as he leaned back in his chair and pointed to his empty plate. “That was awesome, Mike.”

“Or you could stay in and I can give you an extra work-out.” Mike replied and grinned at Harvey, which made him chuckle.

“I’m sure you will be very happy if I wake you up at five o’clock tomorrow.” Harvey said, before pouring himself a glass of water.

“You are clearly underestimating the power of morning sex.” Mike said as he held up a finger to make his point. His expression fell then and he bit the inside of his cheek, Harvey knew that look. Something was on Mike’s mind, but he didn’t know how to tell Harvey. These conversations rarely ended well.

“What’s on your mind, kid?” Harvey asked, and when Mike looked at him with his eyebrows raised and all but stammered out his reply, Harvey just cocked his head to the side. “It’s written all over your face, so just spit it out.”

“Okay.” Mike said as he took a napkin and wiped his mouth before getting up from his seat and reaching his hand out, gesturing for Harvey to take it. Harvey was seriously confused, and also a little worried, but he took Mike’s hand anyway and let Mike drag him to his feet. “Let’s talk.” Mike said as they went over to the couch.

Harvey didn’t say anything as he sat down and watched Mike as he was trying to figure out just how to start their conversation.

“I have to tell you something.” Mike said then “And you’re probably going to be mad, but just let me make my case before you lose your shit, okay?”

Harvey’s first instinct was the same as it had been in every other relationship he had been in: to presume the worst. Mike was still in love with Rachel, or he had already cheated, or he had changed his mind and didn’t want to be with Harvey, he had betrayed him in some way, or Trevor was back in town and something had gone to shit. All these different scenarios were running through Harvey’s head, but he didn’t say anything out loud because he knew it wouldn’t be fair and he also knew that he was probably crazy. Mike was better than that, and Harvey believed in their relationship and they had risked too much just to be together so Harvey had to learn to see the best in things, instead of always fearing the worst.

“Okay.” Harvey said “Just one question first, is this about us?”

“Us as in our relationship?” Mike asked, and Harvey nodded.

Mike smiled at him and shook his head “No, not like that.” He said “But ten points for worrying about us first.”

Harvey wanted to smile at him in return, but first he wanted to know exactly what was going through Mike’s head.

“Okay, so here’s the thing.” Mike said, and then he took a deep breath and Harvey was almost worried that Mike was going to say that he was sick, because whatever it was that he was going to say, it wasn’t very good news. “I may be leaving the firm.” He said “Quitting.”

Out of all the scenario and possibilities that Harvey had imagined, that had not been one of them, which meant that Harvey hadn’t really thought of a reply either. Instead, he just left gaping at Mike for a moment, not really being able to tell f Mike was serious or not.

“What are you talking about?” Harvey asked when he was finally able to comprehend what Mike was saying.

“That might have been a stupid starter-line.” Mike said, and Harvey could tell that he was mentally kicking himself.

“You think?”

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot, okay?” Mike said, and then he got that look on his face again like he was struggling to find the right words. “Ever since Louis- no, before Louis figured out the truth I have been thinking about a way to make things better again, to make it easier… And the answer is pretty simple.”

“You are not quitting.” Harvey answered stubbornly. “Is that what you were doing all day?” he asked, but before Mike could answer, Harvey felt anger start to boil up inside of him. “Did you talk to _Jessica_ before you even bothered to mention it to me?”

“No, Harvey…” Mike said, and Harvey almost felt bad for yelling at Mike when he had just promised to keep his cool until Mike was done talking. “I haven’t talked to Jessica and as for where I went today… I was with Louis.”

Now Harvey was truly baffled. “What?”

Mike sighed heavily and scooted a little closer to Harvey. “After everything that happened the other night, it really made me think about what’s important in my life right now.”

“You sound like you’re dying.” Harvey said, because honestly, he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what Mike was thinking. “So you realized that your job and everything you-no, _we’ve_ fought for wasn’t important?”

“You’re misunderstanding everything.” Mike said “Don’t you ever think that everything we’ve done together isn’t important to me…”

“Then what the hell are you telling me here?” Harvey asked, and he could _feel_ his entire being distancing himself from Mike, even though he tried his best not to.

“Just listen, please.” Mike asked pleadingly. “Right now I have everything going for me, I have a fantastic apartment, I’m actually good at what I do and I have an _incredibly_ sexy boyfriend.”

It felt both very weird and incredibly awesome to be referred to as Mike’s boyfriend.

“I’m very happy, Harvey.” Mike said, grinning so widely that his eyes almost glistened and it made Harvey shiver. “And I’ve been thinking a lot about my parents lately, and my grandmother…. What they would have wanted for me.”

“Mike.” Harvey said “They would have been so proud of you.”

Mike smiled at him.

“I hope so.” He answered, “After I didn’t graduate college, my grandmother was just waiting for me to get my shit together.”

Mike took a deep breath, and Harvey reached out and put a hand on his arm for comfort. He knew that Mike would never really get over losing his parents, and later losing his grandmother who was the only family he had left. Harvey couldn’t imagine how it must have felt like. 

“Then I stumbled into that interview.” He said, and Harvey loved it when Mike smiled at the memory. “Gammy was so pissed at me when I told her I wanted to leave, she said it was my chance to finally get things right.”

“She was right.” Harvey said, and sighed when Mike’s expression changed. Mike was probably tired of the interruptions even though Harvey was trying to be nice. “No, Mike, listen.” Harvey said “When I hired you, I just gave you the opportunity that you deserved.”

“Back then, I didn’t deserve any of it.” Mike answered.

“Now you’re just annoying.” Harvey said, and almost grinned when Mike let out a laugh. “If you hadn’t been so god damn loyal to that idiot of a best friend that you had, then you probably would have given me a run for my money by now.”

Mike smiled hugely at him.

“You deserved all of it, Mike.” Harvey said “And your grandmother knew that.”

Mike nodded then, and Harvey was glad that he was getting through to him.

“I still don’t understand why you want to quit.” Harvey asked. Now he was calm again, and he knew that it was much easier for Mike to tell Harvey what was going on when Harvey wasn’t threatening to throw something across the room whenever Mike tried to explain.

“I don’t _want_ to.” Mike said “But now I’ve done it. I’ve gotten my shit together and I’ve proved to myself what I can do if I am willing to fight for it.”

Harvey didn’t say anything, he just watched as Mike tried his best to explain himself.

“I don’t need the job to tell me what I’m capable of anymore.” Mike said and held up a hand the second he could see that Harvey wanted to protest. “Not done.” He said with a sad smile. “When I grew up, Trevor was my best friend, he was the only friend I had and Gammy really couldn’t stand him.”

“So you didn’t get your horrible judgment from her then.” Harvey remarked, as he couldn’t help himself.

Mike actually smacked his knee.

“Can you be serious?” Mike asked “I am trying to make a point here.”

“Sorry.” Harvey said as he held up his hands in defeat.

“Now I have really great friends.” Mike said, and the way he said it made Harvey’s heart break. As if Mike really couldn’t believe that he had such amazing friends that would be there in such a way that Trevor probably never was. “Even though I know that my parents and my grandmother would want me to put myself first, I don’t think any of them would be very happy if they knew that I threw one of those friends away for my own selfish reasons.”

“Are you talking about Louis?” Harvey asked, raising his eyebrows “Because I won’t let you throw away everything you’ve worked so hard for because he’s pissy about you still working for us.”

“It’s not about just that.” Mike said, before letting out a huff of air and nervously scratching his thigh. Harvey wondered if that was a habit Mike had picked up recently or if he’d just never noticed before. “Louis chose me over Sheila, if it wasn’t for him I would probably be stuck in a black hole with Frostman right now.” He continued. “He was my friend, Harvey. And it’s not just about him, it’s about all of you _and_ the firm.”

Harvey almost couldn’t believe what he was hearing, but for the sake of Mike and their relationship, he tried so hard to figure out and comprehend just exactly what it was Mike was telling him.

“You’re really serious, aren’t you?” Harvey asked.

“Yes.” Mike said “I am.”

“No.” Harvey said stubbornly. “You’re not leaving.”

“Harvey-“ Mike said and Harvey could understand his frustration, because he probably felt like Harvey wasn’t listening to him. That wasn’t true, Harvey had listened to him, he just didn’t’ agree.

“Mike.” Harvey said, aware that he was raising his voice. “I get it, okay? I do.”

He took a deep breath before continuing.

“But you are a lawyer, degree or not.” Harvey said “You are meant to be doing this, and we are going to see it through together.”

Mike smiled widely at him, but there was still a sadness behind it and Harvey realized that he hadn’t been able to change Mike’s mind about this. “I wish we could do that.” Mike said “I wish that the two of us could take over New York together and show all of them what we are capable of, but we both know that that’s not a possibility.”

“Why the hell not?” Harvey asked.

“Because even if you believe so, I’m not a lawyer… At least not in the traditional sense.” Mike replied “You know I can never be in the spotlight, and as long as you and I are working together then I am not helping you along, I am dragging you down with me.”

“I wouldn’t be where I am if it wasn’t for you.” Harvey said, and that was the first time he had ever dared to say that out loud.

Harvey had gotten a long way before he met Mike, but it was Mike that finally got through to him and showed him that there was more to being a lawyer than just winning. Mike had showed him compassion and helped prove himself to Jessica and to the world that he was worthy of being a name partner.

In the back of his mind though, Harvey was starting to understand what Mike was saying. He hated admitting it, but he knew that Mike was right. As long as Mike was on the team, neither Harvey or the firm could really shine because there was always that risk that it might catch the attention of someone who would want to find out the truth about Mike’s life, his background, and then his secret.

“You know I’m right, don’t you?” Mike asked, and that question almost broke Harvey’s heart. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s really not.” Harvey said “Maybe it has to be like that someday, but not today.” He said “Mike, for the first time in a long time, everything seems to be going okay, and if things go to shit now, the firm _needs you._ ”

Mike shrugged and gave Harvey another sad smile. “I’d love to stay.” Mike answered. “I will stay if Louis lets me.”

Harvey bit the inside of his cheek, and had to resist the urge to get up from the couch and yell at Mike, but he knew that he couldn’t. “I can’t tell you how much I hate that this is up to Louis Litt.”

“Promise me that if he wants me gone, then you won’t hate him for it.”

“Please.” Harvey said “I have plenty of reasons to hate him already.”

“Harvey.” Mike said on a laugh as he scooted even closer and grabbed Harvey’s hands and squeezed them. “Promise me.”

“Why would you go and do this without discussing it with me first?” Harvey asked “You knew it would piss me off.”

“I was afraid you’d talk me out of it.” Mike answered “I want us to make decisions together, but I needed to do this for myself.”

“Damn straight I would have tried talking you out of it.” Harvey said, and then sighed heavily before he let go of one of Mike’s hands, only to grab Mike by the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss. He didn’t even wait for Mike to respond, before he tried to deepen it, breathing in and trying to remember the taste of Mike’s lips as if it were the last time he would have the chance to.

When Harvey pulled back, Mike let out a small whine and tried to follow Harvey’s lips with his own. “Now you’re the one acting like I’m dying.” Mike said, and Harvey just smiled at him, his hand still stroking Mike’s neck.

“Shut up.” Harvey responded before pulling back even more so he could see Mike’s face “Being in a relationship with you is hard work, seriously.”

“It’s been two days.”

“Exhausting.”

Mike pouted, before smiling at Harvey, and this time Harvey could not help but smile back.

“Do you want to stay the night?” Harvey asked as he casually ran his hand up and down Mike’s thigh. Mike hummed before answering.

“I don’t have any clothes here.” Mike said “I think it’ll be better if I head home, it’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

Harvey didn’t even want to think about it. “I remember being promised morning sex.”

Mike grinned at him “I’ll make it up to you.”

“Yeah.” Harvey answered before leaning in and giving Mike a quick kiss “You better.”

Mike offered Harvey one last smile before he got up from the couch and went to retrieve his jacket. Harvey really hated the winter, but at least it had stopped snowing.

“You’ll take a cab, yeah?” Harvey asked, “It’s late.”

Mike nodded as he put on his shoes, nearly tripping over his own feet in doing so. Harvey scoffed, and tried his best not to let out a laugh.

“Shut up.” Mike said on a pout, before he went over to the door and opened it. Harvey was on his way to give Mike one last kiss goodnight before he realized Mike was staring at something.

“Louis.” Mike said, and Harvey furrowed his eyebrows as he went over to where Mike was standing. Sure enough, Louis was standing in Harvey’s doorway, as if he was about to knock the door when Mike opened it. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, obviously I am here to see Harvey, seeing as this is his apartment.” Louis said as he looked Mike up and down with a puzzled look on his face.

“Right.” Mike said, and then just stood there awkwardly, looking from Louis to Harvey. “I’ll just leave you to it then.”

“See you tomorrow, Mike.” Harvey said, keeping his eyes on Louis, as he was trying to read the other man, to figure out what exactly what he was doing there.

“Yeah.” Mike said on a cough as he hurried past Louis and into the elevator. Harvey let Louis inside and gave Mike one last nod of confidence before the elevator doors closed.

Harvey sighed heavily as he closed his own door and followed Louis, who was already inside the apartment. “It’s late, Louis.” He said “What are you doing here?”

Louis pointed to the door and let out a breath “Mike told you then?”

“Yeah, he told me.” Harvey answered, as he had to keep reminding himself that this was Mike’s choice, even though Harvey was almost certain that Mike never would have been so distraught if Louis had never been such an intimidating ass when he had first learned Mike’s secret. “So what do you want?”

“Do you know why he did it?”

“For you, for himself, the firm?” Harvey said, even though he had just listened to Mike try to explain it to him, it still felt unreal. Harvey sighed as he went over to get himself a drink, he held up another glass and silently asked Louis if he wanted one as well.

“Are you going to poison it?” Louis asked, but went over and accepted the drink that Harvey poured for him anyway.

“If I was going to kill you I would have done it with my own two hands.” Harvey answered as he resisted the urge to down the whole drink.

Louis bit his lip and nodded in understanding before he pointed over at the table “You made him dinner?” He asked as he raised his eyebrows in confusion. “So Mike also lied when he told me he couldn’t even get you to go out for a lunch with him?”

“No, he didn’t, Louis.” Harvey said on a sigh, he was tired and the thought of not working with Mike anymore was still painfully running around his head. The last thing he wanted to hear right now was Louis talking shit about his boyfriend. “Things have changed, Louis.” He answered.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” Louis said, and Harvey couldn’t help but notice how unhappy he seemed about that.

“Don’t make him leave, Louis.” Harvey said, as he was really starting to feel what an emotional roller coaster the last couple of days had been.

“Harvey.” Louis said strictly “We both know that him being at our firm-“

“Mike has done nothing but elevate that firm!” Harvey argued.

“He’s not a lawyer.” Louis said, and that just pissed Harvey off even more.

“Bullshit!” Harvey said as he downed his drink before slamming it on the kitchen counter. “When you decided to drown him in work to prove he _wasn’t_ a lawyer, he worked so hard to prove you wrong that he ended up in the god damn hospital!”

When Louis didn’t answer, Harvey just sighed heavily before swallowing. “You got what you’ve always wanted.” He said “Let him have what he’s always wanted, you _know_ that if there comes a time when he needs to leave, that he will, even if it kills him.”

Louis wetted his lips before taking a deep breath “He told me this morning that one of the reasons he thought he needed to leave was because we would never get back to the way we were if he didn’t.” He said “But you’d never forgive me if I wanted him gone, would you? None of you would.”

Harvey just looked at Louis for a moment, as he wondered what Louis was really after. Validation? Was this a pity party? Harvey was too tired to figure it out, so instead he just shook his head.

“Mike made me promise that I wouldn’t hold this against you.” Harvey said as he crossed his arms over his chest “So I won’t.”

Louis furrowed his brows “Just like that?”

“Yes.” Harvey answered, “Mike is an adult and he seems to have made up his mind about this. Believe it or not, Louis, but not everyone has made it their life mission to hold a grudge against someone.”

“There it is.” Louis said as he pointed accusingly at Harvey. “That will always come back to haunt me.”

“It will stop haunting you the day you let it go, trust me.” Harvey said. He wanted to argue, he wanted to yell at Louis and the world, most of all he wanted Mike to get back in there so he could yell at him. Instead, he just let out another breath. “We have all done really stupid shit, but we forgive each other and move past it.”

Louis nodded, and Harvey was surprised to see him agree. “You asked me to be the best man at your wedding.” Harvey said, “If my opinion still means anything to you, remember that.”

“What has changed?” Louis asked “I’m not blind, I saw something go down with you and Mike last night and this morning Mike suddenly decided that-“

“Mike didn’t _suddenly_ decide anything.” Harvey replied, clearly irritated at this point. “He has been feeling so guilty about lying to you since you got fired – hell, probably even before that.”

“How do you know?” He asked, but he seemed more curious than bitter.

Harvey scoffed “He lived with me, remember?” Harvey asked “You know, when one of the few people Mike thought he could trust, broke his heart and left him feeling like shit?”

He knew he was oversharing. This was Mike’s personal life and Harvey had no business talking about it, least of all to Louis Litt. The man had just come at the wrong time, and right now, just seeing his face pissed Harvey off.

Louis didn’t even have a chance to answer, because Harvey just threw his arms out “Why are you here, Louis?” He asked again, feeling like he repeated the same question over and over again, but he never got an answer. “What the hell are you going to do?”

“I don’t know!” Louis yelled back then, and for the first time that entire evening, Harvey could finally see beneath his façade. Louis looked just as broken as the rest of them felt about the entire situation.

“I think you do.” Harvey answered then, his own voice mellowing out as he calmed himself down. “You do know, but you are afraid that no matter what you choose it will come back and bite you in the ass later on.”

Louis didn’t answer and Harvey knew that he had hit the nail on the head.

“I know how you feel.” Harvey said “I’ve been there myself more than once-“ He stopped as he tried to pull himself together “but it’s worth it, Louis.”

“You mean _Mike’s_ worth it?”

“Yes.” Harvey said, without a doubt. “That’s what I’m saying.”

He went over to Louis and took the empty glass out of his hand and put it on the counter next to his own. “If you forgive him, now that he is ready to sacrifice everything he has worked for, then I will back you up, whatever you choose.” He said, in a quiet voice “You can find your own way out.”

With that, he just left Louis standing there, probably more confused than he was before.

It wasn’t until after Harvey had taken a shower, and realized he had four new messages from Mike, all wanting to know what Louis had been doing that, that Harvey realized that Louis never answered that question.


	30. Chapter 30

Harvey had told him more than once now that there was no point in living in the past and having regrets about things you couldn’t change. Mike wanted to live his life that way, he really did. For Mike though, that just wasn’t in the cards.

He hadn’t been able to sleep at all the previous night, all Mike could think about was how he had gotten the insane idea to put his career and his future in the hands of Louis Litt. Everything he had told Louis and Harvey still stood, Mike knew that he could be happy even without that job, he knew that he would never even have the job in the first place if it wasn’t for how Louis had chosen Mike over himself and that he was doing the right thing in repaying the favor. Mike knew that sometime in the future, his luck would run out and he would be forced to quit anyway.

He just wasn’t ready for that day to be today. Mike knew he had limited days yet, but he also knew that there was so much more he could still do before his numbered days were up. Mike sighed heavily as he walked through the office, not even stopping by Donna’s desk or Harvey’s office, but went straight for his own.

Mike slumped down in his chair and turned on his computer, he had spent the night before writing and re-writing his resignation for what felt like a hundred times. More than anything, he just wanted to run and find Louis and beg him for a chance to show that he really could be a lawyer, even though he never went to law school.

He wouldn’t do it though. For one, he knew that if he hadn’t been able to prove that to Louis by now, nothing would, and second, he knew that it wasn’t fair when Mike had promised Louis that this was all his choice.

“Hey.”

Mike was so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn’t even noticed someone standing in his doorway.

“Hey.” Mike answered as he got himself together, and tried his best to hide the fact that he had almost fell out of his chair.

“You’ve talked to him yet?” Harvey asked as he entered the office and closed the door behind him before taking a seat in front of Mike.

Mike shook his head “I just got in.” he said with a shrug. “I am such an idiot, why the hell would I do this?”

Harvey cocked his head to the side as if he was trying his best not to tell Mike ‘I told you so’.

“I know, I know.” Mike said with a wave of his hand, clearly, Harvey didn’t even need to open his mouth for Mike to get what he was trying to say. “Will you still love me when I’m poor and forced to come crawling back to your apartment with nothing but the clothes on my back?”

“Probably not.” Harvey said with a sly smile and Mike resisted the urge to pout at him, knowing that Harvey would only tease him about it later. “Whatever happens, you’ll figure something out.”

“Have you talked to Jessica?” Mike asked, and Harvey shook his head.

“Nothing to talk about yet.”

“Probably a good idea.” Mike said as he leaned back in his chair and entwined his fingers. “Hey, last night, did you tell Louis about us?”

Harvey furrowed his brows and crossed his legs. “No, why?”

“Just wondering.” Mike said “I almost told him, you know.” He said.

“Yeah?” Harvey asked with a smirk, which made Mike smile. That smirk meant that Harvey wouldn’t mind it if Louis were to find out, and then probably nobody else for that matter.

“Yeah.” Mike answered with a nod. “I think he knows that there was something more that had happened, that I wasn’t telling him.”

Harvey nodded in agreement. “I got that too.”

“I wasn’t trying to hide it, you know.” Mike said, feeling like he needed to say it and that maybe Harvey wanted to hear it. “I am going to be honest with him from now on, but what you and I have is nobody else’s business, and I really think I should tell Rachel first.”

Harvey’s expression changed, and Mike could tell that he was probably remembering the argument they’d had at the party. “About Rachel…”

“It’s okay.” Mike said as he cut Harvey off mid-sentence. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“I didn’t apologize for overreacting at the party.” Harvey said “I was just drunk and-“

“Jealous?” Mike asked with a knowing smile.

“Worried.” Harvey replied, which almost made Mike a little sad. He never wanted Harvey to think that he would ever choose anyone else before him, because Mike had just started to understand that Harvey would always choose him. Always. Except maybe if he one day had to choose between Mike and Donna, but that would hopefully never happen because he didn't think either one of them would put Harvey in that position. So it was a little devastating to Mike to know that Harvey was worried about him and Rachel.

“I wish you weren’t.” Mike said “I chose you long before we even started… Dating?”

Harvey chuckled “I don’t know what the hell to call that train-wreck we tried to execute.”

“Hey, it wasn’t all bad.” Mike answered. “The sex was great.”

“Yes, but the sex is still great.” Harvey said “Which means that the sex-argument is moot”

“A sex-argument is never moot.” Mike said before he cocked his head to the side. “This conversation just turned very unprofessional.”

Harvey nodded in both agreement and amusement, and Mike licked his lips. They had talked about this over and over again, even before it got really serious, that they wouldn’t mix business and pleasure, but sometimes it wasn’t that easy. It wasn’t like Harvey stopped being Mike’s boyfriend when they were at work, or they weren’t still colleagues when they were at home. They just needed to know when to draw the line. Mike knew this from his relationship with Rachel, and he was sure that Harvey knew it from his relationship with Scottie. A little flirting in the office wouldn’t do any harm.

Then there was a knock on the door, and for the second time that morning, Mike almost jumped out of his seat in surprise. Mike was expecting to see Louis or Donna, but instead he looked up to see Rachel waving a little awkwardly at him.

Mike nodded at her and waved her inside, and she opened the door and offered both of them a smile.

“Am I interrupting something important?” She asked, and looked from Harvey to Mike.

Mike looked to Harvey, who just smiled at him. “No, it’s okay.” He said, as Harvey got up from his seat and gestured for Rachel to take his place. “Come by my office later, okay?” he asked. “We need to prep for a client meeting.”

“Yeah, sure.” Mike said, even though he couldn’t remember Harvey mentioning anything about a new client earlier, which Mike was sure he would have remembered, especially since they still hadn’t wrapped up the case they were already working on.

Rachel smiled at Harvey before he left, and then she turned her attention back to Mike. “Hey.” She said, and Mike chuckled.

“Hi.” He said “What’s up?”

“Actually I just wanted to know if you were okay?” Rachel asked. “You seemed a little distraught on Saturday and you left without saying goodbye to anyone, so did Harvey.”

“Yeah…” Mike said as he looked down at his desk for a moment, even though he knew he should really look Rachel in the eye. “We had a fight, sort of.”

“Okay?” Rachel asked “But you’re alright now?”

Mike nodded. “Yeah.” He said “Actually there’s something I have to tell you.”

Rachel looked a little worried at that, but nodded nonetheless “Yeah, sure.” She said “Anything.”

“You know I told you I was seeing someone?” He asked, and she nodded. “It’s Harvey.”

There it was. It was out in the world. Rachel Zane knew, which meant that Mike had officially closed that door for good. The expression on his ex-girlfriend’s face was almost unreadable though, as if she was trying to figure out if Mike was serious or not.

“What?” Rachel asked, but Mike didn’t answer. He just looked at her, trying his best not to say something stupid or inconsiderate. “Are you shitting me?”

That was not something he was used to hearing from Rachel, and it almost freaked him out. She sounded both a little angry and in disbelief.

“No.” He answered.

“How long have you two been together?” Rachel asked, and Mike could see why she was upset. It wasn’t just that he had moved on, she probably felt foolish about how they had all been walking around the office while Harvey and Mike knew, but she didn’t. Mike knew the feeling, it was the exact same one that he had felt when Rachel had told him about Logan Sanders. Mike had just kept picturing all the long nights the two of them had spent together and wondering what the hell had really happened. The difference was clear though: Mike and Rahel hadn't been together when Mike had started seeing Harvey.  “Is that why you stayed with him for so long?”

“No.” Mike said before taking a deep breath. “We weren’t even officially together until this weekend, which was why I didn’t tell you earlier.”

Rachel just shook her head with her mouth still gaping open. “I have to go.” She said as she excused herself and got up from the chair.

“Rachel-“

“Mike.” she said and stopped in the doorway. “I’m not trying to be mean here, just give me a minute, okay?”

“Okay.” Mike said, knowing there was no use in trying to stop her or explain himself. She gave him a nod and then walked out the door without another word while Mike was left sitting there dumbfounded. The fact that the day would probably get worse, did not help at all.

Mike tried not to think about Rachel, Louis or anything else that would distract him as he finished what he was working on and then headed for Harvey’s office. Donna looked suspiciously at him as he walked by, and he stopped dead in his tracks and looked her straight in the eye.

“She talked to you?” Mike asked.

“Your timing is awful.” Donna replied “Why would you tell her this at the office, she is working on that big case with Malone and she has another final coming up before Christmas break.”

Mike sighed. He knew that he probably should have pulled her aside, gone out for lunch or a coffee so she wouldn’t have to think about him and Harvey while she already had enough on her plate, but on the other side, Rachel already knew that Mike was seeing someone and Mike had tried his best to be considerate of her feelings.

“She cheated on me, Donna.” Mike said “I have been nothing but nice to her and we’ve worked really hard to get on the right track again. I was just trying to be honest.”

“I know.” Donna answered as she offered him a comforting smile. “I just hate it when she’s upset.”

“So do I.” Mike said “But I have the right to move on and she would have been even more upset if she hadn’t found out from me.”

“I know that too.” Donna said “She wasn’t exactly happy that I hadn’t told her anything either.”

Mike could imagine. Donna was her best friend, it must have sucked to know that she had known all along as well.

“She’s tough.” Mike said “She’ll get over it.”

“What the hell are you two yapping about?” Harvey suddenly asked from where he was standing in the doorway, glaring at them. Mike hadn’t even realized he had moved from his desk. His senses were really off today.

“Nothing.” Mike said as he gave Donna a nod before he followed Harvey into the office. “I looked over the bilateral contract, it all seems pretty standard.”

“No loophole that the opposite counsel can use against us?” Harvey asked as he sat back down behind his desk and folded his arms in front of him. He looked almost intimidating and Mike was wondering if he had done something wrong. No, it was way too early in the morning for him to be fucking up already.

“If I can’t find it, then neither can they.” Mike answered, and when Harvey only gave a satisfied nod, Mike was left standing there feeling like an idiot.

"You said something about a new client?”

“What did Rachel want?”

They blurted it out at the same time, and Mike couldn’t help but laugh at the feeling of being in some stupid sitcom.

“Rachel wanted to know if I was okay.” Mike said, glad that Harvey sounded more curious than worried. “She noticed us leaving Louis’ party.”

“Right.” Harvey answered. “Jessica called me in this morning for the same thing… That’s when I found out about the new client.., or potential client.”

“I told her.” Mike said, and realized that maybe he should have asked about the client first. This relationship in the workplace thing was a lot harder when your boyfriend was also your boss. “Rachel. About us.”

“You did?” Harvey asked and then glanced past Mike towards Donna as if he wanted her to confirm it, but then Mike realized that he had probably seen Rachel and Donna talking earlier and had just now found out why. “How did she take it?”

“Not too well.” Mike said “But she’ll come around, I hope.”

“Yeah.” Harvey said, and Mike groaned at him when it looked like Harvey was trying his best not to grin. 

“You are enjoying this.” Mike said “Asshole.”

“I am not _enjoying_ it.” Harvey answered with a shrug. “Especially not since I have to tell Jessica.”

“Is it a bad thing that we are dreading telling people so much?” Mike asked, as if he had been thinking about that ever since the party. He knew that Harvey didn't actually enjoy the fact that Rachel was upset, he was probably just happy that they were finally on their way to having a normal relationship. Mike almost smiled at the thought. A real, proper, relationship with Harvey Specter. Who the hell knew how that was going to turn out?

“I am not dreading telling people.” Harvey said “I am dreading their reaction.”

“Spoken like a true lawyer.” Mike said as he slumped down in the chair in front of Harvey. “Jessica is not going to like it.”

“She’ll get over it.” Harvey said “I just have to tell her sooner rather than later, after the shit I gave her about hiring Malone and still staying with him.”

“I feel bad about that.” Mike said “It’s my fault they broke up.”

Harvey groaned in annoyance “Stop with the guilt thing already, not everything the world is your fault.” He said “You are so full of yourself.”

“Asshole.”

“Dickhead.”

“You say the sweetest things.” Harvey said “Besides, I think Jessica already knows.”

“What?” Mike asked then as his eyebrows shot up in confusion. “About us?”

“She’s like Donna.” Harvey said with a shrug, acting like he didn’t really think it was a big deal even though Mike was well aware of the fact that Harvey valued Jessica’s opinion. “She knows everything.”

“Might be a good thing.” Mike said as he took a paperclip from Harvey’s desk and absentmindedly started playing with it. “If I end up homeless and you won’t take me in, I can always file a sexual harassment lawsuit and get some cash.”

Harvey smirked at him, and leaned back in his chair. “Always good to see you have a backup-plan.” He said “Now, about the new client.”

“Yes.” Mike said before clearing his throat and putting the paperclip back where he found it.

“Jason Singer.” Harvey said as he got a file from his drawer and threw it on the desk for Mike to take. “Just moved here from London to expand his business.”

“What’s the business?” Mike asked as he grabbed the file.

“Real estate franchise.” Harvey answered as Mike quickly read the documents in the file. “It used to belong to his father who retired a couple of years ago.”

“Wait, Eric Singer? As in _the_ Eric Singer” Mike asked and smiled knowingly at Harvey’s nod. “So he wants to prove himself then?” Mike asked. “Let me guess, his father doesn’t approve about taking the company abroad?”

“How do you do that?” Harvey asked. “Jessica _just_ told me.”

“I’m that good.” Mike answered with a grin. “I read an article about him once, seemed like a pretty play-it-safe, old-school kind of guy.”

“That’s one way of putting it.” Harvey replied. “Anyway, he requested a meeting with me.” He said proudly. “He’s considering me to be his lawyer.”

“Really?” Mike asked and smiled hugely at Harvey. “Must be so fun being mister popular.”

“It has its perks.” Harvey answered.

“What do you need me to do?” Mike asked, making a mental note of the fact that this seemed very important to Harvey.

“Jessica wants me to court him, but let’s face it; I won’t need more than one meeting with the guy.”

Mike glared at him. “I am guessing you aren’t the only lawyer that’s interested in him.”

“Which is why I need you to do your thing, research everything I need to know and bring it to me before lunch.” Harvey said.

“We have that settlement meeting at one.” Mike said raising his eyebrows.

“ _You_ have a settlement meeting at one.” Harvey replied as he smirked knowingly at Mike.

Mike pointed to his chest and looked at Harvey in confusion. “You want me to do it alone?” He asked “Everything is riding on those red flags I found last week.”

“Yeah, the one’s _you_ found.” Harvey said “You got this.”

Mike grinned at him “Yes, I do.” He said “I’ll get on that research.” Mike got up from his chair and put his head back in the game. If this was his last two assignments, he damn sure was going to go out with a bang.

Getting the information for Harvey was a breeze, it was something he had done a hundred time before and Mike knew exactly what Harvey needed and what information to throw away as useless. Harvey was a charmer. A closer. As long as Mike made sure he had everything he needed for the meeting, Harvey could probably close that deal in his sleep. Mike knew that Harvey was right; if Jason Singer had personally requested the meeting, then he probably already had this in the bag.

Mike tried his best to focus on the work in front of him; he finished his research and gave it to Donna before the deadline, and then got on with preparing for the settlement meeting. Jessica stopped by to find out how he was doing after Harvey had told her Mike would do the meeting alone, and Mike had been so flustered that he had barely been able to reply. That didn’t impress her much.

“You look panicked.” Harvey said from the doorway. Mike glanced at the clock instead of at him, and shook his head.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on your way to lunch?” He asked, not bothering to stop working on his preparations.

“I’m just leaving, thought I’d stop by.” Harvey answered.

“Because Jessica told you I was a hot mess?” Mike asked, while trying his best to organize all the papers and documents that were scattered across his desk.

“Not her exact words, but yes.” Harvey replied “They have no curve ball to throw at you and you have no reason to be this nervous.”

“I know that.” Mike said on a sigh as he finally looked up to meet Harvey’s eye. “I just… if this is my last day here I don’t want to be remembered as the guy who managed to screw up-“

“Stop it.” Harvey said, his voice stern and suddenly a lot more serious than it had been earlier. “First of all, stop thinking about that, it’s messing with you head.”

Mike nodded in agreement.

“Second of all…” Harvey said as he leaned against the doorway and took a deep breath. “You are not going to screw up, I wouldn’t have given it to you if I thought that was the case.”

Mike smiled at him, even though he was still worried as shit. Harvey shouldn’t have to think about that when he had such an important meeting in twenty minutes. “Thanks, Harvey.”

“I’ll see you afterwards, okay?” Harvey asked “Go kick some ass.”

“You too.” Mike said with a smirk.

Harvey winked at him before leaving the office. Mike couldn't help but cock his head to the side to get a better look at Harvey's backside as he watched him leave. Damn, he was in big trouble. 


	31. Chapter 31

Ever since Harvey had landed his very first client, his ego and self-confidence had just continued growing. He was damn good a this job and he hadn’t gotten the reputation as the best closer in town easily. You couldn’t survive in his line of work without having some major confidence, but Harvey also knew that he needed to be self-aware. Nothing came for free, and landing a big client often needed work and preparation. Harvey had gone through all the research Mike had given him and had to smile to himself as he had read it. The kid always knew exactly what Harvey needed to know.

Jason Singer was already waiting for him at the restaurant when Harvey arrived, which just made Harvey even more sure of himself since he had made sure that he would get there early. After everything he had read about Jason, he was inexperienced, but he knew a lot about the business and the company, and he was far from stupid. All aspects that Harvey could use to his advantage.

“Mr. Singer.” Harvey said as he approached the table and shook Jason’s hand. “Good to finally meet you.”

“Likewise, Mr. Specter.” He said with a grin before he gestured for Harvey to sit down. “Thanks for meeting with me on such short notice.”

“No problem.” Harvey answered. Usually with the head of these big corporations, they wanted a hunt and Harvey usually pushed the meetings in order to seem more important or for the client to keep pushing and let Harvey know how badly they wanted Pearson Specter Litt to represent them. Jason Singer was not one of those clients though. “I always have time for my clients.”

“Ah.” Jason said as the waiter came over and offered them their menus “But I am not your client.”

“Yet.” Harvey replied with a smirk, and couldn’t help but smile when Jason grinned at him.

The rest of the meeting went very well. Harvey had the steak and Jason had the fish. They talked about Jason’s business, his father and Harvey’s reputation. Harvey was pretty sure he charmed the Prada shoes right off the guy, but he almost had to avoid frowning when he heard that Harvey was head to head with another lawyer that Jason had in mind.

“Whoever it is, I can assure you that they aren’t as good as me.” Harvey said, hinting as well as he could for Jason to spill the beans about the other lawyer.

“Funny.” Jason said as Harvey paid for their bill. “She said the same thing.”

“Pearson Specter Litt is the best law firm in Manhattan.” Harvey said “And I am the best of the best.”

“So I’ve been told.” Jason continued. “But I have also been told that you have had it quite rocky lately.”

Harvey wanted to bite the inside of his cheek in frustration, but instead he kept up the confidence façade and gave Jason a cocky grin. “And where exactly did you hear that?” Harvey asked “You should check your sources.”

“Dana Scott.” Jason answered, “She’s my other choice.”

Harvey’s mouth almost fell open.

He had somehow managed to keep his composure, he was a professional after all, but he was really dreading telling Jessica about the surprising turn of events that the lunch meeting had taken. Harvey had a good feeling that Jason was going to go with their firm, and him as their lawyer, but he also knew that Scottie was an excellent lawyer and she was really great and landing clients.

Donna met him by the elevator with a cup of fresh coffee. That woman was truly a gift. Harvey hadn’t even told her that he was on his way back to the office.

“I know that look.” Donna said as they walked back together towards Harvey’s office. “What happened?”

“He hasn’t decided on a lawyer yet.” Harvey said “And now I have to tell Jessica.”

He didn’t know why he left out the part that the other lawyer was Scottie, but he just knew that Donna was going to make a big deal out of it.

“Ah.” Donna said as they reached her desk. She maneuvered around it and found her seat before giving Harvey her full attention. “And you have to tell her about you and Mike as well, and you’re worried she’s going to be even more pissed off.”

“Shit.” Harvey answered, he had already forgotten about that.

“Yeah.” Donna said “Buckle up, because she told me that she wanted to see you once you got back from the meeting.”

Harvey almost groaned, but instead he just took of his jacket, and put it on Donna’s desk and gestured for her to hang it up. “Oh.” He said, realizing there was something else he had forgotten. “Have you heard anything from Mike? Or Louis?”

“No.” Donna answered. “I stopped by Mike’s office after his settlement meeting, which he rocked by the way, but he hadn’t talked to Louis yet.”

Harvey sighed and gave Donna a thankful nod before he made his way towards Jessica’s office. He would prefer to talk to Jessica after Louis had decided Mike’s faith, but he knew that he couldn’t keep her waiting when she had requested to see him. Louis was such a dick for making Mike wait all day for his decision. Who knew, he might even wait all week just to torture the guy.

Harvey shook the thoughts away as he entered Jessica’s office, not even bothering to knock.

“Harvey.” She said as she stopped whatever she was working on and greeted him.

“Jessica.” He answered with a smile as he closed the door behind him. Jessica sighed, and Harvey just knew that she was aware that something was up.

“What happened with the meeting?” Jessica asked “And don’t bullshit me.”

Harvey walked over to her desk, but didn’t sit down. “He’s considering another lawyer.”

“Really?” Jessica asked as she crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in her chair. “Because this morning you seemed so full of yourself that I was afraid you might actually explode.”

The smile she gave him almost seemed satisfying. Typical Jessica.

“It’s Scottie.” Harvey said, and he could almost see Jessica’s entire face drop.

“Scottie?” Jessica asked “The last I heard she was still settling into her new firm and re-building her reputation and now you’re telling me that she might steal a client from under us?”

Harvey cocked his head to the side. “Don’t worry.” Harvey said “I’ll get him.”

“You better, Harvey.” Jessica said “I don’t want any of your hard-to-get bullshit with this one, you better fight for him.”

“Already on it.” Harvey said with a grin.

“I heard Mike Ross did quite well with the settlement meeting today.” Jessica said “Good.”

“Yeah, I haven’t seen him yet.” Harvey said as he put his hands on the back of the chair in front of him and took a deep breath.

“For god’s sake, Harvey.” She said “What now?”

“Who said it was anything else?”

“You do.” Jessica said as she pointed at him with her pen. “I can see it written all over you.”

Harvey decided to take another breath before finally sitting down in front of Jessica and crossing his legs. “I have to tell you something, and you might be seriously pissed.”

“Even more pissed than I am about you losing our client to Scottie?”

“You are such a pessimist.” Harvey said with what could seem like a confident smirk. The bickering between him and Jessica always seemed light, but it could go from playful to serious real quick.

“Tell me.”

“Mike and I are sort of…” He said, as he tried to read Jessica’s face before continuing, but it was absolutely blank.”

“What?” Jessica asked, and Harvey knew that whenever Mike’s name came up in their conversations it was rarely good news.

“Dating.” Harvey said, trying to sound as serious as he could so Jessica would knew he wasn’t kidding. “Not sort of, we are.”

Jessica’s face just seemed blank for a second, until it turned to that fierce and pissed off goddess look that she rocked so well, but actually scared the shit out of Harvey. “You are dating Mike Ross?”

“Yes.” Harvey said with a nod.

“Is that why the two of you stormed out of Louis’ party on Saturday?” Jessica asked “Because that was not what you told me when I asked you.”

“I didn’t storm out.” Harvey said, but he knew that wasn’t exactly true.

“How long?”

Harvey hated that question. He had no idea how to answer that question. “Technically… Three days?”

“And if the answer was less technical?” She asked, her voice still as stern as ever. So much for Harvey’s theory that she already knew.

Harvey shrugged. “Three weeks.” He said, not really sure how long it had been with everything that was going on lately. It seemed like ages ago that he had gone to Staten Island after the kiss, but when he said it aloud, he realized that it really hadn’t been that long.

“He’s your associate.” Jessica said “I wasn’t serious about you two getting married, you know.”

“I know, which is why I’m telling you now.” Harvey said “It’s serious, Jessica.”

“I bet it is.” Jessica said, and she sounded sincere about that which made Harvey feel a little better about the whole situation. “If you really want to see this through then I need you two to keep a low profile until I figure out how to handle this.”

“No problem.”

“Running after each other in the middle of a party like you are in a romantic comedy is not keeping a low profile, Harvey.” Jessica said before she groaned. “I should have known this was going to happen sooner or later.”

“What’s that’s supposed to mean?” Harvey asked, almost offended.

“Please.” Jessica said on a scoff. “If you could see the way you two look at each other.”

Harvey had thought Jessica would have been more pissed, but she was right about the fact that he and Mike needed to stay off the radar until they figured out how to handle situation. Harvey was well aware of the fact that Mike wasn’t exactly popular with the other associates, and if they found out that he was sleeping with the boss? A lot of them wouldn’t hesitate with using that to get Mike out of the way. Harvey almost scoffed. Jealous bastards. He did not miss being an associate, that was for damn sure. He still remembered how he and Louis had butted heads, but they were the best the firm had. Everyone else hated them as well.

Louis.

If Louis didn’t let this thing with Mike go, then it wouldn’t matter anyway. Mike would leave and no one could use it against him. Mike had been so right, everything would be so much easier if Mike didn’t work there anymore.

Harvey didn’t care.

Nothing between them had ever been easy, but it had worked. They fought against obstacles, and they grew together and even though Harvey rarely admitted it, he loved having a protégé. He _needed_ Mike, and not just because he was in love with him.

_I saw you smile when I showed up for work this morning_

He didn’t even realized he was on his way towards Louis’ office until he was standing in front of the man, closing the door behind him.

“Harvey.” Louis said, clearly surprised to see him. “How did the meeting go?”

“Mike.” Harvey said as he walked over to Louis. “Tell me what you’re going to do.”

Louis just looked at him for what seemed like the longest time, and Harvey could tell he was biting the inside of his cheek. “I don’t know.”

“Put him out of his misery, Louis.” Harvey said “Just, work a case with him and see how good he is at this, how much he loves it-“

“I never questioned that.” Louis argued, “I know he’s good, and I know that he’s a lawyer okay? Degree or not.”

Harvey felt a certain relief in hearing that, because it always came down to that. Whenever someone found out it, they almost always could see that this was what Mike was meant to do and that that should mean more than a stupid diploma.

“Let him stay then.” Harvey answered.

“It might be because of his secret that I got my name on the wall.” Louis said “But that doesn’t change that it’s there now….”

Harvey already knew where this was going.

“It puts the firm at risk, Harvey.” Louis said.

“So did the shit we did with Hardman.” Harvey answered. “Everything that happened with Darby, and Zane and all that bullshit.”

“It’s not the same.” Louis answered “You know that.”

Of course Harvey knew that, he wasn’t an idiot, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to fight for Mike. It was like a second nature by now, and Harvey couldn’t turn it off even if he wanted to, even if Mike had told him to stay away and let Louis decide on his own.

“I know that.” Harvey said “Louis, I love this firm just like you do.”

“Then you should know why I can’t-“

“But I love him too.” Harvey said, not even letting Louis finish. Mike had said that he wasn’t going to keep it from Louis, and Harvey didn’t want to do that either. In the back of his mind he probably knew that he was reaching for straws to get Louis to make up his mind, but it didn’t really matter.

“What?” Louis asked.

“You want to start over, okay.” Harvey said “Whatever you decide we can do that, as long as you forgive Mike.” He said “But I need him, I need him _here.”_

“When you say that you love him…?” Louis asked, still sounding just as confused.

“I fell for him.” Harvey said, as if it was the most common thing ever. It slipped so easily from his lips now that it was almost unreal to think about how scared Harvey had been about his feelings. “You said something was different between us, you were right.”

Louis looked like he wanted to laugh, but he must have seen something on Harvey’s face that made him stop himself. “Why are you telling me this?”

Harvey shrugged. “Because you’re my friend.” Harvey said “At least you used to be.”

“But-“

“I love him.” Harvey said “I love him more than anything, and if you decide to let him go…”

Louis looked down at his desk then, probably thinking that he was about to hear something awful, or for Harvey to tell him that he would never forgive him or be his friend again.

“I will still forgive you.”

Louis eyes shot right up.

“If you forgive him, then we will all forgive you.” Harvey said, “ _That’s_ what being on the team means.”

“More than anything?” Louis asked.

Harvey hadn’t even realized he had said it, but then again, that must mean that it was true. He didn’t reply though, he just looked at Louis.

“He didn’t want me to come here.” Harvey said “He wanted you to figure out all of this on your own, but for fuck’s sake Louis… Let him stay.” His voice was calm, and he hated that he almost sounded desperate, but Harvey couldn’t help himself.

With that he went over to Louis and squeezed his shoulder, because the man looked like he needed it. If Harvey was a mess, then there was no way to explain how Louis looked. He had seemed confused and disoriented from the moment Harvey had walked into his office, but now he seemed a hundred times worse. Harvey hadn’t meant for him to get even more thrown off, but he was an attorney after all, so he needed to make his case before Louis made his decision.

He then walked away, feeling like he had just told Louis that he was dying and that keeping Mike was his dying wish. Maybe it hadn’t been fair.

He walked straight into a distressed Mike who had rounded a corner too fast. Papers scattered all over the floor, and Mike mumbled an apology, not even noticing that it was Harvey he had crashed into.

“Easy there.” Harvey said as he watched with amusement as Mike gathered his stuff from the floor. “Where are you going in such a rush?”

“Harvey!” Mike said as he got up from the floor. “The settlement went really great, so I asked Jessica if I could take on a pro-bono case, I thought that maybe it would be a good chance to help someone before-“

He was talking so fast that Harvey could barely understand half of what he was saying and Harvey just shook his head with amusement. Damn, he was in trouble with that kid.

“Sounds good, kid.” Harvey said, not even caring that Mike went to Jessica instead of him. “Do you have a second to talk, though?”

Mike looked up from where he was trying to organize everything he was holding, and probably saw that Harvey seemed very serious. “Yeah.” He said.

They walked past Mike’s office so he could drop off his stuff before they went to Harvey’s office. Donna wasn’t there, but there was a note on his desk telling him that she went out for some coffee and that she was going to stop by Rachel’s office.

“What went to shit this time?” Mike asked as he sat down on Harvey’s couch. Harvey went over to him and sat down as well. “Is it the meeting?”

“No, the meeting is still…” Harvey said as he brushed it off “Not important right now.”

“Then what is it?” Mike asked, and Harvey wanted to give him a comforting smile, but he knew that there was no use. When Mike was like that, worried as shit, there was no calming him until he knew what was up.

“Jessica knows.” Harvey said “I told her.”

“Shit.” Mike asked, and Harvey realized a little too late that he shouldn’t have given Mike the news like that because he was clearly thinking the worst.

“No, it’s not…” Harvey said “She’s cool with it.”

“Really?”

“No, she’s pissed off.” He said “But at least now she knows, and she just asked us to keep low for a while.”

“That’s it?” Mike asked, raising his eyebrows before he looked just as pissed off as Jessica had. “You scared the shit out of me, Harvey!”

“I’m not done.” Harvey said “I might have gone to Louis.”

Mike looked at him for a second before shaking his head “You asshole, you said you would leave it alone!”

Wow, Mike was really wound up tight. Harvey would have to do something about that later. Harvey shook the thoughts out of his head, he had to focus.

“What is this compressing need you have about fighting for me?” Mike asked, shaking his head and almost laughing. He let out a breath and seemed to calm down. “What did he say?”

“He hadn’t made up his mind.” Harvey said.

Mike read something on Harvey’s face that he didn’t even know he was showing, and suddenly Mike raised his eyebrows in surprise and pointed his finger accusingly at Harvey.

“You said something to him.” Mike said “What did you tell him?”

Harvey just looked at Mike as if he was the biggest drama queen in the world, and honestly, if Harvey hadn’t known Louis for so many years, he might have thought that was true.

“I might have let it slip that we were together.” Harvey said, and then raised his shoulders and tried to look innocent when Mike glared at him. “I had just come back from Jessica’s office and it was on my mind.”

“Yeah, right.” Mike answered, he didn’t seem to believe that for a second. “Was he pissed as well?”

“He seemed…” Harvey began, before realizing he had no idea what Louis reaction actually was. “I don’t know, to be honest.”

“You know you just gave him another reason to fire me, right?” Mike asked “I mean, an associate sleeping with his boss isn’t exactly something that will elevate the firm’s reputation.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” Harvey answered, he would let Jessica decide how to handle that situation. “And you were the one who said that you didn’t want to lie to him anymore.”

“When have we lied about that?” Mike asked, and Harvey was almost getting annoyed about how Mike was still going on about this. “Did he ask you if you were seeing someone.”

“You are such a drama queen.” Harvey replied “Why does this bother you so much?”

“It doesn’t.” Mike said before taking a deep breath and letting out a groan before he fell back onto the couch, and Harvey had to snicker at how pathetic his boyfriend actually looked. Boyfriend, yeah, that was going to take some time getting used to.

“Do you mind having your breakdown in your own time?” Harvey asked “We have work to do.”

“The settlement is… settled.” Mike said from where he was still laying on the couch.

“Yeah, good job on that.” Harvey said “Now, can you focus for five minutes because Jason Singer is thinking about taking another lawyer.”

Mike sat back up then and turned his attention back to Harvey, setting his own problems aside for a moment. “I thought you said you had this in the bag.” Mike said “I gave you everything you needed to know.”

“Thank you for the confident boost.” Harvey replied “Go back to research mode and find something that I can do that will really convince him and do it fast.”

“Okay.” Mike answered “This is something Rachel would be great at…”

“Then go ask her to help you.” Harvey said, barely registering how his voice grew louder and stricter. “Look, Mike. This client is a big deal and if you two can’t get your shit together-“

“I have my shit together, Harvey.” Mike said, getting defensive. “She just said she needed some time and I don’t want to-“

“You are at work” Harvey replied, not even letting Mike finish the sentence. “So you better start acting like it.”

Harvey was not going to be the one to let their relationship affect their work, and he knew that even though it usually took some time for Mike to see it, the kid appreciated it when Harvey gave him a kick in the ass when he really needed it. Right now, Mike needed it.

Harvey knew that he was putting Mike in a tough spot. One minute he was mad and jealous about Mike and Rachel, and the next he was pushing Mike into working with her the same day that Mike had told Rachel about him and Harvey. Still, work was work, and their personal lives were their personal lives.

"I'll get right on it." Mike answered then, he sounded like he understood where Harvey was coming from. Harvey sighed and gave him one last nod for him to go. 

Unsurprisingly, Donna came in right after Mike had left.

"How much of that did you hear?"

"Enough." Donna answered "I think you two are going to be okay."

"Really?" Harvey asked as he raised his eyebrows. "That's what you gathered from that conversation?"

Donna smiled "You should take him out to dinner tonight." she said before winking at him and leaving Harvey a little happier than he was a few moments ago. What he really should do was give that woman another raise.


	32. Chapter 32

Mike had met Tess when he was seven years old. He still remembered how that girl always had her hair in pigtails and loved wearing dresses. Then suddenly they were in high school and Tess had pink streaks in her hair instead of pigtails, and had switched out her dresses for jeans and a leather jacket. Mike never stood a chance really. He had thought they would last forever, typical high school sweethearts. Mike had also thought he had loved her, he had been wrong about that as well.

Then there had been Claire, wonderful and beautiful Claire that lived the life that Mike had wanted for himself. She had challenged Mike in a way that he had never experienced before. Mike hadn’t really stood a chance that time either. It had all been a lie though. Mike had messed up and she had left him. That was a good thing. Claire deserved so much better. Not better than a bike-messenger, but better than someone who couldn’t be honest with her.

Jenny Griffith. Stunning smile. Blonde hair. Radiant eyes. They had hit it off immediately. Then suddenly Jenny was going out with Trevor and Mike was taking the LSATs for other people. A lifetime later, Trevor was gone and Jenny was back in his life. Her smile still as stunning and her eyes just as radiant. She knew the truth about his other life, they could have been amazing together. Except that that had been a lie also. Mike was in love with Rachel, and he was lying to both Jenny and himself whenever he said differently.

Rachel should have been the one then, shouldn’t she? Mike couldn’t even remember the moment he had fallen for her. Their relationship had been so rocky and complicated in the beginning that Mike should have known already then that it wouldn’t lost. Stupidly he had thought that once he she knew his secret then they wouldn’t have any reasons to be apart, but every reason to be together. Life wasn’t quite that simple. In the matter of days, Mike had lost everything that mattered to him and all he could do was blame himself.

In every real relationship Mike had been in, he had jumped in there and damned the consequences. Claire wanted something more than just bike-messenger, so Mike had lied and told her that he went to Columbia without thinking about how that would affect her if she ever found out, or if their relationship had turned serious.

He had wanted to be with Jenny, so he had made his move, never once thinking about would happen if Trevor came back or if someone learned Mike’s secret and found out that Jenny knew as well.

Rachel Zane. Gorgeous paralegal who wanted more than just working under her father for the rest of her life. She had kissed him. He had kissed her. On and off for months. Harvey had been the one to finally set his foot down and try to get some sense into Mike’s head about the dangers it would put them all in if Rachel figured it all out. Mike had listened…, at least for a little while. Rachel had learned that Mike was a fraud, then slowly everything had fell apart and she had been pushed into the arms of another man.

With Harvey, everything was different. Mike hadn’t fallen for his radiant smile, or his wonderful eyes. It wasn’t the way he had dressed or his perfect hair that Mike had first noticed the first time he laid eyes on him. They hadn’t met that day and started flirting, and Mike had never needed to lie to Harvey about his life, because he was worried Harvey wouldn’t think Mike was enough for him.

When they had first met, Mike had just dropped a suitcase of pot on his floor and was forced to explain himself; he hadn’t really given a shit about what Harvey would think. By the time the romantic feeling started, Harvey and Mike was already such important parts of each other’s lives that just jumping into something and damning the consequences had never really been much of an option.

His grandmother used to tell him to be fearless when it came to love. Mike always had been… Then there was Harvey. Mike hadn’t been fearless, he’d been terrified. That feeling had made him realize what his grandmother had truly meant though: She had wanted him to be brave, to be selfless, and for Mike to be willing to put his own heart on the line if he really thought the other person was worth it. Being scared shitless of starting a relationship with Harvey had given Mike a chance to do something he had never done before: Actually think about what the relationship would mean before he jumped into it.

Mike was so in love with Harvey that he still found it hard to believe that Harvey felt the same way, but this time, Mike was realistic about his relationship. He wanted to believe that they could make it in the long run, but the relationship was still new and who knew where they might end up? Mike wasn’t as naïve as he had been with Tess or Rachel, thinking they would be together forever. He knew better now than to lie to himself for the sake of the relationship as he had done with Claire and Jenny.

Even though every relationship he had ever been in had been different, Mike would like to think he had learned something from each of them and that he had matured. Harvey knew Mike better than he knew himself sometimes and that was both scary and fantastic, and the fact that they had cared about each other and loved each other in a whole other way before they actually fell for each other made Mike think that maybe this time it could really work.

Even though Harvey was still a total dick sometimes.

Mike sighed heavily as he leaned against the wall outside of Rachel’s office, waiting for her to come back from her break. He knew Harvey had been right to yell at him, because Mike needed to separate his own feelings and what needed to be done for the sake of the case. That being said though, Harvey had been the one to act like a jealous asshole whenever Rachel even talked to Mike, so how was Mike supposed to know what was okay and what wasn’t when Harvey had just gotten over that himself?

“Hypocrite bastard.” Mike muttered under his breath before he looked up to see Rachel approaching with a cup of coffee in her hand. Her small smile fell from her face the second she laid eyes on him. Ouch.

“Mike.” She said as she walked straight past him and into her office. “I told you, I just need some time to process this.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Mike answered “And I am really trying not to be an ass here, but I need your help.”

“That’s why you’re here?” Rachel asked on a scoff, and even though Mike really wanted to respect her wish for some time, but she had no right to be so cold towards him.

“Yes.” He said, almost bitterly. “But I can tell you are not ready to work together yet, so I’ll just figure it out myself.”

Mike turned on his heel and was about to leave when Rachel spoke up.

“You think it’s easy for me finding out that you’re not only dating someone new, but that it’s _Harvey?”_ She asked and Mike had to bite his lip before he turned around again and closed the door so no one would overhear.

“Of course I don’t.” He answered “But I told you out of respect, and I have done nothing to offend you, we were broken up and I have a right to date whoever I want.”

She opened her mouth to answer, but Mike didn’t let her.

“You chose Logan, Rachel.” He said “And I have tried so hard to be okay with that and for us to be friends again and I can understand that it’s hard to see you moving on, but that doesn’t mean that you get to be this cold towards me.”

Rachel looked like she had a reply ready on her tongue, but then decided against it as she bit her bottom lip before sighing. “I know you’re right.” Rachel said. “Sorry.”

“Apology accepted.” Mike answered, but he didn’t offer her a smile. It was unreal that they had grown so far apart lately, it was understandable, but still it felt weird that she was no longer a huge part of his life.

“It’s just…” Rachel said “He’s a man, and he’s our boss, and Donna knew… I guess I feel kind of stupid.”

“Don’t feel stupid.” Mike said as he tried to sound sympathetic. “But honestly Rachel, none of that should matter because this isn’t about you.”

She nodded again. “I know.”

Mike sighed heavily then. Things had been going really good lately, but at the same thing everything was so uncertain and so much was just hanging in the air. Mike had never really been good at dealing with uncertainty.

“If it helps.” Mike said, and finally offered Rachel a smile when she looked up at him. “You weren’t exactly easy to get over.”

She smiled back at him and took another deep breath before placing her hands on her desk “You said you needed help with something?”

Mike grinned at her.

The fact that Rachel used to be a fantastic paralegal just made her that much better as an associate. As Mike watched Rachel work with such focus and determination, he could really see why Harvey had wanted her as his associate after Mike left. They were able to work together without much discussions or disagreements, and they even joked and laughed when the opportunity presented itself. It reminded Mike of how they had used to be when he had first started at the firm, without the flirting and Mike’s obvious pining.

“Thanks for this.” Mike said as he leaned against the printer and watched as Rachel tried to organize all their research. “I know it’s not really part of your job description anymore.”

“Sure.” Rachel answered with a smile. “Besides, it doesn’t hurt to have someone with your brain to owe me a favor.”

Mike returned the smile before Rachel handed him the papers. “Anytime.” He answered.

“So…” Rachel started, and Mike could already tell where this was heading. “You and Harvey, huh?”

“Yep.” Mike answered with a nod of his head.

“Is it getting serious?” Rachel asked “I mean, you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.” She was babbling, Mike used to love it whenever she got flustered and didn’t know what to say, now he just found it strangely comforting.

“It’s fine.” Mike said with a wave of his hand. If he could, Mike wouldn’t mind talking about Harvey and their relationship all day, but he doubted he could find someone who would want to listen. “It is… getting serious, I mean.”

“Should have known.” Rachel answered jokingly. “The two of you.”

“Hey!” Mike said with a laugh, and Rachel grinned at him. “Rach, don’t tell anyone, okay?”

She raised her eyebrows at him, but didn’t say anything.

“It’s not exactly the most appropriate relationship and Jessica doesn’t want us to advertise it…” Mike said “At least not yet.”

“Okay.” Rachel answered, “No problem, I’m getting good at keeping your secrets.”

Mike sighed and remembered something he had managed to forget about for the last couple of hours.

He thanked Rachel one more time before he hurried to Harvey’s office to brief him about everything he had found, knowing that Harvey would have liked the information yesterday. Mike sighed as he remembered that he wasn’t finished preparing the pro-bono case he was working on either.

Mike raised his eyebrows and pointed towards Harvey’s office as he passed Donna’s desk, silently asking her if he was in and available. When she nodded, he entered the office without bothering to know and threw the file on his desk.

“You find anything good?” Harvey asked, without looking up from whatever he was doing on his computer.

“If it’s not in there, it doesn’t exist.” Mike answered as he put his hands in his pockets. “All the information I could pull on Singer, his dad and the company.”

“That’s a hell of a lot information.”

“Everything important is highlighted and categorized.” Mike said. “Do you need anything else? I have a case too, you know.”

Harvey sighed as he finally looked up from the computer. “I think Louis is looking for you.”

“What?” Mike asked, the question escaped his lips long before he even registered that he was asking it.

“Donna said he stopped by your office earlier, but you weren’t there.” Harvey answered.

“Rachel and I set up shop in the library.” Mike answered, he couldn’t even manage to look Harvey in the eye as his vision seemed to blur and he was getting dizzy. This was it, do or die. Louis had made up his mind.

“You’re white as a ghost.” Harvey said, sounding slightly concerned.

Mike pulled himself together. “I’m fine.” He said “I should go and find him.”

“I’ll come with you.” Harvey said as he got up from his chair.

Mike managed to smile then, before he shook his head. “I have to do this alone.”

Harvey just stood there for a moment before he gave Mike one of those looks that made Mike’s heart skip a beat. “You don’t have to do anything alone.” Harvey answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Mike just fell in love with him all over again and suddenly forgot all about what an asshole Harvey had been earlier. 

He took a breath and smiled hugely at Harvey before answering. “You know.” He said “If you want us to keep our relationship a secret, you have to stop saying things like that at work.”

“Is that so?” Harvey asked, as he went from concerned and compassionate to sexy and confident in the matter of seconds.

“Yeah.” Mike answered, “Cause it takes all of my willpower not to kiss you right now.”

“Hmm.” Harvey hummed. “Then maybe you should get going because we both know your willpower isn’t your greatest strength.”

Before Mike was able to go anywhere though, suddenly Louis was right there and Mike could feel his chest tightening as he held his breath.

“Louis.” Harvey said, luckily he was much more confident than Mike. “Anything I can do for you?”

“Can I borrow Mike for a second?” Louis asked, and Mike hated how he was unable to read anything on Louis face. That seemed to be the case lately.

“Sure.” Harvey answered as he turned his head to look at Mike “Don’t fuck up the pro-bono case or Jessica will have your head.”

“Thanks, Harvey.” Mike answered while rolling his eyes. As Louis turned on his heel though, Harvey put a comforting hand on Mike’s hand and a nod for good luck.

Mike smiled at him before he hurried after Louis.

“Where are we going?” Mike asked as he realized that they were heading for the elevators.

“On a ride.” Louis answered. “I need to talk to you.”

Mike almost threw up.

He followed Louis without asking any more questions, but he was secretly very flustered and just wanted to find a place to hide. The way he had been feeling during this entire situation was so unlike Mike, and he really hated it.

He got into the back of Louis’ town car and took a deep breath, regretting that he hadn’t gone to the bathroom before they had left. The car took off and Louis didn’t say anything for what felt like the longest time.

Mike wanted to ask where they were going, what Louis was thinking, what Harvey had said to him, but he wasn’t able to say anything at all.

“Harvey came to talk to me earlier.” Louis said, and Mike was just so relieved that he was finally talking that he barely grasped what he was saying.

“Yeah.” Mike said “I’m not sure what he said, but if he was an ass-“

“Harvey is always an ass.” Louis said, and even though Mike wanted to defend him, he also knew that when it came to confronting Louis, yes, Harvey was always an ass. “But that’s not the point.”

“What is the point?” Mike dared to ask.

“He stood in front of me and told me he loved you.” Louis said as he turned his head to face Mike, probably wanting to see how Mike would react to those news. “Just like Rachel did the day professor Gerard was coming to expose you.”

Mike sighed. He still didn’t understand what Louis was saying, but he decided to just listen and not say anything unless he was asked.

“They were both willing to risk their necks for you- They _are_ willing to do risk everything for you.” Louis said “All of them.”

“Yes.” Mike said.

“But you don’t want them to, do you?” Louis asked then, and it took Mike a moment before he realized what Louis was asking.

“No, I don’t.”

“You’re in love with him.” Louis said “Harvey.”

“Yeah.” Mike said.

“Do you want to stay?”

Mike didn’t know what to say. He understood everything that Louis was asking, but the questions seemed too hard to understand. It felt like there weren’t enough words in the English language for him to actually try to explain what he was feeling.

Mike took a deep breath. “I am so tired of them always being in danger because of me.” Mike said “I am tired of being scared all the time...” he said, and then bit the inside of his cheek and shook his head “But god, I love this job, Louis.”

Louis actually smiled at him.

“I love helping people, and I love the feeling of accomplishment whenever I can crack a puzzle or find a loophole.” Mike said “I love waking up every morning and knowing exactly what I need to do, and that I get to go into the office and see my friends…”

“So?”

“Yes.” Mike said “I want to stay.”

Louis nodded before answering “Then stay.”

Mike couldn’t believe what Louis had just said.

“What?” He asked, immediately regretting it in case Louis had already changed his mind.

“You heard me.” Louis answered “This is your life we're talking about here, what you put in my hands.”

“So it's my choice then?” Mike asked, as he was finally catching up to everything that was happening. “The outcome relies on me.”

“Yeah.” Louis said.

Mike understood it now. Louis couldn’t make up his mind because even though he was afraid to admit it, he still wanted to be on the team and he still cared about all of them, but on the other hand he was afraid of what Mike’s lie could do to the firm he loved.

“You wanted to give me chance out?” Mike asked.

Louis shrugged. “I figured you never would have given me the opportunity to fire you unless a part of you wanted it.” He said.

“You know.” Mike said with a smile. “Sometimes I think you know me better than anyone.”

Louis scoffed “Better than Harvey?”

“Yeah.” Mike answered without missing a beat. Because it was true. Harvey knew Mike better than he knew himself, he could see beneath the surface and dig out all his insecurities and the things that made him happy without Mike ever having to tell him.

Louis though, Mike and Louis had a lot of things in common that Harvey and Mike had never shared. Harvey hadn’t been able to understand why Mike had been stupid enough to put his future in Louis’ hands, it could be because he wanted him to stay so bad that he couldn’t see it, but still. Louis had known right away. Louis could see how Mike’s conscious tore at him because he knew that Mike loved the law just as much as he did.

Mike had been able to get through that hard exterior that Louis had put up when they had first met and they managed to become friends. There had been too many times that they had both risked that friendship over stupid things that didn’t really matter in the end and he was tired of it.

“You hungry?” Mike asked, “I’m buying.”

“I could go for a steak.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am already looking forward to giving you next week's chapter. I am pretty sure you are either going to hate it or love it.


	33. Chapter 33

Mike had never felt more relieved in his life. Everything was finally falling into place. He still had his job Louis had forgiven him, he and Rachel were on good terms, Jessica was very pleased on how he was handling the pro-bono case and he and Harvey were still going strong.

To be fair, they hadn’t even been a real couple for a week yet, but with their track-record, anything more than two day should be impressing. Most of that might have to do with the fact that Mike was so busy working on his own case and Harvey was still trying to charm the pants off Jason Singer so they hadn’t been able to spend that much time together.

Still, they were able to balance their work-amount and making time for each other fairly well. On the days they just couldn’t make time to have lunch together; Harvey would stop by Mike’s office with a coffee and check up on him, and whenever they were both working late, Mike would often stop by Harvey’s office for a drink or just to talk.

After Louis had forgiven Mike, Mike had felt like his entire world was spinning. He had texted Harvey on his way back to the office.

‘ _I’m staying’_

Harvey hadn’t replied, and Mike figured he was in a meeting or that he was just too busy to reply. When had returned to the office, he realized that Harvey had been updating Jessica, but had gotten his text. Mike had barely been able to greet him before he was met with a ‘follow me’. Harvey had looked very determined and Mike had no idea what was going on as he all but hurried after Harvey.

Mike hadn’t even been able to lock the door of the handicap bathroom before Harvey was on his knees in front of him.

Overall, it had been a very good day.

The rest of the week had been exhausting though, as Mike had gone all in on the pro-bono case and tried his hardest to settle without having to go to court. It still felt new to him whenever he worked a case where Harvey was just supervising him, without actually getting involved.

Mike didn’t bother to knock on Harvey’s door, he only smiled at Donna as he passed her. If she didn’t stop him, it meant that he was free to come and go as he pleased.

“Hey.” Mike said as he went over to Harvey’s desk and flopped a file in front of him. “Copy of the statements, thought you’d like to look through it when you have a chance.”

“Sure, thanks.” Harvey answered as he leaned back in his chair to meet Mike’s eyes. “How is it going?”

“Good.” Mike said “They are crumbling, trying to settle for twenty grand.”

“You’re not going to accept that are you?” Harvey asked.

Mike scoffed. “Please, do you know me?”

“Good boy.” Harvey replied with a smile, and Mike couldn’t help but smile back at him.

“How are things going on your end?” Mike asked “Do you need any help?”

Harvey sighed a bit before gesturing to the amount of paperwork that was stacked up on his desk. “I think I have my weekend planned out for me.” Harvey said “Jessica wants me to review all of these by Monday.”

Mike furrowed his brows before he went to pick up one of the briefs and looked it over. Performance reviews. “This looks more like Louis’ kind of thing.” Mike remarked “And I thought she wanted you to focus all of your attention on the Singer thing?”

Harvey groaned. “Yeah, well…” Harvey said “Apparently managing partners has to do a lot more than just look pretty and win cases, and she has Louis monitoring the firm’s financial performance.”

“Sounds fun.” Mike said before he put the documents back down and winked at Harvey. “You want me to help?”

“You want to go over the performance reviews for the associates?”

“Yes!” Mike answered at once. “Is mine in there?”

“I think that’s highly unethical.” Harvey answered, but he looked slightly amused by Mike’s enthusiasm. “Besides, you’ve worked really hard this week, do you really want to spend your weekend doing paperwork?”

“I want to spend the weekend with you.” Mike answered.

He couldn’t help but laugh when he heard Donna’s ‘aww’ over the intercom.

“Donna!” Harvey replied, but only rolled his eyes at Donna when she winked at him from her desk. “Mike, I’d love to, I just have a million things to do.”

“Already trying to get rid of me?” Mike asked “I mean, I know you’re emotionally constipated when it comes to relationships, but this has to be a new record for you.”

“Wow, prince Charming is real.” Harvey said “Seriously, keep up the flattering, it will get you very far.”

Mike glared at him and Harvey sighed in defeat.

“Dinner?” Harvey asked, and Mike smiled at him. He wasn’t able to answer though, because suddenly Donna was right beside him.

“Singer wanted to know if you have time for dinner tonight, I told him that you’d clear you schedule.” She said and looked apologetically at Mike. Mike sighed and slumped his shoulders.

Harvey actually looked at Mike for a second, silently apologizing before answering. “Yeah, sure.” He told Donna before turning his attention back to Mike. “Raincheck?”

Mike nodded. “Sure.” He said “Just to be clear, you aren’t dating us both as the same time are you? Because he’s spent more time with you the last week than I have.”

“You are so funny.” Harvey answered sarcastically. “When and where, Donna?”

“DiAngelo’s at seven.” She replied.

Mike groaned. «I love DiAngelos’».

Harvey smiled sweetly at him, which almost made it all worth it. Almost.

“Oh, and just so you know.” She said “He had lunch with Scottie yesterday, Daisy from accounting spotted them.”

Mike just nodded absentmindedly before he realized what Donna had just said. “Wait, what?” he asked before looking from Donna to Harvey. “Scottie’s back in town?”

Donna gaped at him, clearly not believing what he was asking, before she looked accusingly at Harvey.

“Yeah, she’s the other attorney that Singer’s considering.” Harvey answered, and he must have seen something on Mike’s face because Harvey’s expression suddenly changed from nonchalant to slightly worried. “I was going to tell you, but I didn’t want it to seem like a big deal.”

“If you didn’t think it was a big deal then you should have mentioned it when you found out.” Mike said. “Did you leave it out on purpose?”

Donna looked like she was torn between feeling sorry for Mike, and wanting to strangle Harvey.

“Are you jealous?” Harvey asked, actually sounding a little amused. It just pissed Mike off even more, because he knew what Harvey was thinking and this was nothing like him and Rachel.

“I have work to do.” Mike said, and he realized that he was probably acting childish, but he really didn’t want to make a scene, plus Donna was right there and he felt like such fool at the moment that he thought it would be better to just walk away.

It didn’t surprise him at all that it took less than ten minutes before Harvey was in his office.

“I should have told you.”

“I really don’t want to do this right now.” Mike said “Acting professional at work, remember?”

Mike never thought that he would be the one having to tell Harvey that.

Harvey sighed, but instead of listening to Mike, he closed the door behind him and sat down in front of Mike. “Mike, it’s not a big deal.”

Mike wanted to yell, but he was able to keep himself together. “Have you talked to her?”

“After Jason told me that he was considering her as his lawyer, I went to see her.” Harvey said “We talked by the coffee court outside of her firm’s building for fifteen minutes, that’s it.”

“She wasn’t surprised when you broke your reunion-sex tradition?” Mike hated how bitter he sounded. To be honest, he didn’t really know why he was so jealous, because Mike knew that Harvey loved _him._

“Since you’re clearly upset, I am going to let that one slide.” Harvey answered. “I’m sorry that we can’t have dinner tonight and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you.”

“Two apologies in one sentence, you must really like me.” Mike said, realizing that he was fishing for Harvey to confirm what he was saying.

“Sounds about right.” Harvey answered with a smile.

Mike sighed, because it was really hard staying mad at Harvey when he looked at him like that and Mike really didn’t want to mess up what they had already. On the other hand, he knew it would just be stupid if he bottled up how he was feeling to avoid a fight, then they would for sure never make it in the end.

“I just think it’s a really dick move after the way you acted about me and Rachel.” Mike said, as he was able to keep a straight face and actually let Harvey know that he was serious.

“We wouldn’t be together if I hadn’t acted like that.” Mike just hated how cocky Harvey sounded.

Mike shook his head and bit the inside of his cheek “Just forget about it.” He said as he turned his attention back to what he had been working on before Harvey had walked in. “Like I said, I don’t want to discuss this here and I have a lot of work to do, so.”

“Fine.” Harvey replied then as he got up from the chair and buttoned the jacket of his suit. “We can talk later.”

“Mhm.” Was Mike’s only response, as he didn’t even bother to look up. He could already feel the look Harvey was giving him though, as if the man wasn’t sure if he should say something or not. He decided on the later, as Mike heard him leave.

Harvey didn’t stop by to check how Mike’s work was going before he left for dinner, and Mike was oddly glad that he didn’t. He hadn’t wanted to start a fight, but apparently it seemed like they were in one. Mike sighed heavily as he dragged his palms over his face.

Mike looked over at the clock on his computer screen and wondered if he should pack his shit, then when he looked back up, Donna was suddenly standing in front of his desk.

“Shit!” Mike yelped, as he almost fell out of his chair. “What the hell are you? Some kind of ninja?”

“You were distracted.” Donna answered before stepping closer to Mike, making her way around his desk. “I get that you’re upset, I thought he’d told you.”

“Did you?” Mike asked, even though he had seen the surprised look on Donna’s face when she realized Mike hadn’t known. Mike knew Donna though, and he was well aware of the dynamic between her and Harvey. Which mean that Mike also knew that Donna would have asked Harvey if he had told Mike, and how Mike had taken it that Harvey had contacted Scottie.

“After he told me that he was going up against Scottie, I asked him how you reacted to the news.” Donna answered “He told me he was going to tell you and I thought he had.”

That really didn’t make Mike feel any better, it just made his suspicions about Harvey not telling him on purpose seem even more real.

“You know he would never cheat on you right?” Donna asked, and Mike nodded at once.

Of course he knew that Harvey wouldn’t cheat on him. Harvey had zero tolerance for cheating, which meant that when he was with Mike, he was with him one hundred percent. It didn’t stop the sinking feeling in Mike’s gut though.

“I know he won’t.” Mike answered “But I never thought that Rachel would do that either…” He said, and then stopped Donna with a wave of his hand when she opened her mouth to speak. “I know that Harvey isn’t Rachel, but Scottie and him have a real past, just like Rachel had with Logan and I-“

He stopped there, not really knowing what to say since he couldn’t really grasp why it upset him so much. “I just don’t understand why he didn’t tell me.”

“Harvey sucks at relationships.” Donna said “Trust me, he tried to give Scottie a bottle of whiskey as a present.”

Mike almost smiled at the tone of Donna’s voice. She looked at him for a moment before continuing. “I have never seen him like this before.” She said “The way he is with you, when he talks about you, just… Don’t give up on him just yet, okay?”

“Couldn’t if I tried.” Mike said honestly, because even though he hated how Harvey had been keeping this from him, he was almost scared to think about how there was almost nothing Harvey could do that would make Mike fall out of love.

“Good.” Donna said “I am heading home, I suggest you do the same.”

“Why are you here so late anyway?” Mike asked.

“Wanted to make sure you were okay.” Donna answered with a genuine smile, and Mike couldn’t help but grin then.

“Thanks, Donna.” Mike said “You know this place would probably burn to the ground without you, right?”

“Yes, I am well aware.” She answered “I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Yeah.” Mike said “Have a good weekend.”

Mike glanced over at the clock again; Harvey was probably on his way home by now. He finished the draft he was working on, and tidied his workspace to the best of his ability before packing his stuff.

He picked up his phone to call Harvey when he realized that the man had texted him.

_I really am sorry._

Mike took a deep breath, and noticed that Harvey had sent that during his dinner meeting and he couldn’t help but smile at that.

_I’ll try harder to stop doing stupid shit that I have to apologize to you for._

Mike laughed, knowing full well that from Harvey Specter, that might as well have been a love letter.

Standing outside of Harvey’s apartment, he felt a kind of anticipation in his chest, it might have just been because of the fact that he knew make-up sex was on the table, but there was also something more that he couldn’t quite explain.

He knocked on the door, knowing that even though he had a key, that Harvey deserved some privacy in his own home. It took a moment or two until he opened and Harvey looked genuinely surprised to see him.

“Mike.” He said as he opened the door and before he could even greet him properly, Mike made his way past him and started rambling about how he had exaggerated and how he really wanted the two of them to work.

His rambling was interrupted abruptly though, when Mike stopped dead in his tracks as he saw no other than Dana Scott sitting on Harvey’s couch, looking Mike up and down.

“Scottie.” Mike said, barely noticing how Harvey was now standing beside him. “What are you doing here?”

“Harvey and I had some business to discuss.” Scottie answered, and there was something in the way that she was looking at Mike that he really didn’t appreciate, but he just couldn’t pin down exactly what it was.

“Okay.” Was all Mike was able to answer, because he knew that whatever he wanted to say would just sound stupid and out of line. “Then I should probably go.”

“Mike.” Scottie said then, before Mike was able to move an inch. He hadn’t even dared or wanted to turn his head to face Harvey yet. “I just wanted you to know that your secret is safe with me.” She said “I’m not going to tell anyone.”

“What-“ Mike began, before he could practically feel Harvey stiffen beside him, and then saw the look on Scottie’s face, as she suddenly seemed surprised. Mike finally turned around to face Harvey. “You told her?”

Harvey sighed heavily and reached out to grasp Mike’s arm, but Mike was already walking away. This was just too much all at once to comprehend.

Scottie was in Harvey’s apartment. Scottie knew his secret. Why the hell had Harvey told her? Mike couldn’t even grasp what was going on as he all but ran out the door and into the elevator. When he saw Harvey following him, he quickly pushed the button to make the doors close, but Harvey was too fast and slid past them just as they closed.

“Mike.”

“Let me guess.” Mike said, already feeling his voice failing him. “It’s not what it seems.”

“No, it’s not.” Harvey said “She showed up here after my meeting with Singer, she’s been here less than twenty minutes.”

“Oh, and in that time you decided to tell her that I was a fraud?” Mike asked, his voice was raspy and he hated how he wasn’t able to control his emotions when it came to something threatening his relationship with Harvey.

“Of course not.” Harvey answered before taking a deep breath. “I told her before she left the firm, hoping that she would stay.”

Mike wanted to yell at him, but instead he tried to put himself in Harvey’s shoes. He understood why he had told her, Harvey had loved Scottie and wanted to be with her and Mike’s secret had stood in the way of that. Mike knew that Harvey bore the consequences of that secret the same way that Mike did, but it didn’t make him feel any better.

“Then why the hell didn’t you tell me that?” Mike asked, he didn’t sound angry or bitter anymore, just sad. “This is my life we’re talking about here, Harvey, and you didn’t even feel it was important to tell me that she knew.” It was a statement, not a question.

The elevator dinged, and Mike walked past Harvey without another word. He didn’t know if he was relieved or not when Harvey followed him out into the street.

“Mike.” He said, but Mike didn’t turn around. He couldn’t turn around. “Mike.” He said again as he grabbed Mike by the arm and forced him to turn around and face him. “Don’t go.”

“You should get back to Scottie.” Mike said, his voice so low, like he had completely given up on fighting.

“I should have told you.”

“Yeah, there’s a lot of that going around lately.” Mike answered, as he looked down at his feet, knowing that if he saw that look in Harvey’s eyes, that it would be too easy to forgive him.

“I know.” Harvey answered. “I was trying to protect you.”

“I know that too.” Mike replied with a sad smile as he was able to look Harvey in the eye again. “You and I, we aren’t supposed to have any secrets.” He said “And I know that whenever you are hiding something from me, it’s because you think you’re protecting me.”

“I am.”

“No.” Mike said on a sad laugh, as he swallowed. “You didn’t tell me that Jessica knew my secret, or that you were aware that my grandmother had died without saying anything…” He said before letting out a breath. “The fact that you hide things about you and Scottie from me because you think you are protecting me, scares the shit out of me.”

“Mike-“

“Why do you think I need protecting from that?” Mike asked. “If it really isn’t that big of a deal. You’ve told me over and over again to trust you, but you keep…” He couldn’t even finish the sentence, he just shook his head. “When Rachel wanted to get back together, I told you about it.” He said.

“I know.” Harvey said, and he sounded as if he was well aware that he fucked up. “But Scottie doesn’t want to get back together, and I don’t want to be with her.” He said “I want to be with you.”

“You told her my secret in order to stay with her.” Mike said and knew that in a second he would start rambling again. “You’ve known her for so long, and she was probably your first love, and you have a past with her and stories you could tell your grandkids without having to worry about them being charged with accessory to fraud…”

He knew he was rambling and getting way ahead of himself, but for the first time since Mike had found out about Scottie, he was also realizing why he had felt so uneasy about it. Yes, it was jealousy, but on a whole other level than what Harvey had thought. When Rachel had told him about her and Logan’s past, Mike had decided to pretend it didn’t matter even though it was all he could think about and it had turned into a nightmare of fights and pushing Rachel away. He was going to be honest with Harvey, that way, if their relationship didn’t make it in the end, at least it wasn’t because he never told him how he really felt.

“That’s really unfair.” Harvey said as he shook his head.

“Yeah, it is.” Mike answered.

“You honestly think I would cheat on you after everything I’ve told you? Everything we’ve been through?” He asked.

“No.” Mike replied, as he felt his vision blur as tears were threatening to escape. “I’m not afraid you’ll cheat on me.” He said “I’m afraid that you might want to.”

Harvey looked like he was trying to grasp what Mike was saying, and Mike knew that it might sound confusing. But that didn’t make it any less true. Mike knew that Harvey would never do anything with Scottie or anyone else as long as they were together, but that didn’t mean that Harvey wasn’t human. Harvey might one day wish for a normal relationship with a beautiful and successful woman who loved Harvey more than anything, instead of one with a man he constantly had to lie for, and feel the need to lie to.

Mike knew it wasn’t fair to say something like that to Harvey, but nothing about this situation was fair. He thought they were past this now, but at least Mike was willing to be open about how he was feeling.

Harvey seemed as if he was at a loss for words, and Mike couldn’t blame him for that either. He shook his head in disbelief at what was happening.

“I fucked up.” Harvey said, and surprisingly, he wasn’t trying to defend his actions anymore, which actually helped a little bit.

“I should go.” Mike said then, because he honestly felt like there was no more to say.

“Don’t.” Harvey said. “Come inside and we can talk about this.”

“Sure, I’ll just wait out here while you tell Scottie to leave.” Mike said, and regretted it immediately because he knew that sarcastic and bitter words were the last thin that should be said between them at the moment.

“Then we’ll go to your place.” Harvey said and Mike actually smiled at that. “Mike, I need you to believe me when I tell you that I want to be with you.”

“I do believe you.” Mike said “I guess it’s almost a character flaw of mine.” He said with another smile.

He then leaned in and kissed Harvey softly on the cheek, before palming the spot with his thumb. “Go deal with Scottie.” He said “I’ll talk to you later.”

Mike had no idea how he was able to walk away from Harvey, he just knew that it got harder each time he had to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many of you thought that you would love it, and now all of you hate me. As always, I tried to keep the story as realistic as possible so I am going to try to describe this chapter for you since a lot of you usually have comments and questions after my emotionally-driven chapters:  
> 1\. I find it odd that they never dealt with the whole 'Harvey telling Scottie about Mike's secret' on the show, so I decided to deal with that now that I've brought Scottie back.  
> 2\. I tried to explain how the dynamic of Harvey and Mike's relationship when it comes to Harvey wanting to protect Mike from anything, just doesn't work now that they are a couple and that some things need to change.  
> 3\. I think too many things are going on and there is still too much unsolved between Harvey and Mike for them to have their happy ending already. Even though they are getting better at sharing their feelings, Harvey is still not the best at being in a relationship and he's still trying to adapt.   
> 4\. I love angst, okay?


	34. Chapter 34

Mike had poured his heart out and made himself completely vulnerable and all Harvey had been able to do was stand there and stare at him like an idiot. Harvey wished he had been able to say something to make Mike stay. He wished he hadn’t let Mike walk way.

Harvey had never felt more lost. If there was one thing Harvey Specter excelled at though, it was getting what he wanted, no matter how impossible the situation seemed. What Harvey wanted, was Mike Ross. The only problem was that he had absolutely no idea what to do. There was no game-plan this time, no voice in the back of his head telling him what was the right thing to do. Mike hadn't wanted to stay, and Harvey wasn't sure if he wanted him to chase after him either. 

Scottie was still waiting for him when he came back inside. She was patient when the situation required it.

“What was that about?” She asked, leaning against the side of Harvey’s kitchen counter.

Harvey shook his head. “It’s a long story.”

“That was about more than him being upset that you told me, wasn’t it?” Scottie asked, and Mike had been right about something; Scottie did know him very well.

“Why would you think that?”“

“The Harvey Specter I know doesn’t chase after anyone.” Scottie replied, she sounded confident but there was a touch of hurt in her voice. “I should have known that he was the exception.”

“We’re together.” Harvey said, before the conversation with Mike hit him all over again. “At least I hope we still are.”

She nodded in understanding, but didn’t say anything. Scottie was one of the few people in the world that knew about Jake Summerton back in college, so at least she wouldn’t be surprised that Harvey was with a guy.

“Should have known that as well.” Scottie finally said on laugh. “What happened?”

“You really want to know that?” Harvey asked, he knew that he had hurt Scottie greatly and didn’t think she would be very happy knowing that Harvey had moved on with no other than Mike Ross. “I thought you wanted to discuss friendly competition about Jason Singer.”

“You are such an asshole.” Scottie commented, but of course, Harvey already knew that. “Once again, everything comes down to Mike fucking Ross.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Harvey asked, even though he knew what she meant, he just hated it when someone said Mike’s name like that.

“You want to be with him?” Scottie asked “Go fight for him.”

“He didn’t’ want me to-“

“Of course he wants you to.” Scottie replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and Harvey was just too dense to understand. “I have known you since _law school_ , Harvey.” She said.

“Yes?”

“So I know you a lot better than you think.” She said “You have always been the same, cocky and arrogant and you haven’t really cared much about anything other than being the best and kicking ass.”

“I cared about you.” Harvey said, feeling offended that Scottie would even think that their relationship hadn’t meant shit to him.

She rolled his eyes at him. “I wasn’t suggesting that you didn’t, I know damn well that you cared about me.” Scottie said, getting seriously annoyed that he wasn’t understanding what she was trying to tell him. “I am trying to say that you changed, the moment you put that kid under your wing, you started caring about something more than you cared about yourself.”

“Yes.” Harvey couldn’t do anything but agree.

“You should have a gold medal in fighting for that kid.” Scottie said “How is this time any different?”

“I don’t know what to do!” Harvey almost yelled. “I told him I wanted to be with him, that I was protecting him, I told him that I love him, but he is still pushing me away!”

Scottie’s mouth fell open, and it took a moment for Harvey to register why.

“You told him that you love him?” She asked, and that was not something that Harvey should have thrown in her face like that.

He could only nod.

“Do you?”

“Yes.” He answered at once, even though Scottie already knew the answer, Harvey didn’t say anything he didn’t mean.

“He loves you?”

“Yes.”

Scottie swallowed heavily and nodded in understanding as she was taking in everything that Harvey had said. “Then why are you still standing here talking to me?” she asked.

“I told you-“

“He is not pushing you away, Harvey.” Scottie said, her voice was much calmer and Harvey wasn’t sure if he appreciated that or not. “If he loves you and wants to be with you, then why the hell would he push you away?”

“Because he’s scared.” Harvey answered without any doubt, and then he realized what Scottie had done. It was a total Donna move. “He’s scared.”

Scottie shrugged “I’d be.”

Harvey sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, Scottie.” He said, and she could only nod.

“Be happy, okay?” She asked, before she went over to him and kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you around.”

With that, she was gone as well. Harvey wished he had been able to say something more that time as well.

Harvey didn’t know what to do, but obviously Scottie had been right. Fighting for Mike was one of his specialties, but he had never been very good at doing to his face. That had to change though, a lot had to change if he and Mike were to stand a chance.

All Mike had wanted was for Harvey to be honest with him. Harvey knew the feeling all to well, and after everything Mike had been through this last few months, it was the least Harvey could do. 

Harvey took a deep breath before he grabbed his jacket and keys, just hoping that Mike really did want Harvey to follow him.

He was out of breath by the time he was standing outside of Mike’s door, and wondered if this was how it felt like to have a panic attack. Harvey felt slightly pathetic, but he also knew that it only meant that this was so important to him that he couldn’t calm down. Mike was too important.

Harvey knocked the door, but no one answered. He then knocked again, and again, until he must have sounded slightly frantic and Mike finally opened the door.

“Harvey?” he asked, as he looked very confused by seeing him standing there. “I thought you were my neighbor.”

Harvey didn’t comment that or ask why Mike would think that as he could vaguely remember Mike mentioning something about an annoying neighbor who constantly wanted to borrow his stuff. Harvey should really learn how to listen to people, not just hearing what they had to say.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

“It’s late.” Mike replied, even though it really wasn’t that late and Harvey felt his chest tightening at the response.

“Please.” Harvey said, reminding himself that fighting for Mike was something he could do.

Mike caved as he opened the door wider to let Harvey inside, and even though Harvey was ready to talk and to tell Mike everything he wanted to know and give their relationship the best possible chance of surviving, he didn’t do any of that. Instead, he palmed Mike’s cheeks and crushed their lips together in a heated kiss. Mike seemed shocked at the gesture and just stood frozen there while Harvey poured everything he hadn’t been able to say into that kiss.

Mike was the one to pull back. “Harvey, if you came here to-“

“I came here to talk.” Harvey said, not wanting to know where Mike was going. “Sorry.”

Mike smiled and nodded at him and gestured for him to come sit down and talk on the couch. Harvey wanted to seem confident, but instead he was just nervous and he had to keep reminding himself that this was probably what being open and honest in a relationship meant.

“I told Scottie about us.” Was the first thing Harvey was able to say.

“Oh.” Mike said, clearly he didn’t think that mattered. “How did that go?”

“Probably about as well as it did when you told Rachel.” Harvey said “But that doesn’t matter.”

Mike shrugged “What does matter then?”

“Us.” Harvey replied, “I know I seriously messed up and you were absolutely right, I had no right to act the way I did, especially after the whole Rachel thing.”

“Always nice to be right.” Mike said, and Harvey could tell that he still wasn’t saying what Mike needed to hear.

“I’m scared too.” Harvey said then, knowing that this was it, it was time to let his guard down and for Mike to see all those insecure pieces of him that was bubbling beneath the surface of his skin. “I was scared.”

Mike just looked at him like he was a question mark, but he finally seemed interested in hearing what Harvey was saying.

“I made you feel like it was all on you when you didn’t want us to be a couple.” Harvey said “But I was just as scared as you were, but it was just easier for me to let it be up to you and I’m sorry about that.”

“Okay.” Mike said, and Harvey wasn’t sure if that was a question or not.

“I hate that I felt like that.” Harvey said before he took a deep breath, now or never. Just let it go. This was Mike, Mike would never judge him or tease him about this. Mike who only wanted Harvey to love him. “I hate that I spent so much time being afraid of being with you.” Harvey said “I hate that we both wasted so much time, because… Tonight, when you left?” He said. “I realized that the thought of being _without you_ scares me more than anything.”

Mike looked shocked at the words, because this was Harvey pouring his heart out and to be honest, Harvey didn’t like it all. He felt naked, raw and uncomfortable as he waited for Mike to reply. This just wasn’t like him, but he knew that what he was saying was true, that nothing was more terrifying than losing Mike, not even this.

“The reason why I didn’t even connect the dots about how you could be worried about Scottie, and how I acted with Rachel is because to me, there was no comparison.” Harvey said “I wanted you, all of you, and Rachel already had that. It was never like that with me and Scottie.”

“I loved you the most.” Mike said then, stopping whatever point that Harvey was trying to make.

“What?” Harvey asked.

“With Rachel, I was under this impression that she and I were meant to be, and when we finally got together for real, I was stupidly fearless, and I acted like this hopeless romantic. She made me _so_ happy.”

Harvey didn’t want to hear this, but he realized that maybe Mike was trying to tell him something very important, and Harvey tried his best to listen.

“When you and I got together…” Mike began “I was broken.” He said “I was cynical and I didn’t want to believe in love or ever give it another chance… But you stayed with me anyway.”

“You weren’t broken.” Harvey commented “A little bruised and bent maybe.”

Mike genuinely smiled at him then. “Doesn’t change the fact that you didn’t leave me.” He said, “That’s why I love you so much, probably even more than I could ever love her.”

Harvey finally knew what people were talking about when they said that their heart skipped a beat. He had come here to be honest with Mike, and to fight for him, and yet again; Mike was the one pouring his heart out and making Harvey feel more loved than he ever had in his life.

“I didn’t think I was good enough for you.” Harvey said then. “That’s why I was so scared, because I was so afraid that if you really did fall for me, then I would find a way to fuck it up and hurt you.”

“Harvey.” Mike said on a breath, and now he seemed to be the one that was at a loss of words. “It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything…”

“I do though, don’t I?” Harvey continued, “Because I can tell you that I love you all day and every day, but I get that after what you’ve been through that that won’t always be enough.”

“Yeah, but that’s my issues.” Mike said as he looked away from Harvey, probably feeling stupid even though he had no reason to.

“Which makes them my issues.” Harvey said “I knew exactly what I was getting myself into with you, I just didn’t get what that meant on my part.”

“I love you too, you know.” Mike replied “All day, every day.”

Harvey smiled hugely at him, because how could he not?

“Do you ever think that we went too fast?” Mike asked “With everything.”

“Maybe.” Harvey answered, because he would lie if he had answered otherwise. Things had become very complicated, very fast, after that night when Mike had showed up at Harvey’s apartment and kissed him breathless. They had danced around each other for so long, even though both of them knew that they were falling for each other. Then their emotions had gotten the best and the worst of them; stupid fights and jealousy followed by nights of love and passion. They had never been able to balance it out properly or communicate in an honest way. When Mike finally told him that he loved him and Harvey had said it back, he had thought things would change for the better, and it had, but it wasn’t some magical solution.

Even though it had felt like forever ago that Mike had first made that move and kissed him, Harvey had to remind himself that it only had been a few weeks. So yes, Harvey had thought that maybe they should have waited; maybe they should have gone out on dates and talked about things that potential couples talked about.

Maybe things would be different now, not so complicated, but Harvey hated thinking about ‘what if’s.’

“But we can’t go back.” Harvey said “And I’m not sure if I want to.”

“I just feel like we did everything backwards.” Mike answered as he kept his eyes interlocked with Harvey’s.

“You regret it, then?” Harvey asked, barely able to get the words out, as he wasn’t even sure if he could take the answer.

“Of course not, Harvey.” Mike said and looked at Harvey as if he was a complete idiot. “No regrets, remember?” he said as he reached out and stroked the side of Harvey’s neck. “We’ll just have to work on communicating a little better.”

“Seems to be reoccurring pattern.” Harvey said, but he still nodded in agreement. “I’m glad you were honest with me.”

“Really?” Mike asked, as if he seemed unsure about that. Harvey could understand why, if the situations had been reversed, he probably would have been sitting around wondering if he should have kept his mouth shut in order to avoid such a big fight.

“Yes.” Harvey replied with a smile as he leaned in a little closer. “I need someone to remind me when I’m being a dick.”

“It’s what I live for.” Mike replied with a cheeky grin that Harvey really didn’t mind.

“I really am sorry.” Harvey said for what felt like the hundred time, but he still hadn’t gotten the reply he so desperately needed.

“I forgive you.” Mike answered, because he always did. The same way Harvey always forgave him whenever he screwed up. It might not be healthy, but at least it showed how much they cared about each other.

“You were wrong about before, you know.” Harvey said, and Mike quirked his eyebrows at him.

“About what?”

“Scottie wasn’t my first love.” Harvey said, before moving closer to Mike and palming his cheek, grateful that Mike leaned into the touch. “You are.”

Mike’s eyes all but snapped open at that, and Harvey almost would have laughed if the situation hadn’t already been so tense.

“What?” He asked.

“You heard me.” Harvey said, and he was surprised at how overwhelmingly good it felt to actually say it out loud. It wasn’t scary at all. “You’re the only person I’ve ever loved.”

Mike just stared at him, looking as if he was about to break down any second, but instead he let out an amazing heartfelt laugh before shaking his head in disbelief. “Damn you, Harvey Specter.” He said before he grabbed Harvey by the collar of the jacket he was still wearing and brought their lips together.

Of course he did.

There was nothing Harvey Specter did better, than fight for Mike Ross.

Mike pulled him closer and Harvey tried his best to help him as Mike was desperately trying to get his coat off, when Mike started unbuttoning Harvey’s shirt though, Harvey had to force himself to pull away. “Wait, Mike.” He said “I came here to talk.”

“God, shut up.” Mike said before bringing their lips back together, and okay, Harvey wasn’t going to argue with that. Mike’s tongue immediately found it’s way past Harvey’s lips as he was trying to get impossibly closer to the other man. “I love you.” He breathed out between kisses, and Harvey could do nothing but nod in agreement as he dragged them both to their feet.

Just like the first time, they were clumsy and a little uncoordinated on their way to Mike’s bedroom, discarding their pants and shirts somewhere along the way.

 _It’ll be fun for me to teach you something for a change_ he could remember Mike telling him with that devious look in his eye.

It seemed like a lifetime ago as Harvey’s skilled hands made their way into Mike’s underwear, and Harvey chuckled as Mike let out a loud moan. He would never get tired of that sound, ever.

_I’m saying that there’s a lot more that you could teach me_

Harvey groaned against Mike’s lips when Harvey squeezed his ass and brought Harvey on top of him as they fell down on the bed. Harvey knew that they needed to move, because the position wasn’t ideal as both of their legs were still dangling over the edge, but at the moment Harvey couldn’t care less.

He kept kissing Mike for all he was worth as Mike’s hands roamed all over his back and shoulders, and Harvey already felt breathless and sweaty as Mike carefully tried to get his underwear off. Of course that wasn’t as easy in the position they were in, and both of them laughed at the struggle. It gave them an opportunity to move properly onto the bed though, and Harvey was more than grateful for that as Mike’s hands made their way to Harvey’s hips as he licked a stripe down Harvey’s neck. “I love you.” Mike breathed again as one of his hands made it’s way to the small of Harvey’s back. It was so hot and so comforting all at once.

_It’s not that I don’t want to, ever._

“What?” Mike asked, and Harvey realized that he had stopped kissing Mike and was not just staring at him, probably like he was the most beautiful thing in the world.

_You’d love it. Trust me._

Harvey smiled at him before he brought his hands around Mike’s body and then flipped them around in one swift move, clearly taking Mike by surprise.

“I trust you.” He said, and Mike just raised his eyebrows in confusion as Mike leaned in for a soft kiss. “I-“ Harvey began again, before he reached down and took a hold of Mike’s hand before bringing it to his own ass, smirking when he noticed how Mike seemed to get the idea. “Trust you.”

“Fuck.” Mike breathed out, looking like he was about to lose his shit.

Harvey, being the major dick that he was, decided to lean in even closer and plant a kiss on the side of Mike’s neck before whispering “Fuck me.” In his boyfriend’s ear.

He was shut up pretty fast after that.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update you guys. I was in London, and I forgot to tell you!

«Was it true what you said last night?» Mike asked as he absentmindedly drew circles on Harvey’s chest with his finger.

“What?” Harvey asked, as he wondered how many hours of sleep he had gotten, after what had to be one of the most rewarding sexual experiences of his life.

Harvey wasn’t naive, and he had known that the first time wouldn’t exactly be spectacular. Except that it had. At first it had been weird, and Harvey had been more tense than he'd like to admit, but the more he relaxed and let himself open up to Mike, the more amazing it had become. Mike had been so eager to make it all about Harvey, and he had carefully taken his time and caressed every part of Harvey’s body. Harvey swallowed as he remembered Mike’s tongue _everywhere._

“That I’m your first love…” Mike said “Or whatever.”

Harvey snickered at the added comment and brought Mike closer to his body, even though they were both so sweaty and sticky from last night, that it was more gross than romantic.

“What, you think I said it just to get you in bed?” Harvey asked, even though he knew that it really wasn’t a question. “Yes, I meant it.”

“But you’re so old.” Mike said, and of course that sneaky bastard would still find an opportunity to tease him.

Harvey pushed him away, but Mike just laughed and plastered himself against Harvey’s side once again. This time he leaned in and kissed Harvey softly on the lips. “I love you too.”

“I know.” Harvey answered with a grin, because there was no doubt in his mind about that. “Your hair is such a mess.”

“Yeah.” Mike said as he ran a hand through it.

“It’s sexy.” Harvey answered, as he reached out and cupped Mike’s chin. “You are _very_ sexy.”

Mike grinned sheepishly, and Harvey couldn’t help but find it adorable.

“You’re not that bad yourself.” Mike said “Although I have to admit that you looked the sexiest I’ve ever seen you last night.”

“Well.” Harvey said “Then I guess we’ll just have to do that again sometime.” Heh said as he gave Mike one quick kiss on the temple before he sat up, hoping that Mike wouldn’t notice the slight hiss he let out a he did so. “

“I really need a shower.”

“Yeah you do!” Mike said proudly as if he was giving himself a mental high five.

“You are a child.” Harvey said as he rolled his eyes.

Mike sat up as well and kissed the side of Harvey’s neck before resting his head on his shoulder, breathing him in. Harvey smiled at the gesture.

“You liked it though, right?” Mike asked, and Harvey knew exactly what he was referring to. A part of him wanted to tease Mike as well, but he was just so happy that they were getting on again, that he just couldn’t do it.

“Yeah.” Harvey said “I honestly didn’t think that I would.”

“Of course not.” Mike answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You are a control freak.”

“I am not.” Harvey answered as he turned his head slightly, trying to meet Mike’s eyes.

“You are though.” Mike said with a smirk on his face. “A little bit.”

“Maybe.” Harvey said with a cheeky grin, as he leaned back a bit into Mike’s touch. “Of course you would be the one to change my mind.”

“Hmm.” Mike hummed happily “I think I need a shower too.”

Harvey grinned “I think you do.”

They showered together, even though there really wasn’t enough room in Mike’s shower. Harvey got the pair of sweats he kept at Mike’s place and borrowed a t-shirt. None of them commented the fact that they had a change of clothes and a toothbrush at each other’s apartment, it just seemed sensible since they had a tendency of staying over without planning it.

Mike changed his sheets while Harvey made French toast, and for a moment, everything seemed normal again. None of them were slightly terrified that they were so domestic together, and none of them mentioned anything about last night’s fight. They didn’t have any reason too either, Harvey knew he needed to be more considerate over the things that might upset his boyfriend, and Mike needed to trust Harvey in their relationship as much as he had when they had been just co-workers and friends.

“This is really good.” Mike said as he stuffed his face with the French toast.

“Thanks.” Harvey said “My dad used to make them on Sundays.”

Mike looked at him then, probably wondering if the memory made Harvey sad, but it was quite the opposite and all he did was smile sweetly at Mike.

“It’s Saturday.” Was all Mike said, and Harvey grinned at him.

“You’re worth it.”

Mike’s smile was huge and Harvey realized that he really shouldn’t care so much about his ego or his pride, and really let Mike see this side of him as well, because Mike’s smile was more than worth it. Whenever he found himself putting up his walls and dismissing Mike’s feelings because of his own pride, it ended in disaster. Those rare times when he actually let his guard down to tell Mike just how much he loved him, or showed him that, everything just seemed to fall into place.

It wasn’t that Harvey wasn’t aware of that, he just found it very intimidating and he had to remind himself that if he really wanted this thing with Mike to work, that he _had_ to let him in. All the way.

“You know what I was thinking?” Mike asked.

“Do I want to know?” Harvey asked back, and Mike just glared at him and Harvey grinned as he took both of their plates and put them in the sink to soak.

“I was thinking that we should to the whole date thing.” Mike answered “You know, go out and-“

“Get to know each other?” Harvey finished his sentence as Mike got up from his chair and joined him over by the kitchen counter.

“You know what I meant.” Mike said and Harvey hummed as his hands made their way around Mike’s body and held him firmly in place in front of him.

“Yes, I know.” Harvey replied “We can go out to dinner tonight.”

“Don’t you have a bunch of reviews to look over?” Mike asked with raised eyebrows and almost smiled when he noticed that Harvey must have forgotten the whole thing.

Harvey seemed to think it over for a moment before answering. “Tell you what.” He said “I’ll go home now-“

“I don’t like this idea.” Mike replied and Harvey snickered at him.

“I’ll go home now and work on those reviews and then we’ll go out tonight.” Harvey said “Anywhere you like.”

“Okay, I know just the place.” Mike answered and Harvey cocked his eyebrows at him, but Mike just winked at him before leaning closer and giving Harvey a quick peck on the lips. “Don’t look so worried.”

“Who knows what kind of shenanigans you have planned.”

Mike laughed “ _Shenanigans?”_

“Yes.” Harvey answered “Shenanigans.”

Mike just hummed in response before leaning in even closer to plant a trail of kisses from Harvey’s neck to behind his ear. “I thought you liked my shenanigans.”

“Depends.” Harvey replied as he tipped his head to the side to give Mike better access. “If you keep that up, your shenanigans will cost us our date tonight.”

“I don’t care.” Mike said, but he did stop what he was doing and leaned back a bit so he could smile at Harvey. “Thank you.”

Harvey furrowed his brows at him. “For what?”

“For coming over last night.” Mike said “For trying.”

“I had to fight for you.” Harvey replied “I guess it’s a character flaw of mine.”

Mike could only smile. “Not a flaw.” He said with a small shake of his head.

**

Mike didn’t want to admit it, but he was actually surprised when Harvey called him later that night and asked him where they should meet. It wasn’t that Harvey had a history of flaking on him, it was just that the man led a very busy life. More often than not, their plans was ruined by some client who had managed to screw up their defense, or someone almost finding out Mike’s secret, or Harvey having to drive off to Staten Island in the middle of the night.

So the fact that Mike had actually managed to plan their date _and_ that they were actually going to execute it, was actually more exciting than it probably should be.

Harvey picked him up at his apartment, and Mike would never stop being grateful for his boyfriend having a towncar and a private driver. It was much easier than trying to get a cab when it was snowing on a Saturday night, that was for damn sure.

Harvey was dressed casually, as Mike had requested, and Mike couldn’t help but grin at him. There was something about Harvey wearing jeans that he would never get tired of seeing, Mike could remember a time when he was convinced that Harvey didn’t even own anything that wasn’t gym clothes or suits.

He greeted Ray, before getting comfortable in his seat next to Harvey, and smiled when Harvey looked suspiciously at him.

“Why are you so worried about where I’m taking you?” Mike asked, and Harvey just glared at him as if that was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Because your imagination has no limits, it’s freaking cold outside and I am worried you are taking me ice-skating or some shit.”

“You are such a romantic.” Mike said sarcastically, but he was in too good of a mood to let Harvey ruin it with his pessimism. “Tell me, Ray, are we going ice-skating?”

“No, Mr. Ross.” Ray answered, clearly amused by the two of them bickering in the backseat like an old married couple.

“You’re in on this too?” Harvey asked, and Ray just gave him a nod in the mirror. “Okay, now I’m really worried.”

“You are such an ass.” Mike remarked, even though there was no actual heat behind the words.

“Why can’t you just tell me?” Harvey asked, but even he seemed to be mellowing out a bit as he smiled at Mike.

“Because it’s a surprise.”

“I hate surprises.”

“Good, cause it’s a sucky one.” Mike replied, and laughed when Harvey’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “It’s just dinner, relax.”

“Dinner?” Harvey asked, as he gestured between them and to what they were wearing. “You said casual.”

“Casual dinner.” Mike said.

“Casual dinner.” Harvey repeated, as if those two words had never been combined before. “Okay.”

Mike grinned now that Harvey was finally just getting with the concept. “Okay.”

Mike watched Harvey’s expression as they continued driving for a good half an hour, but the other man didn’t say anything. Instead, he reached out, put his hand on Mike’s knee, and gave it a tight squeeze before smiling at him.

Mike hoped that one day he would figure out how Harvey’s brain worked, what he was thinking about in moments like these.

Harvey seemed even more confused than he had earlier, when they stopped in the middle of a neighborhood with no restaurant in sight. Mike just smiled reassuringly at him before thanking Ray and getting out of the car, a moment later Harvey followed him.

Mike watched as Harvey looked around, probably wondering what was so special about the place.

“There’s nothing special.” Mike said, as he was trying to read Harvey’s mind. Harvey turned around to face him.

“Did you bring me out here to kill me?” Harvey asked, and Mike cocked his head to the side and glared at him.

“Yes, that was my plan.” Mike answered, “Ray was all on board of course, he was getting tired of your bitching as well.”

Harvey’s expression changed slightly, and he walked over to Mike, his hands in his pockets. It was cold, but at least it had stopped snowing.

“I’m sorry.” Harvey answered, as he must have seen something on Mike’s face that made him realize that maybe this was something important to him. “What is this place?”

“It’s my old house.” Mike said as he pointed to the house across the street. “Right there.”

Harvey looked at Mike for a moment before turning around and looking right at the house Mike had been pointing at.

“Mike…” he said.

“I never brought anyone here before.” Mike said, before Harvey had a chance to say whatever it was he was thinking. “I just thought that since we skipped the whole getting to know each other part, because we felt like we already did, I would have to get creative.”

“It’s nice.” Harvey said, still looking at the house, probably overthinking what he could and couldn’t say. Mike thought it was sweet, but when it came to things like this, Harvey never said anything wrong.

“The owners painted it.” Mike answered as he moved closer to Harvey, as he felt shivers run down his spine. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the cold, or the memories that came flooding back. “You see that added terrace on the right side?” He asked, and Harvey nodded.

“My dad built that when I was seven.” Mike said with a huge smile on his face. “My mom used to go crazy whenever he asked me to help because she was so sure I was going to hurt myself.”

“Clumsy kid, I guessing?” Harvey asked, sounding amused by Mike’s story.

Mike nodded and knew his smile turned sad when Harvey put a hand on his arm. “I just…” Mike said “I love that I can remember everything I read… Sometimes I just wish that I could remember other things as well.”

“Like what?” Harvey asked softly.

“I was just a kid when they died.” Mike answered “And I have a few memories like that, and I try to hold onto them as best as I can, but I feel like I’m forgetting more and more every day.”

“You’re never going to forget them, Mike.” Harvey said, and Mike loved how he had said it like it was a promise.

“I know.” Mike answered, but a part of him knew that he wouldn’t. He would always remember his parents, but some days he wasn’t sure if he was going to forget the smell of his mother’s perfume, or how his father used to leave half-empty coffee cups all over the house, which always annoyed his grandmother when she came to visit. “It’s just-“

“Yeah.” Harvey said as he gave Mike a quick kiss to his temple “I know.”

Strangely enough, Mike believed him.

“Come on.” Mike said as he smiled at Harvey, as if he hadn’t just shared something personal and heartbreaking. “The restaurant is just around the block.”

“Sounds great.” Harvey said as he took Mike’s hand in his “I’m starving.”

Lately, Mike had found it strangely entertaining to watch Harvey’s face whenever Mike showed him or told him something that surprised the other man. The funny thing about it was that Harvey Specter wasn’t someone who was shocked very often, and when he wasn’t able to hide it, it was kind of hilarious.

That same surprised expression was on Harvey’s face, mixed with some amusement, as Mike was showered with hugs as soon as they entered the restaurant.

“Michael James Ross, where the hell have you been, boy?”

“Nice to see you too, Carrie-Ann.” Mike answered as he watched Harvey from the corner of his eye.

“I haven’t seen you in ages.” She replied “How have you been?

“Great.” Mike answered, a little awkwardly.

“I can see that.” Carrie-Ann replied as she turned her attention towards Harvey, realizing at once that they weren’t just friends or colleagues “And who is this handsome devil?”

Harvey smiled charmingly at her, before shaking her hand. “Harvey Specter.” He answered. “Nice to meet you.

“Harvey Specter.” She said as if Carrie-Ann was trying out the name. “I hope you like peach cobbler, Mr. Specter.”

“Harvey.” Harvey insisted, and Mike loved hos informal he sounded. He loved how Harvey was able to adapt to every situation he was put in. “I love cobbler.”

Mike couldn’t even remember Harvey ever eating dessert.

She showed them to a nice table in the back, and Mike just smiled at Harvey for the longest time before the other man said anything.

“You keep telling me how I’m full of surprises?” Harvey said, but it was more of a question than a statement.

Mike shrugged, but kept smiling at him.

“Carrie-Ann seems nice.” Harvey said, and Mike recognized the question in his voice.

Mike nodded “She used to be my neighbor.” He said and looked down at the menu absent-mindedly for a second before meeting Harvey’s eyes again. “After my parents died, I wasn’t very fond of being at home all the time, but I didn’t want to leave my grandmother alone, so I used to come here because it was close to the house.”

“Really?” Harvey asked.

“Yeah.” Mike said with a smile as the memory flashed before his eyes “She used to make me cobbler.”

Harvey grinned hugely at him. “I can’t wait to try it.” He said, and Mike grinned back.

They ate their dinner while telling jokes and stories, Mike told Harvey about how it was growing up with Trevor before he was an asshole, about the summer when he finally noticed Tess as something more than just the kid next door, and how badass his grandmother always was at parent-teacher conferences.

Carrie-Ann gave them cobbler on the house, and right after Mike told Harvey he had plans to play tennis with Louis that Wednesday, but promised he wouldn’t get high, Harvey bumped his leg against Mike’s under the table and told Mike he loved him.

It didn’t really make any sense, but Mike couldn’t really give a shit.

“I know.” He said “You too.”

"Oh, and Mike..." Harvey said "It wasn't a sucky surprise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this chapter, I think you're really going to like the next one as well!


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you guys that you would probably like this chapter, but now i'm not so sure. There's not a lot of Marvey here, but it's building up to chapter 38, which will be a big one Marvey-wise!

Harvey had told Mike that he had been his first love, and he had meant every word. He remembered how much he had liked Zoe, and how awful he had felt when she had to leave. For a time, he had actually thought that she could be the one he would fall head over heels in love with, so to speak.

Harvey could easily recall how he had felt about Scottie when they had first met, how she had been his biggest rival, but also how much he had admired her. After they finally became a couple after all those years, he wanted nothing more than to be everything she had wanted, and to fall in love with her, the way that she loved him. As much as he had tried, and as much as he had wanted her and as strong as his feelings might have been, it hadn’t been love.

The way he felt about Mike? That was love.

Harvey had never felt it before, and to be honest, he couldn’t even recall when the feelings had started or when he had been absolutely sure about them. They were just there.

It was weird, feeling that way about someone. Sure, he loved his brother, and he loved Donna, but actually being hopelessly in love was so fucking terrifying and so amazing all at once that it sometimes astounded Harvey.

One of those breathtaking moments had taken place the night before, when Mike had showed him his world, his past, those close and personal memories that he hadn’t shared with anyone. Harvey had been baffled, lost for words, and so amazingly proud of Mike. The fact that Mike had felt secure enough to share something like that with him after just a few weeks together, really showed how deep their relationship had actually been, even before they became a couple.

Surprisingly for him, Mike hadn’t stayed over or invited Harvey back to his place after their date. Ray had picked them up and Mike had asked him to drop him off at his own apartment. Harvey hadn’t pouted, at least he wouldn’t admit that he had.

“I don’t put out on the first date.” Mike had said with a wink.

“It wasn’t our first date.” Harvey had pointed out, because it hadn’t been. They had gone out to lunch and dinner a number of times after they had started dating, but Mike had just grinned at him without giving a proper reply.

“Goodnight, Harvey.” He had said before leaning in and kissing Harvey softly on the lips. When he pulled away, Harvey was smiling happily.

“Night, Mike.”

As Harvey slopped down on his couch and checked his e-mails, he started to regret not saying anything else to Mike when he had dropped him off. He knew Mike pretty well, and he figured that right now, the kid was either restlessly pacing around his apartment and worrying that he might have over-shared with Harvey and that it would be awkward in case they broke up, or he was getting ready for bed while grinning like an idiot because their date had been so successful.

Harvey sighed as he read an e-mail for Jessica, reminding him that he needed to finish the reviews by Monday. He had worked on them all day before his date with Mike, and he was only two-thirds through. Harvey let out a breath and stretched out his legs, he was too tired to start working on them now, but he replied anyway and reassured Jessica that he would be done in time for the deadline.

He wanted to text or call Mike before going to bed, but he had no idea what to say. Harvey was too tired, and thought that maybe it wasn’t a good idea to call Mike in case he was already asleep.

He got his phone and let out a sigh before getting phone from where it was laying on the table.

_Had a great time tonight, Mike. I’ll call you tomorrow.  
Love you._

It wasn’t exactly a love letter, but he hoped it was enough to reassure Mike in case he was driving himself crazy. Harvey had a comforting feeling that he wasn’t though, he was really starting to believe that their relationship was going to work, and he had the feeling that Mike thought so to.

When Mike didn’t reply, Harvey figured he was already asleep and that his suspicion had been right. Harvey smiled to himself before making his way to the bedroom.

The next day, Harvey wanted to throw his phone across the room as soon as the alarm went off. Harvey had his morning-routine, he would get dresses and grab a banana and a bottle of water before heading out for a run or to the gym. Then he would continue his day with whatever it was he had planned.

Today though, he just wanted to stay in bed.

He groaned and reached out to turn off the alarm, cursing out loud when he was able to knock the phone off the nightstand. Great, it was going to be one of those days.

Harvey felt slightly better after his run and a shower, and decided to just get some granola before sitting his ass down and finishing those damn reviews. It was boring enough writing those things, but looking over other people’s reviews? That was just… Hell.

He smiled as he came across the other partner’s reviews of Mike Ross. Most of them were short, but very positive. He was praised for his preciseness, the detail he put into his work and his focus. There was a couple of partners saying he had an attitude, but Harvey felt more proud than annoyed by that. He recognized the partner’s name, and knew that if they had asked Mike for help, it meant that Mike had to put up with some incredibly boring work. No wonder he might have seemed uninterested or giving off an attitude.

Harvey’s own review of Mike had been quite praising, and he had written it before they had started dating. Of course, he was never going to tell Mike what he had written. The kid's ego was already starting to challenge Harvey's.

It wasn’t until he came across Louis’ review of Mike that something interesting caught his eye. It was pretty clear that it had been written after he had found out about Mike's secret, but before they were friends again. If it had just been harsh, Harvey would let it go, but it was more than that. Louis had plain out lied about Mike's abilities, and Harvey could tell that it was just written out of spite. He had to take that up with the man before sending the papers to Jessica.

He groaned out loud, that was the last thing he had wanted to do. When dialing Louis’ number, he quickly realized that he had promised to call Mike as well, and the kid still hadn’t texted him back.

One thing at a time.

“Harvey.” Louis’ voice said on the other end of the line. “Let me guess, you want me to take over the associate’s reviews? I’m still working on the-“

“I don’t want you to take over shit, Louis.” Harvey cut him off. “Do you even remember what you wrote about Mike?”

It didn’t take long before he heard Louis breath out a ‘shit.’

“Yeah, shit.” Harvey responded “I know you were pissed at him, but this is seriously harsh, did you think about how this could affect him?”

Of course he had.

“I’ll send in another review.” Louis said, and he actually sounded apologetic. “I’ll write one right away, okay?”

Harvey was too tired to argue with Louis, and he knew that it was important to Mike that he and Louis were finally friends again, so he decided to let it go for now. The last thing he wanted was to stir things up again.

“Yeah, just get it done, Louis.” Harvey said “I’ll go over the rest of the reviews in the meantime, send it to me by the end of the day.”

“Sure, yeah.” Louis said “I’m sorry, okay.”

“Okay.” Harvey said before hanging up, to be honest, he was still pissed at him, but there was nothing to do about that now. If this had happened before Mike and Louis became friends again, Harvey probably would have gone to Louis house and punched him across his stupid face. 

Harvey took a deep breath. He was tired and there was no use in thinking about it. Harvey then dialed Mike’s number, trying to calm down as he waited for the man to pick up the phone.

“Hey.” Mike said, and Harvey hadn’t even known he had been worried until he actually heard Mike’s voice and relief washed over him. “Sorry, I was already asleep when you texted me last night.”

“Yeah, I figured as much.” Harvey replied as he opened found the reviews for the next associate on his list.

“I had a great time too.” Mike said, and Harvey’s lips twitched up in a smile.

“Good.” Harvey replied “What are you doing?”

Mike sighed “I am prepping for my meeting tomorrow, you?”

“The pro-bono case?” Harvey asked, and was actually irritated at himself that he couldn’t even remember the name of Mike’s client, even though he was sure he had mentioned it. “I’m finishing going over these damn reviews.”

“Yeah.” Mike replied “I still don’t understand how Jessica thought that was a good job for you.”

Harvey couldn’t agree more. “She was probably trying to teach me a lesson, as always.”

“Probably.” Mike answered, and Harvey could almost hear him smile through the phone. “So…”

“So?” Harvey asked.

“Have you gone through my reviews yet?” He asked, and Harvey smiled to himself before checking off the associate on his list. Decent reviews, short and with little details, but nothing concerning.

“I have.” Harvey answered, but didn’t say anything else.

“And?”

“And?”

“Harvey!” Mike said, and Harvey chuckled at Mike’s impatience.

“I can’t tell you.” Harvey answered “We don’t go through them with the associates unless something concerning comes up.”

“Did something concerning come up?”

Yes, but it wasn’t your fault.

Harvey wasn’t really sure if he should say anything or not. On one side, Louis was already working on fixing it and it wouldn’t cause any consequences for Mike. Besides, even if Louis’ first review had gone through to Jessica and she found it concerning, Mike was supposed to called into a meeting with Jessica, Louis and Harvey to discuss it. Just because Mike was Harvey’s boyfriend, didn’t give him the right to tell him these kinds of things. On the other side, Harvey had promised Mike that he would tell him this shit, and that they would be honest, even if he was trying to be protect him.

“I can’t tell you that.” Harvey ended up answering, because honestly, it was the truth and he knew that Mike would respect that, even if he was curious.

“That sounds bad.”

“Relax, Mike.” Harvey said, and he tried his best to sound confident and reassuring.

“I am relaxed.” Mike answered, and Harvey just shook his head in disbelief, but at least he didn’t sound panicked.

“I promise you that everything is okay.” Harvey replied, because at least he could do that.

“Okay.” Mike said “Have you looked at Katrina’s yet?”

“Mike!” Harvey answered, as he didn’t know if he should get mad or laugh, because sometimes Mike was relentless.

He went through the reviews in alphabetical orders, so of course he had already looked at Katrina Bennet’s reviews, but he wasn’t going to say anything about hers either. They were mediocre, but that was probably because most of the partners never had a chance to work with her. That had probably been Harvey’s fault at first, and now she was glued to Louis’s side so. Harvey knew that she was damn good at her job, so that wasn’t in danger any time soon, no matter what the reviews said.

“Sorry.” Mike said, and Harvey couldn’t help but snicker. 

“Yeah, I bet.” Harvey answered, “Listen, I gotta get through this, but I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” Mike said. “I have a breakfast meeting with Mariah, so I’ll be in a little later.”

Mariah, right. Mariah Colson. A custody case. Harvey remembered it now.

“Sure, just stop by my office when you get in, okay?” Harvey asked as he dragged a hand over his face.

“Have you heard anything from Singer, yet?” Mike asked, and to be honest, Harvey had barely thought about since Friday. His mind had been focused on Mike and the reviews.

“No.” Harvey answered “Figured Scottie already had her claws in him.”

“First of all, you sound like a very sore and bitter loser.” Mike said, and Harvey was about to protest, but Mike cut him off. “Second of all, you are _Harvey Specter,_ are you seriously going to just give up?”

“Of course not.” Harvey said “I’m just running out of ideas.”

“Just find some common ground to stand on.” Mike said “He already knows what a great lawyer you are.”

It was like a light-bulb appeared over Harvey’s head. “You are a genius, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.” Mike replied, and Harvey could already picture his cocky grin.

Monday morning came and went as any other day. Louis had sent over a new review for Mike, and Harvey was pleasantly surprised. It was typical Louis, nothing over the top, but it was fair and honest and portrayed Mike very accurately. Harvey had given him a nod when he came into the office that morning, letting Louis know that they were cool. Donna had greeted him and told him that Jason Singer had called, and that he had sounded very pleased and she had taken the liberty of scheduling a meeting for them after lunch. Harvey had e-mailed the reviews and his comments to Jessica, and he even had Donna print out a copy and had it delivered to Jessica’s office an hour before his deadline.

The morning seemed to be going great.

Then Mike showed up, looking as confident and ever and Harvey knew that his meeting had gone well too.

“I’ve got this in the bag.” Mike said the moment he entered Harvey’s office, and Harvey smirked at him. “No way this is going to court.”

“You love going to court.” Harvey answered.

Mike cocked his head to the side. “Well, yeah.” He said “Because it’s more fun to kick ass in person.”

Harvey couldn’t help but grin at him.

“Still, when you have the number one settler in Manhattan as your teacher…” Mike said as he gestured to Harvey.

“Good.” Harvey said “Jessica prefers settling.”

“I know.” Mike said before sitting down across from Harvey and letting out a breath of relief. “So, Jason Singer?”

“I have a plan.” Harvey said, even though he wasn’t sure that he could even call it a plan. “I got this in the bag.” He said, trying to sound like Mike.

Mike chuckled, and just as he was about to say something, Donna entered the office.

“Jessica wants to see you.” She said, and Harvey gave her a nod and got up from his chair. “No, both of you.”

Mike furrowed his eyebrows and Harvey looked down at him in confusion as well. Since they weren’t officially working on the same case at the moment, this meant that Jessica probably want to see them about their relationship.

Harvey sighed, but gestured for Mike to lead the way. Mike looked like a kid being sent to the principal’s office, and Harvey couldn’t help but be slightly amused by that.

“Jessica’s office is this way.” Harvey said, when he noticed that Mike was heading for the wrong direction.

“I know, I just need to go and throw up first.” Mike said and Harvey just shook his head before glaring at Mike. Secretly, he found it funny, but he didn’t want Mike to know that.

“Come on.” He said, and all but dragged Mike with him towards Jessica’s office.

Jessica didn’t exactly look happy when they entered the office, and even though Mike had come a long way in standing up to Jessica and speaking his mind, he still looked slightly terrified whenever he had to face a situation with her that he hadn’t been in before. Harvey couldn’t exactly blame her, that woman could be very scary.

“What’s going on, Jessica?” Harvey asked, after closing the door.

“Great job on the reviews, Harvey.” Jessica said with a smirk. “Maybe I should give you the main responsibility for them.”

“I’m guessing you didn’t ask me here just to torture me with suggestions like that.” Harvey said before he smirked back at her.

“You already know why you’re here, Harvey.” She said before sitting down on the couch. Harvey nodded and sat down opposite of her, while Mike was still standing awkwardly by the door. Jessica nodded towards him, while raising her eyebrows at Harvey.

“Sit down, Mike.” Harvey said, without breaking eye contact with Jessica. She smiled at him, probably still in disbelief that he and Mike was actually serious.

“Right.” Mike said as he nervously walked over the seating area, looking like he had no idea where to sit down. He settled for sitting down on the same couch as Harvey, but as far away from his as possible.

Jessica sighed and Harvey couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I’m assuming the two of you are still serious about this relationship.” Jessica said, and Harvey had to applaud her for her professionalism. Jessica had never been very interested in hearing about Harvey’s relationship, and this relationship in particular put her as a boss in a peculiar situation.

Harvey nodded, while Mike just sat there.

“Mike, for god’s sake.” Harvey said as he turned his head to look at his boyfriend. “I have a meeting to prep for.”

“Right, sorry.” Mike answered “Yes- serious, yeah.”

“Impressing vocabulary, Mr. Ross.” Jessica said, and of course, Harvey knew her well enough to know that she was teasing. The two of them always did this, bicker back and forth, but Mike probably felt very out of place. Harvey didn’t really know why, because Mike had seriously grown as a person these last couple of years since that time when he was scared shitless whenever he had to ride the same elevator as Jessica. Harvey figured that this was more personal than anything he had to deal with in the past. Whenever Jessica was involved, it was usually because of Mike’s secret or something else work-related. Now, it was because of their relationship, and it was much more complicated than the situation Mike and Rachel had been in.

“Hey, that’s my boyfriend you’re talking to.” Harvey said back, the smirk still on his face, and Jessica raised her eyebrows at him.

“I hate you.” Mike said, and Harvey just chuckled.

“Okay, seriously.” Harvey said as he sat up straight. “How do you want to handle this?”

Jessica on the other hand, leaned further back into the couch and crossed her legs before looking from Harvey to Mike. “The most pressing issue here is that you are Harvey’s associate and we have to think about sexual harassment and favoritism.”

“I was his favorite long before we started dating.” Mike said, and Harvey couldn’t exactly disagree. He still barely knew the name of any other associate at the firm.

“Great.” Jessica said on another sigh, clearly, she just wanted to get this over with. “I took the liberty of talking to Human Resources.”

Harvey and Mike both groaned, because they knew that HR meant paperwork.

“They suggested writing a-“

“Don’t say it-“

“Love contract.”

Both of them groaned again. Harvey hated the concept of love contracts. Sure, the contract would establish workplace guidelines for them, and it would be official that their relationship was by mutual consent. Still, Harvey was a lawyer and he knew that even though it seemed like a perfect solution in theory, it wasn’t always that easy in practice.

“Really, Jessica?” Harvey asked “You honestly think that’s the best solution?”

“No, which is why I argued the loopholes of such a contract with them.”

“I don’t really see how any of this is necessary.” Mike said. “I would never sue if Harvey and I were to break up.”

“It’s just precaution.” Jessica said, and even though Harvey agreed with Mike, he decided to stick with Jessica on this one. Harvey knew that Mike would never claim sexual harassment, but he also knew that it couldn’t hurt to reassure Jessica. Besides, it wasn't as if Mike was very popular with the other associates, maybe it would be easier if it was proven that their relationship was serious and not just sexual. 

Jessica up from her seat and got two files from her desk and handed one to Harvey and one to Mike. “Love contracts, as well as some additional office relationship paperwork.”

“What additional paperwork?” Mike asked as he opened the file and read through it in what seemed like the blink of an eye.

“It’s to establish your relationship more precisely.” Jessica said “Someone from human resources will take a look at them with you on Thursday, and if you have agreed on everything, we can get them filed by Friday.”

Harvey absolutely hated paperwork, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that this could potentially lead to some arguments or disagreements between him and Mike. He just hoped that they were on the same page about the whole thing.

“That’s it?” Harvey asked.

“Not quite.” Jessica said, as Harvey noticed her nodding towards someone. He turned around to see Louis and Katrina entering the office, and he furrowed his eyebrows at Mike. Mike just shrugged, as he looked just as confused as Harvey.

“I’m sorry, I thought you wanted us to be here at ten.” Louis said as he looked down at his watch.

“You are right on time.” Jessica said, and it was pretty obvious that she was the only one who knew what was going on. “I have a suggestion.”

Everyone knew that a suggestion from Jessica wasn’t really just a suggestion, it was more like an order.

“You are switching associates for the next week.” Jessica said “Or however long it takes to wrap up your new cases.”

“What?” Was the general word that was thrown around in the room.

“We are in a tough spot at the moment, and until everything has been cleared up, I feel this is the best solution.”

Katrina was the first one to speak up. “What tough spot?” she asked “What’s going on?”

“It’s because Harvey and wonder-boy is dating, isn’t it?” Louis asked, and Harvey sighed heavily, as did Jessica.

Katrina’s mouth just fell open in surprise as she stared at Mike, who just shrugged at her.

“Yes, Louis.” Jessica said “And I would appreciate you keeping this to yourselves until they have finished all the paperwork.”

“I don’t really see the point of this.” Harvey said.

“I don’t really see the big deal.” Mike said, and Harvey all but whipped his head around to glare at him. What the hell? Harvey really didn’t want to be stuck with Katrina for the next week, possibly longer.

“Exactly.” Jessica said “Mike is working on the pro-bono case and he’ll still have time to assist Louis if he finds it necessary – Harvey, you aren’t even working on anything right now.”

“I am trying to land a very important client, and Katrina hasn’t read up on anything.” Harvey said.

“I can assure you, I am more than capable of reading up on Mike’s notes as well as yours.” Katrina said, and Harvey had to give it to her, the woman had balls. Then again, that had never been the issue. Harvey just didn’t trust her.

“How does this even change anything?” Harvey asked “I am still Mike’s boss, even if he doesn’t work directly under me.”

“This is happening, Harvey.” Jessica said “Suck it up.” 

Harvey just looked at Jessica for a moment. That was all it took for him to realize that it was more behind this than just separating him and Mike for the time-being. Fine, he would play along for now.

“Great.” Harvey said before turning to Katrina “I have a meeting at two, I am sure that will give you enough time to read up on the potential client.”

“More than enough, sir.” Katrina answered, just as strictly.

Louis and Mike on the other hand, didn’t’ seem to mind working together at all. Harvey wanted to kick both of their asses.

“Great, seems like this is going to work out just fine.” Jessica said, her voice strict and demanding. “You may go back to work now.”

Everyone was on their way out, when Jessica spoke again. “Harvey, stay for a bit.”

Harvey refused to groan, even though he really wanted to.

“I’ll give you my notes, Katrina.” Mike said “And I’ll get Donna to give you access to Harvey’s files.”

Harvey didn’t even want to look at him. That traitor. When Mike looked at him with those blue eyes of him and tried his best to smile at Harvey though, Harvey couldn’t help but give him the ‘okay’ nod before his boyfriend walked away with Katrina and Louis.

“Harvey.” Jessica said.

“I’m guessing this isn’t just about me and Mike?” Harvey asked as he turned around to face Jessica.

“No, it’s not.” Jessica said “Your relationship just opened up a possibility.”

“For what, exactly?” Harvey asked.

“You might not be able to see it, but things are still very tense between Mike and Louis.” Jessica said, and Harvey furrowed his brows at her.

“They seem fine to me.”

“Yes, but when it comes to other people’s emotions, you have the insight of a toad.” Jessica continued. “You know Louis, and you know Mike, do you really think they still don’t have unresolved issues about this whole thing? They barely spoke in months, and you think that one talk between them is going to fix that?”

Harvey sighed as he realized that she was probably right, he had read the first review that Louis had written Mike. It hadn’t just been mean, it had been unprofessional, which just wasn’t Louis’ style. There had been a lot of resentment there, and most likely, there were still unresolved feelings around everything that happened. Louis was managing partner now, and Mike was the best associate at the firm. There had been enough drama lately, and even though Jessica usually didn't bother with things that didn't directly affect the firm, Harvey could understand why she wanted this fixed. 

“But why did you have to stick Bennett on me?” Harvey asked “I could have gone without an associate for a while.”

“Because I’ve gone over the reviews on her.” She said “She has barely done any work for any of the partners, and we both know that that’s on the two of us- so, you are going to fix that.”

“It will be good for her to work under someone else for a change.” Harvey would have to agree. “I won’t go easy on her though.”

“Would I ever ask you to?” Jessica asked.

Harvey smiled at her as he looked down at the paperwork in his hand. This was going to be one hell of a week. 


	37. Chapter 37

«Well, if it isn’t the traitor?» Was the first words that escaped Harvey’s lips the second Mike walked into his office.

Mike sighed, but honestly, he wasn’t surprised by Harvey’s hostility. “Traitor, really?” he asked as he made his way over to Harvey’s desk.

“Yes, really.” Harvey said, even though he sounded more bored than mad. Mike couldn’t blame him. Mike actually liked Katrina, even though she had been a pain in the beginning, but he could imagine that she and Harvey would not get along.

“Well, this traitor is curious how your meeting went today.” Mike said with a grin “Because a little birdy told me that you just landed a very important client.”

Harvey couldn’t help but grin, and that made Mike incredibly happy. “That little birdy might have been right.”

“I’m proud of you, Harvey.” Mike said as he put his hands in his pockets.

“It was actually your idea that helped me land him.” Harvey said, and Mike furrowed his brows at him, as he couldn’t even remember what idea Harvey was talking about.

“What idea?” he asked.

“You told me to find some common ground to stand on.” Harvey answered “And since that personal shit isn’t my strong suit, I thought ‘what would Mike Ross do’?”

Mike’s grin almost hurt his cheekbones. “Really?” He asked, because he never thought he’d hear that from Harvey Specter.

“Yes, really.” Harvey said, and apparently, the fact that he was able to land Jason Singer had put him in a good mood, despite the Katrina thing, since he was able to praise Mike like that. Because the fact that Harvey was able to admit that he thought of Mike in a moment of need when he had run out of ideas himself, was quite the compliment.

“Have you looked at these?” Mike asked as he gestured for the file laying on Harvey’s desk, by the look of it, it didn’t seem like he had even glanced at it yet.

“Haven’t had the chance.” Harvey answered before closing his computer. “But I’m done for the day, if you want to check them out.”

“It’s like a quiz.” Mike said as he felt himself swaying a little bit. It was getting late and his day had been exhausting. Of course it wasn’t anything Mike couldn’t handle, but juggling between the pro-bono case and everything Louis had asked him to do, hadn’t exactly been easy.

“You look tired.” Harvey remarked, and Mike cocked his head to the side, he couldn’t exactly object. “Don’t overwork yourself again.”

“Don’t worry.” Mike answered, there was no way he was embarrassing himself like that again. “And I think you should fill out the forms yourself.”

Harvey raised his eyebrows at him, and Mike had to repress a smirk. He had looked over the forms, and was all but ready to fill them out, but he was very curious to find out what Harvey would reply to the questions without Mike hovering over him.

“You’re testing me.” Harvey said, seeing right through Mike’s façade.

“No, I would never do that.” Mike said, and this time he wasn’t able to hold back his devious smile.

“Fine.” Harvey said, “Just know that there’s an equal chance of you looking like a dick, and me looking like the charming all-in boyfriend.”

Harvey was fishing, and Mike knew it and he actually found it kind of endearing. Sure, this might lead to a potential argument since Harvey was emotionally crippled, and Mike was pretty much scarred for life as far as relationships go. Mike was going to be honest when filling out the forms though, and he hoped that Harvey would be to. If both of them admitted that they were serious and to what extent, then this could actually turn out to be a good thing.

“Just be honest, okay?” Mike asked, and Harvey smiled at him. Mike then looked down at his feet, wanting to ask Harvey something, but not sure if he should.

“What is it?” Harvey asked, of course he could sense that something was going on.

“Speaking of honesty.” Mike said “Have you talked to Scottie after you landed Jason as a client?”

He tried not to sound nervous or overly curious, but he was probably failing. Harvey didn’t seem to mind though, he didn’t seem upset about Mike asking, or say anything about Mike questioning their relationship. Instead, he just shook his head “No.”

Mike wanted to ask why, but he didn’t have to, because Harvey could probably read it all over his face. “Donna suggested I’d call and meet her.” He said “To get some closure or whatever, having a chance to part as friends, giving her a possibility to start over with someone new without any permanent scars… Something like that.”

Mike wanted to question Donna’s loyalties, but he already knew that her number one priority was Harvey. Scottie and Harvey had been friends once… Well, something like that. They’d been close, and Harvey had probably really hurt her feelings. Mike didn’t even want to imagine what getting your heart broken by Harvey Specter felt like, how miserable he would have felt if he had continued loving Harvey and Harvey had never been able to love him back. Scottie was a good person and she deserved to be happy, so maybe Donna had a point.

“Of course, Donna told me I should talk to you before doing anything.” Harvey said, offering Mike a smile.

“The fact that you need to be constantly reminded about talking to me about these things is probably not a good thing.” Mike teased.

“I am still learning.” Harvey answered, as he leaned back in his chair. He was waiting for Mike to say something, to give some input, but Mike wasn’t sure if he wanted to give it.

“I think Donna’s right.” Mike said then, and as soon as he said it aloud, he actually believed it. “Louis and I are still on for tennis on Wednesday, how about you try to meet her for lunch or something?” he probably sounded insecure, suggesting that Harvey would meet her in the middle of the day instead of the evening. Honestly, Mike wasn’t half as smooth as he pretended to be.

“Sounds like a plan.” Harvey said “That is, if I can get her to talk to me.”

“At least you should try.” Mike said before letting out a breath. “Anything you need? I’m heading home.”

“I need you to clear your weekend.” Harvey said with a smirk, and Mike raised his eyebrows at him.

“Why?” He asked.

“I am taking you out on a date.” Harvey answered.

“What kind of date?” Mike asked, and he could see how much Harvey was enjoying his curiosity.

“It’s a surprise.”

Mike tried to read Harvey, but it seemed impossible at the moment. “I hate surprises.” All Harvey did was chuckle, and Mike cocked his head to the side and looked suspiciously at him. “My whole weekend?”

“Your whole weekend.” Harvey answered, and even though Mike really didn’t like surprises, the thought of Harvey planning an entire weekend just for the two of them, made him smile. It wasn’t like they hadn’t spent a weekend together before, but it had never actually been planned.

Mike’s grin grew wider when Harvey winked at him. “Can’t wait.” He said.

Mike could still remember a time when working for Louis would seem worse than getting a colostomy, when his name would make him cringe and his skin crawl. It seemed like a lifetime ago when Mike had been a first-year associate who had been tricked into getting high and almost getting fired because of it. That was before Mike had learned to own up to his own mistakes, before he realized how much alike he and Louis actually was.

Now, it really wasn’t that bad. He hassled him more than Harvey did, which was really saying something, but at least they worked well together as a team. Mike could tell something was wrong though, Louis turned him down for lunch on Tuesday, saying he had too much work to do and when they went out for tennis on Wednesday, he seemed like he wanted to kill Mike with his racket. Still, Louis didn’t say anything in particular, and smiled when Mike did something right and nagged at him when he didn’t work fast enough. Things seemed fairly normal, but Mike knew that Louis was hiding something.

They were in the elevator on their way back to the office after their game of tennis, when Mike just couldn’t take it anymore. “Hey, what’s going on with you, man?” He asked.

“What?” Louis asked.

“You’re acting really weird.” Mike said, as he tried to tell Louis what was going on, but he couldn’t really find any words to describe the tension between them, because Louis was acting normal, it was just a feeling Mike got. “Listen, if you are still upset with me, I would rather we could just talk about it.”

“I’m not upset with you, Mike.” Louis said, and Mike could hear the lie so clearly that he might as well have told Mike that he didn’t like cats.

“Louis.” Mike said, just as the elevator doors opened. Louis started walking towards his office, but Mike didn’t want this to go on, so he grabbed his arm to make him stop. “Hey.”

“Mike.”

“I am sorry for lying to you.” Mike said “I can say that over and over again, but I don’t know what else to do.”

“We can never be friends the way we were before.” Louis said, and that kind of broke Mike’s heart in a way, because in a weird way, he really valued his friendship with Louis. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends.” He continued, which made Mike feel a little better. He just looked at him for a moment, as if he was trying to read something on Mike’s face, but Mike had no idea what that might be. “Harvey didn’t tell you about the review, did he?”

Mike felt a lump in his throat. “What review?”

Louis sighed and looked around to see if anyone was listening, but no one seemed to give a shit as everyone was busy working. “I wrote your review before we were friends again and it was really shitty.”

“Oh.” Was everything Mike was able to say, but the more he thought about it, the more it upset him. Louis was kind of an asshole when he was hurt, but he knew that Mike was good at his job, which meant that he must have been _really_ mad at him if he was going to lie about his performance just to get back at him. Mike swallowed. “I get it.”

“I just…” Louis said, before taking a breath as well. “A lot has happened between us and yes, things are tense.”

Mike nodded. “One step at a time.” He said.

Mike felt like that was the best they could do at moment, even though it kind of sucked that he and Louis still wasn’t on the best of terms. It had probably been naïve of Mike to think that a heart-to-heart was all it took them to be friends again.

At least it was a start, and at least they were able to work together and actually have pleasant conversations.

By Thursday morning, Mike had handed in the stupid forms to HR and he had been able to close the pro-bono case and could focus his full attention on Louis’ financial scheme case, and they had been able to properly talk about everything that had went down when Mike had landed himself in the hospital. It had been such a relief, to finally talk about that properly. Louis didn’t buy it that Harvey and him hadn’t been dating at the time, and Mike couldn’t blame him as he remembered Harvey’s reaction.

He smiled at Harvey when he saw him waiting for him outside of the conference room before their meeting with Human Resources.

“Hello.” Mike said “Is he already in there?”

“She.” Harvey corrected him. “Yeah.”

“Hm.” Was all Mike said as he made himself past Harvey and into the conference room. 

“Oh, hi.” The woman said as she stood up and greeted both of them before gesturing for them to sit down opposite of her.

Mike couldn’t help but offer Harvey another smile, because the whole situation just seemed so unreal. He was in a meeting with human resources, because he was in a sexual relationship with Harvey Specter. He wanted to shake his head in disbelief.

“I’m Sarah.” She said “As you know, you handed in your office relationship forms yesterday and I reviewed them this morning, and I just wanted to go over them with the two of you to make sure we’re all on the same page.”

“I’m looking forward to seeing that as well.” Mike said as he looked over at Harvey, who just winked at him.

“Well, your answers did differ on some of the questions.” Sarah said, and Mike was already very curious. “But it does seem like you are both confident in this relationship progressing.”

“I’m sorry.” Mike said “Where did our answers differ?” he asked, because he remembered each and every one of those questions and he really thought that Harvey would answer the same as he had.

Sarah flicked through her papers for a moment before finding what she was looking for. “Question six, would you ever consider co-habitation.” She said “Harvey answered yes, and Mike maybe.”

Oh, shit. Mike had been the one to fuck up, wasn’t he?

“Really?” Harvey asked, and luckily, for Mike, he sounded more amused than angry. “Because we’ve already lived together.”

“Really?” Sarah asked, looking slightly confused.

“It was before we were together.” Mike said at once. “And the question was about a long-term basis, right?”

“Right.” Sarah answered.

“I knew that.” Harvey said, “It also asked if you would ever _consider_ it, and yes, I would.”

“Well, yeah.” Mike said as he tried to row himself in as best he could. “I would consider it too, you know.”

“You would?” Sarah asked, raising an eyebrow and reviewing the paper again. 

“Yeah.” Mike said and then he shrugged “It’s just that Harvey loves his apartment and I’ve just moved and I wouldn’t want to move again anytime soon and I know Harvey wouldn’t either-“

“You are overthinking the questions, Mr. Ross.” Sarah answered, “They are just to pin-point how serious the relationship is, you aren’t required to actually do anything.”

“Yeah, he does that.” Harvey said as he looked over at Mike with a smirk on his face. “Overthink things.”

Mike wanted to glare at him, but instead he just slumped his shoulders before turning back to Sarah. “Can I change my answer?”

She smiled at him. “It’s fine, really.” She said “It would be worse if you were on opposite sides of the scale.”

“Were we on opposite scales… Anywhere?” Mike asked, and was very relieved when she shook her head.

“Yeah!” Mike exclaimed as he turned to Harvey, asking for a high-five, but the other man just looked at him as if he was a child. “Right.” Mike said on a cough as put down his hand and straightened his tie.

“Is there anything in addition to these that you would like to discuss and put down on paper as an addition to the love contract?” She asked.

Both of them shook their heads, eager to get the thing over with so they could continue on with their work. Still, Mike couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe he and Harvey hadn’t been on the same page or if he really had overthought everything while answering the simple questions.

Sarah thanked both of them and packed everything, Harvey was about to do the same thing when Mike grabbed the sleeve of his jacket, keeping him from getting up.

“So.” Mike said and Harvey just looked at him. “What did you answer for the marriage question?”

“What marriage question?”

“Question fourteen; have you ever considered taking the necessary steps to make the relationship official and permanent?” Mike asked, sometimes that memory of his was more handy than people would think.

“That doesn’t necessarily mean marriage.” Harvey said before turning his head away from Mike. “Right, Sarah?”

Sarah smiled at the two of them, and Mike wondered if she ever got cramps in her cheeks from smiling so sweetly all the time. “No, not necessarily, but it’s how most people interpret it.”

“Hmm.” Harvey said before turning back to Mike. Harvey was grinning, and Mike was glaring. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Why won’t you tell me?” Mike asked, almost offended by Harvey’s response.

“Hey.” Harvey said “You were the one who wouldn’t look at the questions together, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”

Mike just sat there, looking like a gaping fish as Harvey smirked at him before walking away.

%MCEPASTEBIN%


	38. Chapter 38

«Where are we going?» Mike asked, and Harvey just shook his head in disbelief by Mike’s behavior.

“You are like a child, I swear.” Harvey answered, as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “Why can’t you just relax and enjoy the ride?”

Mike chuckled and Harvey couldn’t help but turn his head and face him, and roll his eyes when Mike winked at him. “Child.” He repeated.

They had been driving for almost three hours, so Harvey couldn’t blame Mike for growing impatient though. In truth, he did find Mike's constant nagging a little endearing from time to time, but there was no way he was admitting that.

“You are just grumpy after working with Katrina for a week.” Mike replied as he leaned further back in his seat, and Harvey almost wanted to tell him to straighten up. Maybe he was getting a little tired of the long ride as well? He had gotten way too used to being driven around, apparently. 

“Can you blame me?”

“She’s good at her job, you have to give her that.” Mike said, but Harvey didn’t want to give her that. Instead he sighed and gritted his teeth in annoyance.

“She has gotten so used to working for Louis.” Harvey said “She has no idea what I want or when I want it-“

“Harvey.” Mike interrupted him. “They can’t all be me.”

Harvey rolled his eyes at him. “Are you and Louis close to settling yet?”

Mike shrugged “Getting there.” He said “It’s a tough one.”

Harvey groaned. “Well, hurry the hell up.” He said “If Singer starts expanding the company before you’ve settled, I am stuck with Katrina for _weeks.”_

“Maybe it’ll be good for you.” Mike teased, but Harvey knew that Mike would rather work with him as well. “I wouldn’t mind working with Louis for a little bit longer, I am still trying to win him over.”

“Don’t ever say something like that in front of me again.” Harvey said. It was bad enough that Mike wanted to work with Louis, even though Harvey understood why, but hear him say something like ‘winning him over’, no, that was too much.

Mike snickered. “You know what I mean.”

“Hm.” Harvey answered “How is that going, anyway?”

“Slowly, that’s a tough one too.” Mike replied on a sigh. “I should be happy he’s trying.”

The words almost stung, even though Harvey didn’t really understood why. “You want me to talk to him?”

“No.” Mike said at once. “Don’t worry about it, I just need to find something to… Bond over again, or whatever.”

“Mudding and cats didn’t work, huh?” Harvey asked, and he knew that he should show more compassion, but he couldn’t help but grin as Mike glared at him.

It was quiet for a while before Mike talked again.

“I’m sorry Scottie wouldn’t see you.” He said, and Harvey tensed immediately. He had actually tried reaching out to her, but Scottie had felt that there wasn’t anything else that needed to be said and suggested they’d only meet for professional reasons in the future. Harvey couldn’t really blame her, but it did suck to know that she probably wouldn’t be in his life anymore.

“It’s okay, Mike.” He said, even though he knew that Mike could see right through him. Mike only nodded before reaching out and putting his hand on top of Harvey’s for a moment, before pulling back when Harvey’s grip on the steering wheel loosened.

It was quiet for what felt like an eternity, and Harvey wasn’t sure if he was enjoying it or not.

“ _Please_ tell me we’re not going camping.” Mike pleaded, “I mean, you said to bring casual clothes, but it’s _so_ cold.”

Harvey shook his head with a smile before reaching out and squeezing Mike’s knee. “We are not going camping.” He said. He hadn’t been camping in years, and to be honest, it wasn’t an experience he missed greatly. Besides, as Mike had so gracefully put it, it was _so cold_.

“Thank god.” Mike said as he rested he seemed to relax a bit and turned his head back towards Harvey. “I do not want my first experience to be filled with unsuccessful tent-sex and frostbite.”

“Wait, you’ve never been camping?” Harvey asked, keeping his eyes on the road. He could have sworn Mike had mentioned something about camping once. “And who’s to say it would have been unsuccessful, are you doubting my abilities?”

“Well, Trevor and I went camping in our yard once.” Mike answered, without commenting on the second question. “My dad did an awful job at setting the tent up and it fell down while we were trying to sleep and we were scared shitless and ran inside.”

Harvey smiled.

“Dad said he could fix it, but mom insisted we’d make a fort in the living-room and sleep there instead.” Mike continued, and Harvey didn’t know why, but he really loved it whenever Mike told stories about his parents. There was a time when Mike just looked so sad whenever they were brought up, but now it put this sweet smile on his lips.

“Let me guess.” Harvey said “Your mom had her way, and you slept inside.”

Mike grinned “Yeah.”

“Moms are like that.” Harvey answered, before he grew painfully quiet.

“When was the last time you talked to your mom?” Mike asked, his voice was quiet and it was clear in his voice that Harvey didn’t have to answer unless he didn’t want to.

“Years ago.” Harvey answered, “Marcus was in the hospital.”

“Okay.” Mike said, and left it at that and Harvey squeezed his knee again as he resisted the urge to bite the inside of his cheek. He knew that Mike would notice it if he tensed, and the last thing he wanted was to wind himself up because of his mother. It was a sore topic, and Harvey didn’t want to say something stupid.

“We are in the middle of nowhere.” Mike pointed out suddenly, and Harvey just smirked at him for a second before refocusing on the road. “Are we lost?”

“We’re not lost.” Harvey answered. “We’re almost there.”

“Where?” Mike asked “Jason Voorhees vacation home?”

“Shut up.” Harvey replied as he pulled off the main road. It was getting dark, but luckily the snow that covered the ground and the trees all around them lightened everything up a bit.

“Is this it?” Mike asked as he leaned forward in his seat and peered out of the window. Harvey’s answer was parking the car and getting out. Mike followed after him as he went to get their bags out of the trunk of the car. “Is this yours?”

Harvey looked up at the cabin in front of him and noticed how different it was from the last time he had been there. The Berkshires rarely changed, but this place seemed different. He usually never went in the winter, since the cabin was by the water and in the winter it was covered by ice and Harvey hated the cold. Besides, there was just too much hassle with getting firewood and getting rid of all the snow that usually barricaded the door or made it impossible to drive all the way to the door.

Harvey had decided to make an exception for Mike though, and had made some calls so that the road would be plowed and the fridge would be re-stocked by the time they got there.

“Not really.” Harvey answered. “My dad used to take me and my brother here.”

“Oh.” Mike said then, as if he thought he had said something wrong. Harvey smiled at him as he gave Mike his bag. “It’s beautiful.”

“Thanks.” Harvey said as he nodded his head towards the door. “Come on, it’s freezing out here.” He said as he walked up the steps to the porch, cursing silently when he almost fell flat on his face. It was a lot more slippery than it looked. He couldn’t help but laugh when Mike had to grab onto his jacket as he almost slipped as well.

“I’ll get some salt or gravel or something.” Harvey said, trying to remember where they usually put the bucket as he got the key out of his pocket.

The first thing Mike did when he came inside was to drop his bag on the floor next to the door, and Harvey could do little but roll his eyes at him. At least he was polite enough to kick his shoes off before going inside.

“Your feet are wet.” Harvey commented as he noticed that Mike left a trail after him as he walked across the floor.

“I am sorry, I didn’t know I would be stomping through the snow just to get inside.” Mike said, but there was no heat behind his words. “I didn’t know where we were going.”

“I told you to wear warm shoes.”

“I don’t have any other shoes to wear in the winter.” Mike quipped back, but he quickly grinned at Harvey. “This place is awesome, how come I didn’t know about this?”

The living room looked the same as it had when Harvey had been five years old, except the couches and chairs around the fireplace had been switched out. When he was younger, Harvey had loved the idea of the open kitchen area, because he could watch his parents cooking whenever he and Marcus were playing inside.

“I don’t come here very often.” Harvey said as he walked over to the fridge to check if there was anything there, and he was very grateful when he noticed it was fully stocked. “Usually in the summer, to get away.”

Mike was staring at the chandelier hanging from the ceiling when Harvey grabbed their two bags to make his way upstairs to the master bedroom. Suddenly Mike turned his head and raised his eyebrows. “How many of your girlfriends have you brought here?”

“You’re the only one.” Harvey teased back, and Mike just scoffed at him before trailing after Harvey. “I was supposed to bring Zoe here, but that didn’t work out.”

Harvey could see that Mike’s brows furrowed from the corner of his eye, but pretended not to notice it. “The jury consultant?” Mike asked “I didn’t know things had been that serious between you two.”

Harvey stopped in his tracks and turned around just to look at Mike for a moment, Mike seemed surprised by the gesture, so he just stood there, much like the time Harvey had gotten all up in his face to check if he was on drugs. “We weren’t.” he answered as he held out Mike’s bag for him to carry himself, before nodding his head towards the end of the hallway. “Come on.”

Harvey couldn’t help but be amused by Mike’s excitement as he kept asking ‘what’s that?’ every time they passed a room or a closed door, as if he was expecting there to be some spectacular Batcave or something. Mike might be a confident and (somewhat) mature adult now, but Harvey was actually glad that he could sometimes still spot that excited kid from Brooklyn that requested fist bumps and high fives whenever he did something right.

“Bedroom.” Harvey said as he entered the room and threw his shit on the bed. The room had been redecorated since he was last there, but that had been a very long time ago.

“Nice!” Mike answered as he also threw his stuff on the bed and started looking around, before exploring the connecting bathroom. “Who did you say own this place again?”

“I didn’t.” Harvey said answered as he laughed when Mike let out a ‘this bathtub is _huge!_ ’ “It’s usually out for rent along with some other cabins in the area, exceptional for fishing and hikes in the summer.”

“I bet.” Mike answered as he exited from the bathroom and walked over to Harvey, wrapping his arms around his body. “Did you go through all this trouble just for me?”

“It was no trouble, really.” Harvey answered “Not a lot of folks come up here in the winter, and I paid extra to have everything in order before we got here.”

“Hmm.” Mike hummed before leaning in closer and giving Harvey an almost painfully slow kiss. “You went to all this trouble just for me.”

Harvey smirked at him before sneaking his own arms around Mike’s body, holding him close as he let his hands rummage under the sweater Mike was wearing. “So what if I did?”

Mike grinned at him before humming again as he leaned in impossibly closer to press a soft kiss to the side of Harvey’s neck. “Well…” Mike whispered as one of his hands slid down Harvey’s backside before grabbing onto Harvey’s ass, making Harvey’s breath hitch. “It’s a good thing we’re in the middle of nowhere, because you can be quite loud.”

“Says you.” Harvey quipped back before grabbing the back of Mike’s neck and kissing him full on the mouth, and he couldn’t help but smile into the kiss when Mike responded instantly. Harvey would never get tired of that feeling he got whenever the two of them were like this, as if they would never get enough of each other. It was possibly naïve to think that, since they were still learning, still exploring each other bodies and what made the other one come apart. Still, Harvey _loved_ the feel of Mike’s body against his own, the way they fit together, how Mike would rather have difficulty breathing than stop kissing Harvey in the heat of the moment.

It was how Mike made Harvey felt wanted, and not just in a sexual sense. Harvey knew he was good looking, hell, he spent a lot of time making sure that he stayed that way and since Harvey didn’t know if there had even been a time where he had ever considered himself undesirable.

With Mike though, it wasn’t just about his body or sex. It was about the little things. Mike wanted Harvey in the morning even before he had the chance to brush his teeth, and he wanted him after he got back from the gym, when he was sweaty and smelled disgusting. Mike wanted him to slouch next to him on the couch while they binged on pizza and watched old movies, and Mike wanted to stay with him and order take-out whenever Harvey had to work late.

Mike wanted him in every way possible, and maybe it was unfair to think that Harvey had never felt that way before, because if he really thought about it, he was sure that many had tried to want Harvey that way, but it had been too hard. Harvey couldn’t blame them, but right there and then, he couldn’t care less, because if any of those relationships had worked out, he wouldn’t have Mike.

He should probably tell Mike all of this.

But Mike was already trying to free Harvey of his clothes, and he was breathing heavily and Harvey was already aroused beyond the point that there was any point in talking.

He would have to tell Mike later.

Harvey and Mike both chuckled as they practically fell onto the bed as they tried to get their pants off. It was good that they could laugh about it, that it wasn’t awkward. When they were in a rush like this, they were never good at being smooth. Harvey didn’t know if it was because it was still so unfamiliar to be with a man, or if it was because Mike was just as weak in the knees as he was. As Mike slid his underwear down over his hips and started trailing kisses from Harvey’s chest and towards his groin, Harvey decided that he didn’t really care what the reason was.

It was still pretty cold in the room, and Harvey felt shivers run down his arms and legs as Mike dragged one sweaty palm across Harvey’s thigh, while the other one went to grasp his length, stroking it to full hardness. Harvey had been right before, he would never get tired of this.

“I don’t suppose you have any lube lying around here?” Mike asked then, a teasing smile on his lips.

Harvey just groaned, because they really should have thought about that a little earlier. “Left-side pocket.” He said as he pointed towards his bag that had fallen onto the floor.

“Hm.” Was Mike’s answer, and Harvey couldn’t help but thrust his hips as Mike’s hand disappeared. While Mike searched for the essentials, Harvey got under the covers as he was already missing Mike’s heat and as far as he knew, neither of them had a cold-kink.

Mike grinned as he climbed back onto the bed and under the covers. Harvey barely let him get settled before he was kissing him, dragging his tongue across Mike’s lips, begging him for entrance. As soon as Mike’s lips parted, Harvey took the chance to flip them over, leaving Mike panting underneath him.

Harvey got Mike’s boxers off him and threw them in the general direction towards the hamper by the bathroom door, before he went back to kissing Mike breathless, their bodies pressed fully against each other.

“Harvey.” Mike moaned, as he rubbed himself against Harvey’s thigh. “Fuck.”

Harvey didn’t respond, but instead he deepened the kiss and reached for the lube that Mike had gotten earlier. “It’s cold.” Harvey warned, even though Mike probably already knew that.

Mike didn’t seem to care one bit though as he nodded desperately before leaning back on his elbows so he could reach up and kiss Harvey again, chasing the other man’s lips with his own. Harvey smiled into the kiss as he brought his slick hand down to Mike’s cock. He was already raging hard, and Harvey knew that neither of them were going to last very long, but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t make it as enjoyable as possible.

“Harvey- come on.” Mike groaned, as he placed wet and desperate kisses from the corner of Harvey’s mouth, down his jawbone and neck, right to that sensitive spot beneath Harvey’s collarbone. “It’s been forever.”

If Harvey hadn’t been so turned on, he might have chuckled at that. “It hasn’t even been a week.” They had both been very busy, and since they had been working different cases for the last week, they hadn’t been able to spend as much time together as they normally did. Still, it had only been five days since Harvey had stayed over at Mike’s place and ‘fucked him brainless’ as Mike had so elegantly put it.

“Doesn’t matter.” Mike said on a whisper, and Harvey met his eyes as Mike leaned back against the pillows. “Feels like forever.”

Harvey couldn’t help but think that the two of them and forever didn’t seem like the worst of plans.

He didn’t tell Mike that either.


	39. Chapter 39

“Well, that was great.” Mike said on a chuckle as he propped himself up on his elbow so he could look at Harvey in the eye. “Reminded me of my teenage years.” He said as if he was an old man reminiscing his younger days. Harvey thought he sounded like a complete dork.

“I’m not sure that’s a compliment.” Harvey replied, he was smirking, but he couldn’t see how being reminded of a teenager in bed could be a good thing. Well, except for the enthusiasm.

“Take it as one anyway.” Mike said as he leaned in and gave Harvey a quick kiss on the lips. “Although now I’m seriously hungry, and it’s cold…”

“Yeah.” Harvey agreed. “I told the guy to turn on the central heating, but we should probably light the fireplace as well.”

“How romantic.” Mike teased before he flopped back onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to get up.”

“You should have thought about that before.” Harvey teased back, before he sat up and threw his legs over the edge of the bed. As he stretched, it felt like he had gone through one hell of a work-out. When he turned around, he noticed Mike was grinning at him. “What?”

“Your neck.” Mike said “It’s bruising.”

Harvey already knew what Mike was talking about and immediately his hand went to the side of his neck, near his collarbone. Mike had given that area a lot of attention earlier, knowing it was one of Harvey's sweet spots. “Who’s fault is that?” Harvey replied as he smiled down at Mike, before going to rummage his bag for some clothes.

“Well, I’d be pissed if it was anybody else’s fault.” Mike pointed out, before he followed Harvey’s example and went to get some clean clothes, preferably something a little warmer than what he had been wearing earlier.

After cleaning up and getting dressed, they headed downstairs and Harvey started cooking while he sent Mike to get a bottle of wine. He gave him specific instructions of course, because Mike might be a lover of both food and wine, but that didn’t mean he had any actual knowledge on the subject.

As they were eating, Harvey couldn’t help but notice how happy Mike looked. He didn’t know if he was relieved about getting out of the office, or if the entire atmosphere was just so relaxing, but he was enjoying seeing Mike with a genuine smile on his lips as he dug into the steak.

“What?” Mike asked, as he noticed that Harvey might have been staring a little bit. “Do I have something on my face?”

“No.” Harvey said “Well, yeah, actually.” He said as he noticed a drop of sauce on the corner of Mike’s lips. He pointed to the spot, and Mike quickly grabbed a napkin to get rid of it. “You just seem a little different.”

Mike raised his eyebrows. “Different how?”

“I don’t know.” Harvey answered “Happier, more relaxed.”

Mike frowned at that, and the gorgeous smile faltered. “Happier?” He asked, as if he had taken of fence to Harvey’s remark.

“Yes.” Harvey repeated. “It’s a good thing, you know.”

“Yeah, well.” Mike said as he looked down at his food for a moment.

“What?” Harvey asked, trying not to sound annoyed by Mike’s reaction, as he could not for the life of him figure out what he could have said wrong.

Mike sighed and looked up at him again, before smiling at Harvey again. “Nothing.” He answered. “I’m just being stupid.”

Harvey shrugged, and Mike threw a piece of potato at him. “Idiot.” Harvey said, but he didn't comment on the food-throwing. Harvey was a lot more relaxed than normally as well, it seemed.

“Don’t I seem happy, you know…” Mike said “Usually?”

Harvey wondered if Mike wanted to know if he seemed happy _with him_.

“Yeah, you do.” Harvey answered, trying to thread carefully. “Which is why I said happ _ier.”_

Another smile made it’s way to Mike’s face, and Harvey was glad to see that it seemed genuine.

“You’re probably right.” Mike said “It’s just nice getting away from everything.”

Harvey hummed in agreement, before wiping his mouth with his napkin before taking his own plate as well as Mike’s to the kitchen. Harvey turned on the radio and they listened to some music while Harvey did the dishes and Mike dried them off. It was nice and relaxing.

“Also…” Mika said as he finished drying off the last plate. Apparently the conversation they had earlier wasn't quite over yet. “A weekend getaway?”

“Yeah?” Harvey asked, leaning against the counter and trying to get a read on Mike. Sometimes, Mike could be very _cute._

“I mean, that’s pretty serious.”

Harvey’s lips twitched into a small smile. “Well, I thought we were pretty serious.”

Harvey was way too amused by how Mike fumbled with his words, and Mike seemed to be growing annoyed at him. Harvey had been right though. They referred to each other as ‘boyfriends’ and they were exclusive. Harvey wasn’t sure if they ever had been _just_ dating.

“Why do you always find my despair so amusing?” Mike asked, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Harvey.

“Despair, really?” Harvey asked, and he tried not to laugh.

“Yes.” Mike said as he leaned in closer and kissed the side of Mike’s neck. Apparently, he wasn’t _that_ mad. “Thanks for planning all this.”

“I thought you could use a break.” Harvey said, even though that wasn’t what he had wanted to say. Harvey hadn’t brought Mike all the way to Massachusetts just to let Mike get a weekend off. He had planned something else, but it had been clear on the way there that it would be a problem for him to execute those plans.

“Thank you.” Mike repeated. “That’s sweet.”

Harvey swallowed and nodded, it had just been a moment of insecurity, but it had been enough for Mike to be able to read it on his face.

“Something wrong?” Mike asked, and Harvey immediately shook his head.

“No.” He said as he leaned in and kissed Mike slowly on the lips, dragging it out a little longer than necessary. “Everything is perfect.”

Mike cocked his head to the side as if he was trying to read something on Harvey’s face, he smiled gently when Harvey raised an eyebrow at him. “I see right through you, Harvey Specter.” He said.

“Is that so?” he asked as Mike slid his arms around Harvey’s waist before pressing a kiss to Harvey’s jaw.

“Yeah.” He answered, and apparently that was all he was going to say about that. He pressed one more kiss to the corner of Harvey’s mouth before pulling back. “Thanks for dinner.”

Harvey just watched as Mike walked out of the kitchen area and slumped down on the floor in front of the fireplace, leaning back against the couch. A moment later, Harvey followed after him and sat down next to him.

“Something on your mind, kid?” Harvey asked, and was surprised when Mike was grinning happily as he turned to face him.

“Nothing.” He answered, and Harvey actually believed him. It had been true what he had said earlier, Mike seemed more relaxed and happy than Harvey had ever seen him. He knew that Mike loved his job and would do anything in the world to be able to go legit, but Harvey also knew that Mike had gone through hell and back during these last few months, and he had been in desperate need of a break from it all. Harvey couldn’t complain, he had also needed to get away for a bit. No phone calls, no disasters, no always looking over their shoulders. Just the two of them. It was strangely comforting to know that they could share this too, that they didn't need the constant excitement. 

Harvey took a deep breath as he stared into the fireplace; it was very peaceful listening to the crackling of the fire and feeling the warmth all over his body.

“I know something’s on _your_ mind though.” Mike said. “You wanna tell me about it?”

“I just…” Harvey started, but truth be told, he was still not used the whole ‘partners’ aspect of being in a relationship. He never shared much with everyone, hated feeling so vulnerable, and even though he was making progress in opening up to Mike, it was still a challenge for him. “Last weekend when you showed me your old house… And that restaurant where you used to go as a kid?”

“Yeah?” Mike asked, his voice was so calm, but also very curious. Harvey wasn’t surprised, Mike was curious by nature.

“You are just so… _raw.”_ Harvey said as looked Mike in the eyes, trying to make sure he wouldn’t’ say something stupid. “I mean, you just went through an awful breakup and you are still able to give so much and open yourself up like that…”

“Is that a bad thing?” Mike asked, sounding slightly concerned, and Harvey immediately responded by smiling at him and shaking his head.

“No, not at all.” Harvey replied “I loved that you showed me those things.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I can’t do that.” Harvey replied, just a little too fast. “I suck at opening up, I wanted to take you up here so I could show you something from _my_ past, me growing up… But I-“

Harvey couldn’t even put it into words, and he was really starting to feel like a major dick because of it. Mike just stared at him, waiting for him to continue, looking very confused and all Harvey could do was blurt out some bullshit that didn’t even make sense.

He knew what kind of relationship Mike had with Rachel, hell, he had even envied them for it. It had been real and they talked openly about their feelings for each other. They would hold hands as they walked down the street and they could kiss briefly in front of the elevator when one of them left early from work. And yes, Harvey was still intimidated by that because he knew that no matter what he said, Mike wanted that kind of relationship and Harvey didn’t know when he would be able to give him that.

He could just say that to Mike, it wasn’t that hard.

Except that it was.

“I can’t even talk about my mom when you ask about her.” Harvey finally said, as he remembered the tension in the car on their way to the cabin.

“Harvey.” Mike said. “I already know how you feel about your mom, what happened, and I know that you miss your dad…”

Hearing someone else say it always sucked, even when Donna brought it up, he would get defensive.

“Because you told me, remember?” Mike asked “You _do_ talk about her, _it_ , even if it’s on your own terms.”

“It’s not the same.”

“Harvey.” Mike said, sounding almost impatient by the other man. He put his hand on Harvey’s leg. “I never expected you to tell me you love me and suddenly become a this whole other person – hell, I never expected you to tell me that you loved me at all.”

“I do.” Harvey said. “Love you.”

At least he could say that.

“I know.” Mike replied. “And you brought me out here to get my mind off everything that’s going on back home, and you told me about your brother and you just- you try really hard, okay?”

“It’s not the same though.”

“Jesus, and I thought I was the insecure one.” Mike said, and Harvey almost snickered at that. Instead, Mike let out a breath before scrambling around on the floor, as he took Harvey’s hand in his and brought it around his shoulders before leaning his back against Harvey’s chest. “You make me happy.” He said.

“You make me happy.” Harvey answered.

“See, just you admitting that is real progress.” Mike said as he let out another breath. “I know it feels like forever, because we’ve known each other for years, but we haven’t really dated that long, Harvey.” He continued before snuggling even closer to Harvey, their fingers were still entwined and Harvey gave Mike’s hand a squeeze. “Give it time, okay?”

“Okay.” Harvey answered as he kissed Mike’s temple.

Mike snickered then. “You are such a train wreck, Harvey Specter.”

Harvey couldn’t help but grin against the side of Mike’s head. “You’re the one to talk, kid.”

Mike shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal and Harvey’s grin grew wider. Two broken people wasn’t always such a good idea, but the thing with the two of them wasn’t that they were trying to fix each other, they were just there while the other one tried to fix themselves as best they could.

They laid there quietly for a moment, only moving when they needed to put more wood into the fire. Harvey was more than grateful for the peaceful silence, but felt like there was something he should say and he was dying for Mike’s reaction.

“I was going to bring you out to Harvard.” Harvey said, his voice calm and quiet and he noticed how Mike tensed slightly when he spoke, but relaxed almost immediately. “Show you my old dorm; show you around, I know you’ve been there before, but…” He took a breath. “You showed me your home, and in a way, Harvard used to be mine so…”

Mike was quiet for a moment before answering. “Why didn’t you?”

“Figured it was kind of a dick move.” Harvey said as he pulled Mike impossibly closer to his chest.

“It wouldn’t have been.” Mike said, his voice still quiet. Harvey didn’t know if it was because he was quiet or if he was just thinking about it. “Do you think I would have liked it there?”

Harvey felt his chest tightening at the question and nodded. “Yeah, I think you would have loved it.”

Mike nodded as well, before turning his head and looking up into Harvey’s eyes. He was definitely tired, and maybe a little sad at the thought of never being able to make Harvard his home as well, but he still smiled sweetly at Harvey. “You’ll have to show me some time.”

Harvey smiled back at him before leaning in closer and kissing him softly on the lips. “Anytime you want.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Mike whispered, still close to Harvey’s lips. He smiled once more before pulling back slightly to rest his head on Harvey’s shoulder. “It’s getting really warm.”

“I know.” Harvey answered.

Neither of them moved.

“Hey, Harvey?” Mike asked then “What did you answer on the marriage question?”

Harvey had almost forgotten that stupid office relationship form until Mike brought it up again. He absentmindedly stroked Mike’s arm with his thumb as he took a breath. “Why do you wanna know?”

“She said we weren’t on opposite sides of the scale anywhere.” Mike said.

“She did.” Harvey confirmed, as he was starting to get where Mike was going with this.

“I overthought that question too.” Mike confessed, and Harvey smiled. Of course he had.

“So?” Harvey asked curiously.

“Either you answered the same as me, or you answered maybe.” Mike continued, and Harvey was equally nervous and amused by how Mike was dragging this out instead of just saying exactly what was on his mind.

“What were you hoping I answered?” Harvey asked.

Mike was quiet for what seemed like the longest time before answering. “Maybe.”

Harvey just hummed an answer, it really was getting warm with the two of them pressed against each other so close to the fire. “You answered ‘no’ didn’t you?”

A part of him didn’t’ want to know the answer. Here he had thought that he was the one would seem like a dick on paper, but apparently Mike and him weren’t really on the same page after all.

“If one day someone finds out, someone that shouldn’t…” Mike began, and really, he didn’t have to say anything else because Harvey already knew what he was about to say and it kind of broke his heart. “It’s bad enough that you’re my boss, the one who hired me… If you were my… _husband_ as well…”

The word sounded so foreign on Mike’s tongue, as if it was his first time trying it out.

“What if you were legit?” Harvey asked. “Or if you’d known that the questions was just to establish the seriousness of the relationship?”

Mike put his hand on top of Harvey’s and squeezed it gently. “Would I ever consider making it official?” he asked, and Harvey nodded against the top of his head. “Sure.”

It changed everything. It was too soon, wasn’t it? Considering the idea of marriage? Whatever, it was a ‘maybe’, not a yes. Harvey tried to hide the grin on his face, but he knew that Mike could feel it.

Whatever, it wasn’t a big deal.


	40. Chapter 40

Mike was staring. He was well aware of it, and no, he couldn’t help himself. Harvey looked like a completely different person when he was asleep, and Mike often became mesmerized by it. It was a shame that Harvey often woke up earlier than Mike in the mornings, because it gave Mike fewer opportunities to take in Harvey’s peaceful, sleeping form.

Mike felt a little bit like a stalker as he resisted the urge to reach out and run his fingers through Harvey’s hair. Mike smiled as Harvey took in a deeper breath, as if he was about to wake up, but it quickly evened out again.

Harvey was lying on his stomach, with his arms tucked underneath the pillow where his head was resting. He didn’t move much during the nights, as Mike did. If Mike was sleeping alone, he would often find himself with his feet on the pillow and his head hanging off the edge of the head. Luckily, that habit seemed to disappear when he was sharing the bed with someone else, instead he just crept in closer and closer to the other person’s body warmth.

Rachel hadn’t really minded most of the time, except for the fact that Mike had very cold feet and she often asked him to sleep with socks on. Harvey didn’t mind at all, he just groaned if Mike pressed himself so close that Harvey almost fell out of the bed.

“How long have you been awake?” Harvey suddenly mumbled, and Mike almost jumped at the sound as he thought Harvey was still asleep.

“Like, ten minutes.” Mike stammered out.

“You’re staring.” Harvey said then, even though he still hadn’t opened his eyes.

“I am not.” Mike said, defending himself as if he had been offended. “I was just admiring the view.”

Harvey smiled into the pillow as he opened his eyes and looked straight at Mike. “Staring.”

“Okay, maybe a little bit.” Mike answered as he sat up straight against the headboard, his eyes still locked with Harvey’s. Now that Harvey was awake, Mike reached out and ran his fingers through Harvey's hair, before stroking his neck gently. Harvey hummed in response, and Mike’s lips twitched into another smile.

“You sleep well?” Harvey asked. “You’re not usually up this early.”

“It’s almost ten o’clock.” Mike said and Harvey’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, before he rolled around onto his back and looked at the clock that was hanging above the dresser.

“Shit.”

“Maybe you needed a break too, huh?” Mike remarked as he took a deep breath. It was so relaxing to know that they could stay in bed all day if they wanted. No one was waiting for them, they had no work that needed to be done over the weekend, there was no major disaster that needed to be dealt with. Everything was just great.

“Maybe.” Harvey answered on a sigh, and even though he seemed surprised that he had slept that long, he didn’t seem to want to move any time soon. Instead, he groaned as he stretched his legs before propping himself up on one elbow to grin at Mike. “What do you want to do today?”

Mike laid back down again, pulling the covers up to his chin, making Harvey roll his eyes. “We can’t just stay here all day.” Harvey said.

“Why not?” Mike asked, as he tried his best to look at Harvey with those puppy-dog eyes of his.

“If you just wanted to stay in bed we could have stayed home.” Harvey answered.

“Yeah, but…” Mike said before groaning, “I’m afraid you’re going to suggest doing something _out there_ , in the _cold.”_

Harvey laughed at him. That bastard.

“Well, the trail is probably covered by snow so hiking is out of the option.” Harvey said, and rolled his eyes when Mike looked like he was giving himself a mental high-five. “Though, you could always borrow some boots and a pair of-“

“No, Harvey.” Mike said as he pouted.

“You are nothing if not adventurous, aren’t you?” Harvey asked, even though it sounded more like a statement than a question.

Mike did actually feel guilty then, Harvey was trying really hard to show Mike something new in a place that meant a lot to him, and Mike was just complaining.

“Okay.” He said then “Hiking could be fun.”

Harvey raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Mike said “You’re probably dying for some exercise, so why not?”

Harvey just shook his head before he leaned in and kissed Mike deeply on the lips, and Mike couldn’t help but let out a low moan and a whimper when Harvey pulled back. “We don’t have to go hiking, Mike.” He said “I was only kidding.”

“What?”

“Without the trail, we would probably get lost anyway and it gets dark early out here.” Harvey said. “But I do have something planned that I think you’re going to like, so get some warm clothes, okay?”

Mike punched him playfully in the arm for messing with him, but he still couldn’t help but grin. “Okay.”

Mike knew how to dress in the cold, even though he hadn’t really been close to anything resembling a ‘winter wonderland’ since he was a kid. No cotton, dress in layers, and all that. Still, Harvey almost hovered over him as he got dressed, and commented on Mike’s choice in socks of all things.

It would have been endearing, if it wasn’t so annoying. In the end, Mike did have to borrow a pair of boots and a fleece jacket from Harvey, and he was really starting to get curious as to where they were going.

“We have to drive there.” Harvey said as he locked the door behind him. “You want to drive?” he asked.

The fact that Harvey would let Mike get anywhere near his rental, was astonishing in itself, and Mike actually wanted to jump at the chance, except…

“I can’t.”

“Sure you can.” Harvey said, as he made his way down the stairs, cursing as he almost slipped on the ice again. “It’s not even a stick, just promise you won’t dent it or my insurance will go to shit.”

“No, Harvey.” Mike said, a little more serious this time. “I can’t.” he said “As in I don’t know how to drive.”

Harvey just stopped dead in his tracks to look Mike up and down to see if he was bluffing, it kind of made Mike feel like an idiot, but he got that Harvey might be surprised. “You don’t know how to drive?”

“I think that’s been obviously stated.” Mike said before making his way to the passenger side of the car.

Harvey didn’t say anything else, he just frowned before unlocking the doors and getting in the car. Mike followed soon after.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like a dick.” Harvey said as Mike buckled up, and Harvey turned on the engine.

“You didn’t.” Mike answered “Promise.”

“No one ever taught you how to drive?” Harvey asked, and he looked like he regretted the question as soon as it had been asked. Mike only smiled at him though, letting him know it was okay.

“No.” Mike said “My parents died before I was old enough to drive, my grandmother was a little too old for that, and I didn’t really have anyone else who would trust me to get behind the wheel of their car.”

“Well, then I guess I’ll have to teach you.”

“What, really?” Mike asked as his eyebrows rose in surprise. He knew that Harvey trusted him, but he never thought he would trust him like that. Maybe Mike shouldn’t put too much into it, but he felt like it was kind of a big deal that Harvey would not only let him drive his car, but also put in the time and effort to teach Mike how to drive.

“Yeah, you should know how to drive.” Harvey answered, “I don’t see you getting a town-car or a driver anytime soon, so it would just be practical.”

“Wow, you were almost nice there.”

“I try my best.” Harvey said and Mike couldn’t help but smile at him, even though Harvey had just insulted his work performance, he knew that he didn’t mean it. Bantering and clever remarks was just something they did.

“Thanks though.” Mike said “I’d appreciate it.”

“I’d have to get a new car though, or rent something.” Harvey said “You are not getting near any of my classics.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” Mike said, but really, he didn’t mind. He was just happy for the offer, even though he was vaguely worried about how driving with Harvey would be like. He wasn’t exactly known for his patience.

Suddenly, Harvey was slowing down and going off the main road onto what seemed like a private road, Mike looked over at Harvey every now and then to try to figure out if they were closing in on their destination, but Harvey was as cool as ever.

When Harvey pulled up next to a house and turned off the engine though, that was a pretty clear sign that they had arrived. Mike was about to ask where they were, when he noticed a slightly older guy and a teenage girl emerge from the house in front of him. Harvey waved at the guy, who waved back and Mike just raised his eyebrows at Harvey.

“Come on.” Was all Harvey said before he got out of the car, and walked over to the man. They shook hands and he patted Harvey on the shoulder, he looked like an old friend or something. Mike soon followed after him, just in time to hear him say to the girl. “Look at you kid, you’re all grown up.”

“Nah, she’s still my baby girl.” The man said and the girl scoffed at him.

“Thanks, dad.” She said sarcastically. Mike couldn’t blame her. If his grandmother had embarrassed him in front of someone that looked like Harvey Specter at that age, he would probably hold it against her for at least a month.

“This your guest, Harvey?” The man asked as he reached out to shake Mike’s hand. “Grant Tanner, nice to meet you.”

“Mike Ross.” Mike said as he shook his hand.

“I’m Julie.” The girl said, as she twirled a strand of her blonde locks around her finger.

“Hi, Julie.” Mike replied “Nice to meet you.”

Harvey leaned in a little bit closer to Mike, even though he didn’t seem to notice himself doing it. Mike found it strangely comforting.

“Got everything set up for us, Grant?” Harvey asked.

“Everything’s already out back, the suits are right next to the heater.” Grant said “Now, you guys go easy out there, alright? I have to go drop Julie off at a friend’s house, but I’ll be here when you get back.”

“Thanks, appreciate it.” Harvey replied, and Grant gave them both a nod before he and Julie headed towards his truck.

Harvey smiled at Mike after he had waved them off, but Mike was left staring at him with raised eyebrows and a puzzled look on his face. “Where are we?”

“Come on.” Harvey said, just like earlier, as he reached for Mike’s hand. Mike took it without questioning it, and followed Harvey around the house. There was something that resembled a small barn on the other side, and Harvey was heading straight for it. Mike could do nothing but try to keep up.

As Harvey opened the door for him, and Mike looked inside, he couldn’t help but grin hugely and turn his head back towards Harvey. “No way.”

“Way.” Harvey answered.

“Awesome.” Mike said as he went further into the barn and could take a closer look at the snowmobiles that were parked there. They were really cool, seemed to be top of the line even though Mike really didn’t know that much about how they were supposed to look. “Are we going out with these?”

“Yeah.” Harvey said.

“But I thought you needed one of those trail passes to drive a snow mobile up here?” Mike asked, and Harvey was just left looking at him as if he had completely given up on humanity. “What?”

“How do you even know that?” Harvey asked “No, seriously, why and when did you read that?”

Mike just shrugged as a response.

Harvey shook his head again. “Anyway, those two are mine.” He said and pointed to one that was black and blue, and one that was grey and red. “And this is private property, Grant lets me and Marcus drive around here, so the trail pass is unnecessary.”

“This is so cool.” Mike said, and he couldn’t wait to take that thing out for a spin. Harvey though, seemed slightly concerned by Mike’s enthusiasm.

“Well, I planned this before I knew that you didn’t even have a license.”

“You don’t need a license to drive one of these.” Mike said as his eyes were glued to the blue and black one.

“I know.” Harvey responded. “But just be careful, alright?”

Mike grinned at him “Of course.”

Harvey gave him that ‘given up on humanity’ look again.

Mike had been careful, or at least he had been more careful than he would have been if he had ever been given the same opportunity back in the old days when he was still smoking weed and ditching all responsibilities to hang out with Trevor.

Harvey was never going to let him behind the wheel of an actual car.

Afterwards, Grant invited them in for some food and told stories about Harvey and Marcus as teenagers. Mike particularly liked the story of how Harvey had snuck out of the cabin one summer to proposition one of the girls staying next door, only to be completely rejected, because she had a crush on his brother. Mike couldn’t help but point out the fact that Marcus was also Harvey’s _younger_ brother, and that he’d seen what Harvey’s hair had looked like when he went to Harvard, and if it had been as bad when he had gone to High school, then Mike couldn’t blame the girl.

Harvey had just glared at him and gone into full lawyer mode to defend himself, but Mike wasn’t going to forget that story anytime soon no matter what Harvey said.

Mike found out that he really liked this Grant guy. He had known Harvey since he was a kid, and even though Mike quickly understood that they weren’t really ‘friends’, more like ‘vacation buddies’ or something like that, they had a lot of good stories about each other. Mike wasn’t sure if he had ever met anyone that had never known Harvey as ‘Harvey the lawyer’ before.

They stayed longer than planned, but Mike didn’t mind that either. Sure, he really loved the thought of spending the entire weekend with Harvey all to himself, but he also knew now that part of why Harvey had dragged him out there was because he wanted to show Mike a different side of himself. Mike couldn’t help but wonder if that was why Harvey had thought going to Grant’s would be a good idea, because he had known that Grant would share things that Harvey wouldn’t have thought of himself.

“It looked like a dead animal had been glued to you head.” Mike said as he reached out and ruffled Harvey’s hair, but Harvey quickly swatted his hand away as he unlocked the door to the cabin.

“I’m telling you, it was just a bad picture.” Harvey said as he opened the door for Mike to get inside. “I was _very_ popular, mind you.”

“Oh, I believe that.” Mike answered, because he had pictured Harvey in college and at Harvard more than once, and in none of those scenarios had Harvey been anything but spectacular. “I liked Grant.”

“He’s a good man.” Harvey answered, in typical Harvey-fashion. Mike smiled at him.

“Today was so awesome.” Mike answered “I’m exhausted.”

“I’m glad you had fun.” Harvey said as he hung up his jacket and kicked off his shoes, laughing when he noticed that Mike almost fell on his ass as he tried to get his boots off.

“Shut up.” Mike answered with a pout.

Harvey walked over to him and put one hand on Mike’s hip and the other one around his neck to bring his lips into a chaste kiss. Mike hummed in response against Harvey’s lips, he would never get tired of that.

“So.” Harvey said, he was still so close that Mike could feel his breath on his face. “Exactly how exhausted are you?”

Mike smirked wickedly at him. “Oh, I’m sure I can muster up some energy if necessary.”

Harvey moved the hand that was on Mike’s hips and took a hold of Mike’s wrist instead and stroked it gently, leaving Mike almost swaying on his feet. “Oh, it’s necessary alright.”

Mike grinned, before biting his bottom lip, but he didn’t move an inch. Harvey seemed eager to get upstairs, if his cocky smile and the way he was staring at Mike’s lips was anything to go by. Still, Mike didn’t move, he just hummed happily.

“You’re staring again.” Harvey said, and it took Mike a moment to register that he was talking to him.

“What?”

“Like you did this morning.” Harvey said, almost curious as to why Mike would find it so interesting to watch him so intensely. “What are you thinking about?”

“Just wondering if I’m ever going to stop falling in love you.” Mike answered at once, without even thinking about the answer. It was just there, on the tip of his tongue, as if he had been waiting for Harvey to ask that exact question. It was true though, because Mike had started falling for Harvey ages ago, but he never stopped, it was like a never-changing floating moment whenever Harvey said or did something that made his heart skip a beat. It was like this constant feeling of falling in love whenever he learned something new about Harvey or when the man decided to show a new side to himself. Mike was still falling, and he couldn’t imagine a day when he wouldn’t. He couldn’t describe it, the mixture between falling and being in love at the same time, as if his heart couldn’t decide between the two.

There was something in Harvey’s eyes that almost made Mike ask if something was wrong, but before he head a chance to, Harvey was crushing their lips together, his hands roaming all over Mike’s body and his lips whispering and gasping sweet nothings between the heated kisses.

Mike was already dreading going home the next morning, but Harvey did a damn good job at making him forget all about that and just live in the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 40 chapters, over 100,000 words. Thank you guys for sticking with me so far! I told you this was going to be a long one. I still haven't decided how long it's going to be, but I have the next 5 chapters planned out, and then i have a hundred different ideas floating around on where i'm going from there. So just stay tuned.


	41. Chapter 41

«Here are the updated files for your meeting this afternoon, all the new input is highlighted and the comments are written in red.” Katrina said as she put the files down in front of Harvey. “I emailed you the draft-proposal and if you approve I will have it printed and sent out before lunch.”

“What about the-“

“I’ve already filed for insight in their documents.” Katrina said, not even letting Harvey finish the sentence. "I'd run it by you, but I didn't want to waste any time in case they already knew what we were going to do." He found it such a Donna-thing to do. He couldn’t really get upset at Katrina for being one step in front of him when that was exactly what he would have asked Mike to do. 

“Good job.” He said, even though there was no actual heat behind the words, she seemed to appreciate the words.

“Thanks.” She answered “Is there anything else I can do for you or should I go and get prepared for the meeting?”

“You go prep, it should be pretty standard meeting, but let’s be prepared for the worst.” Harvey replied. She nodded once before leaving quietly.

It was still so tense between them and Harvey was starting to wonder why. They had a shitty past, but she was able to get along with Mike without any problem it seemed. It was probably just Harvey’s instinct to protect those he cared about that made him so cautious and skeptical when it came to Katrina Benett.

Still, the whole point of this stupid switch was for Katrina to learn to work under someone else than Louis and he was pretty sure she was getting quite the wake-up call on that front. She was good at her job though, there was no denying that. As soon as she learned how Harvey wanted things done, Katrina had picked up on it in no time. She was no Mike, but then again as Mike had said, they can’t all be him.

Louis and Mike seemed to be getting along as well, even though Harvey was starting to sense that hostility that Jessica had referred to. Louis seemed more distant and closed when talking to Mike, he didn’t let him in the way he had used to. He was the same way with Harvey.

Harvey sighed. When would things stop being so god damn complicated around this place?

The weekend with Mike had been great, and at least things were starting to settle on that end. They both seem to be on the same page on what they wanted, they were both happy about their relationship and the people that needed to know, knew. It felt nice that there was one less secret that needed to be kept, even though they couldn’t exactly flaunt it anytime soon.

“Harvey.”

Harvey looked up from the files that Katrina had brought him to see Louis standing in the doorway. “You got a second?”

Harvey nodded. “Yeah.” He said and gestured for Louis to come inside. “What can I do for you?”

“Just wanted to know how things are going at your end.”

Harvey furrowed his brows, silently wondering why Louis hadn’t sat down. “My end on what?”

“With Katrina, your case.” He said “Our finale settlement meeting is tomorrow, so…”

“So you want your associate back?” Harvey asked, and tried his best to get a good read on Louis. He seemed almost nervous, but composed himself before nodding. “Did Mike do something wrong?”

“No, I just want things back to normal.” Louis said “Katrina knows what I need and-“

“Not too long ago you were driving yourself crazy trying to win Mike over so he could be your associate.” Harvey said “So I can’t really see how this has anything to do with anyone’s abilities.”

“I don’t really want to discuss this with you under the circumstances...”

“What circumstances?” Harvey asked sternly, even though he already knew the answer. Louis fidgeted slightly with the bottom of his jacket, but stood with his head held high as he put his hands out.

“Do you really want to go there?”

“What circumstances?” Harvey repeated, drawing out each word.

“You and Mike- dating.” Louis answered.

Harvey already knew what he was going to say, but he had been hoping he would be wrong. “You and I are on equal footing now, Louis.” Harvey said as if Louis needed to reminded of his name on that wall. “If you have a complaint about how one of the associates-“

“There are no complaints.” Louis interrupted him. “Like I said, I just want things back to normal.”

“Normal?” Harvey asked “You tip-toeing around Mike while he tries his best to please you is far from normal, and if you don’t want to discuss the real reason why you want to switch back then I can’t help you.”

“This has nothing to do with-“

“And as far as my ability to be impartial goes-“Harvey said, not letting Louis get another word in. “I had no problem with that when you and Scottie were going head to head, and I’ll have no problem with it now.”

“I wasn’t suggesting…”

“Katrina and I have several meetings this week, sorry to disappoint.” Harvey said, and he wasn’t even sure if he was protecting Mike or himself at this point. He just knew that Mike had been right all along, that it was necessary for Louis to get back on the team, especially now that he was name-partner.

“Fine.” Louis answered, and was ready to leave.

“Louis…” Harvey said on a sigh, the last thing they needed was for Harvey and Louis to get on even worse footing. “I know you care about him, even when you were furious with him you still came in here demanding to know if he was okay when he’d been in the hospital.”

“Of course I _care_.” Louis almost spat back as if the word ‘care’ was a curse word. Harvey sighed again.

“You just don’t trust him…” Harvey said “Or me.”

Louis shrugged, but he almost looked guilty for not answering. Maybe he felt guilty for feeling like he did. Harvey couldn’t really tell.

“You _can_ trust us, Louis.” Harvey said, but he realized his voice sounded a little too stern to be convincing. “I don’t know about you, but I am so fucking tired of this endless arguing back and forth between us.”

“Yeah, well…” Louis answered, and he seemed like he searched for the next thing to say, but he couldn’t really find the words.

“Suits yourself.” Harvey said “But you're going to have to work with Mike to at least the end of the week, so suck it up.”

Harvey didn’t know why he even gave a shit when not half an hour ago he would have jumped at the deal of trading back in a second. Damn, Donna was right. He was going soft.

*

Wooing Louis Litt should not be this hard. Mike had tried everything he could think of, he had taken him out to lunch, he had tried finding some common ground for them to stand on, they had played that stupid tennis match and he had even offered to go to the animal shelter and pick out a new cat with him.

Louis didn't want a new cat.

Mike was running out of options.

It wasn’t that Louis was unkind or didn’t seem to appreciate Mike’s efforts or his hard work, he just didn’t seem to care much either. Maybe Mike should have given him some space instead of pushing, like he had wanted from Rachel when they had broken up.

Okay, now he felt ridiculous. He had not broken up with Louis Litt.

They were just on a break.

Mike groaned out loud at his own train of thoughts, but quickly pulled himself together as he decided to stop by Harvey’s office on his way back from the file room. Donna was in there, and as Mike entered, he could hear her filling him in on all his appointments for the rest of the week.

“Hey, Mike.” She said as she turned around.

“How did you know-“ Mike said, but quickly shook his head. “Never mind, stupid question.”

“Yes, it was.” Donna agreed with a smirk.

“Am I interrupting something?” Mike asked, and Harvey shook his head.

“What’s up?”

“Did Louis ask to switch back associates?” he asked, and by the look on Harvey’s face, he already knew the answer. “Great… Why didn’t you just agree?”

“Because you two need to figure that shit out and Jessica wants Katrina to have more experience working under someone else but Louis.” Harvey answered, as if he really wasn’t in the mood for any of the work-drama that was happening at the moment. “Just take him mudding and pour your heart out and be done with it already.”

“I’ve tried.” Mike said “I’ve tried everything I can think of, but he’s just so distant. I can hardly even get him to talk to me, he just keeps giving me more shit to work on and makes excuses for not wanting to hang out.” He said "I feel like an idiot." 

“He’s your boss.” Harvey said, even though Mike could tell that Harvey really wanted to comment on the 'idiot' remark.  “Just do as he says and give him some space.”

“No, terrible idea.” Donna argued, and when it came to these kinds of things, Mike would take her advice over Harvey’s, any day. “Why is he still mad at you?”

Mike shrugged “He doesn’t trust me.”

“Well, you didn’t trust him either before, but you do now, right?” She asked.

“I guess.” Mike said.

“So, trust needs to be earned.” Donna said “That’ll take time, next issue?”

“He still wants me gone, I think.” Mike said “He let me stay, but I’m not sure he thinks I deserve to be here.”

“Bullshit.” Harvey said “He knows what a great lawyer you are, he said so himself.”

“That’s not what I mean.” Mike said “I’m compromising the firm by being here, and I don’t think he sees me as the guy who loves the law as much as he does anymore.”

“There.” Donna said as she pointed to Mike. “That we can fix.”

“How?”

“It’s not just you, he’s second guessing himself as well.” Donna said “You remind him of all the things that he has done to get to where he is now, maybe he doesn’t see you as the guy who loves the law anymore, because he can’t see himself as that guy either.”

“So, what do I do?”

“I swear, you two are completely useless, it’s a wonder you can even be a couple.” Donna said, and Harvey couldn’t help but shrug at Mike. She did have a point after all. “Just show him, work twice as hard, find a case that you are both so passionate about that you can remind each other why you are here.”

“That sounded very homo-erotic.” Harvey commented “I don’t like it.”

Mike couldn’t help but grin at him, and Harvey smiled back.

“Honestly.” Donna said as she held her hands up “I don’t even know why I bother.”

“No, you’re right.” Mike said “Thanks, Donna.”

“Anytime.” Donna said before turning back to Harvey. “And you?”

“What about me?”

“Katrina.” Donna answered, and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Give her some real work to do so she can prove herself, and stop moping just because she doesn’t know you as well as Mike does – maybe you two should talk things through as well.”

“Don’t you have a phone that needs answering?” Harvey asked, and Donna glared at him. “Fine.”

“Good.”

With that she all but stomped out of the room with a certain elegance that only Donna Paulsen could pull off.

“You’re still having trouble with Katrina, huh?” Mike asked.

“I am just….”

“Holding a grudge?” Mike asked, as he walked over to Harvey’s desk. “You can’t tell Louis not to hold stuff against me when you’re doing the same to her.”

“I don’t…”

“Trust her?”

“I am sorry; did we get married without me knowing it?” Harvey asked, “Because you are acting like a very annoying wife right now.”

Mike smiled at him, and Harvey let out a sigh. It was just too easy sometimes. “Trust needs to be earned, Harvey.”

“Thanks for the words of wisdom, very original.” Harvey replied as he rolled his eyes.” If you have to find another case to work with Louis on, then I might be stuck with her for the first part of the expansion of Singer’s company.”

“Come on!” Mike said, and realized that he sounded like a child, but he didn’t really care. “I wanted to work on that.”

“Then get your ass in high gear and find something that-“

Harvey stopped mid-sentence then, and Mike could see on his face that he just realized something and was trying to figure out if whatever he was planning would work.

“What?” Mike asked.

“I have an idea.” Harvey said with a sly grin, and Mike already wasn’t sure if he was going to approve.

“Does this involve anything illegal?” Mike asked, and Harvey shook his head before he stopped as if he was in thought.

“Well, technically, I guess every time you work a case it involves something illegal.” Harvey said on a shrug, as if it wasn’t a big deal. As if Mike didn’t think of that every time he put his name down as second chair, or every time someone thanked him for helping them with tears and gratitude in his eyes. As if Mike didn’t worry each and every day what would happen to those people if he ever was exposed.

“Yeah, thanks for reminding me.” Was all Mike said.

As if he could ever forget.

Harvey didn’t seem to notice it though, but Mike was well aware of how good he had become at hiding that particular fear from Harvey.

“Okay, lay it on me.” Mike replied, but Harvey shook his head before gathering up some documents and putting them into a file.

“Can’t, Katrina and I have a meeting and then I have a few arrangements to make.” Harvey said before getting up from his desk. “Don’t worry, I’ll deal with it.”

“You don’t have to deal with everything, you know.” Mike said with a small smile “But thank you.”

“Anything for you.” Harvey replied, and by the look on his face it seemed like the words had escaped his mouth before he’d had a chance to think them through.

Mike wanted to tease, but with everything that was going on, he decided against it. Instead, he just grinned.

“Shut up and get back to work.” Was Harvey’s sweet reply as he walked past Mike and headed for the conference room.

Mike’s smile was still visible on his face as he stopped by Donna’s desk.

“You got it bad.” Donna said with a knowing smile.

“I’m in so deep shit.” Mike answered, even though he really didn’t mind, even though the voice in the back of his voice kept telling him that there was no way that they could last. There was no way that he could actually grow old with Harvey Specter.

There was no way he could be that lucky.

“Yeah, both of you.” Donna answered, still smirking at him. “He’s got it bad too.”

Mike’s grin only grew wider, before he leaned in closer. “I know.”

Donna laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a few of you wanted more of the rest of the characters, and as I responded to some of you; i wrote the switch in there for a reason. There will be more Louis, Mike and Harvey, as well as Katrina. Jessica and Malone will also play a bigger part as the story goes on, as will Rachel and Donna, along with a few others.   
> Just remember, that this is first and foremost a Marvey fic. :)


	42. Chapter 42

«Harvey, where are we going?» Mike asked, as he looked out the window of the car. “I thought we were going out for lunch.”

“We are.” Harvey said as he took a left. “Sort of.”

Mike raised his eyebrows at his boyfriend. There were two things that were off with this picture. The first one was that they were driving one of Harvey’s cars instead of having Ray drive them, which was unusual. The second was that they too far away from the office to just be grabbing lunch.

“Harvey, are you kidnapping me?” Mike asked. “I think you could at least have the curtesy to tell me if that’s the case.”

“Trust me, I have no intentions of keeping you hauled up in a basement somewhere.” Harvey answered. “Unless you’re into that sort of thing, in that case, I really wish you would have told me sooner.”

“You’re an ass.” Mike said and Harvey just winked at him. Dickhead. “Seriously, I have to get back to the office before one thirty, or Louis is going to kill me.”

“You’ve settled the case, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t have a shitload of paperwork to get through.” Mike said.

“You were the one who kept nagging that I was too busy with work lately.” Harvey replied then, and okay, maybe Mike had mentioned it once or twice that they hadn’t spent that much time together lately. That Harvey was too caught up in work and that Jessica was on his ass all the time, and Mike kind of hated going home alone all the time. Maybe.

“I wasn’t _nagging._ ” Mike insisted. “I simply mentioned it in passing.”

“Aha.” Harvey answered as he pulled up in a familiar space, and Mike raised his eyebrows in question again as Harvey stopped the car.

“What are we doing here?” Mike asked. “Is this you being romantic, because even though it’s nice to see you a little nostalgic, I am starving and there’s no food here.”

Harvey rolled his eyes at him before getting out of the car, Mike all but hurried out after him. “Harvey?” he asked, almost nervously.

“Sorry.” Harvey said as he put his hands in his pockets and walked over to where Mike was leaning against the front of the car. “Afraid I might disappoint.”

“What do you mean?” Mike asked as he looked from Harvey to the building in front of him.

“I didn’t take you out here to get lunch.” Harvey said, but he didn’t seem like he was sorry at all.

“Is this about work?” Mike asked as if he was starting to understand what was going on. “Did you sneak me out of the office so we could go here? Do you have a meeting or something that you won’t bring Katrina too?”

Harvey shook his head and then something caught his eye, and Mike furrowed his brows as he looked over his shoulder to see no other than Louis Litt walking towards him. Mike almost panicked. He turned back to Harvey. “Is this a hit?” he asked “Are you going to kill me?”

“What?” Harvey asked, and he looked like he genuinely thought Mike was an idiot then. Well, it wasn’t the first time.

Then Louis caught up to them, and Mike could finally see that the man seemed just as confused as he was.

“Harvey, what’s going on?” Louis asked, well, more like demanded to know. “Why are we _here?”_

“We are here because I am tired of your bullshit.” He said and then turned to Mike “Both of you, you are acting like you’re in junior high and Jessica is riding my ass about it.”

Neither of them answered, instead they looked from the building to Harvey with a puzzled look on their faces. “Mike, you remember when we worked the case for McKernon, don’t you?” He asked, and Mike nodded, but he was still as confused as ever.

“Yeah, it was one of our first cases.” He answered “We worked it while I was organizing the rookie dinner.” He raised one of his eyebrows in question, trying to get a read on his boyfriend, which seemed to be getting a lot harder to do lately. “Why?”

“What you don’t know is that Hardman pitted Louis and me against each other to land them as a client.” Harvey said and then looked over at Louis with a smirk “I won.”

“Because you stabbed me in the back.”

“And that was greatly repaid wasn’t it?” Harvey almost snapped back, and Mike was just trying to keep up, because he had learned that this kind of information was usually important to remember. “It doesn’t matter anymore, anyway.”

“Then why are we here?” Louis asked.

“Mike cares about this place.” Harvey said and then looked over at Mike. “Right?”

“Eh, yeah.” Mike agreed, he remembered working that case with Harvey and how hard they had fought for the company.

“And _I_ care about this company.” Harvey said. “And now you need to care too, because I am handing it over to you.”

Louis just stared at him. “What?” he asked.

“Harvey, McKernon Motors is like your baby.” Mike argued.

“Well, now it’s your baby.” He told Mike. “They are now your client, I’ve already arranged everything and they are expecting you.”

“Wait, both of us?” Mike asked.

“Yes, you are now proud co-parents.” Harvey replied dully. “Congratulations.”

“I-uh.” Was all Mike was able to say, while Louis looked like he was trying to figure out why Harvey would do such a thing.

“When thinking about it, maybe giving you the ropes to a motor company wasn’t such a good idea.” Harvey said, with an obvious tease in his words. “You can’t even drive.”

“Screw you.” Mike managed then, even though it should really have been a thank you.

“Wait, you can’t drive?” Louis asked.

Before Mike had a chance to answer though, Harvey placed his hand on Louis’ shoulder.

“Louis.” Harvey said, sounding more serious then as he looked Louis right in the eye. “I trust you to do this right.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Of course you don’t.” Harvey said, and even though it sounded kind of mean, Louis didn’t seem that offended. “I’m giving you one of my clients, one that I care a hell of a lot about… Consider it a congratulatory present for making partner.”

“Yeah, okay.” Louis answered, and then there was a pause. “Thank you.”

Harvey only smiled cockily in return. “No problem, now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to the office.” He said.

Louis just grinned at Mike, which felt nice, because it was genuine. He then nodded his head towards the entrance. Mike followed him for a few steps before stopping. “I just gotta-“ he said and pointed over his shoulder. Louis resisted the urge to roll his eyes before he gestured towards Harvey. Mike smiled before he jogged back, catching Harvey’s attention before the man had a chance to drive off.

“This was your great plan?” Mike asked as he rested his forearms against the top of the car and bent down slightly to become face to face with Harvey.

Harvey just winked at him, as he put the car in neutral and relaxed back against the seat.

“Thank you.” Mike said.

“Common ground and all that.” Harvey said “Donna’s idea, really.”

“Not really.” Mike answered with a sweet smile. “Thank you.”

“You’ve said that already.”

Mike smiled again. “I know.”

“Go kick some ass then.” Harvey said “Can’t have you running late to your first meeting.”

“You still owe me a meal.” Mike answered and Harvey rolled his eyes at him.

“I just gave you a multi-million company and you are complaining about a lack of spring rolls?”

Mike groaned. “I would kill for some spring rolls right now.”

“I’ve spoiled you.” Harvey answered. “Dinner tonight.” A pause. “You’re buying.”

“It’s a date.” Mike said and then looked over his shoulder to check if Louis were still waiting patiently before leaning in closer to Harvey. “Oh, just so you know.” He said, his voice low and confident, almost a whisper. “You have _no idea_ how lucky you’re gonna get tonight.”

Mike grinned when he heard Harvey’s breath hitch. “I’ll see you later.”

Louis seemed absolutely chipper throughout the whole meeting, which was something Mike hadn’t seen in a long time. In fact, Mike had only seen him in this good of a mood twice before. When Mike had agreed to be his associate, and when he and Sheila were gonna get married. Mike almost flinched at the thought as he really hoped that everything wouldn’t turn to shit this time as well.

“So, you can’t drive, huh?” Louis asked, as he turned his head to look at Mike as they walked out of the building.

“Nope.” Mike said “Harvey’s taken me out a couple of times, but-“

He didn’t finish the sentence as he didn’t want to admit that so far, he was pretty shit at it. Harvey had been surprisingly patient with him though, even though Mike could somehow always sense the tension in the car as if Harvey was sure that Mike was going to get them both killed. Getting driving lessons from your extremely hot boyfriend wasn’t something Mike particularly enjoyed either, he usually just felt embarrassed.

“You wanna drive back?” Louis asked as he held up the keys to his car, which Mike knew was very expensive, and he almost choked on his own tongue.

“Are you serious?” Mike asked.

“Sure, why not?” Louis asked. “I’ve got great insurance and…”

“And what?” Mike asked, as if there was a catch to this that he wasn’t getting.

“I trust you.” Louis said on a shrug as if it wasn’t’ a big deal. As if it wasn’t something Mike had been wanting to hear for the last few weeks, months even.

“Okay.” Mike said as he tried playing it as cool as possible. “Yeah, thanks.”

Mike was hopelessly relieved when he managed to get both of them back to the office alive. That certainly could have put a damper on their friendship.

As he walked past Harvey’s office, he was surprised when he actually saw Harvey _smiling_ at something Katrina had told him. Smiling, as in a sincere smile. Had Jessica grown so tired of everyone’s bullshit that she had put something in the water making them all get along? Mike wouldn’t have been surprised if that was the case. Looks like he was stuck working with Louis for the rest of the week, the weird thing was that he really didn’t mind. Sure, he preferred working with Harvey, but he wasn’t going to give Louis an opportunity to doubt him again.

Mike hadn’t lied earlier when he had told Harvey that he had a lot of paperwork he needed to get through, but he couldn’t help but corner Donna when he noticed her coming from the direction of the elevator.

“Harvey told me that his plan worked.” Donna said before cocking her head to the side. “Well, _our_ plan.”

“Yes, it did.” Mike said “And you are so amazing.”

She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face him. “What do you want?”

Mike sighed “Just advice.”

“The last time I tried giving you advice, I got yelled at.”

“Harvey yelled at you, I was defending you, because you-“ he said and pointed his finger at her “Are the best.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere.” Donna said “But next time you should probably try something a little more original, I already know that I’m the best.”

“Harvey just gave me and Louis _McKernon motors._ ” Mike said “I need to find a way to thank him.”

“Okay, I don’t know what he’s told you, but it was one time and I’m pretty sure you’ve got more experience in that department than I do right now.” Donna said and Mike just stared at her for what probably felt like the longest time.

“Wait, what- no.” he said as he held his hands up. “No, there is definitely nothing wrong in that department, or wait- did he say something?” Mike asked, and the look on Donna’s face said it all.

“No.” She replied, almost stubbornly. “What do you want?”

“I need to figure out something nice to do for him.” Mike said.

“Mike, you don’t need to do something special, he was happy to help.” She said “Besides, you guys just had a romantic getaway, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but that was also his idea.”

“Yeah, because apparently you had gone down memory road and been all nostalgic and sharing.”

“Wow, he really does tell you everything, doesn’t he?” Mike asked, but he really wasn’t that upset as he might have been just a few weeks ago. Sometimes he does feel a little threatened by Donna and Harvey’s relationship because they could share everything so easily, and Donna knew him so well. Still, he was so glad that Harvey had someone to talk to, that he had that person in this time. Actually, now he had two of those people. Mike should be proud of how far they’ve come. He was.

“I’m just saying that I’m not sure trying to up each other is a very good idea.” Donna said “It’s a relationship, not a competition.”

“I know that.” Mike answered “I am just trying to show him that I’m grateful.”

“Then say thank you, take him to dinner and have some great sex.” Donna said “No pressure on the sex part, don’t be that guy.”

“I-“ Mike said, but then he finally caught up with what she was saying. It wasn’t that they were trying to up each other exactly, but he did remember Harvey telling him at the cabin that he had brought him out there because Mike had taken him to his old house and showed him that side of him. Shit, maybe Donna was right? Well, not right exactly, but she did have a point. “I get what you’re saying.”

“Good.” Donna said as she seemed pleased with that answer. “I’m not saying that you can’t show you’re grateful, Mike, because it’s good that you appreciate each other, but you haven’t dated that long…”

Mike got what she was trying to say. If they already got the notions in their heads that they needed to impress each other like they had been doing lately, then they might set very unrealistic goals in regards of their relationship.

“I get it.” He said “Thanks.”

“Sure.” She said “But you know, dinner, that’s nice.” She said with a wink before returning to her desk. Mike sighed, thinking that maybe he should get back to work as well. He wanted to groan out loud as he thought about the paperwork that was awaiting him back at his office.

Yeah, dinner sounded perfect.

“When I told you you’d be buying, I should have known better.” Harvey said as he splayed out on Mike’s couch, feet on the coffee table and a take-out container from the Chinese place on the corner in his hand.

“I’m sorry, are you complaining?” Mike asked, as he put his feet up on Harvey’s lap. Harvey glared at him for a moment and gestured from the feet to his food, but Mike only smiled innocently at him.

Harvey didn’t seem to have the energy to fight him, so instead he just popped another dumpling into his mouth.

“Can I have one?” Mike asked, and was already trying to pinch Harvey with his chopsticks.

“I told you to get extra dumplings, not my fault you insisted you wanted noodles.” Harvey said, and yes, it was sweet that Harvey knew him so well, but it was also annoying when he looked at him with that ‘I told you so’ face, that Mike knew so well.

Mike pouted. Harvey sighed. In the end, Mike got his dumpling.

“Here.” Mike said as he threw a fortune cookie at Harvey’s face, the other man looked seriously annoyed but Mike couldn’t help but laugh. “I was aiming for the container, I swear.”

“You swear, huh?” Harvey asked as he put the container on the coffee table, trying not to crush Mike’s feet in the process.

“Yep.” Mike said before getting his own cookie, as he tried to break it in two, he ended up getting crumbles all over himself.

“Child.” Harvey commented.

“Shut up.” Mike answered as he looked down at the message inside. “Welcome the changes in your life.”

“Wow, how deep and original.” Harvey answered, and Mike was starting to wonder if Harvey was in a mood or if he was just tired.

“What does your say?”

Harvey sighed before opening the cookie and popping it into his mouth, reading as he chewed. Mike got curious when he saw a smile forming on Harvey’s lips. “What?” he asked.

“A new relationship is about to blossom, you will be blessed.” Harvey said as he turned to Mike. “Looks like you’ll be out of the picture soon, rookie.”

“These things are stupid anyway.” Mike said as he sat up and grabbed the small piece of paper away from Harvey before throwing it in the direction towards the empty containers.

Suddenly Harvey was the one who was amused, and Mike was the annoyed one. Just for good measure, Mike leaned back enough to kick Harvey in the thigh. “Hey!” Harvey said, but there was still a smirk on his lips.

“You deserved it.” Mike answered before grabbing the blanket off the side of the couch and draping it over himself, and also Harvey in the process. “It’s cold.”

“It’s snowing again.” Harvey answered as he glanced out the window. He leaned back further into the couch and turned his head back to Mike. “You and Louis seems to be getting along a lot better now.”

Mike smiled at him. “He even let me drive back to the office.”

“Really?” Harvey asked, and Mike could have sworn he heard a hint of jealousy in his voice.

“Hey, Harvey?” Mike said, as Harvey seemed to absentmindedly massage Mike’s feet as they were still splayed on his lap.

“Hm?”

Harvey turned his head and his eyes met Mike’s, his eyes looked tired to the point where they were almost glistening.

“Nothing, never mind.” Mike said then. “You wanna go to bed?”

“It’s early.”

Mike shrugged. “I could use a good night’s sleep.” He said.

Harvey looked at him for a little while before nodding. “Yeah, okay.”

Something seemed to have shifted with them lately, and Mike wasn’t quite sure what it was. Nothing was wrong, uncomfortable or awkward, but… different. Maybe it was that things were finally starting to settle down, or that they had gotten through the first phase in their relationship when they were still unsure and threading carefully. Maybe they were just more comfortable around each other.

Mike couldn’t put his finger on it.

After brushing his teeth, Harvey just stripped down to his underwear and climbed into bed. Mike secretly loved tired-Harvey. Not when he was exhausted to the point that Mike was afraid that he might lose it, but when he was like this, sleepy and sweet and comfortable, his eyes almost drifting close before Mike even had a chance to join him on the bed. The gratitude-sex that Donna had suggested was already out the window.

Mike smiled as he laid down next to Harvey, propping his head up on the pillow.

“What are you smiling at?” Harvey asked.

“You.”

Harvey seemed too sleepy to respond, but offered Mike a smile.

“Do you know how much I appreciate everything you do for me?” Mike asked, and Harvey nodded into his pillow.

“Yes.” He answered, which was good. He didn’t brush it off and tell Mike it was no big deal, because he probably knew that for Mike, it really wasn’t and that Mike really needed to hear that Harvey knew how grateful he was.

“Good.” Mike answered as he scooted closer to Harvey, so he could feel his warmth. Harvey smiled again.

“What’s on your mind, kid?” Harvey asked, and Mike still hated that nickname. It just sounded so wrong now.

Mike shook his head, even though it was probably hard to see. He turned around and turned off the nightlight on his nightstand before scooting in closer to Harvey again. “Good night.”

“You sure nothing’s wrong?” Harvey asked, and if he wasn’t already half-asleep, he might have kept prodding until Mike gave a better answer.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Mike answered, and Harvey leaned in close enough to give Mike a soft kiss on the lips. Mike smiled fondly as he noticed Harvey fell asleep with their noses still touching. Donna had been right, they were both so fucked.


	43. Chapter 43

Mike gradually noticed the change in his and Harvey’s relationship. After the initial excitement of the new relationship started to fade, things settled and slowed down quite a bit between them. They didn’t spend quite as much time together, but that had a lot to with both of them being up to their ears in work, especially after Jason Singer finally decided to expand his company. Everything was still going great between them though, they still went out for dinner whenever they had a chance and Mike spent the night at Harvey’s place at least a couple of times a week.

Mike was still so fucking in love with Harvey Specter that he didn’t quite know how to deal with it.

Then Christmas was right around the corner, bonuses were being handed out, presents needed to be bought, and Mike was suddenly very aware of the fact that he should ask Harvey if they should celebrate together.

He had no clue what Harvey usually did during the holidays. The time he had known Harvey, he had never really asked, he’d just figured he either celebrated with Donna, Jessica or his family. It had never really been an issue, until now.

Harvey hadn’t mentioned it and Mike was afraid he’d already made plans.

It wasn’t a big deal if he had, except that after learning that Louis would be going back home to his family and that Donna and Rachel were going away as well, Mike would celebrate the holidays alone if Harvey had plans as well.

He felt so stupid, they were far enough into their relationship that he could just ask Harvey if they should do something together. Mike could be very casual when he wanted to. Actually, that was a complete lie.

Mike was reading through some financial documents that Louis had helped Harvey draw up about the potential pro’s and con’s the Singer company could face according to which city they should expand to first, when his phone rang.

He put the papers down before getting his phone from where it was laying on the coffee table. Harvey was calling, great. Mike prodded his feet up on the table before answering.

“Hi.” He said with a grin.

“Hey.” Harvey answered. “Am I interrupted something?”

“No, just going over the economic drafts about the area codes.” Mike said, just saying the words out loud made the whole thing seem twice as boring as it already was. “What’s up?”

“I usually visit Marcus for Christmas.” Harvey said then, and Mike found himself staring at the wall suddenly.

“Oh.”

“And then Donna so politely reminded me that maybe I have someone else I need to take into consideration this year.” Harvey said, and Mike wasn’t sure if he should laugh or not, because Harvey’s voice really wasn’t giving much away.

“Well, since Christmas is right around the corner, I’m guessing you’ve already booked your ticket?” Mike asked, and he almost wished he hadn’t. It was a stupid thing to say.

Harvey was silent for a little while. “Well yeah, but if you had something planned...”

“Not really.” Mike answered all too quickly, and he had no idea why. He was mentally slapping himself in the back of his head as he heard the words spilling out of his mouth. “I mean, I was going to ask if you wanted to do something, but if you’ve already made plans, then that’s fine.”

“Okay…” Harvey said, and Mike wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement. It sounded a little bit like both.

“I mean, you haven’t seen Marcus in a while right?” Mike asked, as he nervously started tapping his knee with his fingers.

“No…..”

“And you see me every day, so.” Mike said, and he was really trying to get himself to stop talking, but he just couldn’t. What was all that shit about honesty that they had talked so much about? Why was he pushing Harvey out the door? “Doesn’t really seem fair.”

Harvey was silent for the longest time, and then Mike just heard a click.

Harvey had hung up on him.

At first, Mike got mad at himself, why the hell had he answered Harvey like that? Harvey had been the one to call him when Mike had just been walking in circles for the last couple of weeks without actually getting his head out of his ass to ask Harvey if he wanted to celebrate Christmas together.

Then as Mike was staring at the phone in his hand, he got seriously pissed at Harvey. Harvey had been the one to make plans to go and spend Christmas with Marcus without even sparing Mike as second thought. Harvey hadn’t asked Mike to go with him.

Being so fucking in love made Mike’s head spin sometimes.

So much for meeting in the middle.

Twenty minutes later, someone was knocking on his door. Mike had expected the pizza man, but instead, there stood a very wet Harvey Specter. It was probably snowing again.

“You’re wet.”

“The elevator was broken.” Harvey said. “Had to use the stairs, the snow probably melted on the way up.” He answered, as if he hadn’t just hung up on Mike not even half an hour again. “Can I come in?”

Mike moved aside to let him in, and Harvey hung up his wet and probably cold jacket before he went in the living room.

“What are you doing here?” Mike asked as he went into the kitchen to put his almost-empty beer bottle on the kitchen counter, before he went back into the living room. Harvey looked like he was freezing. “You look cold.”

“It’s freezing outside.” Harvey answered. “And I came because I didn’t think we should have this conversation on the phone seeing as you acted like a dick.”

Mike’s eyebrows shot up. “ _I_ acted like a dick?” He asked.

Harvey’s response was a shrug, which just made Mike even more annoyed.

“ _You_ were the one who made plans without even running it by me.” Mike said “And I’m the bad guy because I didn’t ask you to cancel Christmas celebrations with your little brother?”

“I asked you if you-“

“You didn’t ask me shit.” Mike answered before Harvey even had a chance to say anything. “Donna reminded you that you had a boyfriend and you felt obliged to ask if I wanted to _do something_.”

“You were practically telling me to fuck off and go spent it with Marcus anyway.”

“What the fuck was I going to say?” Mike asked. “Please don’t go? So Marcus would think you had a sucky boyfriend who didn’t want you to spend Christmas with your little brother?”

“Okay, I get it.” Harvey said, even though he sounded more annoyed with Mike than anything else. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Mike replied, but he could feel his irritations until prickling beneath the surface of his skin. He tried to keep it in check though; he didn’t want to start a stupid fight. “You’ve had a lot on your mind lately.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Singer Company?” Mike asked and gestured to the files that were still on his coffee table. “And with Katrina and I switching back and forth, Jessica riding your ass… I get that things must have slipped your mind.”

“You don’t just slip my mind, Mike.” Harvey said, and his voice sounded a lot calmer now, and he almost sounded apologetic. “You know that, right?”

Mike wanted to answer that he didn’t know that. But it was unfair. Even with everything that was going on with work, no matter how tired Harvey seemed at the end of the day, he pretty much always made time for Mike. Instead, he just nodded.

Harvey sighed in defeat. “You never mentioned Christmas.”

“I know.” Mike said “I felt stupid, I didn’t want to get in the way if you had any plans, and then I was too late, and now I am being an ass about it, sorry.”

Harvey sighed again. “Why are we doing this?” Harvey asked. “You don’t have to tip-toe around me, you never have before.”

“I know!” Mike said before he slumped down in the armchair and buried his face in his hands. Harvey was still just standing there, staring at him. Mike shook his head, not knowing what to say. The whole thing was just so stupid and could have been easily avoided.

“Look, you’re sorry and I’m sorry.” Harvey said as he shrugged. “Let’s just move past this, okay?”

“Okay.” Mike answered, and just as he’d said it, there was a knock on the door. “Pizza’s here.”

He got up from the couch to get his wallet and go get the pizza, when he came back, Harvey was still standing in the exact same spot as he had before. Mike wasn’t sure what to make of that.

“Anything on your mind?” Mike asked, because honestly, a thousand things were still running around in his own head and he wanted to clear the air.

“I should probably go.” Harvey answered “I have a lot of work to do.”

“Yeah, sure.” Mike said “Anything I can do?”

Harvey smiled then, which made Mike feel a little better. “No, it’s all management paperwork.” He said “Thanks though.”

“Okay.” Mike said as he put the pizza down on the coffee table. Harvey was already standing by the door and Mike had to fight back the urge to sigh heavily as he went over to join him.

Harvey opened the door, but didn’t move. “We’re good, right?” He asked.

“I don’t know, are we?” Mike asked. It didn’t feel like they were good.

“I’ve never been in a serious relationship this time of year, before.” Harvey said, and he sounded almost insecure. “I guess I wasn’t thinking.”

“You could have asked.”

“So could you.”

Mike nodded, and waited for Harvey to say something. Harvey seemed to be doing the same. They were usually so good at reading each other, but now Mike felt like they were strangers.

“When are you leaving?” Mike asked.

“Monday.” Harvey answered. “We’re still on for this weekend though, yeah?”

“If you want to.” Mike replied, almost bitterly as Harvey walked out the door and into the hallway. Mike was pretty sure his nosy neighbor had her own door ajar.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Harvey asked.

“Because you still haven’t asked me to come with you.” Mike answered. Harvey just looked at him and Mike hated it. He didn’t understand why things were suddenly so tense between them.

“I didn’t-“ Harvey started, but he didn’t seem to be able to finish his sentence, and Mike just bit his bottom lip. If it was to stop himself from yelling or crying out in frustration, he wasn’t sure.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Mike said, and he actually did feel bad when he all but closed the door in Harvey’s face.

Mike didn’t sleep at all that night, he just kept tossing and turning and replaying the conversation he’d had with Harvey over and over again in his head. Harvey had been the one to call Mike. Harvey had been the one to show up at Mike’s doorstep not wanting to end a conversation on such a bad note. Mike had been the one to slam the door in his face.

Mike wasn’t really mad that Harvey had made plans without him, or that he hadn’t asked Mike to come with him, anymore. He was just upset because he’d honestly thought they were past this point in their relationship by now. To be fair, Mike had been the one who had suddenly become too insecure to even ask the guy who he was not only dating, but who was his best friend, to spend Christmas with him. He guessed they were both to blame, but Mike also knew that ending things the way they had the other night made things any better.

He kept wondering if Harvey was staying up as well, if Harvey was too tired to sleep, if Harvey missed him, if Harvey felt bad. Harvey, Harvey, Harvey.

Mike had told himself that if things ever ended between him and Harvey, that he would be okay. That he had proven to himself that he was strong enough to get through it and that he and Harvey would still be friends. He had so many good things in his life, that losing Harvey wouldn’t be the end of the earth. Mike had to keep reminding himself of that as he walked into the office the next day. Because honestly? Mike was not ready to lose Harvey, and he knew that he never would really be ready to do that.

They couldn’t break up over this, could they?

Mike breezed past Harvey’s office on his way to his own, but the other man wasn’t there. Mike wasn’t sure if he felt relieved or not. As soon as he got to his own office, he hung up his jacket to dry. It was snowing like a bitch outside and he really wished that Harvey had offered to pick him up. Mike hadn’t been surprised that he hadn’t.

Rachel stopped by with a hot chocolate, saying that she was probably never going to buy him coffee again after his caffeine overdose. Mike smiled and listened to her talk about spending the Christmas with Donna and how her family had been disappointed, but in the back of his mind, the mention of his little trip to the hospital just reminded him of the night he had realized he had fallen in love with Harvey.

“What are you and Harvey doing for Christmas?” Rachel asked, and Mike had never been happier about Jessica standing in his doorway, ever.

“Mike.” She said, and Rachel turned around and excused herself in a matter of seconds.

“What can I do for you?” Mike asked, as he took a sip of his hot chocolate.

“Do you have the area codes for the Singer company?” She asked, and Mike furrowed his brows in confusion for a moment before he found them in his messenger bag and handed them over to Jessica. “You in on this too?” he asked, trying to sound as polite as possible, when he was just confused.

“Just overseeing that everything runs smoothly.” Jessica said “I’m staying in New York over the holidays and Singer has been told to contact me if anything comes up.”

Mike wasn’t surprised at all that Jessica was going to stay behind, especially since she and Malone were still broken up. Mike still felt kind of guilty about that.

“Okay.” Was all Mike answered, but Jessica was still standing there, staring at him and Mike had no idea why.

“Harvey’s an idiot.” Jessica said then, and Mike was worried for a moment that they were still talking about the case, when he realized that they weren’t, he became terrified. “He doesn’t know it, but he is.”

“Ehm..” Mike said, not really knowing what was the appropriate response to that. Jessica never meddled in personal affairs unless it was necessary or if something was hurting the company. Mike wasn’t even sure how she had heard about their falling out already, unless Harvey had talked to her about it.

“Talk to him.” Jessica said, and with that she left Mike’s office with a million thoughts still going around in Mike’s head.

Mike wasn’t so dumb that he wasn’t going to listen to Jessica. He went to Harvey’s office, but he still wasn’t there. Donna was though, and Mike was almost afraid to face her.

He walked over to her and pointed to Harvey’s office with a confused look on his face.

“Meeting.” Was all Donna answered. Okay, so she was definitely not very happy with him either.

“You’re pissed at me too?”

“I’m really not.” She answered as she looked up from her computer. “I’m just choosing to stay out of this for once.”

Mike wasn’t sure if that was comforting or worrying. Usually Donna would interfere if she felt like people couldn’t figure out a mess by themselves, which should have meant that she thought Mike and Harvey were just being stupid and that they should just get their heads out of their asses. Still, there was something in her posture and in the way that she spoke which made Mike feel like there was another reason why she didn’t want to get involved.

“What did he tell you?” Mike asked, the worry and confusion was clear in his voice.

“Nothing.”

“That’s bullshit.” Mike replied.

Donna sighed. “He told me what happened, that’s it-“ She said “I know you were hoping that he might share something else with me, but he didn’t… I barely got him to talk to me at all.”

“He’s really upset, then?” Mike asked, and a part of him was actually glad that Harvey was upset about the whole situation, at least that meant that he cared and maybe he even realized he had fucked up a little bit.

“I told you.” Donna said sternly. “I’m not getting involved.”

“And that terrifies me.” Mike said “You’re not even telling me to suck it up and apologize, or yelling at me for trying to change him or-“

“I am not getting involved for two reasons.” She said, realizing that Mike wasn’t going away any time soon. “One, I think that the two of you really need to learn to talk things through without me acting as your therapist, and two, because I think you were both idiots in this matter and I don’t feel right defending either of you.”

Mike just looked at her with his mouth hanging open like an idiot.

“We were that bad, huh?” He was finally able to ask.

Donna shrugged. “Look, he has no fricking idea what he’s doing when it comes to being in a serious relationship, especially with someone who means as much to him as you do, and you’re insecure after what happened in your previous relationship and afraid of pushing him away, I get it- now you two need to get it.”

“I know-“

“I know that you know, now I’m telling you to _get it_.” Donna replied. “I’m sure Harvey would love to spend Christmas with you, but you never asked and in his head that translated into something it shouldn’t” She said.” And you really should have at least mentioned it earlier, but I get that you’re angry that he didn’t think of you.”

Mike sighed heavily. “I just… One minute I feel like we’re on exactly the same page, and the next it’s like I can’t even tell what he’s thinking half the time.”

Donna shrugged again and let out a sigh. “If it helps, I do think you’re on the same page.” She said with a comforting smile. “And I do think you’re good for each other.”

“Thanks, Donna.” Mike replied with a small smile.

“You’re welcome.” She answered. “I’ll tell him you stopped by.”

Donna was always more in tuned with everyone around her than what Mike was, so if she felt like they were on the same page, then that was a great comfort. Still, Mike couldn’t help but be a little worried. He absolutely hated fighting with Harvey, he always had. Even when they were just friends, hell, even before they became friends, Mike felt like crap whenever Harvey and him weren’t getting along.

This wasn’t just some stupid insecurity or one of them being jealous either, it _should_ worry Mike that he had actually been too scared to ask Harvey to spend Christmas with him, and that Harvey hadn’t though that much of it. It really said something about their relationship. Mike was nowhere near throwing in the towel though, he was not letting Harvey go any time soon and he just hoped that Harvey felt the same way. Mike really regretted ending things they had the previous night.

Even with so many things on his mind, Mike was still able to finish all the work he was supposed to do and make extra copies for Jessica and go over the financial reviews with Louis to make sure everything went smoothly. He didn’t see Harvey all day, and whenever he went to bring the man something or update him on his work, he was either in a phone call or not at the office. Mike knew he was busy so he wasn’t going to say anything about Harvey avoiding him, even though it really felt like it.

After a day that felt like it had gone on forever, Mike was impatiently waiting for the elevator when suddenly Jessica and Harvey walked up to him, Mike couldn’t catch what they were talking about, but he guessed it was about Singer.

“Mike.” Jessica said as she caught up with him.

Mike only nodded to her, and dared to glance over at Harvey. He just stood next to Jessica, waiting for the elevator as well. He didn’t seem tense or anything, and Mike silently hated him for being able to keep his cool.

“I hope you don’t have any plans for tomorrow.” Jessica said, and Mike snapped out of his trance.

“Huh?” He asked, and then pulled himself together.

“Singer just sent us a proposition for the expansion and wants us to look at the legal aspects of it before he takes it up with the board after Christmas.” Harvey chimed in as he looked over at Mike for a moment as he talked to him, before turning back to the elevator as it pinged.

“Yeah, sure.” Mike answered as he made his way into the elevator.

He had been hoping to spend the weekend with Harvey so they could talk things through and hopefully have a lot of make-up sex, but maybe they still had a chance to do that if he could just get Harvey to talk to him.

“Good.” Jessica said next to him. “If the expansion of Singer’s company is successful, he might be the most important client this firm has landed in a long time and-“

“You’re welcome.” Harvey interrupted her with a cocky grin, and Mike couldn’t help but smile and roll his eyes at that.

Jessica only spared him one glare before continuing. “ _Therefore,_ we are all making sure that this goes as smoothly as possible, Louis and Malone are coming in tomorrow as well.”

“Great.” Was all Mike was able to answer, because he really didn’t know what to say. He realized how important it was to the company that this thing ran smoothly, but he also knew that Harvey really needed a weekend off. It was a good thing he was flying to Boston on Monday.

Jessica said her goodbyes to the both of them with a knowing smile as she got off the elevator and headed for the exit where her driver was already waiting.

Mike was about to open his mouth to say something to Harvey, but Harvey spoke first.

“It’s been snowing all day.” He said “Come on, I’ll have Ray drop you off at your place.”

“Thanks.” Was all Mike was able to answer.

“Unless…” Harvey said as he turned his head to look Mike straight in the eye. “Do you want to come over?”

Mike let out almost a desperate sigh and nodded with a small smile on his lips. “Yeah.” He said. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Harvey smiled back. “Okay.”

The drive back to Harvey’s place was mostly silent and a little tense, but at least they were trying. It wasn’t perfect, but it was okay.

They were both too tired to make dinner, so Mike just threw together some eggs and toast for the two of them.

“I’m sorry about last night.” Mike finally dared to say after they finished eating and Harvey was putting their plates in the dishwasher.

“Me too.” Harvey answered and even though it sounded earnest, he was much more tense in his reply than Mike had been.

“You were right.” Mike said “I can’t expect you to read minds.”

“It’s fine.” Harvey answered, and he didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk about it, but Mike just wanted them to be okay again. He didn’t want to spend Christmas alone in his apartment knowing that Harvey was in Boston and that they weren’t okay. It would be horrible.

“Harvey, I-“

“Mike.” Harvey said as he took a couple of steps towards Mike, his voice was still stern and Mike wasn’t sure if he was going to fly off the handle or not. “I’m exhausted, you’re tired, it’s been a week from hell and if we start this up again we’re just going to fight and honestly, I just want to go to bed.”

Mike wanted everything to be good between them again, he wanted them to talk things through and understand that they wanted the same thing. But Mike wasn’t an idiot, and even with everything that had happened lately, Mike still knew Harvey pretty well. Mike knew that when both of them were this tired and wound up, Harvey would end up overreacting and Mike would end up taking things too personal and it would just result in another fight.

So instead of saying anything else, he just nodded. “Okay.” He said, and then waited for what seemed like the longest time before he asked. “Do you want me to go?”

Harvey looked at him and Mike felt himself swallow almost nervously, as if they had never done this before. As if he hadn’t had every inch of Harvey’s skin beneath his fingertips. As if Mike’s lips didn’t tingle with the memory of Harvey’s lips on his.

Harvey leaned in closer, almost carefully. If Mike didn’t know any better, he would say Harvey was afraid that Mike would pull away.

As if Mike could pull away from Harvey even if he tried.

Mike met him halfway and kissed him softly on the lips. It only took a moment before Harvey deepened the kiss as he put his arm around Mike and pulled him closer. Mike moaned into the kiss and was already dreading the part where he had to stop for air.

Harvey led him to the bedroom, and Mike couldn’t help but to whisper into Harvey’s skin that he loved him, just to make sure Harvey wasn’t letting go. Harvey palmed his cheeks and rested his forehead against Mike’s. “God, Rookie.” He let out on a breath “You have no idea.” He said, and before Mike could answer, Harvey was kissing him again.

They undressed themselves, not each other, just because it was faster. The second they were done, their hands were on each other again. Hands exploring, and mouths pressed against each other as if it was their first time all over again. Luckily it wasn’t though, and Mike knew exactly where to kiss Harvey to make him moan, and Harvey knew exactly what to say to make Mike a babbling mess underneath him.

The feel of having Harvey above him and inside of him as Harvey breathed heavily, with Mike’s hot mouth against his shoulder – it made Mike feel more alive than anything. It always melted away every doubt and worry Mike had, making him feel like nothing else existed but the two of them. It was intoxicating and Mike had never felt like that with anyone. Then Harvey would bring one of Mike’s legs over his shoulder, and he would whisper Mike’s name in a praise and Mike would angle his head to the side just enough for Harvey to bring their lips together again.

Afterwards, they both laid down on their backs, Mike’s fingers gently brushing against the side of Harvey’s hand, over his knuckles. They were too tired to talk, too tired to brush their teeth or get washed up. Things may not be good, but they were okay.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the late updates you guys!

"Mike, you have to wake up."

Usually, when Harvey was in a good mood, Mike would be woken up with a soft kiss to his shoulder or a cup of coffee. Now, Harvey was just standing in the doorway to the bedroom, waiting for Mike to open his eyes.

Mike swallowed heavily at that.

“What time is it?” he asked, his voice was hoarse and low, as if he hadn’t had anything to drink for days. Truth was, he was still exhausted as he had barely been able to get any sleep the night before, despite how tired he’d been.

“Almost eight.” Harvey answered. “We should leave in half an hour, it’s been snowing all night and it might take a while to get to the office.”

“Yeah, okay.” Mike said and as he stretched out, he realized that Harvey’s side of the bed was cold. “You’ve been up long?” he asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.

“Not that long.” Harvey answered “Thought I’d get a shower in before you woke up.”

“I could have joined you, you know.” Mike answered with a little chuckle, but Harvey didn’t wink or grin cockily at him. Instead, he held his position in the doorway and nodded once at Mike.

“I’ll go make us some coffee, okay?”

Mike nodded and hated himself for even letting the thought sink into his head, but he couldn’t help but wonder if this was them breaking up.

He sighed and ran a hand over his face before making his way to the bathroom. Mike groaned as he watched his reflection in the mirror, yeah, a shower would do him some good. The warm water felt great against his skin and it washed away some of the tiredness as well. The bad thing about showers, was that they were the perfect place to overthink things and that was the last thing Mike needed.

The smell of coffee hit him the second he walked out of the bedroom after he had finished getting dressed. Luckily, he always had a spare suit or two at Harvey’s place.

“You look a lot better.” Harvey said as he handed him a cup. “You want some breakfast?”

“I’m good.” Mike said as he accepted the cup and went to grab an apple for from the bowl at the end of the counter.

“Suit yourself.” Harvey answered. “We should head out soon, anyway.”

Mike nodded, and god, he had so many questions he wanted to ask. He was so frustrated, he felt his skin crawl. Harvey wasn’t giving anything away, and Mike just wanted him to say something, anything to let Mike know that they still had a chance at making it. Then again, if they couldn’t even get past a fight like this, then maybe they weren’t supposed to make it. The thought made Mike feel sick.

“Hey, you okay?” Harvey asked, and Mike met his eyes as he realized that Harvey must have been able to read something on his face.

“I don’t know, are we okay?” Was Mike’s answer, and he couldn’t believe they were back to this again. Harvey had asked the exact same question a couple of nights ago and Mike had just shut him out.

Harvey looked at him for a while before sighing and putting his own cup of coffee down on the counter. “I don’t know.” He finally answered with a shrug. “I don’t even know what happened.”

“Me neither.” Mike answered as he shook his head before taking a sip of his coffee, hoping it would help clear away the headache he was having. “I screwed up.”

“We both did.” Harvey said.

“And we both apologized.”

“So why aren’t we passed this?” Harvey asked. It was almost like a rhetorical question the way he had asked is, as if the answer was somewhere in the universe but neither, Mike and Harvey could actually find it.

Mike just sighed heavily.

“We should get to work.” Harvey said then, and Mike realized that maybe he should have tried better to come up with a better answer, but truth be told, he didn’t have one.

“Harvey…I-“ he started, but he couldn’t find the words to finish the sentence. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to, as if whatever he could say would just be tossing wood on the fire. “I love you.”

Harvey did actually smile at that. A small, crocked smile that made his eyes sparkle and Mike’s stomach turn. “You too.”

At least there was still that.

“Come on.” Harvey said as Mike downed the rest of his coffee, not caring about how it burned his tongue.

**

Mike absolutely hated being stuck at work. Sure, the work was exciting and he was keeping himself busy, but it was still snowing outside and the usual coffee-cart guy that sold those great bagels right outside of their office wasn’t there, and Mike was tired and hungry and he kept thinking about Harvey.

So when Harvey stopped by his office around noon, his hair wet and his jacket covered with snow, holding a scone and a cup of coffee, Mike couldn’t help but smile. Harvey Specter, outbraving the storm for him.

“Thank you.” Mike said as he brought the cup to his lips. “I was actually daydreaming about a decent cup of coffee.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that stuff in the coffee maker has been there since yesterday.” Harvey replied. “So how is your reading coming along?”

Mike sighed as he looked down at the documents in front of him and then glanced sideways at the boxes that he had just brought up from the file room. “Its coming along.” He answered.

“Good.” Harvey answered. “I know a lot of this might seem like unnecessary work, but we all need this to run smoothly.”

“I know.” Mike replied with a smile. “It’s no hassle, really.”

Mike wasn’t an idiot. He was the only associate that had Jessica had asked to come in that day, and he was well aware of the fact that it was both because his bosses trusted him to get this done and because he read and worked faster than any other associate. He also remembered everything that he had read, which made the briefing a lot easier since there had been so many files to go through.

“Katrina is coming in later.” Harvey said. “Think you can brief her on your progress before she starts with the general survey on the company?”

"Yeah, sure." Mike said, almost getting flushed. "Ehh."

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Harvey replied with a small smile on his lips. “I can see it on your face. Louis just asked her to come in and I think it’s a good idea since you both worked with the client.”

Mike nodded once. “Covering all aspects.”

“Right.” Harvey answered.

“It’s so empty here.” Mike said. “I’ve never really thought about how few of you bigshots who make your associates come in on the weekend.”

Harvey almost looked offended at that, but Mike did notice an amused smirk making it’s way to his lips.

“I’m sorry, when have I ever made you come in here on a weekend?”

“You’re kidding me right?” Mike asked.

“Not my fault you couldn’t get the job done within your working hours.” Harvey replied. “Just saying.”

Mike glared at him and Harvey let out a small chuckle. This was them. The bickering and the constantly trying to prove how great they were, but the other one being able to see straight through them at the same time.

“How are things going on your end?” Mike asked then, almost afraid of the conversation ending now that they were finally talking like normal again.

“Oh, being stuck with Louis going over the company’s bylaws while worrying about the future interest that Jason’s father set for him is just a walk in the park, really.” Harvey said.

“So… “ Mike started, not even sure he wanted to go there, but his curiosity got the best of him. “Jessica is working with Jeff on the contracts Jason has with the other partners?”

“Jessica and Jeff.” Harvey said as if he was trying out the words on his lips. “You’re more formal with your bosses than what I am with them.”

Mike shrugged and Harvey smiled.

“Yeah, they are going over the contracts and obligations.” Harvey said “We can’t be that naïve so we won’t be prepared for them to be opposed to them expanding in this short amount of time.”

“Damn.” Mike said “It’s like we’re helping them build the company from scratch.”

“If only.” Harvey answered “At least then, they wouldn’t risk losing millions of dollars and all of their clients.”

“No pressure, right?” Mike asked. “But it’s great PR for us though, right? That’s part of why Jessica is so involved with the case.”

Harvey nodded. “Which is why we should probably get back to work.” He answered. “I’ll see you at the briefing at six.”

Mike nodded back. “Yeah, thanks again for the coffee.” He said.

Harvey only smiled at him before walking out the door.

Mike felt a weird sensation in the pit of his stomach as he watched Harvey walk away. It was a mix of emotions that he couldn’t quite pin down. On one hand, he was happy that Harvey was talking to him again and that their conversation hadn’t been cold or awkward. It gave him some hope that maybe they could move past this even though it hadn’t seemed like it just a few hours ago. On the other hand, he couldn’t help but think that the conversation had mainly been about work. The thought crossed his mind that maybe that was a good thing and it meant that even if they were to break up, they would still manage to work together and maybe even stay friends. Mike remembered how terrified he had been when they had first started dating, that he would lose Harvey forever if things weren’t to work out.

He didn’t want to think about that though. Mike had told Louis that he would be okay if he los his job, because he had other great things in his life. He also remembered thinking that if he somehow lost Harvey as his boyfriend; he would find a way to get past that too. Mike knew that he had grown this last few months, that he had learned not to place all his bets on one thing because if he lost that, he’d be screwed.

Still, that didn’t mean that the thought of actually losing Harvey wasn’t heartbreaking. He loved him. He really loved him. Harvey was sweet, and kind and he showed a side to Mike that he hadn’t shown to anyone before, not even Donna. Mike was the same way; he could be himself with Harvey. Mike loved falling asleep to Harvey and waking up with him still there. He loved the knowing glances as they parted by the elevator in the morning, and the way Harvey let Mike put his feet on his lap when they watched a movie.

Mike wasn’t letting that go without a fight, not as long as he knew that Harvey really wanted to be with him as well.

Katrina came in an hour later; looking like a tornado had hit her. Her hair was sticking out in every direction possible, her coat was full of melted snow and the expression on her face showed that she was clearly annoyed with the whole world.

“Did you walk here?” Mike asked.

“There was a traffic jam so I had to walk from around the block.” Katrina answered. “I’m freezing, I’ll just go freshen up and then I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Sure.” Mike said “Hey, I’m gonna go set up in the conference room, it’ll be easier if we’re going to work together.”

“Yeah, okay.” She said with a nod before she headed towards the direction of the bathrooms.

Mike preferred to work in his office, and it had been a lot warmer there than it was in the conference room, but he sucked it up, turned up the heat and started scattering documents and papers everywhere. He had a system, really. Luckily, Katrina had worked with him on multiple cases by now and knew exactly how he did things.

He didn’t admit it, but he was glad that Katrina was there. They were tossing ideas back and forth, asking each other for documents, going over numbers and previous cases that could be of help, and it kept his mind off Harvey and instead he focused on work.

“Hey, what the hell are you two doing?” Louis asked as he suddenly popped his head through the open door of the conference room. “Briefing was at six.”

Mike and Katrina both glanced up and the clock in time to see that it was ten past, and they both mumbled an apology before scrambling to get the necessary notes and files together before following Louis to Jessica’ office where everyone else was already waiting.

“Sorry.” The two of them said at once, and Mike couldn’t help but smile when he noticed that Harvey smirked slightly.

What should have been an easy briefing, turned into a nightmare. The proposition Singer had sent them didn’t add up with the procedure that previous case law suggested they should go with, and when Jessica and Malone told them what they had found in the internal contracts, they realized that it might be a problem with the clause about voting that Louis and Harvey had discovered in the bylaws. On top of that, they were all disagreeing on the area codes and where the expansion should start.

“So basically, we have a shitload of work to do.” Harvey said. “Great.”

“I’m supposed to go visit my parents for Christmas, but I can stay here if it’s needed.” Katrina said, and she actually sounded a little sad, but didn’t show it.

“No, you should go.” Mike objected. “It’s fine, I don’t have any plans, I can manage.”

“You sure?” Katrina asked.

“Yeah.” Mike answered, not even daring to glance over at Harvey.

“Harvey, you’re leaving on Monday, correct?” Jessica asked, and when Mike finally looked over at his boyfriend, Harvey was already looking straight at him.

“Yeah.” He answered.

“Okay, so is Jeff., and Louis is leaving tomorrow.” Jessica said, and there wasn’t the slightest emotion in her voice that told them how she felt about that.

“Not until four.” Louis said “I’ve already packed, so I can work tomorrow as well.”

“Great.” Jessica replied “For now, how about we work for a few more hours, try our best to make Singer’s proposition work with what we’ve found, if you can’t, then you change it to the client’s best interest and find another angle to work.”

All of them nodded.

“Hopefully we will have found a solution and a proposition that works for all parties, both financially and legally, so that Mike and I will have something solid to work on.” Jessica said, before all of them once again scattered in different directions.

Mike couldn’t believe he would be stuck working on Christmas, probably e-mailing Jessica with his ideas and progress while eating take-out in front of the TV. Whatever, it wasn’t the first time. At least this time he would have some work to occupy himself with.

“So, you and Harvey aren’t spending Christmas together?” Katrina asked, trying to sound casual as they were organizing the case law they had already gone through.

“He’s going to visit his brother in Boston.” Mike replied, trying to sound casual as well.

“Oh.” Katrina answered. “Okay.”

“There was a misunderstanding, okay?” Mike said, even though he didn’t really know why he felt the need to defend his and Harvey’s relationship. “Just don’t make a big deal out if it.”

She shook her head and held up her hands in defense. “Hey, none of my business.”

Damn right, it wasn’t any of her business. Still, Mike was glad that she seemed to actually care about him and that she was letting it go after he told her to. It was nice, having friends.

“So, how’s his brother like?”

Mike shrugged. “I’ve never met him.” Mike said “But he seems great.”

Then a thought crossed his mind. Did Marcus even know about him? He had been afraid of Marcus thinking Harvey had a shitty boyfriend if Mike had asked him to stay in New York with him, but maybe he didn’t even know that Harvey had a boyfriend.

Shit, that was the last thing he should be worrying about.

“That’s good.” Katrina said “Younger brother, right?”

“Yeah.” Mike answered “How did you know?”

“He has the big-brother complex, that’s probably why he’s always bailing you out of trouble.” Katrina said “Why he never seems to be able to stay mad at Louis, no matter what happens between them.”

Mike smiled. “You’re probably right.”

Mike had always loved that about Harvey.

Suddenly the lights flickered, and Mike looked up with a frown.

“It’s probably the snow.” Katrina said. “It’s really bad out there; I hope they don’t cancel my train.”

“It’ll clear up soon.” Mike said “It has to.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen it this bad before.” Katrina answered. Mike shrugged an answer. He wasn’t sure if he had either.

The more they worked, the more Mike yawned, in the end, he had to cave and went to brew a fresh cup of coffee. To his surprise, Harvey was already there, probably thinking the same thing.

“Hey.” Mike said with a smile, and Harvey turned around to face him.

“Hi.” He answered. “How’s it going?”

“The excitement is starting to wear out.” Mike replied. “It’s going painfully slow, but we’re getting there. At least there won’t be any mistakes.”

“Good.” Harvey said. “So… You said you had no plans?”

“What?” Mike asked, as if he hadn’t even registered the question. He really needed that coffee.

“During the briefing, you said you had no plans for Christmas.” Harvey said, his voice was a little quiet, almost unsure.

“Yeah, not really.” Mike answered.

“Well, what do you usually do?” Harvey asked, and he generally seemed interested, not just curious. Mike was worried that he was feeling guilty. Which was stupid, because a couple of nights ago, that was exactly how he had wanted Harvey to feel. Damn it.

Mike shrugged. “Before my grandmother died, I was usually with her Christmas Eve until she went to bed, and then I just watched TV or something.” Mike said, which was the truth, sometimes he would hang out with Trevor and get high, but he really didn’t want to bring that up again.

“Right.” Harvey answered, before he let out a deep breath. “Shit, Mike, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be.” Mike answered as he put a hand on Harvey’s arm. It was more of a reflex than anything else. “I should have brought it up earlier, we’ve been over this already.”

"Yeah, but I should have known that you-"

“Have a very limited amount of friends that I could spend the holidays with?” Mike finished his sentence, trying to make a joke about it and lighten the mood, but Harvey just looked at him, almost a frown upon his face. “Seriously, Harvey, I don’t need you to feel sorry for me.”

“Then come with me to Boston.” Harvey said, and Mike almost felt his heart skipping a beat. Something so simple suddenly meant so much.

Mike’s answer was already on the tip of his tongue, but before he could reply, he took the time to think it all through. He smiled at Harvey, the kind of smile that reached his eyes. “Thank you for asking.” He said. “But I’ve already told Jessica I’d stay here, plus there’s no way we could get another ticket by now.”

“You can work from Boston, then I can pitch in as well.” Harvey said, and suddenly he seemed a lot more determined than Mike had seen him in a while. “We’ll drive there.”

“In this weather? It will take two days.” Mike joked.

“I’ll hire a private plane.”

Mike shut him up by kissing him. Harvey was taken back at first, but he soon complied and almost melted against Mike. It was a lot different from the touches and kisses they had shared the night before. There was no desperation or reassurance behind it, because they didn’t need it. It was just the two of them, lips pressed together, holding on tight.

When they pulled apart, Mike was grinning at Harvey. “You go to Boston, say hi to Marcus from me and we’ll get together when you’re home.”

“That still leaves you alone for Christmas.” Harvey replied.

Mike shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.” He said “As long as I know you’re coming back.”

“Of course I’m coming back.” Harvey answered.

Mike nodded and realized he was still stroking the side of Harvey’s arm. “You know what I mean.”

“Mike-“Harvey started, but he was almost rudely interrupted by Katrina, who was suddenly standing right behind them.

“Hi, sorry.” She said, and Mike took a step back from Harvey. “You guys should come and see this.”

Mike looked once up at Harvey who was frowning at Katrina, before the two of them followed her into the conference room where Jessica, Louis and Malone were looking at the TV screen that they often used for conference calls.

“What’s up?” Mike asked once he got inside to see what had caught their curiosity.

“It’s the snow.” Malone answered. “They’ve closed a lot of the roads and are advising people to stay indoors.”

“It’s that bad?” Mike asked as he looked at the images on the screen. Snow covering entrances to apartment buildings, cars that had stopped in the middle of the street and people being helped by firefighters because they had been caught in various places. “Shit.”

“Yeah, guess we’re stuck here for the night.” Malone said “They call it the blizzard of the century, but I think that’s an exaggeration.”

“Well, what about you guys?” Mike asked “You are supposed to leave in a couple of days.”

“I think I’m screwed.” Louis said, but he didn’t seem that upset about it. Mike knew he had a strained relationship to his parents, so maybe he hadn’t looked forward to going back home. “There’s nothing we can do about it now, we’ll just have to wait it out.”

It wasn’t like they had been anywhere near being finished with their work for the night when they had gotten the news, but that didn’t mean that the idea of being stuck at work all night didn’t suck. Mike had noticed how the expression on Harvey’s face had fell when he’d realized that might not be able to see his brother, and Mike’s heart had kind of ached for him. He knew how much Harvey loved his brother and he felt bad for him, almost guilty since he had secretly wished a couple of nights ago that Harvey would stay with Mike instead.

“Hey.” Mike said as he entered Harvey’s office. Louis were going over Mike and Katrina’s work, and Mike took the chance to go and see how Harvey was doing. Harvey was sitting on the couch, his laptop on the table in front of him, and papers, documents and files were scattered all over the table.

“Hey.” Harvey answered, he was typing something on his computer, but his mind seemed elsewhere. “What’s up?”

“Louis is going over our work with Katrina so I thought I’d stop by and see how you were doing.”

“Fine.” Harvey replied as he looked up from his screen and pointed to the documents lying beside it. “Just going over this draft here, and then we can move on from the future interest.”

“That’s great.” Mike said as he casually made his way towards where Harvey was sitting on the couch. He sat down on the armrest and looked down at Harvey. “But I meant how _you_ were doing.”

Harvey looked up at him. “I’m fine, Mike.” Harvey answered.

“If the snowing stops, then I’m sure the planes and trains will start running again soon.” Mike reassured him, even though this was something Harvey had probably already thought of.

“Mike, really.” Harvey said. “I’m fine.”

“Yeah, you always are.” Mike replied. He didn’t’ know what else he could say and was afraid that they’d start fighting again, because Harvey seemed very tense, so he just put his hand on Harvey’s shoulder and squeezed it once before he got up from the couch and was ready to leave and get back to work.

“Mike, wait.” Harvey said as he hurryingly put his arm around Mike’s waist and kept him in place. Mike looked at him, the curiosity must have been clear on his face, because Harvey smiled at him. “I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to spend Christmas with you, _here,_ if it comes to that.”

Mike smiled back at him. “I wasn’t thinking that, but thank you for telling me.”

“Because I don’t.” Harvey answered as if he hadn’t even registered what Mike had said. “I don’t think that.”

“Good.” Mike said on another smile. “I still hope you’ll be able to see your brother though.”

Harvey’s arm was still around his waist and his hand firm on Mike’s hip. It felt nice and secure and Mike wished that it could say like that a little longer.

“Can I ask you something?” Mike asked.

Harvey nodded.

“Does Marcus know about me?” He asked, before he chickened out. “Us, I mean?”

Harvey looked at him with a puzzled look, before he opened his mouth to answer, but then closed it again.

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’.” Mike answered, but he wasn’t really mad about it. He had no idea what Marcus knew about Harvey’s sexuality, and he understood that if he hadn’t shared much about it with his brother, that he wouldn’t want to tell him on the phone.

“I just realized what an idiot I am.” Harvey said.

“You’re not.” Mike reassured him. “I was just wondering.”

“No, I am.” Harvey groaned. “I was on my way to this meeting with Singer when we planned Christmas, and we only talked for a short amount of time and i-“

“Harvey!” Mike said, almost on a laugh. “It’s fine.”

“Will you shut up and listen to me?” Harvey asked. “If I had given him the chance to ask if I was seeing someone, which he _always_ does, then I would have snapped out of this Singer case for a moment and told him, then he would have told me to bring you, I would have asked you and then we never would have been in this mess to begin with.”

Mike just looked at him for a moment while Harvey seemed to be kicking himself. “You would have told him, just like that?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Harvey asked, and then he grinned knowingly and Mike glared at him.

“Shut up.”

“Did you think I was embarrassed about you?” Hervey asked. “Because you’re a guy?”

“No- maybe, I don’t know.” Mike answered, and then yelped when Harvey suddenly yanked at his side and he fell into Harvey’s lap. “Harvey, what the-“

Harvey kissed the side of his jaw. “I screwed up everything.” He said “Couples talk about these kind of things and I was wrong not to ask you before I made plans.”

“Hey, it’s okay now.” Mike said “I’m just glad you _wanted_ me with you, even though I can’t come.”

“And I should have known that was all you wanted.” Harvey said “I’ve gotten used to your need for reassurance by now.”

Harvey grinned at him and Mike slapped his shoulder.

“Now you’re being an ass again.” He said, and then he just had to say what had been weighing on his mind the last couple of days, because this was them being honest and he wasn’t going to screw that up again. “I thought you were going to break up with me.”

“What?” Harvey asked.

“Or I wasn’t really thinking you would, I was just afraid that you might.” Mike said “And I wouldn’t blame me if you had.”

Harvey looked at him for what seemed like the longest time, at first he looked guilty, and then confused, before he just shook his head and looked Mike straight in the eye. “You have no idea.” Harvey suddenly said on a whisper and Mike instantly remembered Harvey saying the same thing the night before, and not knowing what Harvey meant then either.

“No idea about what?” Mike asked, and Harvey took a deep breath.

“How much I love you.” He replied, and Mike didn’t know what to say to that. He was about to say that he loved Harvey too, when Harvey spoke again. “Okay, just listen…”

Mike nodded and let Harvey take another breath. He loved these small moments, when Harvey was willing to open up completely. “You know I suck at this, being in a serious relationship is not really my strong suit.” He said “Which is why I keep doing these rookie mistakes.”

Mike smiled at the word.

“I hired a fraud.” Harvey said, and Mike felt his heart sink. “I hired you and I didn’t even know you, I’ve always been so protective of you, I cared about you, no matter the consequences and sometimes that scared me.”

Mike wanted to say something, but he didn’t even know what he would say at this point so he let Harvey continue for now.

“And now that I am so god damn in love with you, it’s not just scary, it’s terrifying.” Harvey said “I’m not used to being….”

“In love?”

“Afraid.”

Mike took a breath before putting his hand on Harvey’s cheek and pressing a soft kiss to Harvey’s forehead. “You don’t have to be, okay?” he asked. “Listen, I don’t know what’s going to happen, people die, they have heart attacks, we’re almost thrown in prison on a regular basis-“

Harvey actually chuckled at that.

“But right now I love you, okay?” Mike said. “Even those stupid things about you that I don’t particularly like, I still love, which is very frustrating at times.”

Harvey frowned at him for a moment before grinning. “Right back at you.”

“So, let’s just _try._ ” Mike answered. “Okay?”

Harvey held out his hand for Mike to shake, just like they had all that time ago. “Deal.”

Mike shook it with a smile. “Deal.”


	45. Chapter 45

«Hey, have you- Oh, god.»

Mike pulled away from Harvey and got to his feet so quickly that he almost fell over. By the door, Louis was still looking away awkwardly, staring at Harvey’s empty desk.

“For god’s sake, Louis.” Harvey said, more annoyed than anything else as he got up from his spot on the couch and straightened his suit. It wasn’t like they had even been doing anything inappropriate. Okay, maybe kissing your associate while he was sprawled on your lap while they were at work wasn’t that appropriate. “What’s up?”

“That the two of you isn’t the talk of the office already is beyond me.” Louis said as he straightened up as well, trying to pull himself together. “What if Malone had walked in?”

“We’re usually very stealth.” Mike answered, and Harvey snickered, as his boyfriend seemed to have recovered from having Louis Litt walking in on their make-out session, as well.

“I bet.” Louis said as he rolled his eyes. “We’re getting something to eat, if you two wanna join us.” He said before leaving Harvey’s office.

“What is there to eat here?” Mike asked as he turned his head and looked over at Harvey. “Pop-tarts and forgotten lunch boxes?”

Harvey shrugged. “I’m sure Louis has something stashed away somewhere.” He said before putting his arm around Mike’s shoulder and kissing the side of his temple. “Come on, you’ve barely eaten today.”

“Just hold on for a sec, okay?” Mike said and stopped Harvey from pulling him after Louis.

“What?” Harvey asked, trying to hide the frown that was making it’s way to his face. What now?

“I don’t need you to declare to the world that we’re together or for you to feel that you need my permission for absolutely everything now that we’re couple.” Mike said, and Harvey noticed how he was fiddling with the sleeve of Harvey’s jacket. “I just want you to know that I really appreciate it when you take the time to run out into the snow to get me a cup of coffee.”

It took a while for Harvey to even register what Mike was saying, but when he finally did, he smiled at Mike. “And I love it when you offer to stay late at work to help me with unfinished work.” He said “Oh, and for the record, Marcus does know about you, even if he doesn’t know that we’re together yet.”

Mike grinned like an idiot like him, and Harvey couldn’t help but glare at him. “You’ve talked about me?”

“I might have mentioned you.”

“I bet you talk about me all the time.” Mike answered.

“I do express a lot of annoyance about your presence, I guess.” Harvey said, and laughed when Mike slapped his arm playfully. “You two would get along great.”

Mike smiled back at him. “Good, now that we have that settled, let’s go eat.” He said “I’m starving.”

Jessica was making some coffee, while Malone and Katrina were raiding the cabinets and fridge, not giving a shit about name-labels that might be stuck on anything when Mike and Harvey entered the break-room. 

“Find anything good?” Mike asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“We’ve got Louis’ protein bars-“

“Which I want replaced if anyone takes one.” Louis interrupted.

Malone sighed before continuing. “A couple of yoghurts, a box of crackers, some instant noodles…”

“Basically we’re going to resort to cannibalism if the weather doesn’t get better soon.” Katrina finished.

Harvey almost frowned. Almost.

“Jackpot!” Malone suddenly said as he was digging into the small freezer underneath the fridge.

“What did you find?” Mike asked, curiously looking over Katrina’s shoulder to get a good look at whatever had caught Malone’s attention.

Malone turned around and held up a frozen pizza. “Beats Louis’ bars, that’s for sure.”

Harvey didn’t even want to know who on the floor had decided it had been a good idea to buy an entire pizza to bring to work, but he wasn’t going to complain. Frozen pizza was far from his favorite, but he was starving and wasn’t going to be picky.

“Fire it up.”

So _one_ frozen pizza for _six_ hungry people wasn’t exactly ideal, but they managed to share without too much grumbling. It didn’t exactly help that all of them were gathered around the small table in the lounge because the conference room, as well as the seating areas in all of their offices were covered in documents and papers. Harvey almost chuckled at how Mike tried his best not to stuff his face full of food the second he was presented to him and he figured it was because Jessica was there.

Harvey could still remember the night when he had told Scottie that he was all in, that he was ready to really give their relationship a shot. Scottie had smiled with tears in her eyes, telling Harvey that she was in it too. The night Harvey and Mike had finally gone from sleeping together to actually becoming a couple, totally committed to each other, Harvey could also remember clear as day. How he had felt in the two situations had been totally different.

With Scottie, he’d been happy, ready to finally take the next step in their relationship. With Mike it had been totally different. Yes, he’d been absolutely thrilled that they were finally on the same page, that they actually had a shot at being together, and for the first time he felt like more than just a rebound for Mike. Still, it was more than just happiness. With Mike he’d been excited, as if it was the start of an adventure, and he’d been scared, because he was putting his heart on the line for the first time, in a way he’d never been able to with Scottie or anyone else.

Harvey loved him, he absolutely loved him, and if all he had to do to keep Mike happy was to buy him coffee every now and then, or lean in and kiss his temple when he’d done some great work when they were working late, then Harvey would be an idiot not to do that. It was so much simpler than what Harvey had made it out to be in his head. 

“Harvey.”

Harvey snapped out of his thoughts and his eyes fell on Jessica, who was standing by the fridge, looking at him with raised eyebrows. “Sorry, what?” he asked, wondering how long he’d zoned out for. Jessica just shook her head, almost looking annoyed, but she offered him a small smirk anyway.

“Do you want a bottle of water?” Jessica asked, and held up the water bottle. Harvey nodded at her as he reached out his hand.

“Where did you go?” Malone asked before putting the last piece of the pizza crust in his mouth.

“Just zoned out, I guess.” Harvey answered, not even able to come up with a decent lie. “Long day.”

“You can say that again.” Louis agreed as he leaned back in his chair. “Should we be worried about how inconsistent that proposal from Singer was?”

Harvey sighed at that and leaned forward a bit. “I’ve been thinking about that since last night as well.” He said, and couldn’t help but notice how Mike raised his eyebrows, he gave him a look saying that they could talk later. “Singer is good, he’s got a lot of experience, this proposal doesn’t seem like him.”

“What are you thinking?” Katrina asked, and suddenly all of them seemed very interested in what Harvey was saying.

“Singer is risking everything with expanding the company to the States and we found multiple flaws with his proposal in just a matter of hours. I find it hard to believe that he didn’t do any research before sending it to us, unless there are other factors in the picture.” Harvey answered.

“His dad?” Mike asked, and suddenly all eyes were on him instead.

“You think so?” Harvey asked then, weighing that possibility. It did seem likely that Jason’s father wouldn’t be on board with Jason taking that risk with the company he’d built.

“Or maybe a partner.” Mike suggested. “Jason must have a million things on his mind right now, maybe someone he trusts offered to help him with the proposal.”

“Someone made a crappy proposal on purpose?” Katrina asked. “What would be the point of that? They must have known that we would see all the faults and fix them before Jason would go over the proposal with the rest of the partners.”

“To buy some time?” Harvey asked, “I have no idea, actually, but it would be a good idea to ask Jason who wrote the proposal.”

“Mike just said that Jason must have a lot on his mind.” Malone said. “Isn’t it possible that he didn’t have time to do the research or didn’t see the faults in the proposal and was hoping we’d fix them if we found any.”

“It’s perfectly possible.” Harvey answered. “And if that’s the case, then fine, but we should make sure that no one is trying to stop this expansion before it has a chance of starting.”

“Harvey’s right.” Jessica said, which usually meant that the discussion was over. “I’ll contact Jason on Monday; we can go over the proper procedures and make sure that everything has been done properly.”

Harvey nodded. He really missed his brother, and the thought of not being able to see him because of some stupid snow made his skin crawl. Still, Jason Singer was his client and the lawyer in him didn’t feel comfortable leaving when he knew something might compromise his company even though he knew Singer was in good hands. Also, he knew that his brother might actually glare him to death if he showed up at Christmas, telling him he had a boyfriend that he didn’t even remember to ask if he wanted to come to Boston with him until it was too late.

“You know what would go great with this pizza?” Jessica asked, and Harvey looked right at her before they both answered at the same time: “Scotch.”

“I guess we’re done working for the night then.” Malone said. “I could go for a break right about now.”

Harvey almost couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Jessica was sitting on the couch, her legs crossed with a glass of scotch in his hand. That in itself was nothing unusual. What was definitely weird though was that Louis was sitting next to her, between Jessica and Harvey, while Malone was spinning casually around on Harvey’s chair, with Mike and Katrina sitting on the floor, drinking scotch from coffee cups. Oh, and all of them were a little tipsy at this point. Harvey didn’t even want to think about how much good scotch he was wasting on these people.

“Don’t spill anything on my carpet.” Harvey remarked as Katrina giggled at something Mike had said. “It’ll cost you more than just your Christmas bonus to get that cleaned.”

“Oh!” Katrina said then and looked over at Mike “How much did you get?”

“You’re not supposed to know that.” Mike said back at once as if he was a six year old with a secret. “… But I bet it was more than you.”

Harvey dared to look over at Jessica who raised an eyebrow at him and gestured over to Mike, silently saying ‘really, this is the one you’re going go with?’

Harvey just shrugged. “He’s a lightweight.” He said, even though no one had even commented on it yet.

“Clearly.” Louis answered on a snort as he took in the two idiots that was Mike Ross and Katrina Bennet.

“I’m barely even tipsy.” Mike said, very matter-of-factly as he stared down Louis. It would have been adorable if he hadn’t looked so ridiculous.

“Yeah, that’s what Donna told me you said before you threw up all over my condo.” Harvey said as he brought the glass of scotch to his lips. Everyone else in the room started laughing, but Mike just scowled at him.

“Really?” he asked, because Mike was probably a little pissed that Harvey had embarrassed him in front of his bosses, but really, Harvey was never going to let that one go. “Are you sure you wanna go down that road?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Harvey asked, more intrigued than anything else.

“We lived together for quite some time, Specter, I can dish out some embarrassing stories as well, you know.” Mike said, sounding way too confident for someone who had vomited cocoa puffs in Harvey’s shower.

“Remind me again, how long have you two been married?” Malone asked, and Katrina started laughing again while Louis chuckled.

Mike grinned as he put his empty cup on the table. “I need another drink.”

“Sure, you’re such a fun drunk so it shouldn’t be a problem.” Harvey said sarcastically as he filled up Mike’s cup.

“I _am_ a fun drunk, I’ll have you know.” Mike answered “But I’m not drunk.”

“Right.” Harvey said, and he knew that Mike wasn’t lying. He wasn’t drunk, but it would be a good idea to pace himself, because despite Mike’s own opinion on the matter, he actually was quite the lightweight. “You can’t even drink scotch right.”

Suddenly someone’s phone was ringing and everyone started reaching into their pockets, or looking for their phones, trying to find out which one it was the sound was coming from.

“Mine.” Mike said as he found his phone, and Harvey all but frowned. Mostly because almost everyone Mike knew was in that room with them. Mike read the display on his phone and frowned as he answered. “Hello?”

A moment later, he all but glared at Harvey, and Harvey’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“Yeah, why?” Mike asked into the phone as he glanced around the room as if he was trying to stay low-key, but he was clearly failing. “No, we- I mean, yes, but we’re at work.” He said, and then a moment later: “Yeah, because of the storm… What, no!”

Okay, now Harvey was curious and everyone else seemed to be interested as well. Especially Katrina who kept leaning closer to Mike to hear the conversation on the other end of the call as well.

“I think it’s Donna.” Katrina said, and now Harvey was really curious.

“Yeah, just hang on, talk to him yourself.” Mike said before he leaned over the table and handed the phone to Donna. “She wants to talk to you.”

Harvey took the phone, and since everyone was suddenly so interested in the conversation, he decided to take the call outside and ignored Louis asking Mike what Donna wanted as he walked out of the office. “Yeah, hang on.” He told Donna as he made his way over to the area by the elevators, to make sure no one was overhearing everything. “What’s going on?”

“As I told Mike, I’ve tried getting a hold of you, but I couldn't get through.” Donna said. Harvey frowned and reached into his pocket to find his phone, as he had earlier, but he still couldn’t find it.

“Sorry, I must have left it in Louis’ office or something earlier.” Harvey said “Or it’s on my desk and needs to be charged, I don’t know.”

“Well, I just wanted to know how you and Mike were doing seeing as things were so tense earlier.” Donna said “And I thought I’d gotten my answer when he told me that you were nearby, but then he told me you were at work?”

“Yeah, the snow is out of control.” Harvey said “We’re all stuck here for the night.”

“Wait, you as in?"

Harvey rolled his eyes and looked over his shoulder to make sure no one was secretly listening to his conversation. "Jessica, Malone, Louis, Harvey and Katrina are here, and Mike of course."

"Please take pictures.”

“Never.” Harvey answered. “And as for your question, Mike and I are good.”

“Good-good?”

“Yeah, sure.” Harvey replied with a roll of his eyes, even though he knew that Donna couldn’t see him. “We talked.”

“That’s normally all it takes.” Donna answered. “I’m glad.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to see that.” Harvey answered. “I should probably get back, Mike and Katrina are tipsy.”

“What the hell are you guys doing?”

“Eating pizza and drinking scotch.” Harvey replied, knowing that Donna was probably dying on the inside because she couldn’t be there to see them.

“ _Please_ take pictures.”

“Goodnight, Donna.”

“Pictures!”


	46. Chapter 46

Mike was absolutely exhausted. He had barely slept the last couple of nights, he’d just tossed and turned and wondered about what he was going to do about his relationship with Harvey. Now that was okay, at least for now, and Mike finally felt the lack of sleep start affecting his body.

The problem was that, he was still stuck in the stupid office. It was still snowing heavily outside and it was easy to see, even now that it had gotten dark. Mike had checked the news twice in the past hour and everyone was still advised to stay indoors. It wasn’t as if they could leave even if they wanted to anyway. Harvey and Mike had gone downstairs earlier to see if they could assess just how bad the situation was, and the entrance had been blocked by snow and according to the news, they prioritized getting the snow away from houses and apartment buildings without fire escapes. Sure, if the six of them really needed to get out, they had emergency exits and fire escapes, but it wasn’t exactly a tempting idea.

So, they were stuck in the office for the night and it seemed like everyone else had taken that opportunity to get as much work as possible done. Mike really wished someone would suggest that they’d at least take a nap or something, because whenever he tried to read something his vision just became blurry because he was so tired.

He ventured into Harvey’s office around two o’clock, and Harvey took one look at him before offering him a small smile. “Tired, kid?” he asked.

Mike still hated that nickname.

“Yeah, how come you aren’t?” Mike asked. He knew that Harvey had favored work and other priorities above sleep the last week as well.

“I am, trust me.” Harvey said before shuffling some papers around on his desk. “I’d kill for a good night’s sleep right about now, but I don’t see that happening, so might as well get some work done.”

“If I do any more work now, I’m sure I’m going to make some stupid mistake that’s going to bite me in the ass later.” Mike said before running a hand across his face. “I’m getting a headache.”

“You’re like the associate king of all-nighters.” Harvey answered. “Why is this time any different?”

“I’m usually not this tired.” Mike said “Haven’t slept very well lately.”

He almost regretted saying it. Almost. The look on Harvey’s face told him that it was clear that Harvey knew what he meant.

“Relax, lay down for a bit.” Harvey said and gestured towards the couch. “Everyone is busy doing their own thing. I think Malone and Jessica are the only ones actually working together on the Singer case at the moment.”

“You want me to take a nap in your office while everyone else stays awake working?” Mike asked. “First, thank you, that’s very sweet of you, even though it must mean I look like crap, and second, I can’t do that.”

“Louis went to make some hot chocolate, and the last time I checked in on him, he was playing tic tac toe with Katrina, so I think you’re good.” Harvey said. “And yes, you look like crap.”

“It’ll be weird.” Mike said, even though he kept glancing over at the couch, wanting nothing more than to lie down, knowing that he would probably fall asleep the second he closed his eyes. “You working, and me sleeping.”

“You mean like when you’re watching me sleep?” Harvey asked with an amused smirk, and Mike only glared at him.

“I don’t do that.” Mike said, before quickly adding. “Okay, maybe one time.”

Harvey just continued smirking at him. “Mike, please.” He said “The last thing we need this Christmas, whether I’m in Boston or not, is you winding up in the hospital again.”

“Mmm.” Mike agreed. He could still remember how awful he’d felt that day before passing out, and how horrible it had been after he had woken up. He’d been groggy, nauseous, tired, and faint for days later. Yeah, he didn’t want a repeat of that. “Maybe I’ll just rest my eyes for a minute or two.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Harvey agreed, as he grabbed a file from his desk before he got up from his chair and walked over to Mike. “I’m just going to run these drafts past Jessica.” He said, before he leaned in and kissed Mike softly on the lips, clearly not caring if Louis or anyone else decided to walk in on them again. “Get some rest, I’ll be right back.”

“Mmm.” Mike said, his lips still inches away from Harvey’s. “I guess we’re not as stealth as we thought we were.”

“Maybe not.” Harvey said, his arms still secure around Mike’s waist. “Seriously, get some sleep.”

“Thank you.” Mike answered. “You’re awesome.”

Harvey cocked his head to the side, and Mike knew what he was going to answer before the other man even opened his mouth. “I know.”

Mike knew that Harvey had things to do, and he knew that he should probably catch some sleep now that he had the chance, but he couldn’t help but stand put and fidget with Harvey’s tie, stopping him from going anywhere.

“What’s on your mind?” Harvey asked, as he just let Mike stand there, running his fingertips over Harvey’s tie, staring at it in the process, not even looking up to meet Harvey’s eyes.

“Nothing, really.” Mike said, because it was the truth. He was just tired, sleepy, and he really wished that the two of them were back home at either his or Harvey’s apartment right about now. He wanted to fall asleep tucked against Harvey’s side, or flat against his back, or whatever position involved the two of them in the same bed, where Mike could fall asleep to the sound of Harvey’s breathing. “You should probably get that to Jessica.”

“I probably should.” Harvey answered “But it can wait.”

“No, sorry.” Mike said as he finally tore his eyes away from the tie, wondering why Harvey was still even wearing the damn thing. Mike had gotten rid of his own tie and jacket hours ago, and he had unbuttoned his shirt a bit and rolled up his sleeves. “You go, I’ll nap.”

Harvey looked at him for a moment before leaning in a bit closer to kiss Mike’s forehead. It was strangely comforting and Mike wondered for a moment if Harvey had realized somewhere along the way how much Mike loved it whenever he did that.

“Sleep tight.” He said “I’ll wake you if anything happens.”

“Thanks, Harvey.” Mike answered, and he brushed his fingertips against Harvey’s wrist as he walked past him. “Hey, I love you.”

“You too.”

Mike knew he had been tired, but apparently he had underestimated just how tired he’d actually been, because he couldn’t even remember laying down on the couch before he’d fallen asleep. He dreamt about something involving Harvard, but he couldn’t even recall if it had been a pleasant dream or a nightmare as he felt a strong hand on his shoulder, trying to wake him up.

“Hey.”

Mike slowly opened his eyes, and smiled as he saw Harvey hovering over him. “Hey.” Mike replied, lazily reaching out for Harvey’s arm. “How long was I out?”

“Three hours.” Harvey replied, and Mike’s eyes shot open and he sat up so quickly that he made himself dizzy.

“What?” Mike asked as he rubbed his eyes, trying to wake himself up. “How could you let me sleep for that long?”

“You looked cute.” Was Harvey’s reply and Mike scowled at him, slightly annoyed at Harvey for not waking him up earlier. It wasn’t like Mike was behind on his work, but he felt bad knowing that everyone else, especially Harvey, had stayed up all night while he’d been sleeping.

“You should have woken me up earlier.” Mike said, even though he’d really needed a nap. He still felt groggy, and his vision was slightly blurry, but at least his headache was gone.

“Ungrateful little shit.” Harvey said, but he just sounded amused rather than mad. It almost worried Mike, because he knew that Harvey was usually in a shitty and inpatient mood whenever he was stressed and tired. “You look a lot better.”

“Thanks.” Mike answered as he glanced over at the window. “Still snowing?”

Harvey nodded. “It stopped for an hour or so and then started again, not as heavily though.” He said. “Apparently it should be clearing up soon.”

“Good.” Mike replied. “I mean, I love this place, but I’m seriously missing my bed and a shower right about now.”

“Plus some decent food.” Harvey answered as he got up from where he was sitting on the table in front of Mike. “I was desperate enough to try one of those instant noodle packages.”

“Hey, don’t speak ill of instant noodles.” Mike said as he held a finger up accusingly. “Those things are life-savers; seriously, you’d think you were the one who never finished college.”

Harvey didn’t answer, instead he just shrugged before sitting down at his desk. Mike offered him a smile as he followed him, straightening up the best he could before sitting back down in the chair in front of Harvey.

“Where is everyone?” he asked.

“I have no idea.” Harvey said “We’ve all been doing our own thing. I won’t be surprised if anyone else decided it was a good idea to catch some sleep.”

“Not you though, right?” Mike asked.

“It’s that obvious?” Harvey asked back as he looked down at himself, probably wondering if he looked like crap. Mike almost wanted to smile at that, Harvey could go days without sleep, his hair ruffled and his suits wrinkled, and still look like a million dollars.

“You look as handsome as ever, don’t worry.” Mike answered with a smirk. “Just a guess.”

“I know.” Harvey answered sheepishly. “Things are quieting down outside, I’m guessing the snow should be out of the way soon enough.”

Mike was relieved to hear that. He’d kill for a juicy burger and a decent cup of coffee. Mike noticed Harvey looking at him, as he often did when he tried to get a good read on someone before asking him or her a question.

“What’s on your mind, Specter?” Mike asked, ignoring how hungry he was suddenly feeling.

“I haven’t heard anything about my flight getting cancelled yet.” Harvey answered, as if he was expecting Mike to figure out what he meant by that. Luckily, for Harvey, Mike was pretty smart.

“Good, hope you haven’t called Marcus with any bad news yet.” Mike answered as he leaned back in his chair, stretching his legs.

Harvey shook his head. “No, but he texted me asking about the snow, apparently he’d seen it on the news.”

“What did you answer?”

“Told him I didn’t know what was happening yet, and that I’d call him tonight.” Harvey said, as he too leaned back in his own chair.

“Hmm.” Mike hummed. “Forgive me if I’m wrong, but it seems like there’s something else you want to say?”

Harvey let out a breath, and for the first time, Mike could see clearly how tired Harvey actually looked. Mike felt bad for him and if they didn’t get out of there soon, Mike would hit Harvey over the head just so the man would get some rest.

“I’m conflicted.” He said.

Mike smiled, as Harvey once again, didn’t share the whole story. “I know.” He answered. “You don’t have to be.”

“Don’t I?” Harvey asked, as he sighed heavily before running his hands over his face.

“You made plans with Marcus; you can’t just ditch him on Christmas if you have an opportunity to go.” Mike answered, and he offered Harvey a smile, letting him know that he really meant it. Sure, he really wished that Harvey had thought about them before making those plans, but now that ship had sailed and Mike was prepared to spend Christmas going over the Singer case and eating take-out. It wasn’t all bad, it seemed like Louis might be staying too, maybe they’d hang out. He almost laughed a the thought. A year ago, hell, even a couple of months ago, the thought of spending Christmas with Louis Litt would have made his skin crawl.

“The alternative is ditching you for Christmas.” Harvey said “I can’t believe I screwed up-“

“Hey, we’ve talked about this.” Mike answered as he got up from his seat and walked over to Harvey, leaning against his desk. He reached out and squeezed Harvey’s shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.”

“No, it’s not.” Harvey answered as he turned his head to face Mike. “I might not be the best at relationships, but even I know that missing once first Christmas together as a couple is something that’s going to bite you in the ass later.”

Mike was about to protest, but instead he cocked his head to the side and thought about it. He’d been in his fair share of relationship, and most of them hadn’t ended very well. Mike was well aware of how such things could come back and haunt you at the worst possible times. Still, they had talked about this and Mike was surprisingly okay with spending his Christmas working now that he knew that Harvey at least _wanted_ to spend the holidays with him, there was no blame to be tossed around and Mike honestly believed that it would be okay. Maybe he was just being naïve.

“Okay, then.” Mike said as he crossed his arms over his chest and looked Harvey in the eye. “Let’s really talk about this then, okay?”

“Okay.” Harvey answered and now he seemed genuinely interested in what Mike had to say. Mike wasn’t and idiot and he knew that if he approached Harvey as if he was a client making a proposal, then it would be easier for Mike to tell Harvey what he needed to say and for Harvey to actually listen to him.

“I think we can agree that there’s no way that you’re going to stand up Marcus, right?” Mike asked, but he didn’t expect Harvey to actually answer. Mike felt bad for the guilt in Harvey’s eyes, but to be perfectly honest, he had kind of brought it on himself. Now they just needed to find a solution that would make everyone happy. Mike was almost impressed by his own maturity. “And I’ve already told Jessica that I’m staying here.”

“But-“

“Let me finish.” Mike said with a smile, and Harvey cocked his eyebrows at him. “It’ll be impossible for me to get a ticket now, Christmas Eve is on Wednesday, Harvey.” He continued. “And it’ll be even more difficult for Marcus to get a ticket to New York, and the roads will probably be complete chaos for _days._ ”

“I get what you’re saying.” Harvey answered as he reached out and put his hand on Mike’s hip. “There’s still a chance my flight will get cancelled though.”

“I know.” Mike replied with a small smile. “If it does, you’ll just have to Skype your brother instead.”

That actually caused Harvey to smile.

“So…”

“So…?”

“We’ll be apart this Christmas… Most likely.”

Mike hummed in answer as he leaned in closer to the warmth of Harvey’s hand on his lip. “But you’ll be back for New Year’s?”

“Yeah, of course.” Harvey answered. “I’ll be back next weekend.”

“It’ll be fine, Harvey.” Mike said as he grabbed the hand on his hip and yanked it, causing Harvey to get up from his chair and standing right in front of Mike.

“Don’t say that unless you mean it.”

“Of course I mean it.” Mike said as he leaned in even closer and pressing a chaste, but firm kiss to Harvey’s lips. “I have no intentions of letting you go, even if you are a little messed up.”

“Says you.”

“Says me.” Mike said before kissing him again, sneaking a hand around Harvey’s waist, pulling him impossibly closing.

“Oh, for god’s sake! You couldn’t even close the door?”

Both Mike and Harvey were laughing uncontrollably as they turned around and apologized to Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not watched season 5 yet and probably won't until i'm finished with this story, so please no spoilers :)


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actual smut in this chapter!

_December 1988_

When Mike was seven years old, he wanted a new bike for Christmas. Money had been tight, but Mike hadn’t known that at the time so he had talked about the bike non-stop to his parents. His father had told him that it was too cold to ride a bike and that he’d probably grow a lot by summer, so Mike would need another bike anyway. On Christmas morning, after opening all his other presents, and thanking his parents politely with a fake smile, the two of them had shared a knowing look before Mike had headed upstairs to his room where a brand new bike was waiting for him.

_December 1992_

It wasn’t until he was eleven that he realized how much that gift had been worth, and not just financially. It had been his first Christmas without his parents. Mike could still remember how utterly devastated he had felt, sad and confused, still wishing deep inside that he would run into his parents’ bedroom on Christmas morning and they would be there, telling him sleepily that they wanted to sleep for a few more minutes.

Mike hadn’t even gone into the room that morning, because he knew that his parents wouldn’t be there, but the confirmation would have been too much to handle. His grandmother had tried her best, but Mike had just been too young and wrapped up in his own grief of losing his parents, that he didn’t realize that his grandmother had lost her child.

_December 1996_

When he was fifteen, Mike had wanted a record player for Christmas, because Tess had one and it was so cool and he was so jealous. The difference was that he never said it out loud, because now he was old enough to see that his grandmother couldn’t afford one and he didn’t want her to feel guilty because of it. Delivering papers on the weekends didn’t pay a lot of money, and Mike gave most of it to his grandmother on every payday so they could pay the bills. He didn’t get the record player, instead he got his first kiss from Tess underneath a mistletoe that his grandmother had hung up when Tess came to bring him his present. Mike couldn’t even remember what his grandmother had gotten him.

_December 1997_

For Christmas when he’d been sixteen, Mike had wanted the exact same thing he wished for on his Birthday. A car. Well, a car and a driving license. Tess got her car on her sixteenth birthday, even Trevor had gotten a car by the end of the year. Mike barely knew how to put a car into gear. It wasn’t a big deal really. He didn’t really need a car, even then the public transportation in the city had a broad and good offer, but it was just something about the symbolism of it all. That year, his grandmother got him the record player he had wanted the previous year and Mike had almost cried.

_December 2004_

When Mike was twenty-three he’d wished for a better way to pay for his grandmother’s medical bills and a way for her to live her life more fully. He’d wished for a second chance at life while wasting away the one he already had. He had cut his visit at his grandmother short, to go to a stupid party with Trevor.

_December 2014_

Ten years later, Mike was thirty-four. He’d been through more than his seven year old self ever could have imagined. The bike was gone, Tess was gone, Trevor was gone, his grandmother was gone, the record player had disappeared somewhere along the way, as well as the need for Mike to wish for things instead of actually doing something to get them. He’d loved and lost, and loved again. He’d gained new friends and a job that he loved. Mike finally had everything he wanted, for Christmas and otherwise. Great job, fantastic friends, an amazing apartment and a wonderful, yet slightly idiotic boyfriend. Still, Mike was only human and even though he had everything he wanted, he still wished for certain things. Mostly, he wished that he wasn’t a fraud.

Mike shook the thoughts away before getting up from his seat by the kitchen table, where printed documents and copied files were scattered all over. At least he was good at the job he was pretending to have a degree for.

Mike had seen Harvey off that morning and it hadn’t been as sad as he’d thought it would be. Harvey had asked him about a million times if he was absolutely sure that it was okay if he left, all while trying to play it cool, because he was still Harvey Specter after all. Mike knew that there was no way for him to get a ticket to Boston, especially since the planes during the weekend had been cancelled and a lot of passengers were still desperately trying to get home for Christmas, and the roads were awful. Harvey had been standing in the hallway of his apartment, suitcase in hand and kissed Mike goodbye. Mike hadn’t really approved of that goodbye though, and instead he had deepened the kiss and within moments he was dragging Harvey back into the bedroom while Harvey muttered between kisses that he was going to be late for his plane. Mike hadn’t really cared about that either, and that might have been slightly selfish, but they had both been so exhausted after getting back from the office and they’d both fell into bed and slept until Harvey’s alarm had gone off and Mike was not letting Harvey fly out to Boston for Christmas without giving Harvey a proper goodbye. It had been fun, not sad at all.

There was a beep from his computer, and Mike went to get a beer from the fridge before sitting back down. Just as he did so though, his phone rang. Mike was sure it was Louis who was going to get back to him regarding getting together the next day to go over all their work so far while grabbing a bite to eat, instead he was pleasantly surprised when he saw Harvey’s name pop up on his screen.

He answered it at once. “Hey, how’s Boston treating you?”

“Mike!”

Mike frowned.

“Yes?”

“I’m Marcus!”

Mike just gaped, because of two apparent reasons. One, Marcus, the one person that Harvey cared about more than anyone, was calling him, two, he was obviously very drunk. Mike wasn’t sure how he could possibly make a good first impression on this point.

“Hi, is Harvey okay?” Mike asked, because the thought did cross his mind that something might have happened since Marcus was calling him, but his boyfriend’s brother sounded way too happy for that.

“Yeah, yeah.” Marcus said, and Mike could almost _hear_ him stumbling around. There were other voices and background noise as well, so Mike figured they had gone out. “Sorry, I’m drunk.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” Mike said.

“Because you’re smart.” Marcus replied, his words slightly slurred. “Harvey said you were.”

“Thanks, I think.” Mike answered as he opened the e-mail from Jessica, reading through it while trying to hear what Marcus was saying through the noise. “

“He’s stupid too though.” Marcus said “Not asking his boyfriend for Christmas. What a dickhead.”

Mike almost snorted at that, if it wasn’t for the fact that Marcus had just referred to him as Harvey’s boyfriend. Mike had already told Marcus, and apparently told him about the fiasco that was the two of them planning Christmas as well.

“It’s okay, really.” Mike said “Kind of my fault as well.”

“Protective, good.” Marcus said, and then Mike heard him mutter something about a cocktail to someone nearby, before refocusing his attention to Mike. “Where was I? Oh yeah, protective. Harv needs someone like that, protecting him for once, protecting each other, right? It’s all good.” He continued. “Gooood.”

Mike laughed, but the words actually made sense. Yes, Mike would protect Harvey with everything he had, everything he was, just as Harvey was with him. There was one thing he could never protect him from though. The secret.

Mike swallowed. “Yeah, he deserves everything.” He said.

“You better know it, and- oh, hi man, I was just-“

Mike actually recognized the other drunken voice in the background then and his lips curved up in a smile.

“Mike?”

“Hey, handsome.” Mike answered, the grin not leaving his lips as he heard Harvey yell something like ‘asshole’ to his brother. “Don’t be too harsh on him, he’s only looking out for you.”

Harvey scoffed, clearly annoyed, and clearly drunk. “Sorry, Katie insisted to watch the kids while we went out for a night- hey, go inside, Marcus, it’s cold, ow, what the- stupid rock.”

Mike could just imagine Harvey drunkenly stumble around Boston, like he probably had back when he went to Harvard. “You okay?”

“Fine.” Harvey mumbled. “I texted you when I got off the plane.”

“I know, I answered.” Mike replied as he closed the computer, deciding to call it a night. He went into his bedroom and slumped down on his bed. Who needed a TV when you had a drunk boyfriend on the line?

“Oh yeah, I forgot.” Harvey said then. “What are you doing?”

“Not much right now, been working, hey I found this-“

“You should be here.” Harvey said, not letting Mike finish his sentence. Mike sighed heavily as he started fiddling with the corner of one of the decorative pillows that Donna had picked out for him.

“Next time.” Mike answered with a smile. Sure, he’d love to be there, but there was nothing to be done and he didn’t really want to think about it. He just wanted to focus on the good things.

“Next time.” Harvey repeated. “Does that mean you plan on sticking around?”

He was drunk, maybe a little too drunk. The question was stupid, of course Mike was planning on sticking around, and Harvey knew that. Also, Harvey sounded weirdly vulnerable.

“Definitely.” Mike replied at once.

“Good.”

“Good.”

Mike smiled to himself as he turned on the TV, but turned off the volume before he absentmindedly started flicking through the channels. “Harvey, are you okay?” Mike asked.

“I miss you.”

Mike smiled again, because yes, Harvey _was_ weirdly vulnerable. It occurred to Mike that he had actually never seen Harvey as drunk as he clearly was at the moment. He was kind of jealous of Marcus who got to witness it, and not just hear about it over the phone.

“You too, Harvey.” Mike said honestly. “But you’re having fun?”

Harvey let out a low chuckle, but it sounded earnest which made Mike happy. He almost wanted to make a joke about if Harvey was going to ditch him for Christmas, it better be worth it, but he figured that Harvey was too drunk to get the joke and probably end up feeling guilty instead. “Super fun.”

“Did you just say ‘super fun’?”

“No.” Harvey answered innocently. “How’s work going?”

“You are on vacation.” Mike said stubbornly. “Don’t worry about work, we’ve got it handled.”

“Are you and Louis getting together for Christmas?” Harvey asked, and Mike actually had to laugh at how pathetic Harvey sounded. As if he was actually upset with the thought of his boyfriend spending Christmas with Louis Litt.

Mike took a deep breath, not really sure how to answer the question without worrying Harvey. “I’m not sure.” He said “I think he and Jessica were talking about having dinner, I think, not sure if I wanna crash that party.”

“I’ll talk to her.”

“Like hell you will.” Mike insisted. “Nothing is planned yet, I’m seeing Louis tomorrow, and you are too drunk for us to be having this conversation.” He continued. “You should get some coffee.”

“Probably.” Harvey answered, and Mike was actually surprised that Harvey was willing to give up the discussion that easily. He wondered if Harvey was less competitive when he was drunk, than when he was high. “And I should see where Marcus ran off too.”

“Probably.” Mike repeated, and tried his best to imagine a drunken Harvey roaming around for his equally drunk little brother. “We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Have fun, Harvey.” Mike insisted. “Oh, and be safe.”

“Always am.” Harvey replied, almost cockily. Mike shook his head in disbelief.

“Yeah, I’ll just pretend to agree with you on that one.” Mike said. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Harvey answered at once.

_Christmas Eve 2014_

Whether it was in Boston or in New York, Marcus and Harvey always spent Christmas together. Back when their dad was still alive, Harvey often found himself working or having other plans during Christmas, even though he always made an effort to see his father and his brother during the holidays. After their father passed away though, Harvey had never spent a Christmas without his brother. He loved that whatever happened in both of their lives, no matter how busy they got, they always saw each other that one time a year, it was a constant thing that Harvey wouldn’t change for the world.

It was great seeing his brother and catching up on everything face to face and actually seeing with his own two eyes that things were going great for him. Katie was amazing, and Harvey couldn’t believe that his brother still hadn’t asked her to marry him even though they had two kids together. Marcus always said that it wasn’t the right time, which Harvey just couldn’t understand because even though he wasn’t that big of a marriage fan, it was obviously that the two of them were insanely in love.

The kids grew way too fast for Harvey’s liking, and the fact that he saw them so rarely often bothered him. Still, they called him ‘uncle’ and always recognized him whenever he came by. Stella would run into his arms, and Jake, would follow after her as fast as his little legs could carry him. Stella had learned in a young age that when Uncle Harvey came to visit, it often meant expensive presents.

Harvey had never really imagined himself having a family of his own, although he enjoyed visiting Marcus, Katie and the kids. His career had always been a priority for him, and even though he hadn’t actively been avoiding the aspect of marriage and children, he’d never imagined that life for himself either.

Still, seeing Stella playing with her little brother while Marcus and Harvey were setting the table for dinner, made his heart ache in a good way. Katie was singing Christmas carols in the kitchen, and Marcus made a remark about her horrible voice, which made Stella laugh.

“Don’t tell your mom I said that.” Marcus told his daughter, who just grinned at him.

“I heard you!” Katie chimed from the Christmas. “Oh, and tell your brother to call his boyfriend before dinner or I will!”

Harvey cocked his head to the side and glared at Marcus, who just laughed as he held his hands up in defeat.

“Harvey!” Katie said as her face popped up in the doorway to the kitchen.

“I’m getting my phone!” Harvey answered, and that woman had the same effect on him that Donna had whenever she wanted something.

He’d texted Mike every morning and they had talked on the phone every night before going to bed. His boyfriend seemed to be doing okay, and Harvey was grateful that Louis had stayed in the city as well, so Mike wouldn’t work his ass off, but actually take some time to relax as well. It was the holidays after all, and if Jessica wasn’t giving Mike another Christmas bonus, Harvey would.

Harvey found his phone, and put on his shoes and a jacket before he headed outside. Some fresh air would do him good before dinner anyway.

“Hey, handsome.”

Harvey smiled from the nickname, even though he had no idea when and how Mike had come up with it. Still, he liked it.

“Hey, rookie.” Harvey answered, even though he knew Mike kind of hated his own nickname, Harvey also knew that a part of him kind of liked it. “What are you up to?”

“I’m making dinner.” Mike said.

“Really?” Harvey asked. “Good, I was afraid you’d order take-out on Christmas Eve.”

“You told me not to!” Mike answered and Harvey was about to praise him on that until he heard the sound of the microwave in the background. “Did you-

“Hear the microwave?” Harvey finished “Yeah.”

“In my defense, it’s not a TV-dinner.” Mike said “I’m just reheating some leftovers from yesterday.”

Harvey let out a sigh. “That’s depressing.” He said.

“No, it’s not.” Mike answered, and Harvey could hear the clinking of plates in the background. “It would be a lot more depressing if I tried to make a fancy meal and burned down the apartment.”

“I can’t argue with that one.” Harvey said before pinching the bridge of his nose. “Mike, I know that you’ve said it’s okay, but-“

“It _is_ okay.” Mike assured him. Truth be told though, it didn’t really matter what Mike said at this point. Harvey loved seeing his family, but Mike was his family too, and he shouldn’t shake the feeling that he had screwed up and that Mike would eventually grew tired of Harvey’s shit and break up with him. His chest tightened uncomfortably at the thought.

“Remember when you were going to find out if Louis wanted you gone or not?” Harvey managed to ask.

There was a pause before Mike answered “Yeah, of course, why?”

“I told you that you’d never have to do anything alone again.” Harvey said, and he suddenly noticed that he’d been pacing back and forth out on the porch. “You’re alone at Christmas.”

“Harvey, don’t do that to yourself.” Mike said, but it was too late. “I promise you that this is going to be okay, but it’s kind of hard to think so when you don’t.”

“I just want us to be… Okay.”

“We are.” Mike answered at once, which made Harvey feel slightly better. “You go and have dinner with Marcus, and say hi to everyone from me, have _fun,_ Harvey.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I am going to eat my dinner, then watch all three Santa Claus movies.” Mike replied, almost happily.

“I thought Charlie Brown was your thing.” Harvey said, as he could recall Mike mentioning something like that once.

“That’s on Christmas Morning, Harvey.” Mike said “But I’m glad you’re paying attention.”

“I try.” Harvey said.

“Seriously, I’m good.” Mike said “We’ll talk more later, okay?”

“I love you.” Harvey said, not wanting to say goodbye.

“Love you too.” Mike said “Bye.”

Harvey hung up. Fuck, he was in such deep shit. If he knew that being in love would be such a hassle, then he would have tried much harder to avoid it. Who was he kidding? That wasn’t true either, Harvey wouldn’t trade being with Mike for anything. Even though he was pretty much in a constant state of anxiety whenever they had a falling out, or whenever he got insecure or jealous, Mike still made him so happy. It wasn’t just that happy feeling he got when he won a big case, or the one he’d felt when Marcus had announced he was going to be uncle to a little boy as well, it was that happiness that lasted, the one that people talked about when they were in love which Harvey had never really understood. Until now.

Harvey made his way back inside and Katie and Marcus only exchanged one look with each other before they gestured for him to sit down.

“What?” Harvey asked, since they looked at him as if he had just started growing horns.

“Eat, then we’ll talk.” Katie said.

Harvey was almost worried.

_Christmas morning 2014_

Mike might have gone a little overboard with the cheesy decorations. He hadn’t really thought about while decorating, or when there had been documents, files and legal books scattered everywhere, but now that Mike had cleaned up, he couldn’t see past all the red, green and gold. Rachel would have hated it. Mike smiled, Harvey probably would have hated it as well. His boyfriend didn’t even have a Christmas Tree, but Mike couldn’t really blame him for that since he hadn’t planned on staying there for Christmas.

Mike sighed heavily, as he stood in the middle of his living room and stared at the dancing Santa in his window. He groaned. Suddenly it was very obvious that it was Christmas and he was all alone. He had reassured Harvey that he was okay, and he honestly was, it just kind of sucked a little bit more than expected.

Mike pushed the thoughts away, and decided to make it a good morning nonetheless. He decided to stay in his sweatpants, before he found his Charlie Brown DVD, and made a cup of hot chocolate. Some things never changed.

Towards the end of the movie, Mike actually did feel a lot better, and he was so caught up in what was happening on screen that he almost jumped out of his own skin when the doorbell rang. Mike groaned out loud, hoping it wasn’t his neighbor. He took a deep breath and got up from the door as he paused the DVD, before he headed over to the door.

The sight that greeted him on the other side, was better than any present Mike could have wished for.

“Hi, did I miss Charlie Brown?”

Mike just stared at him.

“Are you having a stroke?”

“What are you doing here?” Mike finally managed to ask, as he resisted the urge to pinch his own arm.

Harvey just smirked at him. “Well, I’ve been driving for over five hours, so maybe you could ask me inside before we go over the details?”

Even though Mike knew that it was probably true, he wouldn’t have guessed it. Harvey looked more rested than he had in a long time.

“Yeah, of course, sure, yes.” Mike mumbled as he stepped aside and let his boyfriend inside. When he was finally able to draw a breath, Harvey was right there in his face, smiling at him. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Harvey answered.

“So, now we can talk, what are you-“

Harvey shook his head, almost desperately. “We can talk afterwards.”

“After wha-“ Mike was cut off by Harvey’s lips on his, and really, he should have known. The kiss started out as a gentle and quiet kiss, only their lips touching for the longest time. Then Harvey’s tongue was begging for entrance and Mike moaned into the kiss. Harvey’s arms sneaks around his waist, almost too slowly, but Mike wasn’t having any of that, and since they both knew where this were leading, Mike grabbed Harvey’s coat and pulled it off in one swift mood. Harvey caught on quickly, and kicked off his shoes, and suddenly neither of them were moving very slowly anymore.

Harvey unbuttoned his own shirt, while Mike unbuckled his belt, their mouths still clashed together, tongues exploring. Mike sneaked a clever hand into Harvey’s pants and it was Harvey’s turn to moan. They stumbled into Mike’s bedroom, and Mike laughed as Harvey commented something about the awful decorations everywhere. Mike pulled his own t-shirt over his head and tossed it across the room.” Shut up and take off your pants.”

Harvey grinned hugely before doing exactly what he was told. For once. Mike pushed him onto the bed, and Harvey actually cocked an eyebrow at him. Mike didn’t care though, he was practically aching to feel Harvey against him again, so he just straddled his hips and kissed him again.

“Missed you.” He breathed against Harvey’s lips, not really caring that he still didn’t know why Harvey was there.

“You too.” Harvey breathed back, as Mike started kissing his way down Harvey’s neck, towards his chest. “Shit, kid, you have no idea.”

“I think I do.” Mike answered, as he licked a stripe from Harvey’s chest all the way down to the waistband of his boxers.

“Fuck.” Harvey moaned, and Mike would never get tired of that. It didn’t matter how often they disagreed, or how many times they fought, because now that Mike knew how to make Harvey a mess underneath him, he couldn’t live without it. The smell, the taste, the feel of Harvey Specter was intoxicating. How he could be so in control in a courtroom, but let himself go completely in Mike’s arms. Mike groaned against Harvey’s skin just thinking about it. “Mike.”

It was almost a threat, almost, and Mike couldn’t help but look up to grin at him.

“Yeah?”

“If you don’t get a move on, I will.” He said, and Mike didn’t even know what he meant by that, but he got the hint that he should hurry things along. Mike got Harvey’s underwear off, and he pressed a soft kiss on the inside of Harvey’s thigh.

Mike looked up at Harvey for a moment before he moved the hand that was currently on Harvey’s hip, around his thigh and settled against his ass. Harvey let out a soft sigh, probably knowing what Mike was about to ask. “Will you let me?” Mike asked.

Harvey nodded. “Yeah, just hurry the fuck up already.”

Such a romantic, but Mike was quick to oblige anyway. He still took his sweet time to make sure Harvey was comfortable, but he tried to keep the teasing to a minimal since they were both so close already. “Fuck, I love you.” Mike moaned against Harvey’s skin, as he _finally_ puts Harvey’s legs over his own shoulders and buries himself inside of his boyfriend. Harvey just let out a deep breath, probably trying to relax, as Mike rested his forehead against Harvey’s. “Fuck.” He said again, a little louder.

“Mike, move.”

It was a command, not a request, and Mike almost came from the tone of Harvey’s voice. It was hard and fast, and very different from the few other times they had been together like that, with Harvey shuddering underneath him. Mike could taste on Harvey’s tongue how much he’d missed him. It was perfect, absolutely perfect, and between the soft moans escaping his own lips, and the groans Harvey let out whenever he hit that spot perfectly, Mike actually thought he might have died and gone to heaven. When the hell did he become so lucky?

“Love you.” Harvey said against his lips afterwards, when they were both sated and the sweat was starting to cool on their bodies.

“You too, Harvey.” Mike answered, before settling against Harvey’s side. “Shit.”

Harvey chuckled at that.

“Harvey.” Mike said, as if he couldn’t believe the man was actually there. “Why are you here?”

“Because you are.”

“What about Marcus?” Mike asked.

“They borrowed me Katie’s car.” Harvey replied, as if that was answer enough. In a way, it was. Mike honestly couldn’t believe that the same Harvey Specter who had all but forgotten to ask Mike what he was doing for Christmas, had been driving since the crack of dawn to spend Christmas day with him. Things would never get boring between them, that was for damn sure.

“You’re amazing.” Mike said, his voice was so low that it was almost a whisper. “Thank you.”

Harvey smiled. “You’re welcome.” He said “So, did I miss it?”

“What?”

“Charlie Brown.”

Mike just looked at him for a moment before a smile spread across his face. He shook his head. “No.”

Harvey grinned back. “Liar.”

“It’s okay.” Mike said before kissing Harvey softly again. “I don’t mind watching it again.”


	48. chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everybody! Sorry for the late updates. I am going on vacation tomorrow so I won't be able to post anything next Monday either.   
> On other notes, I fixed the little error with the dates in the last chapters. We are still in 2014, since time is a very weird concept on Suits and I don't think it's gone more than a couple of years since the show started.. Well, here's New Year's.

_New Years Eve 2014_

Mike thought he had spent New Year’s in any way possible. When he was younger, he obviously spent it with his family. As he grew older, he would hang out with Trevor and possibly Tess, but he always went home at the end of the night to check on his grandmother. After Grammy moved to the nursing home, Mike rarely even knew where he woke up on New Year’s day. It could be on Trevor’s coach, a stranger’s hallway or a balcony in Manhattan. Really, Mike had experienced it all.

At least he thought he had.

Harvey had casually mentioned over breakfast a couple of days after Christmas that he was expected to be attending a New Year’s party along with Jessica and Louis, as well as some other partners at the firm. Mike’s eyes had lit up at that, and Harvey had smirked, knowing very well that Mike was just dying to tag along. “We could always stay in, you know, watch the ball drop on TV.” He said, pretending to play it cool. Mike had glared at him. “Unless you want to come with?”

That had been that.

Mike had to trade in his jeans and dress jacket for a tuxedo, and the beer for glasses of expensive champagne. It was almost funny when he thought about it, almost a metaphor showing who he’d been and how far he had gotten.

It was extravagant, to say the least. Mike had expected it to be similar to the party the firm had thrown back when Harvey was trying to get Darby out of the picture. He couldn’t have been more wrong.

It had started out like that, everyone was dressed to impress, people were shaking hands and talking business like it was a competition. Jessica had asked Harvey to talk to a couple of guys from an advertisement company who had just fired their own legal counsel, and Louis were somewhere with Katrina chatting up some big-shot from Wall Street. There was a time when Mike never thought he’d feel that way again, but he couldn’t be happier when he saw Rachel’s face in the crowd.

He caught her eye across the room, and she looked genuinely surprised to see him. Mike almost frowned when he noticed how she nervously faked a smile at him before making her way towards him.

“Hey.” She said. “You look nice.”

Mike smiled at her. “Thanks.” He said “Not to be rude or anything, but I didn’t expect to see you here?”

It was true. As far as Mike could see, he and Katrina were the only associates there, and that was only because Louis and Harvey had invited them. Maybe she was there with her father, who Mike had actively trying to avoid.

“I was about to say the same thing to you, but I should have known considering-“ she said and discreetly gestured towards Harvey was laughing alongside the potential new clients.

“Yeah.” Mike said “Thought I’d gotten a hang on this, but I still feel a little bit out of place.”

Rachel offered him a smile and nodded. “Well, I can’t tell if that’s any comfort.” She said before biting her bottom lip again.

“Okay, spit it out.” Mike said.

“What?”

“You’re doing that thing with your lip.” Mike said and pointed towards Rachel’s face, almost mockingly. “The way you only do when you’re nervous about telling me something.”

Rachel sighed heavily. “I was invited.”

“Okay, I kind of figured that.” Mike replied. “Who-“

“Logan.” Rachel said then as if she had just dropped the biggest bomb ever. In a way, it kind of felt like that as well. Mike didn’t even know what to say, so he just stood there, staring at an obviously stressed out Rachel. Mike tried to think it through, tried to reason with himself saying that they had broken up, he was happy with Harvey, and it didn’t really matter if Rachel was seeing someone. He tried to think of all that, he really did. Except that it was Logan fucking Sanders.

“Great.” Mike said through gritted teeth.

“Mike, when he invited me I didn’t really think that it would be _this_ party.” Rachel said and gestured around herself. “And honestly, I didn’t think you’d mind seeing as you are with Harvey.”

“I don’t mind that you’re seeing someone, Rachel.” Mike replied “I wanted you to move on, I just wish you had the curtesy to tell me like I told you, especially since it’s _him_.”

“I haven’t even…” Rachel said, and Mike almost felt bad for her as he could see how she struggled to find the words, obviously feeling bad about the whole situation. “We’ve just been talking, and he asked me to this party and…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Rachel.” Mike said, but it was mostly because he didn’t want or need to hear it. “Besides, you’re date is here.” He continued before pointing towards the entrance. Logan caught his eyes immediately and scowled at him, and Mike glared right back, but gave him a nod out of politeness anyway.

“Mike, I-“

“Really, Rachel.” Mike said “Let’s not do this now.”

“Okay.” She said then. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah.” Mike answered, and Rachel gave him one last look before she went over and greeted Logan. Mike couldn’t help but stare at him, as Logan kissed Rachel’s cheek. So much for a quiet and sophisticated party.

Mike needed another drink.

Harvey found him near the bar not long after that, a giant grin on his face. “Guess who just proved himself as the best closer in Manhattan, once again.” Harvey said as he asked the bartender for a scotch.

Mike faked a smile at him. “That’s great, Harvey.” He said

“What’s wrong?” Harvey asked “Please don’t tell me someone figured out you’re secret, I wasn’t even gone for an hour.”

Mike actually chuckled at that, which seemed to take some of the worry away from Harvey’s face. He shrugged and leaned in a little closer to Harvey, it was discreet, but Harvey seemed to get the picture. “Logan Sanders is here.”

Harvey looked surprised for just a second, before he sighed heavily. “Yeah, I’m not surprised, probably should have given you a head’s up, just don’t go and start any fights, okay?”

“He’s here with Rachel.” Mike said, and he couldn’t help but sound like a small child who didn’t get what he wanted. Harvey looked like he didn’t even know how to respond to that, and Mike felt bad for a moment for even bringing it up. “I was just kind of surprised, felt like an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot.” Harvey said “Besides, you’re date is ten times as hot as hers anyway.”

Mike let out another chuckle. “Yeah, but no one knows you’re my date. I look like a stray associate.”

Harvey cocked his head to the side for a moment before leaning in and kissing Mike firmly on the lips, taking Mike completely by surprise. He barely even had time to respond before Harvey pulled away again with a smirk on his lips.

“Harvey.” Mike said as he looked around on reflex to see if anyone had noticed them. Barely anyone had seen them, and those who had didn’t seem to mind. Maybe Mike was just paranoid.

“What?”

“That wasn’t very discreet.” Mike said.

“I don’t care.” Harvey said as he rested his arm alongside Mike’s on top of the bar, fiddling slightly with the sleeve of Mike’s jacket. “Do you still have feelings for Rachel?”

Mike shook his head, almost surprised at himself for responding so fast. “No.” He said “I just wish it wasn’t Logan, but I guess there was a reason she cheated with him.”

Harvey nodded as he started stroking the back of Mike’s hand with his thumb. “Because I’m in this, Mike.” He said “You and me.”

“I know.” Mike answered, and he believed it, no doubt in his mind. He would be lying if he said that he’d always been so sure of them, but after what Harvey had done Christmas day, Mike knew it was true. “Me too.”

“Good.” Harvey answered. “I don’t give a shit what these people think, because I want to be with you and people are going to find out sooner or later anyway.”

Mike couldn’t help but smile at that, but he had to give himself a reality check. “It could have consequences you know.”

“I’m well aware.” Harvey said. “I’m a big boy, Mike. I can take care of myself.”

“Okay.” Mike nodded. “Okay.”

“Besides.” Harvey said, while cocking his head to the side, a smirk on his face. “Things might get a little awkward around midnight, since half of the people here wants to kiss me.”

After that, Mike’s night took a turn for the better. Actually, it wasn’t that far off from the New Years’ Eve parties he was used to. Apparently, it didn’t matter if you were a socialite on the Upper East Side, or a kid from Brooklyn who came from nothing, because once you got enough alcohol in your system during a New Year’s party, all bets were off. The business conversation turned to jokes and laughs, and the slow swaying turned to actual dancing. Finally, Mike felt like he fit in. He could talk business with the sober ones, and drink with the drunk ones.

Harvey seemed to notice Mike’s mood brighten as well, and even though Mike couldn’t be stuck to his side all the time, Mike didn’t mind mingling alone. He would clink his glass with potential clients, or hang out with an equally tipsy Katrina. Sure, he still desperately tried to ignore all the Zane’s in the room, as well as Logan Sanders, but in the end, it wasn’t that hard. There were a lot of people there, and he’d barely seen Rachel all night. Once during the night though, Mike glanced over from where he was chatting with Louis and noticed Robert Zane shaking hands with Logan, while Rachel was smiling next to him.

“You alright?” Louis asked discreetly as he handed him another glass of champagne from a waitress passing by.

“I’m fine.” Mike answered, thankful for the champagne. “It really shouldn’t bother me.”

Louis shrugged. “Just don’t let it get to you.”

Mike nodded. Louis probably didn’t even know about Rachel cheating on Mike with Logan, and thought Rachel had just moved on. A part of Mike wanted to tell him, even if it was just for sympathy or advice, but he kept his mouth shut. There was no use in bringing up the past like that, besides, what had happened was none of Louis’ business. It was still between him and Rachel. Mike almost sighed, but was able to fight it.

“I won’t.” Mike said, thankful that Louis wasn’t telling him to get his act together and shut up, because he was with Harvey and Rachel had the right to be with whoever she wanted as well. Because to Louis, that was the whole story. “I need another drink.”

Louis furrowed his eyebrows and pointed to the glass already in Mike’s hand. Mike glanced at it once before downing the whole thing, and holding it up again to prove his point.

“Okay, then.” Louis answered. “Another drink it is.”

The closer to midnight it got, the less people cared about clients, finance or making contacts, and instead focused their attention on booze, dancing and finding someone to take home for the night. If it wasn’t for the beautiful ballroom, Saint Laurent shoes and Ralph Lauren suits, Mike could have sworn he was back in college.

“Fantastic, isn’t it?” Harvey asked as he crept up next to Mike, nearly making him jump out of his skin. “Jumpy?”

“A little too drunk.” Mike said with a smile. “What’s fantastic?”

“A lot of these people are worth millions.” Harvey said as he discreetly pointed around the room. “High profile. Still, as midnight approaches, all of their senses and composure is just thrown out of the window.”

“Magical.” Mike answered with a huge grin. “Doesn’t really matter, rich or poor, come New Year’s, everyone just wants to go to an awesome party.”

“Jessica told me you impressed Allison Evans.” Harvey said.

“I have my moments.” Mike answered.

“I think she was more impressed with your ass than anything else, but still.” Harvey said, it was supposed to be teasingly, but Mike wasn’t buying it. Instead he just cocked his head to the side, before taking another sip of his drink.

“Are you undermining my intelligence?” he quipped back.

“Not at all.” Harvey replied, and apparently that was all he was going to say on the matter. Mike just smiled.

“She’s married, you know.”

“I know, have you seen her husband?” Harvey asked, as he glanced over to where an old fool was laughing a little too loudly and telling a very inappropriate story to a couple at the other side of the bar. “I would have stared at your ass too.”

“You’re already staring at my ass.”

“Yes, but I’m allowed.” Harvey answered with a small grin and Mike couldn’t help but laugh. “How is things going with the whole Rachel thing?”

“I’ve barely seen then all night.” Mike replied with a shrug.

“I talked to Robert earlier.” Harvey said. “Well, I can’t exactly call it talking.”

“Did you get into another pissing contest with him?” Mike asked, while scowling at Harvey as if he’d just been personally offended. “Jessica is not going to be happy about that.”

“Jessica started it.” Harvey said back, which almost made Mike smile. “Besides, it’s all friendly competition anyway.”

“Yeah, I bet.” Mike answered on a scoff as he shook his head. It crossed his mind that he wasn’t sure if Rachel had told her father all the details of why they had broken up.

“You know what?” Harvey asked as he reached down and put his hand on Mike’s lower back. “Let’s get out of here.”

“What?” Mike asked. “You can’t just leave.”

“Sure I can, I can do whatever the hell I like.” Harvey answered. “Let’s get out of here, you and me.”

Mike just looked at him for a moment, wondering what the hell had gotten into Harvey. The streets would be packed, traffic would be awful, and they were both drunk. Whatever, the two of them had never really fit the standard anyway. “Okay.”

Harvey grinned and all but dragged Mike through the crowded room, trying their best to avoid anyone that might want to talk or stop them. Mike hadn’t really looked forward to the sight of Rachel and Logan kissing at the strike of midnight anyway, besides he could just imagine all the drama that might unfold throughout the night. Mike was trying his best to avoid drama lately.

The streets were insane. That was another thing that didn’t change no matter what part of New York you might find yourself in on New Year’s Eve. It might have something to that they weren’t that far away from Time Square as well. God, it was cold as well. Mike remembered back in high school when he had taken Tess to watch the ball drop. Trevor and his girlfriend, Fiona, had decided to come along as well. The girls had insisted it would be romantic, but it had been anything but. At first it was sweet, because Tess had decided she wanted to look hot, even though Mike had told her it would be cold. She had cuddled up next to him underneath his jacket and kissed the side of neck sweetly. It didn’t last that long though. Both she and Fiona started complaining about their feet hurting after a couple of hours of waiting, Trevor had tried sneaking in alcohol and was almost arrested, and after Mike and Tess had gotten into a fight and the four of them had somehow gotten separated, Trevor was almost arrested again because he couldn’t find a public bathroom anywhere. Long story short, they never even got to see the ball drop.

“Hey.” Mike said as he grabbed Harvey’s hand, making him come to a stop in the middle of the crowded street. “Next year, can we see the ball drop?”

Harvey looked at him for a moment before nodding. “Sure.”

“Awesome.” Mike answered, and suddenly he was the one pulling Harvey along down the street. The pleasant buzz he was feeling didn’t seem likely to wear off anytime soon, and he smiled softly to himself as he remembered the last time they’d been like this. “Remember the last time we ditched a Pearson-party?”

“Hey.” Harvey answered stubbornly. “Pearson-Specter.”

“Litt.”

“Whatever.” Harvey said as he rolled his eyes. “First of all, this isn’t even a firm party, we were just invited. Second of all, yes I remember.”

“You were drunk then too.” Mike remarked, even though he couldn’t understand why that was even important to point out.

“So were you.” Harvey said. “I have to say, it’s much more fun this time around.”

“Definitely.” Mike said “Even though that night had it’s moments as well.” He said.

It seemed like forever ago when they had first told each other how they felt. Now, telling Harvey that he loved him was so easy that Mike couldn’t even understand how it had ever been difficult. As if it wasn’t the most amazing and natural thing in the world.

“I’d say so.” Harvey responded. “Come on.”

“I still don’t know where we’re going.”

“Neither do I.” Harvey replied as he tucked on Mike’s jacket. Mike wasn’t used to seeing Harvey like this. Sure, he’d take risks, but they were always calculated ones. He liked having a plan, making sure that things turned out right in the end. Now he acted spontaneously, almost like a child. Maybe it was because of his visit to his brother, or maybe he just wanted a night of freedom. Whatever it was, Mike didn’t mind. They deserved a night of nothing but spontaneous fun.

“Harvey, how drunk are you?” Mike asked on a laugh as they rounded another corner. “I feel like I’m being kidnapped over here.”

“Don’t worry.” Harvey said as he turned around and flashed Mike a grin, and suddenly it felt like Harvey might have a plan as to where they were going after all. Mike wanted to cock his eyebrows at the other man and make him spill, but a part of him also liked not knowing what Harvey might have planned.

“Seriously, Harvey.” Mike said, and he couldn’t help but pull at Harvey’s arm to make him stop. “We are closing in on an awfully big crowd here, I know I said that I wanted to watch the ball drop, but I’m pretty sure that even you can’t get us through that crowd now- it’s almost midnight.”

Harvey just winked at him, and Mike wasn’t even sure what to think of that. He trusted Harvey, but it was cold and running around the streets in a tuxedo wasn’t as ideal as one might think. Harvey squeezed his hand harder, and Mike just shook his head in disbelief, but continued to smile nonetheless.

“Come on.” Harvey said then, and Mike hadn’t even noticed how far they had walked until he looked up, and saw that Harvey was trying to drag him into a hotel.

“What?” Mike asked “Harvey.”

“You said you wanted to watch the ball drop.” Harvey said. “The suites here have an amazing view.”

Mike still didn’t move an inch, instead he just stood there and all but gaped at Harvey. “Harvey.” He repeated. “You probably have to make a reservation a year in advance.” He almost had to shout because of all the people all around them.

Harvey let go of Mike’s hand and got something out of the pocket of his coat. As he held up a keycard, he grinned at Mike. “If you don’t get your ass inside we’re going to miss the drop.”

Mike couldn’t help but just stand there and stare at the keycard. He couldn’t even grasp what was going on. “You….” He tried, but he was unable to finish the sentence.

“Come on, rookie.” Harvey said as he went over to Mike and sneaked his hand around his waist and led him towards the entrance. Mike was still shocked as they rode the elevator up to the suite, but Harvey just stood beside him, grinning.

The suite was as big as Mike’s apartment, and everything was so beautiful and calming that Mike almost forgot about the chaos they had just escaped from out on the streets.

“Okay, now I’m just getting worried.” Harvey said as he loosened the bowtie around his neck, before going to pour them a glass of champagne each. “You wanna say something or are you just going to stand there all night?”

“How did you do this?” Mike asked, not even sure if that sentence was grammatically correct. Then his facial expression changed and he glared at Harvey as if he was judging him. “Please don’t tell me you usually reserve this every year just for the chance of taking someone up here to woo them and-“

“Woo them?” Harvey asked, grinning at Mike, clearly amused by what Mike was suggesting. “No, I don’t.” he said as he handed Mike his glass.

Mike downed it at once.

“Okay, then.” Harvey said, as he handed Mike his own glass, before refilling Mike’s and taking that for himself. “Come on, now.” He said before loosening Mike’s tie, and nodding his head towards the terrace. “We have three minutes.”

Mike wasn’t sure what to say or do at that point except to follow Harvey, who still hadn’t explained how the hell he had managed to get the suite for New Year’s. Harvey looked extremely pleased with himself as he put an arm around Mike’s waist as Mike took in the view. It was gorgeous, breathtaking even. Streets filled with people, colorful lights and cheering. Two minutes to go.

“Harvey, this is amazing.” Mike said “Really, but I have to know how you arranged this.”

“Let’s just say that someone who had originally booked this room owed me a favor.” Harvey answered before kissing Mike’s temple. It was sweet, caring, and Mike was almost close to freaking out and he didn’t even know why. “And after Christmas…”

“What about Christmas?” Mike asked, because honestly, Harvey kept thinking about Christmas as a disaster, while all Mike could remember was how the man he loved had driven for hours to spend it with Mike.

“It could have gone better, that’s all.” Harvey said, and Mike wanted to disagree, but he knew that he couldn’t, the whole thing hadn’t exactly gone down smoothly. “I just wanted New year’s to be unforgettable.”

Then Harvey looked at him in a certain way and Mike’s heart skipped a beat. “Harvey…”

Before he could finish the sentence he hadn’t even thought through in his head, people started counting down, and even down they were way down there and Mike felt like he was in another world with Harvey, he could hear them clearly.

He barely had time to register the countdown before the ball dropped, and there was even more cheering. It was so cool, and Mike was almost bitter that he hadn’t been able to see it live before. He didn’t have that much time to think about it though, because Harvey’s lips were suddenly on his and the world stopped. Maybe it was the lights and the view, and all the people that seemed so far away, but were so close at the same time, but there was just something that seemed to click. In a way, it felt weird, because being with Harvey had always felt so right, but this was something else, something Mike couldn’t describe. It was more than what he’d felt when he had first met Jenny at that bar, or with Rachel when he had asked her to move in. It was an odd sense of… belonging, beyond what he used to feel at home with his parents, or when he had first been able to win a case.

“Are you okay?” Harvey asked, because Mike had apparently just frozen completely and forgotten to kiss Harvey back. “Are you going to be sick?”

“What?” Mike asked, and shook his head. “No, sorry.”

Harvey frowned and then looked down to where his hand was still resting against the side of Mike’s neck. “You look like you’re about to vomit.”

“No, sorry.” Mike repeated, and took a deep breath. “It’s just a lot.”

Harvey sighed heavily then, and there was a flash of guilt across his face which Mike just wanted to kiss away. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“No, no, Harvey.” Mike said, refusing to let Harvey finish that sentence. “Not us, I mean, yes, us, but in a good way.” He said “Just overwhelming, but good, like this is the perfect scenery for a proposal, and I wanted to watch the ball drop and then you’ve already set this thing up and it’s like faith, which I don’t even believe in….”

Harvey shut him up with another kiss, and this time Mike melted against him.

“You talk too much.” Harvey said as they broke apart, and he rested his forehead against Mike’s as he stroked the side of Mike’s neck with his thumb. “And I wasn’t going to propose you know.”

“Right ,that was a stupid thing to say, anyway.” Mike answered, as he tried to recall everything he had just rambled on about. Mike had never been good at being romantic and expressing his feelings properly while he was drunk.

“Not that stupid.” Harvey answered with a knowing smile, and Mike almost freaked out again. In a good way… maybe. “You look like you might vomit again.”

“God, Harvey.” Mike said as he shook his head before grinning at Harvey. “I’m kind of a mess.”

“I know.” Harvey said. Which was good, because Mike didn’t want to hear lies about how he wasn’t. “I like you anyway.”

Mike laughed. “I like you too.”

“Happy New Year’s, rookie.”

“Happy New Year’s, handsome.”


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from vacation! But, school starts again next week and I'm starting another bachelor so I will be pretty busy. If I didn't tell you guys, I've gotten a bachelor degree in law, so I'm more qualified than Mike at the moment, haha!  
> If you haven't noticed, I have been doing these little time-jumps these last few chapters and that will continue for a little while because I've been planning this fic for a ages and it will go on for several years, which will be difficult if I take it one weekend or week at a time.   
> Thank you guys, for sticking with me!

_January 5th, 2015_

“You’re a goddess.” Mike said as Donna greeted him and Harvey by the elevator, coffee in each hand. Mike had overslept and Harvey had been slightly annoyed, and Mike had barely had time to grab an apple before they needed to head out. 

“I know.” Donna answered with a smirk as she handed Mike his cup. “Glad to see you two coming in together.”

Mike raised his eyebrows at her, even though she couldn’t see it as she was walking in front of them towards Harvey’s office. “Why wouldn’t we?” he asked, as he glanced over at Harvey, who barely seemed to care about the comment.

“The holidays can be such a stressful time for couples.” Donna said, and the wit was almost dripping from her voice. She then turned sharply on her heel in front of her desk and stared them both down with a knowing smirk on her face. “Especially for couples where one is the other one’s boss and they still decide to make-out at the firm’s New Years’ Eve party.”

“Oh.”

Mike’s first reaction was to panic slightly and discreetly looking around to see if anyone was silently judging him for dating his boss, but no one even seemed to acknowledge their presence. Then he just shrugged it off, and remembered what Harvey had told him. They were in this for the long run which meant that they couldn’t keep it a secret forever anyway.

“You’re smirking.” Donna said, clearly amused by Mike’s reaction to the news of everyone knowing about them.

“I am.” Mike answered.

Harvey rolled his eyes and sighed, but Mike had noticed the small smile on his lips as well as he walked past them and into his office. Mike followed after him as he took of his coat and draped it over his arm.

“Any messages, Donna?” Harvey asked, and Donna nodded.

“Yes.” She replied. “Your two o’clock has been moved back an hour, so I rescheduled Leery for tomorrow at nine, also, you have a meeting with Jessica and Louis in an hour.”

“Thanks.” Harvey answered before turning his attention to Mike. “See if you can find Katrina and get the finished documents ready for the meeting, make sure to print out extra copies of everything for Louis and Jessica.”

“Of course.” Mike said, he knew how to prepare for a meeting without Harvey having to remind him. He turned to face Donna. “Conference room?”

“Jessica’s office.” Donna answered, and looked to Harvey one more time to see if he needed anything else, when he shook his head, she went back to her desk.

“I’ll go prep.” Mike said and was on his way to track down Katrina when Harvey stopped him.

“Mike.”

“Yeah?” he asked, as he turned around in the doorway.

Harvey looked like he wanted to say something, but wasn’t quite sure which words to use. “With everyone knowing…” he started, but he didn’t seem to know how to continue.

“Yes?” Mike asked, because it wasn’t the best sentence to start and then leaving hanging in the air.

“Just, don’t let anyone give you any shit, okay?” He continued, and Mike cocked his head to the side and frowned slightly at him. “The associates are assholes.”

“How would you know, do you even know any of their names?” Mike teased back.

“I know yours.” Harvey answered. “Which could be part of the problem.” he said with a smirk and Mike couldn't help but shake his head in disbelief. The fact that Harvey looked so hot when he acted like a cooky asshole could really ruin Mike's life in the long run. 

“Harvey, I think I can handle a couple of ‘he only got his own office because he’s screwing the boss’ comments.” Mike said. “Don’t worry.”

“Don’t let it get to you.” Harvey answered. "We're under the microscope, and I don't just mean us."

Mike knew that even though the firm was finally getting back on it's feet and kicking ass like nobody's business, that they were still struggling with trying to maintain their reputation as a stable firm. The fact that they seemed to change name-partners every other week wasn't helping either.

“I won’t.” Mike promised with a shrug. “Besides, we all know that I kick more ass than any of them and that they’re just jealous.”

“Jealous of your ass-kicking or because you’re sleeping with me?”

Mike looked like he needed to consider it for a moment before answering. “Both.”

“Great.” Harvey replied with a grin. “Oh, and by the way, the partners are assholes too.”

“I know.” Mike said with a wink. “I’m sleeping with one of them, remember?”

“Just shut up and get to work.”

“Yes, sir.” Mike answered mockingly, but decided not to push his luck and headed out to do what he was supposed to do. He didn’t get very far though, because Donna stopped him before he could ever make the corner around her desk.

“Mike.” She said, and Mike glanced once over at Harvey’s office to make sure he wasn’t becoming annoyed with him, but he was already on the phone with someone so he didn’t seem to notice.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Mike asked as he leaned against her desk.

“Rachel told me that she bumped into you at the party.” Donna said. “With Logan.”

Mike nodded. “Yeah.” He said “That was fun.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Did you know?”

“Yes, I knew.”

“No, I'm not mad.”

“Good, cause you have no right to be.” Donna said sheepishly, and Mike glared slightly at her before shaking his head in disbelief.

“I need to get to work.” He said, and excused himself, making sure that Donna knew that he really was cool with the whole thing.

Well, cool might be an overstatement. When Rachel had cheated, Mike had told her that there had to be a reason behind it, but at the party he’d been hit in the face with it. After all the drama and everything they’d been through, Rachel wouldn’t have started dating Logan again unless she felt something for him, which probably meant that a part of Rachel had been in love with Logan, even when she’d still been dating Mike.

It stung, it really did. Mike had honestly thought that Rachel was the one he was going to marry, the one he would be with forever, and then everything had come crashing down. It had completely devastating and Mike had questioned everything in his life. Well everything except for Harvey. Harvey who had stuck with him through everything.

Mike had been right when he told Harvey that he didn’t have feelings for Rachel anymore. A part of him would probably always love her in some way, they had been through too much together for those feelings to go away, but he wasn’t _in love_ with her anymore. He loved Harvey, fully, unconditionally. Still, that didn’t change the way that Rachel had made him feel when she had chosen Logan that night when she had kissed him. Mike had felt like he wasn’t good enough, like what they had wasn’t enough for her to be happy. Those feelings and worries had almost destroyed what he and Harvey had tried to build, and seeing Logan and Rachel together had brought some of those worries back.

Mike was still terrified that he wouldn’t be enough for Harvey either, that Harvey would regret them, even though he had sworn to Mike that he never would.

Wonderful and sweet Harvey who let Mike see the good and the bad he had to offer. Who took Mike to the cabin he used to go to with his family, who let Mike know that he loved him, who drove for hours in the snow to spend Christmas with him, who knew Mike well enough to know exactly what he needed and wanted.

Mike was worried that he would never measure up. He needed to remind himself of what Donna had said, that it wasn’t a competition. Harvey did the things he did because he loved Mike, which should be used as a reminder for Mike that Harvey wasn’t going anywhere, and that Mike really did measure up, or else Harvey wouldn’t have bothered to fight for him as he did.

Harvey seemed happy with Mike, and when Mike was able to let loose and really let go of his insecurities, he was able to see that. He could see the smile in Harvey’s eyes whenever Mike told him that he loved him, and he could feel it in the way Harvey’s heartbeat quickened whenever Mike rested his forehead against his as Harvey moved inside of him.

They weren’t Mike and Rachel, or Logan or Rachel, or Harvey and Scottie. They were indescribable. Incomparable. They were Harvey and Mike, and Mike wasn’t going to let anything, including his own past or insecurities get in his way of making it work.

Mike only briefly stopped by his own office to hang up his coat before he made his way to Katrina’s office where she was already busily tapping away on her keyboard.

“Hello.” Mike said with a smile as he entered.

“I can’t believe I went home for Christmas.”

“Nice to see you too, my vacation was great, thank you for asking.” Mike answered sarcastically as he looked Katrina up and down. She looked stressed, almost frazzled, which was unlike her.

“What vacation? _You_ stayed here during the holidays, working with Jessica Pearson and Louis Litt.” Katrina said as she finally looked up and glared at Mike, almost accusingly. “ _I_ went caroling with my cousins and had to endure my mother’s vegan Christmas feast.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.” Mike answered.

“I highly doubt that mine tops yours as far as recommendations and credentials go.” Katrina almost snapped back. “Just brief me on the changes.”

“Katrina, relax.” Mike said, trying his best to calm her down, because he honestly couldn’t see what the big deal was.

“When I left, I thought only you and Jessica were staying in the city.” She said. “Then I hear that Louis stayed as well, and that you’ve been working with Harvey, and Rachel came back from her vacation early and has been sending updates and improvements to Malone.”

“That wasn’t exactly planned.” Mike said and then he couldn’t help but add. “And Harvey and I haven’t been working _that_ hard.”

“So I’ve heard from all the gossip around here.” Katrina answered with a knowing smirk. “And believe me, I’m not exactly the other associates first choice when it comes to friendly conversation and even I heard about you two at the party on New Year’s.”

“Damn.” Mike said. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told Louis that we were good at being stealth.”

Katrina actually smiled genuinely at him then. He really appreciated their weird and slightly dysfunctional friendship. They were the best of the best, even though Katrina was years ahead of Mike in the game. Even though it was a great honor, it wasn’t always easy being the personal associates to two of the managing partners at the firm. It was a competitive profession after all and it was a lot easier with the two of them sticking together.

“If it helps, I think you might be more popular than me now that everyone knows about me and Harvey.”

Katrina shrugged. “I never cared much about being popular anyway.” She said with a smirk. “Briefing, please.”

“Yes, princess.”

“Please, I’m a queen.”

“Of course you are.” Mike said as he sat down opposite of Katrina. “But seriously, don’t worry, everyone knows how hard you’re working and you should praise yourself lucky that you get to spend Christmas with your family.”

“I know.” Katrina answered. “Now, let’s get to work or else neither of us will be very popular with the partners either.”

“Good plan.” Mike said as he leaned further back in his chair and grinned at her.

 

Jessica and Harvey seemed to be in the middle of a heated discussion when Mike walked into her office with Louis, Malone and Katrina. All of them stopped in the doorway and probably looked like deer in the highlights.

“Are we early?” Louis asked, causing Jessica to turn and glare at him for a moment before she regained her posture and gestured for them to come inside.

“No, let’s get started.” She said with stern smile.

Mike walked into the office with confidence even though he was nervous and slightly worried about what Jessica and Harvey had disagreed on this time. Louis sat down next to Harvey with Katrina on his other side, while Malone chose one of the chairs. Which left Mike with the choice of the other chair or sitting next to Jessica. It really wasn’t much of a choice.

Mike gave everyone a copy of the proposals that Katrina and he had drafted before sitting down in the chair next to Harvey.

“Can we finally put this thing to a rest and send in the proposal today or do any of you have any other objections?” Jessica asked as she looked through everything, even though she and Mike had been the ones to worked on it for the last week. The woman was nothing if not thorough.

“It looks good.” Louis said. “A lot better than that shit proposal he sent us.”

“But it still emphasizes all the aspects he wanted to focus on.” Malone said “Great job.”

Mike only smiled, because he was well aware of the fact that he’d done a great job, even though Jessica had been the one to really make it a grade A proposal worthy of a company as large as Singer’s.

“Let’s hope he agrees to it, then.” Jessica said. “Louis, just go over the financials one more time to make sure we can answer whatever question he might ask.”

“It doesn’t seem like you’ve changed anything from the last time-“

“Louis.”

Louis nodded then. “Okay, I’ll triple check.”

“Thank you.” Jessica answered. “Harvey, we’re meeting Singer at his office at noon.”

“I’ll go over the financials with Louis before then.”

The meeting was shorter than what Mike had expected. When all of the managing partners, one kick-ass lawyer, and two associates trying a little too hard to prove themselves was working the same case, disagreements were bound to happen. Since all of them seemed to be on the same page, that could only mean that the proposal was top notch.

“Hey.” Mike said as he all but jogged after Harvey to catch up to him.

“I have a conference call I need to prepare for, Mike.” Was Harvey’s stern response.

“Okay.” Mike answered “Anything I can do?”

They rounded the corner to Harvey’s office, and Mike noticed Donna’s absence at her desk and figured she was getting a cup of coffee or something.

“It’s fine.” Harvey said as he pinched the bridge of his nose before sitting down behind his desk and started tapping away on his keyboard immediately. When Mike didn’t move an inch, Harvey stopped typing and sighed heavily before meeting Mike’s eyes. “Sorry.”

“What’s going on?” Mike asked, he had learned the hard way to be patient whenever Harvey was stressed out at work, the same way he had learned when he needed to be the boyfriend and when he should just be Harvey’s associates.

“Just too many appointments that I hadn’t accounted for.” Harvey replied. “Actually there is something you can do for me, have Donna give you the details of my three o’clock and prep for the meeting, I want you there and you need to be able to answer any question they might have.”

“Got it.” Mike answered. Harvey had his hands full at the moment, the least Mike could do was prep for a client meeting. “What’s going on with Jessica?”

“What do you mean?”

“It was pretty tense earlier.”

“What do you think?” Harvey asked, sounding slightly annoyed. Mike let out a breath.

“Us?” He asked. Harvey shrugged, and that was all the answer Mike needed. “I thought she said it was okay.”

“It is, don’t worry.” Harvey said “We’re not doing anything illegal, and we’ve already established with HR that our relationship started long after I hired you, and Jessica will be handling your bonuses and other payment issues from now on.”

“But?” Mike asked, trying not to think of the fact that his bonuses would probably be reduced from now on.

“Some of the partners have raised concerned.” Harvey said “Nothing you need to worry about, and Jessica basically told them to go mind their own fucking business.”

“If it concerns us, and you’re in a pissy mood because of it, then I think I need to worry about it.” Mike answered stubbornly. He knew this was going to happen, and it probably wasn’t the end of it. Associates, partners, clients. A lot of people would had an opinion on their relationship and it really sucked.

“Mike.” Harvey said as he looked Mike dead in the eye. “Don’t worry, they’ll have something else to gossip about soon enough. You just go and be the best damn lawyer you can be and don’t give them any reason to think that you don’t deserve this.” Mike swallowed heavily at that, and he was pretty sure Harvey could read his thoughts. “Mike, please, I need to make this call before going over the numbers with Louis, we can talk about this tonight.”

Mike nodded. “Yeah, got it.” He said, because this was associate-mode. Juggling between being Harvey’s boyfriend and his employee had become easier with time, but now the two worlds seemed to collide with the issue being that the two of them were together. Mike figured Harvey would just get irritated if he tried to fix it in some way, so he decided to just take Harvey’s advice and let it blow over and do what he’d been told to do in the meantime.

The rest of the day was surprisingly uneventful. He got a couple of glares from other associates while they whispered between themselves, and Mike pretended he couldn’t hear them and kept his head held high even though he wanted nothing more than to put them in their place. Harvey kept his cool as well, even though he could have sworn he overheard a conversation between Donna and Harvey about a confrontation with Paul Porter. He ran into Rachel right before the client meeting he had helped Harvey prepare for. She had an apologetic look on her face, even though she also seemed a little irritated.

“About Logan…”

“I don’t have the time right now, Rachel.” Was all Mike had been able to say before he hurried towards Harvey’s office.

Luckily, Mike had done his job properly and the client seemed very pleased with everything as he left Harvey’s office with a generous offer and a smile on his face.

Jimmy called him sometime during the day and he and Mike made plans to hang out sometime closer to the weekend. It was good, Mike could really need a night out. Jimmy sighed heavily when Mike suggested that Harold should tag along, but agreed to it anyway.

At the end of the day, Mike felt pleased with a good day’s work, but he was still tired and ready to head home. Of course, the day had seemed too good to be true, because when Mike was packing up his things, a pretty upset Rachel came barging into his office.

“This is how it’s going to be from now on?” She asked. “Back to how things were with you ignoring me?”

“I’m not ignoring you, Rachel.” Mike answered; he really just wanted to go home. “It’s been a really busy day, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” She said “Malone has been riding my ass all day, but I still took time out of my schedule to try to talk to you.”

“Well, I’m sorry.” Mike replied, even though there was no actual heat behind the words.

“Yeah.” Rachel said as she nodded sternly, and Mike was surprised that she wasn’t tapping her foot impatiently. “You know, people have been going around looking at me with pity all day long because they think I was dumped in favor of my boss.”

“Well, if you’d rather they’d look at you like you were the one who cheated on your boyfriend with your ex then…” He said, and he knew how harsh it sounded, but Mike couldn’t help himself. He didn’t understand what Rachel wanted from him.

“Okay, then.” Rachel answered, still upset beyond belief. “I guess it was stupid to think we could be friends.”

“Maybe it was.” He suddenly heard a voice say, and Mike looked up and noticed Harvey standing in his doorway. Mike sighed, wondering how long he had been standing there. “You ready to go?”

“In a second.” Mike said.

“Harvey, I didn’t mean…” Rachel started, but Harvey cut her off with a wave of his hand.

“Save it.” Harvey said “This is between the two of you, but don’t expect any sympathy from me because people feel sorry for you when we both know why you and Mike broke up.”

“Harvey.” Mike said, realizing that things were getting out of hand. “Please, just give us a moment.”

“Okay.” Harvey answered, and he didn’t seem mad or upset, which was a good thing. “I’ll meet you by the elevators.”

Mike nodded at him before Harvey disappeared again.

“Rachel.” Mike said as he walked up to her, trying his best to look her straight in the eye and seem earnest. “I’m sorry if it seems like I don’t care about you, cause I do.” He said. “And the Logan thing, yeah, it kinda sucks, but I guess it’s not surprising.” He continued. “But Harvey’s right, I’m not going to feel sorry for you, when you’re the one who-“

“I’m sorry.” Rachel said as she shook her head. “That was a stupid thing to say, it can’t have been easy with everyone knowing about you and Harvey given everything that’s happened.”

Mike only shrugged as a response.

“I should apologize to Harvey as well, it was disrespectful.”

“A little bit, yeah.” Mike answered “But you shouldn’t worry about it, he wasn’t lying, Harvey is able to distinguish what concerns him and what doesn’t, and he’s just trying to protect me, well, us I guess. He’s not going to hold a grudge.”

Rachel nodded in understanding. “Protect you...Because of what I know.”

“Yes.” Mike said, and was glad that Rachel seemed to get it without it turning into an argument. There was a time when Harvey had asked Mike to break things off with Rachel because he was afraid Mike would tell her his secret. The fact that Rachel now knew and was dating Logan was an even bigger cause for concern.

“I would never tell Logan.”

There was a lot of things Mike never thought Rachel would do, but he wasn’t going to say that now. They were past that now.

“I know.” Mike said on a nod. “And I really appreciate it, I hope you know that.” He continued. “Let’s stop putting pressure on us being friends, let’s just take it one day at a time.”

“Okay.” Rachel said “I think that’s a good idea.”

“Yeah.” Mike said “And I’ll respect your relationship with Logan if you respect mine with Harvey.”

“You really think it’s going to be that easy?” Rachel asked, but she didn’t seem sarcastic or degrading, just hopeful.

Mike shrugged. “We’ve been through too much together, don’t you think?” He asked. “We should at least give it a shot.”

She smiled at him. “I agree.”

Mike smiled back before getting his coat and the rest of his things. “Good night, Rachel.” He said.

“Yeah, good night.”

Harvey was waiting by the elevator, just like he’d said and Mike greeted him with a smile. “You mad?”

“No.” Harvey answered, even though it didn’t seem very convincing. “You ready to head out?” he asked as he pressed the elevator button.

“Very.” Mike replied with a small smile on his lips. “You went all caveman back there for me.”

“Caveman?” Harvey asked with raised eyebrows.

“Defending my honor and everything.” Mike answered, and he wasn’t able to hide the amusement in his voice. “You didn’t have to do that you know.”

“I believe someone told me recently that when it concerns me and my relationship, I am allowed to meddle.”

“Worry, not meddle.” Mike corrected him as they stepped into the elevator.

“Well, I’m not really the kind of person who can do one without the other.”

“I know, my big, strong man.” Mike answered teasingly, and he was well aware that Harvey would either get very frustrated or equally amused with him.

“Are you going to talk the whole way home?” Harvey asked. “Because your voice is starting to sound like nails against a blackboard.”

“Ouch.”

Harvey sighed heavily. “It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah, I almost forgot to ask you how everything went with Singer.” Mike answered as the two of them stepped out of the elevator.

“He was very happy with the proposal, but we were right about his dad and the partners trying to meddle to stop the expansion.” Harvey said as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

“What do you need me to do?” Mike asked, and Harvey turned his head sideways to smile proudly at him.

“Singer is pitching the proposal to the partners tomorrow and we’re coming with.” Harvey said “The easiest thing to do would be to convince them that this is a good idea, without any more objections.”

“Please, you’re not the best closer in Manhattan for nothing.” Mike said as they headed outside. Ray was waiting for them with a polite smile on his face, and Mike greeted him with a grin before getting inside the car.

“Yeah.” Harvey answered as he got inside as well. “Closing them should be a lot easier than it was closing you.”

Mike couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Yeah, sorry about that, but you were the one who went to Staten Island when we were about to get it on.”

Harvey rolled his eyes, before giving Ray an apologetic look before pressed the button to close the screen between them, to spear Ray from any more comments.

“Please don’t discuss our sex life in front of my driver.” Harvey said, and then he turned and looked at Mike. “Besides, I wasn’t talking about the sex.”

“Are you saying I’m easy?”

Harvey actually winked at him, and Mike just scoffed. “Whatever.” He said “And yes, I know I was difficult, sorry about that.”

Harvey shrugged. “The good ones are worth fighting for.”

Mike put a finger underneath Harvey’s chin and pressed his lips against his in a soft, but firm kiss. “Thanks for putting up with me.”

Harvey smiled at him. “Back at you.” Harvey replied. “And I know I shouldn’t have intruded on your conversation with Rachel earlier, but I know why it was so god damn difficult for you to move on and when she tried to make you feel guilty for being with me, when she-“

“Stop it.” Mike said, stern, but with a smile still on his face. “You don’t need to apologize for trying to protect me, but I can take care of myself you know, you taught me well.”

“I’m a good teacher.”

“You’re really not.” Mike answered on a laugh. “I’m pretty sure I was the exception and anyone would agree with me.”

Harvey glared at him for a moment before he rolled his eyes and shrugging it off. 

“Rachel was sorry about the comment though.” Mike said “But you have a right to be upset about it.”

“If you forgive her, then I can too.” Harvey answered “I wasn’t there for the entire conversation, I trust you.”

“I’m just so tired of the drama.” Mike said as he leaned back against the seat, resting comfortably. “I feel like we’re getting past that, and I’m happy with you, so if she can be happy with Logan then I just need to forget about everything that’s happened in the past and hopefully we can all move on.”

“You’re so mature.” Harvey answered, almost teasingly as he leaned in and kissed Mike’s temple.

“I know.” Mike said on a laugh, before he turned around slightly so he could rest his back against Harvey’s side. “We’re going to your place, right?”

Harvey chuckled. “Obviously.”


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we're on chapter 50! How did this happen? I have at least nine more chapters planned, but after that it's coming to an end. It's actually quite sad, since I've been working for this for such a long time.  
> Oh, and some of you have commented about how great it is that we've gotten so many seasons, and that it's been renewed for another one. Honestly, I've barely watched season 5, i just feel like they are playing the same cards over and over and it's getting boring. So as usual, the canon from the show will not interfere with this story (except maybe if we ever get to see this guy that Donna's been seeing).  
> If you haven't watched the webisode of suits where they talk about Jordan, you probably should!  
> Oh, and for those of you who wanted angst, don't worry, the fluff won't last forever.

_February 14th, 2015. Valentine’s day._

Harvey Specter knew how to be romantic when it counted. He knew how to court and impress with grand gestures, expensive gifts or a surprise trip that could put a grin on anyone’s face.

Mike Ross was more personal in his approach. It wasn’t until recently that he’d have some money to throw around, so he usually relied on his instinct and his ability to observe. He would find something that the person cherished or was particularly interested in, and make that other person feel special by making an evening or a gift out of it.

Romance. Making the other person feel special. Gestures. It was something they excelled in, especially when it came to each other. They’d already spent a weekend away together, Mike had ran into the cold night to drunkenly confess his love for an angry Harvey, and Harvey had driven all night through snow just to spend Christmas with Mike. One would think that Valentine’s day would be a piece of cake.

Except it wasn’t.

Donna had been nagging Harvey all week about it, making sure that they had something planned for Valentine’s day. Harvey had shrugged her off and told her he had it handled, in which she had just glared intensely at him, telling him that she didn’t want a repeat of the Christmas fiasco.

“Hey, that only gave me a chance to show my absolute devotion and prove I’m awesome boyfriend-material.” Harvey had answered, and Donna had looked at him as if he had just told her that the Easter bunny was real.

“Except that your boyfriend had to spend Christmas Eve alone with Netflix and a box of leftovers.” Donna pointed out. It had stung, and Harvey almost wanted to scold her for it, except that she’d been right. Just because they had managed to make up and actually had a pretty great Christmas vacation, didn’t mean that they had been painfully close to breaking up because of their lack of communication.

Harvey didn’t want a repeat of that either. Ever.

“I got it under control.” Harvey had told her, and honestly that had been the case. Since he was doing everything in his power to make sure that the two of them were on the same page this time, he had casually mentioned that Valentine’s day was coming up.

Mike had smirked at him and nodded. “Yeah, I know.” He’d answered. “I know what you’re trying to do, so don’t be all _you_ and act cool about it.”

“I can’t be me without being cool.” Harvey had replied with a grin before putting his arms around Mike’s waist and kissing away a drop of coffee on the corner of his mouth.

Mike rolled his eyes at him. “Hope you haven’t made any plans.”

Harvey had furrowed his brows at him then and leaned back a bit. “Why?”

“Because I have.” Mike had answered before kissing Harvey’s mouth more firmly. “Just clear your schedule.”

They had been late for work that morning.

So, Harvey had decided to just do what Mike had asked him and made sure that nothing would disturb them that weekend. Just to be sure, he even asked Donna, who had sighed heavily and told him that _of course_ he shouldn’t make plans if Mike already had everything in order. Just clean up nice and show up at the right place at the right time with a great gift.

Right, the gift.

Harvey had debated between asking Donna for help, which Mike would have figured out, or just rely on his guts and buy something. After the scotch incident with Scottie, he should probably have asked Donna, but decided against it. He was the one in the relationship, he knew Mike pretty well and he should be able to find something that Mike wanted without any help.

Everything was going to be perfect. He was so looking forward to a weekend without any work or stress, just him and Mike, that he didn’t even try to figure out what Mike had planned, like he usually would have.

But, then.

It had hit him like a knock to the face Friday morning. Headache, stuffy nose, muscle cramps, his eyes were burning, his ears were ringing and nausea and dizziness washed over him whenever he got up too fast. Harvey never got sick. Never.

So he’d gone to work, feeling like shit, making sure to keep his composure and tried to limit his contacts with clients so no one would get sick because of him. Both Mike and Donna had commented on how pale he looked, but he had brushed it off, saying he hadn’t slept good the night before. Jessica and Louis had been a little more blunt and told him he looked like shit.

Of course, deciding to work from eight in the morning to eleven at night while suffering through a fever took it’s toll and Harvey went home feeling a hundred times worse than he had that morning, and when Mike had suggested getting something to eat, Harvey had almost thrown up right there in the elevator. He’d made up some stupid excuse and he fell asleep in the back of the car with Ray playing Sinatra on the radio on his way home.

He found some painkillers from the cabinet, got a glass of water and went straight for bed, hoping and praying that he would feel better the following day because there was no way he was missing out on his date with Mike.

No such luck.

Harvey was rudely awakened around seven by the need to vomit and ran to the bathroom. He felt cold, but was sweating, and his throat was itchy and he felt like a train had ran over his head. After raiding his medicine cabinet for something to clear up his stuffiness and anything to calm down his fever, he dragged himself back to bed. He wanted to punch his pillow in frustration, but instead he fell back asleep.

The next time he woke up, it was from a noise in the kitchen. His eyes shot open and he glanced over at the clock on his nightstand telling him that it was almost noon. When he heard another noise, he carefully got up from the bed and made his way towards the sound, with the building he lived in, Harvey figured it most likely wasn’t a burglar or a thief.

Instead, he was greeting by the sight of a chipper Mike who was brewing some coffee. His jacket hung neatly over one of the chairs and his tie was loose around his neck. Harvey still felt nauseous, but the smell of coffee still appealed to him.

“Hey.” Harvey said and Mike turned around and smiled at him.

“Hi.” He answered. “How are you feeling?”

Harvey took a breath and shrugged. “I’m great.” He lied “Happy Valentine’s day.” He said as he made his way towards Mike with a confident grin on his face.

“Oh, no.” Mike said, holding up a hand to stop Harvey dead in his tracks. “Stop right there, stuffy.”

“What are you talking about?” Harvey asked, even though he knew that Mike had already figured it out, and he was probably keeping up the charade for nothing.

Mike glared at him. “Get back to bed, I’ll bring you some soup.”

“What are you doing here?” Harvey asked, not even bothering to comment on the fact that Mike was going to bring him soup, like he was twelve years old again.

“I had a day planned.” Mike answered as he poured himself a cup of coffee and silently asked Harvey if he wanted one. Harvey nodded, and Mike got another mug from the cabinet. “I got here to pick you up, and I found you asleep, if it wasn’t for the drool I’d think you were dead.” He continued. “You were burning up, so I opened your window to make sure you got some fresh air and now we’re here.”

Harvey shook his head as he tried to gather his thoughts, which had been a lot easier if his head wasn’t spinning and he was currently seeing two Mike’s at the moment. If he hadn’t felt so sick, that would normally be a dirty thought. “How long have you been here?”

Mike shrugged. “An hour, I guess.”

“Well, give me time to grab a shower and I’ll be ready in-“

“Woah, woah.” Mike said, not letting Harvey finish his sentence. “You’re not getting anywhere except back in bed.”

“Mike, come on.” Harvey said, almost feeling annoyed with Mike for trying to take care of him. He wasn’t that sick, god damn it.

“Harvey.” Mike said, sounding more like a disapproving parent than a boyfriend at the moment. He palmed Harvey’s cheeks and carefully stroked one of his cheekbones, which made Harvey’s eyelids flutter involuntarily. “We are not going anywhere with you like this, you’ll pass out or throw up or something.”

“It’s Valentine’s.” Harvey argued, even though he felt himself slowly losing, almost falling asleep where he stood. “Our first Valentine’s, I’ve heard it’s supposed to be a big deal.”

Mike shrugged. “We’ll make up for it next year.”

Statements like that should terrify Harvey, but he really loved it whenever Mike said things that made him believe that Mike had gotten over his fears and wanted nothing more than to be with Harvey all the way. The fact that Harvey loved it more than it scared him, was probably a sign that he was getting over his commitment issues as well.

“Now, get that sexy ass of yours to bed.” Mike said as he put his hands on Harvey’s shoulders and made him turn around. Harvey couldn’t help but chuckle, but turned his head around to face Mike again.

“You don’t have to stay here with me, you know.”

“It’s Valentine’s, as you so subtly pointed out.” Mike answered. “Where else would I be?”

Harvey fell asleep again before Mike had a chance to bring him any coffee, let alone soup. Harvey could probably count all the times he’d been sick since he was a teenager on one hand. The summer before Harvard when he got pneumonia, which had honestly scared him shitless because Jessica had given him a golden ticket and he was afraid of throwing it away before he even got a chance to prove himself. Not so surprisingly, he forgot all about that as soon as his chest cleared up and he actually started school, where he probably could have focused more on his studies. The first winter after Donna became his assistant; he’d gotten a terrible cold, but refused to call in sick. Donna had brought him chicken soup from his favorite Chinese place and made sure he got enough to drink, rescheduled and managed his time so he wouldn’t exhaust himself and eventually he’d gotten through it. Since he started working for Jessica, he’d caught the stomach flu once, but that had been that. He was very rarely sick, which meant that he wasn’t the best at dealing with it.

When Harvey woke up again, he felt better, although that wasn’t saying much in the state he’d been in earlier. The nausea and headache was still there and he still felt like something was pressing against the inside of his skull and trying to escape out of his ears and nose. Still, the dizziness had all but disappeared, and he wasn’t feeling faint or sleepy.

He looked over at the clock again and realized he’d been asleep for hours. Shit, he really hoped that Mike wasn’t still there just sitting around and waiting for him. He felt really bad that Mike had probably gone out of his way planning something special, and Harvey hadn’t been able to follow through. Harvey shook his head, trying to tell himself it was ridiculous and if the roles had been reversed and Mike had gotten sick, Harvey would have insisted he’d stay in bed as well.

The sound of the TV pulled him out of his trance and Harvey sighed heavily before getting out of bed and making his way towards the living room. As he did so, he realized that he hadn’t had anything to eat that day, but wondered if he should take the risk as the nausea had settled down a bit.

“Hey.” Harvey said as he made his way towards the couch that Mike was splayed across. Mike turned around and smiled at him. “Aren’t you supposed to be wearing a nurse’s outfit and offer me a massage or something?”

“That was actually part of my plans today, but since you’re sick I figured it was better to just let you sleep.” Mike teased him before he sat up, giving Harvey enough space to slump down beside him. As soon as he did, Mike reached out and felt his forehead. “You’re still pretty hot.”

“ _Pretty_ hot?” Harvey asked. “I might have the flu, but I am personally offended by the limitations to my hotness.”

“Classic.” Mike answered as he leaned in closer and kissed Harvey’s temple gently. “You still tired? You want something to eat?”

“Not that tired.” Harvey said, trying his best not to complain, since Donna had told him once that he acted like a baby when he was sick, and Mike was just trying to make him feel better. “A little hungry, but not sure if I should risk it.”

“Nauseous, huh?” Mike asked, and then looked Harvey up and down. “You did look a little green earlier.”

“Thanks.” Harvey answered as he tried to get comfortable against the back of the couch. “Did you ever get around to making that soup?”

“Yeah, but I ate it all.” Mike said as he got comfortable next to Harvey. “It was really good.”

Harvey turned his head for the sole purpose of glaring at Mike, who only grinned at him in response. “You’re a shitty nurse anyway.”

“Yeah, right.” Mike replied before patting Harvey’s thigh and getting up from his seat. “I didn’t eat the soup, jackass.”

“Screw you.”

“I wish.” Mike said, and then he actually bent down and kissed Harvey’s cheek.

The only response Harvey was able to give was a groan as he put his feet up on his coffee table, which he normally scolded Mike for doing. “What the hell are you watching?” Harvey asked as he finally let his eyes wander to the screen.

“Yeah, just go on and pretend you’ve never watched _The Bachelor.”_ Mike quipped over his shoulder from where he was reheating Harvey’s soup.

“I’ve heard of it.” Harvey answered, and if he wasn’t feeling so shitty, he probably would have commented on Mike’s snort. “Hey, Mike?” he asked, feeling annoyed that his throat was starting to itch again.

“Yeah?” Mike asked back, just as Mike returned with a bottle of water and a Tylenol. “Soup’s almost ready.”

“What did you have planned for today?” Harvey asked, and he sounded so pitiful that he almost didn’t recognize his own voice.

Mike smiled at him before kissing the top of Harvey’s head and gesturing towards the medication “Take your medication and don’t worry about it.” He said.

Harvey glared at him. He wasn’t a child god damn it. “Fine.” Mike said before he went back to the kitchen and retrieved Harvey’s bowl of soup while Harvey took his medication. After giving Harvey the soup, he sat down next to him, resting his arm behind Harvey’s head and absentmindedly started stroking the back of his neck. Harvey almost hummed at the sensation of Mike’s cold fingers against his heated skin. “It wasn’t anything grand, don’t worry.” He said. “You know, I talked to Marcus and-“

“What?” Harvey asked, as he put the bowl down and turned to look Mike in the eye. Mike asking Marcus about Valentine’s could either be catastrophic or brilliant, but Harvey leaned more towards the former. Why couldn’t he have just asked Donna, like everyone else?

“Would you let me finish?” Mike asked. “Asking me to spill and then interrupting me is very rude, you know.”

Harvey gestured for him to continue, trying not so show how annoyed and impatient he really was.

“So I planned this weekend in Boston, since your Christmas visit was cut short, and we talked about you showing me Harvard, so…” Mike said, and Harvey was just left staring at him, because to him it looked like Mike seemed almost embarrassed, as if he sounded ridiculous saying it out loud. “But don’t worry, I called Marcus and let him know that we couldn’t make it, and he said hi and told you to feel better soon, so he’s not expecting us or anything, I just-“

“You’re rambling, Mike.” Harvey answered. “If I wasn’t contagious I would probably kiss you right now.”

“Does it bother you that I talk to Marcus?” Mike blurted out, and Harvey was completely taken back by the question.

“What?” he asked “What would it?”

Mike shrugged. “I don’t know.” He said “It’s just that you’ve said that no one has ever really been properly introduced to your family as your boyfriend, and I know that I haven’t either, except if you count that time when he drunk dialed me, but-“

“You’re rambling again.” Harvey said, trying his best to shut up his boyfriend. “Of course I don’t mind, I know he would like you even more in person, and going to Boston would have been awesome.”

Now he really was feeling guilty. Mike had probably spent all morning cancelling flight tickets and dinner reservations, as well as everything else the crazy kid might have planned for the weekend.

“I promise I’ll take you the next time we have a weekend off.” Harvey said before putting the bowl of soup back in his lap, taking another sip.

Mike only nodded in response. He looked tired, and honestly a little bored. The kid was wired a certain way. Mike had probably been overly excited and ready to on this trip, and when that hadn’t happened and he’d spent the day on the couch, watching crappy TV instead, it probably took a toll on his mood, even though he tried his best not to show it.

“I’m sorry, Mike.” Harvey said. “You know, there’s a lot of great parties tonight.”

“Yeah, you look about ready to go hit the dance floor.” Mike answered sarcastically as he gestured for Harvey to get another spoonful of soup.

Instead, Harvey brought the entire bowl to his lips and slurped away, causing Mike to chuckle. “This is good.” Harvey said, before putting the bowl back down on the table. “I meant for you.”

“I’m not going to a party, Harvey, you’re being stupid.” Mike answered, and Harvey decided not to push his luck since Mike already seemed pretty annoyed with him for even suggesting he’d go out and have fun. “It’s Valentine’s, and it’s a stupid commercial holiday, but I’m still gonna spend it here with you even if you sleep and drool all day, okay?”

“Okay, fine.” Harvey answered stubbornly, even though Mike was actually being very sweet. Then suddenly he was in the middle of a coughing fit and Mike was stroking his back, asking if he was okay. Harvey was about to answer, before he felt a wave of nausea wash over him and he tried his best to swallow and fight it back. Luckily, he succeeded and took a couple of small gulps of water to rinse his throat.

“You’re not sick a lot, are you?” Mike asked, even though it was clear that he already knew the answer. “I don’t think I’ve ever even seen you sneeze.”

Harvey let out a small laugh and shrugged at his boyfriend. “Yeah, you might be right about that.”

“Marcus told me you act like a brat when you’re sick.”

“Marcus _is_ a brat.”

Mike laughed at that, which made Harvey forget about how crappy he felt for a moment because Mike’s laugh was beautiful and every time Harvey heard it, he cursed himself for not realizing it earlier. They had lost so much time because of insecurity and bullshit, but Harvey tried not to think about it. Everything was okay now, great even, and Harvey wouldn’t change it for the world. Who would have thought they could actually manage a healthy, stable relationship?

Harvey then got up from his spot on the couch, and Mike actually reached for him to force him to sit back down. “I’m going to get your present.” Harvey said, which made Mike retract his hand and smile hugely.

“You got me a present?”

“Of course, you idiot.” Harvey answered, as he went into the guest room and retrieved the gift box. Mike was practically buzzing with impatience when Harvey came back. “Here you go.” He said as he handed Mike the box.

Mike grinned hugely. “Bigger than I thought it would be.” He said “Is it a pony?”

“Yeah, you and horseback riding, I’m sure that would go well.”

Mike lifted the lid and looked at the content for a moment before he suddenly realized just what he was given and his eyes grew wider and he started gaping, just staring at it.

“You okay?” Harvey asked, clearly more amused than anything else.

“It even has my name on it.” Mike said “He knows my name?”

“Should I be jealous?” Harvey asked on a chuckle as he reached out and got a blanket from the armchair, silently cursing his body for making him feel like he was freezing to death one second and burning up the next.

“This is real right, you’re not shitting me?”

“After the weekend you had planned for us, do you honestly think I would shit you about this?” Harvey asked. “I’m a dick, but not that kind of dick.”

Mike smiled fondly at him. “You got Michael Jordan to sign a basketball for me.” He said. “When I asked you-“

“You weren’t my boyfriend.” Harvey said “Besides, it was fun watching you squirm.”

Mike laughed again, not even caring about Harvey’s douchy comment. He looked down at the ball in his lap again, still refusing to take it out of the box. “Wait.” He said. “It says ‘can’t wait to meet you’.”

“Does it?” Harvey asked, playing along, even though he knew damn well what was written on that ball.

“Am I-?” Mike asked, not even able to finish the sentence.

“Jessica and I have a meeting with MJ next month, just going over some renewed contracts.” Harvey answered, and Mike was still staring at him with such intensity that Harvey would think it was funny, if it wasn’t so sad. “You’re coming with.”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?”

Harvey actually laughed out loud then, not caring if it made his throat and chest hurt.

“Thank you, thank you!” Mike said as he all but leaped across the couch and kissed Harvey full on the lips, clearly not caring about Harvey’s chapped lips or runny nose.

“Mike.” Harvey said as he gently pushed Mike away. “You’ll get sick.”

“Worth it.” Mike answered before he gave Harvey one last peck on the lips before he put the gift on the table. “I can’t believe I was going to take you to Boston, how lame.”

“It’s not lame at all.” Harvey argued at once, as he made sure Mike knew he was serious. It was sweet, and he’d spent a lot of time planning it, and it was personal and Harvey absolutely loved him for it.

“Speaking of Boston…” Mike said with a small smile. “Did you hear that Louis was going to go surprise Sheila?”

“What?” Harvey asked, and even though a part of him was slightly curious, he was also very annoyed with the fact that it was Valentine’s day and instead of having amazing sex with his boyfriend, he was discussing Louis Litt’s love life.

“Yeah, he told Donna, but didn’t want anyone else to know, but he needed Katrina to cover his work, and she let it slip when we were arguing over the pro-bono case, so I tricked Donna into telling me, and apparently he is looking to win her back.”

Harvey just stared at Mike for the longest time. “You have way too much time on your hands.”

“I multi-task.”

“You gossip.” Harvey argued, before sighing heavily. “Well, good luck to him, but…”

“It’s been a while.” Mike said, finishing Harvey’s sentence as the two of them were thinking the same thing. “I guess he just never let her go.”

“Yeah.” Harvey answered, and couldn’t help but grin when he noticed the way that Mike was smiling at him. So fondly, as if no one existed except Harvey and his pale skin and glistening eyes and runny nose. “So much fuss over a commercial holiday.”

“It’s a good excuse to be spontaneous, I guess.” Mike answered before leaning over and grabbing Harvey’s legs, before he sat down back down on the opposite side of the couch and put Harvey’s feet in his lap. “Logan took Rachel to Paris yesterday.” Mike said “She never takes a day off, let alone a long weekend. I’m telling you, Valentine’s, man.”

“Yeah, _man_.” Harvey teased back, and Mike pinched his foot. “Ow.”

“Now, shut up.” Mike said as he rested back against the armrest of the couch. “I want to see who gets the roses.”

“Fine.” Harvey said as he got comfortable as well before turning his head towards the screen. “Who are we rooting for?”


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So sorry for the late update, but I've just moved to a new apartment and school has been hectic.  
> Anyways, hope you enjoy.  
> By the way, I've stopped watching Suits, everything just annoyed the crap out of me, but I'll still finish the story!

Six months ago, Harvey never would have imagined himself falling insanely in love with Mike Ross. Even a crush or an infatuation seemed like a far stretch.

Five months ago, the possibility was suddenly there, alongside everything that meant. Fear of commitment, worries about their future, jealousy, insecurities.

Four months ago, there was no denying it for either of them. Passion, commitment, attraction. Everything was out in the open and everything seemed both possible and impossible at the same time.

Three months ago, his brother and sister-in-law had taken him aside after Christmas dinner and told him that he was an idiot and that he should not let ‘this one’ go because it was clear that he’d never felt that way about anyone before. They had been right on both counts, even though Harvey would never admit to the first one.

Two months ago, everyone from the office had found out about them. There had been drama, people deciding it was their business even though it clearly wasn’t, a couple of partners had gone to Jessica, and a second-year associate even took it up with HR. Jessica had become so irritated with the whole situation and all the gossip that she had taken it upon herself to storm into the bullpen and tell them that if anyone thought she had an inappropriate way of running her business then they were more than welcome to come and tell her personally.

The gossip had stopped after that.

Everything seemed to have changed around them as well. Logan and Rachel were still dating, even though they were taking it surprisingly slow given everything that had happened. Harvey didn’t really get involved, but he figured it was a good thing, even though he secretly still couldn’t stand the guy or what the two of them put Mike through. His boyfriend had been right though, if Mike could forgive them, then there was no reason for Harvey to hold a grudge when what had happened didn’t really concern him. Mike even seemed to be getting along with the guy whenever they had to meet at a social event. Harvey was seriously surprised. When had Mike become the mature one? Maybe he always had been.

Jessica and Jeff were back together too, but that was going slowly as well. Jessica had muttered some shit about having to regain his trust and the two of them being able to communicate better. Harvey hated the sound of that, but on the other side, he could easily relate given how his own relationship with Mike had started out. Jessica seemed happy with Jeff, and Harvey wanted that for the woman, but it still gave him an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach and he knew that it secretly worried Mike as well. They both knew that it was only a matter of time before Jessica would have to tell Jeff the real reason why Louis was hired back, but neither of them really talked about it. 

Louis’ efforts to get Sheila back had gone straight to hell, and apparently, she had been dating someone new when he showed up at her doorstep in February. He had become quite crushed after that, and Mike, Harvey and Donna had gone to his house and basically told him to get his act together and get back on the horse. He’d muttered something about her being the love of his life, but he’d showed up at work the next morning, which was more than they could have hoped for after seeing the state he’d been in.

Donna was also still free as the bird. Neither of the men that had battled for affection earlier that year had seemed worthy of her affection, and apparently both of them had thought they should be the center of her universe and didn’t like that she worked as much as she did. Donna was a strong woman and would never let anyone tell her how to live her life. Harvey had known that neither of them had been good enough for her, but that bar was insanely high so.

Another thing Harvey never thought would happen six months ago, was that he’d spend Saint Patrick’s day with the group of people that were currently getting drunk all around him inside the cozy bar that Rachel had picked out. Katrina was at the bar with Jimmy and Harold who were both trying to buy her a drink. According to Mike, they were both very infatuated with her and had been ever since Mike had dragged her along a couple of weeks ago when he was supposed to meet up with the guys after work. Harvey would have thought that Harold didn’t seem to stand a chance, but Katrina actually seemed to like him. Good for him. That wasn’t even the weirdest thing happening at the moment either, because at the table in the corner was Rachel and Logan, alongside a couple of Rachel’s friends from Columbia. And Mike.

Mike was very drunk, and Harvey just _knew_ that he was going to puke green later tonight, but Harvey figured he’d let the kid have his fun as long as he stayed happy-drunk. Not that it really mattered. _Everyone_ was really drunk. The kind of drunk you’d only get away with on Saint Patrick’s day. Harvey was sitting in a booth with Donna and Louis, taking in the insane scene in front of them. They were the only three people in the bar that refused to drink anything green and was more than happy with their Irish whiskey and red wine.

“What are they even talking about?” Donna asked on a snort as she saw Logan clasp Mike’s shoulder while laughing loudly. Seeing Logan Sanders in a green plastic hat was a sight in itself and Harvey knew that both Donna and Rachel had already taken plenty of pictures. “It’s so weird; it’s like an alternate reality.”

“Tell me about it.” Harvey said, but he was more amused than anything. Then one of Rachel’s friends seemed to ask Rachel something and she laughed and nodded before the girl brought a slightly uncomfortable Logan out on the dance floor.

Then Rachel got up as helped Mike to his feet and the two of them staggered over to the booth.

“Hey!” Mike said happily as he sat down next to Harvey and slung his arm around him. “Great party.”

“Yeah, it’s alright.” Harvey answered as he scooted closer to Donna so Rachel could sit down on the other side of Mike, which was a good thing since Mike could fall out any second.

“You having fun?” Rachel asked then, and looked to Donna and Louis. Donna grinned and nodded towards the bar where Harold and Jimmy were still visibly trying to woo Katrina. “Oh, god.” Rachel laughed drunkenly.

“They should be ashamed, look at them.” Louis said. “Embarrassing.”

“You can stop playing the dad, Louis.” Mike said, his voice slurry and his eyelids heavy. “It’s Saint Patrick’s day! The best day of the year.”

“I feel like every time I see you outside of the office, you’re drunk.” Louis said, and even though Mike snickered, Harvey glared at him.

“Leave him alone.” He said. “Why don’t you get us another refill and we can all be happily drunk?”

“We have work tomorrow.”

“Come on, Louis!” Both Donna and Rachel said at once, and it was actually very unfair. The two of them just became adorable when they were drunk.

“You’re right, Mike.” Donna said “This is the best day of the year, I look amazing in green.”

“And you.” Mike said as he poked Harvey’s chest. “Love Irish Whiskey.”

Harvey smiled at him, but decided not to comment the fact that Mike knew that he preferred scotch. Mike was right though, because even though Harvey refused to drink green beer or wear silly hats, he still went with Mike and Donna to see the parade, and he drunk whiskey instead of scotch. Traditions and all.

“You know what?” Mike said, and even though he was looking at the bowl of peanuts in front of him, Harvey realized he was talking to him.

“No?”

“You’re hot.”

“I’ll go get the drinks.” Louis said and with that he was gone from the table in a heartbeat. He walked over to the bar and within two minutes, Jimmy and Harold scattered and Katrina shook her head, but didn’t seem too upset about it as she went and joined the rest of them.

“What’s up?”

“Harvey’s hot.” Donna answered.

“Mike’s drunk.” Rachel said.

“Both very true.” Harvey said, and Mike laughed even more. Katrina snickered as well. There was just something about Katrina and Mike when they were drunk together, they were both lightweights and they were both funny and very… Honest.

“Oh, god.” Mike said as he looked between Rachel and Harvey. “You know what? You guys should get married. You’d make very pretty babies.”

And even graceful and wonderful Donna couldn’t contain herself as she all but choked on her drink before she started laughing uncontrollably. When Louis returned with their drinks, he just raised an eyebrow and asked “what?”, but no one seemed to be able to stop laughing long enough to give him an answer.

The rest of the night was quite the success, which was rare given their usual luck and behavior when too many of them got drunk at the same time. A group of frat boys came in around midnight, but they were barely able to stumble their way to the bar and hit on every woman there before they were thrown out again, which was quite an accomplishment. If you got kicked out of a bar on Saint Patrick’s day, you were a really shitty person.

Free shots, people in ridiculous costumes, some actual Irish people on vacation who  were forced to tell stories about the actual legend of Saint Patrick since no one actually seemed to know what it was all about, and way too many people starting to regret how much they’d had to drink.

“Can we go to the park?” Mike asked suddenly and rested his chin on Harvey’s shoulder. He’d slowed down on the drinking and Harvey had even gotten a cup of coffee in his system, so he seemed to mellow down when everyone else reached their peak. That still didn’t mean that he was anywhere near being sober, or even tipsy, but at least he could walk without falling flat on his face.

“It’s a little late, I think.” Harvey answered, and barely registered how much his own words seemed to slur as well. Whatever, it was all good. “Work tomorrow, maybe we should head home soon.”

“We should have invited Jessica, she would have liked this.”

“What are you talking about, she would have hated it.”

“Yes.” Mike agreed, as if he hadn’t just made the opposite argument. Harvey just snorted and put his arm around Mike’s shoulder and pulled him in closer, since he was practically buzzing with the need to walk around and annoy everyone else in the bar. Harold was passed out in the booth in the corner, and Rachel and Donna had switched tables to look after him while still having more fun than anyone else in the bar. Louis and Logan had done the smart thing and went home, since they all had work the next day, and Rachel’s friends, who seemed very nice had found a couple of guys and had left hours ago.

“She’s with Jeff now.”

“Yep.”

“She’s gonna tell him.” Mike said, almost sadly, and Harvey squeezed his shoulder before bumping his forehead against Mike’s temple, forcing him to turn around and face him.

“Hey.” Harvey said. “She ain’t gonna tell him.”

“Ain’t?”

“Ain’t.”

Mike actually snickered then, before taking a deep breath. “We’ve been together forever.”

“Well, not forever, but.” Harvey said, and cocked his head to the side. If he wasn’t drunk, he might have been aware of how easily Mike changed the subject. “Why, does it feel like forever?”

“Nah.” Mike answered casually before rearranging his body so he was resting his back against the side of Harvey’s chest. “The sex is still awesome.”

Harvey chuckled, which caused Mike to giggle. After a little while, Mike turned his head and looked up at Harvey with offense in his eyes. “Why aren’t you agreeing?”

“The sex is _a_ -mazing.” Harvey agreed before kissing the top of Mike’s head. Mike hummed happily then, clearly happy with Harvey’s response. Harvey snorted again, as if Mike weren’t already fully aware of that fact. In a way, even Harvey found it a little odd. He’d never been in an actual exclusive relationship for more than three months before, which he knew was pretty fucked up, but after what he’d heard, he might have thought the sex might become predictable or boring after a certain period of time. That had not been the case with Mike, and he couldn’t really imagine a time where that would ever be reality.

The sex was amazing. Some nights after a huge win they would celebrate with heated kisses and hands all over each other, adrenaline still pumping through their veins as they struggled to get naked even before they made the bedroom. Other nights, especially when it had been a rough week for one or both of them, they would take it slow and find safety and satisfaction in one another. Every once in a while, Mike would completely surprise him and it would feel like their first time all over again.

He kissed the top of Mike’s head again, and wrapped his arms more tightly around him. Mike wiggled impossibly closer, before laughing as she saw Jimmy showing off his dance moves to Katrina. Rachel had already ran after her to the bathroom once because the blonde needed to throw up, but after that she had stopped drinking and actually felt a lot better.

Then suddenly Rachel was standing in front of them, smiling fondly at the two of them. “I’m going to head out.” She said.

“Bye, Rachel!” Mike chimed, and Harvey couldn’t help but shake his head and roll his eyes. Rachel just chuckled.

“Good night, Mike.” She said “Night, Harvey.”

“See you tomorrow?”

“I have class, so I’ll be in a little later.”

“Right, class.” Mike answered with a wink, clearly not believing her, even though Rachel was not the kind of person to make up an excuse to get in late for work, as hungover as she might be.

“Get home safe.” Harvey said. “You need me to walk you out?”

“Logan sent a car, actually.” Rachel said “It’s right outside, but thank you.”

“Bye.”

The moment she left, Mike turned around sharply and glared at Harvey. “I can’t believe you flirted with my ex-girlfriend.”

“Flirted?” Harvey asked with a smirk on his face. Mike didn’t even seem that mad, just drunkenly annoyed. And for no reason at that. “Well, you were the one who suggested we’d make pretty babies.”

“I would never!” Mike argued, and Harvey couldn’t help but grin.

“You don’t remember, you also said that Rachel and Donna would make pretty babies, and me and Logan.”

“If you make babies with Logan, I will die.” Mike said, sounding almost desperate. Harvey shook his head with disbelief before he leaned in and kissed the bridge of Mike’s nose.

“I promise I won’t.” He said, and if Mike thought he would never live down the time he puked down Harvey’s entire bathroom, he would be in for quite the unpleasant surprise when he woke up the next morning and hopefully remembered all the embarrassing things he’d done the previous night.

“Hey, rookie.” Donna said as she slid in opposite of Harvey. “They’re waiting for you on the dance floor, apparently you’ve made some very serious accusations about your dance skills.”

“Yeah, I’ll show them!” Mike answered proudly before he kissed Harvey’s cheek with a loud smack, he then got up and slid around the table to kiss her cheek as well, before he made his way towards Katrina and Jimmy who were shouting at him to join them.

“He looks like an idiot.” Donna had to say on a laugh as she pointed towards the group. What Mike was doing couldn’t even resemble dancing, it looked more like he had something in his pants that he tried to shake out.

“I know.” Harvey said as he leaned back to properly take in the sight. “I’m going to marry him someday.”

Donna turned to look at him before smiling.

“I know.”


	52. Chapter 52

It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t a fairytale. It wasn’t a guaranteed happy ending. It wasn’t waking up next to each other every morning and being grateful for the fact that the other person still loved you. Harvey didn’t go to sleep every night thinking about Mike, and Mike didn’t wake up every morning with Harvey being the first thing on his mind. It wasn’t like the stories, where Harvey still drowned in Mike’s eyes whenever he looked at him. They couldn’t always make up with an apology and a kiss. It wasn’t perfect.

It was much better than that.

It was stable and it was a real relationship. It was hard work and the two of them were both committed to making it work no matter how difficult things got. Harvey might not drown in Mike’s eyes on a daily basis, but when Mike touched the back of his neck tenderly and rested their foreheads together, Harvey could still see the glimpse in his eyes that made him hire him in the first place. Mike didn’t wake up every morning thinking about Harvey, but whenever the two of them hadn't spent the night together, he barely made it through breakfast without being excited to see his boyfriend again.

Because they loved each other. They were still _in love_ with each other. They still made time out of their busy schedules to see each other, to appreciate each other without the need to prove anything. It was a reassurance really, to know that even though the thrill that they had felt when the thing between them had started, was fading away with time, Harvey and Mike could still feel a rush of excitement in other aspects of their relationship.

“Are you nervous?” Harvey asked, an amused smirk on his face that Mike felt the need to smack away.

“No.” Mike answered stubbornly. “Yes.” He admitted.

“Don’t worry.” Harvey said as he threw an arm around Mike’s waist and guided him towards the house.

“I feel like a teenager.” Mike said as Harvey knocked on the door twice before opening it. Mike was actually afraid he would vomit, which was weird, because he wasn’t a teenager, he was an adult, and he needed to pull himself together.

“Look who’s here!” A female voice said as soon as they made their way inside and Mike tried his best to smile politely as Harvey moved his hand to Mike’s lower back and guided him through the hallway. “You must be Mike.” She said and reached out her hand for Mike to shake. “I’m Katie.”

“Nice to meet you.” Mike said as he shook her hand. She was quite beautiful. Her black hair reached her shoulders, and she appeared to be in the middle of baking something based on the flour spots on the apron she was wearing. She looked like a mom. “I hear that I have you to thank for me not spending Christmas with a pile of court documents and Chinese take-out.”

She smiled at him before winking at Harvey. “Just call me Jiminy Cricket.” She said. “Come on in.”

Mike was actually shaking as he took his jacket off, and it wasn’t helping that Harvey seemed thoroughly amused by the situation. After Valentine’s day, Mike had actually forgotten all about their planned trip to Boston. The weeks turned into months, and they had both been too busy to take a whole weekend off, so when Harvey had come into his office one day and dropped two tickets to a Red Sox game on his desk, Mike had been very surprised. It was the major league so either Harvey had better connection that Mike thought, which wouldn’t surprise him at all, or he had planned it for a while.

So here he was, in Boston, ready to meet Harvey’s family. Well, ready wasn’t exactly the word he’d use. Mike had talked with Marcus on the phone a couple of times, and so far they had gotten along, but actually meeting Harvey’s brother was terrifying for so many reasons, one in particular that Mike had tried his best not to mention to Harvey. He didn’t want to lie about his life if Marcus or Katie were to ask, and he certainly didn’t want Harvey to feel obliged to lie for him.

Then suddenly they were in the living room, and Mike was shaking Marcus’ hand and getting a pat on the shoulder, and Harvey was hugging his niece and nephew and Mike was pleasantly surprised at how easily Harvey went into uncle-mode.

Marcus was just as nice as Mike had imagined, and the two of them had a lot in common. Harvey had mentioned once or twice that Marcus usually got into all kinds of trouble when they were younger, and was happy that he had finally gotten his shit together. He had a good job, a house and a wonderful family. He was happy. Still, it was more than a little fun for Mike and Marcus to compare life stories since they had both been quite reckless back in the day.

It was even more fun when Marcus threw Harvey under the bus as well.

“Really, Reginald?” Marcus said with a quirked eyebrow. “I seem to remember you were the one who ran away from Campus Security because you were caught smoking weed with Jenna Coin.”

“I did not-“ He said, starting to defend himself as he turned around to make sure the kids hadn’t heard them, but they were happily playing with Katie on the floor next to the television. Mike was just laughing.

“And you still managed to get into Harvard?” Mike asked. “It’s a miracle you weren’t kicked out of NYU, how did you swing that?”

“I wasn’t actually smoking it, I was just trying to get Jenna to come to this party with me.” Harvey argued. “And I outran the guard, he never got my ID.”

Mike dried a fake tear away from the corner of his eye. “I’ve never been prouder.”

Harvey just sighed, while Marcus started laughing again. “Mike!” Stella suddenly chimed as she came running towards the dining room table. “Come see what Uncle Harvey got me for Christmas!”

“Of course!” Mike answered as he got up from the table, only turning once to smile back at Harvey.

“Me too!” Jake chimed in. Mike could only imagine how weird it must be for Harvey to see how much the two grew between each time he had the time to go and visit them.

“Let’s go, monkey.” Mike said as he threw a laughing Jake over his shoulder. “Come on, Stella, we’ll race you!”

Stella giddily ran towards the stairs and towards the playroom upstairs, and all but ignored Mike when he told her to be careful. Jake was just happy being carried around like he was an airplane.

*

Mike had completely lost track of time when Katie and Marcus joined them in the playroom and told them it was time for Stella to go to bed. Jake had already been put down a couple of hours earlier and was sleeping peacefully in Katie and Marcus’ room.

“No!” Stella had argued, but Katie had given her just one look before Stella sighed dramatically before agreeing.

“Clean up your toys, sweetie.” Marcus said before he sat down next to Mike and helped his daughter put everything away in their respective places. Mike smiled fondly at them, and when he looked back up at Katie, he saw that Harvey was also standing in the doorway.

Harvey smiled at him, and Mike went up from where he was sitting on his floor to go join him, but Stella gripped his leg and looked up at him curiously. “Mike?”

“Yes?” Mike asked back as he bent down again to get on the same level as her.

“Are you and Uncle Harvey getting married?”

Mike’s response was supposed to be cheeky and cool, and he would turn around and wink at Harvey, instead, all that came out of his mouth was an incoherent stammer.

“Sweetie, that’s enough questions.” Katie said, and Mike really wanted to thank her even though she seemed amused by Mike’s reaction. “Say goodnight.”

“Night.” Stella said happily before she grabbed her father’s hand and all but dragged him towards the hallway towards the bathroom so she could brush her teeth.

Katie gave Mike a knowing smile before she patted Harvey’s shoulder and went to check on Jake.

“Apparently Stella has been acting out a bit lately.” Harvey said, hands in his pockets, as he made his way towards Mike. “Jake can’t stay in Marcus and Stella’s room anymore and they either have to make the playroom into his room or he and Stella have to share, she’s not happy with either option.”

“I can imagine.” Mike answered, trying to be just as cool as Harvey.

“We should probably get back to the hotel.” Harvey said and nodded his head towards the door. “It’s getting late.”

“Yeah.” Mike said as he yawned, realizing just how tired he actually was. It had been a long day. He then swallowed heavily before looking down at his feet. “I feel awful.”

Harvey’s brows furrowed and he took a step closer to Mike and put his hands on Mike’s upper arms, rubbing them carefully. “Why?”

“I’d forgotten what it’s like.” Mike said. “Having a family.”

Harvey’s features softened immediately and he went from confused to compassionate in no time. “Mike.” He said.

“You’re my family, okay.” Mike said at once, so Harvey wouldn’t misunderstand what he was saying. “And Donna, Louis, Katrina, even Jessica in some weird way, but…”

Harvey didn’t say anything else, instead he listened and let Mike finish, which Mike appreciated because he was struggling with finding the right words. “Watching television with dad while mom and Grammy cleaned up after dinner, things like that, I’d forgotten what it feels like.” He said. “I feel bad.”

“You were young when they passed away.” Harvey said as his hand rested on the side of Mike’s neck, and Mike leaned into his touch. “You’re bound to forget some things, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to forget them, your parents or your grandmother.”

Mike nodded before he looked up and met Harvey’s eyes. “Yeah.”

“You know.” Harvey said, offering Mike a smile. “Marcus told me just now that you got the official stamp of approval; no one has ever gotten that before.”

Mike chuckled. “Has anyone ever been given the chance?”

Harvey shrugged. “I think I’ve talked more with my brother since we started dating than I have for years.” He said. “You make me appreciate what I have.”

Mike didn’t even know what to say to that, so instead he just leaned in and kissed Harvey. It was supposed to be a short, but firm kiss, just for reassurance, a thank you, maybe. It was so much more, one of those rare ones that still made Mike’s stomach feel like it was filled with butterflies.

He hummed against Harvey’s lips before he pulled back. “We should really get back to the hotel.”

“Yeah?” Harvey asked on a grin.

Mike nodded “Yeah.”

Thankfully, Harvey had rented a car so they didn’t have to wait for a cab. Katie had insisted that they could stay with them, but Harvey had politely inclined. Mike found it funny, cause he knew that Marcus had called Harvey beforehand and told him that Katie would ask them to stay with them, but Harvey _had to_ say no because Katie and Marcus only had a couple of hours to themselves after the kids went to bed and he refused to let Harvey ruin that. That was exactly how Mike had imagined having a brother would be like.

Besides, it wasn’t like he and Harvey couldn’t afford a good hotel for a couple of nights.

The car ride was so comfortable, and Mike was half asleep by the time they actually made it to the hotel. As soon as they made it through the door to their room though, Harvey’s hands were all over him, and Mike quickly regained his energy. His jacket, shoes, belt and shirt was on the floor before his brain could even register what was happening. He stopped kissing Harvey long enough to grin up at him, and Harvey just shook his head in disbelief before his mouth was back on Mike’s.

*

The next morning, Mike woke up by the sound of Harvey’s dreadful alarm. They were supposed to have the weekend off, so Mike reached across Harvey and turned it off, earning a groan from his boyfriend as he effectively elbowed him in the stomach. “Sorry.” Mike muttered before he flopped back down onto the bed.

Harvey turned around and kissed Mike’s chest once before he rested his head in the crook of Mike’s neck, his arm lazily spread over his hips. “What time is it?” he asked.

“Don’t know, it was your alarm.”

“Oh, yeah.” Harvey answered, as he seemed to regain his senses and wake up properly. “We have a day planned, you know.”

“I believe I was the one who planned it.” Mike said, finally opening his eyes. “You just stole my schedule for Valentine’s day.”

“Are you complaining right now?” Harvey asked, and Mike shook his head before turning it towards Harvey, who was already occupying half of his pillow.

“Last night was fun.” Mike said with a stupid grin on his face, and Harvey gave him a quick peck on his lips.

“You really love hotel sex.” Harvey answered, and Mike almost blushed at the comment. “I mean, I thought you were just very excited at New Year’s, but apparently, the idea of a borrowed bathrobe and overpriced snacks really gets you going.”

“Are _you_ complaining right now?”

Harvey shook his head against the pillow and grinned hugely. “I’m _really_ not.” He answered. “You ready for today?” He asked, and he sounded almost insecure which made Mike frown. There was something he wasn’t telling him.

“Born ready.” Mike answered “Why?”

“You just…” Harvey said carefully, trying to find the right words to say. That was really something that had changed since the two of them had started dating, before that, Harvey had been brutally honest. He was still truthful, but now he tried to approach sensitive subject with a little more finesse. “Last night, before we left Marcus’, things got a little emotional.”

“Okay.” Mike said, stopping him from making his point. “I was tired, okay?” he defended himself. “I really want you to show me around the school.”

“You sure?” Harvey asked. “It’s okay if you don’t want to be reminded of what you could have had.”

Mike took a deep breath, because it was always difficult when Harvey put into words exactly how he was feeling about something before the thought even crossed his own mind. “You sent me there once, remember?” Mike asked. “I’ve been there before, but I want _you_ to show me beyond the usual tour. Show me where you studied, or where you stalked Scottie, or your favorite lecture hall.”

“I never stalked Scottie.”

Mike chuckled.

The Harvard experience through Harvey’s eyes was something entirely different than the one Mike had endured with the Law student tour. Harvey still pointed him towards the libraries and the lecture halls, but since Harvey was Harvey and he didn’t give a shit about the ‘residents only’ or ‘only for faculty members’ signs, Mike also got to see everything else.

“You wanna check it out?” Harvey asked as they wandered through the hallway of the dorm rooms, and spotted an open door. He peaked his head inside. “Nobody’s home.”

“Which doesn’t really make it any better.” Mike argued, but he was curious nonetheless and decided to follow Harvey into the room. “It’s small.”

“It’s bigger than the shoe-box you lived in when I met you.”

“Not true.” Mike argued as he took in the size of the dorm room, imagining what it must all be like. Sharing with a roommate, probably someone you had never even met before who probably borrowed your shit without asking, having the whole experience of sharing a bathroom with everyone else on you floor. “Is this how you lived?”

“Yep.” Harvey said answered before cocking his head to the side. “Well, at least my first year, then I lived in a housing apartment with a couple of buddies.”

“Huh.” Mike replied. “Can’t really imagine you living with anyone.”

“I lived with you, didn’t I?”

“What are you doing here?”

The two of them turned around to see a confused guy who looked to be in his early twenties staring at him.

“Just looking for Charles.” Harvey replied casually as he put his hands in his pockets.

“Oh, Branxton?”

“Yeah, exactly.” Harvey answered with so much confidence that even Mike struggled to see through his bullshit.

“He’s just down the hall, to the right.” The kid answered and both Mike and Harvey thanked him with confidence before they hurried outside. Mike couldn’t help but giggle like a teenager that had just gotten out of detention.

“Charles?” he asked.

“There was bound to be a Charles here, even if that kid hadn’t known him.” Harvey answered as they strolled down the hall, glancing back occasionally to make sure that the guy wasn’t checking up on their cover story.

“This was a lot more fun than hearing about how many famous people have graduated from here.” Mike said, remembering the tour that he had been on the last time he had been to the school.

“Was I on the list?”

“What- no.” Mike replied. Sometimes Harvey’s cockiness was just too much, but he couldn’t help but grin at him nonetheless. He always loved it whenever Harvey shared something with him, something that few other people had seen before.

“It should be.”

“Maybe if you invent teleportation or become president.” Mike quipped back as Harvey lead him back outside. “Where are we going?”

“You want some coffee?” Harvey asked, ignoring Mike’s question as he walked over to the nearest coffee cart.

“Yeah, thanks.” Mike answered as Harvey paid for the two cups and handed one to Mike. “Hey, can we sit in on a lecture?”

Harvey shrugged. “Do you want to?”

Mike nodded with a smile.

“Let’s go.”

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for Harvey to sneak Mike into a lecture, and maybe Mike shouldn’t have argued better than anyone else in the class about advanced corporate transactions and drawn a lot of attention to himself, but he loved it so much. Mike had never really felt like he belonged in school, because everything just came so easy on him and the teachers often ran out of extra projects and assignment for him, so he would just sit in the back of the class reading a book.

When he had faked his story to Louis about failing Gerard’s class, he had told him that Harvard had been no different, that it had come just as easy. He couldn’t have been more wrong. Yes, he had already read all the curriculum in his spare time and memorized it all, but the discussions were fun and insightful and the lecturer challenged his students.

Suddenly, Harvey peaked his head inside while Mike was in the middle of an ongoing discussion with someone else in the class. The lecturer looked right at Harvey, asking him if he needed help with anything.

Mike had turned around and caught Harvey’s attention, before he hurried to excused himself and followed a grinning Harvey outside. “What if he had recognized you?” Mike asked as soon as the door was closed behind them. 

“I never had that guy when I went here.” He answered before he grabbed Mike’s wrist and dragged him with him.

“No, but you’re _famous,_ remember?” Mike teased, the grin still covering half of his face.

As soon as they were back outside, where the visitors was actually allowed to go, Mike stopped and took a deep breath. “What have you been up to?”

“Bought a bagel, tried avoiding Professor Gerard and anyone else I might know.” Harvey answered with a shrug. “Not much really. You looked right at home back there.”

“It was fun.” Mike said before he took a hold of Harvey’s arm and dragged him along. “Come on.”

“Seriously, Mike.” Harvey said, and Mike knew that Harvey wasn’t going to let it go any time soon, even though Mike didn’t really want to think about it. “You would have kicked my ass if you’d been in my class back then.”

“Please, I was like seventeen when you graduated.” Mike said, trying his best to change the subject on how much he had actually loved all of it. “We wouldn’t have been in the same class. You’re so old.”

“Just saying.” Harvey said, completely dismissing the comment Mike made about his age.

“Well, today was great.” Mike answered before he looped his arm through Harvey’s and guided them through the yard. “Awesome, even.”

“I’m glad.” Harvey said. “You should have had more than a day here.”

“We can come back tomorrow after the game, if we have the time.” Mike suggested casually.

“That’s not what I meant.” Harvey said, and Mike sighed heavily before stopping dead in his tracks.

“Don’t, okay?” Mike asked. “I had a great time with you today, and I’d rather just think about it as just that, an awesome day with my awesome boyfriend, instead of a glimpse into the life I could have had if I hadn’t screwed it up.”

“Okay, sorry.” Harvey said. “You still got the life though, in the end.”

Yeah, with constantly worrying about being thrown in jail or someone he cared about getting hurt because of his secret. Mike knew he had really messed up back then, he had been smart enough to get into Harvard, hell, he _did_ get into Harvard and shit had hit the fan and Mike had screwed up. By now, he could have lead the exact same life without all the drama or worrying or the stress he pushed onto those he cared about. He tried to tell himself that his life wouldn’t have been the same and that Harvey might not even have hired him if things had been different and that they certainly wouldn’t have the bond they had now with everything they had gone through. Still, it was painful to see everything he had missed out on.

“Yeah.” Mike answered with a smile before he leaned in placed a kiss to Harvey’s jawbone. “I did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of you are worried that it's just going to be fluffy-fluff for the rest of the story.... You really shouldn't worry about that. It's me we're talking about. And no. I won't start watching Suits again, I read some of the recaps from time to time and i check the tag on tumblr, but ugh. No. Maybe in the future.


	53. Chapter 53

Harvey didn't know when everything had changed. He used to say that he had goals, not dreams, and whenever he reached his goals, another one would appear. That was still true. He had his name on the wall, and seeing it every morning still sent a feeling of accomplishment shivering throughout his entire body. That had been his ultimate goal, and now that Harvey had reached it, his next one would be to keep it there, to keep his reputation as the best closer in the city while still being a fantastic name-partner. He wanted their company to grow, to become even better. He wanted them to be the best of the best.

Still, things had changed though, because Harvey Specter could no longer deny that he didn't also have dreams. Blame it on Mike Ross and his stupid grin and the freckles on the bottom of his spine. There were so many things that Harvey now wanted that he couldn't really consider to be goals to be reached.

“Have you talked to him yet?”

Harvey looked up from where he was answering some e-mails to see Donna looking at him with big, sympathetic eyes. Harvey’s lips curved up in a crocked smile as he shook his head. “Not yet, thought I’d give him some time, why?”

“No reason.” Donna said. “Have _you_ thought about it?”

“What’s there to talk about?” Was Harvey’s reply.

“Sometimes you have a habit of living a little too much in the moment.” Donna answered as she took a few steps closer to the desk. “You know, not thinking the future into consideration.”

“Well, Mike always thinks about the consequences of everything, so I guess we complete each other.” Harvey replied, and his smile always faltered from his face as the words left his lips. Mike didn’t used to be like that, he used to be spontaneous and take huge risks. At the time, Harvey hadn’t exactly appreciated it. Like when Mike told Rachel his secret, or when he got drunk with Trevor, or high with Tess. Harvey hadn’t been a fan.

Now, he sort of missed that side of him. Mike could still be spontaneous and fun, but he rarely took risks anymore and Harvey knew it was because he was worried about what the outcome might be. If it would land him in the spotlight and questions would be asked that his boyfriend couldn’t answer. Basically, Mike seemed to worry a lot more than he had before. At times, it was a good thing and one of the few things keeping them safe whenever the company was under the microscope or they were up against someone who took things too personally. Still, Harvey didn’t want Mike to worry. He just wanted him to enjoy life and be who he was born to be without having to re-think every decision he took.

Donna smiled and sat down in the chair opposite of Harvey then. “I can’t believe you two are still together.”

“What’s there not to believe?” Harvey asked, mock-hurt clear in his voice. “I’m an awesome boyfriend.”

“Aha.” Donna answered with a knowing smirk. “Still, both of you were pretty messed up in the beginning.”

“What can I say?” Harvey said, but it wasn’t really a question and he wasn’t going to finish the sentence either. There was no need.

“Yeah.” Donna agreed, and sometimes it was so easy to talk with her because she just _knew_ without Harvey having to explain a thing. “You told me you were going to marry him someday.”

“Donna…”

It wasn’t that difficult of a question really, and Harvey should have known that no matter how drunk everyone had been at the time, Donna wouldn’t have forgotten about it.

“Are you?”

Harvey just smiled, but didn’t answer, and all Donna could do was smile back.

“Are you two done undressing each other with your eyes or should I come back later?”

Harvey couldn’t help but grin as he looked up to see Mike standing in the doorway.

“Actually.” Harvey answered as he leaned back in his chair and folded his hands on top of his chest. He offered Mike a smug grin. “If you could come back in an hour or so and close the door behind you, that would be great.”

“You’re an asshole.” Mike said as he walked over to the desk and threw a file in front of Harvey. “I got us a witness.”

“No shit.” Harvey said, and he was genuinely surprised that Mike was able to pull that off. “You got one of them to testify?”

“Yes.” Mike said. “In details too, it should all add up.”

“Look at you, puppy.” Donna said with a grin as she got up from her chair and looked him up and down. She wiped a fake tear from her eyes. “Mommy’s so proud of you.”

“Please, you are way too young to be my mother.”

“Now who’s flirting?” Harvey interrupted with a knowing smile as he looked up from where he was reading Mike’s file. “This is golden, Mike.”

“I know.” He said “I’ll go set up a meeting with opposing counsel.” Just when Mike was about to leave, he turned around in the doorway. “Oh, and I think I deserve dinner tonight.”

“If you play your cards right, you’ll get dinner and a show.” Donna answered with a wink, and Harvey couldn’t help but snicker.

“Are you flirting with Mike _for_ me?”

“Well, we both know I’m better at it than you.” Donna said as she turned to face Harvey. “You’re welcome.”

Mike only laughed and winked back before he exited out the door.

“See.” Harvey said as he pointed towards the door. “He’s totally fine.”

“Then why didn’t he mention anything?” Donna asked.

Harvey didn’t answer.

"He looks tired."

Harvey still couldn't answer.

*

 

 

Mike felt as if he was drowning. Water was coming in all around him, and no matter how much he struggled, he couldn’t seem to get to the surface. The worst part of it was that he didn’t even mind.

Even with his flawless memory he still couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t lying to those he cared about. He often lied to his grandmother about where he’d been and what he had been doing, telling her he was going to work or had a date so she wouldn’t give him that look of disappointment whenever he hung out with Trevor. He lied to Tess, he lied to Clare, he lied to Jenny and he lied to Rachel. He had lied to Louis, Jessica, and Katrina. It had all blurred together and Mike could hardly keep track of who knew what anymore.

Mike had even lied to Harvey. Not lately though, not after they had gotten together and Mike had become so obsessed with making it work that lying to Harvey hadn’t even been an option. Before that, when he lied about Trevor being back in his life, about things that Jessica had told him and so it went on and on.

He always told himself that he did it to protect them, or protect himself, it didn’t really matter in the end. Mike felt like such a hypocrite when he thought about all the times when he had gotten mad at Harvey for doing stupid shit to protect him when Mike was the same.

In a way, Mike probably lied to Harvey on a daily basis, but the truth was that he hadn’t even been aware of it. Whenever Harvey had asked him how he was doing and Mike would answer with a ‘fine, how are you?’, or when Mike told Harvey he was okay with Rachel dating Logan. If he told the truth and said he wasn’t okay with it, Harvey would get the wrong idea and everything would turn to shit. Harvey would think Mike was still in love with Rachel, he’d get insecure and jealous and they would probably fight through a lot of misunderstandings, so instead, Mike kept his mouth shut and told him he was okay with all of it.

Mike wasn’t in love with Rachel. He was in love with Harvey. He knew that it was possible to be in love with two people at the same time, because he had been, before. Now, he only loved Harvey and he doubted that would ever change. But Rachel being with Logan and the two of them getting serious meant that Rachel would now have to keep Mike’s secret from someone else she cared about. It probably wasn’t something that would come up, but one day she might have to lie for him again and it wouldn’t be to protect Mike, who she loved and who she wanted to have a life with. It would just be to protect Mike. Mike Ross. Ex-boyfriend and sometimes-friend. That wasn’t what she had signed up for. She wasn’t like the rest of them who had found out on their own, Mike had told her. He had put that responsibility on her.

It made Mike feel sick. The same way it made him feel sick when Harvey was sleeping peacefully beside him and Mike couldn’t relax because he just kept thinking about the fact that Jessica might soon tell Jeff, or Donna might find someone who she didn’t want to lie to, or Logan Sanders would come to his door and punch him in the face.

It made him sick because he loved Harvey so much, he loved the family had finally found so much and he felt like he was tearing them down, leaving them unable to live their lives to the fullest. It made him sick because if anyone actually found out about him then his family would be taken down with him. Mike would never in a million years throw any of them under the bus, but he didn’t trust them not to put the gun to their own heads. Especially Harvey, who had already told Mike to put it on him, even before they were together.

When Rachel and Mike had been together, Mike had thought about it a lot too, but it had been different. He had wanted a family with her and was afraid that he’d ruin it all if it were hanging over their heads. Now, Harvey who he loved so much, who still showed up at his office at the end of a long day to take him home, was his family. Louis, who bitched about the new associates while they went out for lunch, was his family. Donna, who still kept Mike on his toes and was on his side even when he was a dick, was his family. Even Jessica, even Rachel, even Katrina.

Those dysfunctional families that you’d think only existed on TV. Mike finally had one of those.

What made him sicker than anything was that people didn’t leave Harvey, and Mike was becoming painfully aware of the fact that someday he might. If someone got too close, it might be enough to resign, but what if wasn’t?

Mike tossed and turned at night thinking about it. After Harvard, after meeting Harvey’s’ family, it had suddenly hit him like a lightning bolt, everything that had been building up inside him for the last months. Louis giving him a chance to get out, Harvard – how he could have had the life without the worrying, Katrina telling him what a huge risk he was taking- not just for his own sake, but for everyone else as well.

Mike’s work was still flawless, there was no strain on his relationship with Harvey, he still went out for beers with Jimmy and Harold every now and then, and he still bickered with Katrina and friendly-flirted with Donna. Honestly, he thought he had been hiding it well. Clearly, he had forgotten that Harvey knew him too well for his own good.

“You want to tell me what’s been going on with you?” He had asked casually as the two of them were walking across the park after having dinner. The weather was nice and it was finally getting warmer outside so Harvey had suggested they’d take a walk before heading back to his place.

“You tell me.” Mike answered, “You were the one who wanted to _walk_ when he would be in a car on the back to your place to have awesome sex right about now.” Harvey smiled faintly, and Mike bit his bottom lip in anticipation before he bumped Harvey’s arm with his own. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“I know something’s been bothering you.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Stop it with the questions as answers thing, you know I hate it.” Harvey said, even though he had been the one to teach it to Mike in the first place. “Come on, you want to play twenty questions?”

“Nothing’s going on, Harvey.” Mike said. There it was. Another lie.

“So you’ve just been distant and not sleeping for no reason at all?”

Mike stopped dead in his tracks, and Harvey only took one more step before doing the same and looking Mike in the eye. His expression was soft, but curious, and Mike didn’t even know what to say. “You’ve noticed?”

Harvey only nodded. “Look, I know you’re worried, okay?” He asked. “We’ve talked about this, but is there something else you’re not telling me?”

Mike shrugged as if it was no big deal before he started walking again. “I just never meant for it to get this far.”

“Mike, a lot of shit has happened since you came along, but a lot of good has happened too.” Harvey answered as he moved a little closer to Mike. “The firm would probably still be called Pearson Hardman if it weren’t for you, hell, it might even be Hardman-Hardman now.”

“Hardman-Hardman?” Mike asked with a small smirk.

“The guy’s a dick, wouldn’t surprise me if he named it after himself twice.” Harvey replied. “Hey, stop for a second.” He said as he put his hand on Mike’s shoulders, making him stop and face him. His hands roamed from his shoulders and up to the side of his neck, which made Mike shudder. “I love you, okay? Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“I’m just tired of lying.” Mike said “And I’m tired of everyone else having to lie for me.”

“I know, hey, I know.” Harvey replied as he started stroking Mike’s jaw with his thumb. “But you don’t have to lie to me.”

“I’m trying not to.” Mike answered, trying his best to sound as honest as possible to let Harvey know that he really was trying his best

“I hate it when you’re upset.” Harvey said as he leaned in and kissed Mike’s forehead before wrapping his arms around him. It was comforting, protective, and it was something they rarely did. Hugging, just standing there and holding onto each other. Mike let out a breath of relief.

“I love you too.” Was all he could answer into Harvey’s shoulder, as if they both knew that a storm was coming and all though they both wanted to, no one seemed to be able to do what was necessary to stop it from happening. “It’s almost scary.”

Harvey let out a small laugh and pulled away slightly. “Tell me about it.” He answered, and took Mike’s hand in his own before they started walking again. “Jessica might tell Jeff.”

Mike’s heart caught in his throat. “I know.” He answered.

“I’ll talk to her.”

“Don’t.” Mike answered. “It’s not your problem.”

“The hell it isn’t.” Harvey replied, and suddenly everything changed. At first, Mike though he was irritated or mad, but he just sounded genuinely concerned. “Have I done something?” he asked.

“What?” Mike asked, suddenly realizing how tired he was as he struggled to find the words to make it okay again. “No!”

Harvey shook his head and withdrew his hand and Mike was surprised by his own reaction as he let out what sounded like a heartbreaking sob. Harvey immediately stopped again and Mike desperately tried to cover up the sound he had just made. He actually had trouble breathing, even though it probably didn’t show.

“Mike, what the hell?” Harvey asked as he pulled him away from the trail and made him sit down on a bench nearby.

“Sorry.” Was all Mike was able to say because he was exhausted embarrassed and he felt completely hopeless. This was exactly what he had been hoping to avoid by not telling Harvey anything, and it had been stupid and childish because whenever they did this, things boiled up and everything was misunderstood. Mike wanted to kick himself.

“Just tell me what the hell is going on with you.”

“I’m just tired-“ His eyes actually felt like they were on fire.

“No, cut the bullshit and talk to me right the fuck now.” Harvey replied, and now he actually sounded mad. “Because the way you’ve been acting and what you just said about it not being my problem makes me think that you’re going to break up with me-“

Mike’s eyes shot up despair and it wasn’t until then he realized that Harvey suddenly looked worse than Mike probably did at the moment. “No.” Mike croaked out before he managed to pull himself together enough to reassure Harvey. “No, I just don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

Harvey sighed heavily. “Mike, Mike, you have got to listen to me because I keep saying this, but you don’t seem to understand. I hired you knowing exactly _what_ you were, I fell in love with you knowing exactly _who_ you were, and I still want _you here_. I chose this, I choose you.” He said “I am an adult, everything that happens, happens because I made my choices and I knew the consequences and I’d do it again.”

“I can’t sleep.” Mike confessed. It was all he could say.

He didn’t even realize he had been crying until Harvey stroked his cheek. “You’re exhausted.” Harvey said and Mike nodded. “We can talk about this in the morning, you can get the morning off and we-“

“ _You_ don’t get it, Harvey.” Mike said desperately. “When you hired me and gave me a chance, you made me feel passionate about something again, you sparked this interest inside of me and even though I can’t fucking sleep knowing what I put you guys through every day, I’m still too terrified of letting that go.” He said. “I love you, I _love_ you and I keep thinking that I’d do anything for you, but I fucking can’t, because I’ve been given the chance over and over again to quit and to let you live your life and be safe, and I wouldn’t have to worry about you or anyone else, but I _can’t!_ ” He said, and when he finished, Harvey actually looked scared. “I can’t let it go, the job, the work, the life… And I can’t let you go either… And it’s killing me.”

Harvey let out a soft sob then, there was no crying, just a heartwrenching sound, but he didn’t answer. He didn’t seem to be able to, too terrified and numb by Mike’s words and maybe they both finally got it.

None of them could let go and none of them ever would, and what should be the most reassuring feeling ever, suddenly felt like drowning.

Mike had finally said it out loud. He couldn’t quit his job and he couldn’t quit Harvey. Mike had put his life in Louis’ hands all that time ago because he had reassured himself that he would be fine either way, even if he didn’t have the job, he would still be fine. Maybe that had been a lie too. Maybe everything had changed since then.

"Is this about what Jessica offered you?" Harvey asked, and Mike's eyes shot up in surprise.

"You know?" Mike asked and then scoffed. "Of course you do, why weren't you the one to tell me?"

"You know why." Harvey said, calming his voice again. Mike nodded, sometimes it was really hard being in a relationship with your boss. “You don’t have to take it…:”

“Of course I want to be partner.” Mike answered. Even saying it out loud felt good, but it still ached as well. “But Jessica told me a long time ago that I could never be in the spotlight, how the hell am I supposed to do that if I’m partner? I can’t just act as second chair on any major case that might pop up.”

“I’ve thought about it too, Mike.” Harvey answered, and he sounded so mature and understanding that Mike almost wanted to hug him again. The truth sometimes hurt, especially when it came from Harvey, but in a strange way it was reassuring to know that Harvey thought about the dangers of it all too, and that Mike wasn’t just being paranoid. “But you’d be an amazing partner and you’d have the chance to help so many people, that’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Mike answered. “I just can’t get that voice in the back of my head to shut up.”

“So whatever you do, you’ll be unhappy.” Harvey said, and Mike hated the tone of his voice.

“I’m not unhappy.”

“You’re not happy, either.” Harvey answered, and looked down at their entwined fingers between them. Mike couldn’t even remember taking a hold of Harvey’s hands.

“Hey.” Mike said “Just because I worry doesn’t mean that I’m not happy, I’m doing what I love and I’m with the one I love, okay?” He said, hoping that Harvey understood because the last thing he wanted was for Harvey to somehow feel that it wasn’t enough. “….And if I someday have to give one of those things up, then I’ll deal with it.” Harvey looked up at him then, but he didn’t say anything and Mike offered him a genuine smile. “I meant the job, by the way.”

“You better have.” Harvey answered. “Me too.”

“Hey, it won’t come to that.” Mike said stubbornly. “Besides, you’ve worked too hard to get where you are. What are you going to do? Just resign and come live on a farm with me in Oklahoma?” He asked jokingly.

Harvey shrugged. “Some fresh air would do me good.”

Mike didn’t even know what to say to that.


	54. Chapter 54

Congratulations, celebrations, toasts and pats on his back. A part of Mike, the one in the back of his mind who was still whispering that he was a fraud and nothing more, kept telling him that he didn’t deserve any of it. The other part of him though, the one who couldn’t be prouder of what he had accomplished, knew that it wasn’t true.

The partners who shook his hand and welcomed him onboard and the associates that were slightly jealous of him, but congratulated him nonetheless- none of them the truth about his past, all they had seen was the work he had put in at the firm and they all thought he deserved it. Harvey had been grinning so proudly when Mike’s promotion had been officially announced that Mike couldn’t help but think that his boyfriend looked ridiculous. Still, it was all good. Katrina and Rachel both discreetly told him that there was no one more deserving of it, Donna offered to get the can opener, and Louis patted his back with a stupid smile on his face. Even Jessica had smiled knowingly at him as she made the announcement.

It was all like a dream, and Mike had to pinch his own arm a couple of times to make sure that it wasn’t just that. Not that he’d had many good dreams lately. Getting everything off his chest and finally telling Harvey how he felt had actually helped a lot in terms of getting a decent night of sleep. Since that night in the park, Mike had barely spent a night alone. Every night after work, whenever Harvey offered to give Mike a ride home, Harvey would either end up going back to Mike’s place or Ray just drove straight to Harvey’s apartment. Mike would glare at Harvey, silently telling him that he didn’t need a babysitter, but Harvey would just smirk innocently at him.

“Guess sleeping with the boss has it’s perks after all.”

Mike was about to turn around and give someone a piece of his mind until he realized who the voice belonged to. “I still believe my boss is the one who is getting the better end of this deal.” He said as he turned around and faced a cocky-looking Harvey. “I’m quite the catch.”

“Hm.” Harvey answered as he cocked his head to the side. “Seriously though, congratulations.”

“Thank you.” Mike replied, nervously fiddling the glass of water in his hand. He felt like everyone was judging him or sizing him up or something, even though most of the partners had already disappeared back to work. “Feels weird.”

“Good weird or bad weird?”

“Definitely good.” Mike answered with a huge grin on his face. For a moment, with Harvey looking at him like that, there was no doubt in Mike’s mind that he deserved to get the title as partner. He felt overwhelmed, yet content all at once. “I was thinking we could celebrate tonight.” Mike said with a sheepish grin on his face.

“Of course.” Harvey said, as if he had been planning it for weeks. Mike really hoped he hadn’t, because things had been so intense lately that he wanted nothing more than to have a decent night of sleep. “You, me, _the breakfast club_ and a bowl of popcorn?”

Mike sighed happily. “You really know how to impress a guy, Harvey Specter.” He answered. It sounded perfect. Of course Mike wouldn’t have minded it if Harvey had taken him out to dinner, or if they’d gone out for drinks to celebrate, but he was really glad that Harvey could see that what Mike needed was a stress-free night. He couldn’t ask for anything else.

“And sex of course.”

Mike’s eyes shot open as he looked around to make sure no one was listening, but no one seemed to care enough to listen in on their conversation.

“Obviously.” Mike replied, his voice much lower than Harvey’s, who acted like he was invincible at the moment. Mike found it kind of funny, wasn’t he the one who should have that attitude? “Please me more discreet at work.”

Harvey shrugged and grinned with confidence. “I hope my next associate isn’t such a prude.”

“Screw you, asshole.”

Mike hadn’t even thought about that, of course he couldn’t still be Harvey’s associate now that he was partner. He already felt a sting of something in his chest as he imagined someone else being Harvey’s go-to-guy. Mike knew it was stupid of course, every other associate would probably kill to be promoted to partner as fast as Mike had been, and finally have to stop answering to someone else all the time. In the back of Mike’s mind though, he couldn’t help but secretly hate the idea that this meant that he’d see even less of Harvey and that someone else would spend all their time with him. There was no way Mike wasn’t going with Harvey to those interviews, if he was getting replaced, he wanted a say in who it was. He shrugged as he realized how much of a jealous and slightly stalker-ish he sounded.

“You okay there?”

Mike snapped back to reality and nodded at Harvey. “Yeah, of course.” He said. “I should get back to work.”

“Me too.” Harvey replied. “I’ll see you later- oh, and don’t screw it up. You’ll put me in a bad position.”

“Yeah, love you too.”

Harvey smirked slightly, clearly amused. “What happened to being discreet at work?”

Mike shrugged then. “Who were we trying to kid?” he asked. “We’ve never been discreet. “

**

The bowl of popcorn was lucky it didn’t end up on the floor, and the movie was forgotten about after the first ten minutes. Harvey’s hand was warm and steadying against the back of Mike’s neck as he pulled Mike’s lips against his own. Mike was sprawled across Harvey’s lap, his fingers threading through his boyfriend’s hair and his legs pressed against the side of Harvey’s thighs.

Priorities and all that.

Harvey’s mouth shifted to kiss his way across Mike’s jaw, before making his way from his ear to the crook of his neck. Mike moaned at the sensation, and as usual, he just wished Harvey would hurry the fuck up. Not that he was complaining. Not at all.

Mike pressed into Harvey, rocking their hips together and Harvey groaned loudly as he pulled back to look Mike in the eye. It was just for a moment, but Mike was taken back by how gorgeous he looked. Everyone knew Harvey Specter was handsome, beautiful even. Still, Mike thought he knew better than anyone did. When Harvey looked at Mike like was about to unravel, to break down and give himself completely in a way that went way beyond sex, that was when he was more beautiful than anything. Mike knew without a doubt in his mind that no one else had seen Harvey that way.

“I love you.” Mike said softly before leaning down to kiss Harvey again, feeling Harvey’s fingers squeeze his hips. He said it because he could, because he wanted to, because he could say it all day, every day and Mike still didn’t think it would ever change, that the words would mean anything less than they always had. He just loved Harvey, simple as that.

Harvey moaned against Mike’s lips as a response. It didn’t matter, Mike knew what his reply would have been if Mike had given him a chance to answer. They both knew.

Harvey’s cheeks felt hot against Mike’s hands as he palmed his face. He pulled back enough to catch his breath as he started unbuttoning Harvey’s shirt, and groaned unhappily when Harvey put his hands on top of Mike’s to stop him.

“Bedroom.” Harvey said. His pupils were blown and his words came out breathless.

“Now who’s the prude?” Mike quipped, as he refused to move and instead he started to press open-mouthed kisses down the side of Harvey’s neck.

“Do you know how much it would cost to get this couch dry-cleaned?”

“You can afford it.” Mike said before leaning back and looking Harvey in the eye. “Better yet, I can pay for it now that I’m a partner.”

Mike was taken back as Harvey practically growled at those words, and until he knew what was happening, Harvey had lifted them both off the couch. Mike instinctively wrapped his arms around Harvey’s neck and his legs around his waist, and refused to admit how hot it was that Harvey could carry both of them to the bedroom.

“Fucking hell.” He breathed out, and that probably was confession enough, but Harvey’s mouth was back on his in an instant. It was amazing, sure, it was almost amazing, but something in Harvey seemed slightly different, and whatever it was, Mike was loving it.

Harvey wasted no time getting them both naked, but even though they knew each other’s bodies perfectly now, he still took his sweet time in exploring his way from Mike’s mouth down to his crotch. He licks one long stripe up the side of Mike’s length, and Mike was pretty sure he was seeing stars at that point. It should be completely ridiculous, he was not a teenager and he and Harvey did this all the time.

Still, Mike couldn’t help but let out a quiet ‘please’.

Harvey smirked at him and Mike only glared back. “Relax, rookie.”

“Not a rookie anymore.”

Harvey grinned as he kissed Mike’s stomach, making his way up his chest, before settling against the side of Mike’s neck. Mike wouldn’t be surprised if he had hickeys the next morning, but there was no way he was going to tell Harvey to stop.

Then Harvey reached down between their bodies and took them both in his hand, kneaded them together, pressing his forehead against Mike’s as they both tried to slow their breathing. Harvey nudged Mike’s legs apart and Mike quickly got the message and spread them wide open. It felt like forever as Harvey worked him open, moaning hotly in Mike’s ear.

“Mike.” Harvey sighed as he met Mike’s eyes and it only took a moment for Mike to shift slightly to wrap his leg around Harvey before he flipped both of them over, settling on top of Harvey once again. “Fuck.” Harvey breathed as Mike smirked at him once before lowering himself onto Harvey.

One of Harvey’s arms immediately wrapped it’s way around Mike’s back while the other one settled on his hip. Mike put his hand on the side of Harvey’s neck and all but forced him to sit up, so he could kiss him. Mike hissed slightly at the change of position, but quickly forgot all about it as they moved together. So perfectly, so coordinated, as they were born to be together like that.

Harvey growled again, and this time there was no mistaking the heat in his eyes or the way he gently bit Mike’s bottom lip. “So fucking proud of you.” He said in-between heavy breathing and moans. So that was what had gotten Harvey so hot and bothered? Mike wasn’t sure if it was the fact that he was partner, or the fact that Harvey had taught him everything he knew to become partner, but he really didn’t care. Harvey was hot, like really hot, and damn if Mike wasn’t enjoying every second of it.

Mike was so damn close, but then he was suddenly flipped back over onto the bed with his back pressed firmly against the matrass and Harvey was over him, all around him, making Mike feel like he was the most important thing in the universe.

Afterwards, it might have been minutes, might have been longer, Harvey turned his head to look at Mike. He still looked slightly drunk, at least intoxicated in some way, and Mike couldn’t help but laugh fondly at him.

“I never thought this would be my life.” Harvey said, and Mike knew exactly what he meant.

“Me neither.” Mike answered. “I just hoped it would.”

Harvey is the one to smile fondly then as he reached out and entwined their fingers, before letting their joined hands rest between them on the pillow.

“Weird.”

“Very.”

It was weird. Very weird. Still, when Mike looked back, he couldn’t imagine his life turning out any different than with him falling head over heels in love with Harvey Specter. Beautiful, charismatic, gorgeous in every way, kind and caring, but still tough as nails. Yeah, Mike never stood a chance.

Harvey laughed softy as he pressed the side of his face against the pillow. What were the odds that Mike would end up in that interview that day, that Harvey would give him a chance instead of reporting him to the police, of Harvey actually liking him and seeing something in him, of Mike falling in love with him, and then, Harvey loving him back. Astronomical, probably. Improbable, at least. Clearly, not impossible.

Mike leaned in closer and pressed a kiss to the corner of Harvey’s mouth, before settling back against his own part of the bed again. Even that felt strange sometime, that Harvey liked sleeping closer to the door while Mike preferred being the one closest to the window. Even that fit perfectly. Weird. Very weird.

“You told me once that you liked it when I laughed.” Harvey said then, and Mike had to think for a moment before he remembered what Harvey was referring to. It was very random, and Mike wondered for a second what Harvey had been thinking of which made him say that out loud.

“Even when you’re laughing at me.” Mike answered with a smile, which made Harvey smile as well, probably because Mike also remembered that day as clearly as he seemed to. “Seems like forever ago.”

“Seems like yesterday.”

“Weird.” Mike said as Harvey lazily started scratching Mike’s shoulder.

“Very.” Harvey replied on a laugh. Mike was about to lean in closer to kiss him again, when they were interrupted by the sound of Harvey’s phone chiming.

“Whoever it is, they can wait.”

“What if it’s my new associate wanting a booty call?”

“Seriously, screw you.” Mike answered and threw his pillow at Harvey’s face.

“You just did.” Harvey said and then grinned cockily at his boyfriend. Mike would seriously slap that grin off his face if he made another joke about sleeping with his new associates, even though he or she hadn’t even been hired yet. Harvey could probably see how irritated Mike actually was, and leaned in closer and kissed his shoulder. “Perfectly I might add.”

“Damn straight.”

Harvey’s grin only grew bigger as he reached behind him to get his phone from the nightstand. Mike felt an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach as Harvey’s smile faltered from his face as he read the text he’d received. “What is it?” Mike asked, trying to think of everything that could make Harvey look like that and hoping for the best possible outcome.

Harvey sighed heavily before he dropped the phone down on the bed, before he turned to look at Mike. “Jessica told Jeff.”


	55. Chapter 55

After months of worrying about it, Harvey honestly thought that Mike would have a panic attack once he told him that Malone knew Mike’s secret. After all, Mike had barely slept and all but isolated himself in terms of letting Harvey know how he felt, because he had been so terrified of another person finding out and what the consequences might be.

When Harvey told him though, Mike didn’t freak out, he didn’t get mad or upset, he just looked at Harvey for the longest time before nodding and muttering out an ‘okay’.

Harvey was a little taken back by the reaction, since he had already practiced in his head what he would say to calm Mike down. “Okay?” He asked with raised eyebrows as he sat up in the bed and rested his back against the headboard.

“Yeah.” Mike answered, looking up at Harvey with tired eyes. Those same eyes had been filled with laughter and energy just a few moments ago. “Okay.”

Harvey sighed before he poked Mike’s leg with his foot. “That’s it?” he asked.

“I knew it was going to happen eventually.” Mike answered, casually. “It wouldn’t be fair for either of them to try again with that hanging over their heads, and it certainly wouldn’t be fair for Jessica to have to give him up.”

“Would you stop being so goddamn self-righteous?” Harvey said then, his voice was both more stern and loud than what he was aiming for, but he couldn’t help it. “This could be a problem, you know!”

“Wow.” Mike said then as he too sat up to be on the same eye-level as Harvey. “I thought you were supposed to be the calm one when it came to this, what happened to ‘everything is going to be okay’?”

Harvey didn’t even answer, instead he grabbed his phone and shook his head. “I gotta call Jessica.”

Mike put his hand on top of Harvey’s in an attempt to stop him from making the call, Harvey looked up and glared at him. “Do you honestly think that’s such a good idea?” he asked. “What if she’s still with Malone, give her some time to work this shit out.”

“Give her some time?” Harvey asked. “Mike, this is your shit we’re talking about here, _our_ shit, and she just dragged it all over Malone’s floor.”

“That was disgustingly descriptive.” Mike commented.

Harvey should really be happy that Mike wasn’t freaking out, but strangely enough that left the freaking out up to Harvey. Harvey, who had been the cool and steady hand throughout the whole mess, was now the one who was struggling with the situation. All kinds of scenarios was running through his head, and he started to understand why Mike hadn’t been sleeping well. It turned out that Harvey being so protective of Mike meant that he _had_ to keep his cool whenever Mike couldn’t, so now that Mike was the one who seemed surprisingly calm, Harvey finally had a moment to think about what the consequences of someone else finding out could be.

Apparently, Harvey must have been looking at Mike with quite the facial expression, because Mike was eyeing him up and down as if he’d never seen the man before. “Are you having a heart attack?” Mike finally asked, and that was Harvey’s que to get his act together.

He took a deep breath, trying his best to regain his composure. It felt like his chest was going to explode.

“Shit, are you having a heart attack?” Mike asked as he scattered around on the bed and sat up on his knees, putting one hand on Harvey’s shoulder and the other one on his knee.

“No, shut up.” Harvey muttered, but he felt nauseous, as if something wasn’t right. He focused on Mike, and the worry in Mike’s eyes that had been erased a few hours earlier, was now present again. Harvey knew it was his own fault, and he felt awful because of it. “I’m fine, sorry.” He said. “Been a long week.”

It was a lie, and both of them probably knew it, but Mike nodded anyway and offered Harvey a smile as he squeezed Harvey’s knee. “Yeah.” He agreed, half-heartedly. “You’re really old, don’t scare me like that.”

Harvey scoffed before he mockingly pushed Mike away. “Fuck you, junior.”

Mike smiled at him, it wasn’t forced, or sympathetic, just huge and beautiful and it made the ache in Harvey’s chest disappeared bit by bit. A few minutes ago they were both so happy in their afterglow, and now another curveball had been thrown at them. Harvey would be lying if he didn’t say that he secretly loved the rush that came with their rollercoaster of a life, but sometimes it was really overwhelming. Their highs and lows often blended together, and whenever he came out the victor, whether it was in his work-life or in his personal-life, Harvey felt like he was on cloud nine. Now though, the only thing he wanted was for things to settle down for a while.

The grip on his phone tightened again, and Harvey hadn’t even realized that he was still holding it. In a split second, he decided to reply to Jessica’s text because not knowing what was going on was literally driving him crazy.

“Harvey…” Mike said, almost like a warning, but Harvey only brushed him off.

“I’m just asking how he took it.” Harvey answered before sending the text, and putting the phone back on the nightstand.

“Well, I don’t hear any cops banging on the door.” Mike said. “Yet.”

“Why are you so calm about this?” Harvey asked, because frankly, it was getting a little annoying. Mike didn’t seem that concerned with himself or anyone else who as involved in their big mess. The latter was what worried Harvey the most, because he knew that had been the thing Mike had been feeling most guilty about; everyone else he would be dragging down with him if he were to be exposed.

“Do you think Jeff would throw Jessica under the bus?” Mike asked. “Because he really loves her.”

“Maybe.” Harvey said, a lot more skeptical than Mike. “I know that he’s smart, and that he won’t be happy about the fact that Jessica lied to him _or_ that she’s kept a fraud in the company for so long.”

Mike almost flinched, and Harvey knew that his boyfriend hated it whenever Harvey called him a fraud, as if it was a reminder of something Mike knew so well, but didn’t want to be reminded of. Mike had never told him, but Harvey was still very aware of it.

“Thanks.” Mike answered almost bitterly, even though Harvey knew that he wasn’t really mad.

“You know I hate it when you’re upset.” Harvey said, remembering how he’d told Mike the same thing that night in the park. The night when Mike admitted that he couldn’t fucking sleep because he was sick with worry and anxiety. Harvey hated that now he was the one who had put that facial expression on Mike’s face, the one who looked like he was ready to give up. “I just don’t want everything to come crashing down, we should be prepared.”

“I’m handing in my resignation tomorrow.” Mike said before he threw the sheets off himself and got up from the bed. “I’m done.” He said before he stalked over to the bathroom.

Harvey was left sitting on the bed, staring after him. The ache in his chest came back, and he had to swallow heavily to stop the nausea from overflowing. Harvey felt dizzy, like he needed to sit down, except that he already was.

He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting there when he heard the doorbell ring. Instinct told him to go open it, but Harvey couldn’t quite seem to get his body to work properly at the moment. It was strange and uncomfortable to say the least. Moments later, he could hear voices and he realized that Mike had opened the door. That was his clue to take a deep breath and get his shit together.

Harvey got dressed quickly, and ran a hand through his hair before he went out into the living room to see Mike and Jessica staring back at him.

“Harvey.” Jessica said with a small nod. “Nice of you to join us.”

Harvey should have quipped something back, but he seemed unable to come up with anything at the moment as he walked over to Mike, protectiveness kicking in. Mike didn’t even seem to acknowledge him.

“Jeff didn’t take it all too well.” Jessica said, and Harvey actually had to give her some credit. He knew that Jessica cared greatly about him and would never have told Jeff unless she thought that they might have a chance of having something real. Still, there she stood, holding her head high. Damn that woman was good. “He said he needed some time to think.”

“About what?” Harvey asked. “The two of you or—“

“He didn’t specify and I didn’t seem the need to press the matter any further.” Jessica replied sternly, before Harvey even had the chance to finish his sentence.

“Why did you tell him?” Harvey asked, his own voice sharp and accusing. Mike nudged him in the side, telling him to calm down. “You’re the one who’s constantly on Mike’s case about keeping his mouth shut!”

“Hey!” Mike said, and Harvey hadn’t realized how condescending he’d sounded until Mike called him out on it. “Don’t be such a hypocrite, Harvey.”

“Excuse me?”

Mike looked at him; both anger and sadness so visible on his face that it all but blended together. “You told Scottie.” He said, the bitterness clear in his voice. For a moment, Harvey was hurt, and slightly mad, but then it dawned on him what Mike had told him earlier. He was done. Mike seemed so done with all of it, with the lying, the secrets, the constant worrying. It wasn’t that long ago that he’d admitted to Harvey that he wasn’t able to let it go, now he seemed more than ready to just drop everything and crawl into a hole.

“Harvey.” Jessica said, and it wasn’t until Harvey registered the worry in his voice that he realized that he suddenly had difficulty breathing. He coughed, trying his best to cover it up, but instead he just felt nauseous.

He was Harvey Specter, and he could play the part better than anyone. “Fine.” He muttered, and then he turned to Mike. “I know, sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Mike’s voice had changed from angry to concerned as well, and Harvey silently hated it, he didn’t need any pity. “We were over that a long time ago, but just try to remember why you told her.”

Yeah, it seemed like a lifetime ago, but he knew that it wasn’t and he could still remember how hopeless he’d felt that night. Harvey had wanted her to stay, to give them a chance, to be honest with her for once. It wasn’t that Harvey couldn’t understand why Jessica had told Jeff, he just really wished that she hadn’t. The more he thought about it though, the more he realized what Mike had been trying to tell him for so long. The two of them were perfectly happy in their own little bubble, because they knew each other so long, and they didn’t need to keep secrets from each other. For everyone else involved though, it wasn’t that easy. Harvey didn’t want for their friends to never be able to be with someone fully because they always needed to keep that secret, to lie on their behalf. That was what Mike had been trying to say, but Harvey was so wrapped up in their relationship and making sure that Mike was happy that he hadn’t really listened.

“So what’s our game plan?” Harvey asked, because they just needed to look forward. Said and done, and all that.

“We wait it out.” Jessica said on a sigh. “He’ll probably talk to Louis, god knows how that’s going to work out, I’ll give him a head’s up.”

“Did you tell him that Rachel knew?” Mike asked. “Katrina?”

Jessica shook her head. “Didn’t really get a chance to go into details.”

“What does he know?” Harvey asked, it was kind of important to know exactly what Jessica had told him.

“He knows what’s important.” Jessica answered. “That Mike’s a fraud, that I knew, and I kept him around anyway.” She sounded like she was protecting Malone and punishing herself.

“No wonder he’s pissed.” Harvey said. “You know that’s not all there is.”

Mike seemed to have gone completely quiet beside him, and Harvey wanted to prod that head of his to find out what he was thinking of.

“Maybe not for you, Harvey.” Jessica said, and Harvey knew she was right. The relationship that Mike and him had shared from the start, the reason Harvey had even given him a chance in the first place, it was very different from what Jessica and Mike had. Jessica had hired him because he was good, he impressed her, and deep down, Jessica knew that Mike deserved a chance to do what he was so brilliant at. With Harvey there had always been something more, something much harder to explain.

“I’m handing in my resignation tomorrow.” Mike said, and both Harvey and Jessica turned their attention back to him. “If the threat’s not there, then things will cool back down.”

“I appreciate that, Mike.” Jessica said. “But it won’t change what I did, what any of us did.”

“It won’t hurt.”

“I’m afraid it might.” Jessica replied. “You were just made partner, today in fact, if you quit now, suspicions will only rise.”

Mike actually looked like he wanted to cry, and Harvey wanted nothing more than to palm his cheek and reassure him, but they seemed way beyond that for the time being.

Jessica seemed to understand that this was something they needed to talk about, partner to partner as she nodded slowly. “I should get home, it’s getting late.” She said. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I’ll walk you out.” Harvey said, making a point out of squeezing Mike’s shoulder as he walked past him.

Jessica stopped in the doorway, and looked over Harvey’s shoulder, probably to see if Mike could hear them. “Look, Harvey.” She said in a voice that was very unlike Jessica, and Harvey held up a hand to stop her.

“Don’t.” He said. “Mike was right, I was being a hypocrite.”

“Well, yes.” Jessica agreed with a smirk, and Harvey couldn’t help but glare at her. “I know the timing couldn’t have been worse with Mike’s promotion, but Jeff was fed up with the secrets and I had to tell him.”

“I get it.” Harvey answered, as he felt himself calm down. He knew what it was like to feel like you were cornered, and you had to choose which foot to shoot. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Get in early, would you?” Jessica asked, even though it really wasn’t a request. Harvey nodded, as his mind wandered to what Jeff would say or do now that he knew the real reason why Louis was promoted as well.

“Sure.” Harvey answered with a nod, as Jessica left for the elevator. He closed the door behind her and leaned heavily against it. He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed heavily. When Harvey opened them again, Mike was looking right back at him, and Harvey offered him a small smile.

“You okay?” Mike asked, and Harvey frowned, because shouldn’t he be the one to ask that question. He didn’t say that though, instead he nodded and walked over to his boyfriend, putting his hands on his shoulders.

“Yeah, you?”

“Sure.” Mike answered bitterly, and Harvey hated that tone in his voice, because it was so unlike Mike to talk like that.

Harvey’s hands dropped and he pinched his nose, not even knowing what to tell Mike anymore.

“I should get going.” Mike said, and Harvey hadn’t even noticed that Mike had gathered his things.

“No, come on.” Harvey said, as he reached for Mike’s arm to stop him from leaving. “Stay, we can talk about this. Or not, we could just go to sleep.”

“I just need to think, okay?” Mike said, and he didn’t seem mad at Harvey. A part of Harvey wished that his boyfriend actually was upset with _him_ , because then they could fight and get it over with. Mike was so passive-aggressive and quiet that Harvey didn’t know how to handle him, there was literally no real reaction and it was impossible for Harvey to get a good read on him. It was a feeling he was very unfamiliar with.

“About what?” Harvey asked, and it sounded stupid to his own ears. The answer was obvious, but he knew how Mike always overthought everything and sometimes he ended up making things worse than they were. “We don’t even know what Jeff thinks about all of this yet, just stay here and we can-“

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Mike said, and Harvey’s mouth fell open. It was like talking to deaf ears, as if Mike refused to listen to him. To be honest, in that moment, Harvey felt as if they were strangers instead of in a committed relationship.

Mike didn’t even kiss Harvey goodbye, or squeeze his hand, he just walked straight past him and out the door.

Harvey was left standing in the middle of his living room with a feeling of utter hopelessness. He didn’t know what to say, what to do, if he should chase after Mike or not. Harvey felt as if he was being pulled in a hundred different directions and none of them seemed like the right one. He was name-partner at his firm, he had a brilliant boyfriend and wonderful friends, and it suddenly felt like everything he cared about was disappearing through the crack of his fingers.

The dizziness and ache in his chest that had come over him earlier, was back, only worse. He had to fight the feeling of gripping onto his chest as his breath came out ragged, and he had to take a step backward to grip the edge of the counter to steady himself. Nausea overwhelmed him and his heart pounded within his chest, and all he could hear was the flow of blood rushing through his body. He barely managed to get around the counter and vomit into the sink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking this story in a different direction than what I had planned so there will be a few more chapters than what I originally imagined. The ending will still be the same though.   
> Hope you're still enjoying my updates.  
> Oh, and I love angst.


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. I've been in the hospital...  
> Anyway, here you go.

Mike felt awful at how he had left Harvey the previous day. Harvey hadn’t exactly reacted well to the news, and Mike had just left him alone to deal with it. To be honest, even though Mike felt bad about how he had left things, he didn’t regret leaving. He had needed to be alone, to get some fresh air and to think things through without Harvey affecting his thoughts and decisions. Still, he knew that he shouldn’t have just walked off the way he had.

After walking around for a couple of hours, with nothing but the noise of the city to distract him, Mike had actually felt a lot better. He had progressed everything that had happened, from the moment Harvey had told him that Jeff knew, to what Jessica had said, to his own thoughts on the matter. No wonder Harvey had looked so uneasy; Mike probably should have reacted some way instead of just acting like he’d thrown in the towel. Jessica had been right in telling him that he shouldn’t quit now that he’d just been promoted, it wasn’t thought through very well. For the time being, he just needed to wait it out, just like Harvey had told him. It wasn’t healthy for him to constantly worry about the things he couldn’t change.

It wasn’t the end of the world. At least not yet.

He had called Harvey the next morning, an apology ready and rehearsed. At least it was the weekend and if Mike had any luck at all, he wouldn’t have to deal with any more drama until Monday.

It took a while before Harvey picked up, and when he finally did, he sounded like he had been asleep.

“Hi.” Mike said. “Did I wake you?”

“What?” Harvey answered, and Mike could hear him scrambling around before muttering a ‘shit’. Mike could hear Harvey drop something on the floor.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, fine.” Harvey said. “Jessica has called like two times, I was supposed to get in early today.”

“I thought you had the morning off.” Mike said, lowering his voice as he felt a rush of guilt overcome him once again. He knew that Harvey owed Louis a big favor because the guy had promised to cover a meeting for him that morning, since Harvey and Mike were supposed to be celebrating his promotion.

“Yeah, well.” Harvey said, and Mike knew what that meant. Damage control.

Mike felt a sting of annoyance for a moment. He was a grown up and this was mainly his mess to clean up. Why hadn’t anyone told him that they were going to discuss strategy?

“Fine.” Mike said. “Want me to meet you there, or?”

“You have the day off, Mike.” Harvey said stubbornly, and Mike wanted to punch him through the phone.

“Are you kidding me?” he asked, even though he really didn’t expect or want an answer. “You don’t think it concerns me?”

“Of course it does.” Harvey said. “But I think you made it pretty clear that you don’t give a shit anymore, so just leave it to me to clean it up. Okay?”

Mike wanted to yell, or hang up on him, but he couldn’t do either, because a part of what Harvey was saying was absolutely fair. If Mike had showed Harvey that there was some fight left in him, then maybe Harvey wouldn’t have been so cold towards him. Still, he felt like Harvey was crossing the line.

Mike bit his lip. “I’m sorry about how I left things, okay?”

“Yeah.” Harvey said, and there was something in Harvey’s voice that Mike couldn’t read. Whether it was annoyance, disappointment or something else entirely, Mike couldn’t tell. Suddenly, Mike remembered the fight they had over Scottie, all that time ago, when Harvey had told him he would stop doing stupid shit that he’d have to apologize for.

Maybe Mike should have listened and taken his advice.

“Listen, I got to go.” Harvey said. “Just… We’ll talk later, okay?”

That had been that, and Harvey had hung up before Mike had a chance to answer. It had been a strange feeling, as if they had many unresolved feelings and things that had been left unsaid. Whatever, they had been through worse.

Except that Mike acting like he didn’t care about shit, might be worse than any passionate fight they had ever been in.

Luckily, Harvey had called him that night and they had talked and talked for what felt like forever. Mike apologized again for his behavior, but he didn’t say what he probably should have, that he still cared. Harvey accepted it, and told Mike what had happened with Jessica, but he didn’t mention how he had felt when Mike had left the previous night. They talked about the play Louis was in, and Harvey sent him a picture that Donna had took of Louis in a wig. They discussed the meeting Mike had on Monday, and Mike told Harvey about the disastrous date that Katrina and Harold had been on that apparently had ended spectacularly. They talked as if nothing was wrong, even though something clearly was.

Mike had promised to out with Harold and Jimmy the next day and celebrate his promotion, and Harvey had planned to out with Donna to lunch, so they just decided that they’d see each other on Monday. It wasn’t unusual for them not to hang out if they had a busy weekend, but usually they put a little more effort into seeing each other period.

So, just because Mike had finally figured out how to feel about Malone finding out, that didn’t mean that Mike wasn’t nervous as hell as he’d walked into the office Monday morning. As usual, whenever someone found out, he felt like all eyes were on him, even though no one probably glanced at him twice. A first year associate walked up to him to congratulate him on his promotion and Mike almost jumped out of his skin.

He knew that he needed to talk to Harvey, even though he was afraid that they’d end up getting into a fight or childish discussion. Mike was just going to go to his own office to drop off his things, when he stopped dead in his tracks in his doorway when he saw Malone sitting in his chair.

Mike sighed heavily, before toughening up and putting down his messenger bag. “Can I help you with something?” he asked, the discontent clear in his voice.

“No. I’m good.” He said, as he leaned back in the chair and Mike really wanted to kick it across the room so his ass landed on the floor. It wasn’t like he knew that he didn’t deserve whatever Malone wanted to throw at him, but Mike was tired of being judged by people who didn’t know the whole story. He had barely slept, and he wanted nothing more than to go back home and crawl up next to Harvey and sleep for a week.

“Okay then.” Mike said. “Make yourself at home, I have to prepare for a meeting.” He said before turning around to head for Harvey’s office.

The meeting wasn’t until noon, but Mike really wasn’t in the mood to argue with Malone at the moment. Mike had no idea what Jessica and Harvey might have told him, but he knew that he’d rather ask Harvey than listen to Malone make his own conclusions about everything that had happened since the day Mike was hired.

“You’re not going to try to defend yourself?” Malone asked, as he got up from his chair. Mike sighed heavily and slowly turned around to face him. “After what I’ve been told that’s usually what you do when someone finds out what you are, you impress them, right?”

He sounded bitter, as if Mike was personally offending him just by standing in front of him. Just twenty-four hours earlier he had shook his hand and congratulated him. Mike sighed and shrugged.

“What’s the point?” he asked. He didn’t want to tell Malone that he wanted to quit, or that he was better than any other associate in the building. He didn’t feel the need to have Malone test him on his abilities as a lawyer, or to give him some sob story about the orphan kid who had fucked up everything as he tried to be a good friend. There really wasn’t a point in it. “Excuse me.” Was all Mike said as he left his own office, not even bothering to defend his territory. He knew that it was unlike him, but he couldn’t find himself to care at the moment as he headed for Harvey’s office.

Donna wasn’t there, so Mike went straight passed her desk and into the office. Harvey wasn’t at his desk, and it took a moment for Mike to register that Harvey was sitting on the couch with Donna.

Mike sighed as he turned his head to face them. “Guess who was waiting for me at my-“ He stopped mid-sentence when he saw the shape that Harvey was in. He was sweating, and he seemed to have trouble breathing. Donna was kneeling in front of her with a concerned look on her face. “What’s going on?” Mike asked as he rushed to Harvey’s side.

“It’s fine.” Harvey said as he tried to brush off, but Mike wasn’t having it, especially once he was close enough to see how pale Harvey looked.

“It’s not fine.” Mike replied. “Donna, call 911.”

“I-“

“Donna.” Harvey gasped out, and with just one look, Donna nodded before squeezing his shoulder.

“Relax.” She said. “I’ll be right outside.”

Then she got up from her seat on the floor and gave Mike a stern look, probably telling him to look after Harvey, before she went back to her desk. Mike was really confused as to what was going on, and wondered if Donna knew something that he didn’t.

“Harvey, are you sick?” Mike asked as he reached out and squeezed Harvey’s arm reassuringly. “Talk to me.”

Harvey took a moment to steady his breathing, and Mike waited patiently even though he wanted nothing more than to shake Harvey and make him tell Mike what was wrong. “Just, not feeling too good.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Mike said “Harvey, you could be having a heart attack.”

“It’s not.” Harvey shook his head for a moment before he gestured to the empty glass and water bottle in front of him. Mike took the hint at once and refilled his glass before handing it to his boyfriend. Harvey gulped it down in one go, before sighing heavily as his breathing seemed to even out. “It might be….” He stopped for a moment before he looked down at his knees, like he was refusing to meet Mike’s eyes. “It might be a panic attack. Maybe”

Mike frowned for a moment, before he leaned in closer, crouching in front of Harvey. “Hey, it’s okay.” He said, trying to calm Harvey down, even though he what he really wanted to know was what Harvey could possibly be panicking over. A part of him probably knew, but Mike was pretty much in denial about it, because it meant that it was his fault that Harvey was falling apart in front of him. “Tell me what happened.”

Harvey shook his head, before swallowing once again. He looked nauseous. “Was talking to Jessica, when I left her office I just felt like crap. Can barely remember getting to the office.” Then he finally looked at Mike. “It’s okay, probably just the flu or something.”

Mike knew that Harvey knew that that was a lie. “Maybe.” Mike said, trying his best not to say it in a way that sounded pitying because he knew that would make Harvey pull away even more. “Just breathe, okay?”

Harvey nodded again. Mike glanced over at the door once, but it seemed like Donna was making sure no one came in, which was probably what Harvey had silently asked of her earlier. “Better?” he asked, as Harvey’s face seemed to regain some of its color.

“Yeah, thanks.” Harvey replied. Mike reached out and stroked his fingers through Harvey’s hair, who seemed to relax into his touch. “What did you say about someone being in your office.”

Of course, that was what Harvey wanted to talk about. Mike smiled at him. “Malone, don’t worry about it.” He said. “Come on, Harvey. Talk to me.”

“About what?”

“Don’t do that.” Mike answered, he tried to sound calm, but he really wished Harvey would just let him in and tell him what was going on. “We’re supposed to be partners, you know.”

“We are.” Harvey answered stubbornly. Mike couldn’t help but shrug, but he decided to give Harvey one more chance to tell him what was happening. Harvey didn’t talk.

Mike shook his head in disbelief, and his hand dropped from Harvey’s head. Somehow, Harvey must have thought he was leaving, because he hurryingly grabbed at Mike’s hand and dragged Mike closer. It was unexpected, and Mike could once again see the panic in Harvey’s eyes. Mike locked eyes with him for another moment before he got up from the floor and sat back down on the armrest.

“Harvey.” He said, sternly. “Talk to me.”

“I don’t know what’s going on.”

“You had a panic attack.” Mike said, because now there was no doubt in his mind either. Harvey sighed. “It’s okay, you know.”

Harvey didn’t answer, and Mike knew Harvey well enough to know that it was his pride that was getting in the way of him telling Mike what had really happened. On some level, it actually made Mike mad that this was still even an issue between them that Harvey felt like he couldn’t tell Mike these kinds of things, because he felt, what? Stupid? They were supposed to be way past that point.

“Has this happened before?” Mike tried to ask, because it seemed unlikely if Harvey couldn’t even understand that it was a panic attack he was having unless someone pointed it out to him.

Harvey was quiet for a moment before nodding once. “Yeah, it’s fine.”

Mike looked at him in disbelief once again, and just hoped that he meant that this has happened a long time ago before they got together and it was something that Harvey never felt was worth mentioning. “When?” he asked.

Harvey looked unsure, as if he didn’t know how to answer the question, or as if he was dreading Mike’s response. “Friday night.” He said, his voice quiet.

“What?” Mike asked back, even though he had heard Harvey clear as day.

“After you left, I started to feel sick.” He said and then shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Kinda like now.”

Mike didn’t know what to say to that, but he knew that the last thing he needed to do was push Harvey further away when he already seemed to unsure and embarrassed about even telling Mike about the incidents in the first place. Mike wanted to shake some sense into him.

Instead, he took a deep breath before he reached out once again and put his hand on Harvey’s neck, rubbing it in a comforting matter, just letting him know that it was going to be okay. “Okay, why did it happen?” Mike asked. “I mean, was it because of us? Or Malone finding out? We’ve faced worse and we’ve gotten through it.”

“Yeah.” Harvey agreed, as he once again leaned into Mike’s touch. Mike was glad he found some comfort. “I’m not lying, Mike. I don’t know what happened.”

“Okay.” Mike said as he tried his best to think like a rational human being instead of just Harvey’s boyfriend, because of course he wanted what was best for him, even though he wished that the man would just talk to him. Mike didn’t even know if Harvey just didn’t want to tell him, or if he really was so deep in denial that he had no idea what was going on. “Maybe you should talk to someone.”

“What?” It was Harvey’s turn to ask.

“If you really don’t know what’s causing these panic attacks, then maybe you should find someone who can help you figure it out.” Mike said, trying his best not to give away what he wanted to say about Harvey obviously not wanting to talk to him.

Harvey sighed before answering. “I already did, didn’t work out.”

Mike didn’t even know what to answer to that, and his mouth was left hanging open and his hand stilled at the back of Harvey’s neck as he tried to understand what Harvey was telling him. “I thought you said you’d never had them until Friday night.”

“I haven’t.” Harvey answered, as he looked Mike in the eye, and he almost looked apologetic, as if he knew that he should have told Mike about all of this, but had decided to keep it a secret anyway. “I saw this therapist yesterday, but… Yeah, it didn’t work out.”

“Okay, eehh.” Mike replied, because he honestly felt like he was at a complete loss, as if everything was changing too fast and he wasn’t able to keep up with the rest of the world. “You’ve been having panic attacks, and you went to see a therapist, and you didn’t even feel the need to tell me?”

“I didn’t think it was a big deal.” Harvey answered. “I thought it was a one-time thing.”

“If you honestly thought that, then you wouldn’t have gone to see someone in the first place.” Mike replied. He didn’t mean to sound judgmental or harsh, but after everything they’d been through and all the times they had talked about being honest with each other, Mike thought that maybe Harvey would see why Mike didn’t really like what was going on at the moment. “Would you have told me at all if I hadn’t walked in just now?”

Harvey didn’t answer at first, instead he bit his bottom lip as if he was thinking about it. “I’m sorry.” He said. “I wanted to tell you, I felt stupid.”

“Stupid?” Mike asked. “The only thing you should feel stupid about now is your god damn pride, Harvey.”

“I thought I had it under control.” Harvey said.

Mike shook his head. “I’ve had them too, you know.” Mike said, and that finally seemed to catch Harvey’s attention. “After my parents died, I used to get panic attacks whenever Tess’ parents or Trevor’s dad offered to give me a ride to school, _stupid_ , right?”

Mike hadn’t meant to make it all about him, because really it wasn’t, but he knew Harvey. Unless his problems and issues concerned someone else, he might as well destroy himself before trying to fix them. If Mike got Harvey to put himself in Mike’s shoes, then maybe it would be easier for him to see that it wasn’t stupid or embarrassing, just human.

“It was different.” Harvey argued. “You were just a kid and your parents died in a car accident, that can’t be compared to…”

“To what?” Mike asked.

Harvey shrugged again. “Whatever this is.”

“Maybe.” Mike answered. “But you’re not the kind of man who panics over nothing, which means that something is going on and I honestly think you should see that therapist again.”

“I will.” Harvey said, and Mike was seriously taken back by that. He’d thought he’d have to rationalize it better, or scream and yell, or something more to make Harvey see that he couldn’t go on the way he was. “A client almost saw me today, it’s affecting my work, and….” He stopped there, but Mike knew what he would say if he had finished. Their relationship. “I’ll make an appointment, just don’t tell anyone.”

Mike reached out and entwined their fingers before squeezing Harvey’s hand tightly. “Your secret’s safe with me.” He said, and Harvey actually turned around and smiled at him.

It was ironic, if nothing else.


	57. Chapter 57

Harvey was so freaking tired of listening to Dr. Agard’s voice. Firstly, he didn’t agree with anything she said. Secondly, she kept bringing up stuff that Harvey felt didn’t have a single thing to do about his panic attacks. Thirdly, Harvey still _had_ the damn panic attacks, which meant that the therapy wasn’t even helping.

Then suddenly, before the session ended she said: “How about we bring Mike along next time?”

Harvey didn’t like the sound of that at all.

“Why?”

“He was the one who recommended you’d come see me again, wasn’t he?”

Harvey had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. As if she didn’t already knew the answer. “Yes.” He answered, trying to keep it as simple as possible.

“I’ve already told you what I think, Harvey.” Dr. Agard answered. “The problem you have with your mother, about people leaving you…”

“Doesn’t have anything to do with these damn panic attacks.” Harvey argued, for what felt like the hundredth time, even though he’d only been to a few sessions.

“Okay.” She said, but she didn’t sound very convinced. “You might not agree with my methods, Harvey, but I think it’s important to find an accurate description of your relationship with Mike.”

“Why?” Harvey asked, the last thing he wanted was for Mike to have to worry about him even more. He didn’t need to be involved.

“Because we both know that you’re very withholding.” She said and Harvey couldn’t argue with that. She was very blunt, straightforward. Probably everything Harvey needed in a therapist. “So let’s just test this theory of mine out, okay? If we still can’t come to an agreement about these panic attacks of yours, then we will try something else, okay?”

It was smart, trying to make Harvey agree on some kind of dare. Harvey still smirked and agreed.

So, that night, Harvey invited himself over to Mike’s place for dinner. Things had been very tense lately with Malone finding out. In a way it was almost worse than when Louis had been holding it over their heads, because at least Louis could get something out of it. They knew that Jeff cared about Jessica, but they were both unsure if it was enough for him not to spill the beans on Mike and bring all of them down. On top of that, they still hadn’t really talked about that night when everything had seemed to go to shit.

Mike was cooking his famous pasta, and they had decided to watch the second Godfather movie, with commentaries. Harvey had been feeling kind of nostalgic lately.

“She wants to meet you.” Harvey said as he emerged from Mike’s bedroom after getting out of his suit. Mike was busily cooking away in the kitchen and only turned his head to glance at Harvey for a moment.

“Who?” he asked.

“Dr. Agard.” He said quietly as he strode up to Mike. “My therapist.”

Mike seemed a little baffled by that information, so while still stirring around in the sauce he was making, he furrowed his eyebrows and as if he was trying to think of a good approach. “Okay.” He answered. “Any particular reason?”

Harvey shrugged. “I don’t know yet.” He said “She’s very… Withholding.”

“Is that a good thing in a therapist?” Mike asked.

“Don’t ask me.” Harvey said, still sounding as casual as if they were discussing the weather.

“Well, whatever she’s doing to that brain of yours seems to be working.” Mike said with a smile.

Harvey returned the smile.

“Do you want me there, though?” Mike asked, and he seemed both curious and nervous.

“Sure.” Harvey said before giving Mike a peck on the corner of his mouth. “You want wine?”

It seemed so mature. Grown up. Harvey knew that Mike could see right through him though. No matter how much they had gone through and how many times they poured their heart out to each other, Harvey hated feeling vulnerable, even if it was in front of Mike. It didn’t matter that Harvey knew that Mike wouldn’t judge him, it was just part of his personality.

Monday morning came around and there Mike was, nervously greeting Doctor Agard and introducing himself. Harvey couldn’t help but find it slightly amusing.

He sat down next to Harvey, their thighs barely touching. Mike seemed unsure and Harvey could practically read his mind at that point. Mike probably wasn’t sure if it was a right or wrong way approach to the situation, but he felt it would be stupid to sit on the opposite side of the couch and the therapist might read that as him being unsupportive. Maybe this wouldn’t be as bad after all, so far, Harvey thought it was slightly funny, even though he couldn’t help feeling a little bad for the kid.

“Mike, it’s great that you could come today.”

“Well, Harvey’s my boss so getting out of work wasn’t that much of a hassle.” Mike joked nervously, and then he looked as if he wanted to bang his head against the table. Harvey chuckled next to him.

She smiled at him as well. “Do you know why I asked you to be here today?”

Mike just shrugged, and Harvey realized then that the two of them were even more alike than he had originally thought. Neither liked being put under the microscope.

“Harvey has told me a lot about you. Am I right to assuming that you are a huge part of each other’s life?” She asked, as if she already knew the answer.

“Well, yeah.” Mike answered. “I mean, he’s my boyfriend.”

It might have been a stupid answer, and an all too obvious and simple one at that.

“Yes, but it’s more than that, right?” She asked. “You work together, spend most of your time together, you even lived together at one point am I right?”

“Yeah.” Mike answered. “Before we got together. I mean, we were friends.” He said and then glanced once over at Harvey once before turning back to the therapist again. “He’s my best friend.”

She smiled at him. “Best friends, colleagues, and partners.”

“Yeah, that about sums it up.” Harvey said bitterly, almost hostile.

“Would you say Harvey is very protective of you?”

Harvey noticed Mike glancing over at him, but Harvey was just staring at Agard as if she had just revealed a secret. He knew where this was heading. They had been over this at previous sessions and Harvey had brushed her off.

“Yeah, he’s always been a little overprotective of me.” Mike answered. “He cares, I’m protective of him too.”

“Protective or overprotective?” she asked then.

“What?”

“You said overprotective.” Agard answered.

This was exactly why Harvey didn’t like therapy, some stranger analyzing your every word and action. He could tell that Mike was uncomfortable too and he resisted the urge to move even closer to Mike. He knew that Mike could take care of himself after all.

“Yeah, I mean…. Um.” Mike had no idea what to say, as if he was in a deposition without anything prepared.

“I’m not here to judge you, Mike.” She said. “Neither is Harvey.”

“Okay, suddenly I feel like I’m at an intervention.”

“You’re making him uncomfortable.” Harvey said then, and he noticed himself trying to stare down the doctor.

“Hm.” Agard said then and scribbled something down, which made Harvey sigh heavily.

“I think you just made her point.” Mike said, trying to lighten the mood as he nudged Harvey’s arm. Harvey just scowled at him. “Hey, relax.”

“I can assure you, Mike.” Agard said then. “I am not here to asses you, I am Harvey’s therapist. I am simply trying to get an accurate description of your relationship.”

“Hey, we’re not here for couples’ therapy.” Harvey stated stubbornly. “You asked me to bring him along, but we’re not doing the third degree here.”

“It’s okay, Harvey.” Mike reassured him as he put a hand on Harvey’s knee.

“You told me that Mike was the one who asked you to get in contact with me again, correct?” Agard asked, but she didn’t seem like she expected Harvey to answer. “He obviously cares about you a lot and is aware that you have certain issues that needs to be dealt with.”

Harvey still didn’t answer.

“When I suggested that he’d come along, you agreed to be open, both to him and to me.” Agard said.

“I am.” He answered, almost through gritted teeth.

“Good.” She answered. “Then we shouldn’t have a problem.”

Harvey still wasn’t sure if he liked the woman or not, but there was something to be admired about her.

“Mike.” She continued. “Why did you want Harvey to come see me?”

“Because I knew he needed to talk to someone.” He answered. “He had a panic attack at work, and then I found out that he’d had one before, and he didn’t tell me about it…”

It felt like something was left unsaid, but neither Harvey nor Agard seemed interested in prying.

“Do you feel like it’s affecting your relationship?”

Harvey wished she hadn’t asked that, and he knew that it was because he didn’t want to hear the truth.

“Sometimes.”

There it was.

“In what way?”

“He knows everything about me, I tell him everything.” He said and then looked down at his knees, as if he was feeling slightly guilty. “And sometimes I feel like he’s just shutting me out.”

“Everything, like what?” She asked then.

Mike shrugged. “I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff.” He said, and Harvey felt bad for him because he knew he was picking his words very carefully, trying his best not to tell her anything that might lead to her figuring out his secret. “And I’ve lost a lot of people that I cared about. He knows about all of it.”

“But you feel like Harvey’s keeping things from you?”

“I know he’s trying.” Mike answered. “After we started dating, hell, even when we were just friends, I could feel him opening up to me, and he started telling me things, I really thought we were past it….”

“Until the panic attacks started?”

“I told you the truth, Mike.” Harvey cut in then. “I don’t know what caused it.”

“It’s not that, Harvey.” Mike said. “I’m not saying that you’re lying to me, but you didn’t even tell me that it had happened before, you didn’t tell me that you’d seen a therapist…”

“Hmm.” Agard said again, and Harvey turned to look at her, almost ready to jam a pencil in her eye. Okay, that might have been too harsh. She was only doing her job after all, but Harvey couldn’t possibly see how this had anything to do with his panic attacks. He thought they had made it clear they weren’t there for couples therapy.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Harvey said, and Mike only nodded as a response.

“It’s alright.” Agard chimed in then, and Harvey wasn’t sure which of them she was trying to encourage with her words. “Mike, Harvey and I have talked about that night when he had his first panic attack.”

Harvey could actually see Mike swallow nervously.

“Yeah, we had a… Fight I guess.”

“That’s what he said.” Agard answered. “And then he had a disagreement with his boss, Jessica?”

“She’s not actually my boss anymore.” Harvey chimed in. As if it mattered at all.

“Yeah.” Mike answered, and Harvey noticed how he tried to keep his answers as short and simple as possible. Mike didn’t think Harvey had told her about his secret, did he? No, of course not. Mike knew that Harvey wouldn’t do that… Right?

“You’ve had fights before though, correct?”

“Yeah.” Mike repeated, and Harvey could feel him tense up next to him, so he put his hand on top of Mike’s and gave it a firm squeeze.

“So what do you think was different with this one?”

“It was my fault.” Mike answered, all too quickly for Harvey’s liking. “I gave up.”

“On what?” Agard asked, and she actually seemed genuinely curious now. Probably because Harvey had been very reluctant in sharing any kind of information about that night.

“Everything, I guess.” Mike replied. “There was this thing at work, and I wanted to quit…” he began and then took a deep breath. “And Harvey…”

“What about Harvey?”

“I just…. “ Mike started, but he didn’t seem to be able to finish the sentence, and Harvey could feel his instinct kicking in as he wanted nothing more than to embrace the man and get him out of the uncomfortable situation. He knew that he couldn’t though. Mike was a big boy, and in the end, this wasn’t something he really needed protecting from. “He always puts everything on the line for me, I mean, there’s literally nothing he hasn’t done for me.”

Harvey squeezed his hand again, but now he was more than intrigued as well. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard before, of course, but something seemed different now.

“It was my fault.” He said again, not really finishing the thought process he had started. “I shouldn’t have left the way I did.”

“And how was that?”

“Like I didn’t give a shit.”

Agard looked at him for a moment, and Harvey kept looking between Mike and Agard as if there was something unfinished that was left unsaid.

“Like you weren’t coming back?”

Harvey felt his breath hitch and a second later, Mike’s eyes were on him. Okay, so _maybe_ he could admit that there were some truth to what the doctor was saying after all. Maybe.

“You thought I wasn’t coming back?” Mike asked, and his voice was almost shaking. Harvey hated it, he hated it with every fiber of his being. He felt like they were both just staring at him, waiting for him to say something to mess it all up again. It wasn’t Mike’s fault, dammit. Harvey was the one with the problem.

His chest was tightening again.

“Relax, Harvey.” He could hear Agard’s voice saying and he forced himself to take a calming breath.

“Hey.” Mike said sternly, as he squeezed Harvey’s leg again. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“I know.” Harvey managed to reply as he turned his attention to Mike. He nodded reassuringly. “I know that.”

“Good.” Mike said.

“Take another breath, Harvey.” Agard said and Harvey actually did was he was told, and felt himself calming down. “Mike, do you think Harvey has a fear of people leaving him?”

Harvey knew what Mike was thinking, probably before he did.

_‘People don’t leave me!’_

Mike nodded, and Harvey couldn’t even be mad at him for it.

“I think you’re right.” Agard answered, and then suddenly the atmosphere in the room seemed to change drastically. Harvey let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and he actually felt his eyes sting slightly, as if he had been trying not to blink. He dared to glance over at Mike again, who strangely enough, only smiled at him.

“I’m not leaving.” Mike said.

Harvey hated that single thought that crept it’s way into the back of his head.

_Not yet._

They were quiet on their way to the office. Mike looked like he was lost in thought, and honestly, Harvey didn’t mind. It gave him some time to think about everything they had just talked about. He _knew_ that Mike wouldn’t just leave him, he absolutely trusted Mike enough to be sure of that. And if some day he might have to, then Harvey would just come with him, like he had promised.

Right?

“Hey.” Harvey said as he grabbed Mike’s arm and stopped him from going inside the building once they reached the office. “Do you wanna talk about what happened back there?”

“I’m fine.” Mike answered, but Harvey wasn’t all too convinced. “Unless you want to talk about something?”

“I-“ Harvey started, but he wasn’t sure how to put into words everything he wanted to tell Mike. The list was getting awfully long. “I didn’t mean to withhold anything from you.” He said.

“It’s fine, what’s done is done.” Mike said, which really wasn’t the answer Harvey had thought he’d get. Harvey knew that Mike was upset with him because of it, and Mike acted as if he thought Harvey was fragile and couldn’t hear the truth.

“Sure, but I still should have told you. Partners and all.” Harvey said. “In everything.”

That earned him a smile at least. Mike took a deep breath before he took a step closer to Harvey, making sure that no one overheard their conversation. “Harvey, we’ve been through a lot of shit together.” He said. “And not just in our relationship, I mean, ever since we met.”

“Yeah, I know.” Harvey said, wondering where Mike was going with his little speech.

“I’ve almost been caught several times, Donna was fired, Louis had a heart attack…” Mike said. “We’ve almost broken up more than once.” He continued. “You’ve never had a panic attack because you were afraid of someone leaving before.”

Harvey took a breath, but he knew that Mike was right, he had thought the same thing more than once after Agard suggested that his… Abandonment issues or whatever were the reason behind the panic attacks. He nodded and put his hands in his pockets. “I know.” Harvey said “The doc seems to think it’s some deep shit that goes back to the problems I have with my mother… I don’t know.”

“Doesn’t seem that unlikely.” Mike said before he looked to the ground for a few seconds before facing Harvey again. “I mean, I don’t really know a lot about your mother except for what you told me about her and your dad, but…”

“She didn’t give a shit about me, okay?” Harvey all but snapped, he really didn’t mean to, especially at Mike who was nothing but understanding, but even though he hated to admit it, his mother was still a sore spot for him. “She didn’t care about my father, or me or my brother, and we were better off without her.”

“Harvey.” Mike said, softly. “When was the last time you talked with your mom?”

“When Marcus was in the hospital, years ago.” Harvey answered, because Mike had asked and he wasn’t going to lie or brush him off, but he really didn’t want to talk about it either. “I’d rather not repeat the experience.”

“Have you given her a chance to explain herself, ever?” Mike asked and reached for Harvey’s arm, as he could probably see how Harvey wanted nothing more than to yell out a few words before storming off. “I mean, I’m not saying that she’s a saint or that what she did wasn’t wrong, but Harvey, you were a kid, maybe she-“

“Maybe nothing, Mike.” Harvey cut him off. “I am not doing this.”

“Okay, fine.” Mike said, sounding as stubborn as Harvey. “Don’t talk to me, fine. But you should at least continue to go to therapy, because if we’re to be together I will not have you treating me this way every time your parents get brought up.” He said. “Just, stop worrying so much about making sure everyone around you is happy and do something to help yourself for once.” He leaned closer and gave Harvey a short kiss on the cheek. “I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

And then he squeezed Harvey’s shoulder before walking off.


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally been able to finish season 5... Okay, that's a lie. I just watched 5x10 because of the flashbacks.

Mike had told Harvey he was willing to wait until the other man was ready to talk, and he had meant it. That didn’t mean that he couldn’t help feeling that he and Harvey seemed to be moving backwards lately. He didn’t know if he could blame anyone for that. Mike knew that Harvey was struggling, probably more than he ever had for the time Mike had known the man, but he just wished that they could talk about it. Mike knew that Harvey went to sessions with the therapist on Mondays and Thursdays, but if they met up later that night, he would never as much as mention what they talked about, or if they had made any progress at all. Mike knew that Harvey was withholding, he knew that he hated feeling vulnerable, and he knew that Harvey would do anything _not_ to worry Mike. Still, Mike also knew that Harvey knew that Mike knew all those things. It was confusing at times, not knowing what to say or do, even though it should be obvious, even though they should know each other better than that by now.

“Are you coming in late tomorrow?” Mike asked, as he stopped by Harvey’s office on his way home Wednesday night. It was late, and the only ones left at the office were the two of them and some desperate first-year associates who tried their best to get all of their work done for the day.

Harvey looked up at him from where he was still working at his desk. Mike knew what his answer was going to be, but he asked anyway, in hope that Harvey would do something other than nod his head.

“Yeah.” Harvey answered.

He didn’t say anything else.

“Good.” Mike said, as he nervously started fumbling with the inside of his pocket. This wasn’t like them. “I mean, not good, because if you didn’t that would mean that you were doing a lot better, right? Which I guess you’re not, not that I would know-“

“Mike-”

“No, okay, I’m sorry.” Mike said before Harvey even had a chance to defend himself, or yell at Mike for being a total ass even though he had promised he wouldn’t push. “I’m gonna go, see you tomorrow.”

“Mike, wait.” Harvey said as he got up from his desk, but for some unknown reason, Mike didn’t stop. He just kept going until Harvey caught up to him in the middle of the hallway and grabbed his arm. “Hey.” He said, as Mike turned around with a heavy sigh.

“I shouldn’t have said that, I know.”

“No, you have every right to be pissed at me.” Harvey replied “I know I’ve been pushing you away lately.”

“Why?” Mike asked. “Do you not want this anymore?”

Harvey looked at him for a moment, and he seemed almost stunned by the question. Maybe he wasn’t prepared for it, or maybe it was because Mike asked it so easily. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s a valid question, Harvey.” Mike answered, because even though he wanted to be with Harvey… The relationship they were in at the moment, it wasn’t good for either of them. He hated the thought, but it was stuck in the back of his mind. Mike couldn’t go through that again, being pushed away and kept in the dark.

“I want to be with you.” Harvey answered. “I promise.”

Mike looked at him and saw the tiredness behind his eyes. He’d had another panic attack just a couple of days ago. Thankfully, Dr. Agard had given him some prescription medication that helped, but when Mike had asked him about it, he had shrugged it off as stress. “Why did you have a panic attack the other day?”

“What?” Harvey asked.

“Just answer the damn question, Harvey.” Mike all but pleaded. “Please.”

Harvey didn’t seem to want to answer the question, he didn’t seem to want to be standing there at all. It really sucked.

“I don’t think I can do it.” Harvey said, and he sounded so guilty and so ashamed, even though Mike had no idea what he was talking about. “Donna doesn’t think I can do it either.”

“Do what?” Mike asked, as he couldn’t figure out what Harvey meant by that.

“Leave.” Harvey answered on a shrug, and suddenly his eyes seemed a lot more sad than tired. “If I had to.”

“What?” Mike asked, before he finally understood what Harvey was taking about. “You mean, because of me?”

Harvey nodded, as he looked to the ground, as if he couldn’t even look Mike in the eye. As if he was telling him his deepest and darkest secret and he was afraid that Mike would stop loving him because of it. “Harvey, it’s okay.”

“How is that okay?” Harvey asked as he raised his voice slightly, but Mike could tell at once who he was really mad at. Himself.

“Come on; let’s go back to your office and talk?” Mike suggested, and Harvey didn’t even seem reluctant to the idea. Mike threaded his fingers with Harvey’s as they made their way back to Harvey’s office. Harvey squeezed his hand a little harder than necessary, but Mike didn’t mind all that much. They sat down on the couch, and Harvey seemed exhausted as he leant back against the pillows and took a deep breath. Mike positioned himself right next to him, and put one arm on the back of the couch, so he could thread his fingers through the short hair at the back of Harvey’s neck.

“Time to talk, Mister Specter.” He said, and Harvey almost smiled. Almost.

“The doc seems to think that I have some deep physiological issues that needs to be dealt with, and that the _incidents_ won’t stop until I do.” He said.

Okay, so it was a start.

“About people leaving you?” Mike asked “Your mom.”

It was more of a suggestion than a question really, but Mike still knew what the answer was going to be when Harvey sighed and turned his head to look at him. “Yeah.”

“It’s me, right?” Mike asked. “You think I’m going to leave.”

“I don’t _think_ that, I just…” Harvey started, but he didn’t finish the sentence. Mike put his other hand on Harvey’s knee and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“Go on.” Mike said. “I’ll still be here when you’re done.”

Harvey kept looking at him, as if he was seeing him for the first time. It was slightly terrifying, but Mike still smiled at him, just because he could, just because Harvey gave him a chance to do so.

“I left too.” Harvey said, then. “I left my dad and Marcus to clean up the mess my mom left behind.” He said. “I went to New York to get away from it all, I left my family, just like she did.”

Mike let out a breath as he felt Harvey put his hand on top of his own. Mike threaded their fingers together once more and looked down at their entwined hands. “You were just a kid, Harvey.” He said. “Your mom should have known better than to do what she did.”

“Yeah, but….” Harvey said. “What you said about my mom, about me not being able to see what really happened.”

“Forget that, it was stupid.” Mike said “I didn’t mean to question you.”

“Maybe it wasn’t.” Harvey said on a shrug. “It doesn’t really matter now. She left, I left, my dad died…”

“You know…” Mike said as he leaned in even closer to rest his chin on Harvey’s shoulder. “I have a thing about people leaving too.”

Harvey nodded, and Mike hated how he looked guilty again. “I know.”

“Okay, listen.” Mike said, and Harvey actually seemed to do as he was told. “Your childhood was shit, okay? You ran away, and then you got a job, you met Jessica…”

“Yes, thanks. I know the story.”

“Shut up.” Mike said, because his boyfriend was a stubborn idiot, but Mike was going to finish his speech whether or not Harvey actually wanted to hear it. “My point is, this city gave you a chance to have the life you wanted, you found a family here, a job you love, and you’ve built something amazing here. I could never blame you for not wanting to leave that. I would certainly never want you to feel guilty because of it.”

“I love you more than this job.” Harvey said. Mike didn’t know if he said it because he needed to say it, or because he wanted Mike to know it, but it didn’t really matter.

“Of course you do, I know that.” Mike answered with a grin, which actually made Harvey smile a bit again. “But this place, this city, it isn’t just a job for you.”

“Well, it’s not for you either.” Harvey said as he seemed to get angry again. “This is your life, your chance, your _everything_ too, and it’s not fair that-“

“Harvey.” Mike said as he shook his head. “We don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“I know, but….”

“Yeah, I know.” Mike said, because Harvey really didn’t need to say anything for Mike to understand what he meant. Too many people knew, there had been too many close calls, the chances of making it to the end were pretty bad at the moment. “But you and me, that’s what’s most important, okay?” Mike said, but he didn’t expect Harvey to answer. “And I don’t want to leave you, ever. So I have to ask this, and you have to be honest with me, okay?”

“Okay.” Harvey said, even though he didn’t sound so sure.

“Do you think we could still make it if I quit?” He asked.

“What kind of stupid question is that?” Harvey asked, and Mike was getting tired of Harvey’s temper at this point.

“Just listen to me, please.” Mike said. “We work insane hours here, but at least we get to see each other throughout the day. When things are busy around here, we barely have the time or energy to see each other outside of work for one night a week. If I’m not around anymore, do you think we would be able to-“

“Yes.”

“Harvey, I wasn’t finished.”

“I don’t care.” Harvey said as he sat up straight, looking Mike in the eyes. “We would have lunch, or I would come over after work, and if you’re tired or asleep, I would just use my key and we could wake up together, or if the rent at your apartment building gets too expensive, you could move back in-“

“Harvey.” Mike said on a breath as he could feel that familiar tug in his heartstring. One he hadn’t felt in far too long, the one that only Harvey could give him.

“We’d make it work.” Harvey said. “Now, I’m not saying that I want you to quit, because I really love having you around, and I really love you being able to do what you do best, but if you _had to,_ we would make it work. I promise.”

“Even if I end up back as a bike messenger?”

“Even then.” Harvey said as he leaned in and kissed Mike fully on the lips.

Mike smiled into the kiss for a moment before pulling back, and looking down at his knees questionably. Harvey frowned for a second before tilting his chin up to make Mike look at him. “But that’s not really what you wanted to know was there?” He asked “If you think we’d make it?”

“What do you mean?” Mike asked, not even sure if he was actually playing dumb or if he thought Harvey actually knew what he was thinking.

“I know you, you know.” Harvey said with a lopsided smile. “And you’re kind of like me.”

Mike shrugged. “People doesn’t really _know_ other people, only what you show them.”

“Aha.” Harvey said on a nod, but he seemed less than phased by Mike’s sudden change from optimist to pessimist. “Cause I’m not sure if you’ve ever mentioned this, but I think you’re a little worried that I might not like you as much if you aren’t a successful lawyer.”

Mike’s eyes shot up then and he looked right into Harvey’s questioning eyes, they seemed to have gotten their answer though as Mike sighed heavily. “That just makes me sound like a dick.”

“Kind of.” Harvey answered. “But then again, I know that I’ve seemed pretty shallow in the past, so I can’t really blame you for thinking that way.”

“You’ve never really known me as anything else than this.” Mike said with a shrug.

“What are you talking about, I’ve always known you as something more than just a nice haircut and exquisite suits.” Harvey said. “You didn’t own a suit when I met you, wasn’t the one you wore to your phony interview rented or borrowed or something?”

“That’s different.” Mike answered, but he couldn’t help but appreciate what Harvey was saying. “You didn’t exactly invision a future with me back then.”

“Sure I did.” Harvey replied with a cocky smile as he leaned in and gave Mike one quick kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Just not in the way I do now.”

Mike smiled at him then. “And here I thought I was the one who was supposed to reassure you.” He said before he rearranged himself on the couch, carefully nudging Harvey’s legs in the process as he leant back against Harvey’s chest.

Mike felt a rush of relief flood through him as Harvey kissed his temple, pulling him impossibly closer. “A long time ago I asked you what would happen if I lost everything.” Harvey said quietly. “You told me you’d like me anyway.”

Mike remembered it well. Harvey standing in the living room, shouting at Mike, wearing nothing but his jeans and a sweatshirt.

‘ _What if I lose the job, the apartment and I’m just this?’_

_‘I like you like this’_

It was a long time ago; they weren’t even together at the time. Mike thought that Harvey would have forgotten about it. How stupid of him, Harvey rarely forgot anything. Mike could feel Harvey’s whole body relaxing, and it was strangely reassuring to know that Mike had that effect on him. Maybe it was because Mike had blamed himself for Harvey’s panic attack, or maybe it was because he felt like they were finally getting somewhere. It didn’t really matter.

“I remember.” Mike answered as he turned his head slightly so he could meet Harvey’s eyes. “And what you’re trying to say is that you feel the same way?”

“Yep.” Harvey replied.

“How romantic.”

“I try.”

Mike snickered at that, before he leant in closer and kissed the side of Harvey’s jaw. “Hey.” He said, trying to catch Harvey’s attention once again. “You still got something you want to share with the class?”

“I wasn’t just a kid.” Harvey said and Mike’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as Harvey absentmindedly started stroking his arm with his fingertips. “I wasn’t a kid when I told my dad about my mom cheating, I was a grown man who handled everything wrong and everything went to shit because of it.”

“Well…” Mike said calmly, as he tried to find the right words to say. “Things that happen to you when you are young can cloud your judgement later, I’m sure you did what you did for a reason.”

“Yeah, because I’m an ass.” Harvey answered, and Mike didn’t know why, but he started to laugh. He could feel Harvey tense up, Mike knew it was terrible and Harvey was pouring his heart out, but he just couldn’t help it. “What the hell?”

“I’m sorry.” Mike said as he tried to calm himself down. “You are an ass.” He said, merely stating the fact. “But you’re a good man, Harvey.” He continued, hoping Harvey would still see reason. “You probably could have handled things differently, but this had probably been gnawing at you for god knows how long, sometimes things get out of hand.”

“Yeah, and I destroyed my family because of it.”

“Your mother and father never would have worked out in the end, Harvey.” Mike said. “Would it have been better if your dad had been the one to catch your mother cheating?”

“Of course not, but-“ Harvey started, and Mike waited patiently for him to say something, but he never did.

“You screwed up, trust me, I know the feeling.” Mike replied. “It sucks when someone you care about is hurt because of something you did, but in the end it was unavoidable.”

“I know it needed to happen someday.” Harvey answered. “But the way it did….”

“You can’t change it now.” Mike said, putting his hand on top of Harvey’s, who had stilled on Mike’s arm. “I’ve seen how you and your brother are together, he has forgiven you for whatever bullshit you did a long time ago, maybe it’s time you forgive yourself too.”

“I just don’t want to screw things up again.”

There it was.

“Harvey Reginald Specter.” Mike said cheekily as he turned around and rested his arm on the back of the couch for support. “You are an idiot.” Then he leaned in and kissed Harvey firmly on the lips, once, twice, before pulling back. “You’re not ruining anything.”

“I literally had a panic attack because I wasn’t sure if I could leave this place… Not even for you, what the hell does that say about me?”

“That you’re human?” Mike suggested. “I wouldn’t want to leave this place either, it’s your home, it’s where you became who you are today, your family is here.”

"You're my home." Harvey said stubbornly, and even though it was very sweet, Mike found it hard to understand why his boyfriend couldn't see what Mike was trying to tell him. "And my family."

"What I was going to say was..." Mike said, as he tried his best to be as clear as possible so there was no way that Harvey could misunderstand what he was saying. "If you feel like you fucked up everything the last time you left, there's no wonder you're worried about leaving again."

Harvey looked at him for the longest of time, as if Mike had just given him the answer to something he had been thinking about for a long time. Mike smiled at him, and Harvey shook his head in disbelief. "I guess I didn't see it like that."

"Maybe your therapist had a point after all, then." Mike answered.

“I told Donna I was going to marry you someday.” Harvey blurted out, and suddenly Mike was at a loss for words, and he couldn’t help but do anything but gape at Harvey like he had just told Mike that his face was glowing orange. “Is that bad?”

That brought Mike back to wherever his mind has went. “No.” he answered at once with a grin on his face. “It’s really not.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

It was quiet for a moment before Harvey quickly added. “Just so you know, this is not 'someday’.”

Mike actually wanted to kick him in the face, but all he was able to do was laugh.


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update(again). I've been in the hospital(again). Please forgive me(again).

It had been so close. Way too close. Harvey’s heart had been caught in his throat, and he could feel his entire body tense up as a panic attack was threatening it’s way to the surface. He hadn’t had one of those in months, but the fear in Mike’s eyes had been a serious trigger.

They had thought that had been it. Too many people had known and someone had ratted him out. All kinds of scenarios had gone through Harvey’s head as Mike had met his eyes. Was Mike going away, if so, for how long? Was Harvey going with him? What would happen to the company? Who would go down with them? Why hadn’t they been more careful?

Also, for the first time since Mike’s first day at work, all those years ago, Harvey almost regretted hiring the kid in the first place.

Harvey had heard about people seeing their life in reverse when they were dying, and that was exactly what Harvey was experiencing as Mike was taken away in handcuffs. No one was there for Harvey, no one was taking Jessica aside for questioning, and the police only nodded as Harvey mumbled something about being Mike’s lawyer and not to question him until he got there.

He felt pathetic. That had been the moment where he needed to be stronger than ever, to give Mike that reassuring look that he had perfected over the years, instead he had barely been able to breathe.

Jessica had been furious, demanding to know what had happened. Louis had gone straight to blaming everyone that knew, asking Harvey who the hell had ratted Mike out. When Malone had been accused, he had denied it, but he didn’t seem all that broken up about the situation, even though he looked concerned for Jessica. Donna had squeezed his shoulder and tried to make Harvey calm down. Harvey had barely been able to listen to any of them. Mike was everything to him, and he thought it had been over.

It hadn’t been what they had thought, as per fucking usual. The arrest had been linked to an all too shady case they had been working on lately. It wasn’t about Mike’s secret, but the opposing counsel, trying to buy themselves some time. Their client had deep pockets and great connections, and if they really wanted to bring Mike down, they probably could have found a way to figure out his secret.

It had been way too close, and Harvey had actually cried when they had let Mike go. Harvey couldn’t even give a shit about the fact that their own client had to settle for less than they deserved.

“I love you.” Mike had muttered into his shoulder, as Harvey had held him tight, breathing in the smell of his boyfriend.

The next day, Mike had handed in his letter of resignation, speculations be damned. Neither he nor Harvey had been able to sleep all night, they had just held onto each other, and when Mike whispered that he was going to quit, Harvey couldn’t even argue with him.

The thing was, that even though they both knew it was for the best. Not only for Mike’s well being, but for their relationship as well, Mike wasn’t handling being out of a job very well.

“Hey, you coming in for lunch today?” Harvey asked, glancing over at Mike who was lying on the couch, while pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“To see everyone and have them hovering over me, asking why I gave up everything for a life as a couch potato?” Mike asked, as he flicked through the channels. “No, thanks.”

Harvey sighed heavily. “No one knows what you’re doing.” He said “Although I have to agree that the couch potato lifestyle doesn’t suit you very well.”

Mike sighed heavily as he rested his chin on the back of the couch so he could look directly at Harvey. “I know I’m winning an award in self-pity over here.” He said “I just thought…” he started, but instead of finishing his sentence, Mike just bit his bottom lip and looked down at the floor, avoiding Harvey’s gaze once again.

“What, kid?” Harvey asked, trying to sound sympathetic as he strolled over to Mike. He reached out and ran a hand through Mike’s hair, which was still wet from the shower they took together earlier.

“I didn’t think it would feel like this.” Mike answered on a shrug. Harvey offered him a reassuring smile before he leaned down kissed the top of Mike’s head.

“I know.” He replied, because he knew exactly what Mike meant. Sometimes doing the right thing really sucked. “I know you miss it, but you need to get back on your feet, you didn’t print out all those resumes for nothing.”

Mike groaned, and Harvey couldn’t blame him for that either. Mike didn’t want to make the same mistakes again, so his resume was fairly short. According to his resume, Mike used to work as a bike messenger and hadn’t done shit for years. It wasn’t very impressing.

“I don’t even know where to start.” Mike said. “What if I get a job as a waiter and suddenly Jonathan Sidwell’s assistant walks in for lunch, wondering what the hell I’m doing?”

“Well, you can’t sit here all day, every day.”

“I don’t just sit here.” Mike replied on a pout. Yes, he actually pouted.

“You’ve watched eight seasons of _Keeping up with Kardashians_ in two weeks.” Harvey said with a disapproving look. “You’re literally losing brain cells.”

“Hey!” Mike said, clearly offended. “They are inspiring.”

Harvey rolled his eyes, before palming Mike’s cheek and kissing him on the lips. “I have to get going, feel free to stop by.” He said. “I miss having you around.”

“You have no idea.” Mike answered with a small smile. “I’ll check out the ads in the paper, maybe there’s some halfway-decent job where the paycheck can cover my rent.”

Harvey scrunched up his nose, because to be honest, he really doubted it. He knew that he had offered Mike a place to live if it should come to that, but Harvey also knew that right now, Mike needed to feel like he could do something for himself, that he could fix this mess. Harvey wasn’t going to give him the easy way out. Besides, he was pretty sue that Mike living with him full-time in the mood he was in, would probably drive both of them insane.

“Come on, rookie.” Harvey said as winked at Mike. “You blew me away with nothing but your charm and good looks.”

“So my brain had nothing to do with it?”

“No, it was mostly your ass.”

Mike actually laughed at that, which made Harvey feel slightly better. Even though he wanted Mike to get off his ass and do _something,_ he hated seeing Mike so discouraged. He just wanted him to be happy; he just wanted them to be happy.

“Well, then.” Mike said with a smirk. “Good thing it looks better than ever. Guess I should find myself some tights pants and go get myself a job.”

Harvey snickered and shook his head. “You do that, babe.” He said “I’ll see you later.”

Harvey had actually forgotten what life had been like at the office before Mike had started working there. He still loved his work, he just didn’t love being _at_ work as much as he used to. Harvey couldn’t even count all the times he’d been on his way to Mike’s old office to say hi, before remembering that the kid wasn’t there anymore. It sucked.

“You need to get a new associate.” Jessica said as caught up to him by the elevators, after Harvey had returned from a meeting downtown.

“I’m sorry, are you insinuating that my work has been anything other than amazing since Mike left?” Harvey asked, completely avoiding Jessica’s statement. He didn’t want or need a new associate. He was completely fine on his own.

“I think your old associate would appreciate it if you didn’t work overtime every single night to make up for the fact that you do everything on your own.”

Jessica had a fair point at that. That woman knew exactly what to say to get Harvey to agree to her ideas… Or orders, whatever.

“I’ll be better at delegating.”

“You won’t.” Jessica answered. “Not until you find a new associate, you can assign one of the first years.”

“What?” Harvey asked, as he furrowed his brows. “Why can’t I just hire a Harvard douche that I pick out myself?”

Jessica stopped dead in her tracks and scowled at Harvey. “Because I don’t trust you to actually hire a _Harvard_ douche.”

“Please, that was one time.”

“It caused me a permanent headache for almost five years.” Jessica argued, and Harvey kind of figured that the battle was lost. He could argue all day if he wanted to, because taking a chance on Mike was a one-time thing. Mike was the exception to the rule and he always would be. Jessica knew that, and Harvey knew that. Still, Harvey could see where Jessica was coming from so he just shrugged.

“Fine.” He said. “I’ll have Donna make a list of potentials.”

“And you’ll pick one.” Her tone was stern, but Harvey had never been one to let that intimidate him. At least he’d never admit to it.

“If anyone is good enough.” Harvey said, but he already knew that it wasn’t a point to arguing. This was happening whether he liked it or not. And no, he didn’t like it.

 

“Harvey.” Jessica said on a sigh as she crossed her arms in front of her arms. “They can’t all be geniuses.”

“Well, maybe they should be.” Harvey said and he actually winked at her, which only seemed to annoy Jessica even more.

“I told you this when Mike was promoted.” Jessica said. “And I won’t repeat myself a third time, _get a new associate_ or I will do it for you.” With that she stalked off with her usual confidence, leaving Harvey with no other choice but to do as he was told.

“With me.” He said as he walked past Donna’s desk. She eagerly followed as he walked into his office and sat down behind his desk.

“Would a ‘please’ kill you?” Donna asked with a raised eyebrow as she stopped in front of his desk, looking him up and down, probably trying to figure out if he was in a good or a bad mood. “What do you need?”

“Jessica’s riding my ass about getting a new associate, so make up a list of potential first years for me.” He said, fully aware of how grumpy he sounded.

Donna only smirked at him, not even a little bit phased by his mood. “Anything specific criteria you want me to set for your new associate?” She asked. “Or are we just looking for ‘another me’?”

“You’re not gonna find one in that bunch, I can tell you that much.” Harvey grumbled as he pretended to look for something on his computer to make Donna go away, but he knew that she wouldn’t leave until she had said anything on her mind.

“You don’t even know their names.”

“I don’t need to.”

“Harvey, they might surprise you.” Donna said with a smile, and then there was that sparkle in her eye before she sat down in the chair opposite of Harvey. Okay, so she wasn’t done after all. “How is Mike doing? I haven’t seen him all week.”

“He’s busy.” Harvey said, before he sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair, knowing that there was no use in lying to Donna. “Busy drowning his sorrows in reality TV.”

“That bad, huh?”

“It’s not like he’s having a breakdown or anything.” Harvey answered. “He’s just… Sometimes he stays at my place, and we eat, watch a movie, because he doesn’t want to go out. I have no idea what he does the nights he’s at his own place, probably sulking.”

“What about finding something to keep him busy?” Donna asked. “That brain of his is meant to be used. He needs a job, or a hobby or whatever.”

“I think he’s embarrassed.” Harvey replied. “That’s why he doesn’t want to go out or why he won’t come here, he’s afraid someone will ask questions and…. To be honest, I can’t say that I blame him.”

“Still…” Donna began, quirking an eyebrow at Harvey. “He can’t just sit around doing nothing all day. He’s got friends who miss him, bills to pay…”

“I know all of that.” Harvey answered. “And I’ve tried telling him, he said he’d go out and look for a job today, but he wants to start fresh.”

“Yeah, can’t be easy being rejected for a job as a telemarketer when only two minutes ago you were a partner at one of the biggest law firms in Manhattan.” Donna agreed on a shrug, then she went awfully quiet, like she wanted to say something, but was worried about how Harvey would react.

Maybe Harvey should have known better than to ask, but he couldn’t help himself. “What?” he asked.

“Have you guys talked about…., you know, leaving the city?”

He really shouldn’t have asked.

“No, he hasn’t mentioned it.” Harvey said, and it wasn’t a complete lie. Mike really hadn’t said anything about it after he quit, and Harvey hadn’t brought it up. He knew deep down why though, because Harvey didn’t want to leave, and the thought made him feel selfish and awful.

“Okay, just asking.” Donna answered. “I’ll go get on that list.”

With that she got up from her seat and headed for her desk, but she stopped in the doorway and turned around to face Harvey once again. “Harvey.”

“Yeah?” Harvey asked.

“It would really suck if you guys left.”

Harvey couldn’t help but smile at her. “It’s not like I’d leave without you.”

Donna grinned at that, before winking at her boss and making her way back to her desk. Harvey leaned back in his chair, trying his best to focus on work, but suddenly there were just too many things occupying his mind. This associate business, what Donna had just said, everything just reminded him of Mike. He really, honestly hoped that his boyfriend would figure out what to do with his life now that he had to start from scratch. Harvey couldn’t imagine what it would be like, but he had a pretty good idea.

Deep down, Harvey knew what would be best for Mike and his career, and the fact that it didn’t fit with Harvey’s goals were slightly terrifying. Up until now, Harvey’s work life and his personal life with Mike had seemed to blend together and they had finally figured out how to balance the two. Now, his work life and his life with Mike were completely separate, and Harvey struggled to come to terms with that.

He could only imagine how Mike felt.

Harvey was snapped out of his thoughts as he heard Donna say something about Malone over the intercom before the man was suddenly standing in front of him. “Jeff.” He said, faking a smile. The two of them had been on pretty good terms lately. When Mike had left, Malone had wished him the best of luck and apologized for putting him through so much crap, and promised to keep his secret safe.

Harvey hadn’t been so easy to forgive, but Mike had just rolled his eyes at him and told him to ‘ _take a chill pill’,_ so that had been that.

“Hey, Harvey.” Malone answered with a smile as he put his hands in his pocket. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything important.”

“Anything I can help you with?” Harvey asked, avoiding the question altogether since all he had been doing was stressing over his relationship.

“Actually, I was thinking you could help me out.” He said. “You see, after everything that has happened these last few months, especially with Mike, I had this idea….”

Harvey wasn’t sure if he liked the sound of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger! (ish)


	60. Chapter 60

When Mike was twelve years old, he had gotten a job as a paperboy. He had hated every second of it, but he knew that his grandmother had struggled a lot with money and he wanted to help. Of course, Grammy had told him to quit the second she had found out about it, telling Mike to focus on school and let her worry about grown-up stuff.

A couple of years later he became a tutor, but it turned out that he wasn’t any good at simplifying math for the children, and the high school kids thought it was embarrassing getting physic tutoring from a fourteen-year old. Mike had never really liked it anyway.

His first year at college, Mike worked part-time at the campus library. The pay was lousy, but he enjoyed reading in his spare time, and it was a great place to try to impress girls with his impeccable memory.

After everything had went to shit and Mike had dropped out of college, he got a job as a bartender/waiter. He was pretty good at mixing drinks and got good tips, but since he had been in a pretty bad place at the time, that hadn’t lasted either.

Then there had been his job as a bike messenger. It was… Whatever. He could count on a pay-check every month, and he stayed in shape. It was okay hours, and Mike knew exactly what to expect.

Then suddenly, he had been an associate, a lawyer. It had been a blessing, a fucking miracle. It was everything he had wanted all those years ago, everything he had thrown away and blamed Trevor for taking away from him. He had a chance, a real chance at making something of himself. It had been amazing, a roller—coaster, and even with everything that had happened, Mike wouldn’t have traded it for the world. He had gained so much more than he had thought possible that day when he had stumbled into Harvey’s interview with a briefcase full of pot.

“Hey, honey!” Harvey chimed as he entered the living room. “I’m home.”

Mike smiled at him from where he was busily cooking away in the kitchen. “Hello, handsome.” He answered with a grin. “And how was your day?”

“Awful.” Harvey answered, but Mike couldn’t help but smile nonetheless as Harvey leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “How did the job hunt go?”

“Wonderful.” Mike answered sarcastically as he started chopping some tomatoes.

Harvey sighed as he leaned against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Mike could almost sense the lingering question in the air, but he almost hoped that Harvey wouldn’t ask it.

“No luck then?”

“Oh, I got a job.” Mike replied as he offered Harvey a quick glance. Harvey’s eyes had lit up and Mike hated it.

“What?” He asked, clearly excited, which actually made Mike mad, even though he had absolutely no reason to be. “Oh, the advertiser manager thing?”

Mike shook his head.

“The executive assistant job?”

Mike shook his head again, just as he realized that the tomatoes were now nothing but diced mush on the cutting board.

“The administer-“

“I’m a dishwasher.” Mike interrupted him. “Which I’m pretty sure the guy at the restaurant just gave me as a pity-job because he could see what a fucking loser I am.”

Wow, Mike had just taken self-pity to a whole new level, and he couldn’t even bring himself to care.

Harvey’s lips curved up into a smile, and at first, Mike thought he was going to offer him some comforting words.

Mike couldn’t believe what he was seeing as Harvey started chuckling. Seconds later, Harvey was full-on laughing at him. Mike wasn’t even mad, he felt absolutely ridiculed, and he had no idea what to say or how to react.

“Enjoy your dinner.” Mike said as he dropped his knife and brushed past Harvey, biting his lip in the process to keep himself from screaming, or throwing something at Harvey’s face. Deep down he knew that Harvey wasn’t actually making fun of him, but he just couldn’t help feeling ashamed.

He had come from very little, and even after Mike had become successful, he had never looked down on anyone serving him his coffee or driving him to his meetings. Still, he couldn’t help but feel embarrassed over the fact that a few week ago he had been partner at a law firm and today he had gotten turned down as a job as a barista.

“Mike, come on.” Harvey said as he reached for Mike’s arm, but Mike pulled away, trying his best to get his shoes on without tripping and embarrassing himself even further. “Mike, I wasn’t laughing at you.”

“Yes you were.” Mike said, surprised by the calmness in his own voice as he put on his jacket and reached for the door. “Can’t say I blame you.”

“Mike, stop, stay.” Harvey said, and his voice was suddenly apologetic. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Mike answered as he turned around on a shrug. “But I’m going home.” He said before licking his lips, they suddenly felt too dry for his liking. “While I still have on that is.”

There was no way he was going to afford that rent with what he was being payed now, and Mike didn’t really want to spend all he had saved up just to stay in that apartment. That beautiful apartment that Mike had gotten all on his own. His home. Fuck, he felt like crying. No way he was going to do that, at least not in front of Harvey.

“Mike, we’ve talked about that.”

“I’ll see you later.” Mike said as he hurried out the door, not even wanting to think about the fact that Harvey might have to take him in again. He had actually enjoyed the thought of moving back in with Harvey one day, now it felt like an utter nightmare, Harvey having to care for him like a charity case.

He was so wrapped up in getting away that he didn’t even want to wait for the elevator, but instead ran down the stairs.

Mike threw up into the trashcan outside of Harvey’s building. Talk about reaching a new low.

Mike didn’t go home though, instead he stayed at a cheap hotel with a half-decent minibar where he could drown his sorrows. It was pathetic, of course it was. Still, he didn’t want to talk to anyone and he knew that if he ignored Harvey’s calls long enough, then he would probably show up at his apartment.

He had been right.

_I’ve called you fifteen times and you’re not at home. Where the hell are you? Call me back._

Mike sighed as he listened to the voicemail. He hadn’t even realized how late it had gotten. He was a fucking terrible boyfriend for worrying Harvey like that and he couldn’t even blame it on the vodka.

“Great, Michael. Why don’t we just wreck the one good thing you have left?” He told himself as he dialed Harvey’s number.

Harvey answered within two seconds.

 _“Mike, where are you_?” Harvey sounded completely freaked out and Mike wanted to bang his head into the nearest wall.

“I’m at-“

“ _Is he okay?”_

Mike frowned for a second before he recognized the other voice. “Is that Donna?”

“Yes, it’s Donna.” Harvey replied, he still sounded like he was panicking, but he seemed to have calmed down just a bit. “I called her, and Louis, Katrina, Rachel and fucking _Harold_.”

Great, now everyone he cared about was probably worried about him. He didn’t want that, he had never wanted that, it had been part of why he had left in the first place and now everything was going to shit. Again. Because of him.

Mike didn’t even realize he was sobbing until he heard Harvey say something along the lines of _“Mike, please don’t cry. Just tell me where you are.”_

Mike quickly pulled himself together, as he dragged a hand across his face, angrily wiping away the tears that were running down his cheeks. “Sorry.” He managed to say. “I’m drunk.” Then he laughed bitterly.

Of course he was. His grandmother would have been so proud of him. Pathetic.

 _“Mike.”_ Harvey said _. “I’m sorry about earlier, I shouldn’t have-“_

“Don’t.” Mike stopped him at once, holding up a finger as if Harvey was sitting right there in front of him. “Don’t’ apologize, I’m the one who can’t-“ He didn’t even know where he was going with that sentence. He shook his head. “I’m fine, okay.” Mike said then. “I’m staying at a hotel tonight.”

_“Where?”_

Mike shook his head again, why the hell couldn’t Harvey just let it go? Why did he have to call and be worried and act so perfect, when Mike was nothing more than a screw-up? Harvey had always reassured Mike that they would be okay no matter where their careers were going, but now that Mike had actually quit and was faced with a reality without so much as a college-degree, he couldn’t help but feel completely lost. Mike knew that it was hard for Harvey to adjust as well, and for once, Mike really wanted to be the one to say that they would get through it, but he couldn’t even convince himself of that.

Harvey was still name-partner at one of the most successful law firms in Manhattan. Mike was a dishwasher at a restaurant where he had gotten turned down as a waiter. That in itself would be challenging, but the fact that everyone knew that Mike and Harvey were together, and that Mike used to be a lawyer as well, just made everything ten times worse. No one would understand and neither could explain.

They couldn’t say that Mike wanted to try something else or was tired of a life in the office, because everyone knew how much Mike had loved that job. They couldn’t say that he wanted less hours and more times with his family, because his only family was in that damn office. Besides, even if they said that Mike just wanted a change, it didn’t explain why someone with amazing grades from college, a degree from Harvard-law, and stunning references, couldn’t get a decent job.

Mike felt fucked.

“I think it’s better if I stay here tonight.” He finally told Harvey, carefully massaging his temples.

_“Like hell it is. You can’t let this bring you down, we’re still adjusting, we’ll find you a better job, okay?”_

Mike sighed heavily. We. Which meant that Harvey would try to fix everything. Again.

“It’s not…” Mike started, but he didn’t what to say. It’s not the job? It’s not that easy? It’s not your problem? They would all be lies. “A good idea.” He settled for. “I’m acting like a spoiled brat, and I’ve already been enough of a pain in everyone’s asses for one night.”

_“Mike, I love you.”_

Mike wanted to laugh because it sounded like Harvey was at a loss of words as well. He didn’t though, even though a smile actually appeared on his face. “I love you too, Harvey.” He answered. “More than you know.”

Before Harvey could say anything else, Mike just hung up. He felt like shit for doing it, just as he felt like shit for worrying Harvey in the first place. He groaned and threw himself on the bed as he realized that he had to be at work in five hours.

Mike couldn’t sleep though. His head was spinning from the alcohol and his mind was racing. Mike thought of his old office and the pride had felt when Harvey had told him that it used to be his. He thought of how Rachel had chosen Logan, about landing himself in the hospital and Harvey staying by his side. He thought of Katrina and Louis who had forgiven him even after finding out who and what he really was.

Mike wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, but he awoke abruptly when someone was banging on his door. He groaned and rolled out of bed, realizing all too late that he wasn’t in his apartment as he tripped over his shoes and almost crashed straight into a wall. What a day to start the day.

He was more than a little surprised to see Harvey standing on the other side of the door. “Harvey?” he asked, clearly confused. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” Harvey asked as he brushed past Mike and entered the messy hotel room. “You sounded like a complete wreck last night, I had to call Vanessa and have her run your credit card for god’s sake!”

“You put your PI on me?” Mike asked.

Harvey just stared at him for a moment, looking like he was about to explode. Instead, he just went over to Harvey and wrapped his arms around him, holding him so tight that Mike struggled to breathe. A part of him actually wanted to push Harvey away, but instead he just breathed him in, the smell of him, the feel of him, and wondered if it would still be the same in the morning.

“Don’t ever do that to me again.” Harvey murmured into his neck, and Mike let out a breath of relief. Then Harvey pulled away enough to hold Mike at an arm’s length, looking him straight in the eye. “You hear me?”

“Sorry.” Was all Mike managed to say. “I just needed to get away, clear my head, I should have told you.”

“Yes, you should have.” Harvey said, his voice firm, but strangely comforting. Mike could only imagine how angry he would be if Harvey had pulled the same shit on him. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Sorry.” Mike repeated. “What time is it?”

Harvey shrugged. “I don’t know, eight?”

Mike groaned and ran a hand through his hair. “There goes my job.” He said “I was supposed to be there hours ago.”

“Screw that job.” Harvey said. “We’ll find you a better one.”

“As what?”

“None of the jobs we looked at even required a degree, Mike.” He said “I hired you knowing you didn’t have one, you are more than impressive.”

Mike knew Harvey had a point. Still, he found it hard to be confident or even charming, at the moment. Mike knew that he was brilliant and that he had a lot to offer. That didn’t change the fact that Mike still wanted to help people, he wanted to make something of himself, but he was at a complete loss as to how to do it.

“I just…” Mike said as he slumped down at the edge of the bed. “I can’t really walk into another office with as much cockiness as I had when I met you.” He said. “I’m too…” Mike had to look away from Harvey before he was able to finish the sentence. “Scared.”

Harvey sighed before he walked over to where Mike was sitting, and crouched down in front of him. He put one hand on Mike’s knee to steady himself, and palmed Mike’s cheek with the other. “We’ll get through this, you know.” He said.

“I don’t like the person I am at the moment.” Mike admitted, as he felt nauseous from all the vodka he’d had the previous night. “I can’t really expect you too, either.”

Harvey sighed again. “You felt overwhelmed, you needed to get away, it doesn’t mean that-“

Mike got up from his seat then, careful not to knock Harvey over in the process. He went over to the window and leaned heavily against it. “I ran away from my problem, got drunk, and worried everyone I care about.” Mike said “I sit around all day watching reality-TV, and the only reason I got the job as a dishwasher was because the guy pitied me when he saw the look on my face when I got turned down as a waiter. “

“Fine, okay, fine.” Harvey argued as he threw his hands out to the side. “I won’t baby you, what you did was stupid and selfish, and you need to get your act together. Is that what you want to hear?”

Mike didn’t know the answer to that one, so he just stood there and stared at Harvey like he was a fucking unicorn. He knew Harvey was right, so why the hell couldn’t he bring himself to care? He felt like he was a teenager again. Nothing seemed to matter.

But Harvey should matter.

“I love you too much.” Mike said then, feeling his throat tighten. “I’m too selfish.”

Harvey looked as confused as ever and Mike couldn’t really blame him. He took a couple of steps closer to Mike, careful to keep his distance, probably not wanting Mike to shut him out again. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“You deserve better than this.” Mike said. “Than me.”

That was it, wasn’t it? That was the real reason why Mike had been so worried about quitting in the first place. He was afraid that he wouldn’t be enough for Harvey anymore. If he worked the rest of his days as an assistant or a bartender that really didn’t matter, because at least they’d go home at the end of the day and still have each other, and Harvey could talk about his cases and Mike could have valuable input, and they would eat, and watch movies and have great sex.

Except that it wasn’t like that at all.

Harvey walked on eggshells around Mike, he didn’t mention work, because he knew that it would just upset Mike. Mike couldn’t get a decent job that would pay his bills. They didn’t talk like they used to, and Mike mostly encouraged sex if it meant getting his mind off the rut they were in. They’d pretty much been living in denial ever since Mike had left, and it wasn’t how it was supposed to be, it wasn’t _them._

“How many times do we have to have this conversation?” Harvey asked.

“I don’t just mean me not being a lawyer.” Mike said, before swallowing heavily, refusing to let himself cry. “I don’t just mean the fact that you’ve had to lie to your brother, or put your neck out for me because of what I am.” He said. “I mean that I’m completely _lost,_ I don’t know what to do, and I’m dealing with it terribly, and you shouldn’t still have to pick up the pieces of the mess that I keep leaving.”

“What about when I was lost, huh?” Harvey asked, he looked mad, almost infuriated, but Mike wasn’t sure if it was because he agreed or disagreed with what Mike was saying. “You didn’t leave me.”

“Harvey…” Mike said, shaking his head. “You’re supposed to be at work right now, instead you’re here babysitting me.”

“You’re being ridiculous.” Harvey stated, and Mike almost wanted to laugh. “I’m here because I want to be, I’m _with you_ because I want to be.” He said.

“What are you telling people at work?” Mike asked then. “When they ask about me?”

Harvey didn’t answer, so Mike didn’t say anything.

“So you’ve decided to give up, is that what you’re saying?” Harvey asked. “Is that how little faith you have in me, in us?”

Mike bit his bottom lip, because he couldn’t even imagine it, and the words escaping Harvey’s lips made him sick to his stomach. Harvey was literally _all_ he wanted, but he didn’t want the man he loved to give up so much for him. It wasn’t fair. How could Mike claim to love Harvey when he was willing to put him through all of that?

“I’m a grown man, Mike.” Harvey continued then. “I know what I’m doing, I’ve known from the first time you kissed me, and I’m not giving up on you.”

Mike couldn’t do anything else but reach out and kiss him, selfish as it may have been. Harvey immediately kissed back, naïve as that might have been.

Mike just figured that was the way it would be from there on out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just know a lot of you have feedback on this chapter and most of probably ain't even positive. But those of you who've seen the finale (season 5), knows that this is an actual fear that Mike has. If you've paid attention to the little things throughout the fic, you'll see that a lot of it has been building up to this.  
> So, next chapter? We still don't know what Malone was planning, do we? (Well, I do).


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update you guys! Finals have been crazy. Only one more to go!

Harvey knew Mike. He prided himself on knowing what was going on in that brilliant mind of his. Sometimes Harvey was able to figure out what was wrong with Mike before his boyfriend was even aware of it himself. They were in-sync, almost connected.

Which was probably the biggest reason why Harvey was constantly worried about Mike after he had quit his job. Mike was distant, different, and Harvey struggled to get a decent read on him. Things had only gone from bad to terrible when Mike had decided to drop off the face of the earth, leaving Harvey pretty much terrified.

Deep down, Harvey wanted to believe that he still knew Mike enough to know that Mike wouldn’t do something like leave him, or hurt himself. Except, Harvey wasn’t sure what Mike would and wouldn’t do anymore. Which was why he had felt like both crying and yelling at Mike after finding him in that hotel room, looking like the end of the world was upon them.

Harvey didn’t know how to comfort him anymore, or how to make him see sense. The worst part was that Harvey would actually see where Mike was coming from, how difficult them being together would be from now on. Still, Harvey refused to give up on them without a fight. He could fight for the both of them; god knows that Mike had done that plenty of times.

“Hey, you got a minute?” Harvey asked as he walked over to where Mike was sitting by the computer, working on an application form.

“Sure, what’s up?” Mike asked, still tapping away on the computer.

“So, last week, Malone approached me with this idea.” Harvey said as he sat down next to his boyfriend at Mike’s kitchen table. After the disaster with Mike taking off, Harvey had decided to give him some space before telling his boyfriend what Malone had suggested.

Mike raised his eyebrows, but still didn’t look at Harvey. “What kind of idea?”

“Well.” Harvey started as he absentmindedly started reading what Mike was writing on his computer. “He would like us all to get to know each other better.” He realized the second he had said it how damn stupid it sounded.

Mike stopped typing then, and finally looked over at Harvey with a frown on his face. “Who’s us? What do you mean?”

Harvey looked at Mike for what felt like the longest time, before answering. “Us who knows.”

“What?” Mike asked, still as confused as ever, and Harvey couldn’t blame him. He had regarded it as a stupid idea when Malone had approached him, but after everything that had happened, maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea for Mike to actually interact with their friends again. Even if it was at some kind of trust-building dinner.

“He just figured that with all the tension that has been going around, maybe it was a good idea for everyone to just get together and build some… Trust.” Harvey said, and it didn’t take a mind-reader to see that Mike really wasn’t on board with that idea. “Look, I know it sounds stupid, but maybe it could be…. Fun.”

Harvey didn’t even believe that and he was doing a shitty job at trying to sell the idea to Mike.

“What does it matter?” Mike asked “I’m gone, the risk is gone, can’t they just forget about it?”

It was Harvey’s turn to frown then, because he understood what Mike was really asking and he didn’t like the sound of it. “You mean, forget about you?”

Mike bit his bottom lip, but didn’t answer, and Harvey shook his head. “I can’t believe you.”

“I’m sorry, okay?”

“Stop fucking apologizing.” Harvey said through gritted teeth, but he immediately regretted how harsh he had been. “They don’t want to forget about you, they’re your friends, our family, remember?”

“I just want what’s best for everyone.” Mike said silently. Harvey leaned back in his chair and dragged a hand across his face. God, he was so tired.

“I can tell you right now, that ignoring Louis’ calls and declining Donna’s invitations to lunch, isn’t doing anyone any good.” Harvey answered. “Neither is pushing me and everyone else away, Jesus, Mike, I’m getting really worried about you.”

Harvey thought Mike would get mad or upset at that, but instead he just looked up at Harvey with pleading eyes. Once again, Harvey was wrong about Mike. He hated it. “I don’t want anyone to worry about me.” He said, and fuck; Harvey knew that all too well. It was a huge part of the problem. “I’ll try better.”

It sounded sad, and not like the person who Harvey had fell in love with. He reached out and squeezed Mike’s arm. “I just wish I could make this a little easier for you.” He said.

“No, you’re right.” Mike said with a small smile. “I shouldn’t ignore everyone; it’s not fair, to them or to you.”

Harvey smiled at him, but wasn’t sure what to say. Mike sighed heavily but then grinned as he got up from his chair and instead put his arm around Harvey’s neck and settled on his lap. Harvey immediately wrapped his arms around Mike’s waist, happy for the intimacy.

“Can we at least make some secret signal in case I want to get the hell out of there?” Mike asked, as he absentmindedly started stroking the hair in the back of Harvey’s neck.

“Well, obviously.” Harvey answered. “I’ll have Ray ready with the getaway car.”

“See, this is why I love you.” Mike said as he leaned in closer and pressed a firm kiss to Harvey’s forehead.

Harvey hummed in appreciation, before nuzzling against the side of Mike’s neck. “It’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, I know. “Mike said, “I’ll get back on my feet, I’m just really impatient.”

“I get it.” Harvey answered. “But you know that I meant what I said when I told you that you don’t have to do things alone, right?”

Mike nodded. “Yeah.” He said “There’s just some things I need to figure out on my own.”

Harvey knew what Mike meant, but that didn’t mean that Mike had to pretend that nothing was wrong whenever Harvey was around, keeping everything inside until he had a breakdown. Harvey had learned that the hard way.

“Maybe you should talk to someone?” He asked. “You liked Agard right?”

Mike sighed. “I can’t really see how that will help when I can’t tell the whole truth.” He said “I know I’m lucky, there are people out there without any jobs, or a place to go at night.”

“Just because people have it worse doesn’t mean that you can’t struggle.” Harvey answered. “But you’re right, you’ll figure it out. We always do.”

“I could always go back to dealing drugs.”

Harvey rolled his eyes at him. “You were shit at dealing drugs.”

Mike snickered then and nodded in agreement. That was more than true. Harvey leaned in and kissed the side of Harvey’s jaw, just because he could, and it had been a while since they had been like this.

“We can’t go backwards, Mike.” Harvey said silently, because he finally had Mike in a position where his boyfriend would actually listen to him. “We’ve had this conversation before, we have to keep talking and be honest with each other, okay?”

“I know, I know.” Mike agreed.

Harvey was silent for a while before he poked Mike in the side. Mike met his eyes and smiled at him.

“You’re not a burden to me.” Harvey said then. “Ever.”

Mike smiled again as he rested his forehead against Harvey’s. “Dinner then?”

“This weekend.” Harvey answered. “Saturday, so we can get drunk.”

Mike laughed a genuine, amazing laugh. Harvey had missed that more than anything.

It was fine, they were going to be fine.

When Saturday came around though, everything as anything but fine. Mike was literally shaking next to Harvey on their way to the restaurant that Malone had picked out. Ray was glancing at them in the mirror every now and again, as if he was genuinely nervous that Mike might jump out of the car.

“Hey, relax.” Harvey said, it would have been funny if Mike had been just nervous, but he looked terrified. He reached and threaded their fingers together, trying to calm Mike down a bit. “You’re worse than when you were going to meet Marcus for the first time.”

“Yeah.” Mike agreed as he scooted closer to Harvey. “I know it’s stupid, I just feel like all eyes are gonna be on me.”

“It’s just a dinner, Mike.” Harvey reassured him as he gave Mike’s hand a squeeze. “We’ll probably talk shop, catch up and have a few drinks. Relax.”

“You’re probably right.”

Harvey hadn’t been right. At first it had been fine, and everyone had been very happy to see Mike again. Donna had kissed his cheek and embraced him, and Rachel had hugged him for so long that Harvey had almost gotten jealous. Louis shook his hand and grinned at him, and even Jessica offered him a smile and a proper greeting.

They were a family, and there was very little they wouldn’t do for each other. Still, Harvey couldn’t remember a single time they had been together like this. Sure, there had been St. Patrick’s Day, and different firm parties, but then there had also been dates and other friends involved.

Malone looked creepily happy with the fact that all of them were gathered. Louis, Jessica and Mike all looked like they would rather be on the surface of the sun. Donna, Katrina and Rachel seemed all too happy when their drinks arrived, and Harvey was starting to regret dragging Mike out to this disaster.

“The whole gang’s here.” Malone said as he clasped his hands together. “I guess we can order then.”

Ordering their food would probably be the least awkward thing they’d do all evening. Harvey couldn’t help noticing how Mike had his thigh pressed against his own, and Harvey glanced over now and then to offer him a reassuring smile.

“So.” Donna said as the silence reached a new stage of awkwardness. “You’re anniversary is coming up.”

It took a moment before Harvey realized that she was talking to him and Mike, and even then, he didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t really thought about it.

“Right!” Rachel said, trying to offer some input. “Do you guys have anything planned?”

“Ehh.” Mike said as he looked over at Harvey, it didn’t seem like he had given it much thought either. To be honest, Harvey wasn’t even sure when their anniversary was. The date when Mike had first kissed him, when they had started sleeping together, when they had decided to be in a real exclusive relationship? Why had things been so complicated in the beginning?

“Not really.” Harvey answered then, and he felt like the worst boyfriend in the universe because everyone at the table probably figured out that he had forgotten all about it.

Then Donna started laughing, and Katrina and Rachel soon followed. “You guys are such a mess.” Donna said. “How did you even survive this long?”

Even Jessica snickered, and Harvey couldn’t help but do the same when Mike snorted. Maybe he should take Mike on a trip, up to the cabin or perhaps even out of the country. He needed a break from it all, both of them did.

“So, this is all of us then?” Malone asked. “The chosen few?”

Harvey wanted to punch him in the face, when he felt Mike tense up beside him once again. It didn’t seem like Malone wanted to ruin the mood, but that was exactly what had happened.

“Mostly.” Mike answered, as he started moving his potatoes around on his plate. It was like his boyfriend had been sucked of all his confidence lately, and Harvey honestly had no idea what to do except let Mike find his groove back, one way or another.

Malone frowned then. “Who else knows?”

Everyone at the table was silent, and decided that that was their cue to stop talking and start eating. Everyone except for Mike.

“Ehm.” He started “Some old friends.”

Harvey bit the inside of his cheek, so that was what they were called now. It was probably better than the whole truth. If Harvey hadn’t been there, next to Mike, through all of it, he wouldn’t have been happy with knowing that people like Trevor knew. Well, Harvey still wasn’t happy, but he didn’t think it would be a problem either.

“They won’t tell.” Mike reassured Malone, but his voice was practically shaking. Harvey met Donna’s eyes and she looked genuinely worried about Mike. She wasn’t the only one. Everyone at the table looked like they believed an insecure alien had replaced the once confident Mike that they all knew.

“Okay then, great.” Malone said, and he seemed to leave it at that. Good. Harvey was about to jump in, but he wasn’t sure how Mike would have reacted to that. “So you trust them?”

Okay, so maybe not.

“More than I trust you.”

Harvey actually choked on his drink as the words escaped Mike’s lips, and everyone at the table seemed just as stunned. Harvey looked over at his boyfriend, who suddenly seemed to be in a glaring contest with Malone. That had taken a quick turn.

“Okay, maybe we should just turn it down a notch.” Louis suggested as he looked back and forth between Malone and Mike.

“I get that.” Malone said suddenly. “Which is why I think it’s important that we all start now in building a trustworthy relationship.” He said before giving Mike a nod. “Sorry for the ambush.”

Harvey was actually proud of Mike for standing up to himself, even though everything had gotten really tense, really fast.

“Get that smug smirk of your face, Harvey.” Jessica said, almost to the point of rolling her eyes. Then everyone was laughing again.

The night had started out as a disaster, but maybe they could have it end on a better note.

Half an hour later, the conversation was running a lot more smoothly. Mike, Rachel and Katrina were talking about the good, old days when the three of them hated each other and how far they had come.

“Oh, god.” Rachel said as she pointed at Mike. “Remember that video?”

“Okay, let’s talk about something else now.” Mike answered at once and Katrina looked slightly amused, but still a little guilty.

“I agree.” She replied.

“Oh, come on.” Rachel said. “It’s kind of funny looking back.”

“Easy for you to say, you weren’t even in it.” Mike argued, but even Harvey had to agree with Rachel that it was kind of hilarious how out of hand things had gotten back then. Sometimes the firm was a lot like high school.

“You guys were so childish.” Donna said, and then glanced accusingly over at Louis as well. “Playing favorites.”

“Hey.” Katrina said, trying to defend herself. “I think he had it coming.”

“What happened to wanting to change the subject?” Mike asked. “Besides, you’re just jealous because team Mike won.”

“Team Mike?” Katrina asked with raised eyebrows, as both Harvey and Jessica asked the waitress for another drink.

Mike gestured to himself, Donna, Rachel and Harvey and mouthed a ‘team Mike’ with a cocky grin.

“Hey, I’m on everybody’s team.” Donna argued as she too asked for another glass of wine. “If you guys could just lay off the pissing contests, everyone would be happy.”

“You were on team Mike and you know it.” Mike answered, and Donna couldn’t help but shake her head and snicker.

Then Mike fell quiet again and seemed to tense up a bit beside Harvey. Harvey frowned slightly and discreetly bumped their shoulders together, trying to catch his attention, but his boyfriend didn’t seem to notice or take the hint.

“Speaking of.” Louis said, and Harvey looked up to see Louis typing something on his phone. “McKernon motors wants a meeting next week, can we fit them in on Wednesday, Harvey?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“You have appointments all day.” Donna reminded him.

“Fine, Thursday then.”

“You’re back on McKernon motors?” Mike asked then and Harvey turned his head slightly to meet Mike’s eyes.

“Yeah.” He answered, and maybe he should have something more, but he didn’t know what would be appropriate in their current setting.

“Good, that’s good.” Mike answered.

Harvey swallowed before turning back to Louis. “Just tell them Thursday morning, and then put down your phone.”

“Yeah, I thought we agreed no talking chop.” Malone said.

“Sorry.” Louis said before quickly typing something and then putting his phone back in his pocket. “Okay, who needs another drink?” he asked, just as the waitress came back with a tray with drinks for Harvey, Jessica and Donna. Everyone raised their hands.

“Excuse me.” Mike said after he ordered his drinks. He offered Harvey one last look and a smile before he headed off towards the bathrooms.

“Really?” Harvey asked, as soon as Mike was out of earshot. “You couldn’t have been a little more discreet about the client meeting?”

“Hey, you are the one who said we would always be available to them.” Louis argued. “Besides, I didn’t know that you hadn’t told Mike about taking them back on as a client after he left.”

“Harvey, he really doesn’t look good.” Rachel said then. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine.” Harvey almost barked back at her, even though he didn’t know why he was being so rude. She was only worried after all. “He’s just… Transitioning.”

“So you just don’t talk about work at all?” Katrina asked. “Pretend like he never worked with us? Is that why he never answer my texts?”

“I don’t want to rub it in, okay.” Harvey answered. “And I really don’t want to talk about him while he’s in the god damn bathroom. If you want to know why he doesn’t answer, then ask him yourself.”

Then a silence fell over the table again, and when Mike returned he could immediately sense the change in mood.

“What did I miss?” he asked and looked over to Harvey for an answer, but Harvey couldn’t even look at him. Harvey regretted not making one of those signals they had been discussing so they could get the hell out of there.

“Nothing.” Louis offered, but his voice was so stern that Mike probably caught on right away.

“Yes, it’s pretty obvious that you weren’t all talking about me, at least.” Mike said, sarcasm dripping from his voice as he glared at Harvey.

“It’s nothing.” Harvey answered, as the waitress came back with their drinks. “Thank God.”

“You know, maybe I should go.” Mike said then, clearly irritated with his boyfriend and probably everyone else as well.

“We were just asking Harvey how you were doing.” Katrina said then, and Harvey didn’t know whether to be upset with her or actually admiring her for having the balls to say something. “Since you aren’t really talking to any of us anymore.”

Mike didn’t answer, and this time Harvey was the one who waited in suspense for what his boyfriend might reply.

“Sorry.” Mike answered then, silently. “I didn’t mean to shut you out.” He was quiet for another moment before getting up from his chair. “But I should go.”

“Mike.” Harvey said.

“Come on, Ross.” Malone said then, while Mike was nervously scrambling to get his coat on.

“Look.” Mike said and held up a hand. “I think it’s obvious that I’m not going to say anything to anyone, so if you want to start this circle of trust shit, then do it without me, because I-“ he stopped for a second, before continuing. “I really don’t belong here anymore.”

With that he all but hurried away from the table, like the building was on fire.

“Shit.” Harvey muttered as he ran after him, not caring what anyone at the table might say as soon as he left.

He caught up with Mike outside, desperately trying to get a cab.

“Mike, stop it.” He said as he got his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll call Ray, I just need to pay for our food and drinks and-“

“No.” Mike interrupted him as he shook his head. Harvey suddenly had a flashback to when Mike had found out that Scottie knew his secret and they were standing outside of Harvey’s apartment building, begging Mike not to leave. “No, you go back inside- Shit, I forgot to pay- whatever, I’ll pay you back late, just go back inside, and-“

“I’m not doing that.” Harvey said. “You’re clearly upset and you might think that you need to be alone right now, but you don’t.”

“You don’t know what I need, Harvey.” Mike answered, sounding at a complete loss as to what to do. “I don’t even know.”

“Then we’ll figure it out together.” Harvey replied, trying his best to sound calm even though he wanted to shake Mike and yell some sense into his head. “Like we always do.”

“No, not this time.” Mike answered stubbornly. He took a deep breath while staring at his feet, before he looked up to meet Harvey’s eyes again. “Why didn’t you tell me about McKernon?”

Harvey sighed heavily, why did it even matter? “Because I didn’t think you need another reminder as to what you lost.”

Mike bit his bottom lip and nodded before dragging a hand through his hair. “You feel guilty? Because I’m here and you’re still there?”

“Maybe, yeah.” Harvey said.

“Well, don’t.” Mike answered, sounding almost angry. “You deserve to be where you are, and maybe I deserve to be where I am.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I don’t mean to sound pitiful, Harvey.” Mike said, and Harvey actually believed him. “Maybe this is for the best, but I’ve tried so hard to have it both ways, and I just can’t.” He continued. “Yeah, it sucks that you tiptoe around me all the time and that everyone feel like I’m shutting them out, but I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to act, or what to do, I don’t know _anything_ anymore.” He said “Trust me, that’s not something I’m used to.”

“Do you love me?” Harvey asked then, and he didn’t even register himself asking it before the words were said out loud.

Mike took a deep breath and looked at him with confusion in his eyes. “So much.”

“Then that’s something you know.” Harvey said. “And I love you, and I think you know that too.”

“Of course I do.” Mike said, and Harvey hated how he could see tears forming in Mike’s eyes. “But it’s not that simple. I feel _so_ lost, like I’m fucking drowning.”

“Then just tell me what to do, what I can do to help.” Harvey said as he put his hands on Mike’s arms, holding him in place, afraid that he would run away. “You have all these people willing to help you if just let them.”

Mike actually let out a sob then, but quickly pulled himself together as he angrily dried his tears away with the sleeve of his jacket.

“Mike…” Harvey said softly.

“Please, can you just go back inside and make up with your friends?” Mike asked. “I don’t want you guys to fight over me anymore.”

“Jesus, Mike.” Harvey said “We fight all the time, we’ll apologize and make up, don’t worry about that right now. Let’s just get home, and you can get some sleep, I have the day off tomorrow, we can talk then, you’ll feel better.”

Mike didn’t seem like he wanted to do that, he didn’t seem like he wanted to sleep, or talk or even go back home. Harvey was already trying to find out what to say to convince him, but Mike didn’t argue with him, instead he just nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

“Yeah?” Harvey answered, and Mike nodded again.

Harvey didn’t dare to go back inside to pay their check, afraid that Mike might run off if he let him out of his sight.

When they got back home, Mike wanted to watch a movie, so Harvey made popcorn while Mike picked out what to watch. They settled against each other on the couch, and Mike immediately wrapped his arm around Harvey’s waist and nuzzled his head in the crook of Harvey’s neck as _Sleepless in Seattle_ started playing on the television.

“I love this movie.” Mike muttered. “I know I said it was stupid, but it’s not.”

“Yeah, I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst is strong with this one. Sorry.


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. Christmas has been crazy. I suck.

Father Sam Walker. Now that was a man Mike didn’t think he’d see again, certainly not one he’d seen himself turn to in a time of despair. To be honest, Mike hadn’t really thought he’d set foot inside a church again.

That man had been such a huge part of Mike’s life while growing up, and Mike had never showed a lot of appreciation for it. Instead, he’d stolen from him, turned away from him and blamed him for so much.

Mike had been so lost at the time, ever since he’d lost his parents. Father Walker had tried his best to support him, to lead him, just like his grandmother had, but Mike hadn’t really wanted to listen. Mike had been brilliant, even back then, and for some reason, he thought that that was enough. He should have been kinder to the people he had left.

“Michael.” Sam said. “Well, this is a surprise.”

Of course the man remembered him in a heartbeat. It wasn’t like Mike was easy to forget.

“Yeah, I suppose it is.” Mike answered, as he put his hands in his pockets. He looked around the church, and realized that it looked exactly the same as it had when he was a teenager. It was funny how the whole world seemed to change so fast, so drastically, while some things stood frozen in time.

“So, what can I do for you?”

That was the million dollar question, wasn’t it? The one everyone kept asking him, but Mike didn’t know what to answer. “I needed to talk to someone.” Mike said. “Under the confessional.”

Father Walker nodded. “I see.” He said, and he must have seen something in Mike’s eyes, because he smiled warmly at him and asked him to have a seat. “Let’s just skip the little dark box, shall we?”

Mike shrugged, but did as he was told and sat down on the front row in the empty church. Father Walker took a seat next to him and waited patiently for Mike to say something.

It took a while, longer than it should have, given that Mike had gone through the conversation so many times in his head, but when he first started talking, he couldn’t stop. He told Father Walker about what happened with Trevor, the math test, how he had dropped out, meeting Harvey, taking the job, his grandmother, Rachel, his friends, everything.

He told him the story, but left out any details about how Mike actually felt about the whole thing. He wanted advice, not counselling. Which was stupid, of course, because Mike knew that he needed both.

“So, people know the truth.” Was all Father Walker said when Mike finally finished explaining.

Mike rested his hands in his lap and nodded. “Yeah, I mean, they don’t all know everything, but they know I never went to law school.” Mike said.

“You say that last part as if it’s just a technicality, Michael.”

Mike couldn’t help but notice the tone in his voice, and he sat up straight and looked old mentor in the eye. “You sound like you’re judging me.”

Father Walker looked confused for a moment, but he wasn’t phased a bit. “Isn’t that why you’re here?”

“I came here for advice.” Mike argued.

“I thought you came here for confess.” He answered, and for just a split second, Mike wanted to punch him in the face and just get up and leave. “You left, didn’t you?”

“Yes.” Mike said. “I wasn’t going to risk the people I love anymore.”

“Then I guess there is hope for you after all.” He answered, and Mike didn’t really like the sound of that, as if all he had done up to the point where he’d quit had been wrong.

“I wanted to use my brain to help people.”

“Did you?” He asked. “Really?”

Mike shook his head and scoffed, but he didn’t have a good answer, because lately he had been questioning every decision he had ever taken, and he wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

“You broke the law, Mike.” He said “And you put the people who risked everything for you in danger.”

“I know.” Mike answered. “I told you, that’s why I left.”

“And how long did you live with that guilt before you decided to do something about it, how close did you get to getting caught before you realized you couldn’t do it anymore?” Father Walker asked, looking Mike straight in the eye. “Because I think that you came here for me to tell you that you did the right thing, and that you’re a good man.”

“I am a good man.” Mike argued without even thinking about what that meant. He took a deep breath before he dug something out of his pocket and handed it to the man next to him. “Here.”

Father Walker looked at the envelope in his hand for a moment before opening it, he stared at the money inside before he turned his attention back to Mike.

Mike knew that Father Walker remembered. Who wouldn’t remember an ungrateful kid stealing money from the church, because he thought he deserved it? Because he thought that the money his parents had given the church, the money that had been put into Mike’s education was somehow Mike’s to own.

“You never spent it.” Father Walker said.

Mike didn’t answer, instead he suddenly regretted going to him in the first place. He was right back to where he started, and he knew that Father Walker was just moments away from pointing it out. Mike was still bitter about the past, and even though he had realized that what happened all that time ago with Trevor, had been his own fault, even though Mike had quit his job, he was still lost, and he still couldn’t move on. He was still the same kid that had blamed the world for taking his parents away.

“I’m sorry, I never should have come here.” Mike said as he grabbed his bag and got up from his seat, he was quick on his feet and hurried away from Father Walker, like a man on the run.

“You’ve changed, Michael.” The man said, as he followed after Mike. “I can see that, the way you talked about what happened with Trevor, how you left your job, you are finally taking responsibility for your own action.”

“Yeah, just a little too late, like usual, right?” Mike quipped over his shoulder, still hurrying towards the door.

A hand on his shoulder finally stopped him. “Mike.” He said, and the sound of his nickname felt so foreign coming from Father Walker’s mouth. “Why are you really here?”

“I told you-“ Mike started as he turned around.

“No, the real reason.” He said, and he looked a Mike with that look in his eyes, that could make anyone rethink their actions.

Mike shrugged. “I don’t know.” He answered. “Lately…. I just don’t know anything, anymore.”

“Why didn’t you leave earlier, Mike?” Father Walker asked.

Mike didn’t answer, he couldn’t.

Father Walker smiled at him. “Why don’t you tell me about this Harvey Specter?” he asked.

Mike let out a small laugh that probably sounded like a sob. “You’re not going to tell me that I’ll end up in Hell or something?”

“Oh, Michael.” Father Walker answered on a sigh as he put his hand back on Mike’s shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “I really hope you know me better than that.”

Mike nodded, because of course he did, it was just… Scary.

“Come on, Michael.” Father Walker said and then he waited a moment. “Why did you wait so long to quit?”

“Because…” Mike started, but his voice seemed to break before he even had a chance to get the words out. Still, he cleared his throat and tried his best to finish the sentence. “Because I was afraid.”

“Of what?” Father Walker asked, as if he’d known Mike’s answer all along.

“They left me all alone.” Mike replied, and he knew that Father Walker understood that he was talking about his parents. “Then Grammy….” He said. “And then I thought I’d find somebody I was going to be with forever… But, I wasn’t enough for her. Can’t really blame her either, given the circumstances, huh?”

“But then you found someone else, didn’t know?” He asked. “Someone who knows all of your little secrets, but who loves you anyway.”

“But he never knew me as anything else than his associate, even if it was a lie, I was still a great lawyer in his eyes.”

Father Walker nodded in understanding. “You were afraid that if you weren’t _that_ anymore, then he would leave to?”

Mike shrugged and a smile appeared on his lips and tears started forming in his eyes. “I told him, you know, what I was afraid of, and he reassured me that we would make it.”

“But you didn’t believe him?”

“Let’s just say I’m a crappy boyfriend, okay?” Mike asked. “I believed that _he_ believed so, but I was afraid to risk it.”

“And now?” he asked. “You’re still together, aren’t you?”

Mike nodded at once, nervously patting his sweaty palms against his jeans. “Yeah, yeah.” He said. “Things are just… Different.”

“Different how?”

“It’s my fault, really.” Mike said on a shrug, as he quickly dragged a hand over his face when he realized a tear had escaped from his eye. “I have no idea what to do, and I keep shutting everyone out, he doesn’t want to remind me of what I can’t have so we never talk about his work anymore. He walks on eggshells around me, which isn’t all that surprising given the way I’ve been acting.”

Father Walker offered him a reassuring smile as he shook his head. “You are one peculiar man, Michael.” He said “Either you blame the world for your problems, or you think everything is your fault. You know, some things we just can’t control.”

“Maybe.” Mike answered.

“You’re really lost aren’t you?” he asked. “Come on, I want to show you something.”

**

Mike felt absolutely exhausted when he came home that night, it had felt like the longest day in a long while, but at the same time, he felt as if a burden had been lifted off his shoulders.

“Mike?”

Mike’s head shot up when he heard Harvey call out his name, not aware that the other man had been waiting for him.

“Hey.” Mike said as he rounded the corner into his living room, just as Harvey got up from his seat on the couch to meet him. “I’m sorry, how long have you been waiting?”

Harvey shrugged. “Half an hour, or so.” He answered as Mike went over to him and pressed a chaste kiss against his lips. “I thought you’d be home, I tried calling, but it went straight to voicemail.”

Mike sighed and scratched the back of his neck. “Sorry, it ran out of battery after….”

Harvey’s brows furrowed as he led Mike to the couch and the two of them sat down. “After what?”

Mike smiled at him. “I went to see someone.” He said, “Got some advice.”

That seemed to peak Harvey’s curiosity, as he put a hand on Mike’s knee and squeezed it. Instead of saying anything else, Mike put his hand on top of Harvey’s and entwined their fingers. “I’m not…. I’m not doing so good, Harvey.”

Harvey bit his bottom lip and nodded. “Yeah, I know.” He answered. “You ready to talk now?”

Mike nodded. “Yeah.” He replied, and then looked Harvey in the eye, almost a pleading look on his face. “You’ll listen, won’t you?”

Mike could tell that Harvey understood what he meant. Really listen, see Mike’s side of things. It was scary for both of them, but it was crucial. “Yeah, I’ll listen.”

“I lost my faith a long time ago.” Mike started, it was as good a place as any. “When I lost my parents, I lost my way.”

Harvey nodded, but didn’t say anything.

“I wasn’t a really good person back then, and I’ve been blaming other people for my mistakes for a long time.”

“Babe, we’ve already had this conversation.” Harvey said, and Mike wondered where this conversation would go if Harvey was already interrupting him. Still, he couldn’t help but offer his boyfriend a coy smile.

“I know, will you just let me get to the point?”

“Sorry.”

“Anyway, it feels like everything I’ve done ever since then has been distractions to the fact that I didn’t really believe in anything anymore, let alone myself.” He said. “But then you came along and you changed that.”

Harvey smiled at him.

“My parents, Grammy, you, I’ve always had people believing in me, but I’ve just used that opportunity to justify my actions instead of redeeming myself.”

Harvey looked confused for a moment, as he gave their entwined fingers a squeeze. “Sorry, I’m not following.”

“I talked to an old friend today, he knew my parents, my grandmother.” Mike tried to explain. “He helped me see everything they wanted for me, everything I could still be.” He said. “I quit my job, and to be honest, most of the time it feels like the world is ending.”

“Hey.” Harvey said, his voice so soft and comforting as he scooted closer to Mike.

“I wasted a lot of time, Harvey.” Mike said “But what I realized today is that I wouldn’t change any of it, because otherwise I never would have met you, or Louis, Donna, any of you. I gained a family.”

“Yeah.” Harvey agreed on a sigh, but he still seemed worried, and probably wanted Mike to get to the point soon.

“And I hate that I can’t see you guys every day, and that I had to call Daniel yesterday because I need to sell my apartment-“

“You didn’t tell me that.”

“Shush, taking.” Mike said and Harvey actually glared at him. “I miss you guys, I miss everything we used to have, and I really hate that you guys are so on edge because of me.”

Harvey looked like he wanted to say something again, but stopped himself when he saw the look in Mike’s eye.

“But you told me that you could get through it and I believe you.” Mike said “I believe in you.” He continued. “And thinking about all of this is killing me.”

Suddenly the entire mood seemed to change again as Mike struggled to keep himself together. “I’m sad, almost all the time, Harvey. I just want to scream, okay? And it’s not your fault, and I know everyone wants to help, but there isn’t anything any of you can do, _I’m_ the one who needs to change.” He said, his voice was almost failing him as he struggled not to cry, and Harvey looked at him as if he was close to breaking down himself. “And I love you, god I do, no matter what happens with everything else, I love you so much, and you’re wonderful, but you can’t fix this.”

“I can try.”

Mike smiled. “You already have.” He said “And sometimes, when you do that horrible imitation of Maverick when we watch Top Gun, or when we stay in bed on Sundays, then I’m happy, like really happy, but I can’t keep relying on you for my own happiness.”

“What exactly are you saying here, Mike?”

“I want to be someone I can be proud of, someone who actually accomplished something, the old fashioned way- you know, the legal way.”

“Okay, yeah.” Harvey said, as his face seemed to light up a bit. “Mike, that’s great.”

Mike knew that Harvey was probably reaching for straws at this point, trying his best to convince himself that this could only be a good thing.

“But…” Mike started, trying to make Harvey accustomed to the idea that something bad was coming. “I can’t really do that here.”

Mike figured Harvey would frown in confusion, or become upset, but instead he just looked at Mike for what felt like the longest time, before he nodded in understanding. “Yeah, I kinda figured that.”

Mike expected him to at least say something more, even if it was just a hint of what he felt about the situation, of what Harvey wanted to do, but instead he just kept staring at the floor next to Mike’s feet.

“Harvey, I want to finish college.” Mike tried then, to see if he could get some kind of reaction out of his boyfriend.

“That’s probably a good place to start.”

Mike really didn’t want to get annoyed or frustrated, because he knew this was just Harvey stalling while he tried to figure out everything in his head. Mike also knew that if he pushed it, then everything would just blow up in his face, but it was really hard to just sit there and watch Harvey while his boyfriend refused to show any kind of emotion.

Still, Mike just sat there while Harvey stared at the floor, even though it was slowly driving him mad.

“Where?” Harvey suddenly asked, and Mike almost jumped out of his seat at the sound of Harvey’s voice.

To be honest, that was probably something Mike should have thought of before he even told Harvey about any potential plans, but he had just been so caught up in the actual idea of getting a degree that he hadn’t thought that far ahead yet.

“I don’t know.” Mike said. “I mean, if I’m going to do this now, then I need to start the application process soon, I guess…”

At that, Harvey got up from his seat on the couch and ran a hand through his hair, before he started pacing nervously. Still, he didn’t say a word, and Mike just sat there, following his boyfriend’s movement with his eyes.

“So, what are you saying here?” Harvey asked. “What do you want from me in all this?”

Mike sighed as he got up from his seat as well, walking up to Harvey. “I just want to hear your opinion.” He said. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“But you’re leaving.”

Mike swallowed heavily. “Please don’t look at it like that.” Mike said as he reached out and squeezed Harvey’s arm. “Because it’s not, okay?”

“How else am I supposed to look at it, Mike?” Harvey asked, and then he stared down at his feet for the longest of time before he finally looked Mike in the eye again. “I said a long time ago that if you ever had to leave, then I would come with you.”

“Harvey, I know you don’t want to leave, and I would never ask that of you.” He answered as he brought both hands to rest against the side of Harvey’s neck. “And to be honest, I don’t even know what I’m going to do, where I’m going to go, I just want to know if you think we could make it…”

Harvey looked at him then, frown on his face and confusion in his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Do you think we could make it if I went to college on the other side of the country?” Mike asked. “Long distance relationship and all that?”

“I thought _you_ didn’t believe that would work, wasn’t that why you were so upset when Rachel was going to Stanford?” Harvey asked, he was still tense, and Mike could sense in it his fingertips, but he tried his best to stay calm.

“There was a lot of things I didn’t believe until I fell in love with you.” Mike offered. “But… I want to do this so I won’t ever have to worry about getting caught again, and so that those I care about won’t have to lie for me again.., so I guess, I’m giving you a way out right now, if you want to.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Of course not.” Mike said at once. “But if you’re on board with this, then I’ll apply to different colleges, and I might not get in anywhere, I mean, I was kicked out of one already, but…”

“I think we both know that that’s not very likely.”

“Still.” Mike continued. “We still have time to figure all of this out, but I won’t do it without you, and you don’t have to decide right now, but if you decide that this is something that I can do, something _we_ can do, then I don’t think I can take it if you change your mind later on.” Mike said. “I need some kind of stability in my life right now, something that I’m sure of.”

“You can be sure of me.” Harvey answered, almost a little too fast for Mike’s liking, as if Harvey wasn’t really understanding what Mike was telling him.

“I know that.” Mike reassured him. “But I need to do something for myself, I can’t go around like I’ve been doing anymore.”

It took while, but Harvey finally seemed to see something in Mike’s eyes to make him realize what he was trying to tell him. He nodded before leaning in and kissing Mike’s forehead. “Yeah, I know.”

“This old friend I was talking about….” Mike started, and Harvey seemed to listen again. “He ran this private catholic school I went to as a kid…”

“Wait, you went to catholic school?” Harvey asked.

“Yeah, I know.” Mike answered, as if he didn’t need to explain himself. “Anyway, long story short, there’s this bookcase in the library there with Grammy’s name on it, she gave him the money to buy it, and it was filled with all of these books that used to be my parents…” Mike could feel his eyes welling up again, but he tried his best to push aside those feelings. “I never knew about it until today, but I guess that was what made me realize that I should do something more with my life. _Be_ something more.”

“I know you want to make them proud, Mike.” Harvey answered, and his expression seemed to soften a bit. “Of course I won’t stand in your way, it’s just…. A lot, I guess.”

“Yeah, it’s been a lot for a while now.” Mike replied. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be.” Harvey said, and even though Mike knew that he would never leave Harvey if the positions were reversed, Mike also knew that he would have struggled like hell to see Harvey so miserable as Mike had been lately.

“I guess I should have had more of a backup plan.” Mike said with a crocked smile. “Anyway, Father Walker told me that Trevor had been to see him some time back.”

“Trevor?” Harvey asked, probably wondering what he had to do with this whole thing.

“Yeah.” Mike answered. “Apparently he’d really turned his life around, so after my talk with Father Walker, I called to talk to him.”

“And how is our favorite drug dealer?”

Mike scowled at him, but decided to let it go. “He really has changed. There was a lot of manly apologizing. He’s married.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, his wife asked him to leave his past behind him, and Trevor even told me that she probably would be pissed if she knew that he was talking to me.” He continued. “He said that he thought it was a good thing that I quit, and that one day I would realize that waking up without the fear of getting caught would be much more important than money.”

“You were never in it for the money though, Mike.” Harvey said. “Not like he was.”

“I know that.” Mike said. “But it’s not like I gave it all to charity. I didn’t mind it. And I guess I understand what he was saying.”

“Yeah, I get it too.” Harvey said, and then there was a long pause again, before Harvey added. “You know I love you more than anything, Mike, and I wouldn’t change what we have for anything, but….”

“You wouldn’t mind the constant anxiety of me getting whisked away to prison?” Mike said, finishing Harvey’s sentence. “Yeah, I get it, Harvey, I really do.”

Harvey took a deep breath before bringing a hand to Mike’s cheek. “So, what now?”

Mike leaned in and gave Harvey one long, chaste kiss to Harvey’s mouth. “I guess we’ll find out.”


	63. Chapter 64

«Was that really necessary?» Donna asked as she all but scowled down at Harvey, who pretended not to notice.

“What?” Harvey asked back, even though he was fully aware of what she was talking about.

“Biting Rachel’s head off like that.” Donna answered while walking over to Harvey’s side of the desk and leaning against it.

“When someone can’t do their job right, then they deserve to hear it.”

“She was five minutes late with the summary from the hearing, it’s not like she lost a written confession.” Donna continued, testing Harvey’s patience. “Come on, you know she’s got enough to deal with, and Rachel’s great at what she does, which is why you keep asking her to do all the things _your_ associate should be doing.”

“I don’t have an associate anymore.”

“I’ve set up interviews for you on Friday.” Donna said, as she poked Harvey’s leg with her foot. “Don’t you dare cancel again; you’ll make yourself look like an idiot.”

“Fine, whatever.” Harvey replied, as he continued pretending to read his e-mails.

“Okay, so I’m guessing this has something to do with Mike.” Donna said, the tone in her voice changing slightly.

“And why would you say that?” Harvey asked, even though he really didn’t want to know the answer. He still didn’t look up at Donna, and Harvey knew that she was getting annoyed with him, even though she wasn’t letting it on.

“Because he’s the only one who gets under your skin like this.” Donna answered. “So spill. Is he still restless?”

“Something like that.” Harvey replied before he sighed and finally turned around to face Donna. “He’s leaving, I think.”

Donna actually frowned then, which was something she rarely did. “What are you talking about?”

“He wants to go legit.” Harvey answered as he leaned back in his chair, turning it towards Donna. “Go to college, do something real with his life besides sit around here being reminded of what could have been.”

“Oh.” Was all Donna said, which was very unlike her. “Well, he’s said that before, remember?”

“This time it’s different.” Harvey replied, and a part of him actually hoped that Donna would do her thing and tell him what he should do, because at the moment he felt really torn. “And I can’t tell him not to go because that would be so selfish, but-“

“You want him to stay.” Donna said. “Of course you want him to stay, you love him. But…”

“But what?” Harvey asked as he noticed the look in Donna’s eyes, it looked almost like uncertainty, but Harvey couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“I thought the two of you might leave the city if it ever came to this.” Donna said, and this time it seemed like she was the one who didn’t really want to know the reply.

Harvey offered her a small smile at that and bumped his knee against her leg. “Yeah.” He agreed, before he paused, trying to think of what to say. “He hasn’t even decided where he wants to apply yet, but it has to be far away from here, no big cities with a lot of connections to Manhattan, probably.” Harvey shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“He loves you just as much as you love him, you know.” Donna said then, trying to offer some comfort or certainty in the middle of it all.

“I know.” Harvey said, as he waited for Donna to finish her train of thoughts, because he was sure there was more to what she was saying than just stating the facts.

“And I know that I said that it would suck if you guys left, but if that’s what it takes…” Donna said before taking a deep breath. “I get it, okay? You don’t want to leave here, you’ve earned your position, and this city is your home, and whether you stay or go with Mike, you will leave something you love behind.” She said, but this was all things that Harvey had already thought about and he really didn’t see how Donna pointing it out again would make a difference. “But he’s thinking the same thing, you know? His whole life is also here in the city, but right now, he really doesn’t have much of a choice, does he?”

“I know that.” Harvey said. “Which is why I can’t ask him to stay, and probably why he would probably never admit that he want me to go with him.”

“Then you’ll have to figure it out. Maybe you’ll beat the odds with you still here and him somewhere else.” Donna said. “But Harvey, you are allowed to be selfish if that’s what makes you happy, that’s what Mike wants for you, and you should allow him to put himself first as well.”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing.”

“Without somehow holding it against him.” Donna said. “He deserves a second chance, and you deserve to have this-“ she said and waved around the office. “If you honestly think that you can go with him without someday regretting it, or even worse, resenting him for it, then by all means, you should follow him to the end of the earth if that makes both of you happy, but you need to be sure. It’s not fair to either of you if you’re not.”

Harvey took a deep breath, a thousand thoughts suddenly spinning around in his head. Of course he loved Mike, of course he loved his job. He knew Donna was right though, he needed to really think this through before making a decision. Mike wasn’t just his boyfriend, he was also one of his best friends, his family, but even so, he and Mike had been together for less than a year. Who knew what would happen if they moved away, Mike going to school and Harvey getting a job where he got paid a third of his current salary, with a smaller office and an assistant he didn’t really like.

He might be going with Mike for the right reasons, but there were no guarantees, and he needed to think with his head, not just his heart.

“Yeah.” Harvey said. “I guess there was a reason why he wanted me to think about all of this.” He continued. “I just… Sometimes I wish that he was legit, you know.”

“Not as much as he wishes it, I’m guessing.” Donna said as she reached out and squeezed Harvey’s shoulder. “But I don’t think the two of you would ever be this close if it weren’t for everything you’ve been through together.”

Harvey smiled at her. “You’re probably right.” He said. “No matter what, he won’t leave until next year, so I guess we have plenty of time to figure everything it out.”

“I can’t believe you guys have almost been together a year.” Donna said with a small smile. “It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long.”

Harvey shrugged. “Seems like longer in some ways.”

Donna squeezed his shoulder again. “You have a meeting in ten minutes.”

“Thanks, Donna.”

Harvey was absolutely exhausted when he got home from work that day, more so than he had in a long time. Donna was right, there was no way he could pull off not having an associate for much longer. The tiredness might have had something to do with the fact that he hadn’t even noticed that someone was in his apartment until he heard a familiar ‘shit!’ coming from the kitchen.

“Mike?” Harvey called out as he made his way inside.

“Harvey?” Mike asked back, as if he was surprised that Harvey was home, even though it was his apartment.

“Yeah, I didn’t know you were coming over.” Harvey said just as he rounded the corner and was all but struck by the sight before him.

“I’ll clean it up.” Mike said, almost nervous, but most innocently.

The kitchen was a mess. There were pots and pans in the sink; there was flour on the floor, and something that looked like chocolate stains on the fridge, and the counter was overflowing with all kinds of baked goods. Well, not all of it actually looked that good if Harvey were to be honest, but still, this wasn’t something he’d thought he’d see in his lifetime.

“You’re baking, then?” Harvey asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Scones?” Mike asked as he picked one up and threw it to Harvey. “I tried like four times before I got them right, had to go out and get more oatmeal.”

“Right.” Harvey replied, still not entirely sure what was going on. He still took a bite at the scone offered to him though, and was pleasantly surprised. “Not bad.”

“I baked.” Mike said then, as if Harvey hadn’t already figured that out. “I was at home, and I was looking at some college brochures, and then suddenly I was here…. Baking.”

“Right.” Harvey said again, before pinching the bridge of his nose. He really just wanted to call it a night, but it seemed like his boyfriend had other plans. “So, what? You want to go to culinary school or whatever?”

“What, no.” Mike answered at once, as if that was more ridiculous than whatever was taking place in Harvey’s kitchen at the moment. “I just thought I’d…”

“Bake?”

“Yeah.”

“I see.” Harvey answered. “Okay first of all, hi, by the way.” He said as he walked over to Mike and gave him a quick peck on the lips. “My day was fine, way too long though, Louis had to hand over this meeting to me last minute.” Harvey continued. “And your day has been productive, I see?”

“I changed my mind.” Mike said then.

“About?” Harvey asked.

“College. Moving.” Mike answered, and his voice was almost vibrating with the words. “We should stay here, it’ll better that way, and I can just keep looking for a job, you’re right, I’m bound to find something eventually, and it’ll probably be good, no it _will_ be good.”

He was talking so fast that Harvey almost didn’t catch everything he was saying. Harvey sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He knew where this was coming from, and it was just Mike panicking and realizing he was still terrified of losing the few good things he had in his life.

“How about I help you clean this up, and then we’ll go to bed, huh?” He suggested. “We can talk about this tomorrow?”

“It’s not that late.” Mike answered, and Harvey could only offer him a small smile.

“I’m tired.” He said, and Mike looked at him for what felt like forever, before he nodded in agreement. “Yeah, okay.” He said “You can go take a shower and I’ll clean up, okay?”

Harvey thought about it for a moment before he put one hand around Mike’s waist and pulled him closer. “You look like you could use a shower yourself, come on, we’ll get this out of the way and then you can join me, how about that?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Mike said, even though his voice was still high-pitched as if he was nervous, and his body was practically vibrating, dying to just do _something._ Harvey nodded before leaning in and kissing Mike’s temple.

Harvey grabbed a muffin from the counter and popped a bite into his mouth. “Mm, maybe you should consider opening that bakery after all.”

Mike actually chuckled at that. “Grammy’s recipe.” He said. “And if you try the brownies, you might disagree with that statement.”

Harvey eyed the brownies suspiciously for a moment before raising an eyebrow at Mike. “There’s pot in them, isn’t it?”

“What?” Mike asked. “No, scout’s honor.” He said. “They are just really bad.”

After their shower, Mike seemed more relaxed and he immediately crawled under the covers and let out a deep breath as he tugged his arms under his pillow. Harvey smiled at him before getting in himself, laying down on his back and staring up at the ceiling.

“What are you thinking about?” Mike asked, his voice low and comforting.

Harvey turned his head slightly to look at his boyfriend. “Nothing.” He answered, as he felt Mike reach out and stroke his chest with his fingers. “You should get some sleep.”

“You’re the one who looks like he’s been awake for three days.” Mike replied, his eyes fixed on the way his fingers were dancing over Harvey’s skin. It tickled slightly, but Harvey didn’t mind.

“Thanks, rookie.” Harvey snorted.

“You’re just as handsome as ever, of course.” Mike added then with a small smirk. “Long day?”

“I really need to get an associate soon, or Rachel is going to wind up in the hospital again.” Harvey answered.

“Then why don’t you?” Mike asked. “It’s been a while now.”

Harvey sighed before turning around to face Mike completely. He buried the side of his face into the pillow and stared at Mike so intensely that he could see Mike catching his breath. “I guess I’m not ready to let go of my old one yet.”

Mike looked sad for a moment, and Harvey hated seeing Mike that way. Still, the situation was rather sad, wasn’t it?

“I don’t think he’d ever be ready to let go of you, either.”

Harvey felt an ache in his chest then. He didn’t know what it meant or why those words weren’t even slightly comforting. It just felt wrong, all of it, and Harvey couldn’t put it into words or make sense of any of it.

“You’re the bravest man I’ve ever know, you know that?” Harvey said, not really expecting the answer, but saying it anyway. “I’ve never met anyone like you before.”

Mike smiled, that kind of torn smile, as if he didn’t really believe Harvey, but didn’t want to say anything about it. “I love you.” He said instead.

Harvey would take what he could get.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is happening.   
> Two things:  
> 1) Sorry that the latest chapters have been kind of the same thing over and over again, but the story will definitely take another direction soon.   
> 2) Some of you wanted Mike to stay in New York and go to University there. I think we all know that logically, that's not possible. He's made a name for himself there, and it would be impossible for him to get a degree without raising suspicion, since he's supposed to have a law degree from Harvard.


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update. So sorry you guys, but I'm still sick. Still in and out of hospitals, and I'm trying really hard to keep up with my schoolwork so. I'll try to do better.  
> To everyone making suggestions about where to take the story, I really appreciate it and I'm happy that your passionate about it, but I've already decided how the rest of the fic is going to go.  
> Love you!

Mike awoke abruptly from someone grabbing his shoulders and stirring him into the land of the conscious. He gasped as he pushed himself onto his elbows, nearly knocking Harvey in the teeth while doing so.

“Harvey?” Mike asked, still only half-awake as he was trying to take in his surroundings and separate dream from reality.

“Yeah, kid.” Harvey answered. His face was close to Mike’s, and for a second Mike worried about what his breath might smell like. Stupid, he hadn’t worried about that for a long time. “You were crying out in your sleep.”

“Sorry.” Was Mike’s immediate response. “Nightmare.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Harvey asked, bless his soul. Even in the dark, Mike could still make out how tired Harvey looked. It had been a rough couple of weeks in the office, and he knew Harvey needed to catch up on some well deserved sleep.

“No, you go back to sleep.” Mike reassured him. “I can’t remember much anyway.”

That was a lie though. He remembered the dream fairly well. He had been in Harvey’s kitchen, drinking coffee, when the phone rang. It had been someone telling him that Harvey had been attacked in prison, that he was dead. Mike had frantically asked what Harvey was doing in prison, and the man on the other end of the phone call had just said “fraud” and then hung up on him.

Mike knew that the whole setting of the nightmare had been unrealistic of course, and he was upset with his own mind for even creating such a scenario. You would think that someone as smart as him would at least get the facts straight, even if he was unconscious.

Still, it made him feel sick to his stomach. It should have been him.

“You sure about that?” Harvey asked as he reached out and palmed Mike’s cheek. Mike only nodded and tried his best to convince himself that it had just been a dream, that the fear of something happening to those he loved because of his own mistakes were over now.

“I’m sure.” Mike answered, when Harvey didn’t look convinced. He leaned in and gave Harvey a quick peck on the side of his mouth. “Come on, let’s get some sleep.”

Harvey didn’t say anything else, but he scooted a bit closer to Mike before he let himself relax again. It didn’t take long before Harvey’s breath evened out again, and Mike could tell he was fast asleep. Still, Mike was left staring at the ceiling, his eyes being accustomed to the dark room. There was something in the pit of his stomach, a strange feeling that something bad was about to happen.

Mike shook the thoughts away before he turned over on his side and buried his face in the pillow. He didn’t have to think like that anymore. The damage was done, but so was the risk. He sighed heavily as he remembered that the couple moving into his old apartment would sign their contract the next day. Who would have known that doing the right thing could feel so awful?

The next morning, Mike groaned heavily when Harvey’s alarm went off. He threw an arm over Harvey’s chest and snuggled his head into the crock of Harvey’s neck. “Five more minutes.” He murmured.

He could feel Harvey smile against the top of his head. “Sorry, big meeting today.” He answered, but didn’t move out of Mike’s grasp.

“You always have a big meeting.” Mike pouted, as he prodded his head up on Harvey’s shoulder and attempted to make eye contact with him. “You working this weekend?”

“I’ll try to get out early on Saturday.” Harvey promised as he placed a kiss on Mike’s forehead. “We’ll go out.”

“Yeah, okay.” Mike answered, knowing that he’d been kind of a hermit ever since he had to put up his apartment for sale. When Harvey was at work, Mike usually stayed at home, researching different colleges and universities, but when Harvey came home, he never said a word about it. Mike didn’t know why, it wasn’t like they hadn’t talked about it over and over again, but a part of Mike still couldn’t believe that this was his life now.

“Spill.”

“What?”

Harvey quirked an eyebrow at him, the way only Harvey Specter could, and if Mike wasn’t so used to it by now, he probably would have dropped the innocent act and told Harvey what he was thinking about.

“What’s on your mind?”

“I was thinking maybe I would go with you to work today.” Mike said, finally. “I mean, Rachel said she would go over the draft for my college application.”

He tried his best to read Harvey’s expression as the words left his mouth, wondering how his boyfriend would react, but Harvey only nodded in agreement. “Sounds like a good idea, but then we should probably get out of bed soon.”

“Yeah.” Mike said then as he leaned in closer and kissed Harvey on the mouth. “I need a shower.” He said. “You should join me.”

Harvey actually grinned at that, and threw the covers off himself and Mike, causing Mike to burst out laughing. Okay, so things were still good then, even if they were a little uncertain. That Iwas just the way it had to be for now, and Mike figured he had to be okay with that.

Harvey was in a good mood as they drove to the office, and he updated Mike on the case he was working on and Mike felt a thrill of joy as he gave Harvey some pointers as to what old cases he should research. It wasn’t the same as doing the work himself, and seeing Harvey beam with pride once he figured something out, but Mike still loved feeling like he was actually helping.

It wasn’t until they arrived at the office that Mike started getting nervous. What if he ran into someone asking questions, or even worse, what if people kept staring at him, whispering things behind his back and making their own assumptions? Mike was a big boy, and he had no problem standing up to himself, but he still felt so out of place as they reached the elevator, that Harvey actually put a hand around his waist and pulled him closer. Mike wasn’t sure if it was comforting or not, but he thought it was kind of sweet that Harvey wanted to be there for him no matter what anyone else might think.

“Come on.” Harvey said, once they reached their floor, as Mike felt completely out of place. It was a very uncomfortable feeling, since Pearson Specter Litt used to be the one place where Mike finally felt like he belonged. “I’m sure Donna wants to say hi before you go see Rachel.”

He wasn’t sure if Harvey could sense how uncomfortable Mike was, or if he was really telling the truth, but Mike was glad that he had an excuse to walk with Harvey instead of walking aimlessly around on his own.

“Mike!” Donna said with a cheery smile, as she handed them each a cup of coffee.

“How did you-?” Mike asked with a raised eyebrow as he held up his cup in confusion. He hadn’t told Donna he was coming in.

“I always know.” Donna answered with a knowing smirk, not letting Mike finish his sentence. “So good to see you.”

“Yeah.” Mike agreed, as they all went into Harvey’s office. “It’s good to see you too.”

“You should really pop by more often.” Donna said, not even trying to be discreet. “Harvey has been so mopey lately.”

“I have not.” Harvey argued as he sat down behind his back, but gave Mike a fond smile anyway.

“Oh, and you have to meet the new you!” Donna said, a little too excited for Mike’s liking. “She’s not as brilliant as you of course, but very good, and she has _great_ taste in shoes.”

“Oh, right.” Mike said as he turned to look at Harvey. “I’d forgotten all about your new associate, Christina, was it?”

Of course Mike hadn’t forgotten about it, more like obsessed about it ever since Harvey had announced that he’d gotten a replacement, but he decided not to act like a jealous lunatic about the whole thing.

“Yeah, she’s great.”

Mike resisted gritting his teeth as he let out a soft “yeah, you said that already.”

Donna rolled her eyes at him, but Mike didn’t didn’t really feel the need to comment it, as he knew that he was sounding ridiculous. Whatever.

“Speaking of, did she-?” Harvey started to ask Donna, but before he could finish his question, Donna was already pointing at his desk.

“She came by with them this morning, she’s at her cubicle researching the cases you texted her about, want me to get her?”

“No, just tell her to come by her as soon as she’s finished.” Harvey said, and Donna nodded at him before turning her attention back to Mike and squeezing his shoulder.

“It’s _really_ good to see you, Mike.” She said before she gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

“Thanks, Donna.” Mike answered with a smile as she went back to her desk.

“See?” Harvey said as Mike turned to face him. “I told you everyone misses you.” He said, and Mike smiled at him as he went over to the couch and flopped down on it.

“I know.” He said. “Hey, those cases? Were they the ones I told you about on our way here?”

“Yeah.” Harvey answered with a nod as he picked up the file on his desk and started reading through it. “I guess, now that you don’t work here anymore, I really shouldn’t talk to you about my cases, but-“

He didn’t say anything more than that, and Mike was left to draw his own conclusion, repressing the urge to say something like “What are they going to do, put you in jail?” Mike hadn’t really thought about it, the fact that Harvey was still breaking the rules for him, as if it was completely natural for him to include Mike in everything, even though it wasn’t allowed.

Mike shrugged as he remembered bits and pieces from his nightmare coming back to him.

“Hey, you okay?” Harvey suddenly asked, and Mike wondered how long he’d been spacing out for.

“Yeah, sorry.” Mike said as he hurryingly got up from the couch. “I should go find Rachel.”

“Hey, you wanna have lunch?” Harvey asked, as Mike was already halfway out the door.

“Yeah, sure.” Mike said with a quick wave, as he all but paced by Donna, pretending not to see the frown on her face as he passed her.

Luckily, the walk to Rachel’s office was a short one, and Mike didn’t bump into anyone that he knew, or anyone that cared enough to stop and talk to him at least. His luck was cut short though, as he walked into Rachel’s office, only to see Louis sitting there as well.

“Mike, hi!” Rachel said with a surprised look on her face, and Louis turned around to face him, looking equally shocked. If Mike didn’t know any better, he would have believed that they thought he’d been dead or something.

“Hey.” Mike answered awkwardly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Oh, you’re not.” Louis said at once. “We were just talking about the ballet this weekend.”

“Louis got two extra tickets and wondered if Logan and I wanted to go with him.” Rachel quickly explained, as if Mike would think they were having an affair or something. Maybe they were just as comfortable as he was, who knew?

“Sounds fun.” Mike said. “I was just wondering if you had a moment to talk about that… thing, that we discussed?”

Smooth, Mike. Very discreet.

“What thing?”

And there it was.

“Oh, right.” Rachel said nervously. “Yeah, sure.”

“What thing?” Louis asked again, equally intrigued. Great, now it seemed like Rachel and Mike were having an affair. Mike wanted to throw his hands up in the air in frustration, and here he’d thought his life had been complicated before he quit.

“I was thinking about maybe, possibly, going to college or something.” Mike mumbled. “Maybe.”

“Oh.” Was Louis’ first reaction. “Oh, yeah, that’s great!”

Mike didn’t answer, instead he just bit the inside of his cheek and gave Louis a half-heartedly nod. He really didn’t want the whole world to know, in case he didn’t get in, or he chickened out, or if he just decided to go to clown school or something. Gross. Mike hated clowns.

Then there was that awkward silence that Mike had almost gotten accustomed to lately, before Louis finally spoke. “I’ll let you two… Talk, then.” He said as he got up from his chair. As he passed Mike in the doorway, he clasped his shoulder and told him it was great to see him.

Yeah, it was great seeing everybody. A part of Mike wished that it wasn’t.

“You sure you have time?” Mike asked. “I mean, it’s not like I can’t reschedule.”

Wow, that sounded pitiful. Mike chuckled nervously to try to hide it.

“Of course I do.” Rachel answered with a smile, that made Mike feel slightly better. He nodded and moved the chair that was in front of Rachel to the other side of the desk so he could sit next to her. “So, have you given any thoughts as to where you want to apply?”

Mike had given it a lot of thought, but that didn’t mean that he had an answer to give. He wanted to stay close, but he knew that he couldn’t stay too close. He figured a small town would drive him insane, but the bigger cities like LA or Chicago that he’d considered had big law firms with ties to Pearson Specter and Litt, and Mike was still obsessively paranoid about someone finding out. He kept imagining scenarios where Harvey came out to visit, but then they’d ran into someone Harvey or both of them knew, then someone would start asking questions and everything would turn to shit again.

Mike knew it was ridiculous, and he knew that it seemed like he was constantly stopping himself from being happy and moving on, but he couldn’t shake that constant fear that didn’t seem to want to go away.

“I mean, I still want to give my relationship with Harvey a shot.” Mike said. “But I don’t want him to feel obliged to move with me, so I was thinking somewhere with good travel connections to New York, hopefully not too far away, but still….”

“Not to close either, got it.” Rachel said, and then suddenly she reached out and squeezed Mike’s hand. “I’m really proud of you for trying this out, you know.”

It was like Mike had been waiting to hear those words all his life, and he smiled at her, feeling grateful, and a little more confident than he had been the last couple of weeks.

“Thank you.” He said. “I’m proud of you too, you know.”

“Thanks.” She answered. “So, what the hell are we going to write in your application?”

Mike sighed, yeah, then there was that.

It felt like they had been debating, and writing, and researching for hours when Malone came in and told Rachel to get a move on about some preparations for a meeting.

“I’ll get right on them, sir.” Rachel answered.

“Mike, good to see you.” Malone said as he exited again. Mike was starting to feel like he was back in high school and everyone was signing his yearbook with “Have a great summer!”

“I’m sorry, I really need to get back to work.”

“Don’t worry, you’ve been a great help.” Mike assured her as he squeezed her arm. “I’m just going to head into Harvey’s office and ask if he’s still up for lunch. Maybe I’ll get to meet the new me.”

“Oh, Chrissy?” Rachel asked with excitement. “She’s really cool, you’ll like her.”

Chrissy? Mike didn’t have a nickname. Well, technically, Mike was a nickname. Sometimes they would call him rookie, or kid, or genius. Whatever, it wasn’t the same.

“Yeah, so I’ve heard.”

Christina, or Chrissy, as everyone except Harvey seemed to call her, _was_ really great. Mike hadn’t expected anything else, since Donna had found her, and Harvey had chosen her, though. She had light brown hair to her shoulders, gorgeous brown eyes, and walked like she could murder people for a living. Still, she was funny, almost cheesy, with a great smile. The most important thing though, she was insanely passionate about her work, and seemed eternally grateful for the opportunity she was given.

In a way, she was like a female version of Mike from when he first started working at Pearson Hardman. It seemed like a lifetime ago. Mike almost laughed at the memory of Harvey firing him after Louis had pressured him into doing those drugs. God, if he had only known how messed up everything would turn out to be, then he wouldn’t have thought of that incident as the end of the world.

Of course Mike was a little bit jealous about this awesome, kickass woman that had walked into Harvey’s life and pretty much taken a place that used to be his, but he tried his best not to think about it. He knew that Harvey desperately needed someone good to help him out, and in the end, it would only mean that he’d get more time to be with Mike outside of work, so Mike kept trying to remind himself that this was a good thing.

“Mike, lunch?” Harvey said, and Mike fell out of the trance that he’d been in. Harvey was looking at him as if he had been trying to get his attention for a while, and Mike suddenly felt slightly embarrassed.

“Yeah, sorry.” Mike said. “Bit early, isn’t it?”

“I have meetings all day later.” Harvey said, and Mike nodded in understanding. He was just happy that Harvey made time for him in his busy schedule.

“Yeah, okay.” He said. “I could eat.”

“Great.” Donna said as she suddenly appeared behind them. “That means that Chrissy and I can order sushi, and we can work in here.”

“What?” Chrissy asked, like she was completely mortified by Donna’s suggestion. She was so innocent, Mike almost had to chuckle. “No, Harvey, I wouldn’t work in here without your permission, and I have way too much work to do, to eat now, and-“

“It’s fine.” Donna said, cutting her off as she winked at Mike. “We can eat and work at the same time, besides, I’ll help you out with that subpoena.”

Mike cocked her head at her and opened his mouth. “Traitor.”

Donna laughed at him.

Harvey chuckled as he got his jacket before walking over to Mike and putting a hand on Mike’s lower back. “Come on, rookie.” He said “I’ve only got an hour.”

For once, Mike actually felt strangely comforted and happy about the nickname that he usually hated.

“It was really nice meeting you.” Mike said, and Chrissy offered him a huge smile before he left the office with Harvey. “She seems great.”

“Yep.” Harvey answered. “So, how did everything go with Rachel?”

“Good.” Mike said, trying his best to stay on track with the conversation. “So, she graduated from Harvard, yeah?”

“Oh yes, I had Donna check three times.”

“Very funny.” Mike said sarcastically as they waited for the elevator. He was silent for a moment before adding. “She’s quite attractive too, right?”

Harvey just turned his head and glared at him. “At least she has some respect for her boss, which is more than I can say for my last associate.”

“Hey, I had more than enough respect, thank you very much.” Mike said, clearly offended, even though he knew that there was no actual heat behind Harvey’s words. Even though they hadn’t always agreed on everything, there had always been respect between them.

“You used to eat pizza in my office when you were pulling all-nighters, _without_ my permission, _and_ you’d spill on the rug.”

“I told you, that stain was already there.”

“Sure it was.” Harvey said, as they entered the elevator. “Just like those records were already in that order, I swear, for someone with a photographic memory, you are shit at organizing.”

“Whatever.” He said. “Speaking of, you just gave _Chrissy_ permission to work _and_ eat in your office without your permission. I didn’t get that privilege until after we were dating.”

“Who says I’m not dating Chrissy?”

“Oh, fuck you.”

Harvey actually laughed at that, and Mike couldn’t even be mad. He had always loved seeing Harvey laugh, even if it was at him.


	65. Chapter 65

_Thankgsgiving 2015_

«Maybe I shouldn’t have complained so much when you were living like a hermit.» Harvey said, and Mike rolled his eyes at him as he was checking the turkey for the fiftieth time. “You probably shouldn’t open the oven door as much.”

Mike knew that he’d been a dick lately. He’d ignored everyone to his best ability, not wanting to burden anyone with his depressing presence, but it seemed like their friends were even more stubborn than him, because no matter how hard Mike tried to shut everyone out, the more they tried to force themselves back into his life. They were pretty awesome after all.

So Mike was making an effort. He’d invited everyone to his and Harvey’s place for Thanksgiving. Mike still felt uncomfortable living there, seeing as Harvey owned the apartment and payed the bills, while he only brought groceries. Still, Harvey insisted that Mike should save his money, and deep down, Mike knew that that was probably smart.

“I can’t believe all of them said yes.” Harvey groaned.

Yes, everyone was coming. Louis, Katrina, Harold, Malone and Jessica, Logan and Rachel, Donna and her new boyfriend, John, who Mike thought was cool, but Harvey always seemed to be watching like a hawk. Even Marcus and Katie were flying in, since their kids were visiting Katie’s parents.

“Hey.” Harvey said as he wrapped his arms around Mike’s waist and kissed the side of his neck. “Do you think any of them is going to pry?”

“I don’t know.” Mike answered, and honestly, he’d prepared for every possible scenario that might happen. “But just in case something goes to shit, and Logan finds out, do you think Marcus and Katie are going to take his side, or do they seem like people who would help us hide the body?”

Harvey snorted then, and tightened his grip on Mike, as if he did not intend to let go any time soon. It was comforting, and oddly unfamiliar, for the mood to be so light. “It’s okay, we’ll just get everyone _really_ drunk so they won’t remember anything.”

“Alcohol.” Mike hummed happily. “Now, that’s something to be grateful for.”

Harvey was silent for a moment before he said: “You didn’t invite Chrissy.”

“You said she was out of town.” Mike answered innocently as he poured the cranberries out of the can, deciding not to comment on the fact that Harvey called her Chrissy, something he very rarely did.

“Would you have invited her if she hadn’t been?”

“I barely know her.” Mike said, as he turned around in Harvey’s arms and pouted at his boyfriend. “Why, do you miss her?”

Harvey grinned stupidly at him, and Mike couldn’t help but return the smile. “You’re such an idiot.” He said before leaning in and kissing the bridge of Mike’s nose. “You know that your ex is going to be here, right? And I’m not moping around about it.”

“I’m not moping around about Christina.” Mike said. “I think she’s great. Maybe a little cocky, but-“

“Pot. Kettle.” Harvey said. He pulled back a little so he could lean against the counter behind him. “And to answer your question, no, I don’t.”

Mike smiled at that, before he took a deep breath and looked Harvey right in the eye. “Do you think everything is going to go to shit tonight?”     

“Probably.” Harvey said on a shrug. “But at least your pie looks really good, so there’s always that.”

Mike started laughing at that, and as Harvey grinned at him, Mike couldn’t help but wonder how he ever lived without that beautiful smile in his life. It was getting cold outside, and Mike was pretty sure it would start snowing soon. It reminded him of the first time he had admitted to Harvey that he loved him. He still remembered feeling terrified, like his heart was going to beat it’s way out of his chest. In a way, that feeling hadn’t’ really gone away since that night, but in the best way possible. The last year had just been a serious of moments, like every year before, but so many of those moments had been of the unforgettable kind. Memories that Mike could picture himself telling to the nurses at the nursing home when he was old and miserable, and longing for the good old days. Hopefully that wouldn’t be the case, hopefully he would be old, but happy and proud of the life he lived. Hopefully, he would have someone else than just nurses to talk to, maybe someone to even reminisce with. But that would mean making all the right choices, taking all the right chances, and then maybe, just maybe, everything would turn out okay.

“What?” Harvey asked then, and Mike realized he must have been drowning in Harvey’s eyes and completely zoned out, thinking about everything that had happened, and everything that could still be.

“I’m just thinking.” Mike answered, shaking his head slightly, a smile still on his lips. “About everything that’s happened since this time last year.”

“It’s been a rollercoaster.” Harvey replied, and then he also got that look on his face, like he was remembering it all. “It feels like it’s been more than a year.”

“In a good way or a bad way?” Mike asked, even though he already knew the answer.

“Both.” Harvey answered at once, just like Mike knew that he would. Then he paused for a second, like he was studying Mike’s face, before he swallowed and said: “It feels like I’ve loved you forever.”

Mike’s breath hitched, which it really shouldn’t, because he knew that Harvey loved him, he knew that both of them felt like they’d been together for more than a year, but it still stopped him dead in his tracks whenever Harvey really let his guard down and poured his heart out to Mike.

“Yeah.” Mike agreed. “I know what you mean,” he said, before he leaned in and kissed Harvey again. Sometimes, it still felt like the first time, with excitement and emotions, but nowadays Mike _knew_ that they could make it. He knew that the two of them could survive pretty much everything, one way or another, if they were together or not, nothing would ever completely break them apart. Mike deepened the kiss, and he could feel Harvey go completely limp in his arms, melting into it. Mike realized that this was another one of those moments that he would cherish forever.

Then someone knocked on the door.

“Mmm.” Mike said as he pulled away from a reluctant Harvey. “Is it too late to cancel?”

“Maybe, it could be kind of awkward if we don’t answer, since both Donna and Jessica have a key.”

“You do have a valid point.” Mike agreed before he groaned. “Okay, let’s do this.”

Harvey winked at him before he straightened his tie and went to open the door. Mike took a deep breath. It was just a dinner. It was a way for them to reconnect. Mike held his breath for a moment as he heard Harvey greet Logan and Rachel. It still felt weird, and a part of Mike wondered if it always would. The last time they had all sat down for a meal, it hadn’t exactly gone too well, and Mike could feel his stomach turn into knots.

Then Rachel popped her head in and offered him a huge grin, and Mike had to push his anxiety away. It would be okay. Just a dinner. This was a good thing.

“Hey, you look great!” Mike said with a smile as he went over and greeted Rachel with a quick kiss on the cheek.

“How about me?” Logan asked with a cheeky smile, and Mike chuckled as he shook his hand.

“You look even better.” He answered. “Come on, Harvey will get you a drink.”

“Oh god, you two sound so domestic.” Rachel said. It looked like she was trying to hold back a laugh, and Mike couldn’t blame her. He’d been acting like a good housewife all day. Whatever.

“Well, they seem happy being domestic, don’t they?” Logan said, and there was something in his voice that made Mike suspicious, and as he looked over at Harvey, he could tell that he had caught up on it too.

“Not now.” Rachel said, rolling her eyes, as she accepted the glass of wine that Harvey had gotten her.

“What?” Mike asked, raising his eyebrows in curiosity.

“Nothing.” Rachel responded at once, before Logan had a chance to even open his mouth. Then someone knocked on the door again, and apparently the subject was dropped. A moment later he could hear Louis’ voice.

“It actually smells good in here. Did you hire someone to do the cooking?”

“Shut up and give me your coat, Louis.” Harvey answered.

Rachel snickered, and Mike only shrugged and rolled his eyes. Harvey wasn’t exactly the most gracious host.

A second later, Louis entered the apartment, with Katrina, Malone and Jessica behind him. “It does smell great in here!” Malone chimed in as he rubbed his hands together. “Let’s just skip the drinks and small talk and go straight to dinner, huh?”

“Did you hitch a ride with your bosses?” Mike asked as he went over to Katrina while Rachel and Logan greeted everyone else. “Favoritism, almost unprofessional.” He said with a smirk.

“Yeah, you’re one to talk.” Katrina said. “Besides, you’re just jealous that I’m the new favorite.”

“Pretty sure Rachel is the new favorite.” Mike remarked.

Katrina crossed her arms in front of her chest, as the two of them took in the room. “I don’t know, I mean, Harvey seems to be getting along with Chrissy really well.”

She looked up at him with a sly smirk on her face, and Mike just frowned at her before he bumped her hip with his own. “I hate you.”

“You love me.” Katrina quipped back, before she headed over to say hi to Rachel and Logan as well. Mike knew that she was only teasing of course, it was part of their very weird relationship. If someone had told Mike when he first met Katrina that they would become great friends, he would have laughed them in the face, but now she really was one of his closest friends.

A few minutes later Donna and John arrived with Marcus and Katie, apparently they had run into each other downstairs. Mike knew that things had been difficult, almost overwhelming, for Harvey lately, and seeing all that tension melt away as he greeted his little brother, melted Mikes’ heart.

“Michael!” Katie said with a huge smile as she kissed his cheek, before hugging him tightly. “Sorry, I know we said we would be here early, but the kids suddenly wanted to come with us, and it was a hassle getting them to their grandparents.”

“Oh, you could have brought them.” Mike said, he would have been more than happy with the kids joining them.

“Oh, no. Mama’s drinking tonight.” Katie said as Harvey handed her a drink. Mike couldn’t help but laugh. Katie was just as awesome as he remembered. “Besides, they love it at my parents, don’t worry.”

“That’s great.” Mike said, as Marcus went over to them.

“Hey, Mike.” He said as he shook Mike’s hand. “How are you, man?”

“Good, I’m good.” Mike answered, suddenly feeling flustered. “Sorry, I just have to check on the potatoes.” He excused himself, as everyone else went to sit down in the living room. The conversation seemed to flow well between the guests, and Donna must have said something hilarious because Rachel just burst out laughing.

Mike was absentmindedly poking the boiling potatoes with a fork, when suddenly Harvey was right there behind him, a hand on his shoulder. “Hey.” He said. “You want another drink?”

“No, I’m good.”

“I think Katie’s counting on you to get drunk with her tonight.” Harvey said, before putting a hand on Mike’s wrist. “Stop poking the potatoes, Mike.”

“Sorry. “Mike answered. “And what have you told Katie about me?”

“That you’re a drunk, obviously.” Harvey said with a smirk.

“You promised that we would all get drunk.” Mike said, jabbing a finger into Harvey’s chest. Who cares if they were the hosts?

“I’ll do my best.” Harvey promised. “Come on, I’ll help you finish this up, I’m starving.”

Harold arrived last, because he’d had to catch up on some work. Katrina looked at him for exactly three seconds before she went back to talking to Rachel. Harold looked extremely disappointed, and Mike just offered him a comforting look and a pat on the shoulder, even though he had no idea what was going on between them.

It was quite the surprise, but dinner actually went really well. Harvey did a great job refilling everyone’s glasses and Mike kept getting compliments about the food all through the meal. Mike and Katrina was, of course, already tipsy, and all though Mike had tried his best denying it for quite some time, it was getting obvious that he really was a lightweight.

“I got it.” Harvey said as Mike was about to get up and start cleaning the table.

“What, no, I’ll help.” Mike protested, but Harvey just put a hand on his shoulder to keep him from getting up.

“You did most of the cooking.” Harvey argued, and Donna flashed Mike a smile as she also got up from her seat.

“I’ll help, the cook shouldn’t do the cleaning.” She chimed in, and then Katie nudged Marcus in the side, and then suddenly he was volunteering to help as well. Mike couldn’t help but chuckle at the two of them as Katie innocently kissed her husband’s cheek before he joined Donna and Harvey.

“I didn’t know you could cook, Mike.” Jessica said then, obviously trying to keep the conversation flowing so things wouldn’t get awkward or tense. She was a woman of many talents.

“Funny, me neither.” Rachel said and tilted her head to the side as she looked almost accusingly at Mike. Still, there was a smirk on her lips that showed nothing but a sense of humor. “Except for pasta, that is.”

“I’ve been practicing.” Mike responded.

“Well, it was amazing.” Malone said. “Especially that pie, almost as good as my aunt’s.”

“Thanks, it was my grandmother’s recipe.” Mike said, leaning over to the side so Harvey could grab his plate. “It’s not quite as good, but-“

“It was great, Mike.” Harvey said before Mike had a chance to finish his sentence. Harvey was just trying to be supportive, but Mike really didn’t mind the memories of Granny. Thanksgiving had always been her favorite holiday, even though she thought the actual reason they celebrated it was total shit. She just liked reminding Mike that there was a lot of things in life to be grateful for, something Mike really needed to be told every once in a while.

“Thanks.” Mike answered, and then held up his glass, gesturing for Harvey to fill it up again. Harvey must have rolled his eyes at Rachel and Logan because they started chuckling. Still, he went over and got the bottle of wine they were finishing up.

“While you’re at it, Harvey.” Katie said and held up her glass as well.

“I like you, Katie.” Mike said, and Katie grinned at him with a nod.

“I like you too, Mr. Ross.” She agreed before they clinked their glasses together. This time, Mike could actually see Harvey shaking his head in disbelief, but he smirked at Mike when he caught his boyfriend looking at him.

“You know that Thanksgiving isn’t traditionally a holiday where you get drunk, right?” Louis said, and Mike just scoffed at him.

“Well, then maybe it’s about time we do something about that?” Logan suggested, and Mike grinned at him, which made Rachel smile at her boyfriend.

It was all good, weird, but good.

It turned out that Mike, Katrina and Katie weren’t the only ones who were up for getting drunk. It wasn’t often they all had a chance to let loose and forget about all the shit they were going through on a daily basis.

“Mike, do you have a second?” Harold asked as Mike emerged from the bathroom connected to the master bedroom. Mike nearly jumped out of his skin, not thinking anyone was waiting for him.

“Yeah, sure.” Mike answered with a frown as Harold sat down on his and Harvey’s bed. Since Harold looked extremely nervous as if he didn’t know what to say, and Mike felt more than a little tipsy, he sat down next to him. “So?”

“Do you think she hates me?” he asked then, and it took a second before Mike could register what he was actually being asked.

“Katrina?”

Harold nodded.

Mike had to resist the urge to groan and fall down onto the bed. He really wasn’t up for that conversation. “No, she doesn’t.”

“She’s barely looked at me all night.” Harold added in, and Mike just shrugged. Katrina was his friend, and Harold was his friend. “Did you invite Jimmy tonight?”

“Nah, he told me he was going to visit his family.” Mike answered honestly.

Harold nodded as if Mike had just told him that a hurricane could hit them at any time. Mike really didn’t miss being single and crushing after someone, that was for damn sure. “So, maybe she’s disappointed about that?” He asked.

“Harold. I can’t read her mind any more than you can.” Mike said. “What happened between you two anyway?”

“I don’t know.” Harold said. “I mean, we were dating, sort of, and then she had to work all the time, and I don’t know.”

He was babbling. Mike was more than familiar with the concept. “Just ask her, Harold.” He said. “Moping in her won’t make it any better.”

“How do you do it?” Harold asked then, looking straight into Mike’s eyes. Mike shifted away from Harold’s intense eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“First Rachel, then Harvey.” He said “You’re always so confident, and you just go out there and get what you want and everyone just wants you back.”

“Trust me, it’s not that easy.” Mike said. “Relationships aren’t supposed to just be a breeze all the time. You have to work for it. If you want to be with Katrina, then tell her that. It seemed like she really liked you so if something has changed then… Just _talk_ to her.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He said. “I probably should. God, I feel sick.”

“Please don’t.”

Mike looked up to see Harvey standing in the doorway, arms crossed in front of his chest. “You need something?” Mike asked with a small smile, tilting his head innocently to the side.

“I was afraid you’d puked down the bathroom again, but now Harold’s turning green, so.” Harvey said, gesturing to the sweating mess that was Harold Gunderson.

“No, I wouldn’t do that Mister Spec- Harvey.” Harold promised, and Mike almost started to laugh. Harvey wasn’t even Harold’s boss anymore, but he still seemed slightly scared of him.

“Good to know.” Harvey said. “Are you going to hide in here the rest of the night?”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re coming.” Mike said, and Harvey offered him one last look before he headed back to their guests. “You don’t have to be scared of him you know, I could tell you a couple of stories to hold over his head if you’d like. You know, if he gives you any shit.”

“No, Harvey’s always been pretty cool.” Harold answered with a small smile.

Mike offered Harold another smile. “Katrina’s pretty cool too, I’m sure she has an explanation if you feel things have changed between you two.”

“What about you, Mike?”

“What about me?” Mike asked with furrowed brows, wondering what Harold was even talking about. Maybe he was more drunk than tipsy, after all.

“You okay?”

Mike’s immediate reaction was to just nod and say “Yeah, of course”, because that’s the façade he’d been putting on for so long. “I’m figuring things out.” Mike said, nervously fidgeting with the sleeve on his jacket.

“Yeah, I know.” He said, but he didn’t say anything else, as if Harold knew a lot more than he let on. Mike wouldn’t put it past him. “You’ll be okay, though.”

“Yeah, I think so too.” Mike agreed with a smile. “Come on, people might start getting the wrong idea if we stay in here any longer.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Harold said “Thanks, Mike.”

Mike patted his back before the two of them got up from the bed and headed back to the living room.

“What the hell were you two doing?” Louis asked, because of course he couldn’t just let them discreetly join the group and pretend like they hadn’t been gone for a while. Of course the entire conversation stopped, and everyone was curiously waiting for an answer.

“Reminiscing about the good old days and talking shit about you. What else would we be doing?” Mike quipped back as he settled next to Harvey on the couch. Harvey chuckled, and Harold seemed both startled and calmer all at once. He even dared to sit down next to Katrina, who actually offered him a smile. “What are we talking about?”

“Figure skating.” Marcus answered, and at first Mike thought he’d be kidding, but since no one said anything and Harvey only smiled at him, it seemed to be the truth.

“Well, it _was_ the first winter sport to be included in the Olympics in 1908.” Mike said matter-of-factly, as he reached over and took a sip of his drink. It turned out to be Harvey’s though, since his boyfriend snatched it from his hand before finishing it off.

“Is there _any_ conversation that you can’t jump into without some kind of fun fact?” Louis asked.

Mike shrugged. “I read a lot.”

“I’d say.” Katie said, suddenly intrigued by this new information she’d gotten. “What’s the capitol of Sri Lanka?”

“Well, the legislative capital is _Sri Jayawardenepura Kotte_. It’s a suburb of the commercial capital, _Colombo,_ which also happens to be the largest city.” Mike said before he got another glass from the table that he guessed was actually his and took a drink of that. “I’m not really sure about the pronunciation though, but I can spell it.”

“Okay, what the hell?” Marcus asked. “I mean, I knew the kid was smart, but.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty much a genius.” Donna chimed in as she snuggled up against John. “But we’ll never admit that while sober.”

Harvey was practically beaming with pride, and Mike caught Jessica smirking at him. “He had a great teacher.” He said, and Mike decided not to comment on that, but only because he was pretty sure someone else would.

“Oh, yes. Please dazzle us with your knowledge of Asian geography, big brother.” Marcus said, and Mike tried his best to hold back a laugh, but failed miserably.

“Who asked you, anyway?” Harvey asked, and looked accusingly at both Marcus and Mike. Both of them just shrugged, but Harvey didn’t really seem annoyed, at least not immensely so.

“Okay, let’s try to keep it civil, especially when alcohol is involved!” Katie said as she put a hand on her husband’s shoulder. “Right, Mike?”

Mike nodded in agreement and held up his glass in a silent toast. Katie winked back at him.

“Seriously, should we be worried about this?” Marcus asked, gesturing between Katie and Mike.

“You should, you were the one who married someone way out of your league.”

“Hey!” Mike said and slapped Harvey’s arm, surprised by the tone of his own voice. He really ought to stop drinking soon. “Be nice to your brother.”

Harvey just raised his eyebrows at him, but Mike could see him fighting a smile. He thought Mike was adorable, and Mike knew it.

Then Mike could see Logan whisper something to Rachel and she immediately turned her eyes and looked at Mike and Harvey for a second before turning her attention back to Logan. She didn’t look to pleased.

It wasn’t always a good thing that Mike got even more curious while drunk. “Hey, we should probably put away all the leftovers.” He said. “Rachel, you wanna give me a hand?”

Harvey furrowed his brows at his boyfriend, and Mike just shrugged. “You just, do the hosting thing. I’m awful at it anyway.” He said “I drink too much.”

Donna snickered, and sent Harvey a comforting look, as Rachel joined Mike in the kitchen.

“So, where do you guys keep the-?”

“What is up with you and Logan?” Mike asked, maybe a little too blunt. Sometimes he forgot about how weird the situation between the four of them really was.

“Is it that obvious?” Rachel asked, as she glanced over at where the others were sitting. “I told him to drop it for tonight.”

“Drop what?”

“Is it really any of your business?” Rachel asked, but there was no heat behind her words, so Mike didn’t think she was really annoyed with him. She sighed heavily as Mike found the Tupperware. Yes, they had Tupperware. Whatever. “He wants me to move in with him.”

Mike was almost disappointed, but only because he’d thought it be something more interesting. “That’s it?”

“What do you mean, that’s it?” Rachel asked. “It’s kind of a big thing. Wait, I forgot who I was talking to here.”

Mike made a grimace at her, and looked over at the others for a second and noticed that Harvey was glancing at them, but he quickly looked away once he caught Mike’s eyes. It was like being back in high school.

“He’s jealous?” Rachel asked, clearly amused. “Still?”

“More like curious.” Mike answered. He couldn’t blame Rachel for being amused, it was actually kind of cute of Harvey to low-key wonder what Mike and Rachel were up to. “Whatever, don’t change the subject. You and Logan have been dating for a while, longer than we had when we agreed to move in together. What’s the problem?”

“Things have been going great, it’s not that.” She said. “I just, it’s nice to have my own space, you know?”

Mike did know. Even though he and Harvey practically spent all their time together, he liked having his own place he could go back to when he needed to be alone. God, he missed his apartment.

“Yeah, I know.” He said. “But just talk to him about it, I’m sure he’d understand.”

Rachel nodded in agreement. “He’s right about you and Harvey though, you seem to enjoy living together.”

“It’s nice.” Mike answered. “Different than the last time.”

“Because of the sex?” Rachel asked with a huge grin, and the fact that they could even talk like that was amazing.

“Yes, mostly.” He said “It’s more the certainty of things, and in a way it’s actually comforting to know that I can’t just run off whenever things get hard. I live here, and when things are rough we have to work it out or else everything is just awkward and neither of us wants that.”

Rachel nodded in understanding, and was about to say something else when Donna joined the two of them, wine glass in hand. “What are you two gossiping about?” She asked “Your boyfriends are getting super jealous.”

“Ha, told you.” Rachel said.

“She said boyfriend _s,_ as in plural.” Mike pointed out. “Maybe he doesn’t like you talking to the guy you actually moved in with when you won’t move in with him.”

“Ooo, you told him?” Donna asked, and Mike was happy to know that the alcohol was starting to do it’s thing all around.

“Yes. Apparently I am everyone’s couples counselor tonight.”

“Not by choice.” Rachel said “You just keep butting into other people’s business.”

“True.”

“Seriously though, jealous boyfriends.” Donna warned the two of them, but Rachel and Mike just scoffed. After everything that had happened in both their relationships, they knew that trust was the most important thing.

“You go.” He told Rachel as he nodded towards the couch. “I’ll just get these in the fridge.”

“Okay, oh, and thanks for the advice.” Rachel said as she gave his hand a quick squeeze before she headed back to Logan, sitting a little closer to him than before. It made Mike smile, which was so weird, but so great at the same time.

“Hey, I really like John.” Mike said as he put a container of mashed potatoes in the fridge. “He’s a great guy.”

“Maybe you could tell that to Harvey.”

“I have.” Mike said “He’s just protective, maybe I’m the one who should be acting jealous.”

“Maybe it would get him to back up, can you fake it?” Donna asked, but then she just brushed the idea off with a wave of her hand. “Who am I kidding? You guys are practically married, there’s no way he would believe you.”

Mike laughed at that, but didn’t say anything else, so Donna just offered Mike a quick smile before she went back to the others as well. Then, Mike caught Harvey’s eyes again, but this time his boyfriend didn’t look away. Instead he just raised his eyebrows in questions, but Mike could only grin as an answer, and then blew Harvey a kiss, causing Harvey to laugh.

“Seriously, why don’t you guys just get married already?” Louis asked.

Mike only grinned wider.

 

By the time all the guests had left, Mike was absolutely exhausted. There was no way they were ever hosting anything again. Ever. He couldn't really complain though, since it had been his idea and the night had actually turned out great. Mike flopped down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling, grinning as he felt the entire room spinning, but in a good way. He was drunk enough to feel high on life, but not so drunk that he would be sick the next day. Perfect.

"Hey, are you asleep already?" Harvey asked. Mike guessed he was somewhere between the doorway and the dresser, but he didn't bother to look up and check. "You should at least take off your pants."

"Or you could take them off for me." Mike suggested, but he still didn't move an inch. He was perfectly happy where he was.

"That would be a lot sexier if you didn't look like a spaced-out teenager, right about now." Harvey answered, as he went over to sit on the edge of the bed on Mike's side. "Tonight went well, right?"

"A lot better than I thought it would." Mike said as he turned his head to look at Harvey. "You are such a traitor though, you aren't even a little bit drunk."

"I figured one of the hosts should probably stay sober, I was doing you a favor." Harvey argued as he leaned over and placed a kiss on Mike's forehead. It was nice.

"Now everyone just thinks I'm a drunk." Mike said, and he was pretty sure that he was also pouting by the look on Harvey's face. "I like your family, they are so great."

"They are your family too." Harvey said absentmindedly as he fiddled to get his tie off. Mike snickered at him as he reached out and put a hand on Harvey's hip, since it was the easiest thing he could reach.

"No." He said. "I meant Marcus and Katie."

Harvey got his tie off and threw it towards the chair in the corner. Mike grinned at the action, since Harvey was usually such a neat-freak. "So did I." he said as he climbed across Mike to get to his own side of the bed. "What's mine is yours, or whatever." he said as he laid down and joined Mike in staring at the ceiling.

"Yeah, so I've noticed." Mike answered, rolling over on his side so he could take a proper look at his boyfriend. "Hey." he said, catching Harvey's attention. "You should give John a fair chance."

Harvey caught his eye and smiled at him. "I know, he's a good guy." he said "I'm just busting Donna's balls."

"Well, be careful or else she's going to rid you of yours." Mike warned him before he leaned closer to Harvey and placed a kiss against the side of his throat. "You smell nice."

He could feel Harvey's smirk against his skin, as Harvey started to stroke a hand through Mike's hair. "What was the deal with Rachel tonight?"

Mike knew the question was coming, and he was glad it did. It was much better than Harvey just assuming the worst and being a jealous prick like he had in the beginning of their relationship.

"Why, you jealous?"

"You want to sleep in the guest bedroom?"

"Ouch."

Harvey scoffed at him, and Mike could only smile against Harvey's shoulder. "You have nothing to worry about."

"I know." Harvey answered, and it was so great knowing that it wasn't just Harvey's ego speaking. He actually knew that Mike would never do anything to hurt him, at least not on purpose. "Still."

"Apparently Logan and Rachel aren't seeing eye to eye on everything right now, and since you are terrible at bringing home the gossip from the office, I had to do some snooping myself." Mike said. "I think it'll be okay though."

"Good." Was all Harvey answered. As Mike figured, he really wasn't that interested in Rachel's personal life, as long as it had nothing to do with Mike.

"Can we just sleep like this?" Mike asked, burying his face in the crook of Harvey's neck.

"The lights are still on."

"I don't care."

"Our suits will get wrinkly."

"I really don't care."

It took a moment, and then another one, before Mike felt Harvey relax against him, and Mike knew he had already won. 


	66. Chapter 66

After Thanksgiving, things seemed to take a turn for the better. It wasn’t like they had been particularly bad before, but Mike finally seemed to be able to communicate with their friends and be social again. He still had trouble stopping by the office during the day, afraid that someone might question why he had left work if he was still in town, but once in a while, when Harvey had to work late, Mike would show up with some take-out and they would eat together. Harvey seemed to really appreciate it, and Mike was just happy to spend some extra time with his boyfriend.

Their second Christmas together was a lot more successful than their first. Not that Mike could complain about the utter devotion that Harvey had showed the previous year, but at least this time, they were able to plan something together. Marcus and Katie decided to go to Katie’s parents, so Mike and Harvey stayed in the city, just the two of them. Mike knew that Harvey secretly missed the kids, so he suggested going to Boston the next time Harvey had a weekend off. Harvey had smiled at him and thrown his arm around Mike’s shoulder, before they continued watching _Charlie Brown._

New Year’s… Well, it didn’t go exactly as planned, but then again, Harvey and Mike’s plans rarely did. Since Harvey had fulfilled his promise a year early, so Mike had gotten to see the ball drop the year before, they were supposed to go up to the cabin in The Berkshires, away from the chaos from the city. Their bags had been packed, including a very expensive bottle of champagne, and Harvey had gotten a few extra days off work.

The day before New Year’s Eve, when they were supposed to be leaving, Harvey was just wrapping up a few things in the office when he had gotten a call from the hospital. Apparently, Mike had been in an accident on his bike. Mike had fractured his ankle, a bruised rib, and a couple of scrapes here and there, but was otherwise fine and the doctor assured him that he wouldn’t need surgery. Harvey had been too busy yelling at Mike for taking his bike out, to listen.

So, because Mike was still in pain, and would probably be on medication for a while, Harvey cancelled the trip, and decided they’d stay in the city instead. Mike had complained and sworn that he was okay, but Harvey wasn’t taking it. The second they got home, he all but tucked Mike into bed, gave him his medications and ordered him to get some sleep. Mike knew that he had been worried and that was why he was so upset, but he still felt guilty about the whole thing. The next couple of days had been a blur of sleep, soup and painkillers. Mike even managed to sleep through the countdown to midnight, even though he had specifically told Harvey to wake him up for it.

“Are you going to be mad at me forever?” Mike asked as he limped towards Harvey, who was currently putting away groceries in the kitchen.

“I’m not mad, and would you please use your crutches?” Harvey asked back, as he held up a box of cocoa puffs, and smiled at Mike.

Mike couldn’t help it, and grinned stupidly at his boyfriend. “I knew I would convert you eventually.”

“I only bought them for the patient.” Harvey insisted as he put the box away in the cupboard.

“I find that strange, since there’s always less and less cereal every time I go to get some, even though I haven’t had any.” Mike said with a wink as he clumsily made his way towards the counter, so he could have something to lean on.

“For god’s sake, at least sit down.” Harvey insisted.

“I’m not even putting any weight on my foot!” Mike argued back, and before Harvey could say something back, Mike’s phone chimed in his pocket. “Oh, hold on.” He said as he got his phone out. He offered Harvey a smile before he answered it. “Hey, Katrina.”

Harvey gave him a nod, but seemed to lose interest in the conversation before it even started, as he finished unpacking all of the groceries.

“When are you coming back to the city?” Katrina asked, as Mike sat down on one of the bar stools by the counter.

“We never left. Don’t ask.” Mike answered.

“I’m asking.”

“Go on.” Harvey said, even though he couldn’t hear what Katrina was saying, he could probably guess what they were talking about. “Tell her what an idiot you were.”

“You _are_ mad.” Mike huffed, before he turned his attention back to the phone call. “I might have fractured my ankle, no big deal, but-“

“Shiiiet, you okay?”

Mike smirked. “Shiiieit, I didn’t know you cared.”

“I don’t.” Katrina answered, but Mike knew it was a lie. “So you on all kinds of fun painkillers then? When can you start drinking again?”

Mike frowned. “Why?”

“My new year’s sucked, sounds like yours did too, we might as well make up for it.” Katrina said. “Rachel is coming out with us next weekend, I think she’s asking Donna to come along too, you wanna join us?”

Somehow that had ended with a repeat of Saint Patrick’s day. A lot of people who no one would think could be friends, were happily drunk together. Rachel had brought Logan, and Donna had brought John, since Mike had insisted on bringing Harvey. Then Katrina showed up with Harold, who looked happy as a clam. The only real difference from Saint Patrick’s day, except for the lack of green everywhere, was that Louis had showed up with no other than Sheila Sasz. So, at least one of them had a great holiday.

Mike hadn’t had that much to drink, since he was still on his painkillers. He had thought he had been responsible. Turns out, you really didn’t need more than one beer to get tipsy while you were on strong medications. Mike had five.

“You are literally making zero sense right now.” Donna said on a laugh as Mike was blabbering on about an article he’d read on black holes.

“I am dying.” Mike said, completely ignoring Donna’s comment. “Harvey!”

“What?” Harvey asked, as he stopped dead in his tracks in front of Mike, swaying slightly on his feet.

“What?” Louis, who had been walking next to Harvey, asked as well. It had finally happened, everyone was as drunk as Mike.

“Are we home soon?”

“No, dickhead.” Katrina answered from where she was heavily leaning on Donna, but at the same time, swaying towards Rachel. Logan had gone off somewhere to buy some hot dogs or something. “You wanted to go for a walk in the park, so here we are, walking.”

“I’m literally dying.” Mike said. “I can’t even walk, this was a stupid idea.”

“No shit.” Louis answered.

“Don’t complain.” Mike said stubbornly, as he pointed a finger at Louis. “You could have gone home with Logan and- John, and Rachel, and your new-, but old girlfriend-ex fiancé, something.”

“Mike, Logan and I are still here.” Rachel said on a laugh, and Mike all but yelped as he heard the sound of her voice. Jesus, those painkillers had been a bad idea, or maybe the beer, one or the other.

“ _You’re_ complaining, and it was your idea.”

“I can’t _walk,_ Litt.” Mike argued. “You should show some compassion, stupid crutches-“ He said and then dropped them on the ground. He stood there for a second with everyone watching him before he realized that he couldn’t really continue on without them, but he wasn’t able to pick them up either. “Shit.”

“How are you going to survive for the next five weeks?” Harvey asked, rolling his eyes as he went to pick up the crutches. Just as he did so, Logan returned with some food, and even the big man himself seemed to have trouble balancing the hot dogs while making his way towards the group. Katrina got so excited at the sight of food that she dropped the hold she had on Donna and fell flat on her face.

It took about three seconds before everyone realized that she was okay and then all of them, including Louis started laughing.

“Oh my god.” Rachel said as she tried to help Katrina back on her feet, but she also ended up in the snow. “Logan!”

“What?” He asked, still holding the food, not really sure what to do.

“Okay!” Donna said, as she was able to help the girls back on their feet, with a little help from Louis. “Who’s hungry?”

They found a dry bench so Katrina and Mike could sit down, and then they devoured their food. Mike had a feeling he would still fit in at college.

“Okay, this has been fun at all, but I think we should get a cab and head home.” Donna said with a smile on her face. “Oh and FYI, food you eat while drunk, doesn’t affect your diet, it’s a scientific fact.”

“Probably a good idea.” Rachel agreed, as she rested her head on Logan’s shoulder. “We should just cut through here.” She said and pointed towards the road.

“You okay, Mike?” Logan asked, as he and Rachel helped Katrina to her feet.

“Yeah.” Mike said with a content sigh.

“You guys go ahead; I’ll help limpy over here.” Harvey insisted.

“You sure?” Logan asked, and Harvey nodded as he took Katrina’s spot next to Mike.

Mike was pretty sure he was about to fall asleep because one second he was surrounded by their friends, and the next, Harvey was the only one left.

“They must think I’m a drunk.” Mike said “Especially Logan. Has he ever seen me sober?”

“Well, there was that time when he beat the shit out of you?”

“Hey!” Mike objected, “I beat the shit out of him, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” Harvey answered. “And the fact that you could even walk across half the park, with crutches, without falling flat on your face, is a miracle and you should be _proud._ You may be a drunk, but you’re a devoted one.”

It made no sense, but Mike started laughing anyway. He loved drunk Harvey. He should tell him.

“I love drunk you.” Mike blurted out. “I love any you. You have great hair.”

“Yours is getting too long.” Harvey answered as he reached out and ran his fingers through Mike’s hair. “You need a haircut.”

“You’re supposed to say you love me.”

“Does it count when you ask me to?” Harvey asked, still too focused on Mike’s hair to be paying any attention.

“I’m not asking, I’m telling.” Mike answered. “You know I’m in constant need of validation.”

Instead of saying anything, Harvey leaned in and kissed Mike chastely on the lips. Mike sighed into the kiss before he leaned back slightly and rested his forehead against Harvey’s.

“You taste like scotch and mustard.” Mike commented. “I love that too.”

Harvey smiled and kissed the bridge of his nose. “What do you say we get going, huh? It’s getting cold and your leg is probably bothering you.”

“You have so many great ideas.” He answered as Harvey got up, before he helped Mike to his feet as well. Mike leaned heavily against Harvey, and if he wasn’t so drunk, he might have noticed how Harvey held on a little tighter than necessary.

“Okay, let’s do this.” Harvey said on a laugh, as he turned around and bent down slightly.

“Really?” Mike asked with a huge grin on his face.

“Just jump on, rookie.”

“You’re drunk, you’ll drop me.” Mike said, but he didn’t take his own advice, and with a lot of fumbling, he was able to half jump-half climb onto Harvey’s back. And when Harvey almost did drop him while he tried to retrieve Mike’s crutches, all he could do was laugh uncontrollably.

It took a while for them to get home, and the concierge gave them an amused, but fond look as Harvey tried to carry Mike to the elevator. They should have sobered up a bit by then, but clearly the amount of alcohol they had consumed, was more than what they normally wound have drank.

“Are you going to puke?” Harvey asked as he put Mike down to fish his keys out of the pocket of his jacket.

“No.” Mike answered, but he wasn’t so sure he would be able to keep that promise. He leaned heavily against the wall, holding his crutches to his side, not bothering to actually use them. “Are you?”

“Possibly.” Harvey replied with a smirk, as he got the door open and helped Mike inside. “Can you get yourself over to the couch?”

“Possibly.” Mike answered with a grin, but he was able to do so quite gracefully, but that was probably just his own drunken opinion. “Could you get me-“ he wasn’t able to finish his question before a bottle of water popped up next to his face. “Thank you.”

Harvey hummed his response as he flopped down on the couch next to Mike, taking Mike’s injured foot and carefully propping it up on a pillow in his lap.

“You looove me.” Mike said with a foolish grin on his face. “No one can stay mad at me. I’m adorable.”

“You’re annoying.” Harvey answered, but there was no actual heat behind his words. “You know that you’re not getting any more pain meds before going to bed right?”

Mike pouted, honest to god, pouted. Harvey sighed, but didn’t say anything.

“If you don’t have a headache tomorrow, I’m going to be pissed.”

“Mike, you are the worst person in the world when it comes to holding your liquor.” Harvey answered. “I mean, except for Katrina.”

“I love drunk Katrina.” Mike said “Harold’s pretty shitty at it too.”

“True, and he had less than you did.”

“Score!”

“Yes, you should be very proud.” Harvey said, as if he hadn’t been crossed-eyed and slurring himself, no more than an hour ago.

“At least I got everyone to sign my cast.” Mike said as he looked over at the foot that was currently draped across Harvey’s lap. “I always wanted that, when I was a kid.”

“To break your ankle?”

“No, asshole.” Mike said. “It looks cool.”

“Very.”

“You’re just jealous.” Mike said, and Harvey actually smiled at him. Mike was right, he was too adorable for anyone to stay mad at.

“Hey, babe?”

“Yeah?” Harvey answered, his voice was sleepy and Mike noticed that his eyes were drifting shut every once in a while.

“I think I might be sick after all.”

So the make-up for the tragic New Year’s eve-eve turned out pretty good, all things considering. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later that Mike could really feel things change around him, it had happened quite gradually at first, which was probably while it took so long for him to notice. First of all, Harvey was very…. There. He helped Mike when he needed to take a shower, even though Mike managed just fine on his own, he rarely worked late, and when he did, he always found some way to make it up to Mike later. Harvey called Mike during the day, even when he was really busy, just to check up on him, and he even cancelled some sort of celebratory dinner with Jessica just to spend the night in with Mike and marathon the Karate Kid movies, even though Mike knew that Harvey only liked the first one.

He was also very hands-on. Not that Mike would ever complain about that. Whenever Harvey was helping Mike into the shower, he had a tendency of slipping in himself, carefully rinsing the soap off Mike’s back, and kissing the side of his neck tenderly. Mike, of course, usually got impatient, and they would end up tangled on the bed, still wet, and the sheets sticking to their bodies. Mike rarely felt any pain in his ribs or ankle anymore, he was just annoyed by the cast, but Harvey still took extra time to make sure he was comfortable every time they had sex. Which was a lot, even for them.

Donna also started changing slightly, all though she was more subtle about it. She would check up on him more often, and encourage him to do something fun with Harvey. Which was strange, seeing as Harvey told Donna pretty much everything and knew that they were together all the time. She also stopped by more often during work-hours, complaining about eating lunch alone because everyone else were too busy prepping for trials or having business meetings with clients. Mike saw right through it, of course.

It took him too long to figure it out. He was leaving soon. Maybe. Well, not soon, it was only January, but it felt soon. Too soon.

He had sent in all his applications over a month ago, and Harvey hadn’t really reacted bad in any way. In fact, he had taken Mike out to dinner to celebrate that he was finally done with all the boring paperwork.

Since Harvey wasn’t talking about it, Mike really should be the one to push him into it. He knew that the only other option was the whole thing blowing up in their faces, like they used to do when they first started dating. The thing was though, that Mike didn’t want to talk about it either. He didn’t know what to say, that they hadn’t already said when Mike had decided he wanted to start over. Also, even though it was probably selfish, Mike enjoyed having Harvey around so much. Especially when he did that thing with his tongue that Mike had taught him once upon a time.

“Shit, Harvey.” Mike all but moaned as Harvey kissed his way from Mike’s cheek down to his collarbone. “I thought we were watching this.”

Truth be told, he could not care less about _Game of thrones_ at the moment.

“You were the one insisting we needed to see every damn episode again, before the new season starts, even though we both know that you haven’t forgotten a single moment.” Harvey said, his lips still too close to Mike’s neck, which sent shivers down his spine. Damn that man.

“Yeah, okay.” Mike couldn’t do anything but agree as Harvey’s hand ghosted over his thigh, towards his crotch. “Don’t you have rule about fooling around on the couch?”

And why the hell did he even mention that? Mike couldn’t care two fucks about the couch.

“Rules are meant to be broken.” Harvey said, before putting his hand on Mike’s cheek, forcing Mike to turn and look at him. “You should know.”

Mike’s breath actually hitched. It had been over a year, and Harvey could still smile at Mike with that look in his eyes and take Mike’s breath away.

“Yeah, well…” Mike said before he had to swallow heavily. “You’re an actual attorney, you should know better.”

“You’re telling me to stop?”

“Hell no.” Mike said as he closed the small gap between them and devoured Harvey’s lips. Mike could already tell that this was not one of those times were they would take it slow, with gentle kisses and exploratory tongues. They both wanted the same thing, so why not get to it? Mike moaned into the kiss, releasing some kind of push-pull dynamic between them. Harvey’s tongue slipped it’s way inside Mike’s mouth, as Mike pulled down the zipper of Harvey’s hoodie.

“Too slow.” Harvey still complained, as he got his hoodie off, before pulling his t-shirt over his head. Mike reached out to run his hands across Harvey’s chest, but he only got to look for a moment before Harvey’s lips were on his again. Mike still had his shirt on, but Harvey’s kiss still sent shivers down his arms, giving him goosebumps. Mike was pretty sure that it wasn’t normal, to want someone so much, all the time.

“Har _vey.”_ Mike let out on a sigh, before Harvey had the decency to pull away again, so Mike could discard of his own shirt. Suddenly Mike felt himself on his back on the couch, with Harvey’s lips making a trail from his mouth, down the side of his neck, and over his chest. “Shit.”

“Gorgeous.” Harvey murmurs in between kisses, and Mike wasn’t even sure if Harvey was aware of the fact that he had said it out loud.

“You’re the one to talk.” Mike managed to say, before Harvey’s hands were pulling down the zipper of his pants.

Harvey just looked up at him with the biggest grin on his face before he _slowly_ ran his tongue from Mike’s bellybutton down to the waistband of his pants. “Hang on, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll just be here, dying.” Mike said as Harvey took his time getting Mike’s pants, struggling to get it over his cast. Mike had gotten used to it by now, and he just wanted Harvey to rip the whole thing off, to use scissors if he had to. While he was at it, Harvey shimmied out of his own pants before getting back in position. “I love you.” He whispered, almost like he didn’t want Mike to hear it, but he was looking straight into Mike’s eyes as he said it.

“You too.” Mike said.

Then Harvey took him into his mouth, and Mike could have sworn he would have given up everything all over again just to have one more moment like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love writing drunk people.. I'm so sorry (not really). So yes, angst. And fluff. And love. Some time-jumps and shit. We all know where this is heading.


	67. 67

«We should talk.»

Like hell they should, what did they need to talk about anyway? No, Harvey didn’t want to, but he couldn’t exactly be _that guy_ again.

“Why?” he asked, feeling his entire body tense up, but he tried his best to hide it, which wasn’t easy with Mike draped across him.

It was cold outside, and Harvey had somehow convinced Mike that they should stay inside instead of going out to dinner like they had planned. It was already dark out, and the only light inside of their bedroom was from Harvey’s alarm clock on his side of the bed.

“Come on, Harvey.” Mike said, and Harvey already hated the tone of his voice. He wasn’t mad, or even annoyed, he actually seemed pretty calm and collected. The only problem was that Harvey was neither. He was tense, and on edge, and they had just had mind-blowing sex and he really couldn’t see to have one of _those_ conversations now.

“Fine, let’s talk.” Harvey said, and he hated his own voice as the words slipped out. At times it seemed like all his time in therapy had been completely wasted. He could almost feel Dr. Agard’s disappointment.

Mike just sighed and rolled off Harvey’s chest. “Never mind.”

“You wanted to talk, let’s talk.” Harvey said.

Mike’s head turned sharply to look Harvey in the eye. Okay, now Mike was mad, or annoyed, or both. “Are you listening to yourself?” He asked. “Would you want to talk to you, right now?”

Harvey almost snapped. Almost. Then he realized that Mike was right, and that his boyfriend was trying really hard to avoid an argument, while Harvey was almost seeking one out. He swallowed, took a deep breath and nodded. “Sorry.” He murmured, as if he didn’t even want to say the words. Apologizing wasn’t something he was very used to, but something he’d definitely done a lot more after his relationship with Mike started. It was both a good and a bad thing, he guessed.

“Yeah.” Mike answered. “It’s fine, are you hungry?” he asked, but he didn’t even wait for an answer before he got out of bed, put on a pair of sweatpants and headed towards the kitchen. Harvey groaned and threaded a hand through his hair. Damn. He waited a moment, then another one, just to make sure he wouldn’t do something he’d regret, and then he followed after his boyfriend.

Mike was sitting cross-legged on the couch, a blanket half-way tossed across his lap and a bowl of cereal in hand. Sometimes, he looked so young, so vulnerable, and Harvey remembered how Mike told him that he never felt like an orphan until his grandmother died.

“Hey.” He said as he went over to where Mike was sitting. “How’s your leg?”

“All healed.” Mike answered, concentrating more about his cereal than Harvey. “But you already knew that.”

Of course, Harvey knew that, he’d even gone with Mike when he’d taken his cast off. Mike had walked like he’d had a wooden leg the rest of the day, and Harvey had made dirty jokes about it. Harvey sighed.

“I didn’t mean to be an asshole.” Harvey said.

“Don’t you think we should be past this now?” Mike asked, finally looking up at Harvey, who was leaning against the armrest of the couch. “It’s ridiculous.”

“I know.” Harvey said, because even though it was in his very bones to argue and prove that he was right, he had to admit that Mike had him on this one.

“We promised that we would stop pushing each other away and talk about the things that were bothering us.” Mike said, and Harvey actually felt his body tense up again, because okay, he got it. “Then you can’t act so cold towards me for trying to strike a conversation, especially after….” But Mike stopped then, and hurried back to his bowl of cocoa puffs.

“After what?” Harvey asked, curiosity striking.

“Never mind, you know what I mean.”

“Is the pot calling the kettle black right now?” Harvey asked, and he knew that he was in no position to say something like that, but he was Harvey Specter after all.

Mike sighed, and his eyes once again met Harvey’s. “After sex, okay?” he said, throwing the blanket off himself before he stomped over to the kitchen to rinse his bowl out. Harvey just furrowed his brows for a moment.

“What?” he asked, confused, as he followed after Mike.

“I said, never mind.” Mike said, angrily showing the bowl into the dishwasher. “I’m not really in the mood for you to call me a teenage girl or whatever.”

Harvey had to hold back another comment, and he was starting to wonder how often he actually just said whatever popped into his head without any filter. “Seeing as I’ve already seemed to piss you off, and I’d like to keep my balls, I’ll keep my comments to myself.” Harvey said, and he could swear there was a small smile behind Mike’s sigh. “Come on, tell me what you mean.”

“Okay, fine.” Mike said as he went over to where Harvey was standing, and put his hand on the counter, leaning over it. “I’ll do the talking then.”

Ouch.

“Lately, I mean, for the last _month_ things have been awesome.” He said. “No fighting, we’ve spent a lot of time together, which I’ve appreciated, and you were great with me when my foot was fucked up.” He said before sighing. “But we haven’t been talking, which is just as much my fault as it is yours, because it was nice to kind of live in that honeymoon stage for a while.”

“Okay.” Harvey said, encouraging Mike to go on, because his boyfriend had never been very good at getting straight to the point.

“And there’s been a lot of sex, like awesome sex.” Mike said, and Harvey couldn’t help but smirk. Then Mike’s expression changed and he suddenly seemed less angry, and rather more unsure of himself. “But that’s been that, and all though it’s been amazing sex, it kind of makes me feel like shit when you act like a complete dick the second I try to talk to you again.”

Harvey never in a million years would have thought Mike would worry about something like that, because by some miracle, he immediately understood what Mike was talking about and how he was feeling. At least they had grown some as a couple, even though there always seemed to be some kind of setback.

A relationship should be about communication, not just sex, and lately they had seemed to dismiss one thing entirely for the sake of the other. Then Mike had tried to be the mature one and once again try to regain their communication to make sure they were okay, and Harvey had treated him like crap. Mike felt cheap, and it was Harvey’s fault. It wasn’t something Harvey had ever even thought about worrying about when it came to Mike, but that was probably a mistake on his part as well.

“Look, I don’t mean to be an ass about it and blow it out of proportion.” Mike said, when Harvey didn’t answer, but instead looked at Mike like a wounded puppy. He quickly pulled himself together.

“No, I-“ He said, and then stopped to try to choose his words more carefully. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like shit.”

Wow, Specter. Pure poetry.

“I know.” Mike said. “And I know that you have trouble opening up or whatever, but it always turns out better when you do than when you don’t right?” he asked. “Besides, I shouldn’t have just gone along with it for so long… It’s just, the sex was _so good._ ”

Harvey actually smiled then. “Yeah.” He said “On both accounts.”

“So?” Mike said.

Harvey shrugged as a response, because he didn’t want to think about it, he was more than happy living in denial and pretending everything would just turn out okay. It was an unusual feeling for him, seeing as he was used to _making sure_ that everything went his way. This time, he couldn’t, and it was really messing with Harvey’s head.

“Can’t we have this discussion after you get your acceptance letters?” He asked. There it was, out in the open, while Harvey had been acting so funny lately.

Mike sighed, but offered Harvey a smile anyway. “I might not get into anywhere, you know. My applications weren’t exactly mind-blowing.” He said. “What I did in high school doesn’t really matter when it looks like I haven’t done shit for so long.”

It was Harvey’s turn to sigh then. He remembered one night while Mike was working on the application, and Harvey had noticed Mike just sitting there, staring at his computer. When Harvey had asked what was wrong, Mike had just pointed at the screen before telling Harvey that he felt like a complete failure.

Harvey knew that Mike wasn’t a failure, and Mike should know that as well. Not anyone could pull off becoming a partner at a top law firm without ever going to law school, or even finishing college for that matter. Most people couldn’t even get that far, as fast as Mike had, _with_ a degree. Still, Harvey had seen where Mike was coming from. It was like he had to erase his biggest accomplishments from his life, and was left with nothing more than a blank page.

“Hey, I’m sure it will be okay.” Harvey said as he went over and placed a kiss on Mike’s cheek. “No matter what happens, we’ll figure something out.”

“I know.” Mike answered, and he did sound like he actually believed it. They were both thinking the same thing though, would that mean that they would be able to stay together or not? “But I don’t want you to feel like… You’ve wasted so much time on me.”

“What the hell are you on about?” Harvey asked then, his brows once again furrowing in confusion and annoyance.

“I want to believe that we can make it, no matter what happens, if I move away and you stay, or whatever.” Mike said, and sometimes Harvey wondered how the kid could be so bright, but so lousy with words at the same time. “But if we don’t, I don’t want you to feel like you wasted so much time trying to make it work when it didn’t.”

“I’ve told you, I don’t do regret.”

“I’m just saying, you’re not exactly getting any younger.” Mike said, and it brightened the mood some, but Harvey could still feel the tension all the way through his bones.

“Shut up.” He said. “You’re not that much younger than me.”

“You know what I mean.” Mike said and looked down at his feet again, which was currently rather difficult seeing as they were still wrapped up in each other’s arms.

“Hey, I know I don’t say stuff like this often enough.” Harvey said, and Mike looked up at him with those big puppy eyes, and Harvey felt that familiar knot in his stomach. The one that was both amazing and terrifying at the same time. “But I wouldn’t trade being with you for anything.”

“Really?” Mike asked. “Even with all the shitstorms?”

“Especially with all the shitstorms.” Harvey said with a smile. It probably wasn’t healthy, but then again, none of Harvey’s previous relationships had been either. The difference was that this time he was so madly, and unconditionally in love, that he was willing to risk anything just for them to be together one more day. He knew that wasn’t healthy either.

“You got it bad, Reginald.” Mike teased, and Harvey couldn’t even be mad about Mike calling him by his middle name.

“Shut up.” He said fondly as he reached in to give Mike another kiss. “Let’s order some pizza.”

“I just ate.”

“Yeah, and you’re still hungry.” Harvey said, as if it was completely obvious. He knew his boyfriend well enough to know that cocoa puffs just wouldn’t cut it. “We’re ordering pizza.”

Mike grinned up at him and kissed him softly on the lips. “Thanks for sticking around, Specter.”

Harvey couldn’t exactly say “you too”.

 

“And how is Mike doing?” Dr. Agard asked, after Harvey had caught her up on everything he had been doing lately. He didn’t need her sessions quite as often anymore, but he still saw her once or twice a month. It was actually a reassurance, even though he would never admit that. Plus, he knew that the issues he’d had in the past was something he still needed to work on.

“Why?” He asked, completely avoiding the question.

“After he got injured I mean.” She answered, still as patient as ever. “He doesn’t need any physical therapy or anything?”

Harvey shrugged. “He’s good.”

“You barely mentioned him.” She said. “You talked about Donna, Jessica, even Louis, but Mike’s name barely came up.”

Well, maybe there was a reason for that and she could just stop asking. Harvey wasn’t going to say that though. He’d been to therapy long enough to know that there was no point in trying to keep stuff on the inside any more. Still, with everything Dr. Agard knew about his abandonment issues and whatnot, he really didn’t feel the need to get into everything with Mike. It was difficult enough to process at it was.

“He’s good.” Harvey repeated.

“He’s still planning on moving away?” She asked, because Harvey actually had mentioned it once, when Mike had first brought it up, but he hadn’t wanted to elaborate on the issue any further and Dr. Agard hadn’t pushed. Until now.

“Yep.”

“Where?”

“He hasn’t decided yet.” Harvey replied, already feeling his muscles tense up. There was something about Dr. Agard that just got under his skin from time to time, but maybe that was a good thing, maybe that was why he was able to open up to her. Or at least, blow up at her.

“Any particular reason why he wants to leave the city?”

“He wants a fresh start.” Harvey said. “Maybe you should ask him all these questions, oh wait, that’s right, I’m your client, so how about we stick to talking about me?”

“I had the impression that Mike was quite a big part of your life.” Agard answered as she leaned forward in her chair, resting her elbows on her knees. “If he’s moving away, I would say that’s something you’d probably like to talk about.”

“Well, you thought wrong.”

“You’d rather not think about it all, then?” She asked, and once again, she had gotten him to say exactly what he was thinking, without actually saying anything. Sometimes Harvey thought she would be a great asset to the firm, but he would never tell her that.

It took a while before he answered, as he decided to just glare at her at first. “Not really.” He answered with gritted teeth.

She offered him a comforting smile. “Mike told you when we were here that he wouldn’t leave you, and now-“

“Now nothing.” Harvey said, he wasn’t going to let her accuse Mike of something when she had no idea what the story between them was. “He’s not leaving me, he’s just going to live someplace else.”

“You’re right, Harvey.” Agard said, and Harvey expected her to say something else, but instead she just sat there as if she was waiting for Harvey to understand what he had just said.

“I don’t want him to go.” Harvey finally admitted.

“And you feel like you can’t go with him?” She asked, and Harvey nodded. “I get it, Harvey. I think this might be just as hard for Mike as it is to you. I’m sure he doesn’t want to leave either.”

Harvey knew that it was true, of course. Mike loved the city, he had loved his job, and his friends. He loved Harvey.

“I know.” Harvey said. “But he’s not happy here anymore.”

“And you want him to be happy, right?”

“Of course.” Harvey said. “I just….”

“Wished he could be happy here, with you?” Damn that woman knew everything. She could give Donna a real run for her money.

“Yeah.”

“Harvey, sometimes when we lose people we care about, and it affects us in a great way, it becomes more difficult to separate that fear from reality later on in life.” She said, and Harvey knew that she was referring to his mother again. “But you’ve come a long way, you just admitted that you don’t feel like Mike is leaving _you_.”

“We want it to work.”

“There’s no reason why it shouldn’t.” She said. “From what I can tell, the two of you have been through a lot together. I’m not saying that distance will necessarily make your relationship any easier, but you do seem ready to put in the work that is needed.” She said. “I’m sure Mike feels the same way.”

“I don’t like not having a plan.” He said “I don’t know where or when he’s leaving or how long he’ll be gone for. Everything is just so uncertain and it feels like shit.”

“Maybe you should tell him that.”

“I try.” Harvey said, even though he knew that he should have tried harder. It was just so exhausting most of the time. Mike made him so happy, but their relationship took so much work all the time, it felt like they never got a breather from the next disaster just waiting to happen. “Is it supposed to be this hard?”

“Relationships take work.” She answered with a shrug. “But it’s up to you to find out if it’s really worth it.”

The problem was that just seeing Mike genuinely smile and be happy, still questioned Harvey’s entire existence. He loved him so much, that it was desperate from time to time. Being with him didn’t make any sense, but not being with him was unthinkable. If Agard really knew everything, how co-dependent they were of each other, she would have seen how unhealthy their relationship was. Harvey already knew it, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

He called Donna after the meeting, telling her to reschedule all of the meetings he had that day. Mike was at home when he’d gotten to the apartment and was surprised to see him. Harvey couldn’t blame him, he rarely went home during the day unless something important came up.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Mike asked, as Harvey went over to the dining room table where Mike was sitting.

“You were right.” He said. “About a lot of things.”

“What do you mean?” Mike asked as he turned around slightly in his chair so he could sit opposite of Harvey. “Did Doctor Agard say something?”

“I don’t know if we’ll make it.” He said “I have no idea what’s going to happen and to be honest, it freaks me the fuck out.”

Mike just sat there, staring at him, as if Harvey was trying to break up with him but couldn’t quite find the words for it. Harvey thought it was completely ridiculous for Mike to even think such a thing.

“But right now, you’re here.” He said “And I’m here, and we’re together and that’s all that matters for now.”

“Harvey, that’s very-“

“Let me finish.” Harvey said. “And if…. _When_ you leave. I’ll help you pack all of your shit _again,_ and I’ll see you off and it will completely suck, but if anyone can make it work, it’s gotta be us right?” he said. “I know I love you too much and that this thing we have isn’t healthy, fuck, it’s never been healthy, but it’s what it is, and I don’t want you think that I resent you for having to leave, or that I don’t think we can make it, because-“

Mike shut him up with his mouth, and Harvey just breathed him in, not knowing what else to do. Then Mike’s hand was on his cheek, and Mike was smiling at him with that beautiful smile that left Harvey speechless.

Mike just looked at him for the longest time, before Harvey spoke again. “We’ll skype, and I’ll come visit, and it’ll be good.”

“What if it’s not enough?” Mike asked, and in that moment Harvey realized that maybe he wasn’t the only one with abandonment issues. “You know I can’t lose you.”

“I know.” He said, because he never wanted to be that person that could break Mike’s heart again, because truth be told. Mike was the most resilient person he’d ever met, but he wasn’t sure how much more that heart of his could take. “If we can’t make it work, I’ll still be here. I promised you that, remember?”

“Like you promised you wouldn’t fall in love with me?” Mike asked, teasingly, which made Harvey smile again.

“Well, that was an impossible promise to keep.”

It took a while before Mike responded. “And this one isn’t?”

Harvey rested his forehead against Mike. “No, not at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god. It's so sappy. Haha, but you know me. Some things are too good to be true. Or are they? Hmm!


	68. Chapter 68

By the time February came around, Mike was getting so restless, and Harvey couldn’t help but notice. He would bake, cook, and clean on a regular basis. Harvey had even called him a “proper old housewife” more than once. Mike didn’t really mind all that much, as he had gotten used to the feeling of waking up every morning, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to get up, go to work, and do what he loved. Still, it sucked not having anything to occupy all his spare time with. Mike couldn’t believe that he used to just deliver a few things around town, before going home and smoking weed, or eating pizza with Jenny and Trevor, and he’d been perfectly contempt with that.

Now, he just wanted more.

“Valentine’s is on a Sunday this year, you know.” Mike said casually, as he stroked his fingertips up and down Harvey’s naked back.

“I know.” Harvey answered, his words slightly muffled as his head was still buried in the soft pillows.

They probably should get up soon or Harvey was going to be late for work. Still, neither of them moved.

“You want to do something?” Mike asked. “I mean, since last year didn’t turn out the way we had planned, you don’t feel sick, do you?”

Harvey didn’t even bother to answer him, instead he turned over onto his back and stretched his muscles. “What did you have in mind?”

Mike just shrugged. He hadn’t really thought about it, he was just so _bored_.

“Okay, name one thing you’ve always wanted to do, but never got the chance to.”

“Go to Harvard.”

“Not funny.”

Mike smirked at him anyway, and Harvey’s annoyance seem to disappear at once. Mike shrugged again then, before biting the inside of his cheek and grinning stupidly at Harvey. “Could it be something dirty?” He asked “I am thinking you in a little French maid outfit, and I could be-“

“You know what, forget I said anything.” Harvey said as he brushed him off before sitting up and tossing his legs over the side of the bed, once again revealing those gorgeous back-muscles that Mike loved so much.

“Sorry.” Mike said, even though he didn’t really mean it. Before Harvey had a chance to get up and get dressed, Mike crawled over to his side of the bed and wrapped his legs around Harvey’s waist, and pulled him flush against his own chest. Mike leaned in and kissed Harvey’s jaw, smiling when he felt the other man shudder slightly. “Anything I can do to make it up to you?” he whispered.

“I can’t be late again.” Harvey protested as he turned his head slightly, as if he was trying to look into Mike’s eyes. Mike, of course, made it difficult for him and instead rested his head on Harvey’s shoulder, holding him even closer. “Why don’t you find something to do? Join a softball league or whatever.”

Mike chuckled then. “I suck at softball.”

“Whatever.” Harvey answered. “Find yourself a hobby, do some charity work, join a gym.”

“Are you saying I’m getting fat?”

“Yes, I was just trying to be polite about it.” Harvey said as he was able to wrestle himself out of Mike’s arm before going over to pick out his suit for the day.

Mike was left pouting in the middle of their bed. “Maybe I should join the theatre, I could bond more with Louis.”

“And live out your lifelong dream of wearing tights and a wig.” Harvey pointed out, as he pulled on his pants.

“I could totally pull off tights.” Mike said, as he stretched on the bed. Harvey turned around and smiled at him, making Mike grin. “I used to play the piano.”

“What, really?” Harvey asked.

“Yeah, but I was too punk rock for it back then.” Mike said as he cringed, and god, he wished that he was kidding. He was never going to forget that _hair_ he had back then.

Harvey snorted. “Were you any good?”

Mike shrugged. “I guess. Gammy loved listening to me play.” He said. “I bought a guitar after I moved in with Trevor too.” He continued. “But I was usually high when playing it and improvised a lot, so I probably sucked at it.”

Harvey buttoned up his shirt before making his way back towards the bed. That swing in his hips should be illegal. “Well, aren’t you the little creative genius?” he asked. “Why am I not surprised?” He continued before leaning forward and kissing Mike softly.

“Because I am a genius. Period.”

“That you are.” Harvey agreed. “So, Sunday?” he asked, and then his expression changed slightly, and Mike’s brows furrowed as he tried to read his boyfriend’s mind. “Maybe, I mean… Do you want to check out some campuses?”

Mike swallowed heavily, slightly irritated that Harvey was fixing his tie in the mirror instead of looking Mike in the eye. “What?”

“We could make a weekend out of it.” Harvey suggested, still pretending to be working on his tie even though it probably looked perfect. “Might make your decision easier later on.”

Mike didn’t even know what to say, because he knew that Harvey was trying his best to be supportive, but at the same time, he could tell that Harvey was very uncomfortable about the whole thing. Mike couldn’t really blame him, because even though he had been longing for a second chance, he still didn’t have a solid plan as to what to do, and New York was safe and everyone he loved was there.

“That’s really nice of you, but I’d rather stay here if you don’t mind.” Mike said. “We could go see a cheesy movie or something.”

Then Harvey finally turned around and nodded once at Mike, as if he was finishing a business meeting or something. “Yeah, okay.” He said “Whatever you want.”

Mike couldn’t tell if he was relieved or not. To be honest, Mike would have loved to get out of the city for a little while, but at the same time, Harvey having the entire weekend off was enough for him.

“Babe.” Mike said hurryingly, and Harvey stopped in the doorway of their bedroom.

“Yeah?” he asked, turning around again.

“I just..” Mike said, but to be honest, he had no idea what he was going to say, he just felt like something was left unsaid and he didn’t want Harvey to leave for work without them talking about it. “I love you.” He said then, before getting a grip on himself and shaking that bad feeling away. “Have a nice day.”

“Thanks.” Harvey said, looking at him a bit suspicious before adding: “You too.”

That would have to do.

 

The weekend came around and no one was throwing up or dying of a sore throat, which should mean that their Valentine’s day would be at least _slightly_ better than the last one. They hadn’t planned anything, probably because Mike had said it wasn’t a big deal, so he was fairly surprised when Harvey suddenly threw a bag on the bed on Saturday and told Mike to pack.

“Where are we going?” Mike asked as he tried desperately to find out what he should pack.

“Surprise.”

“Is it far?”

“No, will you just-“ Harvey said as he all but pushed Mike away from their shared dresser and started pulling things out, packing for both of them.

“Okay then.” Mike said, small smile of amusement on his lips.

Apparently, one of Harvey’s poker buddies had a house in the Hamptons, which he only used in the summer. Enter Harvey Reginald Specter and his awesome gestures to woo his boyfriend.

“This place is awesome.” Mike said with a huge grin after he finished exploring the house. “Very Kourtney.”

“What?” Harvey asked.

“The Kardashians take the Hamptons.” Mike said, as if that explained everything.

“I am begging you to stop watching reality TV.” Harvey said with an obvious eye roll, as he put their bags on the bed in the master bedroom. Mike pulled back the curtains and clasped his hands happily together.

“We are literally right by the water.” He said happily. “I should have jumped your bones the day we met.”

“I would have punched you in the eye.” Harvey murmured before joining Mike by the window, sliding his arms around Mike’s waist, his breath heavy against the side of Mike’s neck.

“Such a romantic.”

“I just brought you to the Hamptons for Valentine’s.” Harvey argued, but his voice was mellow, and Mike could feel him relax against his back.

“I know.” Mike said. “Thank you.”

Harvey hummed as he brought a hand up to the neck of Mike’s t-shirt, exposing his collarbone, before planting a kiss there. Mike smirked and leaned his head back to give Harvey better access.

“Hey.” Harvey said, as he turned Mike around in his arms. “I knew you wanted to get out of the city, you could have just said so.”

“I really just wanted to be with you.” Mike answered honestly. “But this is great, thank you.”

“Hmm.” Harvey answered as he leaned in and pressed their lips together. Mike hummed happily against Harvey’s lips as he put his arms around Harvey’s neck, bringing them even closer together.

Harvey shifted his mouth to Mike’s jaw, kissing across it. If Mike started giggling, he would definitely deny it later. Mike put his thigh between Harvey’s legs and grinned in triumph when Harvey let out a low moan.

It was incredible seeing Harvey starting to unravel like that. Mike pressed into Harvey, rocking their hips together. “I need a shower.” Mike said then as he slid away from Harvey’s grasp.

Harvey dragged a hand through his hair as he nodded. “Yeah, I should unpack.”

“No, you’re going to join me.”

“Yeah, okay.”

They had been together long enough for this not to be so exciting anymore, they knew each other’s bodies and what to do to get the other one gasping and flushed. Still, they lost themselves to fresh exploration. Harvey’s hands on Mike’s hips as soap suds disappeared under the steam. Mike’s back pressed against the cool tile, his lips against Harvey’s shoulder.

Afterwards, Harvey dried off Mike’s hair so it spiked out in every possible direction. He laughed, and Mike loved him just a little bit more. One wouldn’t think that something like that would be possible either.

They stumbled into bed together, naked and slightly cold after leaving the too hot shower. The bags fell to the floor as they cuddled together under the sheets and blankets.

“Don’t fall asleep.” Harvey said through half-lidded eyes, when he heard Mike yawn against the side of his neck. “We’ll wake up at four in the morning.”

“Just enjoy it, Harvey.” Mike said, sleepily.

“We haven’t even brushed our teeth.”

“Good night, Harvey.”

Harvey groaned, but relaxed after a minute, making Mike smile and lean in just enough to press a kiss to Harvey’s cheek. “Night, rookie.”

 

Of course, Harvey had been right and he woke up way too early the next day. Mike, on the other hand, probably could have slept for a couple of more hours, but he awoke when Harvey got up.

Harvey told him to get back to sleep, but Mike just rubbed his eyes and murmured something about it being Valentine’s day and they were obligated to have mandatory morning-blowjobs. Harvey couldn’t remember that rule being written down anywhere, but he wasn’t going to complain.

Afterwards though, when Harvey came out of the shower, Mike was sound asleep again. He smiled at him and carefully pressed a kiss to the top of Mike’s head before he headed downstairs to make sure the house was cozy and warm for when his boyfriend woke up.

It was so quiet, with the snow heavy on the ground outside, not a soul in sight. Harvey really loved the city, the noise and the drama of it all, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t love getting away from it all every once in a while. He would probably have more reason to do so once Mike moved away to a similar place.

He quickly shook the thought away. Mike was right upstairs, and he wasn’t going anywhere any time soon.

Harvey found his jacket, before he grabbed his laptop and a blanket and headed outside to catch up to some work before Mike woke up. Answering e-mails and sending out memos really wasn’t his cup of tea, but he had given Donna the weekend off as well, and he needed to get it done before work started again.

He was almost done when a very tired Mike, with a duvet wrapped around himself, joined him on the porch. “So this is where you’ve been hiding?” He asked. “Won’t that get cold?” he asked, pointing to the computer.

“Heating lamps.” Harvey replied as he pointed above his heads. “It’s quite warm here.” He said, and Mike immediately took the hint and snuggled up next to Harvey on the small couch.

“Only rich people puts couches outside in the winter.” Mike remarked, and Harvey snickered. He couldn’t exactly argue. “What are you working on?”

“Answering e-mails.” Harvey replied as Mike leaned in and pressed a kiss behind his ear. “Last night was great.” He said, and then turned to Mike with a smug smile. “And this morning.”

“What can I say?” Mike asked. “I’ve missed you. You’ve been working a lot lately.” He said. “Not that I’m complaining, seeing as you put the bread on the table.” Mike quickly added with a small smile.

“It’s fine.” Harvey reassured him. “I’ve missed you too.”

“Even though he’s an asshole, I will always be thankful to that idiot Trevor for sending me to sell those drugs that day.”

“It was a memorable day, that’s for sure.” Harvey said. “And even though _you_ were an asshole, I’m glad you blackmailed me into letting you stay at the firm.”

Mike grinned and leaned in to kiss him, but only for a moment before he pulled back again. “Come on.” He said “Let’s go get some food, and then I plan on having dessert in bed.”

“I like the way you think, Rookie.”

 

When they got home and there was a piano in the living room, Mike almost started to cry.


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck. I really do. Don't try to defend me because I am awful human being. I can't believe I made you wait so long, but my computer died very tragically and I didn't get a new one until late May, and then I went to this volunteer summer school. Things have been hectic. So sorry you guys, and also, sorry for this chapter, but read the notes at the end!

“People don’t leave me!”

Harvey remembered it like it had been yesterday. He had been so angry, almost desperate, and he’d let it out on Mike. He had yelled, and pushed and even brought up Mike’s dead grandmother. Yeah, low blow, Specter. All because of the stress he’d been going through at work and the fact that he’d lost Zoe.

Zoe Lawford. One of the few women in his life that he’d had serious intentions towards. She had left, and of course Harvey couldn’t be mad at her for it. Her brother was sick, dying, and Zoe needed to be there for her niece. Not something Harvey could throw in her face. The point was that she had left, like people often did.

Scottie had left too, even after Harvey had told her Mike’s secret. If he could take that last part back, he probably would have. He had just been so tired, and so ready to finally let her in and give them a proper chance to be together, that he was willing to risk everything. Including Mike. It had been foolish, but in the end it had all turned out somewhat okay. Scottie deserved more than Harvey had been able to give her at the time.

Besides, he got Mike.

Marcus had come to visit them sometime in April. Mike, Harvey and Marcus had all gone out and Harvey and Marcus had gotten stupidly drunk. For once, Mike had been the responsible one who got them both home safely. Before passing out, Harvey had confessed to Mike that he really missed his dad, and sometimes, he even missed his mom as well. Mike had kissed the top of his head and said “I know”, before Harvey had fallen asleep.

Harvey had told Mike that people didn’t leave him, right before telling Mike that his job was to help him, not to screw him. Thinking back on it now, it could almost be funny…, but it wasn’t. Because the truth was that people did leave him, and Harvey rarely had a good reason to blame them for it. Life wasn’t as black as white as he had once thought.

He couldn’t blame Mike for leaving, for wanting something more than just him. Just like he couldn’t blame Zoe for leaving, or Scottie, or even his dad for… dying. Besides, Harvey had left once too, and it didn’t really matter what Dr. Agard or Mike tried telling him, he really did blame himself for the mess he’d left behind after he found out about what his mother had done. Mike had understood the reason why Harvey hadn’t been able to go with him, so Harvey had to understand the reason why Mike had to leave. It was called respect, or trust, or both. It was something they had struggled with since the beginning of their relationship, and Harvey didn’t’ want to go three steps back and mess that up as well.

So, in the end, he’d driven Mike to the airport, kissed him, and watched him go.

It wasn’t like he would never see him again, it wasn’t like Mike would stop loving him as soon as he got on that plane, but Harvey was used to seeing Mike almost every single day. He was used to hearing his laugh, and seeing that confident smirk, and listening to his ridiculous jokes. It hurt, in a way, he hadn’t expected, to know that he would be deprived of that.

He wasn’t sure which one of them it hurt the most. Mike, because he was the one leaving. Or Harvey, because he was the one who couldn’t bring himself to go with him.

So Harvey buried himself in work, so he wouldn’t have to think about the fact that he would once again go home to an empty apartment. Because Mike was in North Carolina, while Harvey was in New York. In a way, it felt wrong, all of it. But maybe someday it wouldn’t.

On the days where Harvey was more upset than he wanted to admit, and he would snap at people who didn’t deserve it, Jessica was the only one who dared put him in his place and tell him to get his shit together. Even Donna was more cautious towards him now than she had been before. In a way, Harvey was grateful for it, but most days, that felt wrong too.

His phone would call like clockwork every night at six pm, and he would hear that voice that he loved so much and Harvey could always feel himself relax a little bit more. Mike would tell him about his day and ask about Harvey’s cases, and Harvey would remind him not to get kicked out for cheating or smoking weed or something stupid like that. It was just like old times, except in every way that it wasn’t.

One night, Mike wasn’t able to make the call, because something came up, and another night Harvey was in a meeting and missed the call. It happened occasionally, but when they did talk, it was like nothing had changed, like they still talked every day. Like Mike would still be popping by the office for lunch, or make dinner for Harvey when he got home late.

He never did though. _Obviously_ ; Harvey had to tell himself.

Harvey would come home and look at that stupid piano that he realized he a had bought as a desperate attempt to make Mike have a reason to come home more often, as if Harvey wasn’t enough of a reason.

One day in October, when it was starting to get cold out again, Harvey really missed him. That time of year was _theirs_ in a way. It was like Mike was reading his mind, because suddenly he was trying to reach Harvey on skype. Harvey couldn’t help that his lips curled up in a smile as he answered the call.

Mike’s hair was messy, and if he was still employed at Pearson Specter and Litt, Harvey would have told him to get a haircut if he wanted to keep his job. Still, his smile was just as beautiful, and his eyes shone just as bright as ever.

“Hey, handsome.” Mike said with a grin. “How was your day?”

“Boring, long.” Harvey said as he leaned back in his chair to get comfortable. “Louis is being a pain in my ass as usual.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that someone is, seeing as I’m not there.” Mike said and then he grimaced, which made Harvey chuckle. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Speaking of _that_.” Harvey said, which made Mike smile at him deviously. “Do you have any plans about coming home soon?”

“Why?” Mike asked, raising his eyebrows. “Are you planning on moving on to greener pastures?”

“It’s getting awfully lonely in that big bed.” Harvey replied, even though they both knew that he would never even consider being with someone else, as long as he had Mike, wherever he might be.

“I should be able to go home soon.” Mike answered, and the ache in Harvey’s heart from Mike still calling their apartment ‘home’ both hurt and felt amazing at the same time. “Things are rather crazy here at the moment though.”

Harvey’s teeth clenched and he hated himself for getting upset, and it wasn’t because he was mad at Mike for leaving, because he had convinced himself that it wasn’t, but he was mad that all the reasons and arguments for leaving had gone out the window and had been replaced by new ones…

Harvey shook the thoughts out of his head, and hoped that Mike hadn’t noticed.

Harvey was more than a little surprised when he came home from work the following Friday and Mike was standing in his living room. Naked. It meant that Mike probably had noticed how off Harvey had been during their last call, but Harvey couldn’t really care because Mike looked amazing.

Fair to say, it was a nice surprise. Would have been better if Jessica hadn’t accompanied Harvey home to talk business though.

It hadn’t been that long since Harvey had seen his boyfriend, but his touch still seemed almost foreign, but also so familiar at the same time. Mike’s lips tasted the same, but they were more cracked and he had grown a slight stubble that Harvey hadn’t noticed over their video chat. It scrubbed Harvey’s neck as Mike lazily kissed his shoulder when they woke up the next morning. Harvey even admitted out loud that he was a fan, which made Mike grin stupidly.

“I really love you.” Mike said, as he rubbed his arms around Harvey while he was making breakfast. He rested his chin on Harvey’s shoulder, and Harvey hummed in approval. “You are supposed to say you love me back.”

Harvey smirked at that, glad that some things didn’t seem to change. That was the thing with the two of them wasn’t it? Even when everything else around them changed, some things between the two of them would always stay the same.

“I really loved that blowjob this morning.” Harvey answered. “Does that count?”

Mike backed away from Harvey and smacked his ass, before laughing when he noticed that Harvey jumped a little. “It’s a start.” He replied. “But I suppose I could do worse.”

“So…” Harvey started, finally gathering up the courage to talk about all the things he’d been avoiding. “How are things?” he asked.

“Things are good.” Mike said. “I got a job.”

“I thought you already had a job.” Harvey answered with furrowed eyebrows, trying his best not to show how his mood changed so suddenly.

“I did…” Mike replied, as if he was threading careful, knowing very well that Harvey was upset about something. “But I got a better one, actually I got a second one. Why are you so tense?”

“I’m not.” Harvey said, going full on defense-mode without even thinking about it. “So you’re working two jobs now?”

Mike leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. “Yeah, I can see that.” He answered. “I guess this is where we start arguing, because you shut me out and pretend you’re not pissed at me?”

“I am not pissed at you.” Harvey said as he turned around, completely neglecting anything relating to breakfast food. “And I am not shutting you out.”

“Awesome.” Mike replied, before looking down at his feet, nd he sounded genuinely hurt, and Harvey never wanted that. Then again, he never wanted them to be in the situation they were in. “Look, we never really talked about this before I left.”

“What are you talking about?” Harvey asked, “we talked about it all the time.”

Well, maybe not all the time.

“Yeah, about me going to college.” Mike replied. “Not this.”

Damn straight. Harvey didn’t need Mike, or Donna, or even Agard to deduce why he was so tense and mad about the whole situation. Harvey already knew, and even though he denied it to the world, at least he was honest enough to admit it to himself.

Mike was supposed to go to college, he was supposed to build a life for himself so they could build a life together.

Harvey would have understood that, he would have supported that, knowing that what Mike was doing was ultimately not only for himself, but also for them.

But that wasn’t what had happened, and Harvey knew that he would be lying if he told himself that he didn’t feel abandoned.

Again.

“Well, what do you want me to say, Mike?” Harvey asked.

“I want you to say that you still love me.” Mike said. “That we can get through this.” He continued. His eyes were watering, and it didn’t matter if Harvey saw Mike every day or every other month. He still hated that sight. “Just tell me I didn’t fly here for you to break up with me.”

Harvey sighed heavily, shaking his head in disbelief. It felt like they were at a standstill, and he knew part of that was his fault, because even now, he couldn’t seem to open up, but then again, Mike had been the one to push him away first.

It was a childish taught, but it was how Harvey felt.

“Loving you has never been a question, Mike.” Harvey said, his voice lower and less convincing than he’d like.

Mike nodded, angrily drying away a tear that escaped with his sleeve. “Yeah.” He answered.

“You know what, let’s not fight.” Harvey said before threading a hand through his hair. “You’re only here for a couple of days.”

“I want us to talk.” Mike said, stubbornly. “I don’t want to leave knowing that you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.” Harvey answered at once, angry that Mike even think that thought, let alone say it out loud. “You know that.”

“But you hate that I left.”

“Of course I do, Mike.” Harvey replied, as he but stomped off towards the couch area, suddenly feeling the need to sit down. Mike silently followed him and sat down opposite of him, only a coffee table separating them. “I wanted us to be together, of course I hate not being able to see you every day.”

“Wanted.” Mike repeated. “As in past tense?”

“No.” Harvey answered through gritted teeth. “Don’t do that.” He said, pointing an accusing finger at Mike.

“Then talk to me!” Mike all but yelled at Harvey. “Don’t push me away!”

“ _You_ left _me_!” Harvey yelled back, and here they were again, with everything bubbling over because one or both of them had been keeping everything in for too long. They had been doing better on that account… Before Mike had left. “If anyone pushed anyone away, it was you!”

“You told me you understood.” Mike replied helplessly. “You told me that we could make it and that I could rely on you to-“

“That’s really rich.” Harvey said on a bitter chuckle. “I relied on you too, you know.”

“I know.” Mike answered. “But you could have said something, I gave you _every_ opportunity to.”

“I know, it’s all my fault.” Harvey replied, shaking his head, feeling his throat tense up with every word that slipped out of his mouth, as well as those he still kept buried inside.

“That’s not what I’m saying!” Mike said. “I just don’t understand what changed.”

“What changed?” Harvey asked, raising his voice once again. “You were going to college, Mike. You told me that you wanted to make something of yourself, so you wouldn’t put those you love at risk anymore!”

“I know that, but-“

“But what?” Harvey asked. “You just decided to flake _again,_ leaving me behind, and running away to North Carolina!” He was yelling again, but he couldn’t stop himself. “No college, no plan, no explanation, you just took off!”

“I tried to explain it to you…” As Harvey’s voice grew louder, Mike’s became more quiet.

“Then explain it now.” Harvey said. “Because I don’t get it. I don’t understand what you are doing, and I try to understand, and give you space and let you _find yourself,_ but I have no idea what you want anymore. You change your mind every goddamn second and-“

“I didn’t get in anywhere, okay?!” Mike interrupted him, his voice breaking on the last word. “I didn’t get in to any of the colleges I applied to, and I didn’t know what to do, and you’re right, I don’t have a plan, but I needed to get away and I felt like _suffocating_ and I was embarrassed and I tried to tell you, but I couldn’t-“ he was ranting by now, and Harvey could barely comprehend anything he was saying.

“Why couldn’t you?” Harvey asked, his voice finally lowered and calmer.

Mike shrugged. “I don’t know.” He said, his eyes watering once again. “Because you have everything I ever wanted, and I had a chance to have it too, and I gave it up to protect you and make something of myself, but I couldn’t do that. I realized I’m never going to be what I want to be, and then _somehow_ I was able to ruin everything again, by leaving and I just-“ Mike was swallowing heavily over and over again, probably trying to keep himself from breaking down completely, and Harvey couldn’t for the life of him understand why he was just staring at his boyfriend instead of running over there and holding him close and telling him that everything was going to be okay. “I’m so sorry, Harvey.”

“It’s okay.” Harvey said, without thinking about it. Even though it wasn’t. Nothing was okay. So, he finally got up from his chair and walked over to Mike, crouching in front of him. “It’s gonna be okay, kid.”

“How?” Mike asked. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, that makes two of us.” Harvey admitted. “Come on, let’s order some breakfast, I think I burned the pancakes, and then we’ll go back to bed and we’ll talk, okay?”

And they did.

They talked about how Mike had gone to Father Walker after getting his last rejection letter, completely lost. How he wanted to tell Harvey, but he just couldn’t and he had hated himself for lying to Harvey about the whole thing. They talked about how Harvey wished he had told Mike how he had really felt and then maybe they could have avoided the whole mess all together instead of trying to repair it now. They talked about promises they had made and broken, and joked about maybe if Harvey hadn’t broken his first one about falling in love with Mike then everything would have been peachy now. But most likely they would have both been in jail.

They also talked about the house that Mike was living in up in North Caroline. A friend of Father Walker was renting it out, and it was old and everything squeaked, but it fit in perfect with the rest of the small town. Mike actually smiled when talking about the old café by the dock, and the children who could play safely in the streets by the school, and the library where he worked every other week.

Harvey never pictured himself being able to love living in a place like that, it seemed to quiet. He never thought Mike would like it either, since he had always been like Harvey, craving the excitement and the constant push-pull the city gave him. Then again, maybe all Mike needed was some peace and quiet for once.

Then Harvey explained how work wasn’t the same without him, how he was constantly on edge, and how everything seemed ten times more difficult when he lost a case and had to go home alone. He also let him know that Marcus and Kate were planning on renewing their vows come spring and that Mike would be dead if he didn’t show up.

Harvey and Mike. Mike and Harvey. Batman and Robin. It was impossible to imagine that it would never be the two of them against the world.

Except that it wasn’t anymore.

Harvey was called into an emergency meeting at work on Saturday. While he was gone, Mike made dinner, and Harvey was met with the sight of him playing the piano so beautifully that you’d think he had been practicing forever. They ate while trying to complete a lord of the rings marathon. Neither of them were too fond of the Hobbit movies, so they didn’t even have to argue about including those as well. It was probably for the best though, because Mike fell asleep at the beginning of the third one, and Harvey followed soon after.

They awoke early Sunday morning and made their way to the bedroom. Harvey’s kisses lingered for a bit longer than they normally would, and Mike’s breathing seemed more ragged and he held onto Harvey so tight that he was afraid he might bruise.

Then they were back there again, with Mike leaving and Harvey just kissing him softly goodbye. Only this time, Mike insisted on taking a cab, and Harvey wasn’t going to argue.

“I should have told you.” Mike said. “Instead of pretending I had changed my mind and just left like that, it was stupid and selfish-“

“Let’s not do this again now.” Harvey said, not sure he could handle that conversation again. “Just text me when you land, okay?”

Mike nodded hurryingly before he kissed Harvey again, it was hard and rather desperate and definitely not in the ranking for their top 10 kisses, but Harvey couldn’t bring himself to care as he kissed him back. There was still a spark, it still sent a pool of joy to the pit of Harvey’s stomach, the chemistry and the love was as strong as it was a year ago, but something was missing, and he knew that Mike could feel it too. But for now, it had to be enough, so it was.

Their lips parted and Harvey gave him one last kiss to his temple. “Hey.” He said. “Do you want the piano?”

“What?” Mike asked, looking at Harvey with wide eyes. “You don’t want it here anymore?”

“I can’t play it.” Harvey answered. “I just figured maybe you’d want it at the house to practice or something.”

“I would rather have it here.” Mike answered, his voice rough. “I can play it when I come home. You said you liked to hear me play.”

Harvey smiled at that then. “I do.”

“I love you.”

“You have no idea.”

At least some things didn’t change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might have seemed a little rushed and there are some bits and pieces missing of the story, but don't worry. You will see the bigger picture soon.


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been over two months and then this is what I bring you.... You're gonna hate me.  
> THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER, YOU GUYS

When Mike was younger, he had pictured his life in a certain way. It might have been because he hadn’t seen much of the world yet, and was only influenced by those around him, but there were some things that he thought would happen once he grew up. He would have a job, maybe something like an English teacher because he loved reading so much. He would find a nice girl and get married, this was not something he had thought about a lot, but Mike always saw how happy his parents were together, and he always figured he’d have that as well. Maybe he would play some kind of sports, because he always loved throwing the ball around with his father. Some things he could imagine; others were a little more difficult.

Then his parents had died, and that somewhat perfect fantasy of the future which he had created, died with it. He didn’t really know what he wanted anymore. Okay, that was a lie. If he could have anything, Mike would have wished for his parents back. Actually, he did wish for them back, every night for a long time he prayed, and wished, and begged, but none of it worked. Mike had been a smart kid, and he knew that it was impossible, but he wanted it so bad that he thought maybe the universe would make an exception for him, but it never did.

Then, after the grief had somewhat passed and he could remember all that had happened more clearly, he wanted to become a lawyer. Mike wanted to help people. He worked hard, well, maybe not as hard as he could have, because he knew that he was always the smartest in the room. He acted like a brat more often than not, and he took for granted what his grandmother tried to provide for him. Still, he had that goal. That single goal of becoming an attorney and maybe do some good in the world.

Once his dream of Harvard was taking away from him, that dream died as well. It was a stranger feeling that time around. When his parents had died, those events had somehow inspired him to try better and become something more. This time, Mike had just felt like the world was too unfair and he had given up completely. He could blame the universe, or Trevor or himself, but in the end, it didn’t matter who was to blame, because Harvard was gone and Mike felt another piece of his heart break.

It took a long time before he knew what he wanted again. He went through girlfriends, some serious and some not, and he got a pretty decent job, but he wasted all his potential on drugs and slacking around.

Then he met Harvey Specter. Stupid, but oh so brilliant, Harvey Specter. He gave him a chance to want something again, to wish for something better than what he had. And at the end of the day, it wasn’t just wishes and dreams, it was working hard, accomplishing things, and before he knew what was happening, Mike had made a life for himself.

The only problem was that it wasn’t real. Well, the office, his colleagues, the cases, the clients, all of that was real. But Mike wasn’t. No matter how much he tried to deny it, no matter how many times Harvey or someone else told him that he _was_ a lawyer, Mike knew deep down that it wasn’t true. In some way, that dream of being a lawyer, was still just a dream.

Harvey was real though. He was real as a mentor, as a friend, and as the man Mike loved. What they had together was real, and what they fought so hard for to keep was real. Even when Mike once again had to give up his dream, Harvey was still there. So, with Harvey, Mike had dared to envision an entirely different future. Maybe it wouldn’t have as much glory, but it would have love.

If only everything had been that easy. Mike had wanted it to be enough so bad that he had almost broken down trying to make it work. It couldn’t be enough though, and Mike knew that Harvey would never really understand why. Harvey was brilliant, he had worked hard for everything he had, and to him- it _was_ real. The only way Harvey would lose it all, would be because of Mike, and that was something Mike just couldn’t bear the thought of. But in the end it had been too hard to be stuck, to be nothing but a shell just waiting for Harvey to come home from work so that he could somehow feel alive again. Not getting into college had been the final straw, and Mike could feel the air trying to escape his lungs. For the longest time, it felt like he was hollow, almost non-existing.

He had to leave. It had to be Mike without Harvey, or Harvey without his firm. Neither was what either of them wanted, but in the end, Mike had made that decision for the both of them. It had been an easy way out, and Mike knew it. Once he had found that place that Father Walker had helped him with, all he had to do was leave, start over.

Except that he couldn’t. Because Mike was still selfish, and even though he had left, he hadn’t been able to let Harvey go, and he knew that Harvey loved him too much to do the same. In a way, that almost killed Mike even more than the thought of being without him.

It had started snowing when Harvey finally came to visit.

“Well, well, what’s a city boy like you doing here, huh?” Mike asked with a certain swing of his hips as he met Harvey at the bus station.

Harvey shook his head and chuckled. “I might as well ask you the same thing.”

Mike grinned stupidly at him before he wrapped him up in a hug. He couldn’t help but breathe him in and cherish in the fact that Harvey still smelled the same. It was so comforting. He was reluctant to letting go, but tried not to show it. “How was your trip?”

“Long.” Harvey replied, before shaking his head when Mike tried taking his bags away from him. “Please tell me you don’t live too far from here.”

“I live in the middle of nowhere.” Mike answered with a smile. “But I borrowed my neighbours truck, so-“he said while pointing at the red pick-up that was parked on the other side of the road.

“ _You_ driving a truck?” Harvey asked with raised eyebrows.

“I can drive stick now.” Mike answered proudly, not admitting how much trouble he actually had with that stupid clutch.

“Well, well, look at that.” Harvey said as he slung an around Mike’s waist. “City boy has gone all country on my ass.”

“Shut up.” Mike laughed as he tried to push Harvey away, but was awarded with a kiss on his cheek instead.

It was weird showing Harvey his new house, but exciting at the same time. Mike’s life wasn’t as complicated anymore, he didn’t have to live in constant fear and he actually enjoyed the little things that life presented to him. The only thing missing was Harvey and his friends, but Mike was realistic and he had realized that sometimes you just couldn’t have it all. Maybe he could have, one day, but Mike had messed up and now he had to deal with the consequences.

Harvey was pretty quiet when Mike started showing him around the house. It was a little uncomfortable, because Mike was sure that Harvey would have commented on the rusty nails that was sticking out of the threshold to the kitchen, or at least the fact that the bathroom was three different colours because Mike sucked at painting and couldn’t decide on a colour.

Then Harvey said something like “is there rot down there?” when they were standing out on the porch, and Mike felt a lot better.

“It’s bigger than my apartment.” Mike answered. “And no, there is no rot.”

“Of course it is, it’s a house.”

“Well, it’s not bigger than _your_ apartment.” Mike added with a smile as he bumped his hip with Harvey’s.

“No, but that’s mine.” Harvey answered with a wink.

Mike grinned at him, and then suddenly he felt like he was sixteen years old again and sneaking around with Tess, because without a warning, Harvey’s mouth was on his and their bodies were pressed together. Harvey’s hand was in his hair, and Mike made a rather embarrassing sound that he hoped Harvey hadn’t noticed.

It was a tangle of clothes being thrown everywhere, Harvey complaining about the squeaking in the stairs, and Mike trying to shut him up with kisses, before they actually got upstairs to the bedroom. Shit, Mike had almost forgotten how good it felt to have Harvey against him, with his lips against Mike’s neck, and him moaning sweet compliments into Mike’s ear. Mike felt stupid thinking about it, how maybe all of those songwriters and poets were onto something when they talked about how love. God, he was so fucked.

“I fucking love you.” Mike breathed as Harvey all but threw him onto the bed and started ravishing his body like it was their first time together. Harvey’s answer was a huge smile and a kiss to Mike’s inner thigh, on that exact spot that drove Mike crazy every single time.

Mike wished they could just stay in bed forever, without worrying about anything else. But wishes hadn’t gotten him very far, so he tried not to think about it. All he wanted to focus on was Harvey, his mouth, the sound of his voice and his heartbeat against Mike’s palm. Nothing else needed to matter at the moment.

They spent the rest of the day in bed, and they didn’t talk about the rest of the world because they didn’t need to. Later though, Mike asked about the firm, the city, all their friends, and Harvey seemed happy to oblige and tell him all about it. It didn’t hurt so much to talk about it as Mike thought it might, instead it kind of felt nice to know that everything seemed alright back home for once.

Home. It still felt like home to him, and it probably always would. Mike wondered if this was how most people felt when they moved away from their home town for the first time, when they went to college in a different state or got a job offer a long way from their loved ones.

It was cold out, and Mike would have been more than happy just staying under the covers until the next day, but when both of them got hungry after a while.

“So, are you going to show me the rest of this town of yours?” Harvey asked. “Do you even have any restaurants out here?”

Mike smiled brightly, probably happier than he should have been over the fact that Harvey actually wanted to see the place where Mike lived and tried his best to understand where Mike was coming from when he told him about his new everyday life.

At dinner, Mike tried to see through Harvey’s charming smile and figure out if Harvey was actually amused or slightly sad that the waitress, Cadence, recognized Mike at once and wrapped him up in a hug. It was difficult to read Harvey’s expression, because he seemed a bit tense, almost jealous at first, but he lightened up when she grinned hugely at Harvey and said “Damn, your man is even prettier than in the pictures you showed me, now where can I find myself someone like that?”

After dinner, Harvey wanted to see the water, and Mike couldn’t exactly tell him that he’d rather go home and have more sex instead. Well, actually he could, and he did, but Harvey had just laughed him off and promised they would get to that later.

“I was thinking about buying a boat.” Mike said jokingly as he slipped his hand into Harvey’s. “A nice yacht, I can name it Reginald.”

Harvey just snorted at that, and Mike could tell that something was on his mind, but he decided not to ask. It was more like Mike to push, but he really just wanted to enjoy the time they had together before Harvey had to go back to New York.

The weekend couldn’t last forever, and it didn’t either. For the entire visit, Harvey had that unreadable look on his face, and Mike wondered if he couldn’t read his boyfriend because he had been away too long or because he didn’t know him as well as he used to. Neither options sounded very appealing.

When Mike dropped Harvey off at the station, he knew that something had changed, even though he didn’t know what it was yet. Harvey grinned cockily at him, before kissing him all too cheekily on the mouth for the whole world to see. They said their goodbyes and Mike promised to visit soon.

It wasn’t until later that night, when Mike was taking a walk down by the water, that he realized what that feeling earlier had been. Closure.

They tried to make it work a while after that, and Mike came up for Thanksgiving and had dinner with everyone. Donna was especially glad to see him, telling Mike it was great that he would take Harvey off her hands for a bit. They asked about Mike’s life and he was happy to tell, through all his stories he noticed that Harvey looked quite proud of him. They all talked, ate and laughed, like old friends should. Mike still felt like the outcast though, even though everyone tried their best to include him in everything. The weird part was that Mike didn’t mind. It wasn’t like that awful dinner Malone had once organized. They were growing as people, and Mike was finally able to understand what that meant.

When Mike came home for Christmas, he knew that that would probably be the last time he saw Harvey for a while. It seemed like Harvey knew it as well, because they hardly saw anyone else for three days. It was just the two of them, doing awfully cheeky Christmas stuff. Harvey had made sure Mike got to watch Charlie Brown, and Mike had bought Harvey a ridiculous Christmas sweater, just because he could. When Mike left, they kissed longer than necessary, and when they talked on the phone that night, they both made their goodbyes a little too clear.

Mike had never gone through that kind of break-up before. The one that was so mature, because they loved each other too much for it to be anything but civil. Mike knew Harvey though, he knew that Harvey was probably mad, but at Mike and at himself because Mike was gone and they hadn’t been able to work even though they had promised that they would make it. Mike was mad too. He missed Harvey, and just like when he was a little kid, he wished for him back. Wished for the simpler times when they were rolled up together on the couch watching  a stupid romantic comedy that neither would admit that they loved, where they would work late and eat in Harvey’s office, or when Louis would be mortified whenever he walked in on them making out. Mike knew that it was naïve, and of course the times hadn’t been as simple as he would like to think. Still, a part of Mike was happy that he could remember the good times so well while the bad times seemed all too blurry.

It was time to find out who he was, without Trevor or Rachel…. Or Harvey. Just Mike. He’d just have to find a new dream. Who was he kidding though? His dream would never not include Harvey Reginald Specter.


End file.
